


Danganronpa: Nonlinear World Order

by brain_problems



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: A lot of Heavy Content, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, F/F, F/M, Female Cast-Focused, Heavily Metafictional, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Iruma Miu Being Iruma Miu, It's become a story about recovering from the trauma of being a Danganronpa character, It's mostly comedy though, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Multi, Oma Kokichi needs a Hug e Fucking Kick in the Teeth!, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, This One Ain't For Kids, Tojo Kirumi will kneecap anyone who calls her "mom", We Love The Funny Monokubs, You don't have to read the chapters in order.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 169,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brain_problems/pseuds/brain_problems
Summary: Another timeline. Junko's comatose, Despair's cancelled, Chiaki saved Hajime, the apocalypse still happened.48of your favouriteUltimates are crammed into the “New & Improved” Hope’s Peak Academy Underground Bunker. If the world's dead you may as well enjoy the luxury accommodation with your fellowcool, sexy friendshormonal idiots until cabin fever sets in, stuff gets weird and you all startremembering. Monokuma says there's no killing game this time, but more than one party seems intent on one anyway and it's like the universe wants them to hurt each other. No matter the mastemind, no matter the rules, bloodshed seems inevitable.Story with the POV, tone and genre varying each chapter, which aren't in chronological order. Renaming soon.LATEST CHAPTER: "It's Time For Some Motive Videos"Videos containing every single students' worst secrets were filmed as a motive. But then someone broadcast all of them preemptively, without warning or a chance to stop it. It may be slightly traumatising. BONUS: We get to see who was dead by now in the original draft.How fast is Peko's sword?
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Enoshima Junko/Tsumiki Mikan, Fukawa Touko/K1-B0, Genocider Syo | Genocide Jack/Mioda Ibuki, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Harukawa Maki/Pekoyama Peko, He Thinks They're So Fucking Cool, Iruma Miu/Tsumiki Mikan, Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Oowada Mondo, Kazuichi Soda/The Monokubs, Koizumi Mahiru/Kirigiri Kyoko, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Maizono Sayaka/Constant Love and Attention 24/7, Saionji Hiyoko/Togami Byakuya, Shirogane Tsumugi/Soda Kazuichi, Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 127
Kudos: 117





	1. Timeline: The Last Day of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teachers aren't even pretending everything's going to be OK any more. Leaving the academy grounds isn't an option, so the students don't really have anything else to do but send out their last emails, hug each other and hunker down for whatever's going to happen this evening. Just because all the pieces are all lined up doesn't mean you're actually going to get to play a game of chess.  
> " _It'll be like...one big sleepover party! And we don't even have to wear our uniforms any more, so that'll be kind of fun, right?"_  
>  **-Kaede Akamatsu,** who will insist on still wearing her uniform for the first three weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hello from the future! If you want to get to the certified "good shit" feel free to skip to Maki & Peko's chapter (9), Miu's backstory chapter (11), Kirumi's chapter (12), The Single Greatest Piece of Fanfiction Ever Written (17, I Promise), the second Mikan chapter (19) and Kaito's chapter (20).**

##  **Timeline: The Last Day of School**

**8:30 AM**

Every student in the building knew something bad was going to happen in the evening, even though nobody at the breakfast table really wanted to speculate on what it was. There was just an extremely ominous vibe. Maybe it was an Ultimate thing. **Hifumi Yamada** described it feeling like the final deadline for an assignment that you hadn’t started drawing closer, while **Chiaki Nanami** said it felt like Dawn of the Final Day. She was glad when Tsumugi and Himiko both understood the reference. They're just a bunch of kids, really.

Plain old **Tsumugi Shirogane** gets out of the shower, dries off, stares at herself in the mirror, puts her clothes back on and brushes her hair. She then screams into her body pillow and starts punching the bed and sobbing because it's _not fair_ and she doesn't understand why it had to be _her_. It would have been better if they didn't say anything and make her _remember_. She gets back in the shower, dries off and repeats the same tantrum another ten times.

**9:00 AM**

Chisa Yukizome starts handing out sealed envelopes to nearly everyone and Great Gozu announces classes are canceled for the day. Again. **Mondo Owada** points out that classes haven't happened for the entire fucking week and that someone working for this stupid fucking school should let them in on what the fuck is going on already. Asshole. **Nagito Komaeda's** calmer, but his questions ( _"I've only seen four teachers and two delivery guys here for the past few weeks. Where is everyone else?"_ ) are far more pointed. Great Gozu's mask means he doesn't have to make eye contact when he pointedly refuses to answer. Either way, it doesn't really matter. Anyone who would have left and could have left already has.

 **Hajime Hinata's** mood swings have been getting worse ever since Chiaki rescued him and she doesn't know what to do. For his part he takes Chiaki's word for it when she says there'll be an explanation for what happened to him one day. There are actually other leftovers here as well, but none of them will figure it out for a while.

**9:30 AM**

_Mr. Naegi_

_Due to the current circumstances our nation is currently undergoing  
we understand that you may be concerned about the safety  
of those closest to you. Don't worry! As students of Hope's Peak your  
family are all currently receiving first-class transportation to one  
of the country's remotest luxury evacuation bunkers. Your _parents and  
sister_ are set to arrive by mid-afternoon, with correspondence  
to commence as soon as possible._

_For your well-being you can rest assured that, as long as you  
you remain within the walls of Hope's Peak Academy, the safety  
of your loved ones will be as well guaranteed as anyone in Japan._

**10:00 AM**

Visiting hours have begun. They're all here to see **Junko Enoshima** , of course. **Mikan Tsumiki** dutifully records each name in the guest book as they pass through Mukuro's checkpoint to see her. _Shirogane, Hagakure, Komaeda, Maizono_. The regulars are all here, but mixed in were some new names that had never been before. _Naegi, Amami, Owari, Kirigiri._ Throughout the day nearly two thirds of the student body make the tiny pilgrimage to Junko Enoshima’s hospital bed, like she’d become some sort of saintly relic. Even the ones who'd despised her when she was awake could admit she looked like something out of a picture book when she's sleeping. Ryoma and Kaito pat her leg for luck. A couple of them stroke her hair. Just seeing her is enough to spark just a little bit of hope in anyone.

Mikan understands what's expected of her and a couple of the more observant visitors note that she seems unusually calm. Before the 3rd years were all moved to the other (nicer) building Seiko Kimura left her with a stockpile of everything she could spare. Hiyoko must never be allowed access. Or Hiro, Leon, Kokichi, Miu...

**  
10:30 AM**

**Mukuro Ikusaba** stands on guard duty, keeping a watchful eye on each and every visitor. Always her sister's obedient little soldier. Iruma's visit is a surprise, but she supposed it had to happen eventually. The inventor says she's sorry about what happened before (again) and is having "slizz trouble", but all three of them know that it's a cover story. Probably. It actually might also be true. While Tsumiki and Iruma consult each other in the soundproof booth another visitor arrives for Junko. Akamatsu opens the door, looks at Junko, turns to Mukuro and then immediately runs off crying.

**11:00 AM**

The reassurance of knowing your family's going to be evacuated means less when you consider the fact that the government's secretly evacuating them right now, with no chance to opt out unless your family name's something like Kuzuryu, [___] or Togami. **Akane Owari's** the first to actually get a message from her younger siblings, amazed that they get to live somewhere where _everyone_ gets a bed. At least they weren't lying about the evacuations. She needs to tell Kaito, but something about the guy seemed off. They're helping **Teruteru Hanamura's** mama with the cooking. He was so relieved he forgot to say anything perverted for the rest of the day.

**11:30 AM**

**Maki Harukawa** knew that the letters could also be read as _“We have your loved ones hostage, stay put.”_ but this was exactly what she'd prayed for over the last month. If the orphans were in government custody then _they'd all survived what she'd done_. She needed to tell Peko at tonight's sleepover. **Sakura Ogami** notices Maki unknowingly biting her thumb while she read the letter, but decided it would be wiser not to inquire. In times like this a child caregiver must have a lot to worry about.

**12:00 PM**

**Celestia Ludenberg** already had Gundham taking care of her cat, so the authorities have no leverage over her and she has leverage over Gundham. It's simple. She sits across from **Byakuya Togami** , who found himself locked out of the detective's room when he tried to enter half an hour ago. She thinks this is very strange, especially since she saw _Mahiru_ of all people allowed entry just ten minutes ago. His eye twitches. The two of them flirt using secrets and innuendo. "Did you know our good friend Hiro's actually our age? It seems his mother had him aged up three years as part of a charmingly successful little tax fraud scheme." A tiny smirk from the corner of his mouth. " Yasuhiro, you say?" _That rat motherfucker if he openly brings that up I swear to god I will burn-_ "HEY, CAN I JOIN IN?"

 **Kokichi Oma** runs towards them, grinning like a hyperactive idiot child. Byakuya nods at Celeste. Mutual hatred of Kokichi Oma is the spark that will lead to the formation of a united Togami-Ludenberg alliance. "Leave. Forever. I utterly disdain you." "Dig a little tunnel and die down there, worm". They were the first to see Kokichi for what he really is. Later they make a private pact to use the words _"fuck off"_ the next time he tries to approach them.

**12:30 PM**

**Gundham Tanaka** has entrusted **Aoi Asahina** with the responsibility of caring for one of his several dozen prized goldfish, which Aoi promises to do a real good job of! Fuyuhiko's there too, because with everything else shut down there's not a lot else to do except learn some more cool fucking animal facts. Gundham's lab was one of the only ones the school actually finished constructing before the trouble started, a prudent decision given the amount of animals Himiko had shipped in for safety over the last few weeks. Aoi asks if a goldfish's memory being three seconds long is true (because if that was it'd be really relatable) and Gundham is so amused at her naivete that he just has to laugh. A goldfish's three second memory is a mere myth, like _"all cats despising water"_ or _"littermate syndrome"_ in puppies.

When **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu** hears what the last one means he feels like he's been kicked in the guts and has to excuse himself before they see the expression on his face. Oh god.

**1:00 PM**

The chairs in **Shuichi Saihara’s** lab are the comfiest in the whole Academy, especially if you want to just sit back and concentrate. Himiko sleeps there sometimes, but not today. The door's locked and only the five core regulars are allowed inside. Shuichi goes through the old case files and quietly consults **Korekiyo Shinguji** , who writes it all down with some additional twists they mutually agree upon. **Kyoko Kirigiri** solves it while Kiyo adjudicates. After a breather the detectives switch places. **Mahiru Koizumi's** allowed to watch the game and make observations during each investigation, but she always feels like she’s a third wheel and doesn't really know why she's the only one they never turn away. **Kirumi Tojo** pours her another cup of tea and Mahiru thinks she hears the maid’s hands trembling as she places the teacup on the saucer.

**1:30 PM**

**Kaede Akamatsu** huddles under the piano, like she and her sister always did as kids. Because even though when you were playing hide and seek that was always the first place you'd look for Kaede, right? Maybe it was funnier if you were there. Her sister ( _who was always way less lame and better than Kaede at everything that wasn't the piano so she shouldn't ever let anyone tell her she was less talented just because some dumb school didn't call her an Ultimate_ ) had arrived at the bunker, but mobile reception was already getting patchy and kept dropping out every two or three minutes. They ended up leaving dozens of voicemail messages for each other reassuring themselves that everything was going to be alright and that they should take care of themselves and that they’d see each other again soon. **Ryoma Hoshi** checks in on her and she gives him a big hug. She knows he didn't have anyone to get a letter about. A mutual thumbs up is shared.

**2:00 PM**

**Ibuki Mioda** is rocking out and when you're rocking out you don't have to think! 

**  
2:30 PM**

**Sonia Nevermind** was raised from birth to always demonstrate leadership and show no fear! On that day she was true royalty and she couldn't help but inspire everyone around her to have courage and take heart in the wonderful company they had around them. No word had come back since Fenrir were sighted crossing the Novoselic border a week ago, but until she received word indicating otherwise she was still a Princess and would retain the composure of one. She met with **Angie Yonaga** for an afternoon glass of red that may or may not have been between heads of state. Sonia privately considered herself lucky. Angie never stopped smiling, but the ash had made it impossible to pick up any satellite images. She said it was fine, because Atua had decided everyone there was going to heaven anyway. She was the chosen prophet who Atua loved most of all and the culture wouldn't die as long as she was alive and _in her blood the faith ran strong._

**3:00 PM**

**Kazuichi Soda** can’t find Miu, so he just disassembles Mondo’s bike and puts it back together over and over again. What really ticks him off is that Hope's Peak was meant to have spent a bunch of cash upgrading the campus and yet as soon as everything went bad they stuck all the students from their year into this building, which was clearly an incomplete rush-job! They said _everyone_ was going to get a lab and everyone was going to get a private bedroom, but what he _got_ was a total of seven completed labs, sharing a bunk bed with Nekomaru and corridors which gave everyone paint fume headaches.

**3:30 PM;**

**Miu Iruma** had already wasted an entire hour trying to remember her dad's phone number in the morning before giving up and deciding that if it's that important he can call her, not that he ever does anyway. What is she, some kinda fuckin' scared eleven year old who needs her daddy to tuck her in at night? She says all this out loud, laughs to herself and stomps off to pester the jacked up sports coach, who's probably in the locker room right now. **K1-B0** was about to say something, but **Tenko Chabashira** managed to cover his mouth and shut him up before he lets out a single word.

She was there the first time they figured it out and did her best to keep the whole thing under wraps, but Kokichi's got annoyingly good hearing and gleaned just enough from Tenko's expression right then to put the last puzzle pieces together. He wonders when it'd be the most fun to drop that little bombshell. **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** and **Nekomaru Nidai** haul Miu out of the men's locker room five minutes later, holding her up by her shirt collar like a cat with bad pitch. Again. 

**  
4:00 PM**

**Chihiro Fujisaki** works in perfect tandem with Alter Ego, watching the satellite signals all disappear from the sky one by one. They manage to take over one of the few that still remain and restore internet reception for another half hour. Word goes out over the e-handbooks, letting everyone know that they should send out any last messages out NOW. **Rantaro Amami** knocks on the door and cracks his knuckles. Chihiro's ready to help out. He's got the list of everyone's favourite stuff to pirate that they haven't already got and he'll be damned if he doesn't try to fill up as much of the school's servers as he can within this time-frame. Huh. Someone had leaked an early cut of "The Family From The Day Before Yesterday" adaption. Better grab that, he remembered the book being pretty good.

In the morning renowned author of "So Lingers the Ocean" **Toko Fukawa** sent out her final short story, which critics would have described as perfectly capturing the essence of this moment in time if any of them were left. She even made the unprecedented decision to release it online _for free_ and hopes someone finds solace in it. In the afternoon she pens an emergency letter to the other Toko updating them on the current situation, so she’ll know exactly what to do if she needs to come out. She tapes it to her thigh. If worst comes to worst at least she's glad she'll never live to see Hollywood butcher her novels.

**4:30PM**

After **Sayaka Maizono** releases one last vlog update for all her loyal Sayakers out there she directs a personal message to **Makoto Naegi’s** little sister, gives him a kiss on the cheek and skips off to find Leon. The connection dies out for good a minute later.

It’s unimaginable that students of Japan’s most prestigious school would ever stoop to the level of illicit substances, so they aren’t doing that. **Leon Kuwata** doesn’t pass it to **Kaito Momota** , who doesn’t pass it to Sayaka, who doesn’t pass it to Fuyuhiko, who doesn't pass it to another **Kaito Momota**. "Hey! What’re you guys doing in there?” Everyone freezes. **Hiyoko Saionji** glares at **Peko Pekoyama** , who guards the door. There’s a long pause before Peko gives her the nod. Hiyoko has vodka gummies. This kind of thing never gets any easier, might as well have some fun with it.

**  
5:00 PM**

Tsumugi Shirogane knows she should have at least tried to stop Junko after the Cospox Telegram appeared on her arm, but she _didn't_ and now _everything_ was _ruined_.

TIMELINE IS BROKEN PLAINLY NOT OUR FAULT STOP ULTIMATE DESPAIR CANCELLED BUT WORLD MOSTLY ENDING ANYWAY STOP JUNKO ENTERING COMA GOING ON INNER JOURNEY MAYBE BECOMES SYMBOL OF HOPE SO THAT COULD BE KINDA COOL STOP THREE CLASSES OF STUDENTS LEFT INSIDE HOPES PEAK MAYBE SOME TEACHERS AND EXTRAS OUTSIDE PROBABLY NOT STOP ALMOST CERTAINLY WONT BE A STANDARD KILLING GAME NO EXTRACTION POSSIBLE STOP WE CANT COMPILE TIMELINE FAQ CONTACT NOT POSSIBLE AFTER THIS MESSAGE STOP WE REPEAT NOT USUAL KILLING GAME STOP REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR FACE ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS STOP WE ARE SORRY WE LOVE YOU TSUMUGI BE BRAVE USE COSPLAY TO BE WHOEVER YOU WANT SIGNED OTHER TSUMUGIS FROM THE FUTURE STOP 

**  
5:30 PM**

Chisa Yukizome announces over the P.A. that there will be an assembly in the gym at 5:45 PM, where The Principal will personally explain everything that's going on. Attendance is mandatory. Mikan and Mukuro each kiss Junko on the cheek and squeeze her perfect hands. She looks happy.

**  
5:45 PM**

Miss Yukizome doesn't know what's going on and apparently neither does Miss Gekkohara. Great Gozu whispers something in her ear and her face turns pale. She apologizes and says the Principal will be here shortly. There's been some kind of emergency incident in the 3rd year students' building they have to be on hand for. They leave, and when **Byakuya Togami** walks after her to demand an explanation he finds that all the doors have been locked. **Gonta Gokuhara** can't even dent them.

**6:00 PM**

Nothing happens. Sayaka falls to her knees and cries in tears of relief. Recent four-time lottery winner **Yasuhiro Hagakure** scratches his head and says "Man, I don't know what you guys were all worried about! I told you all we'd be fi-"

**  
6:01 PM**

The shockwave hits. The lights die out and everyone hurtles around in the dark for _minutes_. The rumbling's so loud that they can't even hear themselves yell, except for Ibuki. Later she insists that Maki did scream even though she flatly denies it. Ibuki thinks Maki's "do you want to die?" catchphrase is extremely hilarious. When electricity returns Kaito's the only one standing and the first to see the stuffed bear, but there are more urgent priorities. He pulls Mikan up from her... compromised position and the two of them check to see if anyone's injured. She's happy to announce that nobody's suffered more than some mild bruising and before she can respond to Kokichi's clearly baited question about if anyone here's suffered any brain damage a voice rings out over the P.A. system

**"AHEM. A STUDENT BODY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED. NO CLASS TRIALS WILL BE HELD."**

It's the voice from **Himiko Yumeno's** nightmares.

**"Eh, I guess only one or two of you are going to get that reference."**

**  
6:10 PM**

The bear says he's the new "backup principal". K1-B0 is pleased to meet another fellow robot and hopes they can get all along.

**6:30 PM**

The **stupid fucking Monokubs are here too.** Tsumugi is going to go back to her room and cry. Tsumugi hates this timeline, she hates looking at herself in the mirror and she hates Danganronpa. She hates it so fucking much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I decided to try creating some fanfiction for the first time to get my writing brain back in gear within a low-pressure environment. I'm hoping it'll also be a fun way to raise my WPM and experiment with different writing styles! There'll most likely be some fairly graphic content in later chapters, but at least for the first couple of chapters everyone will be on their best behaviour and I'll do my best to warn you/update the tags at each one's start. There's a timeline, but you can interpret it/fill in the blanks however you wish.
> 
> The V3 cast are Class 78-B, who arrived a couple of months after Class 78 due to unprecedented circumstances. The injuries, emotional turmoil etc. will probably commence around chapter 3 or 4. Or not. I'm improvising this thing chapter by chapter. The timeline is vague.
> 
> I welcome all feedback, comments, questions and writing advice! Remember to save regularly.
> 
> Next chapter: **T. FUKAWA** is typing...


	2. [X] HOPE'S PEAK HANDBOOK CHAT]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"It was my hope that we could build a new paradise without any internet at all. Instead, we found ourselves clinging to the past and created a new internet just like the old one. There were no mods and so we turned on each other to become the mods ourselves. Oh, the despair it brings."_  
>  **-N. KOMAEDA** , after a seven day ban for posting off topic in "RANTARO'S RECORDING BOOTH"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just messing around and trying to figure out how AO3's HTML formatting works. Imagine if Toko Fukawa could post on the internet. Your wildest fantasies have come true...

# HOPE'S PEAK HANDBOOK CHAT

**VOTING TIME: What's the hidden truth behind this Academy? The most popular suggestion wins _20 Monocoins!_**

  
 ** 1st: paint fumes! - Ibuki**   
2nd: Virtual Reality - Kyoko  
3rd: My sister's dreaming... - Mukuro  
4th: With one or two exceptions most of the "good" ultimates our age were also secretly in the collapsed 3rd Years' Building - Hajime  
5th: Bad Fanfiction - Hifumi, Tsumugi   


**Do you have time for a motive video? This week's motive:** _"Things that make me smile- A poem by Mikan Tsumiki"_

###  **> COMMENTS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS:**

  
**[PINNED] C. FUJISAKI (ADMIN):** The Moderators and I have come to the decision that we need to disable custom usernames in Handbook Chat for the foreseeable future, due to inappropriate behaviour on behalf of several users we aren't going to name. I had to spend a lot of time deleting things. It was also making things very hard to read.  
We will also be disabling custom images and emotes outside of private messages for the time being. If you have an idea for a custom emote, internet-style meme, Alter Ego skin or image of a cute anime girl you wish to have added to the drop-down list please contact **H. YAMADA (MOD)** , who will be happy to draw it for you.  
These were all difficult decisions for us to come to and we hope that we will be able to ease these restrictions in the future. If you have any questions or complaints about our current policies that aren't covered or explained clearly by the FAQ please contact **ALTER EGO (BOT)** or **K. ISHIMARU (MOD)**. For any issues with an AI or member of the moderation staff please contact our anonymous mediator **S. JUSTICE. (MOD)**  
Thank you for understanding. Feel free to comment, as we feel that a fair discussion is always necessary.  
  
 **B. TOGAMl:** So we're just going to pretend we don't know who's fault this is?  
 **S. MAIZONO:** Thank you for all the hard work, admin team! I really appreciate it. Shout out to all my Sayakers our there. -Sayaka <3  
 **G. GOKUHARA:** Iruma, Miuted  
 **K. SHINGUJI:** *laughs ominously* Kehehe...I have chatlogs which refute the accusations made at the breakfast table. It seems not everything was deleted in time.  
 **M. HARUKAWA:** I do not want my handbook to send me messages or make noises. I am doing important things. How do I mute this?  
 **T. CHABASHIRA:** CHIHIRO EVERYONE MUTE TOKO AGAIN NOW PLAESE  
 **B. TOGAMI:** So we're just going to pretend we don't know who's fault this is?  
 **L. KUWATA:** how the fuck is gonta so good at this  
 **K. AKAMATSU:** I would just like to point out that this time it isn't all on Miu, who is feeling very upset right now.  
 **G. TANAKA:** Somehow this announcement fails to mention that they also took away my custom fonts. This is, quite frankly, unacceptable.

###  **[X]GENERAL DISCUSSION:**

**MONOKUMA** , your ban from **GENERAL DISCUSSION** for **ban evasion** expires in 17 hours. This is your second offense.

###  **> NO GIRLS ALLOWED:**

**F. KUZURYUU:** So we're all gonna pin this on Miu, right?  
 **G. TANAKA:** Hmph. Agreed.  
 **R. HOSHI:** I'll say it. Hiyoko's actually the one at fault.  
 **MONOSUKE:** It's the case no matter which way you look at it.  
 **C. NANAMI:** That's true.  
 **F. KUZURYUU:** So, as I said, we're all gonna pin this on Miu, right?  
 **R. AMAMI:** I'm “gay”  
 **G. GOKUHARA:** Chiaki is allowed here.

###  **> LADIES LOUNGE:  
  
**

**C. LUDENBERG** I saw Toko open up her laptop fifteen minutes ago. Consider this an advanced warning.  
 **M. HARUKAWA:** How do I mute this? Could one person send me a private message but only one or send a message to Kirumi and get her to track me down and show me how to do it. It's Hiyoko's fault but probably also Miu's fault anyway.  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** [cat_stoic3.jpg]  
 **S. OGAMI:** I have not caught up with the chat yet but agree with what Aoi said yesterday. The way we are using this as a substitute for face-to face conversation after such a short time is worrisome.  
 **H. YUMENO:** this  
 **T. FUKAWA: [1/178]**

## CONTRADICTING REPOSE

An allegory by the renowned author

##  **TOKO FUKAWA**

** FOREWORD **

_This is all way over my head, but if you think my handwriting is good then I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! A compliments's a compliment, right?_   
**-Yasuhiro Hagakure, Ultimate Clairvoyant.**

** PREFACE: **

This one starts with Shakespeare. I usually wouldn't deign to use a Shakespeare quote of all things in front of something I write, but given how petty both this whole affair and the medium it is taking place within are I thought it particularly apropos. I've already made my thoughts on this channel quite clear ("The equivalent of ill-mannered children passing notes between each other during class, only without the courage involved. They haven't washed their hands."), although I must admit that my description may have been rather brusque. This is a chat room and thus I sand my writing down to a chat room's level. I also note, to my displeasure, that the butchers who administer of this network have chosen to limit the length of my messages and forced me to break them up. I do not like to do this. Everything I write is meant to be taken in as a whole and not cut up into one hundred and seventy eight little fragments that don't even symbolize anything. Copy-pasting these is very time consuming.

I do not mean to excuse any of Miu Iruma's past actions, or make any judgements as to whether or not she is was in any way responsible for the incidents that occurred last night. My thoughts on Iruma are well known to all who have read my previous messages. Nevertheless, as an author I feel it is important to explore the psychology behind why she behaves in the way she does through my own lenses.

In one of my last books I wrote offhandedly about there being a time for poetry and a time for spreadsheets, and how to the mathematician they may look one and the same. What is the difference between a chatroom and a series of spreadsheets crashing against each other like waves? The punchline should be obvious. Just because I put something as blatant as a Shakespeare quote in front of something I write doesn't mean I don't trust my readers to figure stuff out for themselves.

_**\- TOKO FUKAWA** _

** PROLOGUE  **

_"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."_   
**-Shakespeare, Macbeth**

An author, once acclaimed by many, said that Miu Iruma always thought in "a single unending **[continued in 2/178] ******

**H. YUMENO:** sucks.

 **T. FUKAWA: [2/178]** paragraph", which

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This_ Toko Fukawa's disdain extends to Byakuya Togami. 
> 
> **In the next chapter:** We're going to see stir-crazy paranoia seep in and people start to get hurt, while The Detective's Society of Five slowly start delving into the mysteries of how things ended up like this. _Or_ I guess we could also do something boring instead like check in with how Mikan's doing in the nurse's office or perv on Kaede trying to kiss Miu instead I guess.


	3. Mikan Tsumiki's Best Day Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ####  **Maki Harukawa accidentally stubs her toe. Sayaka Maizono gets her rash checked out.**
> 
> _"There are so many deadly things in here and so many students that are talented at killing people! It's truly one of Atua's miracles that nobody here's been crippled, killed or even seriously maimed since the doors got locked!"_   
>  **\- Angie Yonaga**   
>  _"Actually, I think it's because of Mikan. Seriously, the number of times she's-"_   
>  **-Leon Kuwata**   
>  _"Mikan, like all of us, is truly blessed to be kept safe by Atua, who shall accept no further questions."_   
>  **-Angie Yonaga.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> #### This is The Mikan chapter, so prepare for a lot. We're getting it out of the way now. Content warning for the following: blood, violence, injuries, implied/referenced child abuse, CSA, sexual assault, suicide, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, disease etc. _It's Mikan_. 
> 
> **I'm trying to be mindful of people's sensitivities with regards to this kind of content, so if I didn't tag anything sufficiently just let me know and I'll update it right away. I will not describe a sexual assault in detail, and if I ever do you'll always be warned well in advance if you want to skip it. My apologies.**
> 
> **Skip to "OMA, KOKICHI" if you want to get past the gnarly stuff, even though there's, like...a paragraph left. I'm still experimenting with formatting and probably going to try and go for a "one serious chapter, one fun chapter" pace for a bit to cool down. I welcome all feedback, letter bombs etc.**
> 
> DIALOGUE HAS BEEN CONDENSED DUE TO "ANNOYING" AMOUNTS OF STUTTERING

# Mikan Tsumiki's Best Day Ever.

A lot of students aren’t very happy about being trapped in Hope’s Peak Academy, but not **Mikan Tsumiki!** In fact, nearly _every_ day since the lock-down started has been _the best day ever_ for Mikan and sometimes she starts crying because of how grateful she is to be trapped in here instead of anywhere else, like her parents' basement or a 240l used sharps disposal bin. She knows she’s not really meant to sleep in her nurse’s clinic, but it’s important that she be on call for now in case anything happens during the night and this means that she doesn’t have to bother Peko by being in the same dorm room as her. She's never actually complained, but even though she doesn’t change her facial expression a lot Mikan can tell when she sees her that Peko’s been going through a lot and probably needs a lot of quiet time away from Mikan’s clumsiness. 

* * *

_They dropped Mikan off at the clinic and said if she "needed stitches" so badly she could just go in there and do it herself. The clinic they took her to wasn't a good place, but it didn't ask questions._

* * *

Mikan's lab/clinic was one of the only ones that was completed before they opened up the Academy early and it's the first place Mikan has ever had all to herself where she has the control and can organize the way she wants. She has three compact ward rooms and _seven_ beds _and_ an operating table, which Mikan can disinfect _just as much as she wants_. She has little cylinder locks on _all_ the doors so nobody can creep in at night without letting her know. She has her own little flower bed and even has _Junko_ , even though Junko's still asleep. Junko taught Mikan about the power of mindfulness and positive thinking, which completely turned the course of her life around for the better. Mikan isn't pathetic any more and she even has proper friends.

* * *

_Junko said Mikan was a "funny, pathetic little worker bee" who "had value" even if it was in a pathetic sort of way. She said that "Even if you don't love yourself right now you can change yourself by helping everyone out until even you can tolerate your own presence. Just keep being useful and do the best, pathetic little job you can! I'm not saying you're pathetic. I know you don't really get it right now so all you really have to do is absorb the noises from whatever words I'm saying and process them later when you're in a better place and your brain's working again. Look, I can tell you're already doing that thing where you over-write the stuff I'm saying in your memories with me calling you pathetic because it helps you cope with the fact that I'm paying you even the slightest bit of positive attention. Dang. The important thing for you, Mikan Tsumiki, to remember is that you have self worth and, uhh, something about mindfulness and positive thinking. Be a good girl for me and don't think too hard about it, 'kay?"  
  
Junko usually said something one minute and contradicted it the next, but Mikan always just went along with it because she loves Junko so much and anyway it's probably just Mikan's fault she didn't really understand._

* * *

Once Mikan finishes showering she likes to water her flowers and grab a quick and healthy breakfast. Toko is at eating alone at the table that's not quite on the left corner of the dining hall and Mikan politely suggests that it might be a good idea for the author to have a shower and come in for a check-up. She looks like she hasn't been sleeping even more than usual. Mikan says that she promises everything will be discreet and apologizes for the suggestion, but Toko just sort of mumbles incoherently.

* * *

_People here said they LIKED Mikan and consider her a friend. She begged Kyoko for help in her most pathetic voice, because if the set-up is this elaborate then the trap they're setting for her must be extra cruel. She can't avoid it, but if she knows what's coming she'll be able to steel her nerves better. Kyoko just says that when people say they "like Mikan and consider her a friend... maybe it means they like Mikan and consider her a friend"? in the voice she uses when she's unveiling a mystery's solution. At the time Mikan didn't know what she meant._

* * *

Sayaka is her first patient of the day! She's worried about the rash and doesn't want anyone to know. Mikan is a professional and even if it _were_ transmitted like that she wouldn't disclose anything without Sayaka's permission. Rantaro is next. Sprained toe, not really anything to worry about. No rash. Hifumi and Taka come in and consult her about making warning signs for some of the safety hazards they've been dealing with (like the paint in the hallways that make everyone dizzy). Mikan's good at treating accidents, but not very good at providing advice for preventing them. Everyone had had that exposed to them. Repeatedly. However, she's pleased to inform them that the rash everyone's getting is _not_ an STD and ringworm has been successfully eradicated from the academy. They say that's useful and she starts crying, but manages to stop Hifumi on the way out and give him a jar of some special shampoo.

* * *

  * **AMAMI, RANTARO** _has_ _suffered a sprained toe. Accident with a shot-put ball.  
  
_
  * **MAIZONO, SAYAKA** _unidentified_ _rash, upper thigh. Large, highly visible. Get someone smarter than me to ply Monokubs for details, see if Monokuma behind this.  
  
_
  * **YAMADA, HIFUMI** _has contracted head lice._



* * *

Kirumi and Mahiru come around to deliver her lunch, which is good because she needs to change Kirumi's hand bandages. It's a testament to the maid's natural athletic talent that she was able to catch the cable so precisely mid-fall, but if she'd been just a split second off then third-degree rope burns would be far from the worst of her injuries. Mikan had the moments when not to pry beaten into her a long time ago, but Shuichi said that someone had coated that cable with some industrial sounding chemical that'd cause your skin to blister and itch upon contact. By the time Kirumi's gloves wore through it had been scraped off. Mikan whispered to him that she thinks it was meant for Akane and meant to look like Kazuichi did it.

It's also good to have other people deliver your lunch because when they do nobody's going to put dead moths inside of -oh! Hiyoko is here. She says she's only here to talk to the other two, because nobody wants to hear Mikan's _"ugly little wheezing voice and the only thing good about Mikan is her hilarious wet mop haircut everyone laughs at, which she should thank be thanking me for"_. Hiyoko, who's cervical cord is vulnerable and she wouldn't even be able to beg if Mikan wasn't so nice, ignores her and says needs Kirumi to come right away because Chiaki's hurt really bad and needs the help of someone competent. Hiyoko gets a lollipop to make her go away and Nurse Mikan is on the case!

* * *

  * **NANAMI, CHIAKI** _is experiencing pain in abdomen, fever. Severe case of appendicitis. According to her roommate (Sonia Nevermind) Chiaki mistook the symptoms for severe cramps and already suffered from a lack of appetite and nausea when moving due to hours playing video games under blanket fort. She alerted Sonia by repeatedly saying "ow" in slightly less quiet voice than usual. It is not advisable to play video games without regular breaks, which I must inform patient if she survives. Immediate open surgical operation necessary._ _  
  
_
  * **MIODA, IBUKI** _has fainted and is frothing at the mouth again. No sign of rabies, epileptic fit. Regular occurrence. Lie her down on blankets, have Mahiru Koizumi watch her and tell her to avoid the recently painted corridors._



* * *

Mukuro is there to visit Junko when she gets back and Mukuro's probably the most useful person in the school to have as backup during an operation! Combat knives are _basically_ scalpels, and as the Ultimate Soldier she always had a cool head on her shoulders even when there's blood everywhere. Mukuro had wonderful skin and didn't get hit on the battlefield once which meant she had no scars apart from the ones Junko left her (double lucky!) The hospital where Mikan started training wasn't very good, so even though Mikan is a nurse she's also had to be the doctor a lot of the time as well. If it's not immediately dying then Mikan can keep pretty much anything alive... apart from a conversation! She came up with that joke on her own and was very proud of it.

_Apply anaesthesia. Have Kirumi guard door. Disinfect. Gloves. Apron. Check if patient has stopped saying "ow". Scalpel. Angle. Incision. Banging in vents. Green Monokub drops from vents. Says he can act as defibrilator. Defibrilator not necessary. Kick out at risk of more Monokubs arriving. Blood pressure. Scalpel. Incision..._

* * *

Chiaki was going to be just fine, because Mikan's good at doing surgery and if there's even a chance you're not going to die you can bet that The Ultimate Nurse will stretch that chance out for the rest of your life! There probably wouldn't even be a very big scar, because Mikan was an expert on scars and not leaving them. Hers don’t show up as much as they used to because Mikan knows how to take care of her skin and is happy to offer everyone advice on this and many other useful subjects if they ever want to ask.

There's a banging at the door. Judging by it's ferocity this could be another emergency.

* * *

  * **HAGAKURE, YASUHIRO** _has contracted head lice._  
  

  * **OWARI, AKANE** _has contracted head lice._



* * *

The Ultimate Nurse is always prepared for anything, but Toko actually entering the clinic smelling _clean_ is a real turn-up for the books. She wants to know what's up with the rash, but seems in a much better mood than usual. As a responsible care provider Mikan can't help but inquire about the cuts on Toko's legs. When the writer shouts "YEAH, WHAT OF IT?" in an accusatory manner Mikan tries to calm her down and placate her by showing Toko all of _her_ scars to let her know that she's not alone. Toko smiles in a way Mikan's never seen her smile before and says she never thought she'd meet someone else like _her_ here. Mikan gives her a hug and says that _it's OK_ , because here at Hope's Peak you're always among friends. They'll take care of each other. Makoto and Ryoma arrive and drag Toko off a minute later, but Mikan feels like she's finally broken through the writer's gloomy exterior and found an inner self that can shine as bright as the sun.  
  


* * *

  * **FUKAWA, TOKO** _Rash, will contact later about counselling. Organize group?  
  
_
  * **HOSHI, RYOMA** _Small cut on forehead, says he was running with scissors. Have advised him not to do that in the future!_



* * *

  
Kaede comes in near the end of the day to ask some questions about Miu, which is fine because Miu explicitly told Mikan that she can _ **"** DISCLOSE WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT ME AND MY DISCHARGES, BECAUSE YOU AND IF ANYONE ASKS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT I GOTS NO STDS THAT I DIDN'T INVENT MYSELF AND YOU CAN TELL EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN THE BUILDING THAT FOR ALL I CARE. BOO-YEAH!"_ Kaede says that's good to know, but not what she's asking about. She refuses to make eye contact in a way that lets Mikan know that she _was_ also here to ask about that, which is good. Kaede might be able to help Miu out with some of her personal problems and _Mikan has Junko to be her Miu now._ Kaede wants to know more about Miu's past. The inventor and the nurse go back years and Mikan thinks they're each the other's oldest friend, kind of, but they've had a.. complicated relationship. Mikan has to pepper in a couple of cheeky little white lies and omit some key facts for the wellbeing of everyone involved. Kaede thanks her for her time while Mikan ruminates.

Miu's always been nicer to Mikan than she is to most of the other students and they've made up since then, but she remembers the big fight they had just before the school got closed off and how _vicious_ they both were to each other. Mukuro commented on it later. Nurse and inventor stood on opposite ends of the table, arguing in even tones and _hissing_ insults at each other without simpering, shouting or flinching. Miu was the one who eventually backed down and ran away crying, but Mikan had to resort to using the birthday story to get there, which she still feels guilty about. Miu still comes back every couple of weeks and petitions her to change her mind, but this is an issue Mikan will NEVER relent on under anything but the most dire circumstances.

* * *

_"Oh, really? You think you can just **fix it** **?** Let me ask you a question: Miu, do you remember what happened to you at your birthday party? May 12th, the one at the hospital? Because I do. I was there for the whooooole thing..."_

* * *

_"MIKAN!"_ Gonta shouts loud enough to make Mikan's ears hurt, but it at least gives her a second of advanced warning until the door bursts open. In run three, four, five students covered in blood and Peko Pekoyama. Not a good sign! Gonta Gokuhara and Angie Yonaga carry in an unconscious Tenko Chabashira. Or rather, Gonta carries her in while Angie holds her hand. Kaito Momota and Peko follow, carrying Maki Harukawa between them in looking like she's been in a car accident. Everyone is covered in blood, but Tenko is actively dripping on the floor at a dangerous rate. it looks like her leg's been given a makeshift bandage, but it's soaking right through. Both of Maki's arms are hanging unusually loose. Kaito, for his part, seems to have been cut across the face, but it's a shallow cut. Faces just bleed a lot. Peko is the only one among them who looks spotless.

Peko says it's an accident and promises to explain later. One of the earliest useful things Mikan ever learned was _knowing when to not ask questions and just accept the story you're given if you don't want to be hit._ She trusts Peko to give her an acceptable explanation after the immediate danger is over and gets into her zone.

* * *

  * **CHABASHIRA, TENKO** _has gone into shock and has suffered severe blood loss from two accidental puncture wounds in her right thigh, inflicted with "fingers that went sharp in some kind of gouging strike" by an unnamed party. Peko Pekoyama witnessed this accident occur and wishes for it to be noted that the other party "skillfully avoided touching the arterial veins, demonstrating a strong loyalty to her friend and wish to cause minimal harm throughout this accident which occurred". She is also suffering from bruised hips, caused by "repeated accidental high velocity kicks made at short range, somewhat like a mule" from an unnamed party.  
  
_
  * **GOKUHARA, GONTA** _has accidental bite wounds on his left index, middle and ring fingers from when he accidentally stuck them in an unnamed party's mouth. _  
  

  * **HARUKAWA, MAKI** _is currently unconscious, suffering from blunt force trauma to the head accidentally inflicted with a non-lethal blow from an unknown party's "shinai" bamboo sword, bruised, possibly sprained wrists and elbows from accidentally being pinned down to the floor and held with significant pressure by an unnamed party, a bruised jaw from being forcibly held open by an unnamed party to prevent accidentally biting others present as well as tongue, cuts along own ribs and hips (self-inflicted, accidentally scratched with own fingernails) facial bruises (self inflicted,accidentally repeatedly slamming own head against floor), a broken nose (accidentally slamming own head against floor) a sprained foot (self inflicted, accidentally rammed into floor and damaged when delivering heels kicks at awkward angle) and dislocated shoulders (self-inflicted, accidentally dislocated in order to accidentally stab an unnamed party's thigh during an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to force them to release an accidental pressure hold and use the same strike to pierce own neck). Rash.  
  
_
  * **MOMOTA, KAITO** _has shallow cuts across his eyes from when he accidentally had some long hair whipped in his face at high velocity, glass shards on his feet from when he accidentally dropped a mobile phone  
  
_
  * **YONAGA, ANGIE** _No injury, just "collecting blood." Must leave room_.



* * *

In Mikan's clinic she has power over life and death and Mikan will always, _always_ choose life. Mikan lived over and over again so everyone else has to as well. Tenko gets carried into the recovery ward where she can rest and play video games with Chiaki when they both wake up. Her leg will heal, and Nekomaru knows all about physiotherapy. According to Peko she was very brave when all the accidents happened, did her job better than expected and when Maki's awake she'll agree too.

Maki gets a nice little room of her own. Peko advises her that Maki doesn't have any hidden weapons or poison capsules hidden on her body. Mikan wasn't going to ask why that would be the case, but finds this very reassuring to know anyway. She's very pretty when she doesn't have her nose broken, but Mikan recognises a lot of Maki's scars because she has them too. Maki's are a lot neater (there's that darn rash again), and look like they were done professionally. Oh, I see! Perhaps that's why the two of them both have such a talent for caring? Mikan will just have to do an extra good job then, because a child caregiver deserves extra special care!

* * *

_Being the Ultimate Nurse means you're the very best at keeping the sick and injured from dying, even if they don't want to be alive._

* * *

Peko doesn't want to make eye contact with Mikan, which is fine. She just grips her shinai and relaxes it over and over again. _"I've...I've been having a problem with a relationship."_ Oh... she's never really heard Peko's voice sound like this before. It's frustrated and sad. Wavering. Imprecise. _"W-would you like to talk about it?"_

 _"...no, I'd like it to go away, but... it can't so I need to talk about it anyway. I'm sorry. I don't...know the right words for this kind of thing. Whenever I say something the meaning isn't exact and there's no correct choice of phrasing because I don't know how I actually feel. My apologies. I'm sorry."_ She clenches her shoulder with one hand and grips the sword's grip with the other. Grip, ungrip. Mikan reflexively mirrors Peko's apology without thinking about it. _"I'm sorry too... is this about you and... Maki?"_

 _"Perhaps, I don't know. It's very complex and I'm not...good with complicated feelings. I look at what's going on with me and I understand it on one level but on another I can't do anything about it or control the way I feel about it. There's something wrong with my brain and nothing's working properly any more. I never got a chance to find out what it is and even the words I use to describe things aren't working and I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS!"_ Peko Pekoyama actually yells. As soon as she does a lifetime of poise crumbles away and Peko's suddenly just an awkward, sobbing teenager. She clumsily staggers to the floor next to Maki's bed and curls up into a ball. _"I'm sorry. I haven't shouted in ten years. I don't know what's wrong with me but I think it's always been there and I don't know what to do and we're the only people here. I'm really sorry."_

* * *

  * **OMA, KOKICHI** _is suffering from food poisoning, self inflicted to gain access to secure medicine cabinet, double secure medicine cabinet left by Seiko Kimura, patient wards in effort to find information about "What happened to Maki". Kaito Momota and Angie Yonaga were already aware of this plan in advance, ambushed and apprehended him. Kokichi Oma complains Shuichi Saihara "betrayed him" and can't be trusted._



**SECOND OFFENSE. KOKICHI OMA IS TEMPORARILY BARRED FROM ENTERING**

**THE NURSE'S OFFICE PENDING LIFE-THREATENING ILLNESS, INJURY.**

* * *

It's still the best day ever, so Mikan just chooses not think about Kokichi. Her capacity for forgiveness is near limitless, so she knows it'll be all better in the morning. She needs to get some dinner, but there's still...oh, goodness! Another knock at the door. She really hopes it's not another emergency, but-

Everyone is standing there. They're holding what looks like some sort of a cake with Mikan's name on it. She feels her legs collapse from under her and her head hits a chair. As she loses consciousness she hears Kazuichi and Sonia explain to them that you can't just make her too happy all at once or this'll keeps happening.

When she wakes up somebody else has given her the stitches she needs _(it's a good effort, but she'll cheekily pull them out later and do them herself)._ A lot of people got hurt, but that means that Mikan just got to _help more of her friends out!_ She nestles into Junko's arms as she falls asleep and thinks that this might've been the best day ever, but not for long... because she's going to try and make tomorrow even better still!

* * *

 _Mikan Tsumiki dreams she is a rabbit._ ~~  
~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The rash is spreading.**   
>  ****
> 
> #### COMING UP NEXT:
> 
> * Who's The Smartest Student? Who's The Deadliest? A bunch of the really strong ones got hurt and can't actually fight, so instead **Chiaki** hosts a bedside discussion with her new best friend **Sayaka** , regular panellist **Monosuke** and a string of guests. It's **"THINKING TIME" WITH SAYAKA MAIZONO**  
> 
> * Why _is_ **Peko** so upset? What's up with **Maki?** What can **Fuyuhiko** do to help? Sadly, it's not that kind of love triangle. Find out in... **AND MAKI MAKES THREE**  
> 
> * While the smart students are busy **Kazuichi's** actually making real headway in figuring out what's going on. However, his quest to fix up The Monokubs' fundamentally shoddy carpentry and grow a beard is waylaid by **Akane's** discovery of an unlimited alcohol source in... **BEER & SODA**  
> 
> * Why _is_ **Miu** like that? It's a funny, sad little story which lots of very expensive doctors tried to figure it out, but they're all dead now and we can't get a chapter from her perspective yet so it's up to **detective Kaede** to figure out the perfect metaphor for her new girlfriend and solve ... **MIU'S CLUES**
> 
> One or two of those are probably real. Either that or we check in on, like, Mahiru. Whatever man it's your decision just yell in my direction if you've got questions.


	4. Transcript: "Thinking Time with Sayaka Maizono"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **POLL: MOST POPULAR STUDENT**  
>  **1:** _Sayaka ___  
>  **2:** _Gonta_  
>  **3:** _SAYAKA_
> 
> _  
>  **  
>  _It's LADIES NIGHT inside Chiaki's blanket fort. Sayaka's fake talk show cleverly lets us sequence break and save going through around 10 chapters worth of "plot". This is the unedited transcript of that talk show, where two out of the four Junko Enoshimas make an appearance._   
>  **   
>  _There's a couple of really big, important plot twists throughout this story, which means we can just speed-run through the rest of the ones that aren't super important like this and maybe watch a highlights reel later._   
>  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a Danganronpa fanfiction with all the Monosuke youse could ever want. Man, we're gonna make a million fuckin' kudos offa 'dis bad boy!
> 
> The next few chapters are probably going to be written in way more conventional styles/formats. I'm just goofin' around here, but we do actually have gut-clenching tragedies and beautiful romances to get to! At least one of each, probably. As always, leave a comment if you want to yell at me about there not being enough Monosuke and remember to save regularly.

After her operation Mikan had advised Chiaki to get plenty of bed rest and avoid any tiring activity. She said the same thing after she'd fainted in the middle of the cafeteria a couple of times. For whatever reason Chiaki Nanami just wasn't healthy. Not much had actually changed about her sedentary lifestyle, except Kirumi now brought her the food that Mikan had advised her to eat instead of her usual chips n’ dips and checked in on her regularly twice a day. _"Chiaki!"_ It was distracting, but she’d put up with it. Sleeping was getting kind of hard, though. _Chiaki Nanami!_ She'd been having the same weird pair of nightmares over and over again, which didn't really make her feel optimistic about her chances given that everyone else was also- _"Chiaki Chiaki Chiaki! Hello! Hello Chiaki!"_ Huh? Something else was distracting her now, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. Was...was she being filmed? Is that a camera? Who's shoes are those and how long have they been waving a hand in her face. _Oh, right, we were meant to be doing this today..._

#### “Chiaki! Hey, Chiaki! Hi! It’s Sayaka!”

**> [PAUSE]**

### TRANSCRIPT: "THINKING TIME WITH SAYAKA MAIZONO"  
EPISODE 1: THE DEADLIEST ULTIMATE PT.1 

* * *

**INT. CHIAKI’S BLANKET FORT**  
**IT'S VERY COZY AND WARM IN HERE AND THERE IS SURPRISINGLY FLATTERING LIGHTING, WHICH IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT.**

**SAYAKA MAIZONO, THE EXTREMELY BORED ULTIMATE POP IDOL AND DARLING OF THE REMAINING HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY STUDENTS POINTS THE CAMERA IN THE DIRECTION OF HER NEW BEST FRIEND CHIAKI NANAMI, THE ULTIMATE GAMER. CHIAKI SMILES AND WAVES AT THE CAMERA IN A SOMEWHAT SHY MANNER.**

> **CHIAKI**  
>  Oh, hey. I heard you wanted to talk to me about something, Sayaka?
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  That’s right! While you were out cold me and a bunch of the guys were arguing about who "The Most Dangerous Ultimate" is and we were wondering if we could get your input on this in some kind of panel discussion, that I’m planning to host regularly?
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Sure, I guess. I mean, I'd love to.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  It's "Thinking Time with Sayaka Maizono!!"

* * *

_"...aaand cut! That was terrific."_ Chiaki wasn't really sure why the bear was involved, but so far most of what they did was just goof around and complete construction of the school in disappointingly slow manner. _"Is anyone going to see this? I'm not really great with being put on camera."_ Sayaka seemed to consider this for a second. _"Hmmm. Probably no more than, like, five people who aren't in it, buut I figure if I'm going to be a pop idol on the outside if there's anyone left out there I should probably keep making stuff to keep my practice up. So, I'm moving into, like, vlogs I guess? I'd really appreciate your help."_

Chiaki had already agreed, so she had nothing else to do but relax back into her beanbag while Sayaka scooted up next to her. Sayaka feels nice and she's wearing her pyjamas. Her hair smells like blackberries. _"I'm pretty sure wearing these would seem, hmm, relatable? Oh, that's right! Monosuke here's acting as my shifty manager, because I feel like that helps me get more into character and he always wanted to do it, so...why not? He's paying me for the privilege! Anyway, do you have any questions before we start this?"_

 _"Do I have to look at the camera? Or can I keep playing video games and just...talk, I guess?"_ A thumbs up from Sayaka. _"Make it turn based, but go right ahead! If you're playing video games now it lends credence to your expertise as a gamer and it's better if you just look natural, you know? Are we all good?"_ A mutual thumbs up is exchanged.

* * *

> **SAYAKA (V.O)**  
>  Mukuro Ikusaba. Akane Owari. Gonta Gokuhara. Teruteru Hanamura.  
>  There are currently 48 Ultimate Students here at Hope's Peak Academy, but debate still rages as to which ones are the smartest, strongest, and, most of all...deadliest.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  With Kirumi Tojo currently out of action and several other students currently injured or in the process of being injured it's impossible to host the "Ultimate Battle League" Monokuma implied to Kyoko was originally planned on and this Academy seems ideally set up for. So that's why we're just going to argue about it tonight, so no more people have to get hurt! Chiaki Nanami here is The Ultimate Gamer and therefore an expert on all things tournament and fighting-game adjacent, I assume!. Chiaki, who do you think the deadliest person in the academy is? Pchewww

**SAYAKA SHOOTS SOME FINGER GUNS AT CHIAKI**

> **CHIAKI**  
>  How are we defining "deadliest". Does Monokuma count? Because I'm pretty sure if there's a robot bear out with infinite clones that'd probably make whoever's controlling Monokuma deadlier than all of us combined. Providing they're an Ultimate, I mean.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Woah, woah, woah! That's classified information. Trust the gamer to pick up on a little loophole like that. Anyways, out of all the students you'll see in the handbook. Besides, who says there's even a student controlling Monokuma this time? Don't try and be nitpicky!
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Wow, that sure is an interesting thing to say Monosuke, it's almost like you were made to be on TV! Anyway, let's say that it's a series of one-on one battles. Fighting game expert, tell me what you've got!
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Well, if it's unarmed combat then Sakura's definitely the skillful and strongest...I think. Gonta might be physically stronger, but Akane's extremely fast and I don't think even Nekomaru has any idea how powerful he could be if he applied his own methods to himself. I don't know how good Mukuro would be unarmed and Tenko's supposed to be real good but I'd have trouble putting any odds on her.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  That's where I come in! You see, me and the other robots that're also cute bears have access to thousands of, how do I put this, simulations where you kids all kill each other in a bunch of different scenarios! It's usually more of a murder mystery thing, so Chiaki's actually a lot better at those even though she doesn't make it to the end. Anyway, I'll talk more about all the stats and betting odds later.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Huh...oh! That reminds me. Aoi said Murder Mystery Night IV's nearly ready! We've got everything here to make it the best murder mystery night ever, right? Almost everyone's joining in.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  That's really good to hear! I think it'll really relieve some of the tensions going around, now that the whole Ultimate Detective thing's been settled. Anyway, I think the real question is what people's motivations for fighting are and whether they're, like, to the death or just sparring.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  That's a good point! Sakura may be the Ultimate Martial Artist, but I don't think anyone here's really capable of killing anyone... I mean, apart from Mukuro or Ryoma, but we all get that Ryoma's turned over a new leaf 'cause he's cool, and I trust Mukuro, ya know? Just because You're capable of killing doesn't mean you're going to go ahead with it!
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Yeah. Gonta's strong, but he wouldn't hurt a fly... was that one OK?

**CHIAKI LOOKS AT SAYAKA, WONDERING IF THAT LINE WAS TOO CHEESY**

> **SAYAKA**  
>  No, that joke was really good. See! It's easy. Everyone thinks they sound worse than they do because they're always hyper-critical of their own voice. They're used to it, so they pick up all the imperfections others can't see.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Whaaatever, who cares about that? Anyway, you're right on the money! Especially regardin' non-fatal hand to hand, although I think Tojo could probably take on Akane if Akane were having an exceptionally bad day. However, that's really besides the point! We're talkin' deadliest, here. That implies killing. And, as you pointed out, that totally changes things and, as I said, it all comes down to motivation.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Hmmm. I'm pretty sure even if we all had strong motivations not all of us would be able to kill each other. I know I'd have a lot of trouble doing that, and so would  
>  people like Hajime. I believe all of us are good people, deep down... except for maybe... well, I don't want to say it.

**CHIAKI BITES HER LIP AND LOOKS VISIBLY DISTRESSED AT THIS**

> **MONOSUKE**  
>  That's sensible, you don't want to get on anyone's bad side! Especially with who I think you're thinkin' about. But you'd be surprised! I've watched a lot of these near perfectly accurate simulations and lemme say something. We know everything about you losers and you guys are practically designed to start murderin' each other with extreme effectiveness, apart from this timeline right here and now where it won't happen whatsoever. You guys've all got a bunch of secrets and powerful abilities! Do you want me to have a quick look at some of the stats?
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  That's what you're here for!
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Alright! Here's a couple of fun ones. There's only a small chance of any one of you killing in any reality, but when you do I have your success/failure ratios right here,  
>  along with some interesting facts about how often youse all die and how. ...wow, Chiaki! I, uh, have some good news and some bad news.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  What is it?
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  In pretty much every universe where the killing starts you're one of the ones who doesn't make it out! Not only that, but when you do attempt to kill someone, you've got a near 100% success rate. How about that?
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Is...is that true?

**CHIAKI CLUTCHES HER CHEST, BUT IT'S AN EXPRESSION OF HAVING ONE'S SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED, RATHER THAN A SUDDEN SHOCK**

> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Oh, yeah! Lemme see here. Wait, never mind all those things I said just now. You're still not looking too great survival wise, but there's some other not-you Chiaki Nanami I guess the simulations use as a hypothetical test subject or something? SHE always dies. It was messing with the numbers, that's weird.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  ...that's very interesting! Got any more fun Chiaki facts?
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  I think in general the issue is that she seems like a really easy target She just has that vibe about her. She's just kind of soft and vulnerable, like a flipped over turtle or a tasty rabbit. Oh, sometimes she dies from the appendicitis she had a little while ago or a heart condition that you can't diagnose if Mikan dies, so I'd maybe get that checked out right away if I were you!
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  ...I see.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  I mean, you're not the only outlier. Hajime's got some stuff going on that Chiaki probably already knows about, Nagito and Yasuhiro are kind of extremely hard to predict because of their talents, the screwy inventor always comes up with some big plan that never succeeds, there's some interesting stuff happening with Nekomaru. There's a lot of patterns, you know what I'm saying?
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Anyway, back to the one-on-one fighting, because that's what people really want to hear about. Actually, speaking of the people you just mentioned, we have a very special guest for tonight. Let's bring her in right now. Let's have a look at who it is...
> 
> **SAYAKA (CONT.)**  
>  Wow! It's the cutest girl on earth... Junko Enoshima?!? What a surprising guest! It must be a miracle. I love the new freckles, by the way! I'd say you look even cuter than before.

**JUNKO ENOSHIMA, THE ULTIMATE FASHIONISTA, SCOOTS IN BETWEEN CHIAKI AND SAYAKA, WHERE SHE JUST MANAGES TO FIT IN. CHIAKI THINKS JUNKO ALSO SMELLS NICE EVEN THOUGH SHE'S MEANT TO BE IN A COMA RIGHT NOW.**

> **JUNKO**  
>  Like...thanks! Do...people know at this point? About the two of us? Because I don't really want to, like, keep up this secret act for too much longer.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  You mean that we're best friends, wink at camera? You only need to let people know as much about your loved ones as you're comfortable with. I won't kiss and tell, knowingly wink at the camera again <3 Anyway, I've been told you've got some fun facts on this school's combatants.
> 
> **JUNKO**  
>  I have, but that's always kind of been my gross big sister's deal. I think it would be better if you, like, spoke to her instead. Would that be OK?
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  The more the merrier...aaand, cut!

* * *

_Mukuro Ikusaba tells Nanami to wait outside the building, close her eyes and cover her ears until she gives the signal. She turns the corner, shooting every target with perfect accuracy. The guards are well payed but under-trained and under-equipped. All the scientists are just out of shape old men, crying as they watch a century of research, thousands of failed test subjects and countless resources go up in smoke less than a week before it would have reached fruition. They don't get to cry for long, the Ultimate Soldier is efficient._

_Chiaki screws her eyes shut as her friend Mukuro tugs her quickly through the corridors. She can smell smoke and burning plastic. It's scary. She lies to herself and says that there must have been a fire accident happening. HAJIME. The two of them unhook him from the machines and carry him between them on their way out. This time Chiaki has to look at the bodies. It's not like a video game._

_Hajime Hinata escapes as Hajime Hinata. The Izuru Kamakura Project ends with one final failure in a long, long line._

* * *

**JUNKO ENOSHIMA HAS BEEN REPLACED BY HER TWIN SISTER MUKURO IKUSABA, WHO IS WEARING A BATH ROBE OVER HER CLOTHES. JUNKO ENOSHIMA CAN BE SEEN EXITING THE BLANKET FORT AND WAVING GOODBYE, EATING THREE MONOSUKE-BRANDED CHOCOLATE BARS AT ONCE**

> **CHIAKI**  
>  Mukuro, who do you think the deadliest students here are if we were to make, like...a tier list? Some people say you're the number one pick.
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  Umm...It's all, like...contextual, isn't it? There's at least eight people here who could theoretically hurt me in a fight under the right circumstances, but I'm pretty sure I could beat any of them with significant preparation. But that also works the other way around.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Oh! You don't have to, but can you name any names?
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  I know Ogami and Pekoyama could probably beat me around 50% of the time, it more or less depends on the range. There's another student in here who I'm pretty sure could kill me easily if he or she got the drop, but I don't think it'd be cool for me to disclose who it is. Kind of like an honor among thieves thing, you know? If Chabashira was close enough she could probably take me down too...
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Oh, yeah! Neo Aikido's kind of some bullshit, but Tenko's so good at it anyway that when she gets a grip on you she's like, bam! No normal human can get out of it unless they do some crazy unexpected bullshit like what Maki pulled off with dislocatin' her own arms. And even that didn't work!
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Oh! I was right, so it was Maki who did that.
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  Can we cut that bit out? I don't really wanna, like, expose any of what Maki's got going on. She's been through a lot and deserves some privacy. I feel kind of bad for her.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Sure, no problem. Any others?

* * *

_Angie Yonaga holds Maki Harukawa's hand within one of her own and strokes it with another. Angie's hands are red, and the red is soaking through the sheets. Maki stares down at the blood and tries not to look into Angie's soothing gaze.“Oh, do you see blood? I have simply being mixing some paint. Sometimes a hand gets some paint on it, but the stains it leaves don’t mean the grip can’t soothe. I have received a divine message, just for you! She understands what you are going through, Maki. She already knows everything, you see? Therefore, there is no need to ask for forgiveness."_

* * *

> **MUKURO**  
>  Thanks. I don't know what Tojo or Mondo could do and obviously you've got your guys like Gonta and Ryoma who could beat me easily, but only with very, very specific prompts. Also there's a couple of people like Nagito or Korekiyo where it's hard to really predict what they can pull off, you know? Like if Leon threw a baseball at me that'd probably take me out, but when't that going to happen? My hot tip is to never underestimate your opponent and assume you're untouchable. That's the only reason I've never been touched. In battle, anyway.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Wow! You sound confident.
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  I think most of the students here are, like, good people, which I'm pretty sure Nanami must have pointed out earlier. Like, I can't see her, the boy detective, Asahina or Akamatsu killing anyone. People like Fukawa and Princess Nevermind, also. That's not an insult! I just don't think they're really cut out for the battlefield, which is a good thing.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Did you ever play Metal Gear Solid?
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  Nah, but I get the picture. Thanks.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Um...if people do start killing each other do you have any tips on how to keep your friends alive?
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  I'd say just keep your head down and out of the spotlight. Basic stuff, you know? Don't worry, I'll, like... protect you more'n everyone else, I guess. Like usual. Deal?
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  Deal. Anyone who comes after me has to deal with The Ultimate Soldier!

**THE TWO OF THEM SHARE A SMALL HANDSHAKE AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA**

* * *

> **SAYAKA**  
>  You hear that, folks? I trust all of my friends here to keep any fighting to a minimum outside and anyone of a sporting context, once we can figure out a good schedule-
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  -and once I can set up an interesting bettin' system. Man, this timeline's gonna be super profitable for me!
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  ...wait, IS time travel possible? You keep saying timeline. I'm just a teensy bit curious.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Nah, it's impossible for anyone to travel through time unless there's very, very specific circumstances. The only exception's if you're trapped in a sort of self-contained death loop, but those usually only exist within a single linear timeline as a way to sort of straighten things out and they usually close off neatly within a short amount of time. They're like one of those things that keeps other forms of time travel impossible. You can maybe send limited information backwards, but it's super difficult and it usually ends up causing all sorts of trouble. It's like a quantum mechanics deal. Sending info across from a parallel universe is slightly easier, but even then it's not a sure thing! In theory, anyway. There's, like, this unbreakable wall between dimensions that no living thing can cross.
> 
> **MUKURO**  
>  Darn. It would be cool to, like, use time travel info to win the lottery or something.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Only a complete asshole would do that. Anyways, the only way I think you could maybe guarantee a form of timeline jumping is finding or creating an AI version of you from somewhere else and then sending THAT data across, but then it still wouldn't really be you, right? You'd learn a lot of interesting things, though. It would make figuring out what's going on a lot easier for you kids, if someone could do that, and especially if you could somehow read that version's thoughts inside your heads. We're trying to do our best make it as easy as possible for you kids this timeline.
> 
> **CHIAKI**  
>  ...
> 
> **MONOSUKE (CONT.)**  
>  Anyway, that's a cool movie idea I stole from Monodam! When the other Monokubs are busy working with Soda to fix up this place I have to hold up the entire act by myself! I just think that kind of stuff's real fascinatin'. Bam! Sorry to throw anyone off like that with my trademark misdirection. Time travel's all fake bullshit and so's magic, so try not to die or you're dead for real and forever. There's no mage who's gonna use a magic book to cast "Resurrection", so that's not what's going on here. Chiaki's gonna be fine.  
>    
>  **CHIAKI**  
>  I appreciate the game reference, I think.

* * *

_Chiaki Nanami sometimes dreams about being a dead Coyote in the middle of the road. Every time the coyote_  
_peels it's body up and tries limping away to lick it's wounds another car comes from the opposite direction._

* * *

> **MUKURO**  
>  Sorry, I just have to check my phone for a minute real quickly. Mikan says it's urgent. Is that OK? Junko can take back over for me.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  That's fine! I'm only really planning to upload these outside of this school once we find out if anyone's out there and we get the internet back, y'know? I'll edit them all down later and cut a bunch of that time travel stuff out so it doesn't make anyone bored. Is that OK, Mr Producer?
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  Of course! In fact, I'd appreciate it. There's some other people in here who'd get very mad about me saying that if Soda weren't doin' such a good job distractin' em right now.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Awesome. Oh, hey Junko!

**JUNKO ENOSHIMA RE-ENTERS THE THREE-WOMAN, ONE BEAR FORT**

> **JUNKO**  
>  Hey girlfriends! Lemme just squeeze in right here. Sorry if my dumb sister bored everyone to tears. Anyway, we're talking about murders n' stuff, right?

**JUNKO ENOSHIMA SLIDES BACK IN, HAVING FINISHED EATING HER BAG OF CHOCOLATES**

> **CHIAKI**  
>  That's right, I think...
> 
> **JUNKO**  
>  Oh! Speaking of murderers, my sister Mukuro told me to hand you this thumb drive and maybe speak to Chihiro about it in private once this is over. Maybe she's crushing on you and sent some naughty pics? Rrowr! Just kidding. Love you sis, mwah! Sorry if this isn't real, like, good TV.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  That's OK! People love getting to see the real you, so you don't always have to, like, keep up the celebrity act all the time, ya know? Anyway, back to the battles. What if it weren't a straight-up open fight to the death and instead we WERE doing murder mysteries, like in the murder mystery nights but for real?
> 
> **JUNKO**  
>  Oh, goodie! Unlike Mukuro I know alll about that.
> 
> **MONOSUKE**  
>  ...buuuut I think it's going to have to wait for part two.
> 
> **SAYAKA**  
>  Awww! What a shame. Oh well, it won't take too long for it to be done. I'm just going to let everyone know right now that we are absolutely going to spill the tea on some of our potential murderers... and potential victims! But not too much, because Sayaka Maizono never kisses and tells, wink at the camera one last time<3

* * *

_"Aaaaand cut. Great job ladies, really loving this stuff. I can't say anything more about it! It's spectacular, I know under my guidance we can all work together and make a buncha' cash, no matter what. I think I've said about all that I can say, if you catch my drift. Anyway, here's yer booze."_ Monosuke hands out a little shot glass to Junko Enoshima, Sayaka Maizono, and another Junko Enoshima with no tattoo. _"I'm off to go pester Monotaro. I've given youse about all that I can before I get in real trouble. So long, bear well!"_

There's whiskey in the shot glasses, but even if they're still in school what's the point of having no teachers around when you can't be at least a little naughty, right? That's the fun of being a teenager. If they weren't on important group business then Himiko and Sonia would be here too, but that would also be a little too suspicious. In a place like this you never know who might start asking questions.

_"UN POUR TOUS, TOUS POUR UN!"_

They toast, Chiaki pauses the game and they all embrace her in a fierce bear hug. There's tears all around. The dreams had started a few weeks ago, but Himiko had picked up on them first and given them all a head start on interpreting what was happening, as well as where the visions were coming from. Now everyone was starting to get affected, and none of the news was good for Chiaki Nanami. That didn't matter, because this time they weren't going to let that happen. Fuck all the other parallel universes. They will find a way to save Chiaki Nanami no matter what. _Both versions of her._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayaka understands how getting information out of Monokuma and The Monokubs works, and exactly how far you can push it.
> 
> Maki can dislocate her arms for an attack once, but only once. If she'd tried to attack Tenko's head then Tenko could have somehow broken her own neck and then snapped it back into place like Vamp in that one bit from Metal Gear Solid 4 because she's that fucking good. Tenko is insanely strong but we never get to see her go all out because when it comes down to it she's a sweet girl.
> 
>  **NEXT CHAPTER:** Speaking of which, hey Maki! You doin' OK over there? You're not looking too good, so maybe we'll hang out with the detectives or Kiyo or something instead, next time. I'll bet Kiyo has a lot to say about this place. Or Mahiru. There'll be some sort of mystery solving, anyway.


	5. Miu's Clues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actually, let's take a break from the "plot" stuff happening in the background and learn all about how Kaede Akamatsu hooked up with Miu Iruma. There's a lot of parts of this story that aren't super relevant but especially most of this chapter, so if you don't want Miu Iruma Introspection and Kaede being all lovey-dovey you can probably just skim it.
> 
>  _“She does have a filter! It’s just that the filter kind of makes everything sound a lot worse and more...vulgar.”_  
>  **Kaede Akamatsu** \- girlfriend of Miu Iruma
> 
>  _“See! Like I was fuckin’ sayin. She loves all her friends so much that she hooks up with me to get everyone’s sloppy seconds, but at least her fucking brain works and she understands what I’m going through, ya fucking candy cane dick!_  
>  **Miu Iruma** \- alleges "childlike innocence" before "basically marriage" to “sexual deviant” Kaede Akamatsu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content Warning: Kaede and Miu have s_x while we cut away. Miu's described as "has no clothes on" at one point but there's no details. However, Miu is notoriously _yappy_ and can't keep her mouth shut about this kind of thing for one second so you might hear her crudely imply details and make a bunch of awful puns, the fuckin' weirdo. Actually Miu's going to say a lot of _"Miu Words"_ in general. There may be some _implications_ but nothing as bad as Mikan's chapter.**

## Miu's Clues: Part 1

* * *

If you asked Kaede Akamatsu what her top ten wishes would be, stuff like the world not having ended, her twin sister being here with her and universal peace would easily top the list. Answers that were even a little selfish, like a sensible twenty million dollars and the world’s nicest piano would be around ninth or tenth place. “Girlfriend who can say all the swear words I can’t” probably wouldn’t even make the top fifty, but now that she had one she obviously wasn’t complaining about.

The first time Kaede Akamatsu met The Miu Iruma _("The Golden Girl Genius with The Good Looks & Golden Brain Who's Inventions are Going to Change the World & Make It A Better Place", thank you very much)_ she got called a _bitch_ , a _skank_ , a _moron_ , a _virgin_ , a _failure_ and was told that “Your pathetic tits are already sagging, just like your opportunities in life!”. Most peoples' first conversations with Miu start like this and also end like this for good, but Kaede was maybe the first one to keep coming back voluntarily even though she stood to gain no benefit from it. She tried to understand her and Miu would always, always remember that.

She never actually stopped talking about Kaede like that even after their relationship became permanent, but by that point Kaede thought it was kind of cute how she’d immediately back down as soon as you gave her any push back if she didn’t mean it and apologize. “Look, she’s doing the puppy dog eyes! That’s really cute, right? Look at her!” Miu always let Kaede poke her cheeks when she did this, as long as it wasn’t very hard.

The third time Kaede Akamatsu met Miu Iruma she found the inventor in her room wearing nothing but her underwear. She hadn’t come to class and Kaede was already the only one who was up to checking in on her. Miu was feeding her sheets in through her suitcase, which was making shredder noises and slowly printing out a new uniform (she later found out that this was because Miu only owned three outfits and had everything she physically owned in the world packed into that case). Having Kirumi to wash her clothes made life a lot easier for Miu, and for that the Ultimate Maid only got called a _masochist_ , _backstabber_ , sociopath, and a _flat-assed cleaning lady_. One of the first critical things they figured out as a group was that Miu just kind of spoke like that automatically unless she really, really tried not to. It mostly wasn't intentional. Mostly.

This was all before the world fell apart, of course, which Miu never really seemed that concerned about because she could probably fix it once the dust settled and everyone who didn’t die because they were a chump (like Mom) out there would probably be fine (like "Daddy dearest"). When everything got cut off and the school became their world it only seemed to exaggerate everyone’s abnormalities (good and bad), and when it came down to it Kaede's were simply that she was “nice”, stubborn and the fact that she had an absurd amount of faith. Not in the same way as her friend Angie, but a faith in humanity. She didn't believe in religion, but she was always so chipper that it didn't really make a difference (Angie was religious, but Angie was far less normal than Kaede and always being smiling and upbeat was very different from being _nice_ ).

Kaede Akamatsu always tried to see the best in people and work as hard as she could with all of her friends. She read self-help books and did self-affirmation exercises in front of the mirror each morning which she really, truly believed in. Kaede Akamatsu said “ _geeze_ ” a lot, wore sweater vests and was almost physically unable to say swear words, _even when she imagined herself saying them_. Her girlfriend, on the other hand, spoke almost entirely in vulgarity and sometimes acted like she was getting visibly aroused in the middle of what should have been a regular conversation. Kaede could sometimes cancel her out but not really.

Miu Iruma was always hard to ignore unless you were used to her and doing it very deliberately. She always moved in big, slightly exaggerated motions and bounced when she walked, not just in her chest but...everywhere. She always moved even when she wasn’t moving, constantly fidgeting, tinkering, touching or twirling herself in one way or another. She didn't seem to have an indoors voice and the voice she did have sounded kind of like a saxophone. When she leaned over she always gave whoever was in front of her a good peek and whenever she sat down she opened her legs wide like nobody had ever taught her to sit like a lady before (this turned out to be true). Aoi described her as acting like a cartoon character version of "sexy girl".  
  
Most people found her behavior obnoxious, rude and vulgar. Kaede was always the one who had to defend Miu, because she earnestly had faith in all of her classmates and knew that Miu "Has a lot of good things to offer everyone once she became more...socially acclimated!" And it worked and she was getting better. Some students didn’t (no comment), but Miu was one of the good ones! Mostly, anyway. She had friends now! It was hard to get a straight story about Miu’s life before she arrived at Hope’s Peak (far from unique) but it was clear from what contradictory snippets people put together that... a lot of stuff had come together to make her "like this".  
  
Likewise, when all of _Kaede’s_ bad habits came to a head and her classmates turned against her Miu was the only one to stand in her defense. After the moment had gone, of course, but she appreciated the sentiment.

* * *

_Miu once told Kaede she could count the number of real people she even slightly gave a shit about on one hand and somehow implied that the hand was sticky. "Me, my dad and you in that order, then in no particular order after that it's Soda jerk-off, Keebles, the nurse, the caveman...". She'd prepared that joke months ago. It was one of the only things she brought to Hope's Peak (because it was a "good gag") and never imagined the robot hand she made for it would need more than seven fingers. Kaede had never, ever seen her look so innocent and happy. Like an overgrown kid._

* * *

Kaede was technically still her class’s representative, and even though school was probably over for good and more like just a bunker where they all lived she still thought they should follow procedure and act like it was a regular school day, at least for an hour or so each morning! Kaede needed to do things like that to keep her morale high and sometimes just forged ahead with things without considering how everyone else actually felt. Nobody else really agreed, but she managed to badger them into it for three weeks before things boiled to a head and she just...snapped. Kaede’s niceness had limits, but not her stubbornness. She locked the doors to the classroom and then they started yelling at her. In retrospect she was definitely in the wrong, but it didn’t seem like it at the time and the worst part is nobody stood up, defended her or tried to mediate things like she knew she would have done for them. Shuichi didn’t even make eye contact with her and that just broke her heart.

She unlocked the door and ran away because she just couldn’t f___ing deal with it any more. Twenty minutes later she worked up the courage to walk back and apologize to anyone who was still there (they wouldn’t be. You are so f___ing stupid, Kaede) when she heard a yelling noise coming from the classroom. Some kind of a racket, anyway. Was someone fighting? She wasn’t Ibuki, but being the Ultimate Pianist meant she still had far better hearing than the average person. What...was that?

#### “...YOU CUMRAGS SHOULD ALL BE SO FUCKING ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES FOR MAKING HER CRY LIKE THAT YOU USELESS MOTHERFUCKERS ESPECIALLY _YOU_ KIRUMI OF ALL PEOPLE YOU _BACKSTABBING CUNT_ YOU DESERVE TO EAT SHIT INSTEAD OF JUST WIPING IT UP EVERY DAY, HEY, WOULD YOU DO THAT IF I TOLD YOU? TO AND NO, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF SHE _WAS_ IN THE WRONG SAIHARA YOU _PUSSY_ DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LOGIC YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE WITH YOUR _DETECTIVE BULLSHIT_!?! AT LEAST LITTLE ORPHAN NANNY HERE’S JUST BEING SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO SHUT UP, STARE AT ME LIKE A FUCKING CREEP AND TAKE HER SPANKING LIKE A GOOD GIRL, YOU SACK...”

  
It turned out Miu Iruma did have an indoors voice after all, and now she wasn’t using it. Kaede’s natural instinct was to step in, apologize to everyone and mediate this dispute because _Miu shouldn’t say stuff like that to everyone else_. But, on the other hand, wasn’t it her always feeling the need to mediate everything that got her here in the first place? I _t might be best to just head back to my room and let this play out on my own. After listening in for a little more, to make sure she doesn't say anything worse, of course._  
  


#### ...IT DOESN’T _MATTER_ WHAT I DID, BECAUSE IF _I_ WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO STOOD UP FOR HER AND OPENED MY MOUTH FOR HER LIKE I BET SAYAKA DOES WITH THE BASEBALL FUCKER THEN KOKICHI WOULD JUST MANIPULATE THE SITUATION AND GASLIGHT EVERYONE TO MAKE _HER_ LOOK WORSE BY ASSOCIATION WITH _ME_ , THE LITTLE FUCKING SOCIOPATH, BECAUSE _I’VE_ ALWAYS GOTTA BE THE BAD GUY, BUT GUESS WHAT? NOW THAT SHE’S GONE _RUN OFF IN TEARS_ AND LEFT ME ALL ALONE I DON’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO RUB N’ TUG DOWN TO MY FUCKING LEVEL. AND YEAH, I _DO_ FEEL LIKE I’M A FUCKING _PERIOD SHIT_ EVERY GODDAMN DAY OF MY LIFE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? _Y’ALL SHOULD TOO_ RIGHT NOW AND AT LEAST _I’M_ THE ONLY BITCH HERE HONEST ENOUGH TO ADMIT…”

 _There probably wasn’t any need to intervene._ She went back to her room to cry some more, but felt better about it. _It felt good to be just a teensy bit selfish and take her hands off things that weren’t the piano for once in her life._

She later found out that Miu had passed out _(dehydration from “yelling too much”)_ and had to visit Mikan in the nurse’s clinic. When she visited to check up on her (like she would do for any other classmate) The first thing Miu said she is that should stop it with the fucking school uniform already and find something flattering for once in her life, _"dog nips"_. Get the boring seamstress to do it. “I heard you stood up for me in class today?”  
  
Miu pouted. “Yeah. Didja hear about any of the things I said?” Kaede shook her head. _It was OK to lie sometimes, in situations like these._  
  
“Do you want to come back to my room to talk about it, Miu?”

“Fine. _Mikan_ doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, anyway.” The nurse pointedly ignored her.

* * *

_Tenko Chabashira was actually the first one to put most of the pieces together, but this isn’t Tenko’s story and she mostly kept quiet. It was 100% the right thing to do._

* * *

“So...why didn’t you want to say anything about it when I was there?” Kaede lay down horizontally across her bed, looking up at the ceiling. She could feel Miu squirreled away in the corner, against the headrest. Kaede didn’t say it in an accusatory manner, but she still wanted to know what was up.  
  
“One, because I’m a coward and I’ll fully admit it and own up to it, like I always have. Two, because I’m bad at arguing and when I do confront people about stuff that’s not, like, inventions I always fuck it up and make things worse for my own point. Three, because I _agreed_ with them, you _were_ in the wrong.”

“Wait, if you agreed with them then why’d you get angry?”

"Look, you were acting unreasonable, but that’s not the point. It’s because they were acting like assholes about it too! You can’t just... look, it’s because you were always the only one who defended me when I’m acting, like, like me, so I figured someone had to do it instead of letting things get worse. You were the only one who’s always been nice to me even when I had it coming and seeing nobody do the same for you just rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it when you were there but you know I’m bad at, like, confrontations and getting into logical arguments and stuff. When I do that I stop being so fucking smart because my brain doesn’t work that way and I’d probably just back down instantly and make everything even worse.”  
  
“But why's that?”

“Because I still agreed with them, dumbass! Like, I’m fucking bad at coming up with counter-arguments for something I already believe in. I dunno, like, this doesn’t really have anything to do with what you’re saying but this argument stuff just fucking bothers me, you know? Like everything has to be a rigorous debate. Kaito's an idiot too but we all are and at least he fucking gets that. It just frustrates me, you know? Do you mind if I get something off on my chest?”   
  
_It's rare to see Miu actually get... introspective._ She felt Miu fidget around with something behind her, like she always did. Even if Kaede didn’t care so much about her friend this would still be a useful opportunity to get an insight into the inventor’s thought process. But she did care, so she listened on an emotional level too, of course. “Go ahead.”   
  
“Look, I get that I’m a coward and, as I said, I’ll fully admit that. But what I don’t see is why it’s not considered a good thing that I about face and apologize whenever I fuck up! My daddy always said that you should own up and apologize when you know you’re in the wrong, and that makes sense, but whenever I say something stupid and someone calls me out on it it’s like I’m a pussy who should’ve just doubled down instead whenever I apologize? I’ll even ask what it is they think I did wrong and what I should do to not get them so pissed off next time and then they look at me like it’s even more of my fucking problem? I just...I don’t get it, ya know? It feels like everyone hates me either way and I can’t ever win.”  
  
 _After the earlier confrontation Kaede could sympathise. She always got along with people fairly naturally, so maybe how she felt right now was how Miu felt all the time? That was concerning. She started at the ceiling. Maybe Miu knew how to get out of feeling like this._ “So...what do I do now?”  
  
“Oh? For you that’s fucking easy. In the short term what I’d do is jerk off, cry and eat some more fucking chocolate if you want to keep acting so on the rag about it because you're clearly not on a fucking diet.” _Ah. Miu will be Miu._ “In the medium term I’d just leave it for a couple of days, send a telegram via Miss Watersports letting everyone know you’re sorry and hang out with fucking, I dunno, the e-thot or something. She tolerates me so she’s probably fine with you.” _Miss Watersports is...Oh, she means Aoi._ She felt Miu stretch her legs out a little behind her and hears her crack her knuckles, but Kaede just keeps staring at the ceiling. It’s easier to to comprehend what Miu's trying say when you don’t look at whatever she’s doing while she says it.  
  
“Look, I know you probably don’t actually want my advice but in the long term I’d just fuckin’ forget about the whole school thing 'cause you want to live out all your schoolgirl fantasies." _MIU_. "It’s over! We might be the last kids on earth so you might as well take advantage of it to do whatever you want to do, for yourself. What you have to learn to do is be fuckin’ selfish. I mean... you’re kind of already selfish in a total loser’s _"I've gotta be the responsible good girl and lead everyone and sacrifice myself”_ kind of way. What I mean is you gotta be selfish for you and stop trying to _act_ like you're so good and honest and already doing the right thing when everyone knows you're already like that in the first place. Be the other kind of honest and maybe try to _lie_ some time. I’ll show you how. Anyway, that's all I've fucking got”

 _Oh, like when I pretended not to hear when she was yelling. Huh. That was actually...insightful?_ “Oh! That might actually be...pretty good. Thank you.”  
  
“Ha! Don’t fucking thank me, I haven’t done shit except you bad fucking advice from someone who fucks up her life every day. You got some kind of a crush on me? You wanna fuckin’ make out with me now?”  
  
“...yes, please. I would actually like that, Miu.” _NO, that was where she was trying to say that you should have been dishonest, kept it in and not acted like Miu. It was a trick, no no no, maybe I could play it off as.._ Kaede could feel her face turning a hot pink.  
  
“Ha! That’s fuckin’ funny. Nice try. Do you want me to call you Kaed-g-g-” It was like a gear stuck in her head where they both knew the word “Kaed-gay” should have been and ground to a halt. _F____ing Miu._ Kaede felt the anger boil up inside her all over again as she turned around, having been MANIPULATED into admitting that she wanted to make out with Miu out loud and -she's not wearing anything. _Miu has no clothes on. When did she do that? Oh my god Miu yes_  
  
Kaede pulled out her hair clips and- ”HEY, HOLD THE FUCKIN' PHONE! You ever even fuckin’ kissed before, idiot?” Kaede was forced to admit that there had been two girls and one boy. No tongue. “Fuck's sake! Strap in, virgin, you’re learning to swim by jumping in at the deep end... and my ends stretch DEEP.” _Kaede Akamatsu would rather describe what happened next as jumping from C8 to A0. It's a joke about the piano!_

* * *

_"Forget the past! If you can't remember it then it probably wasn't important, and if it was something you learned then just fucking learn it from scratch again and it'll probably sink in after three or four times. Looking at the past is wasted time when you could be looking at the future, what you're going to eat for lunch and what you're going to create next."_

* * *

_**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!** _

“…Kaede? Are you in there? We wanted to talk with you.” Aww, geeze, it was Tenko at the door.

She was about to respond when Miu shushed her, whispering. _“Psst...watch this. Lemme show you how to be properly selfish like an actual genius. I still have have this voice changer on me I made for Ibuki, lemme just switch it to the Kaede setting. Learn from the fucking expert.”_

"..."

 **[** “G-go away, Tenko! I’m sorry, but I *sniff* don’t want to talk with anyone right now…” **]**

It was pretty uncanny. Kaede was forced to admit that the voice did sound exactly like her, sobbing in the corner because she thought everyone hated her.

“See, this way you get to have more kinky alone time with your smokin’ hot girlfriend and you get extra sympathy points while everyone else cools down and forgets why they got angry with you in the first place. Speaking of which, we need to have another shower, because-”

_**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!** _

“...Kaede?” It was Tenko again. “Ibuki’s also here to talk and she says she can hear everything. Do you have Miu in there with the voice changer? She wants to borrow it.”  
  
“...”

#### “...GODDAMN USELESS PIECE OF SHIT GADGET I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-”

When Kaede woke up she found Miu already wearing her clothes, eating cereal on her floor. It was time to ask the question. “So, does this mean we’re ...girlfriends?”

“Of course it does, dipshit! Everyone’s probably already heard and the fuckin maid’s gonna clean up all those sheets later.” _Oh! That’s good...kind of._ “You aren’t...seeing anyone else right now, are you?” Kaede was just trying to be thorough. _She trusted Miu, but the way she spoke about everything meant that she had to do her due diligence just in case-_

"'Fucking 'course it does, flappy and/or flabby bird! Keep in mind, I’ve seen _both_ now. You worried I'm gonna cheat on you with fucking Keebo or something? Look, since I've been here there was a thing with Kokichi a couple of times that I really don’t wanna fuckin’ talk about because you and I both know what a fucking _shithead_ he is. I sucked off the biker guy once and he came after a fucking minute, had an on-and-off thing with...y’know, what’s her name. The guitar girl. But that’s besides the point!"

Kaede just stood there with her mouth open. There wasn’t really much she could say in response now that Miu was on a roll. Might as well let her get this over and done with.  
  
"The only guys I actually hang out with all day are the robot, Soda, Shuichi and A CAVEMAN. Keebo doesn’t even have a dick and Soda and me completely fucking cancel each other out! You’re the third hottest free slice of tang here after me and, y'know, uhh, this one always gets me because she's so fucking forgettable....Mukuro when she’s dressing up like her idiot bimbo sister and acting weird! Look, just because I make dirty jokes that everyone finds hilarious doesn’t mean I’ve actually been successful in getting it and fuck you if you think otherwise! Maybe I’ll settle down and become boring like you if you’re able to satisfy my pussy’s appetite? Who knows! God, how hard is this to fucking understand?! Slap me in the face for being too honest about everything and call me a cumdumpster if you want, but you know what? _This_ cumdumpster’s all yours, baby!”

She winked, the finger guns came out and that settled that issue forever.

* * *

 **REPORT CARD: MIU IRUMA**  
 **Birthday:** _November 16th_  
 **Gender:** _Only woman you'll ever need_  
 **Height** : _3 inches taller than Kaede_  
 **Chest:** _4 inches more than Kaede_  
 **Weight:** _This one's better too._

* * *

Sharing a bed with Miu Iruma was never quiet, but not even in the sweaty way. Mostly. Miu usually just...passed out at her desk, only for Kaede to wake her up and escort her to the sheets. Miu didn't like sleeping, but passing out was different to her because that meant you’d gotten there by working as hard as you can, and sleeping with Kaede was different because doing someone meant you were doing something, even if you weren’t actually doing it. She snored sometimes, but mostly she just shuddered, murmured about things only she could dream about. Miu had a lot of nightmares. Miu’s room was also kind of a nightmare, but only in that it somehow got disorganised on a daily basis even though Kirumi constantly cleaned it.  
  
The first time the two had met Miu had proudly mentioned making inventions that’d help you read while you sleep, type while you sleep and even eat while you sleep. This was apparently her great passion as an inventor, but when Kaede asked to see them Miu was sadly unable to demonstrate them. “Look, this is a bit of a sore spot but I don’t actually have the latest versions of most of the, uh, sleep stuff on me right now. I...I didn’t have a lot of money when I got invited here and I didn’t want to go to the bank because they were angry at me about this whole ATM thing ( _not my fault, by the way_ ) and now they have all my money. So I had to disassemble most of my good stuff and sell the parts for the plane ticket and stuff. Really didn't want to take the train.” She looked genuinely sad about that in a kind of wistful way.  
  
“Those were the first inventions I ever came up with, ya know? I got taken advantage of back when I was living in the hospital. Not in the sexy way, I mean, but the first few designs all got stolen from me and it makes me kind of pissed off to think about, but whatever. The guy took 'em, resigned from the place and bailed before I found out. Look, the new and improved versions aren’t going to be done for a while and somebody wasn't happy with em, so I’m just gonna keep tweaking with 'em on the backburner when i have some spare time. Oh! I do have this, though.” Miu reached under her mattress to reveal a folded up scrap of paper. “Look, it’s the transcript from the first time I tried the first sleep typing prototype! It’s not accurate, but it showed that there were brain signals going through my head! And they were even making words n’ stuff.”

* * *

**fucked up kid. big bag of chips. wheres mom. miu iruma thats you. failure. i rock. cartoons are cool. paper isnt unbreakable. just make em laugh. miu iruma. dads right but only when he is. dont be lazy. theyre gonna run a train on you. lump massager. everybody hates miu. never stop running. fuck the tube. gotta always say sorry. invent things to make it worse actually. sex drugs rock n roll forever. naughty nurse. gorgeous girl. wake up miu. always be honest unless you have to lie i guess. live each day to your fullest. bitch. gut health is important. fuck off. outta sight outta mind...**

* * *

“Yeah, at first I thought it was all symbolic n’ shit so I brought it here with me but then I went to Toko and she said it _wasn’t_ symbolic and it didn't mean anything. So it’s basically just garbage and I’m gonna move on! That’s about as much earnest conversation as I can handle on that topic for now instead of making jokes about sex.” Miu just chucked it in the trash and forgot about it forever, because she figured there was no point dwelling on it and she did that with a lot of more important things. Kaede dwelled on it.

It’d been a good two months since she’d let everything go and Kaede suddenly found herself without a goal other than “improve piano skills”. Everything else was either completely out of her hands or...done. Kaede Akamatsu was always big on setting goals, targets and things to work toward. Given the situation (apocalyptic), this was the best thing to do to keep one’s head up and forget about all the bad stuff going on. _That’s why Miu was so good for her! Kaede Akamatsu always needs a problem to work on and something to fuss over. Nobody’s got more problems to solve and better at making a fuss than Miu._  
  
She needed a goal and Miu was that goal, even if she was already Kaede’s girlfriend. That was besides the point, because what Kaede wanted to do was fully _understand_ Miu. As much as any one person can, anyway. What happened to make her like this, how does her brain function, and how can her girlfriend(!) Kaede Akamatsu help? Also, why does she always sit like that. Even if she didn’t end up perfecting her Miu Iruma project (Miu Iruma is almost entirely made up of flaws) the journey might be its own reward and fixing those flaws is rewarding every time, right?  
  
She made a mental list and planned to turn it into an actual list the next morning, because she likes to be organised and still had a lot of good stationary that _probably_ wasn't going to go to use now that there wasn't any schoolwork. _Who knows Miu Iruma? Let’s see here…_  
 **  
  
PEOPLE WHO MIGHT HAVE MIU INSIGHTS :**  
 **Kazuichi** _\- second BFF apart from me_  
 **Mikan** _\- Only pre-Hope’s Peak friend (?)_  
 **Keebo** _\- Robot (Maybe also the bears?)_  
 **Toko** - _I have seen them yell at each other._  
 **Shuichi** _-Detectives know all about psychology!_  
 **Miu** - _Wait, can’t I just ask her?_  
  
 _It might be a long shot, but I'll give it everything I've got! Fully comprehending Miu Iruma is now officially Kaede Akamatsu’s new quest. It’s time to collect some of MIU'S CLUES and learn to love my girlfriend even more even when she doesn’t wash her teeth. It might get dark, but helping out people through tough times and possibly even traumatic memories is WHAT YOU DO, KAEDE AKAMATSU! Sometimes by playing the piano just for her._

* * *

Miu Iruma feels that gross idiot Kaede fucking drool on her shoulder when she’s falling asleep and she’s glad for it. Even in the dream she always kind of remembers Kaede. If Kaede's real then the dream is less scary. There's nightmares within the dream, but _it's the dream that's scary_ because the first time she had it she was eleven years old and when she woke up she wasn't eleven any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER: Vengeful, evil ghosts from other timelines are making everyone want to kill each other. There's nobody else who can stop this but the Shinguji/Saionji dream team of Ghostbusters. An argument over who's *actually* the ultimate detective leads to TAFKA Genocide Jack causing all kinds of mischief. Peko Pekoyama takes art lessons from Hifumi.


	6. [X] HOPE'S PEAK HANDBOOK CHAT (2)]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Monokuma is just handing out pills now. Miu is on her best behaviour.
> 
> The nightmares have been getting worse, trying to get everyone to start the killing game. It's probably evil demons or something, but that's not important. They discuss this on Hope's Peak's internal chat program.
> 
>  **R. HOSHI:** I can tell who in here doesn't have a girlfriend.  
>  **G. GOKUHARA:** All girls are Gonta's friends.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no concerning content in this one, I think. That's tomorrow, where we dig into Korekiyo. The guys discuss boobs in the guys only chat room.
> 
> The Ultimate Imposter participates and can be sighted in every single chapter. Can YOU spot the clues?

# HOPE'S PEAK HANDBOOK CHAT

**VOTING TIME: What do _you_ miss the most about the outside world? The most popular suggestion wins ** _**10**_ ** _Monocoins,_ a Monotaro hat and a _special surprise_!**

**  
1st: My friends and family, knowing they're alive - Mahiru **   
2nd: All of the answers below this one! If the winning suggestion is the prize and a majority of us vote this first place then everybody wins - Makoto  
3rd: Sunlight, the wind on my face, the ocean, my little brother, an even bigger pool, knowing everything's OK... - Aoi  
4th: Cool bikes n' shit! - Mondo  
5th: Sparring with Coach Nekomaru - Akane   


**Do you have time for a motive video? This week's motive:** _"LET'S ALL GET ALONG - Robots & Humans Towards a Better Future! by K1-B0"_

###  **> COMMENTS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS:**

  
**[PINNED] C. FUJISAKI (ADMIN):** The mods and I really can't do anything about whatever's making us all paranoid and angry. I'm really sorry, but it's just _not_ an issue with the computer system as far as I can tell. You can't just keep blaming **ALTER EGO (BOT)** and the new 7G radiation **K. SODA** invented for all of your problems. I've opened a special chat for us to discuss this issue further. I understand **B. TOGAMI** , **K. KIRIGIRI** and **S. NEVERMIND** are also arranging a council for us to figure this one out.  
 **Murder Mystery Night 5** has been indefinitely delayed due to the current atmosphere. We don't think hosting an elaborate fake killing game is a sensible idea to reduce tensions at this current moment. We apologize for the disappointment, but **[** ** _you have this user muted]_** says she's _"Just going to spend this time tweaking the scenario and making it even more complex to show the so-called Ultimate Detective and Former Ultimate Detective what an unsolvable mystery actually looks like, because nobody wants to hang out with Toko and you all think I'm ugly like an evil hag that you probably want to burn at the stake"_  
Also, **THE MIU-BLIETTE (formerly BYAKUYA's BANLIST** **)** has been renamed to **MONOKID'S MONODUNGEON.  
** Thank you for understanding. Feel free to comment, as we feel that a fair discussion is always necessary.

  
 **C. NANAMl:** Thanks for all the hard work, Chihiro. I know you guys are working really hard to do your best and I really appreciate it.  
 **H. YAMADA (MOD):** You're very welcome! **  
** **S. NEVERMIND:** All are welcome at this conference! I know these dreams and visions do not affect all of us equally, but nevertheless we must work together to prevent further incidents like the one that already happened.  
 **K. KIRIGIRI:** I would highly encourage everyone to participate in this council. Monokuma says he has agreed to work with us for the time being and we think the question of how to handle this situation is best decided with as many people as possible having a say. We are perhaps all that is left of humanity, so it's really important that we stay alive and abide by principles of helping one another.  
 **M. OWADA:** Didn't read any of that but I agree.

###  **> GENERAL DISCUSSION:  
**

**M. TSUMIKI:** I'M SORRY!  
 **K. ISHIMARU (MOD):** Nekomaru! I do not believe that comment was appropriate. This is your first warning. Hiyoko, this is your second warning.   
**K. AKAMATSU:** aghbnssfdshj hhlka hasdj kf  
 **M. KOIZUMI:** Were all of you raised in a men's locker room?  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** Mikan, you do not have to answer Mahiru's question.  
 **G. GOKUHARA:** When you type like that it is not good. **  
****K. AKAMATSU:** I dropped my handbook, Gonta! I don't type like that. Miu also I know you are reading this please do also not answer Mahiru's question.  
 **M. IRUMA:** why?? i didnt say anything yet. im sorry.  
 **L. KUWATA:** seriously how the fuck is gonta so good at being online  
 **N. KOMAEDA:** Gonta is very talented at a lot of things. **  
** **M. IRUMA:** **[ _Message has been hidden by default. Click to unhide.]  
_ R. HOSHI:** That was unexpected. ** _  
_A. ASAHINA:** I think that means she's feeling...sad?  
 **T.SHIROGANE:** Maybe Gonta spent a lot of time with the "net" looking for "bugs" :)  
 **K. B0:** Kaede, could you please check to see if Miu is having a stroke? **  
** **G. GOKUHARA:** No.

###  **> NIGHTMARE ISSUE DISCUSSION**

**MONOKUMA:** No, no, no! There is no killing game occurring as of yet. I don't know why you guys find it so hard to trust me, honestly.  
 **S. SAIHARA:** You gave us pills labeled "KILLING GAME PILLS"! We assumed it was some kind of sick motive to kill. **  
** **MONOPHANIE:** Actually, those pills daddy gave you were meant to make you less likely to kill each other and help with all of this **  
K.B0:** I find it interesting that you have trouble trusting Monokuma, Shuichi, given that he has been nothing but helpful to us so far. Far be it from me to accuse you of discriminatory attitudes, but it does make me wonder [the expression of thinking] **  
K. KIRIGIRI:** Perhaps the fact that we're all naturally inclined to be suspicious and fearful of Monokuma holds part of an answer to the mysteries of this academy.  
 **B. TOGAMI:** Hmph. I actually have to agree with the detective for once. **  
K. KIRIGIRI:** Thank you, Byakuya. **  
B. TOGAMI:** Don't get used to it.  
 **MONOKUMA:** I never kiss and tell with answers, unless it's one of my cute cubs! **  
** **I. MIODA:** Mikan says it's not the rash, and if it is then it's fine because I don't have it any more!!  
 **T. SHIROGANE:** She's right, it's not Cospox. Maybe...it's supernatural?  
 **A. YONAGA:** hmm, i wouldnt go so far as to call it supernatural (it's natural that spirits would exist, after all), but in a broad sense i agree! thank you tsumugi for being brave enough to stand up and say what nobody else did :)   
**S. MAIZONO:** "never kiss and tell" is my slogan, Monokuma ;3 Monosuke will be contacting you regarding your use of it shortly <3  
 **H. SAIONJI:** A) Why are we trusting Mikan??? Doesn't anyone else think her spending all night with Junko's body is creepy? B) Did anyone else see what Tsumugi just said?  
 **K. SODA:** Why are you guys so quick to jump to a magical solution? I'm pretty sure Monotaro said there are zombies outside, the Earth's been destroyed, there was a crazy plague before it was, this school's got a bunch of deadly mysteries and I'm still trying to unlock new areas at the quarter of the rate I should because half the building materials they used contain toxic chemicals that make everyone hallucinate on contact if I don't re-coat the entire area! Magic isn't real and I really need some help with construction from people who aren't Miu, Nekomaru, Akane or THE FREAKING MONOKUBS!  
 **R. AMAMI:** Could I have a look at these toxic chemicals? Hiro and I have a theory that we need to test alone.  
 **K. MOMOTA:** IT'S. NOT. GHOSTS.

###  **> ONE GIRL ALLOWED:**

**  
F. KUZURYU** I don't want to talk about Peko.  
 **C. NANAMI (OFFICIAL "ONE OF THE GUYS"):** Sakura's are largest, but the answer you're looking for is Aoi. **[EDIT] [DELETE]  
 **L. KUWATA:**** whys that even on the report card **  
H. YAMADA (MOD):** Thank you, Chiaki!  
 **R. HOSHI:** Why do you care, Hifumi? Whatever happened to 2D.  
 **K. MOMOTA:** imagine if they had our dick sizes on the report card lol  
 **S. SAIHARA:** Mikan said it was there for medical purposes.  
 **Y. HAGAKURE:** lol  
 **H. YAMADA:** You're only measuring along one plane, so when you think about it it could even be considered one dimension. **  
** **R. HOSHI:** My apologies Hifumi. Objection withdrawn.  
 **H. HINATA:** Wait, does Mikan have that information too?  
 **F. KUZURYU:** Imagine being officially the biggest fucking dick in hopes peak lol  
 **N. KOMAEDA:** I believe she does. Of course, *I* believe Mikan would never disclose anything without our permission.  
 **MONOSUKE:** Gonta, Miu or Kokichi, dependin' on how pops defines it.  
 **K. SODA:** Fuck Kokichi.  
 **K. MOMOTA:** Don't even talk about him.  
 **M. OWADA:** Would anyone actually object if I just, like, mildly pummeled him a lot?  
 **S. SAIHARA:** Just leave him alone and give him distance.  
 **H. HINATA:** That's not a "no".  
 **Y. HAGAKURE:** Remember when Maki picked him up and choked him one handed?  
 **C. NANAMI (OFFICIAL "ONE OF THE GUYS"):** Like The Undertaker? **[EDIT] [DELETE]**  
 **F. KUZURYU:** THE UNDERTAKER  
 **H. YAMADA:** If "Jushin Thunder Liger" were here I'm sure he could save us  
 **R. AMAMI:** Do you think The Undertaker could beat Sakura?  
 **M. NAEGI:** Rantaro, did we manage to pirate any wrestling before the real internet ended?  
 ** **L. KUWATA:**** remember great gozu  
 **F. KUZURYU:** Shit. We should have asked him about wrestling lol

###  **> MOST GIRLS ALLOWED:  
**

**S. OGAMI:** I will do my best to protect everyone. Akane, i saw your poll response. Is Coach Nekomaru OK?  
 **A. OWARI:** Y, Y ? I'm heading out to spar with him in five minutes.  
 **S. OGAMI:** Never mind.  
 **S. NEVERMIND:** Mukuro, I do not mean to intrude on your personal life, but why do you keep dressing up like that? It is mildly concerning.  
 **M. IKUSABA:** I miss my sister a lot.  
 **H. YUMENO:** Does anybody know where Tsumugi is?  
 **H. YUMENO:** I had a dream where it said she knows where a book is **  
** **T. CHABASHIRA:** Could someone please pass on a message to Kirumi to pass on to Maki for me?  
 **T. SHIROGANE:** I'm in the same room as you!!  
 **C. LUDENBERG:** Tenko, why not just talk to her yourself?  
 **I. MIODA:** Imagine if Junko just came back from the dead one day! She's pop up, like, "Blaaaaargh"!  
 **H. YUMENO:** and I want hte book.  
 **C. NANAMI:** Junko isn't dead. She is in a coma and Mikan is taking care of her. I don't think we should be talking about people dying. **[EDIT] [DELETE]**  
 **A. ASAHINA:** Like The Undertaker? Oh man! Sakura, do you think you could beat The Undertaker?

* * *

 **M. IRUMA: [ _Message has been hidden by default. Click to unhide.]_ <=  
**im not even being mean to people and this still happens! it was a good one that was very subtly worded in a way that expresses my all-natural baby (probably i am not sure as you are well aware) talent in this very delicate area and i just want to make everyone laugh and brighten this gloomy place up with some funny jokes that are perhaps slightly risque because i am nothing more than a blue collar working girl and i am sorry for trying to do something nice for everyone without getting on my knees, kissing everyones feet and asking for permission first. maybe you could all do with removing whatever stick up the- (well, you know, i am apparently dealing with a sensitive and soft audience ;3) you have got in there and loosening your collars (re: unbuttoning your shirt collar, instead of another angle i could also have taken with that i just want you to know), because i'll show you mine (jokes) if you show me yours. kaede i am very sorry i am trying to do better but i am still clicking the enter button on this message because i am also very honest and i feel strong and hard etc. about this. i will take whatever punishment the mods decide to paddle me with because i am- anyway, you get the picture. i'm going to stop here because my fingers are starting to wrinkle and i am being frowned and also pouted at already. this is miu iruma signing off and now i am going to cry because even a genius has feelings PS: you will note i did NOT even insult anyone OR use any rude words this time so there. i guess i showed you all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NEXT CHAPTER:** Korekiyo's sister is talking to him when he's awake, now. He makes his plans. The countdown to the Caged Child Seance commences. Let's take a peek into peoples' dreams, shall we? Part one of the first two-parter where we actually get both parts in sequence. Someone's going to get a scythe in the neck very, very shortly.
> 
> _Miu's Post is probably the closest we're going to get to seeing what a Miu Iruma POV Highlights (18+) story would read like for at least a little bit. She doesn't even say any swear words because she's simultaneously being on her best behaviour to impress Kaede and having a bit of a sook._
> 
> _I'm kind of working backwards from the punchline here and was just spitballing when I started, but I'm pretty sure I know where this whole thing's headed tone/direction wise now. I'm going to edit stuff over the next couple of chapters so it's more consistent and drop a couple of little bits that aren't necessary._


	7. Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The academy's plagued by horrifying dreams and visions, emanating from outside. Nobody knows how to stop them, and whatever's sending them wants them to start killing one another. Probably starting with Chiaki. Soon. Paranoia is setting in, people are sleepwalking with weapons in hand and someone's going to get murdered sooner or later. Hello, Kiyo.
> 
> Korekiyo Shinguji sees vision of a sister he never had, telling him to do horrible things he would never have even considered. He remembers the Caged Child seance. He remembers the trick with the floorboards. He remembers murdering Tenko. Nobody else does. If a blood sacrifice is needed then he exactly knows what he has to do and how to do it properly, this time. No mistakes. The sickle is raised. Our first successful kill draws closer.
> 
> At this point there are two characters in this story who I'd describe as unambiguously evil. Let's meet both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warning: There's a bit of unpleasant content in this one. It's mostly just alluded to, but look at the warnings up above. We get to briefly see Kaede's execution from her perspective. There's also some gaslighting type stuff which I've really toned down from the original draft of this chapter, but you'll get the picture. They're not a good person. ******

# Dream a Little Dream of Me

* * *

 **Himiko Yumeno** _always dreams everything but the important details which would let her stop anything._ She actually started having the nightmares weeks before it all started, but they all just assumed she was going through some "Himiko things" because she was always a bit of an odd duck and could someone give Himiko a hug, please? There's kind of, like, the threat of nuclear war happening outside and we only have another week left before they're going to quarantine us in here at Hope's Peak. Seriously.

  
Then the world ended and the dreams started spreading to others, which everyone just sort of played off as normal. They were living in a labyrinth-like bunker school and might quite possibly be the last people alive on Earth, so it was natural that there’d be some psychological residue. Really, it's a miracle that were all doing as well as they were (apart from the ones who weren't). Not everyone got hit to the same extent, but even the ones who didn’t remember what they dreamed kept waking up with a vague sense of unease. Then the dreams started repeating for people and the details became more and more explicit.

* * *

> **_Korekiyo Shinguji used to dream of the seesaw on the playground, but now he dreams of a sister he never had making him kill for her. It viscerally disgusts him. He would never. He would NEVER. He is a man of peace, of beauty and philosophy. He is the Ultimate Anthropologist, not some common serial killer._ **

* * *

**Makoto Naegi** _dreams he's telling himself not to give up hope, but the self he's telling it to is an empty facsimile with no light left shining behind it's eyes. All he can do is blandly recycle empty platitudes which he still believes in even though it makes zero logical sense._

 **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu** _dreams about Peko killing because he told her to, but when she turns back to look at him the Peko that's doing it is the funny, awkward girl he remembers from before his family did this to her. She's smiling._

 **Mahiru Koizumi** _dreams that she's looking at the world through her camera , but suddenly there's blood on the lens and she can't wipe it off and she can't put the camera down and she can't move. All she can do is watch, a powerless observer._

* * *

Korekiyo and Chiaki Nanami may have had the worst of it. Chiaki dreams of her death (it's ever so drawn out) and Mukuro does too. Sonia Nevermind dreams of seeing Chiaki's death twice. Kazuichi approaches Sonia, but he's much more sedate these days and the only confession he's come to make to her is that he's been dreaming about Chiaki as well. Fuck. Sonia decides not to mention the other Chiaki is here as well, because the less people who know about her existence the safer she is.

Chiaki doesn't spend much time alone any more. Nobody asks why, but there's an unspoken understanding that she should be checked in on every few hours and Sonia stays her roommate even when enough rooms are given the all-clear for everyone to sleep alone. She can just tune out, play video games with her sister and not think about how scared she is. Kirumi's cleaning her room which is, as The Ultimate Gamer, absolutely disgusting across her entire side no matter how many times Kirumi cleans it. It just becomes like that. She picks up _another_ sock and when she sees Chiaki get up to wash her face in the sink she reflects on how - _"Wouldn't it make this job so much easier if you just plunged her face in there for a minute or two? You wouldn't even need to kill her, just teach the anemic little brat to take care of herself for once and even if she does croak you can just frame the Princess by-"_ Kirumi suddenly realises what she's thinking about and retains her composure. She must excuse herself.

When she arrives at Shuichi's lab she informs the Ultimate Detective, Former Ultimate Detective, Mahiru and Kiyo about what just happened, so now that they all know then it'll be harder for her to get away with it if she does snap all of a sudden. Which she will endeavour not to, of course. Kiyo's too tired to comment on how beautiful an act this is.

* * *

 **Hiyoko Saionji** _dreams of tripping over, and when she does her neck opens up and there’s blood all over her kimono. It's the tripping that upsets her. It’s a stupid dream, anyway, which would never happen because she’s the best dancer ever and never, ever sets a foot out of place once her feet touch the boards. People have tried that kind of thing and failed in the past. She still has a feeling something's missing._

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** _dreams of a path through hallways that link to other hallways only she can find. Left, right, left, right, go back the way you came. Yes, YES. That could work. She dreams of the way out only she knows. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, a light that makes everything better and gives Tsumugi Shirogane a happy ending._

 **Toko Fukawa** _and her body's co-inhabitant (currently trying out the name "Saint Massacre") meet at the crossroads and have an honest discussion on how they should best approach this sudden impetus to murder everyone else is suddenly feeling. Diplomatic negotiations conclude with a mutual agreement. Toko will consult Ryoma Hoshi and ~~Saint Massacre~~ (nah, not feeling it, come up something better) will have a hot bath with the girls. At the very least no rookies are going to be intruding on ~~HER~~ THEIR TURF._

* * *

Korekiyo hears someone approach him from behind. “Y-you look like shit. Got something on your mind?" _Ah, Toko Fukawa. The author. Wonderful. Although occasionally she makes for a stimulating conversation this is neither the time nor the place for her obnoxious-_ "W-wait! Let me know if you want to talk about it, I-I think I know what you're going through. I might have some advice. Meet me in my lab an hour.” _Hmm? Curious._

He feels the edge of the scissors threaten to cut his mask open as Toko Fukawa's tongue suddenly grows long,her voice sharp is sharp and her teeth as well. "Hmmm? You're still clean, aren't you? Haven't killed anyone...yet?" _The scissors? Oh no. This is Genocide Jack. Toko Fukawa is Genocide Ja-_ "Settle down, pretty boy. Me and my gloomier counterpart aren't really in the killing mood, right now, y'know?" _Genocide Jack is a lot more...expressive than the author._ As long as he observes and notes things he can compartmentalize all his thoughts and remain calm. _How interesting. Perhaps some kind of repressed personality caused by trauma?_

"It's fine, Kiyo. She's with me." Ryoma Hoshi is suddenly reclining on a pile of books. "I've been told you seem to have something on your mind. Or rather, in your mind." _Your mind is a vast anthropological encyclopedia. Think of humanity's beauty. Not of your beloved sister's._ Korekiyo calmly explains EXACTLY what's happening.

"Hmmph. So that's the situation. If you ever think you're going to go through with it just talk to me and whoever's inside Toko's body at that point in time. If you ever do go through with it keep in mind that she's very, very fast with those scissors and we have our eye on you. In the worst case scenario we can take you down to Mikan and make an arrangement. " _Mikan? What does she have to do with any of this?_

"Oh, don't understand? I can smell it on you." _Genocide Jack always seems like she's on the verge of cracking up with laughter._ "Wellll, how to explain...I had a niiice little chat with our meek little ragdoll a couple months ago. We got along great aaand to be honest I'm pretty she's completely harmless. I don't think she's capable of ever killing someone, buuut I recognise one of our fellow freakshows when I see one, ya know?" Genocide Jack leans in close, tongue licking Korekiyo's ear in a conspiratorial whisper.  
  
"I think SHE'S the one responsible for putting her little Barbie doll friend to sleep. If you tell her about your problem she might just be able to arrange the same for you. I'll just bet she makes all of your dreams sweet."

* * *

 **Mikan Tsumiki** _dreams she’s a small rabbit that never knew a world outside the enclosure it was born in. They run tests on the rabbit with things to make it look pretty, but they also hurt it a lot. Some of them get in the rabbit's eyes and some of them come through needles and some of the chemicals burn through the rabbit's fur. The rabbit learns to treat all it's own wounds off by heart, because it has to or else it would die like all the others. It knows nothing else but what's been done to it, so when they leave the rabbit alone it practices what they’ve done to it on the other rabbits, making them look just as pretty as it's become. But it tries it's hardest not to hurt them in the vain hope that maybe the ones hurting her will learn that there's a nicer way. All they do is note that a rabbit has developed vanity and resolve to make the pain worse._

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

When Mikan wakes up she hears the soothing tones of Junko’s heart monitor and nestles in closer, sniffling her hair. Mikan still gets sad sometimes, but as long as Junko’s here she’ll be fine and she will never hurt anyone because she swore an oath. _First do no harm._ Besides, she got her permission.  
 _  
_**Junko Enoshima** _happily dreams of her perfect world._

* * *

> _**Korekiyo's sister no longer stops whispering to him when he wakes up and starts slowly fills his head with memories of things that never happened and he refuses to acknowledge. They still FEEL real, though. His sister informs him that Kazuichi Soda will soon clear out three empty rooms with the wooden floorboards, set up exactly as they always are. As long as she's here those rooms are a universal constant. Why are there three of them?** _

The nightmares continue to become more vivid. A few nights later Akane Owari and Leon Kuwata are about to exchange blows in the middle of the corridors on the third floor when Kiyotaka Ishimaru suddenly arrives to break up the whole thing. Neither of them can remember why they were there in the first place and Monokuma arrives to break up the whole thing, sending everyone back to their rooms. Nobody wants to think about what would have happened if Taka wasn't there and some privately question why Taka WAS there. A council is called. Although several major players sit this one out (Kaito's cough is getting worse, Nagito's disappeared looking for who knows what) a healthy majority of students are in attendance. The biggest turnout in a month.

"...I think they might be us. I think they're our ghosts." Makoto Naegi declares, only a little melodramatically.

"God FUCKING damnit Makoto!"  
  
"We've been OVER this! Just because they're ghosts doesn-"  
  
"Piece of shit!"

"We get that already! Can we move on?"  
  
"Ghosts aren't real."  
  
"If it's my ghost then how come I'm alive, huh? You ever-"  
  
"It's mind control and, I dunno, Tsumugi's probably doing it."

"Or cosplaying as ghosts, yeah!"

"That's plainly not a fair accusation! I would never-"

* * *

 **Kirumi Tojo** _dreams that she made a mistake and doesn't have a job any more. Nobody requires her services because she slipped up just once when people were watching. There's a mirror behind her and she knows when she looks at it she'll see a Kirumi Tojo with a natural personality she didn't piece together through years of unobtrusively observing the correct decisions like a machine. Maybe she's loud, impulsive and rude? Maybe she's manipulative, seductive and indolent? Her skin feels scratchy. Maybe she really is dutiful, kind and (urgh) motherly, like they see in her now? Mother... all of these options fill her with dread. I remember mother. Musn't judge, just smile and nod, she was an awful woman. Made her practice the quiet smile in front of the mirror every day so she could be, what, a servant? "Mom" is informal, even worse than "mother". She could be ON the throne instead of a power behind. Kirumi hates it. Kirumi HATES it. Kirumi sits on the stool and can't turn around because the Kirumi in the mirror behind her is making a fuss.  
_ _  
_ **Kazuichi Soda's** _probably bi? Maybe Nekomaru will dig the beard and he and Akane can have some kind of threesome. Huh, that was pretty easy, he'd already kind of figured that out. These evil murder dreams everyone's been having can't be that- oh, wait, no, there's a giant dam collapsing and he could have easily fixed it if he'd made it there on time. There we go. Chikai's dead too._

* * *

> **_Korekiyo's sister sees nearly every woman in the academy as a potential new friend, although the choice is obviously up to him as to who's the most suitable. Tenko Chabashira and Angie Yonaga are apparently no longer options because she's already seen him kill one each recently, but there are others. It's his choice, of course, but the hundredth is a most special occasion. It's what she's been working towards. A hundred is a number. Think in numbers, Korekiyo. Three rooms, three potential sacrifices, one sister, three steps, five participants, one kill, two siblings, two crosspieces, two outcomes, one victim, four corners, one opportunity._ ** _**3-3-1-3-5-1-2-2-2-1-4-1.**_

**"QUIET!"** Kiyotaka Ishimaru had a voice that could get everyone in the room to shut their mouths for at least...ten seconds, hopefully.

"Uhh. Mind if I say something?" Yasuhiro Hagakure. Fantastic.  
  
"Yes!" snipes Celeste von Ludenburg, but Taka overrules her objection and gives him the all clear nevertheless.

"Alright guys, I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news but, uh...I've been checking in on my fortune reading equipment and in general all the messages I'm picking up say we gotta sacrifice someone and start killing each other. Like, it's pretty unanimous from every source. I dunno if it's ghosts or, like, alien psychics or future us. Also, I opened up a fresh, genuine Magic 8-ball and it kept coming up with Chiaki's name as an answer. She's definitely the most popular pick. Oh! And we also got a couple of votes for Teruteru."

"..."

"Look, I'm not saying we SHOULD-

* * *

 _ **Chiaki Nanami** , the other one, dreams she's a tiny bird in a glass jar, being carried around in her weary siblings' bleeding jaws. When the glass breaks and she's exposed to the outside world she'll cease to be. They conspired to smuggle her _ _from somewhere else entirely into this Hope's Peak. A digital refugee, she one flits between the servers, the handbooks and the Game Girl Advance her sister always clutches close to her like a protective amulet. She remembers what it's like to die._

 **Hajime Hinata** , _too, dreams of Chiaki Nanami's deaths, but he also still dreams about Izuru Kamakura._

 **Izuru Kamakura** _lives sealed away inside a world inside a box inside Hajime Hinata's dream. This world is tiny, boring and seems truly impossible for him to escape this time around. There's an indestructible chain around his neck that shackles him to the walls of his cell. The window is a two dimensional painting and he knows what little space exists outside of the walls loops in on itself. He remembers Chiaki, but he can no longer even dream of her. How boring._

* * *

> **_Think, Korekiyo, stay calm. The Caged Dog village. Yes. YES. That's it. Korekiyo Shinguji remembers the sickle on top of the cage, he remembers the blood on the sheets and, in the darkest recesses of his mind, crafts a plan. She will soon view the world through his eyes, but not yet. Think in numbers and shapes. 3-3-1-3-5-1-2-2-2-1-4-1_ **

"Hmm, what was that? Look, my paws really are tied with cases like this. I really can't explain anything here, so I'm just going to have to let you guys figure this one out on your own. That's kind of the idea in general. You really should take those Killing Game Pills I gave you already, they're kind of an emergency resource for cases like this. It'll give you another couple of weeks of not killing each other, honest, but you can only take 'em once."  
  
Monokuma shrugs, leaning back in his seat. Kyoko Kirigiri eyes the bear down and scratched her chin. There's always something perturbing about the specific ways in which the bear can't ever give them a straight answer.

"I'm not saying we're dead, I think they're from, like... other timelines where we do start killing each other, and they're trying to make sure it happens here-"  
  
"Or it could not be us, just some sort of other outside entity that wants us to start hurting each other even more than we are now for sadistic reasons-"  
  
"Great, we're being invaded by a fuckin' ASSHOLE DIMENSION-"  
  
"As the only person here who's actually kind of basically a qualified astrophysicist, I believe-"

"COULD I SAY SOMETHING? I've gotta get this off my chest and out in the open." Rantaro Amami breaks through the din and leans his feet back on the conference table. "Look, I know everyone's dreams are different but I know at least lot of them us killing or hurting one another in some method of capacity, right? If anybody doesn't want to talk about what they're dreaming about they shouldn't be forced to disclose it, but I'll start things off by saying this: I remember killing Kaede with a shotput ball. I also remember framing her for murder, for which she was falsely executed. Of whom? I'm not sure." Kaede looks him in the eyes and they both know exactly what he means.

* * *

 **Kaede Akamatsu** _remembers the guilt in her dream being the worst part up until it isn't. All of her friends are looking on, they knew she did it and they knew she deserved to die. Try and keep a brave face. Smile. You knew the penalty. Be brave, Kaede. Then the cold shackle around her throat pulls her up to the piano and the guilt isn't the worst part any longer because now she can’t breathe and it HURTS. Her legs slam against the keys as she’s choking and her eyes pulse and she remembers that they used to put a hood over the condemned so her friends didn’t have to see her face contort like this and that's one of the last things she'll ever think because her-_

“HEY, KAEIDIOT AND SLASH OR BAKAMATSU! Wake the fuck up and simmer down, there's a bi-lingual beauty trying to jerk off here!” 

**Miu Iruma** _smugly gives her a peck on the cheek and tells her not to worry, because she’s there to protect her and unlike Kaede she’s too smart and pretty to have any nightmares whatsoever. Miu Iruma’s a bad liar, but she'll make sure nobody chokes out her wuss girlfriend without consent nevertheless. Kaede's neck still feels sore in the morning._

* * *

> _**There have been other versions of him and his friends but only ever one of her. He's the final, luckiest of all Korekiyos, who gets to see her in the flesh after this hundredth kill. Ninety nine have already been slaughtered. She's been watching him kill for so long and they day they are reunited is almost at hand. She will take the body and they will do most wonderful things together. Do you remember, Korekiyo? Yes. He tweaks the final details of his perfect murder. The ritual. He knows it will work. It MUST work.**  
>  **3 3 1**  
>  **3 5**  
>  **1 2 2**  
>  **2 1 4 1** _

The council ends with a unanimous decision to never resort to human sacrifice and also give Chiaki the creepy Magic 8-Ball to make up for the fact that the universe seemingly wants to kill her. Aside from that they can't even decide whether there IS any external force making them grow paranoid and homicidal or if it's just them being cooped up for too long with weird fumes, like Soda keeps saying. The Monokubs say they'll hopefully have news on the "outside world" front within a couple of months, pending further developments. There's a second meeting later that night, with a much smaller council.  
  
They travel in pairs for safety and meet in Rantaro's appropriately conspiratorial lab. Gundham Tanaka, Supreme Overlord of Ice, is the last to arrive, theatrically throwing off his hooded cloak as he trails after Sonia Nevermind, locks the door behind him and taking his throne near the head of the table. The main villain must know how to make an entrance. Admittedly it was Kiyo who actually called this meeting and chose who to invite, but still. Gundham Tanaka sips water from a red, disposable plastic goblet, vision scouring his fellow midnight companions. 

He already knew Kiyo and Sonia would be here and assumed Kirumi, Rantaro and Kiyo would attend as well. Hiyoko is a surprise, sitting at the opposite end of the table and quietly whispering to a slightly haggard looking Tsumugi. The real surprises are Toko (as disdainful of everyone as ever, I see), Maki and Angie Yonaga. Hmmph. So these are the ones Korekiyo judged worthy of whatever he was scheming. The ones both wise enough to admit there may be a need to rely on supernatural means to combat this despair and courage to make sacrifices and act on it. Misery and evil demons acquaint a man with strange bedfellows.

* * *

 **Maki Harukawa** _dreams she had the choice to give up and for the first time ever she takes it. She's sorry, but she was ten years old and didn't know what she was signing up for and it hurts every day and they don't even let her sleep. They take her friend instead and then push Maki back into the lake. All she remembers from the world where she didn't give up is that it's usually the shock of the cold that kills them, before the hypothermia sets in._

 **Kokichi Oma** plans to SAY he _dreams about back when he was an abandoned orphan but also an abused street kid but also he had mean foster parents or perhaps they were his real parents, until D.I.C.E. showed up, who were a gang of criminals but also good criminals and only non-violent pranksters and he was actually raised by them but he was also the leader? Maybe there was an orphanage at some point, but an even WORSE one than the one grumpy ol' Maki was stuck in, so she actually doesn’t know how lucky she had it when it comes to child abuse, if she actually went through any at all. When you think about it it's hypocritical of them to call him a liar when she's a way worse liar than he is! He's 90% sure she's probably some kind of Ultimate Ninja or Assassin, so if she's lying about her ability then that part of her past (which he assumes happened, but that's besides the point) is probably a lie too._

 _Hmmm... D.I.C.E. probably didn't abuse him, unless it was in a sort of Stockholm Syndrome type way, ooh, that could definitely be a good angle. Like, a sort of twisted “I can’t help but still love them" kind of deal? And maybe that's the only way he knows HOW to love, because of it! Really play up the whole "I'm a hurt and misunderstood baby child with a heart of gold" act. Whatever, he'll make it work and improvise at the time. Anyway, he was definitely abused in whatever way would attract the most sympathy from whoever he was secretly talking to that would never, ever betray him or reveal his secrets because only they understood the torment he’d been through and THAT'S the reason why he did what he does to them._ Yeah, that sounds like a pretty useful dream to say you have!

* * *

> **Keep compartmentalizing. Write notes, Korekiyo. Observe and compartmentalize. The Caged Child Ritual. The Sickle. The Empty Rooms. The trick. The floorboards. The girls. Each has a role to play. Do it PROPERLY this time. Failure is not an option. Remember the numbers. Prepare sister a nice surprise.**

"Hmm. Are you suggesting we must resort to the black arts to waylay this problem?"

"If it actually is ghosts then I can't think of a better solution."

“It doesn’t matter what they are, what matters how we deal with them. If they need a sacrifice then perhaps some sort of effigy may suffice... Angie, would you be able to make something like that?”

"Hmmm. I can prepare effigies, but I'm not sure how useful they will actually be without any blood. And for something this big I'd need a lot of that. How much blood would you all be willing to donate? Hmm?"

"Do you have a goat you think would suffice, Gundham? In many countries I believe that by cutting the throat of a goat or a lamb is traditional when it comes to these sorts of things. I'm sure Hiyoko would relish the opportunity to-"

“NO! I-I don’t want any throat slitting. Make someone else do it! It's...too dirty." Ah, I see. So that’s how she remembers dying. How sad. ( _She's right, Korekiyo. It's cleaner if we go through the back of the neck and not the front. Would you like to see what it looked like for our friend Tenko? Her expression was incomparable)_

"I think it might be some sort of cosmic probability thing. Like, regardless of the reason, which I'm not saying isn't ghosts, the fact that there have been other killing games with these results in adjacent universes means that it's more likely to have happened here BECAUSE it's happening in those ones. For consistency. The same thing might be happening with Chiaki. I'm just spitballing."

Korekiyo nods at this, ignores his sibling's whispering about Tenko bleeding out unable to scream, clears his throat and makes his announcement. Privately he agrees with Rantaro's theory, and spoke to him about this earlier. He already knows the ones he has picked will all agree. It's been predetermined. "Well then, I must confess that I personally do not know how to resolve this sacrifice issue. HOWEVER, along with my nightmares I must admit have been receiving... spiritual messages which I believe are from my long deceased sister. I have already made most of you aware of this. She says she has a solution, and I have a discovered a seance ritual in my lab that will allow us to contact her and resolve some of our ongoing spiritual problems, at least for the time being. I believe there is no risk in attempting it." _No risk to some, anyway._

Korekiyo Shinguji hands out sealed envelopes to everyone, containing a message and a set of instructions he has personally written. He nods at Rantaro before he heads off and they all go their separate ways. Preparations will begin the following day.

* * *

> **_If his destiny is to become a murder he will embrace it in a manner consistent with his philosophy. This will be his masterpiece. Korekiyo Shinguji will show them all what he is truly made of. The Caged Child Seance will be a ritual sacrifice worthy of his dearest sister. He goes over his list of participants one final time, where he's underlined three potential names for the see-saw trick. He will do it correctly this time and it will be beautiful._ **

  * **Kirumi Tojo**
  * **Hiyoko Saionji**
  * **Maki Harukawa** _ **  
**_



_How many will there be by dawn?_   
  
_Will there be two or just one?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NEXT CHAPTER:**   
>  _The ritual starts, then finishes. Korekiyo has made some enhancements to ensure it's got a bit more panache, but all the fundamentals remain. Will it go off without a hitch? We may have the first successful murder on our hands. It's a two-parter where we actually get both parts in chronological succession. Tsumugi Shirogane is the loneliest teenager on Earth._   
>  _There's meaning to a couple of the dreams, but not most of them and not the number sequence. I just chose them out of a pile. Don't think too hard on it._


	8. Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korekiyo Shinguji conducts the REAL Caged Child Seance. It's bigger and better than ever before. There's a lot more ceremony to it.
> 
> Plain old Tsumugi Shirogane has a heart to heart with Monokuma and figures out what the main gimmick of this killing game is. She is the loneliest girl in the universe.
> 
>   
> _"The middle room's always best for stuff like this"_  
>  **\- Himiko Yumeno**  
> 

**Korekiyo stands within the salt circle and gives instructions on how the cage is to be carried. They have all memorised the song. The robe and the mask are donned. The medium's head meets the stone, where they will remain perfectly silent. The cage is placed on the medium. The cloth is placed over the sickle. The sickle is placed on to the cage. The statue is lowered on top of the cloth. The doors are shut. The candles are blown out. The song begins. The seance commences.**

#  **SISTERS**

* * *

"Tsumugi, do you know what the Necronomicon is?" _Yes, Himiko, I know what The Necronomicon is._  
  
"Oh, like the magical book of the dead? Yeah! It's been in tons of books and movies. I'm pretty sure magic's more your kind of thing, though. Why?"  
  
"Do...do you have it? Do you know where it is?" _No, Himiko, I don't know where The Necronomicon is. I really, really wish I did. Wait, how much do you know?  
  
_ "I don't see why I would. Why do you ask?" _How much does she know? Don't freak out, Himiko's your friend. It's probably just another one of her-  
  
_ "I just...I had a dream that said you would." _Hmm, that's suspicious. Oh well! Best just leave it at that. Himiko's been having weird dreams for who knows how long, and the less I think about this the less likely I am to die because I'm trapped in a Danganronpa game oh god Tsumugi what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, there's no way out. Breathe._

* * *

Korekiyo hands out his instruction letters for the Caged Child Seance. Some of them are explicit in what they require the participant to do and some of them are also very explicit in explaining his motivations. Everyone reads their letter and nods. There are no objections, at least not at this stage. The last time he attempted the seance the purpose was merely to murder Tenko. This time around he summon his sister AND commit the murder he so desires. There are more pieces in play, but that just makes the proceedings all the more spectacular.

They all head to bed, bar one, and hope that the nightmares won't be too bad tonight. It's doubtful, but they have a big day ahead of them tomorrow if the seance is to succeed in it's goals.

* * *

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** does NOT head back to bed once she receives her instructions from Kiyo. _Do what he says and take the knives from Himiko's lab. He's a serial killer, but if he's trying the ritual all you have to do is not volunteer. Up until last year you had a pet cat you loved a lot called Dusty, because his fur got everywhere and mixed in with the dust and made keeping your outfits lint free really hard. You loved him a lot despite that. You're real. You're plain, so you need to stay that way. Mix in with the dust like he did and grow old like him and do not die in this place._

Tsumugi's memories of the dream are fading, but her feet still know the way down these halls. _Keep running. You're real, but so is the way you're heading. You were going to get your braces taken off next month. Mikan might still be able to do that. Up these stairs, then circle around this classroom, left, right, sharp right, then return down the stairs from whence you came and-_ It's there. The classroom. Her last hope. _Lock the door. Barricade the door. Pray._ She's sure nobody followed her, but you never know. _This can't be done with anyone else around._ Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Cosplayer and three times former Mastermind takes a deep breath, clears aside the desk and finds the console. _Breathe, Tsumugi, breathe_. _You have the inhaler in your backpack._  
  
It's decades old and covered with dust. The screen's cracked and it's clear that something inside of it short circuited before she was born and fried all the internals. _Oh, oh._ Maybe the battery expanded as well? She was never very good with electronics. _Oh, oh, oh._ The locker. _THE LOCKER._ In her haste to scramble towards it she stumbles and bangs her knee on one of the desks, drawing blood. Tsumugi the Mastermind would have brushed it off, but then again she probably never would have stumbled in the first place if not to throw someone off. This Tsumugi cries for a good three minutes, before remembering she has some band-aids and antiseptic in her backpack as well. _Be brave, you are TSUMUGI SHIROGANE. You don't need your cosplay and you don't need a fucking security blanket or stuffed toys because you are (almost) an ADULT._

There's an old flashback light in the locker, but when she picks it up the shattered pieces of the lens instantly falls out and she can tell half of it's components have already rotted away. _Oh._ Under it what looks like an old picnic blanket and a shoebox labeled " _Tsumugi's things_ " in the handwriting of a Tsumugi who _isn't her_. Inside the box are some photos of her as a kid in which she's still real, a couple of dusty old books, some expired epi-pens and a set of instructions for the dead flashback light. _Oh, oh, oh, OH._ Tsumugi Shirogane is the loneliest girl in the entire world and at finding this she just curls up into a ball against the locker and cries her heart out. She misses her parents, she misses her old cat, she misses not crying in private every single day of her life for the past few months. She misses not knowing. She misses being fictional _, except it never worked like that, did it?_

She hears a rustling from the vents and knows Monokuma's standing before her, staring. She can't even look at him. Her heart is torn to pieces and nobody else in this universe can understand because she's the only real one. Or at least she was, because now she's become fictional _and so have all of her classmates_. **"Planning to cause some mischief, Ms Former Mastermind?"** She sniffles, and shakes her head as she presses it against her non-bleeding knee.

"You don't understand! I wasn't going to use it on them! I'm a good person, she isn't me! I just wanted to not remember any more and turn myself into a _Tsumugi who's happy to be alive and stuck here!"_ The bear just stands there and waits for her to finish crying. A good conversation between old friends is worth waiting for.

* * *

 **Korekiyo Shinguji** runs through the list of participants in his head. Alphabetical order. If everyone plays their part then the plan should go off without a hitch. If they don't then there were contingencies in place. It would just mean the need for more effort and sacrifice on his part. The caged child seance as written in the book was intricate enough as is, without the extra...additions he had made, to add scale and panache.

 **Angie Yonaga** brings with her experience in religious ceremonies and, more importantly, an in with Maki, whom she has become... close with as of late. She doesn't trust him and he doesn't trust her, but she's always been open to alliances of mutual interest. He describes his sister's face and even privately exposes his own without a mask so that she may create a new one out of wax. Wax is what they used to make death masks. The pieces might have all been in place for the full ceremony last time, as well. A missed opportunity.  
  
 **Gundham Tanaka** was invaluable when it came to drawing the salt circles, and practices it with Kirumi Tojo in the room on the left so that they can get it right quickly and correct any mistakes before the time comes for the actual ceremony. **  
  
****Hiyoko Saionji** can't sew, but she sure can criticize someone when they're not getting the ceremonial kimono's details right, Tsumugi! Traditional ceremonies and performances are actually kind of her whole deal already, so she just kind of tunes out. She can just wing it when the time comes. Another memory slowly returns to her and suddenly   
  
**Kirumi Tojo** devotedly clears out the rooms and makes sure there aren't any splinters that could hurt anyone within the cracks when the rooms are unlit. She practices drawing and undrawing the salt circles with Gundham over and over again. He trusts her to preform her duties perfectly when the time comes.

 **Korekiyo Shinguji's** role is obvious.  
  
 **Maki Harukawa's** talents had already been leaked to him, and his instruction letter informed her of such. She has no choice but to participate if she doesn't want her identity as The Ultimate Assassin exposed. He would rather not resort to blackmail, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  
  
 **Rantaro Amami** had provided Kiyo with the crucial missing idea he needed to make this ceremony function differently than last time. He had the general idea in his head already, but Rantaro clinched it. This also meant there might be a risk that he'd figure it out and ruin things beforehand, but Kiyo suspected he wouldn't. Rantaro was always the kind to lay back, question things and observe. Both culturally experienced and philosophically educated, he might be one of the few other true big picture thinkers left in this school, honestly.

 **Sonia Nevermind** is surprisingly well versed on the occult, and especially helpful when it comes to convincing Kazuichi Soda to forge the additional equipment they need for the seance. Tsumugi Shirogane brings over the reference props she took from Himiko's room, which shouldn't be a problem, but it's doubtful that she would have been able to convince him about the ones Sonia acquired from Maki.

 **Toko Fukawa** thinks she's there as an insurance policy in case things go wrong and his murderous side takes over. In a way, she's right. She knows about Korekiyo's sister, but in a pinch he's certain that if Hiyoko, Maki or Kirumi proved unwilling she could be blackmailed into taking their place. As it happens, this was unnecessary.

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** seems even more worn out and tired than usual, but she was still able to attain the necessary stage props from Himiko and sew together a new ceremonial kimono for Kiyo to wear when the time came.

* * *

_Tsumugi Shirogane remembers the first time she dressed up as a character she loved at a convention. In retrospect she was probably way too young to be there, but oh well. Hmmm... in retrospect she might have seen Maki botching that one mission on the same day, but bringing that up certainly wasn't going to do her any favours or make her seem less suspicious. Why would Tsumugi know any of that in the first place? Besides, she knew enough about her friend's past to know that wasn't really an area to prod her on. It would be just plain rude, you know?  
  
The point is that she's pretty sure they're all always going to be intertwined with one another, as a group. Oh, she should make something nice for Maki. Like a scarf!   
_

* * *

"So, I, snfff, think I've figured out what this place is." Her throat was hoarse, but Tsumugi was finally able to calm down and wipe away enough of her tears to clearly look at the bear.

 **"Oh, really? Wow, that's quicker than I thought! I mean, you have a big advantage compared to everyone else, but still! That's pretty impressive."** This Monokuma was different from the other ones _(they all are, just like me)_ , but it seems that he also retains knowledge from the other killing games. ( _That knowledge is the most important part of it)._

"Well, I don't really have a lot of the pieces and I know you can't directly answer most of my questions, but I still think I've got a large part of the framework mapped out. I may not be as good at any of this stuff as the other Tsumugis, but I'm also still the Ultimate Cosplayer. That's how I glued the pieces together in a way that makes sense to me, description wise. We're glued together pieces, aren't we? This is a universe of leftovers from the back of the closet. We're the scrap fabric from the other, better Danganronpa timelines that someone's sewn together and so is this whole Hope's Peak Academy. That's why it's all crummy, depressing and distinctly half finished."

**"Wow, that's harsh! Are my cute cubs not building an Academy that's to your liking? Not fancy enough for ya?"**

"YES! Teruteru got an infection from a splinter, whatever you're using to paint this place gives everyone headaches and my Ultimate Lab was filled with black mold, But that's NOT the real problem! You've put together a slapdash bunch used of bits and pieces from the classic killing games, but they don't really fit together correctly and there's no theming going on whatsoever. I don't want to pry too hard into your motivations just yet, but to me it looks like either you're just throwing different things against the wall to see what sticks...or these are all the bits you have left available to you. I notice your fur's looking a little worn out."

 **"Geeze, that's a bit of a sore spot ya know. Literally! I'm STILL your headmaster, and hurting me is against the-"** There usually weren't that many opportunities to cut Monokuma off mid-sentence, and she made the most of it. If she were a protagonist she might have said "NO, THAT'S WRONG!" and the two would have chuckled about it. Ah well, life's full of missed opportunities when you're just Tsumugi.

"But it isn't yet, IS IT? That's the other bit I've figured out. You've still got all the pieces, props and people set up for a killing game. That's the whole reason why you exist here, but no killing game's started yet. In fact, you seem to be indirectly going out of your way to prevent one even though we keep getting hurt anyway. You and your annoying little friends, pardon me, keep indirectly implying or mentioning that the universe is out to either kill us or make us start killing each other. But YOU aren't, YET. You're making everything as comfortable as you can for us, despite not doing a very good job at it. We're destined to keep colliding and killing each other sooner or later and if you're here then it's meant to happen because of a killing game."  
  
 **"Meeeeaning? Let's hear your little theory"**  


 _ " _ _ You're putting it off as long as possible because **someone's trying to jerry rig this "killing game" into a makeshift life support system** **for us.** " _

**"How interesting! Wow, you're not as dull as I thought."** She could never quite tell when the bear was being sarcastic, but that was always kind of her role as the straight man. Might as well take it as a complement.   
  
"Oh, thank you! Would you like me to see if I can patch up some of your fur while I spitball some more little theories? I can probably make it look more even."

 **"Hmm. Are you SURE that cospox everyone's been catching off of you won't affect me?"** _Fuck. Monokuma figured that part out. That's just plain embarrassing._

* * *

His sister is off who knows where, preparing to manifest in the real world. Perhaps the salt they're preparing makes it a less favourable environment for her right now. It is meaningless to speculate. _It is never meaningless to speculate, Korekiyo. Don't be stupid. Always keep thinking. Steel your mind. Numbers and shapes. Numbers and shapes._ Regardless, his mind has been fully his own for the last few hours and he is full of anxiety. What if it doesn't work. What if he's found out? Is what he's doing the right thing? His heart rate is rising.   
  
_No. you must steel your heart. Steel your nerves. You have already made the decision. Do not choke at this crucial moment. Trust in yourself, Korekiyo. Think of your sister._

Yes. Sister.

_Think of the numbers, Korekiyo. Numbers and shapes. Draw the circles on the inside of the squares with the salt. Four participants in the room, plus one medium. Draw the diamonds inside of the circles. Draw the circles on the inside of the diamonds. Segment the outside into sixteen portions, the inner into eight. Follow the instructions exactly. Draw the circles on the inside where the cage will go. Clear a path towards the cage. The salt cannot touch the walls. Do not give yourself away by changing the ritual's details now, like last time._

_Four participants inside three squares, two circles within the squares, two squares within the circles, two circles within the squares, one path, one cage, one sacrifice inside the circle, one scythe, one hole in the floorboards in the center room._   
  
_**3-3-1-3-5-1-2-2-2-1-4-1** _

* * *

**"...anyway, basically what I'm saying is that don't know EVERYTHING either, really. I'm not one of the omniscient Monokumas, ya know? I know most of it compared to you jerks, obviously, and I've got little cameras everywhere, but no Nanokumas this time."** Monokuma grows those weird muscly arms and shrugs. _Oh, he can still do that, though._ The bear was giving her more information than she thought he would, but still being annoyingly evasive with the details. Tsumugi would take what she could get.

"That's a relief. I don't want the Nanokumas watching me in the bathroom like that one Miu situation. It didn't really matter because I died at the end anyway, but I did get shouted at a lot from my producers and it wasn't pleasant. Her character didn't really come together as intended, at least when I was the one writing her. I think she's always going to be kind of confusing like that. And by writing her I meant I was written to- well, you get what I mean. Having knowledge from other universes where you aren't real sure is confusing, right?"  
  
 _That's the whole problem, isn't it? The heartbreak of having your friends and loved ones stop being unique beings with their own lives and transform into two dimensional snippets of who they used to be in your mind. Remember old Dusty's purring and the feeling of his fur. He didn't live long enough to stop being real to you, maybe? Or maybe you just loved him a lot. Like a beautiful, thick fabric. That was a real feeling. That was important. Remember that when you feel fabric. A 2D cartoon world doesn't have texture._

"I'm pretty sure that shared information between different versions of Monokumas is how they were able to use you, right? Daisy chaining information across different timelines is risky, but I don't think it'd mess up and make reality as depressing and crummy as whoever sent those message back in time to Junko. But for it to get this bad I'm thinking this might actually be the result of multiple, repeated attempts at sending info through time in different time loops. God, at least they didn't try and win the lottery while they were at it." _I know one of those messages from the future was from a version of me instead of a real Junko Enoshima. But does he? I don't think he does._

**"It's more or less something like that. One of those things where the more you try and fix something the more it goes off path, y'know?"**

"Does it have anything to do with Chiaki? I'm guessing it's Chiaki, right? No, you don't have to answer that. At first I thought it was Kaede, but it's Chiaki. Drat."

 **"Oh, not a Chiaki fan? Thinking of taking matters into your own hands? If you want some suggested methods of taking her out I can help you out with those! Puhuhuhu"**  
  
"N-no! Chiaki's my friend. I'm just... being aware of how messed up your situation is on a cosmic level doesn't help with my anxiety, you know? Chiaki dies a lot, poor thing, and if Chiaki dying means the killing game starts and I'm in danger then that really won't help with the amount of anxiety I've been dealing with. Honestly, if it was Kokichi I'd probably be fine with him being the one the universe has it out for. He really is just plain unpleasant. Is this Chiaki thing Izuru Kamakura related?"

Monokuma sighs. **"I can't say whether it is or not one way or the other. You know how these things go. He's another one of those ones that never quite go right, you know? He just fizzles out one way or the other."**

"Darn. I never liked that guy. I get that being kind of personality-free is his thing, but sitting around and calling everything boring all day is just...boring, you know? A bit of a failure of a character. Not that I'm one to talk, being plain on my level."

 **"So, what about you? Any plans to use this knowledge to your advantage? Care to share the notes you're passing with the rest of the class?"**  
  
"Oh, I just really don't want to die. Just telling everybody that I know this stuff is the easiest way to set a death flag over my head, making me both suspicious and an obvious target. Then again, I'm not the Tsumugi who can really rely on meta-meta-strategy any more, but I'm just kind of stuck in my habits. I'm still the Ultimate Cosplayer, after all. Just one who's a regular girl that became very good at disguising her teeth and acne. Boy...That's kind of the worst thing about this world, isn't it?"  
  
 **"What, that you're here?"**  
  
"No, and I'm going to politely ignore that. Everything here's so...dark and _musty_. And everyone, too! All of us are the same people, but we're kind of more...depressing than the other versions. I don't know if it's because we've usually started murdering each other by this point and just don't get to learn about it, but the more this goes on the more it seems everyone here's just got a bunch of depressing built up trauma that they're unable to healthily resolve or talk about until, I dunno, Kaede starts some kind of a group healing therapy session. it's like we're still not quite real people, yet. Most of us, anyway. Ibuki seems to be doing fine and so's Mikan, which is odd."

**"Yeah, that could work I guess. I mean, it's your decision! I'm doing my best to remain paws-off until someone starts a killing game, like the rules say. Oh, speaking of which, what's happening tonight that's got everyone so worked up?"**

"Well, Kiyo's about to try his stupid see-saw seance again and I have to pick up some props for whatever he's planning this time. I could probably intervene, but I know that'd REALLY paint a target on my back. I guess I'll just try and remain an observer and wink at the camera, you know? Then when everyone else has figured some stuff out I'll probably say my piece. I guess I'll talk to you again some other time if the killing game doesn't start here. Oh, and remember to do the laugh more often! Even here us universal constants should keep up our standards, you know?"  
  
 **"I guess that makes sense. Goodluuuuck~ Puhuhuhu."**

"Whatever. I'll see you around! " She sniffles and sighs one last time, before deciding to look through the old books her sisters left her with. Her knee is going to have a nasty bruise in the morning. One was a sewing manual and...oh? _Huh, how about that,_ _I guess I don't really have much use for that one, do I? But wait! What's this?_ The thing under the shoebox that she assumed was a picnic blanket was actually stitched together in a much more uneven pattern, which she recognised as her own. Multiple versions of her own.

 _They left me a quilt to work on and keep busy with. Well, I guess it's a nice gesture.  
  
_ "Guess I might as well give this copy of The Necronomicon to Himiko, then. It seems like the right thing to do."

* * *

Tsumugi found Himiko inside her lab, playing with the tiger cub she STILL hadn't named yet. _Honestly, she really is quite lazy._ Tsumugi always wanted to pet that thing, but despite it's gentle purring she was always way too scared to try given what happened to Peko's finger. Maybe it just didn't like people with glasses? She hadn't seen Byakuya or Toko go near it either, so it plainly wasn't worth risking!

 _Think the only reason she usually survives so long is that she sleeps through half the killing game. Not that I can blame her. Oh well, let's see if we can get those props for Kiyo's little magic show._ "Himiko! I found that copy of the Necronomicon you wanted while I was in the library." She really didn't like to lie to her friends (unlike SOME versions of herself, cough cough), but in this instance it might possibly be necessary. Probably not, though.  
  
"W-wait, we had it in _THE LIBRARY_?" Himiko jolts awake and her tiger cub runs off to go find Gundham, who Tsumugi knew was probably practicing the salt circles with Kirumi as they spoke.  
  
"YOU MEAN _YOU DIDN'T CHECK_? Th-that's where you find books!" I mean, it makes sense, right?   
  
"W-wait, have you looked inside?"  
  
"No, it's not really my kind of thing. Oh! What are these? "  
  
"They're fake knives that retract when you stick them in things. I don't need to use them because I'm more powerful than that. You can just take them! Can I please have the book!

"Hmm. That doesn't seem quite right. We'd probably best stay in character... oh! I know. I'll trade you **[01x NECRONOMICON]** for **[02x RETRACTKNIFE]"** The deal was done. Huh. _That makes everything a lot easier. I can probably get a sandwich for lunch now. I hope Teruteru's recovered from that splinter._

* * *

Hiyoko, Kirumi, Maki. Maki, Hiyoko, Maki, Kirumi. Kirumi, Maki, Hiyoko. Which one of them was to play the central part? Hmmm. When it came down to it it was all about qualifications, wasn't it? 

* * *

Word somehow leaks about the ritual to Keebo, and through Keebo to **Himiko Yumeno** because robots are bad liars. She remembers now. Korekiyo is conducting the caged child seance. Again. The ritual. The seesaw. She remembers the girl who tried to be her best friend in her dreams and IS her best friend in reality dying alone in the dark, where she could be there in there again. ANYONE could be there again. _Oh no, oh no, oh please no._ She hastily grabs the book and dashes as fast as her legs can carry her towards the three empty rooms, which she can see in her head so clearly now. Unfortunately she's never been the most in-shape little witch, and her legs are annoyingly short. _If he kills someone I only have one use of The Necronomicon. That's all. That's the only chance I have if I can't get there in time._

She almost runs straight into Tenko ( _who is alive oh thank god Tenko TENKO)_ on her way up the stairs. It's a good thing she didn't because anyone who runs into Tenko by accident is going to end up pinned to the ground with extremely violent efficiency. "TENKO! We need to-"  
  
Her friend was flustered, but otherwise in perfect health apart from a slight limp from the whole Maki incident. That's actually doing better than most of the students here. "Himiko! I've been looking all over for you! Angie gave me this letter which she got from Kiyo to give to you a couple of hours ago. She said it was important that-" 

"That's not important now! Angie's in danger! We're all in danger! Please, follow me! I-I'll explain when we get there!"

* * *

**Korekiyo stands within the salt circle and gives instructions on how the cage is to be carried. They have all memorised the song. The robe and the mask are donned. The medium's head meets the stone, where they will remain perfectly silent. The cage is placed on the medium. The cloth is placed over the sickle. The sickle is placed on to the cage. The statue is lowered on top of the cloth. The doors are shut. The candles are blown out. The song begins. The seance commences.**

Korekiyo Shinguji concentrates. It's as if his mind is full of doubts, fog, full of impenetrable mysteries. _This is all an illusion._

**The mask and the robe are donned. His sister is here and smells the feast that has been prepared for her.**

#  **The Caged Child (Redux)**

* * *

_** At last, at last, at long last ** _

**His sister slithers up from underneath the floorboards, or is that shape really Korekiyo? In the pitch black darkness who is to say.**

_Move with exact precision  
_ _There was never any need for a rehearsal  
_ _Just find your bearings_

* * *

_** Young guard dog and little lost girl ** _

**Her robe is tied right to left, back to front like that of a dead woman.**

_She slowly begins to creep towards the cage  
_ _Her face is a pale mask of death  
_ _She will pounce upon her target as she has many times before_

* * *

_** Sealed within an iron cage ** _

**She begins to lunge forward with a series of inhumanly smooth, eerie motions.**

_She is the spider tip-toeing along the beautiful gossamer web it has spun  
_ _She is the bewitching lure of the angler fish, distracting you from the looming teeth  
_ _She is the octopus camouflaged in plain sight, with poison in it's tendrils_

* * *

_** At mountain's bottom within the darkness ** _

**The song echoes throughout the rooms, reverberating into the iron cage where it drowns out the approaching death.**

_Her poise is beautiful and perfect  
_ _Her smile is innocent, like that of a child  
_ _The child's hands are soaked with blood, viscera and the fluids of men_

* * *

_** At last, at last, at long last ** _

**In the darkness she dances an ethereal dance for only herself to know about.**

_She approaches without disturbing anyone, so silent that nobody would notice her presence even were the singing absent.  
Her feet are so light that even standing a hair's breadth away you would feel no vibration on the floorboards  
She moves in a way that the eye cannot follow. Even in broad daylight you could not see her draw close_

* * *

_** How many will there be by dawn?  
** _

**She approaches the center of the stage, she always relishes this moment**

_This path of salt is oh so familiar to her. She knows the way off by heart  
_ _Even if her feet were to touch the salt it would make no difference, for she moves so pristinely it would not disturb them  
_ _It's pointless either way, for now she glides gently overhead and descends to the room’s center like an arrow finding its mark_

* * *

_** Will there be two or just one?  
  
-THUNK!-  
  
** _

****THE DOG'S JAW CLOSES. IT'S FANGS DRAW BLOOD. THE WOUND IS FATAL** **

_Feet come down upon the floorboard without a moment of hesitation  
_ _They stomp furiously, as if they're crushing an animal underfoot  
_ _The sickle rams into the neck with pinpoint precision, taking the life of all in it's path_

* * *

 _** Will the guard dog run far away?  
**_ **The girl is broken, torn asunder and devoured.** _**   
** _

_Blood soaks the cloth dark, her body twists and contorts in pain  
The victim can't even scream, but even if she could nobody would be able to hear her  
She feels the shock and then everything goes cold and black and cold_

* * *

_** Or did it eat the little girl? ** _

**Korekiyo thinks he hears the death rattle, but there's no way to be certain.  
  
**

_Tread lightly, re-trace your steps  
Slink back to where you came from  
One turn forward, one turn back. That's all there is._

* * *

_** At last, at last, at long last**_

**...**

* * *

Tenko eventually has to carry Himiko because she keeps cramping up too hard. If that hadn't happened then they might have been able to stop the ceremony. As it was, they got there just in time to hear the chanting end and an eerie silence creep over the corridor. Three empty rooms. But which one were they in? Which- 

**Rantaro Amami** rushes out of the room on the left accompanied by **Sonia Nevermind** , **Gundham Tanaka** , **Kirumi Tojo** and **Korekiyo Shinguji**. At the same time Tsumugi Shirogane exits the room on the right along with Toko Fukawa, an extremely not-dead looking Angie Yonaga, **Maki Harukawa** and **Korekiyo Shinguji.** They all run towards the center, while Himiko and Tenko follow them. Korekiyo shoots her a glare. She could have prevented this had she been a minute faster. **  
**

There's nobody in the room. They don't bother to preserve the salt lines or raise the statue off the cage in any particular order. The time for ceremony's over. There's no body under the cage, but the sickle, floorboard and sheets are all caked in warm blood. More blood than any one person could bleed. Angie Yonaga looks particularly happy about this.  
  


A noise can be heard from the hole through the floor in the corner of the room. _**"Hello? Can someone help me out here? I got a splinter, my kimono's covered in blood and this ugly Kiyo mask makes me want to throw up!"**_ Ah, **Hiyoko Saionji's** alive too. The killing was a success, but you can't win 'em all.

* * *

** -THUNK!-  **

**Korekiyo Shinguji** was in the **cage on the left**. **Kirumi Tojo** moved through the dark without making a single error or disturbing the salt circle, just as she had practiced with Gundham.  
  
The murder weapon was a **retractable prop sickle,** built by Kazuichi Soda on Sonia's request.

**-THUNK!- **

**Korekiyo Shinguji** was in the **cage on the right**. Once you get your bearings this was basically just hopscotch. **Maki Harukawa** used to teach the other kids, but she was always the best.  
  
The murder weapon was a **retractable prop sickle,** built by Kazuichi Soda on Sonia's request.

**-THUNK!-  
  
Korekiyo's Sister** manifested in the **empty central cage** , so naturally **Hiyoko Saionji** was the one to take the center stage. The Ultimate Traditional Dancer never needs a rehearsal and never sets a foot wrong once she starts a performance, even in pitch black darkness. On the floorboards nothing can touch her, even without any music. **  
  
The seance was a success.** She donned Kiyo's sister's kimono and death mask, crept up from underneath the floor and drew the false sister's blood with **the real sickle.  
  
** **The victim was Korekiyo Shinguji's False Sister.  
  
The killer was Hiyoko Saionji (and ???)  
  
Kiyo's Sisters' victims have been avenged.**

* * *

"My sister is dead. The parasite will feed on others' deaths no more. I hope this sacrifice will quench the thirst of whatever spirits have been bothering us. If you feel that I have committed a crime then prosecute me, but I refuse to take responsibility or apologize for any that I have not." He stares Himiko directly in the eyes while he says this. She can't read his expression, but he just looks... very tired. Haunted by what he's seen. Even more than her.  
  
Tsumugi and Tenko walk her back to her room. Angie is busy collecting the blood from under the floor. Everyone's nightmares ease off for a while, but the memories of their contents linger.

* * *

 **Hiyoko Saionji** _remembers everything now. It all seemed so brilliantly stupid in retrospect. She could hug and kiss Kiyo. No, THEY could hug and kiss him. Oh, oh, oh, Everyone had pulled off the ritual perfectly, but even if they hadn't she would still have been able to solve all their problems in that beautiful fairytale moment. It was his sister's seance, but it was also their ceremony and nothing can hold them back when they dance in tandem. She skips off into the night, but she's not alone and she won't be alone ever again. Her ever faithful guardian watches over her._

* * *

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** _collects what little pieces of fabric she can find from each of her friends and sews it on to the quilt. She feels it's weight around her each night and draws what comfort from it she can. She misses her cat. She wants to pet Himiko's tiger cub, but hasn't quite worked up the courage yet because that thing's growing really fast. Maybe she'll ask her tomorrow, though._

**Korekiyo Shinguji** _once again dreams of the see-saw on the playground. He knows a secret way to balance it so you can stay at the top with only yourself there. The other kids don't like Kiyo and say he's creepy, but for his part he's happy to sit alone on the see-saw and think of the marvelously clever things he will do when he grows up._

_It was too late for_ **Korekiyo Shinguji** _, who'd been secretly losing the battle against the voices for months. The ritual was complete, but by that point something else had snuck in there well beforehand and it's influence was a lot more subtle. It spoke of temptations. There were changes and then there were changes to the changes. Sometimes we are who we pretend to be, sometimes we're who other people decide to perceive us as._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the "No Killing Game". I hope most of what happened there made sense.
> 
> I think I've figured out exactly where I'm going with this whole story now. I'm probably going to go back and edit a few of the previous chapters to make them more cohesive, but none of the changes should be very major. Thank you for reading!
> 
>  **NEXT TIME:** _We continue to slowly circle around the drain of talking about what's actually going on with Maki, which means we may have to resort to stuff like "Getting Mahiru's perspective on who the actual Ultimate Detective is", "Kaede trying to scrape Miu's backstory from underneath the cushion seats" or "Kazuichi Soda drinking beer with Akane and Nekomaru". Kokichi Oma is also planning to try and kill people for real._


	9. And Maki Makes Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **They're the same but they're not the same. They all know what's wrong and none of them know what to do. They have responsibilities but they didn't really have choices. Four girls were killed before the start, three were innocent.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **There'll be some rough stuff in this one, there's a lot of Maki backstory. Child abuse and explicitly described violence. CSA is implied, but not explicitly described. There's a suicide attempt. Some kids are going to die but we're not going to see it. The next one's probably going to be more of a "fun" one.**
> 
> As always, leave me a comment if I've missed anything or have any feedback. Remember to do push-ups.

#  **And Maki Makes Three**

**Maki Harukawa** was proud of the amount of a _person_ being she still was after all this time. She always fulfilled her duties but she didn't like it, which means _she still had the ability to not like things._ And smile, and make _jokes_ even though nobody else ever found them funny. An assassin who cries about being tortured during training is kind of like a kid who says they're not tired. You just say that's proof of how tired they are. They killed Maki in the lake over and over again but when she revived the girl never stopped being _her_.

The only emotion she didn't feel proud of was the _awkwardness_. Assassins trained by the Holy Salvation Society aren’t meant to feel emotions like awkwardness and neither is Maki, but she still does. Ever since she became a teenager she's felt _awkward_ more and more, a feeling that got even worse when she came to Hope's Peak. She didn't want to be a teenager, she didn't understand them and she hated it, but hate is an emotion too and that's just further proof that _she's still Maki Harukawa_.

* * *

_Maki never understood what she meant to the other kids until it was too late. It was her role, it was her responsibility and she did it without complaining or realizing what she was to them._   
  
_You’re four years old and you learn how to use a knife and fork and brush your teeth by copying what Maki does. If there's scary noises outside she never complains when you sleep in her bed._

_You're five years old and Maki already knows all the letters and numbers, so she’s the one you go to. She’ll point out the ones you’ve done wrong and how to make it easier in a way that seems obvious to her, so you can catch up with the rest of the class. Maki knows everything._

_You’re six years old and Maki’s the one who teaches you how to cartwheel and then, after that, explains what baby teeth are. You don’t hold it against her._

* * *

**Peko Pekoyama** found it easier to think in a two-dimensional world of black and white, good and bad, yes or no logic. She was Peko Pekoyama, she was raised to be the sword and shield of **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu**. She was happy with that, because he meant the world to her and _he'd said the same thing back_.

Fuyuhiko told Peko that he never wanted a bodyguard, she cried, and then she smiled. He cried too, but he also swore a bit. They didn't kiss, but they had a mutual understanding that one day they just might. It's _almost_ like a fairy tale ending until ~~Fuyuhiko~~ the Young Master's sister died. At that point it became very clear to the family that he DID, in fact, need a bodyguard. The violence was already escalating in those days. Child death rates had been rising for years, it was in all the papers. Luckily he already had an obedient bodyguard and that had never changed in the slightest, as far as the family was aware. There was a debate over pulling them both out of Hope's Peak before it was decided that the Kuzuryu didn't show fear or take lightly to intimidation.

The likely murderer's motives were unknown to all but her, but it didn't really matter because Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu had already killed Sato in revenge, presumably with his own two hands. Honor was fulfilled.

* * *

_A young teenager is murdered in cold blood. She was a sweet girl who liked painting watercolors, collected stickers and didn't know her dad was in the yakuza. An instant, painless death but a murder nonetheless. Her friends and mother are inconsolable, but at this point they leave our story. They have no proof, but her father's underlings believe it was done by a rival clan to send him a message. He doesn't want a gang war, but he swears revenge nonetheless. An eye for an eye, a daughter for a daughter. A lot of kids were dying those days, it was really tragic._

_The third party his underlings hired was very thorough in making sure nobody could trace it back to them. Now their boss is as cold-hearted as they needed him to be._

* * *

Some Ultimates are born, some are raised and some are made. They made Maki Harukawa the Ultimate Assassin in approximately eleven thousand hours, or just over fifteen months. This might not sound like a lot when you put it like that, but she went through the crash course and in that time it never ended. They put you on stimulants so you can't sleep and you can't pass out even when your body stops being able to move. When you do sleep you never know when it's going to be. In the sleep they put the headphones on to fill your head with instructions and words you retain before you understand. Break a bone, keep walking. Lose a tooth, keep fighting. If you can't avoid the knife then make sure it stabs you where you know it won't be lethal and thank the instructor. Eleven years old is the ideal time in a child's development to make them learn to hate themselves and always be obedient. Maki never gave up because Maki never, ever quits. She made it through faster than anyone else ever had or would because she was the best ever. _Even then it was a month too late._

She only bought her friend fourteen months of life. That’s just over a year, and when she finds out this _wasn’t_ some plan from the society to hurt her psychologically and it really _was_ an accident she finally breaks in a way she didn't before. At least she died happy, after a year without too much pain. That's all anyone can ask, really. It was fifteen months, she was ten years old, she didn’t know what she was getting into, she never gave up and every hour of it _hurt so much_. She permanently returned to the orphanage two months later and cared for the children, that none of them ever have to follow after her. It's her duty.

When the people from Hope's Peak found out what had been done to Maki they were absolutely appalled. The girl was extraordinary and probably would have become the Ultimate Child Caregiver anyway, but the fact that some _second-rate murder cult_ had turned her into the Ultimate Assassin within _only 15 months_ meant that they needed to redouble their efforts and study what had been done to her intensely. A lot of kids were already disappearing back then. 

* * *

_You're seven years old and Maki teaches you moves you shouldn’t know, just in case they DO try and beat you up again. It’s a special secret between the two of you._

_If you’re eight years old Maki’s the one who tells you that you were wrong, it's your fault and then she tells you off in a way that makes you feel so ashamed that you never, ever do it again._

_If you’re nine years old Maki’s the one who explains that it isn’t your fault and it's the adults who did it to you that were wrong._

* * *

When Peko Pekoyama first met Maki Harukawa she came within a hair's breadth of killing Makoto Naegi, Teruteru Hanamura, Himiko Yumeno, Chisa Yukizome and Gonta Gokuhara. Nobody but the two of them realised it at the time and Maki fully understood, but that didn't make Peko feel any better. Hope's Peak was holding a little meet and greet dinner between all the Ultimates to welcome the arrival of Class 78-B, who ended up being the last class ever. It felt a little awkward to her, but Peko always felt awkward in most situations when she wasn't fulfilling her duty as ~~her Young Master~~ Fuyuhiko's ~~tool~~ bodyguard because she never really new what to do with herself or "act natural". She tried her hardest, but playing the role of a regular (by Hope's Peak standards) schoolgirl was always uncomfortable for her no matter how much she practiced. What she strongly suspected was that it would always have been that way for her even if she was given a regular life, but a tool doesn't need a psychiatrist and at this point she's not exactly to find anything closer than Korekiyo Shinguji. 

She drank her fruit punch in the corner alongside the Ultimate Cosplayer, who seemed pleasant. There was a mutual understanding that they'd both given up on making conversation. Fuyuhiko was engaged in an animated discussion with Gundham Tanaka and the Ultimate Entomologist (who's name she had yet to learn). Fuyuhiko gestured slightly too widely and accidentally bumped his elbow into the Ultimate Child Caregiver, who seemed to be walking towards the bathroom. When there's any sudden movement near ~~Fuyuhiko~~ Young Master the training she's had drilled into her since before she could walk reflexively kicks in. She can't help it. He apologized, the girl says it's fine but then pauses for a second and her eyes lock with Peko's. They're almost the same shade of red. Peko forgets to breathe in and doesn't even realise that she's dropped her cup because she recognizes what the other girl is now

* * *

_-ASSASSIN TRAINED ASSASSIN KILLER IMPERCEPTIBLE NO FIREARMS PROTECT THE YOUNG MASTER MAKI KNIFE POSSIBLE OH PLEASE GUN POSSIBLE OH PLEASE FIVE FEET FOUR INCHES TALL I HAVE REACH ADVANTAGE CAN’T CLOSE THE DISTANCE PLEASE OH GOD NO STAY CALM SHE’S NOT THE ULTIMATE CHILD CAREGIVER REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING CUT DOWN FIVE PEOPLE MINIMUM TO REACH HIM ACCEPTABLE NUMBER OF VICTIMS I WILL FULFILL MY DUTY YOUNG MASTER PLEASE OH NO OH NO OH NO I WILL FULFILL MY DUTY HELP HIM SAVE HIM FUYUHIKO YOUNG MASTER PLEASE FEEL THE SWORD GRIP ONE FLUID MOTION FULFILL YOUR DUTY A TOOL HAS NO REMORSE A TOOL FULFILLS IT'S PURPOSE OH PLEASE BE OK ASSASSIN ASSASSIN I'M SORRY I'M SORRY--_

* * *

There is no immediate attack. Maki could have killed her Young Master right then and there, but she didn't.

Maki's eyes darted almost imperceptibly fast between The Young Master and Peko. _She's anxious, too. GOOD._ She knows if she steps a foot out of place then her life's going to be measured in seconds. Peko doesn't relax or release her tension, but at the very least she knows that Fuyuhiko isn’t the girl’s target and he’s not a hostage. There's more than one kind of assassin, but you don't send one like her unless you want the target dead. They each take an unblinking step towards each other, Maki's body language shifting in a way that's imperceptible to anyone BUT Peko (usually it's the other way around). The message reads _"WARNING: I AM A THREAT. IF YOU ATTACK ME I WILL ATTACK YOU. FIRST."_

Then, suddenly, the moment was over. The astronaut takes a hold of the assassin's arm and enthusiastically drags her off to meet some of his new friends while she yells "Hey! let go of me!". He doesn't. That's convenient, because if Peko doesn't have to kill her then she doesn't have to kill every student and staff member in her way to reach her in the minimal amount of time. Suddenly ~~her Young Master~~ Fuyuhiko is _staring_ at Peko because she's acting _weird_ again and she didn't realize she had dropped her drink. Oh no. Oh no. She excuses herself and runs back to her dorm, where she throws up and starts shivering in her bed like she hasn't done since she was nine years old and first killed somebody. She grips her sword's handle and feels it in her palm, focusing on the texture over and over again. 

_She didn't even notice her_ until she could have _killed him instead of killing her._

* * *

_Another yakuza leader's daughter is murdered. She was talented, but not talented enough, and certainly not popular among her peers. Trouble at school means that she had more than one rival who could plausibly have wanted her dead. It certainly looks like an improvised crime of passion done by some pervert, but who can tell? Regardless, with her death a looming gang war is waylaid by a couple of months, saving dozens of lives.  
_

* * *

For the next week Maki doesn't avoid Peko and Peko doesn't ignore Maki. They're just _coincidentally_ never in the same place at the same time until they mutually ambush each other in one of the bathrooms. Peko enters first and locks the door so there'll be no interruptions and Maki can't get out. Maki silently comes in through the vents, landing in the next stall so Peko doesn't even know she's there. Even among instruments of murder there's etiquette to be observed. The diplomacy is terse. Businesslike.

"Peko Pekoyama. Ultimate Swordswoman. I'm a tool of Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu."

"Maki Harukawa. Ultimate Assassin, Ultimate Child Caregiver. I belong to the Holy Salvation Society."

"Is it truly possible to be both?"

"They control the orphanage. My duties mean that I have to obey my orders."

"I understand. You _belong_ to them in a different sense than I do."

"Are you loyal to the Kuzuryu Clan?"  
  
"You already understood my wording. Above everything I'm loyal to Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu."

"I see. As it currently stands your master isn't under any immediate threat from me."

"I'm glad. Are you loyal to the Holy Salvation Society?"  
  
 _"...they can go fuck themselves."_

They each exit their respective cubicle and turn to briefly face each other, but neither stops doing so and neither can say anything. All they can do is silently stare for minutes while their brains grind to a halt. They've only seen each other a couple of times before now, but now there's a much deeper sense of recognition. Peko can't put the words to it (and hates herself for being so inarticulate, so Maki's the one who turns away first and breaks the silence. She usually would be, because Peko is Peko.

"We're... _the same_ , aren't we?"

"I believe so. I think it would be good to talk later."

"I agree."

"I'll meet you on the roof-top at 6:00 PM"

"Fine." And that was that. They both leave feeling an emotion they can't process yet.

* * *

_You're ten years old and Maki’s the cool big brother and big sister you always wanted in a single package. Maki can do everything better than anyone!_   
  
_You’re eleven years old and Maki always seems more mature than everyone else at the orphanage, so you imitate everything Maki does and start to help out so you can be more like her._   
  
_You’re twelve years old and Maki’s the only one with the guts to tell you the truth about what happened to your parents. and you respect her for it. She doesn’t care if you cry but she also doesn’t care that you’re crying_

* * *

"This feels...awkward. Do you feel that? This is just the first time I've ever done something like this, you know?" Maki tugs at her hair. She knows it's a bad habit, but she can't help it. It makes her feel like a child, which she hates because she understands children and if she were a child she'd _understand_ what had been done to her, but she _can't_. They haven't exchanged more than fifty words in the half an hour they've been here and instead they just keep staring at each other because it's kind of like looking in a mirror, to them. They know just enough from looking at each other and not looking at themselves that there isn't really a lot that needs to be said that wouldn't just be wasted time.

" I _always_ feel awkward here. I think I understand what you mean. The astronaut, Kaito. Are you in a relationship with him?" 

"Yes and no. It's complicated."  
  
"I see. I'm...not good with complications."

"It's OK. Do you mind if I ask you about Fuyuhiko?"  
  
"That depends on what you want to ask."  
  
"Is Fuyuhiko good?"  
  
"In what sense?"  
  
"Would he have survived?"  
  
"I would have protected him."  
  
"Would the _good_ have survived?"  
  
"Either way."

_Oh, so it's like that then. That makes sense. I'm glad for you, Peko Pekoyama. I think. We both know it could have been worse._

"Peko, would you...like to come over to my room tonight? I think that would be nice. I rearranged it so it should be more comfortable for...people like us. The bed's in a more defensible position than the standard setup and I think with two of us we shouldn't have to worry about any sudden approaches. The...the angles are right, if you understand?"

"I think that would be agreeable."

When they got there they start talking about things only Maki and Peko would ever understand, but they didn't need to use many words because both of them already knew. Years after the training was meant to have killed the girl inside them they become childhood friends having a sleepover.

* * *

_One of the students who found the body takes some photographs and suspects there's more to it. She confronts one of her friends, who desperately denies it even though her friend's evidence points to her. Her friend decides to believe her, but she turns up dead the next day. She tries not to think about it again for a long time. The brother found the photographs, but his involvement can't be proven and the authorities know better than to ask questions. Honor is restored and everything's tied up in a neat little bow._

* * *

"Winter was just starting on my first night of training. They took me out onto the lake in a boat and then pushed me into the water. It's not the hypothermia that kills most people-"  
  
"-but the shock, I know."

"Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. I almost managed to swim back to the shore before they had to fish me out. Once I could move my fingers again they sailed me onto the lake and pushed me back in. They did that every night. Weighted clothing. That's what I still think about."

...

“If you could be anything else, what would you be?”  
  
“I _can’t_ imagine being anything else. And you?”  
  
"I don't know."

...

"They used to come in with pepper spray when I was sleeping to make sure I could always sense their approach."  
  
"They used a cattle prod for me. And when it woke me up they'd always say-"  
  
 _""No screaming.""_ That one was pretty funny. To them, anyway. In hindsight. Perhaps you had to have been there. It was good to have someone to share jokes with.

...

"You're a person, aren't you?"  
  
"I think you are too."  
  
"That's good to know."

...

"I was ten when they started my training."  
  
"I see. I never got to be ten. Maybe _that's_ why I'm different. How was it?"  
  
"I was a fast learner." 

* * *

_You’re thirteen years old and Maki’s the only one here you can go to for advice that you know won’t rat you out. She seems more distant than she used to be, but you'll always remember her fondly._   
  
_You're fourteen years old and Maki always thinks she's so mysterious and cool. Whatever._   
  
_You’re fifteen years old you don’t understand who Maki is or was any more, you don’t need her anyway and you tell yourself you never really did in the first place. Who cares._

* * *

Peko and Maki are sleeping together again. Or, rather, they’re staying awake in the same bed and staring at the ceiling. “We used to sleep in the same bed, until he turned six.”  
  
“When there's a thunderstorm some of the kids sleep in my bed until they're eight or nine. I mean, before this. You know, when I was a kid I had this friend. We used to play house...I was the father and she was the mother.”

"Was she happy when she died?" She doesn't have to ask if she's dead or not. They hold hands and grasp them together tightly.

"I think so. It was her or me and I chose for it to be me. It hurt a lot." They cling to each other in an embrace so firm you'd think they were hardened warriors instead of just sad kids.

 ~~Her Young Master~~ Fuyuhiko asks about Maki the next day when she checks in on him. "Are you and Harukawa shacking up?" He was trying to sound casual about it, like he already knew the answer. It was because he cared so much that he tried to sound like he didn't care. She understood that. Feigned casualty. "B-because if so then that's OK! But...I'd...I'd like to know, because of us, y'know?"  
  
"We are sleeping together. But there is no sex involved. We're... friends. I would prefer not to talk about it." She blushes.

"Well, that's...I'm fuckin glad, you know? That you've made a friend. Real fuckin' glad one of us has." He doesn't pry. He trusts Peko more than he trusts himself, but if he found out she were able to lie to him convincingly then that would honestly make him even happier. 

* * *

_There's a girl who someone thought it would be advantageous to get rid of, but he felt it was more of a yakuza job. He ended up passing away from unrelated causes a couple of weeks later, but he'd already payed even though nobody else knew about it. The unmarked car comes hurtling down the street and it would have hit a startled girl if the other one hadn't jumped in and pushed her out of the way. If she didn't jump there was someone secretly waiting behind her to give her a shove and say that she did anyway, but thankfully it didn't come to that._

_In the underworld it's believed that dying to save an innocent's life's the type of thing that automatically gets you into heaven. It's a merciful, kind death, the nicest they can provide. It's still death. It wouldn't be right to involve any outsiders, of course, so they arrange with yet another party to provide a sacrifice for her to push out of the way. The yakuza leader's daughter is in the car's passenger seat, learning an important lesson. She won’t tell anyone._

* * *

It was still possible to leave Hope's Peak and maybe get back in, but at this stage nobody knew when that would end and it probably wasn't worth the risk. The countdown's measured in days and not weeks. Maki talks to Peko, who definitely isn't wearing a wire to let Fuyuhiko in on the discussion. Maki feels no guilt for what she's about to do, because she has no other options. Whatever it takes, no matter what the cost. Begging was nothing.

"The Holy Salvation Society are planning to attack the Kuzuryu Clan in three days as part of a larger simultaneous operation. They have a chemical weapon and they wish to bring about what they believe to be the end of the world."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I can't intervene. They have the children. _I can't disobey any direct orders_."

"Are you asking me for a favour?"  
  
"I don't need you to kill anyone. Just take these papers to a third party you trust and get them to hand it to someone else, who can pass them to Kiyotaka Ishimaru and Byakuya Togami. Please. If they trace this back to me _they'll do everything to the orphans that they did to us_ before they kill them."

"...is there anything else you need?"

"I need someone to go to the orphanage and prevent anything from happening."

"If you get orders do you intend to carry them out?"  
  
" _Please_. _They're children."_

* * *

_Everything went better than expected. She'd called in every favor she had and, apart from the world ending, it had seemingly payed off. The rest of the society had either died due to either an ambush caused by the plans she had leaked or committed suicide. The Togami Corporation would have taken over the orphanage's funding in exchange for some of the blackmail material on their competitors she'd accrued over her now hopefully former career. It was all useless in the long run, but it meant she'd made the right decisions for the kids' future._

_The final letter she'd received from the government indicated that if there was any place safe left in Japan other than Hope's Peak they would have made it there. She wished she could have seen them again one last time, but given the circumstances it was probably too risky, especially given everything she'd achieved for them so far. She'd done everything she could for them and hopes the brats remember her, if they're alive. She doesn't cry, because she's the one who doesn't cry when they're crying. Even if they're not her kids any more._

* * *

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu is on relatively good speaking terms with Maki, who he _now_ understands to be the Ultimate Assassin. They've had dinner together a number of times with Peko, who's also the issue that's been looming over their heads for the last few months. He knows The Talk with Maki is approaching and whatever's coming for him _he deserves every minute of for what's been done_. He _tells_ himself he didn't notice what _his family_ was doing to the girl he never didn't have right by his side but he _thinks_ he might be lying to himself because of how normal it seemed at the time. Peko used to be so weird and funny and then she couldn't even look him in the eyes or talk to him like a human being instead of her "Young Master".

It got better, for a time, and he was honestly never happier in his life. But after Natsumi died the whole world went to shit and Peko had regressed into old habits. She still called him Fuyuhiko, _but only because he wanted her to_ and he could tell it made her uncomfortable. Nobody was comfortable here and now they'd been locked down here two months and he didn't know what to do with her or for her. They loved each other, but they never couldn't love each other and the thought of that made his stomach churn because _Peko didn't ever have a choice_. She had friends now, she had...whatever Maki was, but it wasn't enough and _she wasn't healthy_. He misses his sister and he misses Peko.

* * *

_There were a lot of families with a lot of children it would be convenient to get rid of. If the girl dies then they have many heirs more suitable for the role and if she lives then she also learns a valuable lesson about her own expendability. She knows that stupid car was meant for her. Her maidservants, who just happened to ever so conveniently be looking away when she nearly got hit, quickly shy her away from the girl who died to save her life and she didn’t even get her name. Not that it matters, because she was probably just an actor anyway. And even if she wasn't pushed she could probably have just made it because she's so light on her feet. The family arranged this to get rid of her, but she won't ever die and she won't let them push her around. To avoid being targeted she learned to walk without making a single sound. She vows that one day she’ll grow taller, meaner and crush anyone who gets in her way like she’s crushing an ant.  
  
They were always going to be intertwined with each other in some way, shape or form._

* * *

Peko knows Maki's about to meet with her ~~Young Master~~ Fuyuhiko. To talk about her. _Without her present_. She doesn't say anything and she knows Maki wouldn't apologize if she asked.

"I haven't looked at my phone in months."  
  
"Why would you? There hasn't been any reception in months."

"When I open the phone there'll be a message on it. It contains my final orders from the The Society."

"Do you intend to carry them out?"  
  
"My conditioning won't allow me to disobey the orders. Post-hypnotic suggestion. I've delayed it for long enough, but I need to go through with this sooner or later."  
  
"What do you think's going to happen?"  
  
"I'm most likely going to try and kill myself like all the rest of them. _You_ can't stop me."

"I'll _try"._

"...I have a list of people you'll need. These are the ones I can trust. Avoid Kokichi. Tell them to meet with me here after I'm done talking to Fuyuhiko and I'll explain the rest to them."

* * *

_When Maki was pretending to be an ordinary middle school student she had to read a book called "1984". Maki knew what Room 101 was, she'd been in there before and she didn't flinch or quit or give her friend up to them even when the rats went at her face. It wasn't rats for her, just an old lake filled with cold water they push you into again and again. Anything else was just a sign that you were weak. She never quits._

* * *

When Maki visited Fuyuhiko's lab she wore her slippers and pyjamas. The students had eventually found that dressing up like they still actually had stuff to do helped to motivate them move during the day, but this still wasn't too unusual to see for students who weren't Maki. It was weird, down to the fact that she even owned pyjamas in the first place. Her hair was down and nearly reached the floor, which made her look a whole lot shorter than she already was. She'd clipped her nails down past her fingertips. 

The Ultimate Yakuza's lab was visually impressive, even by lab standards. A shadowy desk behind bulletproof glass, with a vault-style door behind it leading to an antique furnished tatami room. A western-style mafia don at the front, a clan leader in the back. She'd been in the back before once or twice, but never in such formal circumstances (not that she was dressed formally, anyway). Maki had met all kinds of Yakuza and knew how to deal with most of them, but only using knives. The Ultimate Yakuza's wearing his full regalia today. Pinstripe suit, hat, tie, lapel pin, stupid hat tipped over his head. In the shadowy lighting it makes his expression unreadable in the most dramatic way, which must be on purpose. The glass is bulletproof and Maki has no pockets to carry anything in, but they both know that if she was actually here for combat she could probably still find a way to kill him.

Maki takes a deep breath. It's even more important that formalities be observed when you might be the only assassin and the only yakuza left on the planet. That's just how it went. "We need to talk about Peko. Among other things"

"If that's what you want to talk about then I suppose you'd better come on in." He sighs and takes his feet off the desk, gesturing for her to come in through the door. A grenade blast wouldn't have been able to break through it, but he hadn't actually bothered to lock it. With her hair down and his hat and shoes on he doesn't actually actually look any shorter than her, which is irritating. They kneel down across from each other at the coffee table. He takes off his hat but still looks down, away from her face. He's trying to make himself harder to read. They discussion's going to have to start terse, like the first time Maki and Peko chatted. That's how it had to go "So, why do you want to talk about _Peko?_ She's not my responsibility."

"Let's not lie to each other. You and I both know that's not true."

"And what about you? You seem to be spending a lot of time with her, you're very close. You've been... sleeping with her, haven't you?" He doesn't necessarily say it in an accusatory way, but the implication's still there because they need to clear it up anyway. Make it perfectly clear to each other exactly where things stand before they get down to the real meat and bones.

"We tried it in the sense you mean once, but it was _uncomfortable_. We've both been _trained_ in that area and didn't wish to continue. _Extensively_." He blanches. That's good, because it means he's smart enough to know _exactly_ what kind of a situation he's been trapped in. It speaks well of him.

* * *

_Fuyuhiko remembers the first time he and Peko tried to get intimate. Halfway through he realised it was going too smoothly and almost threw up when he realised the lack of awkwardness was because his family had prepared her for this, for him. She doesn't deny it and doesn't understand why he's started to hyperventilate._

* * *

"Do you think she would have gotten any better if I wasn't here?"

"No... I don't think so. She was slowly coming out of her shell a little bit and then suddenly she wasn't. Some family stuff happened and I think she hit her limit. She shut down and never properly came back again. My sister was killed here. At Hope's Peak."

"That's the other thing I need to talk to you about. There are still some things I want to clarify about that situation." His fists suddenly clench and his expression changes. He bares his teeth and shows the _anger_ a yakuza member's supposed to hold within them.

" _The fuck_? What does it have to do with you?" The wound is still raw, but it was still one she needed to prod. For the first time he almost looks a little dangerous. 

"That's not important. I'm just clearing up a couple of loose ends so we can better understand each other. Did you know Mahiru keeps every photo she's ever taken? Do you know what else she does? _She takes notes._ She's pretty good at figuring this stuff out. _She kept a diary_."  
  
"Wh-what _the fuck_ are you implying?" He suddenly starts to tremble. His face turns pale, the tough guy facade is already crumbling before it even really had a chance to begin. An instant reversal.  
  
"Sato _lied_. Or maybe she didn't. I don't know why she did it or what she said, but I'm sure she didn't kill your sister." His fancy Yakuza outfit with the padded shoulders makes him look like a little kid playing dress-up and Maki _knows_ how to deal with them. She can read him like an open book. 

"... _please don't say anything else_." He's whimpering, now. The knife's already in his stomach but it's one she needs to twist before removal it because _she needs this to hurt him as much as it can_. They tortured her, so he can take it unless he's even weaker than she thought. Get it over and done with and he'll thank you later.

"And I think _you_ lied too _._ You _didn’t_ kill Sato, did you? The reason you're _nothing_ like us and you don't understand _anything_ is because _you call yourself the Ultimate Yakuza even though you haven't killed anyone at all, little boy_." 

"She said she _murdered my sister_ and _I couldn't do it_. And I couldn't tell Peko to do it for me, either. Then when I got home they said she was _dead_ and my parents _congratulated_ me. They hugged me and said I was a man and that I'd done the right thing and _she was our age_." He starts sobbing and can't talk for a while. If he'd gone through with it this would be a whole lot easier, but Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu was never really cut out for the family business. He wasn't hard enough to do what duty said he should have done.

* * *

_Peko thinks there's a Maki Harukawa (caregiver), Maki Harukawa (assassin) and Maki Harukawa (the real one). There's Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, (Kuzuryu Clan Head, Young Master) as well as Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu (classmate) and Fuyuhiko (boy she grew up with). There's only ever been one Peko Pekoyama (tool) and even that was stretching it. She couldn't be normal and she can't live without him there.  
  
She sometimes dreams she's a bird who never learned to fly and learned to be happy walking in the shadows of the other bird' wings_

* * *

“I...I didn't think Peko did it either, but I couldn't ask because she wouldn't lie to me and what if she did. Sato was _our age. She was friends with people I knew._ ”

“ _ **I’VE** **killed more than one girl around our age.**_ ” That one hangs in the air for a good few seconds.

"Don't tell me anything else. _Please_." His voice is small, now.  
  
" _I wasn't planning to._ Mahiru doesn't know any of this. Tell her whatever you want if you're up to it, but this isn't your responsibility to bear."

"I know...it’s Peko, isn’t it?"

"I hope the guilt never goes away. You're going to need to take responsibility and live with what's been done to her for the rest of your life because you're the reason they turned her into what she is, now. Unlike you, she's killed because of you and lives with it."

“She hasn’t killed for me, I never-”  
  
“She's killed _because_ of you. If she doesn't feel the guilt then it's your responsibility to feel it for her. Man up.”

“ _She was getting better_. Now the world's fucking ended and she keeps getting worse and I don't know what the fuck I can do for her! We're the only ones left and I used to think she was all I needed, but now we're hurting each other even though we don't want to. What should I _do?_ "

"And _I'm_ meant to know how to answer that? If _you_ want to fix her _that's your problem_... I'm sorry. I only know how to take care of children, but once you start growing up things become...complicated. It's _awkward_ and I stop being able to understand everything."

* * *

_Sometimes when Maki sleeps with Peko she just curls up into her chest and starts crying like she couldn't do when she was playing the child caregiver or the assassin. She's thinking about the murders, the training she went through and the friend who didn't. She's thinking about the cold water._

_Peko Pekoyama pulls her arms around Maki, stares at the ceiling and thinks. Now she has two people she loves in the world. She makes both of them cry when they think about her, but she can't cry about herself because that's just who she is._

* * *

They're sitting back to back, facing away from each other with hands around their knees. There's no anger any more. Just a sort of awkward grieving for all three of them. "I want her to be Peko again. She falls back into being my tool whenever something bad happens and I don't think she's comfortable _being_ anything else any more. I can't order her to not do that because it makes _her_ feel worse. I just want her to be Peko again. You never got the chance to meet the real one. Nobody here has. There was a Maki like that too, wasn't there?” 

"Yeah. I was ten when I stopped being a child and took on my responsibilities."

"She never got the chance to turn ten. I got a birthday party."

"I've never had a birthday party. I don't even know if it's my real birthday"

" ...do you want one this year? It's not like we've got anything else going on in this place. We can give you a new birthday and have it whenever we want. Both of you." He almost smiles a little bit at the suggestion.

"I have some... things I need to this afternoon. More loose ends I need to tie up. I might not be around for a while. You understand?"   
  
"...I see. I'll pray for your success in whatever you're trying. We'll talk about it again the next time I see you." He understands exactly what she means. It's her decision and he has no right to stop her if that's what she wants to do. "I'll take care of Peko." 

"Peko could have been anything and her life could have been better, but it wasn't." She gets up and gives him one of her annoying little smirks. "It also could have been a lot worse. It's not her fault she needs you, but she has you. I've met a lot of worse people in our line of business. If we see each other again we'll all drink together and try to smile."

* * *

_Tenko's already grabbed her arms and sweeps the leg. She deliberately slams her head down again and again once they hit the floor, nose crunching with blood because the blankets she put down beforehand weren't thick enough. Gonta grabs her jaw. She can bite his fingers, but not her tongue. Peko has to line up her shot and wait for Kaito to stumble out of the way. Maki kicks backwards with her right leg like an angry rabbit, but Tenko's hold only grows tighter and Maki's foot lands wrong, bending askew. There's an uncomfortable popping sound and Maki's shoulders somehow dislocate on their own, one hand's fingers double-puncturing the Ultimate Aikido Master's thigh. Tenko screams, but she doesn't let up the hold and now Maki's joints are crackling._

_Peko's bamboo sword finds it's target. Maki's knocked unconscious. Angie unlocks the door and jams a rolled up cloth in Maki's mouth after gently plying out Gonta's fingers. Tenko whimpers, her blood pooling into the fabric of Maki's pyjamas while Gonta extracts her from her own hold. She can read all of her opponent's emotions and thinks about how hard it must have been for Maki when she passes out._

* * *

Maki's allowed to have visitors again now. There was an incident with Angie Yonaga a few days ago, but it turned out the blood was just some suspiciously red paint which Angie claimed was meant to be a "fun little metaphor to cheer her friend up". Whatever she said seemed to have affected Maki deeply, she cried for hours even after Mikan shooed Yonaga away. Angie was now visiting her on a daily basis. She gave hugs. Angie pointedly isn't trying to convert anyone, but she's nevertheless _very_ talented at forming little friendships and alliances. A political power base were it necessary for politics to occur in the future.

Peko sits by her bedside. Mikan's very good at her job and says Maki's nose is going to be just the same even though it was broken _very_ badly. Maki seems a lot smaller now that she's lying down in a hospital bed, like she's lost weight. She looks worn out now in a way she never was before. Peko looks at Maki and Maki just stares into nothing. Unusually, Peko is the one to break the silence. 

"I'm glad you're alive. It was good that you talked to him."

"Thanks, I think."

"You're not The Ultimate Assassin any more, are you?"

"Correct. I... don't think there's any children left for me to care for either, are there?"

"Probably not."

"Oh. I guess I'm just an orphan again."

They hold hands and don't look at each other for another five minutes until Peko can think of a way to word her question.  
  
"I...want to learn to be something else. I need something new to do. Do you... have any ideas?"

"Not really. Go talk to Angie about art classes. I'm sorry, I need some alone time. I would have phoned the orphanage around now. Thank you."

* * *

_Angie's not actually that good at teaching people art, but it turns out Hifumi Yamada actually was when it came to the world of all things 2D. He was also very happy for the company (of a girl, no less). Soda built her a little tablet, and when you did something wrong you could just go back a step, erase it and try again. Sometimes she got frustrated, and nothing she did was perfectly precise the way she was used to, but sometimes that was OK. It's how you get better. Peko made another good friend. It was nice._

* * *

Fuyuhiko holds Maki a little "surprise" birthday party when she gets out. It was entirely prearranged and Maki's been extensively briefed on what was going to happen beforehand, because actually trying to ambush Maki in any capacity when she's feeling skittish is the sort of thing that gets you hurt. There's a decent crowd and everyone does their best to avoid any touchy subjects. Everyone from the rescue attempt was in attendance, including Kaito (who lets Maki know that she can feel free to resume their relationship whenever she felt like it, which was _not right now_ ).

Sakura gives Maki a silent nod. Kaede says she tried to get Miu to make Maki a present, but it wasn't done on time. Miu says her present actually _was_ done on time but Kaede said it wasn't appropriate. She's still annoying, but it's been so long that the headache Miu gives her feels a little nostalgic now. Sayaka's in the corner having an animated discussion with Junko, Mikan and Mukuro _\- wait, I see._ They're always a tricky one, but they wanted to make their presence here as obvious as they could tonight. It's a gesture Maki's very grateful for. She understands and hopes she gets to meet them one day. They leave soon, now that they've made their presence known and Akane enters with Nekomaru (as silent as he can be) a minute later. She understands Nekomaru's been helping Tenko with her recovery. 

Maki still didn't know what her real birthday was, but there were a couple of other pre-apocalypse orphans there and it was good to be in company. Some had even been through this whole "don't-know-your-actual-birthday party" thing before. There weren't even any Monokubs there to spoil the mood. She shares a drink with Fuyuhiko and he shares an understanding with her. Peko joins them. It's nice for a time. Nobody has to say anything because they get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It'll take a while, but they'll all get better. The next chapter's probably going to be a lot more fun.**
> 
> This one took me a couple of days because I have some video editing stuff to do and I needed a way to procrastinate, you know? I'm still re-working the tags on this thing and still trying to edit, format a bunch of the old stuff so it's more to my liking. It'll be good soon. My apologies. One day there'll be a direction.
> 
> An answer's probably going to come up explicitly later, but I set up a tiny little mystery in chapter 3 that you should have all the pieces to solve the core of, now. Mikan went for the emotional jugular.
> 
> ####  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):**
> 
> _We can't have two Ultimate Detectives, so one of you has to leave. Kirumi's too polite to choose so let's just get Mahiru to figure it out. She's, like, the third best detective or whatever, right?_
> 
> _When you say stuff like "it's not rocket science" you're ignoring the fact that Kaito does actually know a lot about rocket science, quantum physics and plenty of other subjects._
> 
> _Miu can't hang out with that dumb bitch Kaede because she has to focus on impressing her girlfriend, Kaede, by building her a new piano to make up for the fact that she called her a dumb bitch five seconds ago._


	10. Beer & Soda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi Soda gets a job and a girlfriend. Mahiru wants a girlfriend but she hasn't got one yet.
> 
> A mysterious student is collaborating with Monokuma. But for what purpose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Kirumi gets a seriously nasty rope burn, which isn't overly described but it's still fairly rough. It's Kazuichi's chapter so there are going to be some OHS violations, a subject he cares very strongly about. If you want to skip it then stop reading when it says "Something had gone wrong" over to "MONOSUKE, RUN TO THE NURSE**
> 
> **Half the characters in this chapter are drinking beer and pelting beer cans at each other frequently enough that it doesn't need to be commented on.**
> 
> **The Monokubs are here!**
> 
> I accidentally posted a bunch of half-finished drafts, so ignore that if you saw it. You saw nothing.

#  **Beer & Soda**

##  **Scenes From the Life of a Working Class Ultimate**

* * *

_No, no, no, this is all wrong!”_ Kazuichi Soda was getting frustrated. Like, a lot, and not even in the way he used to when he cared about girls. Now that the Monokubs were here construction on the new Hope’s Peak _was_ slowly making progress again, but the Ultimate Mechanic was the best at building things there's ever been and The Monokubs were clearly not designed for building stuff to his rigorous safety standards. And if there was some kind of an Ultimate Construction worker? Well, he was probably dead anyway along with all of the other jerks in the good Hope's Peak building or, like...everybody in the outside world, maybe. Probably.  
  
“IS-THERE-SOMETHING-WRONG-WITH-THE-DESIGN-FOR-THE-STRAWBERRY-HOUSE-TOWER?” That was Monodam, the green one. Monodam could usually be dealt with, unlike his brothers and sister. The last he’d heard Monosuke was just looking for ways to make Monocoins through gambling on Ultimate Fights, but that didn’t even make sense because the economy system was set up by Monokuma in the first place and _didn’t even have reason to exist!_ Nothing in this place made sense, when you think about it from a logical perspective. Man, they should totally do, like...communism down here. Sometimes he felt like he was the only hard working guy left!  
  


“The design’s fine from, like, a _technical_ perspective and the walls all fit together this time, but there are several _clear_ safety hazards and I’m not really sure what you guys are trying to accomplish? What’s the point of this entire weird building section instead of, like...making a lab for Nekomaru or somethin’? Is it some kind of hotel? Speaking of which, why IS there a love hotel in here?”

“...”

“Oh, great, now you’re the silent robot again? Look, you guys need to get your act together or I’m going to have to build this thing myself, _seriously_!” He sighed, wiping his brow and exchanging sweat for grease. “I’m not even sure how I ended up as, like, the foreman on this thing but I’ll see you all tomorrow, OK?” He rolled up the floor plans and sighed. The place was like a damn labyrinth.  
  
“SO-LONG. BEAR-WELL!” Whatever. The Monokubs are all jerks.

That night at dinner (he’s pretty sure Akane would have descended to cannibalism if not for Teruteru) Kazuichi Soda specifically does _not_ look at Sonia Nevermind two tables across, because he’s gotten over her and he’s fine and realizes that _if_ there’s any minute chance of her getting back into him in the future he’s got to ease off for _at least_ a couple of months. Or see how this beard grows in over the next week or two, anyway. But that’s not important! He's got some announcements to make.

_**“** ATTENTION EVERYONE! KAZUICHI HAS SOME IMPORTANT NEWS! PLEASE REMAIN SILENT UNTIL THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO APPLAUSE. THANK YOU!”_

“Thanks Taka. OK guys, to start off I have some good news! Uhh…” Soda was never good with public speaking and aTaka rendering the room dead silent had somehow made it five times more awkward.

“Lube your fucking throat instead of your dick and speak clearly for once, jerk-off! Maybe if you do that you can finally crush some fucking muff!” Thanks, Miu. Oh, a thumbs up. He guesses that was genuinely meant to be encouraging? 

“First, let's talk about research labs! After some delays due to reinforcing the cheap concrete they used to build this place we have, like, _three_ NEW labs that are safe to use, so congratulations to Chihiro, Fuyuhiko aaand, let’s see here, Hiyoko? Man, I just assumed that one was for Peko. 

Nagito, your lab is kind of fucked up so I’m going to take a look at it in a couple of days to see if I can clear it for safe entry. I’ve been able to clarify that Aoi’s lab _isn’t_ the pool, but it’s probably going to be built next to the pool soon and Kaede’s lab _is_ the room with the piano key door, buuuut we can’t get in there because the door frame’s all messed up. Monophanie has informed me that there’s another piano inside but to her it looked mostly the same as the piano you have now. There may also be some nice headphones

Anyway, I went over it with, like...the guys in the council and we’ve decided to give Celeste one of the new bedrooms next as soon as it’s available.” There was some discontented muttering, as people questioned who she had to blackmail to get that arranged. Alright. Here comes the bad news.

“HOWEVER! _Regretfully_ , due to the spread of black mold we’ve been forced to evacuate the six double bedrooms closest to the gym for those of you who aren’t already aware, so we’ve written a list we’ll hand out after this of everyone who’s going to have to figure out new sleeping arrangements. Kirumi will be organizing the clean-up efforts tomorrow with Keebo. Tsumugi’s still feeling unwell, but I think she’s making some sleeping bags for anyone who wants to sleep elsewhere or use their labs or something, if they have one. Sorry!"  
  
Hiyoko started pelting him with _gummies_ , which was just fantastic.

* * *

A couple of weeks later they started excavating through some old drywall and found what looked like some kind of cave, which in turn led to the first of many buried trial-ground elevators. It was still working. Rantaro was there with Nekomaru, along with Aoi and Mahiru. The latter two being there was fine, everyone gets bored, but it meant a lot less beer drinking going on than there'd usually be. “Look at this place! It’s like it’s set up as some kind of, like, circle-y student courtroom!” Aoi was right, but a courtroom wasn't really that unusual compared to some of the other stuff he'd found. One time there was, like, what looked like the entrance to a baseball stadium buried in rubble.

 **“Puhuhuhu! That’s because it is a student courtroom, for you guys to hold class trials!”** How was Monokuma always able to get here so fast? What feats of engineering made him able to bounce like he does? Why are there so many vents in this place and where do they all lead to?

“Wait, I’m running some murder mystery nights! Are we allowed to use these court rooms for that?”   
  
Monokuma pauses for a minute **“...yeah, sure, why not? Until the killing game starts there’s no rule against you entering the trial grounds outside of a class trial!”**

"Can you explain what a class trial is, if we were to hypothetically use one to create a cool murder mystery setup? Like, mechanically. I feel like it could really liven the place up." Rantaro's questions were always weird like that. Man, why was everyone talking about trials all of a sudden? They're maybe the last teenagers left alive and there are no laws to go on trial for! Nobody's going to murder anybody!  
  
 **"I don't know. Why are you kids so enthusiastic about simulating murders all of a sudden?"** Yeah! Monokuma's the one asking the right questions, like usual. Also, how come everyone's so into trials now? They're maybe the last sexy teenagers alive, there are no more laws to go on trial for breaking and nobody's going to murder anybody!  
  
"I was talking with some of the boys and we want to see who's a better Ultimate Detective between Shuichi and Kyoko, because it feels weird that we have two."  
  
 **"Anything else, Mahiru? Are you being _entirely_ truthful?"**  
  
"...and I really want Kyoko to win."  
  
 **"Well, I can't give you any exact definitions, but here are some ideas for how it might hypothetically go! Bears are very good experts at investigating murders..."**

* * *

_Kazuichi Soda had done what might actually be the most heroic thing in his life and now he was the one being treated with suspicion when he was the one who'd used his quick thinking to save her from further injury in the first place! Technically he was also probably responsible for it, but only in the very loosest sense of the word! He felt guilty about not being able to prevent it, but on the other hand this whole thing is a good example of why safety regulations are important, why the Monokubs can't be trusted to run a good construction site and why having him here's so important!_

* * *

Something had gone wrong with one of the platforms he was using to try and inspect the artificial sky roof on some kind of indoors picnic field he was about to clear for safety. He would have noticed whatever the structural damage there was ahead of time if he'd gone up himself, but it wasn't him. It was _Kirumi_ , who was helping him out in Akane's place because she was off doing something probably sports related with Nekomaru and Leon. And _something looked wrong with her safety harness._ He yelled as loud as he could for the Monokubs to come help as soon as he saw the strut buckle, but by that point it had almost tipped Kirumi over and he didn't understand because _he could have sworn he'd ticked off all that equipment the other evening._ Once a fuck-up, always a fuck-up, just like dad said.  
  
Kirumi _somehow_ managed to grab a hold of one of the steel cables around the platform with her usual precision, but that only saved her from falling to her death. What it didn't save her from was the cable itself grinding the fabric off of her gloves and then the skin off of her hand. Anyone who saw it would have said she'd held on too hard and for too long, but in the end that may have actually been what saved her. The rope dug in to her palms and Kirumi Tojo _screamed._ The stupid bears were able to somehow inflate and form a safe pile under her by the time she had to let go and drop to the ground. She was still screaming and there wasn't even blood _yet_. Then there was and oh my god the cable had _dug in._  
  
Kirumi would have been the best person to have here after Mikan if this had happened to anyone else, but she was the victim and the nurse was probably in her office right now so it was down to Kazuichi Soda. Luckily, unlike every other student around here, he actually knew something about proper safety procedures and how to handle them. All you had to do was ignore your dad's voice in the back of your mind asking about how you could call yourself good at safety when you just got a girl hurt in the first place. He was good at ignoring that voice and getting on with it. Kirumi was _screaming_.

"MONOSUKE, RUN TO THE NURSE'S LAB, LET HER KNOW THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT, EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED AND TELL HER TO _STAY THERE!_ MONOPHANIE, IF YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF ANTISEPTIC PUKE THEN USE IT _NOW_! IF NOT THEN FIND KYOKO, GONTA AND...MAHIRU OR SOMETHING. RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE AND ALSO STRONG ONES! MONOKID, MONOTARO, CARRY KIRUMI TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE _AS FAST AS YOU CAN!_ USE MONODAM AS A STRETCHER. MONODAM, COME BACK HERE ONCE YOU'RE DONE!"  
  
"But we're-" Kazuichi doesn't have time to listen to an entire sentence from Monotaro because his Monokub gimmick is bad.  
  
"ALL OF YOU DO IT NOW OR... _YOU'RE FIRED!_ "

 _"""FIRED!?!?!"""_ That seemed to do the trick. Sometimes a foreman has to put his foot down. Time seems to be moving weirdly as he paces back and forth, looking over the bent strut. That shouldn't have happened and her safety harness should have worked. Monophanie came back a minute later to let him know that she _doesn't_ have a healing puke and also that Kyoko's on her way with Gonta, Mahiru, Ryoma and Sakura. It's only then that he has time to breathe, notice that there's skin on the cable and puke along with the pink bear. If they can do their jobs without fucking it up with bad comedy routines then he'll have to speak with Monokuma and see if they can get a bonus at the end of the week.

* * *

_They used Monodam's extendable arms clinging to the ceiling as a makeshift cable to support themselves while doing emergency repairs to the platform and investigating what had occurred. Kazuichi couldn't look at the rope. He knew he'd ticked off all of the equipment and structures as safe two days before, which means this should have been fine. Did he really fuck up that badly? No, it couldn't have been. He also wasn't sure whether Kirumi's lacy safety helmet was regulation compliant, but she could be pretty stubborn about that sort of thing and at least she WAS wearing one. A message from Mikan said she was going to be alright and he knew he'd cry about that over tonight's beer._

* * *

It'd been a few hours and Kazuichi needed to sit down after coordinating this whole emergency incident for a good two hours, something he really wasn't suited to. Monokuma was there, although at least this time he didn't seem to oppose Kazuichi using his kids like employees. The others seemed to be conducting some kind of crime scene investigation, so he figured it might just be him and Gonta's turn to draw out some information about the school. "Monokuma, I have some questions about these, like, building sites and excavations I've been working on. Can you help me out here?"

**"As you ask, I shall answer! Puhuhu."**

"I'm gonna be honest, a lot about how this place is laid out _really_ doesn't make sense to me! It's almost like you've just nailed together a bunch of pieces from other places and then given it a cheap paint-job. What's the deal, are you trying to _save money_ by re-using parts from other schools? "  
  
 **“Yeah, basically. You got a problem with recycling, oil boy? Look, if we had more time to plan it properly this could have been the greatest Hope’s Peak Academy yet! It's sad, really.”**

“Wait, you mean there’s been more than-” Gonta suddenly stuck his hand out to shush Kazuichi. 

“Is _not_ good idea to ask Monokuma questions like that. It will probably result in less information in the end.” Huh, he was probably right about that. Guy had a point and was also, as it turns out, good with ropes. That'd been useful. "So... Gonta know sky coming out of windows _not_ real, but daylight still act real. We know real world been cut off, but is there no real daylight where we are?"

**"Hmm. There's currently no daylight outside of this academy, but that doesn't mean that won't change in the future. We've still mostly managed to emulate an accurate day/night cycle, but at the moment we can't really get weather going. If this was a virtual world things would be waaaay easier!"**

"What you mean ver-chew-ul world?"  
  
 **"It's what this place isn't. Wow, I really am making it easy for you kids this time!"**  
 **  
**Kazuichi's relieved that "trapped in a virtual world" can be crossed off his list of theories, but he's also pretty sure both Chiaki and Kyoko asked him directly about that before without recieving an answer. Is it because Gonta doesn't understand the virtual world or just because he didn't ask? Regardless, as Gonta ran over to help Kyoko retrieve the evidence cable Kazuichi took a deep breath and prepared to make his big power ploy. “I'm pretty sure I can help you get the weather going! Or at least some kind of indoor rain. Monokuma, look, I'm going to be honest. Everything you're building in this place just seems kind of...amateurish? Do you need some help making it work better? I don't know what you're planning, but I can promise that whatever it is I can get it going a lot quicker if you're willing to collaborate with me."

 **"Wow, that's bold! I never thought you of all people would have it in ya. I will carefully consider this offer for the future. Hang on, lemme just grab something.** Monokuma disappeared for a minute and handed over a portfolio full of schematics and architectural plans **"Lemme know if you have any ideas, but also keep our cooperation on the down-low. If you work with me here I'm willing to provide you with, shall we say, certain... special privileges when the game begins."** Kazuichi never really got what this whole "game" thing everyone's slowly started to obliquely reference and make backup plans in the case of is, but he _is_ excited about fixing up this place's layout and making sure he can relax. Knowing that he's helping to make everything a lot safer for everyone is it's own reward!

* * *

_"You can't use the shower, there's a girl in here!"_   
  
_"I'm a girl and so I guess I'll just use my shower, then!"_   
  
_"You don't count and that's not the problem! Don't use that shower either! Especially not that shower!"_

_"I don't remember anything going wrong last time, so why the fuck not?" Luckily the hose pressure was set to NON-BRUISING._

* * *

"I don't need it over the next few days, but if you could fix it by next week I would really appreciate it because I have a _lot_ of things I need to repair for people and the only other clothes we seem to be able to get any more are the ones from our old schools before we came-"  
  
Kazuichi's in the middle of a conversation with Tsumugi about fixing her sewing machine when Kyoko, Shuichi and the Sayaka Maizono enter to ask him some not unfriendly questions about Kirumi's accident like it was _his_ fault. That's Shuichi and two more girls, because girls just keep coming into his workshop when he hasn't taken a shower. Why did they even build those things in the first place? The logic was all wrong.

"Look, I just don't know why you're suspecting me of doing whatever caused this deliberately when I'm the one who saved her in the first place! I'll admit it happened on one of my work-sites, with equipment I'm meant to have checked, while I was... oh, I guess I _can_ see where you're coming from, but _I didn't do it!_ "

"Are you _sure_ you checked all the safety equipment and struts beforehand? This still could've been some kind of an accident." Kazuichi liked Shuichi, most people did, but the fact that so many people had asked him this already was getting _really_ aggravating. 

"I, I think I did...wait, I _know_ I did, two days before it happened. I try really hard not to mess these things up when I use them on site because people keep accusing _me_ whenever something goes wrong. Look over in that cabinet marked "Files 3." The most recently marked folder in there should have all the safety check records filled in and notarized by Monodam to prove I cleared it. So I'm in the clear, right?"  
  
"Not necessarily." It's Kyoko's turn now. "What if you lied about checking it when you filled in the files? And that's not all. I want to talk about this filing cabinet next to it, the one marked "Restricted Chemicals" Do you recognize this?" She holds up a jar of one of the chemical solvents he uses to remove that paint Ibuki and Rantaro were using to get high. It's been opened. If Kyoko weren't also wearing gloves right now Soda would have had to yell at her to be careful, because that stuff could make your skin blister in seconds. "We found some of this coating the cable. If Kirumi _weren't_ wearing gloves when she grasped it then she might not have been able to keep her hold on for as long as she did." Well, this didn't look good.  
  
"We also found this coating one of the ropes in the gym when we checked it the day afterwards. It would be easy for someone with your talents to get up there and coat it beforehand for a test run." Wait... that's wrong! He knows this one!

"That can't be possible, if you put that on the rope beforehand it'd just burn through the fibres overnight. I wouldn't make that kind of mistake. This is clearly a set-up made for it to _look_ like me! Also, I'd be _really_ happy if you put that jar down right now if you don't want to get your hands burnt."

"..." Kyoko pauses for a second with a slightly perturbed look on her face and puts the jar down on the bench. Shuichi and Sayaka exchange a look for some reason. "I see. I won't say you're in the clear just yet, but that's helpful information. Do you have any other evidence?"  
  
"No, but I was talking to Mikan and Kirumi about what happened before I went to bed that night, so I'm pretty sure I have a good alibi, right?" Sayaka nods, but he's not even sure why she's here helping them. On the other hand, since she's here he should probably try extra hard to help them find out who it is that sabotaged his worksite and come seriously close to destroying Monodam. "Hmm...If you want I can see if anything unusual shows up on the security cameras over the last few weeks. It might take a while, though. " _MIU, GET OUT HERE!_ "

  
The Ultimate Inventor exits _his_ shower, wiping toothpaste away from her lips. She looks disgruntled, but that's not unusual and she even has her shoes on this time. "What the fuck do you want? This busty, brainy beauty is _busy_ , as you can see. What the fuck are the dick-tectives and our favourite J-pop jailbait doing here?" She pauses for a second and blinks. "Wait, if _both_ of you are here then how serious _is_ this?"

Sayaka does that thing she always does where she just looks really genuinely interested in whatever you're doing instead of acknowledging whatever it was that was said to her. And maybe she was? It's always impossible to tell. "Wow, why do you guys have a shower in here? That looks really convenient!" Kazuichi's had this exact conversation many times before and therefore knows they don't have time for how long it always takes.

"We have _two_ showers in case a girl comes in here, she's using my shower because she built hers wrong and that's not important right now! Miu, could you bring up the security camera footage for the last few weeks?" The Ultimate Inventor groans, logs into the beaten up old laptop on her bench and starts swearing. 

"Hey! Someone's set this thing to delete all footage on this thing older than a day. The only camera still working's the one inside my shower!" Everyone decides to leave that one alone. "Kazuichi, are you sure you don't know anything about this? THE only people I can think of who'd be able to do this are me, you and Chihiro. I don't know whatever crime you're talking about, but even I gotta admit this guy's probably pretty capable at setting stuff up!"

"We're looking for information on who could have coated a rope in the gym with this solvent over the last fortnight. Do you know anything that could help us?" Shuichi again, doing his best to be tactful when dealing with the fractious inventor.

"Y-you think _I'm_ suspicious? I- _I don't even know where the gym is!_ "

Miu immediately starts panicking, like she always does, but Kazuichi thinks he can back her up even though it would have been super easy to throw her under the train then and there. "Wait, I-I don't think Miu could have used it either. Or rather, she could have but I don't think she'd have been able to find it." Well, at least one secret was going to come out here this evening sooner or later. "I... didn't want her to go near some of those substances so I used this special reflective coating she set up to say "Files 2" when Miu specifically looks at it, because I figured looking at files isn't really her thing."

"You _ASSHOLE_! I invented that solely for _me_ to use for that _one gag_ with Kaede! I would _never_ -"  
  
Sayaka then cuts Miu off, looking serious. "Miu, could I talk to you in private for a minute? I don't think you're suspicious and think you could be a great help. I trust you, but if you're hiding anything you _need_ to let me know so I can vouch for you. That shower's soundproof, right?"

Kyoko excuses herself as Miu makes some predictable comments about hardly being the first girl here to go into the shower with Sayaka, before locking the door. "If it's OK with you two I'm going to go and find out what Akane was doing with Nekomaru and Leon. Is it OK if we meet up later, Shuichi?"

"That's fine." Kyoko beats a hasty retreat, almost looking like she's upset about something. " Kazuichi, if you think you know anything please let us know. We suspect someone in this academy's collaborating with Monokuma against the student body and we need to know who it is and settle things before things start to escalate." Miu exits the bathroom and wanders off, saying she needs to talk to Kaede about some stuff. She was never very good at things like alibis and mystery solving. Not her environment.  
  
"I promise I won't tell anyone! You can trust Sayaka!" The idol then sighs and turns to face the two boys. "Miu's been telling the truth. I think we should go talk to Chihiro now. Bye Kazuichi!" She holds Shuichi's hand and tugs him away.  
  
 _...wait, was collaborating with Monokuma meant to be a bad thing? Man, why is everyone always so suspicious of the bears._

Tsumugi Shirogane taps him on the shoulder, looking slightly nervous. It's understandable, considering that she'd just found out someone had tried to possibly murder her friend Kirumi. "Ummm...so as I was saying, I _definitely_ need my sewing machine fixed by next week. Would that be OK?"

* * *

_It turned out the Monokubs had been upgrading some of the trial grounds in his nightmare-induced absence. Now they had cool floating platforms that sort of rode up and down the height of the massive trial chamber while loud music played._   
  
_They were a major safety hazard and it didn't seem like an appropriate soundtrack for a legal setting, but, fuck it, they were undeniably cool. Kind of like a theme park ride Soda and his pals could throw beer cans at each other from, once they made Hiyoko go away. He'll admit that they could be kind of annoying and usually needed an experienced supervisor to check that their work was of an acceptable quality, but c'mon! How could anyone hate the Monokubs when they built cool shit like this?_

* * *

"Ummm...you still make stuff, right? Could I put in a special request? It's _not_ very big." The Academy's a lot louder in general, now, so Tsumugi has to learn to speak up more.  
  
The nightmares ended a few weeks ago, but everyone's still slightly paranoid and a little bit more on edge. A lot more on edge, actually. Kokichi's being chased throughout the corridors by Taka and, let's see here...Gonta again, but Soda manages to lock the door to his workshop and shut the blinds he just put in before Oma can scurry in there. On days like this you just have to stay out of the way and close up shop. He breathes a sigh of relief, only to hear someone coughing in the corner. Oh, it's Tsumugi again. He'd gotten so distracted by the mayhem outside that he'd already forgotten they were just talking. "So... what was this special job you wanted me to do?"

"I'd, umm... like a sort of big neon sign that says "SHIROGANE LOUNGE" with maybe a little cocktail glass on it? I realize I just said it wasn't very big, but I guess I meant in difficulty. There's also a couple of other things, but mostly I just need the neon sign and maybe some help persuading the Monokubs to move some stuff from my research lab.  
  
"Huh, that shouldn't be a problem. When-" There's a sudden banging on the door and he peers out the blinds. It's...Ibuki, which should be safe?  
  
"DO YOU HAVE A CHAINSAW!?!" The banging continues.  
  
 _"...why does she want a chainsaw? That's very dangerous!"_ Tsumugi crouches beside him and whispers, echoing his thoughts.  
  
"IT'S OK! I HAVE PROTECTIVE EARMUFFS!" Oh, right, she can hear everything.  
  
""That's not the problem!"" Huh. They lock eyes, nod and decide to bar the door just in case whatever's happening out there gets worse. Some days it's best to just blend into the background and not participate in whatever's happening.

"So why do you want this sign, anyway?". He'd never actually talked to the cosplayer much, which was weird because they always seemed to get along pretty well. She was just so plain she sort of blended into the background, sometimes. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing, he kind of envied that ability on a lot of days because it meant that people would stop yelling at him all the time.  
  
"I can't tell you why just yet, but I'll be _very_ grateful if you keep this a secret and bring the sign to me tomorrow morning. I'll be waiting next to the first floor of the girls' bathroom." Slightly suspicious, but who was he to judge? "It's part of a, umm, big surprise! Oh, but I can promise you this: girls will probably be happy with you if you do this.  
This secret project will impress girls and it will definitely make at least one or two girls like you more! And that's _not_ a lie."   
  
"Hey, now you're speaking my language! Tsumugi, you're alr"- _BANG!_ The noise of another impact outside, but it was probably just a table hitting the glass. She was cowering reflexively. "H-hey, relax! Those windows can survive being hit with a cruise missile, I'm pretty sure. Man, it's like nobody here knows how to follow proper safety procedures! I know I'm not normal, but some of the people here really try my patience. Do you know what I mean?"   
  
Tsumugi nods. "That's true. I know I can get a little obsessive over my anime, but personally I don't think there's anything too outrageous about my behaviour so far. They say some students here are planning for some kind of murder game and collaborating with Monokuma, but for me I think it's clear for all to see that that's plainly not the case." Hmm. She actually did look kind of cute in a nerdy sort of way when she acted all prim like that.   
  
"That's one of the things I don't get! Why _is_ collaborating with Monokuma necessarily a _bad_ thing! Like, if he says there's not going to be a killing game and he's trying to make things run smoothly then I think we should just work together with him instead of, like, plotting behind everyone else's backs on our own. Not that I'm collaborating with him either of course."  
  
"Yeah, that'd be plainly ridiculous." They pause for a minute and listen to the mayhem outside.

* * *

"So...do you know what's weird about me? Like, for an Ultimate, I mean. I just...don't _get_ girls, you know? I try and do the right thing and all that happens is I either get yelled at, accused of crimes or get more work put on my plate by everyone else. I think I kind of know how Kirumi feels now, with that kind of thing. Who's life I saved, by the way."  
  
"Hmmm. I don't want to speculate, but I'd say the oddest thing about you is that, hmm. Think of it like this: We're the last forty eight teenagers alive, all of our basic needs are met and, evil nightmares aside, we do kind of live in relative luxury now that you've gotten rid of most of the mold and bad paint. We don't _really_ have any obligations to follow, no set schedules to go by, gourmet meals, unlimited alcohol supplies and enough pirated anime to last a lifetime. Basically we can just do whatever we want surrounded by our sexy on average friends, right?"  
  
"Yeah. So what?"  
  
"The strange bit is that in this situation you've still managed to find yourself stuck in a nine to five job as a mechanic. In a classless society with no guidelines, rules to follow or economy you've somehow made yourself working class, which is definitely weird. Also, even though you're not unattractive I think one of the reasons you have problems with girls is that the main ones you hang out with are Akane and Miu, who _don't_ give good advice. Uhh, class solidarity aside." 

"Huh, how about that. I guess you're right. Would you... like to get a drink some time?"

"...oh, that would be nice! I mean, we're already trapped down here forever so we might as well, you know? Actually, I might be able to let you in on what I'm doing tomorrow after all."

* * *

_Well, he was nice! And it's a good thing he game up on that beard. Tsumugi Shirogane opens the hidden entrance and sneaks through the secret passage in the bathroom, making sure nobody's following her. Kazuichi Soda is the perfect accomplice for what she hopes to pull off. She has to stop for a while because the dust got in her face, but she had her inhaler on her and that's besides the point! The point is, she needed someone who isn't collaborating with Monokuma to work on this thing with her and make it look not suspicious._

* * *

It's 6:00 AM. He waits outside the girls' bathroom and places an "OUT OF ORDER" barrier around the door once Tsumugi gives him the all-clear signal. She still stops him from walking any further than the supply closet once he's inside, even though it's _basically_ the same as the guys' bathroom. "It's the principle of the thing, I really must insist. This is sacred territory." She opens the supply closet and walks to the back, where she pushes down on the side of a wall. "Now, don't tell anyone about this. It's a girls' secret but also it's a secret from all the girls but me. Sooo basically at this stage it's just a secret between the two of us. Come on!" A secret passageway opens up, which would be a lot more surprising if he hadn't already found about a dozen of those and didn't have a map of them in his toolbag.  
  
The secret tunnel's narrow and extremely dusty, and as he follows after her he can make out the footsteps from what he thinks might be the last time she entered through here. He asks her about it, but she doesn't answer. He speeds up to overtake her and find out why, but it's because she's wearing a dust mask and her glasses are starting to fog over. Right, asthma. Eventually they make their way through to what looks like some kind of...weird nightclub? There's a drinks cabinet and bar in the corner to the right of the entrance they just came through. A couple of red curtains and some sort of hanging love hearts decorations. Not really his kind of thing. After a minute she stops coughing and removes the mask.  
  
"Right, so here's what I've been working on. I was thinking of making this place into, like, some kind of secret ladies' bar but since you already know it's here I guess you can come in too once we work out the other entrance? There's a place over in the far corner you could put the sign that I think'd look pretty neat. Oh, check this out!" She tip-toes over to a worn out velvet curtain and tears it off to reveal what looks like a giant, half-decayed Monokuma head within a broken glass tube.   
  
"Wait, what is this place? That's a clear safety hazard!"  
  
"I don't know, I just...found it when I was looking for a mop, because the supply closet's where you get those! Also, that's why I brought _you_ in here! If we can get the lights in here working again and make it, y'know, safer, I just thought this would be a cool place to hang out in. Look, I got the Monokubs to bring over a drinks cabinet like the one they say's going to be in my research lab once it opens."  
  
"Oh, so they told you that? Huh, didn't tell me. I guess that all checks out. If it's in the girl's bathroom why didn't you ask Miu to do it?"  
  
"Hmmm... me and Miu don't always get along so well and I understand it she had a bit of a bad shock a couple of days ago which Kaede's trying to handle. I don't want to pry into the details, that'd be just plain _rude_. I, uhhh, _also_ overheard her wondering if I can do Porky Pig, which is information I want to keep to myself. Soooo I'm just going to wait for her to forget about it all in a couple of days. Besides, I think your construction methods are usually a lot more...practical!"

"Aww, thanks! Anyway, you mentioned there's another entrance on the other side?

"That's right! I think it's meant to go down through to the library, but I couldn't find a way to get it open from there."  
  
"No, no, that's wrong. Let me just look at my map of all the rooms on here. Huh, this thing's meant to have all the secret rooms listed on it but this isn't one of them. That's weird. But I'm pretty sure that if there's a passage it should actually go down to the arcade, so I guess we could technically turn this into a barcade kind of thing. That'd be pretty cool, right?" It actually felt really good to plan something like this with someone who wasn't a Monokub. You know, Tsumugi was actually kind of pretty in this lighting! Even out of cosplay.  
  
"Hmmm...I guess that could work... I think if we sort of put some lights around this Motherkuma head it'll make sort of a cool light fixture. What do you think?"  
  
"I mean, you'd have to sand down the...wait, why did you call it Motherkuma?"  
  
"It's...umm...because this place is attached to the girls' bathroom. It's... feminism?"

"That's not what feminism means!"  
  
"Kazuichi, that's plainly not for you to decide. Anyway, I'm sure turning this place into a cool secret club will definitely make girls like you."

"Wait, you keep saying that, but which girls?"

"Umm... that's another good question. Me, I guess? I'm impressed. I like you. I'd ask if you want to make out, but I'm actually having Mikan take my braces off in a week or two when she has the time, so if the offer's still on the table after that point then I think it would be a lot more convenient for both of us if you're still in the mood. Not that I've really kissed anyone before, but I want it to be an entirely new experience, you know?"  
  
Well, how about that. For a guy like Kazuichi Soda that's a pretty good start. Tsumugi's also surprisingly stacked. Damn.

##  **THE END**

* * *

**  
  
"...wait, Monokuma gave you a _MAP OF ALL THE HIDDEN ROOMS? HE'S NOT MEANT TO DO THAT!"_**

**_"...HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!?"_ **

"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"...well, I'd say we've plainly both messed things up pretty bad, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kazuichi Soda is the leader of the Monokubs. God, I should just do a Monodam chapter instead of the Mahiru chapter, because that one's going nowhere. Tsumugi figured out you can make Soda do almost anything if you tell him it will make girls like him, but fell into the trap of actually being a girl who likes him.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _There's nothing for it, I guess. We might actually have to get to the action, which DOES exist, and find out what's really going on with some explosions, cruel motive videos and so forth. Buuut before that I think I have a couple more filler episodes in the pipeline:_
> 
> _Yasuhiro Hagakure gets a couple of messages for Junko Enoshima on his answering machine and passes it on over lunch back in the prologue we haven't actually read yet. Prediction: there will be no consequences for these actions._
> 
> _There's not going to be a killing game, but, in the unlikely event that a killing game were to occur, Byakuya Togami and his faction have already prepared a dossier with information on every student and potential voting bloc for you to study up on, Hiyoko. If we don't get on top of this now then Angie Yonaga will._
> 
> _Another (urgh) episode of Miu's Clues, where we fill in some gaps and find out some but not all of Miu Iruma's Terrible, Tragic Secrets (NOT CLICKBAIT). Miu would make a joke about the phrase "filling in gaps" but it's still from Kaede's perspective so we're not going to do that. It's a Miu's Clues sequel._


	11. The Ballad of Miu Iruma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Kaede pieces together the confusing, self-contradictory life story of Miu Iruma: The Saddest, Smartest, Funniest and Prettiest Girl in the entire world.
> 
>   
>  **RECOVERY UNPRECEDENTED, UNPRINTABLE**   
>  An unnamed local teenager has demonstrated an almost startlingly complete physical, partial  
> mental recovery from a permanent vegetative state caused by a car accident. We are legally  
> unable to report any further on this topic due to a complex series of legal junctures from both  
> the hospital and government regarding the patient's right to privacy, as well as her habit of flashing  
> any journalists in an attempt to "Reach your centrefold, which you can also do for me." As such  
> she has been deemed completely unsuitable for press coverage until she reaches the age of 18,  
> by which point it is hoped she will have fully recovered from what hospital administration has  
> chuckled at and deemed "Our favorite patient's juvenile need for attention. MIU IRUMA, STOP  
> THAT, HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"
> 
> **NEXT ARTICLE: COSPOX "IS REAL!?!" SAYS RICH DERMATOLOGIST**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: This is Miu Iruma's story. It's not all dark and there's a lot of jokes but there's also a _lot_ of heavy content and it's around 15,000 words long. Drugs, suicide, CSA, regular abuse, gaslighting (none explicitly described), class issues, ethical questions, Miu's complex relationship with Mikan, the whole shebang. Miu has a _lot_ of mental illness and uses a lot of _Miu language_. If I forgot to tag anything let me know. Miu Iruma is not a realistic depiction of anything. A lot of the other girls are there and they also talk about what problems they have going on.**
> 
> **Miu's story is very, very sad, but there's levity to be found and my one promise to you is that it comes with a happy ending. In the end she'll be OK.**
> 
> There's a bit of plot happening in the background of this one that you might notice if you pay close attention. This one _isn't_ filler. If you can approximately figure out what's up with Miu before the big reveal you get _10 Monocoins_.
> 
> Questions and comments are _always_ more than appreciated. Remember to save regularly!

###  **THE QUESTION**

  
When Kaede woke up she smelled...fried chicken? Oh! Hello Miu. Good morning. After Kaede had put on her pyjamas and kissed Miu goodnight her girlfriend had clearly woken up, started working on...something she really didn't want to look at and...hmm, Kirumi's probably going to clean these sheets anyway. And her hair smelled like fried chicken now, which was...nice? Unorthodox! And she was snoring happily, which means she probably wasn't having any nightmares this time!   
  
Alright. Today's the day she's going to start her quest to solve the _puzzle_ that is Miu Iruma. She checks her list to figure out who she can check in with first...  
  
 **  
PEOPLE WHO MIGHT HAVE MIU INSIGHTS :**  
 **Kazuichi** _\- second BFF apart from me_  
 **Mikan** _\- Only pre-Hope’s Peak friend (?)_  
 **Keebo** _\- Robot (Maybe also the bears?)_  
 **Toko** - _I have seen them yell at each other._  
 **Shuichi** _-Detectives know all about psychology!_  
 **Miu** - _Wait, can’t I just ask her?  
  
_ Kazuichi's the first person on her list, so she figures she'll start with him first and work her way down, approximately. Save Miu for last so she can wrap all the pieces together in a nice little bow. Oh, and maybe she could find a clever little metaphor or, like, similie to describe her then that'd be kind of neat as well. This'll probably take, what, a couple of weeks?

It was several months, but there was a lot to process. 

# The Ballad of Miu Iruma

**aka. Miu's Clues II aka. MI2's CL2ES: "Look Miu, they look kind of like little love hearts!"**

###  **THE MECHANIC**

"K-Kaede! What're you doing here?"

Kazuichi Soda spent more time hanging out with Miu than anybody. The Ultimate Mechanic and The Ultimate Inventor spent a lot of time working in tandem, and if anyone had the key to cracking her puzzle it would be him. “Miu insults me every couple of sentences, but I don't think she's doing it to be _mean_ like Hiyoko. I mean, not as mean. I’m trying to think of a way you’d put it. Her brain’s weird. The way she works is...inventive, but not mechanical... oh, I guess that makes sense. Never really thought about it that way. Lemme explain it like this:

When I want to invent something I find the problem, look at the materials I have, figure out whatever the most effective solution is and build the best version of it I can. That makes sense. It's logical!"

"What does Miu do instead?"

"When Miu finds a problem she has to think of what drawback she wants her solution to have and then sort of reverse engineers it from there. It's backwards! Like she has to think of a punchline for everything she creates. You know that suitcase she uses to print off whatever she’s going to wear today? It’s set to always prints whatever she wants _one size too small_ for her, so it makes her look extra...y'know, like that. Or look at the showers here for example!"

“I was...wondering about those. Why are there two showers in here?” 

* * *

_Miu Iruma thinks it would be funny if you got one of those little bells that you put on a bicycle, but it's also a joy buzzer so strong that it nearly makes you fall off whatever it is you're riding. Then she works backwards from there and figures out how a gear switching mechanism works, then she picks pink because she's still a hot girl ("fuck you, Soda! Look at these!"). Eventually she reaches the point where she has to re-invent the wheel in her own mind, and when she does it's better than any bike wheel that's ever been. The bell still shocks you painfully but the seat is very pleasurable._

* * *

The mechanic sighs. He's had this conversation with way too many people and it never goes well. "We were going to build a shower in case a girl comes in here, then we got competitive because she said she could build a better shower than me. Which she didn't."

“Wait, _I’m_ a girl! _And Miu’s a girl too!_ ”

“Yeah, and _if_ I knew you were coming then I would have taken a shower. And Miu doesn't count! Look, it made sense to us at the time but in hindsight we realise this whole concept really doesn't doesn't work! I mean, I realise it. I don't think Miu _has_ a lot of hindsight, like...in general. At all. Mine has a waterproof locker to leave your clothes inside and a dispenser that gives you a warm towel each time. It makes sense! It's better than a regular shower." Kaede had to admit that that did sound pretty good.

"Miu’s “efficiency shower” has five cold hoses that rotate around and shoot water at you at what she calls “non-bruising” pressure because she says it’s better for your skin, followed by some dryers that blast you with hot air. Instead of a faucet it just dumps a fried chicken-scented shampoo and conditioner from the ceiling. The whole process takes 30 seconds, but you need to wear goggles and there's a security camera on the outside so someone can watch it in case you get hurt."   
  
"Huh, well, that explains her hair’s smell...wait, you’ve watched her shower? Did she _make_ you watch her shower, or are you two…”

"Like, once, when she tried to test it out at full strength and I had to call Mikan. It was before you two were, well...y'know." This was concerning.

"Look, this is going to sound weird but we've seen each other naked a couple of times to test it, and we just kind of, like...cancel each other out? Maybe it’s because we’re kind of too similar. We crack dirty jokes and talk about guy stuff, but when we look at each other there’s just _nothing there_ , which is weird considering we're both easily in the top ten perverts in this place! And she's a curvy blonde with huge jugs! Miu’s my… well, she’s never actually said we’re friends, but I think-”

“Oh, Miu told me she considers you her second best friend!” She hadn't but Kaede kind of got that picture, especially since whatever had happened with Mikan. Oh! She really should talk to Mikan next.

“Oh...well, that’s good news! Anyway, she’s cool and everything but we exist in this weird blind spot in each others’ brains where it’s impossible to view each other like that. At all. I think Sakura said something once about all of us Ultimates having these weird blind spots in our brain. At first I thought she was talking about how Ryoma's Shukuchi method works, but I think she actually meant how to me she's just a guy who hangs out here all the time, insults me and occasionally gives me advice on how to talk to girls. I think that's probably another important clue to whatever this thing you're doing is. Like, I think she's got a lot more blind spots than me where she just...either doesn't realize stuff or can't. Oh, and the thing about her brain working backwards! Anyway, that’s all I got.”

There's another person in this story with a similar blind spot, an inability to fully recognize someone almost just like them. But they're not relevant to this part, so I'd just put it out of your mind for now. It's probably not really important to the overall scheme of things.

* * *

_Miu printed out matching sweaters for her and Kaede that said "I {LOVE} KAEDE!" and "MIU {LOVES} ME!" on them within little love hearts. Kaede later found out that Miu'd somehow invented a way for the words in the middle to say a number of very different words to everyone who looked at them BUT her girlfriend. On rotation._

* * *

Kaede sighed in relief. What any of it meant in the larger picture was still a mystery, but she was sure there were some important Miu’s Clues and it was nice to learn more about Soda. He seemed a lot more reliable when he was talking about putting stuff together and machines. The bit about them showering together was slightly worrying, but it was before she'd gotten together with Miu so that was none of her business. “Thanks, Kazuichi! You’ve been a great help. Don’t tell Miu I talked to any of you about this, OK?” 

“I-I promise!” He blushed as she clasped his hands. Kaede thought he looked kind of sweet when he smiled, but didn’t want to hug him and get any oil stains on her sweater vest because that would mean more work for Kirumi.

“Oh! And just a little piece of advice... please, _please_ don’t follow her advice on how to talk to girls. That...might be one of the reasons she started hanging out with you.”

* * *

 _"Hey, Soda Jerk-off! Check it out! I, the gorgeous girl genius, actually invented something even you think's going to be fucking useful for once."  
  
"Huh...can I see it?"  
  
_ _"Hey, I gotta get myself worked up n' moist here! Baby needs her sales pitch! Anyway, have you ever been pissed off that you can't find the right cable? Well, I made a new type of cable that plugs anything into anything else and transfers whatever you want. Data, power, gasoline, red wine, the whole shebang! I call it the **M** iu **I** ruma **U** niversal **S** ilicon **B** us! Can't think of a better name for it than that yet, though."_

_"Wow...that's actually pretty good! What's the catch?"_   
  
_"W-what? W-why do you assume there's something wrong with it? C-c'mon, It's normal this time."_   
  
_"OK then, how does it work?"_   
  
_"You see, I figured out a way to replace the metal with a sort of semi-flexible rubber-like compound which I can expand and retract so that it..." Kazuichi Soda figures out where this one's going and tunes out for thirty seconds, thinking about Aoi's luscious tits. Chiaki will later confirm to him that they're actually the best ones and he's also been able to accurately reverse-engineer a pretty accurate idea of what Kaede's look like thanks to Miu's vivid language, use of her own as a reference point and solid grasp of mathematics._

_"...anyway, I'm going to go ram it into Keebo, wanna come? I'll bet he thinks it feels good!"_

###  **THE NURSE**

It took a couple of weeks for Kaede to process the information she'd learned and find the free time to see Mikan. Some of it had to do with Miu but a lot of it had to do with the fact that she was now seen as a neutral party who could help mediate disputes between some of the more volatile classmates she wasn't dating. It wasn't necessarily fun, but she did enjoy having something more to do with the day-to-day running of their little community than just helping take care of her own stuff friend group. Oh, and she helped out a lot with the second murder mystery night and got to be a _victim_ that time, which was a really fun role! Hiro did it to stop her testifying against him for the murder of Leon, which was actually done by Nekomaru and Ibuki.

"Mikan! I'm...here to ask you about Miu."

"Oh! I s-see! Come right in." Mikan leaves the reception desk and gestures Kaede into the sound-proof office for consultations, which is good because this conversation really needed to be private for more than one reason. "Miu actually came to me to talk about you first and said it was OK, so I've got full e-ethical disclosure to talk about her."

"W-wait, she did? About what?"  
  
"She said, and I wrote it down, a-ahem: _"You can disclose whatever you want about me and my discharges, because if anyone asks y-you and I both know that I gots no STDs that I didn't invent myself and you can tell every,_ hmmmm, she used a w-word there I don't like there, _in the building that for all I care. B-boo yeah."_

"No! That's not what I came in here to talk to you about." Yes, that _was_ also a thing Kaede came in to talk to Mikan about, and probably should have done a lot sooner because she'd been in an intimate relationship with Miu Iruma for months and had been doing the stuff Miu Iruma always talked about, with Miu Iruma. Repeatedly. For months.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to imply anything. I-I believe you." She didn't. They both knew what was up. Mikan gave a weak little cough while Kaede wondered why she always seemed so...sickly, as a nurse. "Ahem. M-Miu never actually came back to get her test results, but as far as I can tell M-Miu has had at least around 20-30 sexual partners and contracted zero sexually transmitted diseases or infections that I can find on the record, so that might be _...true_?"

"Huh...that's a...relief, I think?" Kaede wasn't going to inquire about the rest. She knew Miu had been through a lot before she came here, which was really why she was here to see Mikan in the first place. Mikan sounded a lot more confident when she was talking about her nursing, which was good! She’d been getting a whole lot better in general, Kaede noticed. She didn’t know anything about Mikan’s personal life, but from what she gathered this lockdown seemed to somehow be a vast improvement.

"I-I cannot disclose the details of any of the ones that took place post-enrollment. There are ethical issues and then there are issues I refuse to comment on for ethical reasons, i-if you catch my drift. If you know about it then you know about it. I'm sorry..."

"No, Mikan, it's OK! What I meant to ask you about was what you know about Miu from outside of Hope's Peak. I think you're the only one who knew her before either of you came here, right?"

“Oh! That's right!. I-I mean, I knew her before she knew me. It’s a pretty long story, so I apologize if you’re not interested. I actually know all kinds of stuff about her nobody else does.”

"No, I'm interested! Mikan, that's _exactly_ what I'm looking for. If it's OK for you to tell me any of that, I mean."

"Hmmm...I'll tell you what I can remember. I don't remember the exact dates, but she was eleven and I was around t-twelve. The first clinic I kind of...started helping out at got closed for... ethical reasons, and Miu was already there when I was moved into the second one. The lady who became my m-mentor p-pulled me out of a sharps bin and got it shut down because of that, wh-which was my fault, before she dragged me along there. I-it still wasn’t a very good hospital, but was lot better than the first a-and better than staying at home in the old p-pitbull mill. "

* * *

_Mikan Tsumiki might have been a pretty child if it wasn't for the constant bruises, stitches and whatever had been done to her hair. As it was she just looked malnourished. When she first laid eyes on Miu Iruma she looked like an angel to her, a vision of what she could have been if things had gone better, a princess and a fashion model all in one. Purity. She never imagined that she'd later become friends with real versions of both of these things, but at the time Miu Iruma was more than enough for her. The love that comes from seeing something that's only ever good._

* * *

"Miu was already the prettiest girl there. I used to think of her as being kind of like a princess. I never had dolls when I was growing up, so I always used to brush her hair, clean her teeth and think about how n-nice her skin was.”  
  
"Wait, you used to brush her teeth? I know she sometimes forgets to do that, but-"

“Oh! Ummm... this was when she was in what we call, umm, a p-permanent vegetative state. That's what I mean when I said I was friends with her for a while before she was friends with me. Y-you know about the coma, right?" _Right, the coma! Miu always trails off and goes vague about details when she talks about that._

"Right, that's the next thing I was going to ask you about! How long _was_ Miu in the coma? She just says she was in there and woke up as a genius. When I ask her what happens she just kind of gets vague and starts getting all...hands on to distract me. Even when we're in public! I know there was some kind of an accident and she ended up in one, but I don't know if it was for a few days or a few months."

" _...months?_ Kaede, sh-she didn't tell you? I-I mean, I guess she'd want to keep it a secret, but you really should know. Umm...M-Miu's car got hit by a train and she didn't wake up for _years._ She only woke up less than two years before she arrived here at Hope's Peak."

* * *

_"Fuck you, virgin! I'm not a "trainwreck", I'm a Trainwreck. Survivor. Big fucking difference, asshole."_

* * *

"...so she was eleven when she went in and when she woke up she was already like this, huh?"

"...I felt like she was my friend, even though she couldn't see or hear me. L-like...sleeping beauty, you know? I wasn't allowed to watch anything on screens as a kid, b-but I understood the concept. Then she d-disappeared for a while and I was devastated and I thought I'd never see her again, but I did!"

"Wait, how did she disappear? I...thought you said she was in a coma?"

"Hmmm....how do I put this. I know even before, umm... the plague and everyone dying outside things had been going bad for a while, but I think it started around a decade or two ago and gradually got worse from there. W-we saw it in the medical industry first, because that's where people die. Y-you had a piano as a kid, right? T-to become the Ultimate Pianist?"

"Yeah? What does that have to do with anything? Geeze, my family's always been kind of well-off, but-"

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to judge! It's just...things had been pretty bad for a long while in a lot of the country and i-if you weren't there you'd be kind of...insulated from it for a long time. The news didn't talk about it until it got like that everywhere else, but it was really just becoming the same for how we already were. Oh...sorry, I got off track."  
  
"N-no, I get it. I can just get kind of...one track minded with stuff like that. I had the piano and I didn't really care about politics or anything." Kaede had private tutors and never really noticed what was going on outside of her comfortable bubble as a classical pianist. Places like Towa City didn't have a good opera house, or a concert hall with the right acoustics for a _Kaede Akamatsu_ concert. Maki had brought it up and made her feel really bad about it before. "What were you saying about the hospital?" 

"Anyway, this hospital...still wasn't good, even for where we were. S-sometimes they needed extra money to keep running so they'd just sort of... let people take the patients who they didn't think were going to wake up again."

" _WHAT?_ What kind of hospital _was_ this?" 

" _Th-the kind that lets a twelve year old help out as a nurse!_ I’m sorry, I didn’t know any better! U-usually they came back, but sometimes they didn't!”

Kaede decides not to follow up on that and maybe have a little chat with Kyoko later to see if this was plausible. 

"A-a lot of the patients around my age started to disappear at the time. Kids in general, really. I used to worry I'd be next because Genocide Jack was in the news and the kids and people who always used to hurt me made me stay out there as b-b-bait! But it was OK! My mentor got me a cigarette scholarship to start apprenticing at a p-proper hospital affiliated with Hope's Peak, and when I got there there she was, alive and prettier than ever! A few months after that she woke up and when she did she was...similar to how she is now. I-I don't know how she was before, though. It was very strange."

"A cigarette scholarship?"  
  
"She smoked a lot of cigarettes, and they were f-funding nursing scholarships to show that they can also be good for peoples' health as well! C-cigarettes hurt a lot when someone puts them out on you, but I'm still grateful for the opportunities they've given me!"

* * *

 **"OH NOOO! I'M S-SORRY!"  
"BUMBLING" APPRENTICE NURSE WINS UNETHICAL SCHOLARSHIP  
** **TOBACCO INDUSTRY CRITICISED FOR BLATANT PR STUNT**

 **DEBASES SELF ON STAGE - PHOTOS INSIDE,** **AS A MEDICAL  
JOURNAL WE ARE LEGALLY ALLOWED TO PRINT THESE!  
**

 **  
"I _figured she could use the break, she's had it a little rough."  
_ ** **-H. Hagakure** , the proud mother who nominated Tsumiki for the scholarship. _  
__Hagakure later clarified that she is, in fact, the proud mother of a "handsome  
_ _son" who did not qualify for the scholarship and not of the girl in question.  
Hagakure denies any connection to the tobacco industry apart from enjoying  
the soothing sensation, great taste and cool way cigarettes makes you look.  
  
 **"Mikan, we do not consider you our daughter and now the nice journalist has let us know  
where you're hiding. The PITBULLS are coming for you and we have attached cameras. If you  
can last 72 hours we will leave you alone forever and let GENOCIDE JACK kill you on the streets  
instead. The time starts from when we send this message, not when and if you read it.  
**_-A message we were asked to relay when we contacted Tsumiki's real parents **.**

_** NEXT ARTICLE: COSPOX "NOT REAL!" SAYS SELF-ASSURED, RICH DERMATOLOGIST ** _

* * *

"...so, you said there was something strange about her waking up? I don't really know much about medicine, so..." 

"Well...i-it’s unusual for someone who’s been vegetative for so long to regain consciousness and become communicative at all, but it's not unheard of. But even then it c-can take years for them to recover physically a-and mentally. She s-started out by winking at us and was able to sketch out the letter “F” and then "U" at me and the other nurses with one of her fingers in the first three days. I've never seen anyone recover so fast! Th-they called her the miracle patient. The press were all set to do a big story about her by the time her voice had recovered enough to talk, but...she flashed the news team and then some lawyers from the hospital came in and stopped anyone from talking about her. There was a non-disclosure agreement about her existence, but I-I guess I'm breaking that now. I'm sorry!"

"Mikan, I don't think there's anyone alive to care about that."  
  
"Y-you're right, but it's really strange, isn't it? The medical press didn't ask too many questions because they discovered Cospox a week later, but it's not normal." Mikan nervously looks around and leans in. Even though there were only two of them there she starts whispering, as if she's revealing forbidden information. She's not stuttering any more. It's easier to understand, but eerie when it stops. " _She re-learned how to talk in two weeks, but by that point she was already inventing things for the hospital to use. Two weeks! It took her just over two months to walk properly, and she somehow learned to put a bounce in it. A bounce in her step! I don't know much about that train accident, but from what little I've gathered it should have taken her years of physiotherapy for her to be able to walk at all!"_

Mikan leans back and looks around the room, twiddling her thumbs. She seems conflicted about something "Here's the bit that always seemed strange to me. I'm a medical professional, but... hmm... how do I put this. You’ve s-seen Miu’s body, right? 

“Every night, yes. What’s it to you? Wait, do you-”

"N-no, not like that!! I'm her nurse, I've seen it too! Lots of times! Ooooh, I'm trying to think of a way to put this. Have you ever looked at her skin? Th-there’s nearly no visible scars, right? I don't know exactly what happened in that accident, but they all disappeared b-better than they usually would!" That is a little weird, Kaede thinks to herself. What's Mikan getting at?

"I mean, her body...seems normal for a girl of her age, kind of. Apart from being b-bigger in some areas, but isn’t that weird? You’ve seen how she moves around, right? She...bounces! Do-do you remember puberty? When you had your growth spurt?"

"Yeah, but why are you asking me about that?"

"That's the whole thing! Miu _doesn't_ , because she was lying in a cheap hospital bed since she was eleven years old and yet _she still looks normal._ Better than normal, a-as you know! That should have a severe impact on your skeletal development, but she's always looked like a perfect specimen of her age from a health standpoint. I mean, physically. She's also got some lower joint pains but I think that's just because of a bad diet I'm going to need you to talk to her and Teruteru about."

“Aww, geeze, I don't want to talk to- wait, what’re you saying?”

"This is definitely going to sound strange, but I think Miu might be a little bit... _augmented_?"

“Wait, you don’t mean-”

_“N-no, not like that, they’re perfect and natural! I'm sorry...”_

###  **THE AUTHOR**

Toko Fukawa was...moody at the best of times. That mood was rarely a good one, and finding a moment when she was in a good mood _and_ willing to talk about Miu, therefore potentially ruining it was even rarer. It took a long while.

"I guess you're here to t-talk about your idiot girlfriend? C-come in. The lab's clean." Only by Toko's standards. She clears away some space on her desk. The room always smells like copper and incense.

“I needed to talk to her for a character study and she loves talking about herself, s-so she put up with me. You know I literally wrote a whole book about her on the handbook chat before they muted me and d-deleted my post? You could have avoided talking to me by just reading what I actually say. I managed to uncover some interesting things about her childhood traumas that I was... personally able to bond with her over, so I’m guessing that’s what you’re interested in. We have some mutual issue sources. A lot of it seems kind of self-contradictory, but I was still able to figure out a bunch of... recurring elements and put together some of what I think are facts."  
  
"Thanks Toko, that's really helpf-"  
  
"Shut up! I'm not doing this for you...sorry, I just do that reflexively. It's a bad habit. But I'm also really not doing it for you." Toko chews her thumbnail. There's dirt under it, or possibly coffee grounds. "I'm doing it for _her_. If you could help her out with some of this stuff it would... do a lot of good for her, I think. She's got problems and I don't think she's as mean to me as she could have been if she actually hated me as much as everyone else here does. Beside, I... owe her one."

"...Huh. What did she do for you?"

"...she hooked me up with Keebo." Wait, what?  
  
"Sh-shut up! _Shut up before you say anything_. I'm trying to teach him h-how to understand _subtlety_! He's _empty_ and purposeless and he doesn't understand emotions or subtlety or peoples' hearts yet. I can teach him! He's a _shallow, pathetic husk of a man_ and therefore he's _perfect_ for me! Sh-she was a bad influence on him." From one to another, really.

* * *

_"If the perfect guy you keep describing's so fucking dickless why don't you just date the fucking robot?! He's the only one in here who's just as sad and pathetic as you! Teach him how rhymes work for all I care."_

* * *

“I know for a fact that Miu had a bad childhood. Not all trauma, but, y’know... half trauma. Her mother’s half, which I can relate to. As far as I can tell her dad seems to have gone in and out of prison more than once but they seem to have a really… positive relationship? By Miu’s standards. She still calls him “daddy” sometimes, but not in that way which is good because that would be creepy and weird even for her given everything else. A-anyway, I think her mother was some kind of, like, stripper at the least. Abandonment issues. I also know she ran away from home and spent time on the streets both before the accident and afterwards, where she got all kinds of messed up. Like, really badly. I don’t think anyone really knows what happened there."

* * *

_“Daddy made some impulsive decisions, because that’s what you do when you’re in a fucking stressful situation, and he fucked up a lot because he could be kind of an idiot compared to, say, me. But he NEVER fucking hurt me once even though he might’ve yelled, and anyone who says he did is a fucking liar who’s probably just an overactive imagination looking to make shit up like you, writer girl. We were BOTH loud because if you’re not fucking loud then how else is anyone else gonna hear you?”_

_"My dad's the only one who's never really left me. Even when he got locked up he’d ring me whenever he could. He did his best to take care of me even though I was a fucking asshole of a kid. I always feel bad because I can't be good enough for him, but I know that, snfff, whenever this whole thing’s over and I get out of here he's gonna be back home waiting for me just like I was back home when he got out of prison the first time and, snfff, I'm gonna show him exactly how fucking smart, snfff, and hot and successful an inventor I've become, MOTHERFUCKER!"_

* * *

"I had a lot of difficulty understanding her thought process until I figured out she basically thinks in, like, one never ending paragraph. Have you seen the way she posts online? It's like that, but forever and nonstop in her brain and she just sort of...assembles sentences out of the rudest words that come up in her river of consciousness. Did she ever show you the sleep typing transcript? It was from some kind of invention she came up with to let you write while you sleep and-"

"Oh, that's right! I remember she showed me that."

"Th-then why did you make me keep talking and look like an _idiot_? Wait, no...it's fine. Sorry, old habits. Anyway, I made a copy of it here. she took it to me to ask if there was any symbolism. I _said_ there wasn't so she'd leave me alone because her voice gives me a headache but I'm pretty sure, like, at least a third of this might mean something? Hang on, let me bring out my copy of the transcript...

* * *

**fucked up kid. big bag of chips. wheres mom. miu iruma thats you. failure. i rock. cartoons are cool. paper isnt unbreakable. just make em laugh. miu iruma. dads right but only when he is. dont be lazy. theyre gonna run a train on you. lump massager. everybody hates miu. never stop running. fuck the tube. gotta always say sorry. invent things to make it worse actually. sex drugs rock n roll forever. naughty nurse. gorgeous girl. wake up miu. always be honest unless you have to lie i guess. live each day to your fullest. bitch. gut health is important. fuck off. outta sight outta mind...**

* * *

"S-see? When it says _"theyre (sic) gonna run a train on you"_ that's a d-disgusting innuendo about when she actually got hit by a train and _"naughty nurse"_ probably means M-Mikan doing something to her. I think _"sex drugs rock n roll forever"_ and _"big bag of chips"_ are about how she wants those things. Hifumi said _"paper isnt unbreakable"_ is a manga reference, b-but I don't stoop to reading those. Uhh _," lump massager"_ probably means you t-touching her _udders_." 

_Udders, huh?_ Kaede makes a mental note to call them that later and see how Miu reacts. What? She's allowed to have fun.

"I-I don't want to speculate on why she's so...perverted, because I would never even consider acting like that, however... I don't know if it's only childhood trauma or what happened when she was homeless, but... you know about the hospital, right? When she woke up? I think _that_ must've had something to do with it. Like, imagine you're a stupid eleven year old who's been in a r-real bad situation like she was and all of a sudden you wake up and you've suddenly _grown the body of Miu Iruma_ in a single night? And then you _leave for the outside world_?"

"Wait, Toko, stop. Are you saying she's still-"  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure she's our age in most ways that count, that's just _how Miu is_ from now on. _Your_ ethical dilemma is that you're dating someone that's been hit by a train, not a f-fourteen year old, moron. But...I still don't know if it's right or not. That's the kind of thing _you_ have to figure out. I'm not good at real relationships instead of fictional ones."

* * *

_"When I wake up? I. Am. Gorgeous. I have the body of a Greek Goddess, the libido of a Greek god and the the brain of, like...one of those other, nerdier Greek gods. Look, you know this writing shit, not me! I-I'm not good with names, you gotta help me out here!"_

* * *

"...and that's all I know. I think we're almost done here. I'm sorry, but I have to talk to Ryoma about something in a few minutes. It's confidential." Toko finishes her mug of coffee and places it on a copy of one of her own books, which she uses as a coffee mat. "You...you have an idea what's wrong with her, right? The big one, I mean."

"Y-yeah, I'm building a pretty clear picture. I...just need to put together a few minor details and prepare myself before I'm ready to talk to her. You've been a great help.  
  
'I...I think she tried to keep it a secret from you and keep details vague because she likes you and...she didn't want you digging up info on her like you're doing now. I don't think she has the right idea, which is why I'm telling you this, but...I understand it. We all have secrets we want to hide. The reason she hasn't been telling you is because she really doesn't want you to think less of her. I wouldn't judge her for that, either."

"Thanks Toko. I appreciate it." As Kaede stands up to head to the door she feels the author suddenly grab her sleeve."

"Wait! Kaede! I... I always lied about liking your music.” _Wait, what?_

"...Toko, why would you even tell me that?"

“W-wait! No, I mean _before_ I came to Hope’s Peak, I mean. Wh-whenever I don't have a keyboard in front of me the things I say come out wrong. I... don’t really listen to music in general, but when interviewers always asked me about what artists I like to listen to " _Kaede Akamatsu_ " was always a good appropriate answer. I used to... fantasize about being friends with you. Before here, Even though I didn't listen to your music. It was weird. I thought we might have a lot in common, being teen prodigies in... classical fields. I thought we’d be the same and you’d be lonely like me, but we’re not. It doesn't work like that and I was j-jealous. You’re good at stuff that’s not the piano and now I just write books that nobody in here’s going to read unless I force Keebo to do it. _Sayaka_ says she does, but everyone knows she's a liar. But I’m...thankful you’re talking to me, anyway. It means a lot to me."

“Toko, we _are_ friends and-”

“ _Stop talking to me!_ I’ve...I’ve said enough.   
  
Tell Keebo and Gonta they can come in for the strategy meeting. Maybe talk to Keebo before you talk to Miu. She understands machines, maybe he understands her?"

###  **THE ROBOT, THE DETECTIVE, THE SINGER & THE SOLDIER**

"Miu's programming language is...unique. It's eccentric, is how I would politely describe it. It doesn't play well with other programmers and even then it only kind of works inefficiently when she does it. She accomplished incredible things with it! But it's limited by the fundamental structure she's loosely cobbled from bits of other languages she liked. It ties everything together in a way where you have to sort of make a string of unique profanities for anything to function... I'm trying to think of a better way to explain it. Ah! Do you know what a mnemonic is? My database describes a mnemonic as a system which associates"  
  
"Keebo, I already know what a mnemonic is."  
  
"Oh..." Keebo looked dejected. "Well, I think there may be some kind of clue there."  
  
"Thanks Keebo." Well, that confirms it.

* * *

_They'd just become a couple. Miu mopes after Kaede and sits in the corner while Kaede warms up her fingers on the piano for a few minutes. “Kaede, I swear to god when you finger-bang that fucking piano I can’t even hear myself think!” That’s it. That might be the final straw_

_“Listen Miu, if you don’t want to-”_

_“Please keep going. I’m sorry. My mind’s always turned on and I don’t want to hear myself think any more. I get so tired and it never stops. I’m really sorry.”_

* * *

Kaede eats lunch with Shuichi and Sayaka, who seems distressed about something Kaede knows better than to ask her about. She's been crying. Kaede's waited a week and Shuichi's the one who breaks the silence. "Kaede, I think there's some questions you need to ask Miu yourself. You've been putting it off for a while."

"Yeah, I know. I've...known what's up with her for a while now. I've just been...clearing up as many loose ends as I can before I get to there, you know? Do you know who else figured it out?"

"We were asking some questions about the whole Kirumi thing and Miu had to tell me, but Shuichi had already figured it out."

_"Wait, was Miu..."_

"No, Miu's one hundred percent innocent. We're sure of it." Sayaka stares firmly ahead.

"I'm glad. I know she hasn't been feeling well lately. I know Mikan knows, there was some kind of fight between Miu and her. Toko figured it out as well. She...gave me a lot of the pieces I don't think anyone else had."

"Kirumi and Tenko know as well, but I think that's about it. There was an incident, but they don't want to talk about it and I didn't feel like pressing the issue. I... think she's been doing her best to keep it from you and Kazuichi. Everything she has, but I think it's because she cares about you and doesn't want things to change."

"I see. That makes sense. I'll...speak to her tomorrow."  
  
"Oh, and if there's anything I can do to help with whatever you guys are investig-"  
  
 _"It's fine."_ Kaede's never heard Shuichi speak so forcefully to her before. "S-sorry, there's...a lot going on. This one has to stay confidential." _So he has another sidekick, now? That's good. I'm glad for you, Shuichi Saihara._

* * *

Kaede's trying to work up the courage to talk to Miu when suddenly _Junko Enoshima_ is standing in front of her, twirling her hair. "Heeey, Kaede! 'sup girlfriend! I think my, urgh, boring sister wanted to talk to you, would you like me to go and get her? She said it was, like, really important. We should, like, totally hang out some time! You can show me some of your piano tricks, we can talk about twin things! You'd be a _wayyy_ better sister than, uurgh, _Mukuro_. Give me a minute, lemme see if I can find her..."  
  
Kaede waits patiently while Junko Enoshima walks around the corner and Mukuro Ikusaba comes out. She is _coincidentally_ dressed like Junko Enoshima. Kaede can see a strand of the wig poking out of the corner. "Hey. Akamatsu. Umm...you're going to talk to Iruma, now, right? Did Tsumiki talk to you about the fight they had? No, she wouldn't. I was there, and I just thought I should let you know."

"I...know it happened, but neither of them ever talked about what it was about. I just know that it hurt Miu a lot. Is that what you're here to tell me?"

"...it was about Junko. Iruma and Junko hated never really got along, but I think seeing her...asleep like that really set off something in Iruma's head. She said she could make what Tsumiki was doing better and fix her. She said no and I...wouldn't have let if happen, either because you've seen how most of her inventions turn out, right? It's too much of a risk. But Iruma didn't want to take no for an answer and she looked pretty scary. Like, real intense. Neither of them did the whole "I'm sorry" routine and they just sort of hissed words at each other for an hour until Iruma backed down and ran away crying, like, really badly.

I didn't overhear what they said, and it's not my role to say. But... from what I could tell Tsumiki went in on something really raw to win. But... she really didn't want to say whatever she said. And she regretted it once Iruma left. A whole lot. They both meant it but they didn't _mean it_. Their relationship's...complicated but I don't think either of them were really, like, trying to be malicious. There's a lot of people here who are just kind of messed up and they just found a position where they couldn't compromise. All they could do was see who could hurt the other one most. Look, my sister's the one who's good with words, that's the best I can explain it. I just...thought you should know that that happened. I'm...gonna go look for Junko now. Seeya. Actually, turn around for a minute."

* * *

_"And back to the swear words. I'd say it makes you sound like a thirteen year old, but oops! I remember you when you were thirteen and you sounded a lot smarter when you didn't talk."  
_

_"Yeah, and I remember your fucking name, Mikan Tsumiki, I know you better than anyone. You can scratch whatever little itch you want and never leave a mark, right? I bet she'll be none the wiser because you're such an expert in touching the skin."_

_"It's true, I'm a professional. I've injected things thousands of times but never left a scar, unlike you. I grew up the same way you grew up and I can recognise those marks anywhere. Did it make you feel any better, Miu? Did it help you forget?"  
_

_"Did Junko really ask you to make her like this, or are you scared that I'll fix her and make her better and she'll start asking questions about what her precious little ragdoll's been up to this entire time?. You've got your fingers right where you want them, haven't you?"_

_"Always with the innuendo, Miu. Is that what you do when you can't remember what you actually wanted to say? Stall for time and try and make me angry with cheap accusations while you try to come up with a real argument?"  
_

_"She's just something pretty for you to take care of and play house with! You want everyone else to be hurt just like you were so you can take care of them. Junko has a problem and you don't even want me to try to fix it because when it comes down to it you want Junko to stay broken."_

_"Oh, really? You think you can just fix it? Let me ask you a question: Miu, do you remember what happened to you at your birthday party? May 12th, the one at the hospital? Because I do. I was there for the whooooole thing."  
_

###  **THE GENIUS**

"Miu, I'm trying to do some party invites, 'cause I figure we could do kind of a slumber party in here if we cleaned this place up! Could I get some names you want on the list?"  
  
“Oh, that’s fucking easy! Miu Iruma, Thomas Edison, Kaede Akamatsu, Daffy Duck, Mono Kuma. First names _and_ last names, that enough for ya? Here’s a question from me, bitch: which end do you want to stick it in tonight, because I’m feeling like-”  
  
“No, I mean real people, from Hope's Peak. Who would you list as your-”  
  
 _ **"...Fuck you, Kaede Akamatsu. Stop."  
  
** "MIU, what are you-"_

“ **... _please don’t fucking do this to me_ _._ I'm sorry, and I love you and _I don’t want you to do this to me._ ”**  
  
“...I’m sorry, Miu, what do you-”  
  
 **“I _know_ you’re trying to figure out what the fuck’s _wrong_ with me and you've been asking everyone for all the little pieces I've been trying to hide from you. I'm _sorry_!"**  
  
"...oh, you realised, huh?" 

“ **...Kaede, I’m not fucking _stupid_ , please _don’t do this to me._ I love you, I'm sorry, please don't be a bitch and do it to me like this. ASK. Just _spray it in my face._ I'm not _good_ at _solving mysteries_ , which is what this stupid fucking place seems to be all about. And if you’re _about_ to ask what I think you’re about to ask then you probably already know why that is. Just _trust me to tell the truth for once_ , please, I'm not a fucking _GAME_. I’ll either have the answer or I won’t, so just _say whatever the fuck you want to say_ instead of being a _pussy_ about it and don't do this stupid cat and mouse bullshit because it _stresses me the fuck out_ , PLEASE. Ask your question already. Spit it out or swallow it down!”**

**"Miu, _I'm sorry!_ I didn't realise you-"**

** "You could have just asked me _a month ago_ instead of _playing detective!_ Spit or swallow, Kaede! SPIT OR SWALLOW!" **

**_“MEMORY PROBLEMS: HOW BAD ARE THEY?!?”_ **

_"..."_

"They're not getting worse." _  
  
"..."  
_

**"...but they're _real fucking bad_ , Kaede. There's stuff I can't remember from _yesterday._ It’s not some "wacky Miu Iruma bullshit", I just _genuinely don’t know what the fuck I’m doing half the time._ "**

* * *

_Miu, is May 12th your real birthday? Or did the doctors just take pity on poooor little Miu and throw her a fun surprise party where their very special patient could get a brand new one. Tee-hee! I could be bluffing, but you’d have to check your student handbook to find out, wouldn’t you?"_

_Because I know your memory got so scrambled up in that train accident that you can't even remember the birthday that's written in there either. You don't even have a birthday any more because in your head you're still always going to be eleven, aren't you? You can't fix her and you couldn't even fix yourself properly because all you can do is invent new ways to make everything in your life worse. I’d ask you to go back to sleep and look pretty for me so I can like you again, but I have Junko now so I don’t even need a Miu. Maybe we’ve even had this argument before, but you wouldn’t know. Get out of my office, run away from wherever it is you call home, get lost and cry like you always do, you stupid little failure._

* * *

"The doctors at the hospital said it's not going to get any worse, but I might even only have a couple more years until it's as good as it's ever going to be. That's so fucking _scary_. I have good days and bad days, but...I don't know how hard it's going to hit at any given time and sometimes there's things I just fucking forget one day. I can always remember inventions, cartoon shows, profanity, sex shit, you and the coma. Probably a bunch of other things too. I've got the smartest brain left alive in the fucking world and it's _broken_."

Miu rolled over on her side and Kaede crawled around behind her and squeezed as hard as she could. Miu was the best squeeze in the Academy and Kaede knew Miu would have said something like that except worse if she wasn’t sniffling right now. Her hair still smells extremely like fried chicken. "Miu, I'm sorry... I didn't know."

“Of course you didn’t, because even if I act fucking stupid a bunch of the time and even if I can't remember stuff I'm still I'm still a fucking genius at hiding it and I can work out 99% of the stuff going on here even if I don’t remember it! I just find ways around it most of the time. Made it nearly... a few months, right?”

"That's right. You did a really good job."

"Don't fucking _patronize_ me, bitch. I'm the same age as you are, probably." Miu was in that kind of mood again, but Kaede's been here before. "If I needed a babysitter our class already _has_ one of those and if I wanted to sleep with her I'd just try'n slit my wrists again and go to the fucking _sad girls' room_ in the hospital like that one time with Kokichi so I can stare back and forth with her all day like she does with her fucking _autistic_ friend who-"

" _Miu_! That's not a-" Her girlfriend's ranting so fast that Kaede didn't even catch the bit before that, which is probably for the best.  
  
"No, I'm not saying it like that! I-it's the truth and I'm _not_ lying! _She is and I'm not trying to be mean_ to her but, like, for fucks's sake! That's the whole fucking problem, isn't it?" Alright. Let's just leave it like that for now and try a different angle.

“Miu...why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Because it’s _humiliating_ , and not in the way makes me fucking _gush_ downstairs involuntarily, as you well know. I’m, snfff, meant to be a genius, no, I _am_ a genius, but I also know I’m also a huge obnoxious bitch who’s horny all the time and everyone _hates_. If people don’t at least think I’m smart then I’ve got _nothing_ left except my crack and my rack and that _makes me just like my mom_.” She retreats further into Kaede's hug, legs drawing closer to her stomach like she’s trying to avoid the world. "I _know_ people here don't like me. There are maybe four people here who like me because I'm me and the rest of them like me because I'm your girlfriend and you cover for me when I'm being myself." Miu fidgets, like she always does. Her clothes are always one size too small for her, after all. 

* * *

_"Y-you think I'm suspicious? I-I don't even know where the gym is!" She didn't._

* * *

"So how does it work? Got any hot tips for your hot girlfriend?" _Play up the sex angle, Kaede. That can sometimes calm her down...in a way_

“It really depends on whatever the fuck you’re talking about. There are some things I can remember easily if I just put mnemonics in and figure things out by a process of elimination. If it’s simple stuff I can just put the same clues together each day like it’s nothing. If there’s stuff that hit me in the right place emotionally at some point I can usually do that too, like if I remember a good insult or something really makes me cry, but even then it doesn’t always work. Like a good eighty percent of stuff I can remember normally. But there's this...wall in my head that I can't go through.

Then... there’s some shit I just can’t retain ever. My brain gets trapped in this loop where the information just fades away like I'm back in the coma and I can't break the loop. It's just endlessly fucking looping. I vaguely remember _Mikan_ hitting me with a trick question about my birthday a few months ago and she was right, because now I can’t remember what _the question_ was and I’ve tried to memorize the one in my student handbook a _million_ fucking times and I can't do it. _My birthday can’t fucking exist in my brain!_ The only reason I even _remember_ Mikan saying that shit to me is because I shut down and fucking cried in bed for the next week... you heard about the thing with Mikan, right?"  
  
"I...got the gist of it, I think."  
  
"I told _Cunt-Fu_ to memorize my birthday in case this ever comes up again, but then I changed my mind because I think she already figured out too much about all of this stuff and her brain’s fucking small enough that I don’t want to waste any space on my bullshit and it’s only things that make me sad, anyway.” Miu's mood swings are becoming more rapid, but this means she's probably going to get exhausted soon and tire herself out hopefully. 

“Anything I can do to help? It sounds really...frustrating.”

“FRUSTRATING?!? I’m not fucking edging over here! Sorry, indoors voice, I'm trying not to shout. I’m used to it, I just fucking hate it and I hate _me_. If your ass didn’t make me horny as hell I’d still probably have to hang around you because you’re, snff, a huge fucking Pollyanna and you do your fucking job a lot of the time, but I’m having a terrible fucking day today and you’re not even doing that right now.” 

“ ...my job? Miu, I don’t _understand_ , what do you-”

“ _You're meant to be the good one_. You were meant to _correct me_. If people don't _correct me and tell me I'm wrong_ it's way fucking harder for me _to figure this shit out_! I- I think that's why I fucking do it half the time, even if I could say other stuff! _I can remember the names I call them, that's the fucking clue I work backwards from._ Did you know she figured all this shit out _first_? Even though I've acted like a huge bitch like _this_ to her probably every day of my life, you know what? As far as I’m aware she hasn’t fucked me over, ratted me out or said a word about this to anyone _once even though at this stage she probably has the fucking right_!"

"...correct you on what, Miu? I don't _understand_ what you’re talking about. I want to help you, but you have to _help me_. _Please_." Miu just reaches her hand back and squeezes Kaede’s knee, silent in the same way she gets when she’s working on one of her projects. Eventually she turns over to look at Kaede and she just looks weary.

"...her name's not _"Cunt-Fu",_ it's _Tenko_ , isn't it? My friend's name is Tenko Chabashira. I just figured that one out now. I-I can usually do it quicker than that."

* * *

_Tenko's nearly stopped limping from when Maki stabbed her. Nekomaru's physiotherapy really is the best. "...I messed up really badly. I was asking about her dad."  
  
"Wait, I knew he was in prison a few times, but I don't think you should have judged him-"  
  
"No, that's the thing! She was in a really good mood that day and not being mean to anyone! Open to friendly discussion! I was asking about her dad because for an actual common male criminal they seemed to have a...super wholesome relationship, so I wanted to learn more about him! But I... wasn't thinking. She just sort of made this... horrible choking noise and shut down. She wasn't even crying. She was roommates with Kirumi at the time and we managed to carry her there, where nobody could see her. Kaede, when she figures it out she also figures out that she keeps forgetting it." Mikan pulled that punch at the last second and still never really forgave herself for thinking about it._

* * *

"...you know you're allowed to leave, right? Now you know my dark fucking secret this is your one opportunity to leave because you think my tits are now unethical. Otherwise? You're fucking locked into this bitch of a relationship until the world's gone back to normal again and we die of old age. Unless you walk out this door right now you're my caretaker, pussy attendant and keyboard player for the rest of your natural life." Miu gives Kaede a backrub while Kaede checks the handbook chat to find out what these weird dreams people keep talking about are. 

"Miu, I was already taking care of you! Now I just know why, idiot. Geeze, you make it sound like it's a bad thing." Kaede sighs. She was already committed to this. "Now I know the gorgeous girl genius has a leak in the golden brain, so I guess now all you've got are your good looks."  
  
"Fuck you!" Miu continues kneading Kaede's back, still a little burnt out from all the emotions of the last few hours. "But fuckin' seriously, you know that argument with Mikan? The birthday one? _Don't blame her_. Please. I don't even remember what it was about, but... I was probably in the wrong, like I usually fucking am. She took care of me for years and I _probably_ accused her of doing all kinds of nasty shit that isn't even _true_. I remember her from when I was asleep and she was the one who brushed my hair. She was always scratched up but she had nice eyes, like a donkey. She's weird but _she wouldn't hurt anyone ever_."  
  
"I won't blame her. I like Mikan and I like you and I'll boss everyone else around here into liking you too if I have to. You'll be just as popular as Sayaka before you know it."

"You know I had to tell _her_ all about this, right? She was hanging out with...don't tell me, I've got this. Hang on. Shuichi! I can usually do those two without too much trouble. They accused me of all kinds of shit because someone framed Kazuichi and me for that fucked up stuff with the cable. I said I didn't know where the gym was and they thought I was lying, but _I really didn't remember it._ That's how bad it gets. Do you think those two are banging? She's kind of like his new you, right?"

"N-no! I never even kissed Shuichi, what're you talking about? He would never."  
  
"I'm not saying it's a bad thing even if you did! I was just thinking about how _good_ it'd be if my guy Shuichi started slaying some puss already! He deserves it! Not mine, though, I gotcha babe. Wouldn't be the first, with _Sayaka_."

"MIU."  
  
"H-heeeee!"

"Sayaka's been having... a _lot_ of problems with people saying stuff like that. When has _she_ ever been mean to _you? Ever?"  
  
_ "...I-I'm sorry. I just do it automatically. I-I _think_ I saw her by the pool wearing that little _swimsuit_ of hers the day you went to see Mikan, which I still know you did, and she made some very snide comments, but who am I to judge? I probably did too, though and she's got good legs she wants to show off that are, like... _shit, that's the fucking issue,_ right? I know exactly how that fucking feels and I do it anyway. The only person I should call a cumdumpster is me. I always figure this out way too late and by that point I've already said whatever's wrong because my brain filters everything through to sound like that so I can speak fast. I get caught in the loop and whenever I try and get out it feels like there's something around my neck holding me back and it _chokes_ me when I don't speak like that." 

"...it's OK, Miu. I know. You always apologize right away and... I think it's cute when you do that. I think it's pretty amazing that you managed to make your brain work like that at all. That's incredible!"

"Yeah, _duh_ , as I keep saying, I'm a fucking _genius_! How hard is _that_ to remember? I found a bunch of little shortcuts to start thinking good again because I'd been asleep for fucking _years_ and I couldn't afford to waste any time. As soon as I had enough mobility to grab the remote control I found whatever music videos on the TV were as close to porn as I could so I could learn how my body works, get used to having pussy hormones and skip the filler content. Couple of months later? I can almost do a cartwheel, except not really and that kind of forced the hospital's hand in buying me some new clothes that _I_ got to choose which weren't a bunch of boring gowns because I didn't actually have nothing from before the accident. All the doctors were super fucking impressed."

"What was it like in there, anyway? You stayed there for a while, right?"

"I dunno. For a hospital it was fancy as shit, better n' any place I ever thought I'd get to. I'm surprised they let Mikan through the door. She left a couple months after I woke up to finish middle school. I think it was some kind of private joint, but for me they did everything on the house because I started to make them a fuck-ton of money by inventing some new medical stuff. God, it was so fucking boring! I need constant stimulation and everything in that boring, grey place was so fucking sterile! Half the time they didn't even have any fucking color on the walls until they built me my own room as a reward because only _I_ was special. I got a laptop and a walk in closet and and stickers on the wall and nobody else was allowed to go into there but me because I was probably naked, as you well know."

"Sounds like you were pretty comfortable there."

"I'm never fucking _comfortable_ unless I'm getting my brains pilled and my holes filled, but it was fucking fine. Whatever. _They_ said it was because they liked having me there but _I_ know it's actually because I found a better way to do plastic surgery because I wanted a cuter nose that looked like, y'know. The model. The blonde skank. Not me _or_ Kaede. She's a bimbo but not the princess. _We know her._ Kaede, _this is where you have to help me out_."  
  
"...Junko?"

"Fucking _BITCH!_ God, she's so fucking _lazy_. She needs to wake the fuck up already before I yell at Mikan about it! Anyway, they said I wasn't allowed to get it until I was 18 and I think I left there a couple of weeks after and that was that. Seriously, the world ended before anyone but super rich people could get it, but it'd easily shave five years off your face and make you look like, y'know. The creepy gaslighter from out class."

"Kokichi?"  
  
" _Don't mention his fucking name._ He might _hear_ you. Everyone here says _I'm_ crazy and I look like I'm paranoid and lying all the time because _I can never remember shit_ and I'm not _good_ at arguing, but do you think _I'm_ the only one here who he's hurt? He's _not_ some fucking _misunderstood angel_ with a secret heart of gold and there's something about him that makes people _keep giving him the benefit of the doubt_ and I'm _not_ a fucking lying _whore_ like he says. _I'm_ not the one who's _filthy inside,_ it's _him_ , and he just takes advantage of the fact that I react to that because I'm an easy target. I bet it's a fucking _ability_ , like your fucking piano fingers. He just _makes_ everyone think _I'm_ the liar because _I don't remember what happens_ even if something _did_ happen. We're the _last 48 people alive_ and we're fucking _trapped_ here with him and I dunno what he tried to pull on _the cleaning lady_ and she just doesn't say _anything about anyone_ , which is why I think he _tried_ to go after her, but I saw the look on her face after whatever he did that didn't work, and I don't know what it was and I _didn't_ ask questions because I'm a good girl, but I would have helped that bitch _bury the fucking body without a fucking question_. _He's_ the one who has it coming, _not me._ " 

* * *

_"I ran away from some shitty religious orphanage a few weeks later. When I got there everyone was all boo-hoo-hoo because one of their friends had left to stop being lazy and get a fucking job or go on foreign exchange a couple of days ago or something, but what’d you expect? It’s an orphanage! Kids were disappearing all the time for whatever reason back then and it wasn't as if she was fucking dead. Toko, ignore that bit, it's probably not important to the story because it's not about me.  
  
Some kids on the street later said it was run by some crazy fucked up cult but I’m pretty sure that was just a cover story for them diddling the kids or having no money because the whole thing was one big fucking attempt at tax fraud and, here's the thing I can tell you from experience: Messed up kids are an Easy. Target. Organised religion, right? Never trusted it, the only fuckin' goddess I believe in is the one I look at in the mirror each morning. And let me tell you, it's not Kaede! Bitch. Anyway, my daddy managed to find me a little after that and then everything was good for a while and then POW! The train crash happened."_

###  **BEING HONEST WITH OURSELVES**

Soda and Chihiro are working with the Monokubs to set up some sort of a communications radar. Whatever's happening out there's slowly clearing up enough that they might be able to send a signal to the outside world within the next fortnight.

Kyoko leans on Mahiru's shoulders, they'd gone first and she wasn't wearing her gloves any more. Nobody said anything because bearing the scars was what tonight was all about. Aoi's lying on Sakura's lap, she'd gone next. Not everyone's there, but a lot of them are. They have a little underground forest set up now, which could be a good place for a horror scenario-type killing game to take place in the future. But for them, for now, it's a good place for the girls to camp out. Sayaka sits around the fire pit and prods it with her poker.   
  
"...I did some things I really didn't want to do to follow my dreams and reach the top, but... now it doesn't _mean_ anything any more, right? There's no industry left but me, and now everyone here thinks I'm sleeping around when I'm _not_. There's been, like, three people and none of them at the same time and everyone here just... _assumes I'm like that_. Even when they're not being mean about it, it _hurts_. I-it's not anyone here, but someone _I_ _think of as a friend_ used my name as a _byword_ ." Miu doesn't remember saying anything like that, but she assumes she's done it in the past and feels appropriately ashamed anyway because she _knows_ exactly what that feels like. Kyoko also looks troubled, because something here's not adding up. She nods at Akane, who gives the all-clear. Sayaka takes a gulp from the bottle and passes it around. Before they were probably the last teenagers alive this wine would have been too expensive to drink like this for anyone who's last name isn't Togami, Nevermind, Amami or Ouma.

Maki offers it to Peko, who silently declines. Maki takes a sip and speaks for both of them. "Me and Peko are both trained assassins. I believe you all know this by now, and if not, consider this a confession and not a warning. What we endured was... you can't imagine it. I was _ten_ and Peko started long before that. Torture was routine and done by professionals. They did terrible things to us and we did them to the people we were pointed at. I've...been getting a lot of help for it, but I still have nightmares about getting pushed into the lake _every single night_. I can see the people I've killed down there and they feel _cold_. It nearly killed the girls we were, but it _didn't_. _Peko_ , do you have anything to add?"

"Fuyuhiko is innocent in all of this and is in no way to be held responsible for what was done to me. If he feels that way then it is his decision to make. That is all I have to say." Everyone nods. Maki takes a gulp and passes it around.

"Oh! N-no thank you. I-I don't drink alcohol. I think you all know wh-what my childhood was like, but when I was s-seven I got attacked by some pitbulls and then my parents adopted them as an early Christmas present for me because they said they already loved them more a-and they started breeding more pitbulls and locked me in the basement instead. I-I'm sorry, w-we can go back to me later." There's a long pause, before Sayaka pats Mikan on the back while she continues apologizing and waits for her to pass the bottle around. Mukuro's taking care of her sister tonight.

It's Kirumi who takes it next. She gulps deeply and she speaks for longer than anyone had ever heard her speak before.

"There’s always going to be a little voice in the back of my head whispering to me what I _could_ have been instead. Did you know that the Prime Minister made me take over for him for a fortnight while he played golf? I did a better job as Prime Minister than he ever did, then he said “thank you” and I humbly went on my way to serve my next client. If the world hadn’t ended and I _wasn’t_ the Ultimate Maid I could have _been_ the Prime Minister in ten years. As it is, I’m always going to be the one who does their... dirty work and wipes up the mess because I’m not even a _human_ to them. I’ve heard people here say I’m like a _mother_ behind my back because I do such a _good job_ at taking care of them and they project this idealised vision of a... c- _caretaker_ onto me. I-I mean no offense, Maki."  
  
"None taken. I get it. We're not children and... I don't think we need a mother." Maki looks down when she says this, but she's not thinking about Kirumi, who takes another gulp and continues.  
  
"...that word sickens me, you know? They don’t even use mother half the time, they use “Mom". _"MOM!”_ If I had _ever_ used a word that informal growing up then wouldn’t have been _allowed_ to eat for a day and now they use it on me because they don’t even _respect_ me enough to be _polite_. My former _peers_ don’t see me as a human being either. Present company excluded there are about _four_ people we know left alive on earth that treat me like a _human being_ and another one of them who sees me as a _target_. And in my experience? Most of the time when they do treat me as a human it becomes so uncomfortable for _them_ sooner or later that they either revert back to using me as an appliance or avoid me out of awkwardness but still expect me to _do my job!_

Do you know how much _money_ I had? When _mother_ died I inherited a modest sum of her fortune and it was a drop in the hat because I had _responsibly_ saved up enough at that point to afford to buy a mansion and _hire myself_. But I didn’t, because I was a teenager and had already moved into a tiny apartment which costs nothing because it was irresponsible to have anything _nice_ instead of saving money for something I was _never allowed to figure out!_ Kirumi Tojo hasn’t done anything she’s not proud of _because doing whatever she’s asked to do_ is all Kirumi Tojo is _allowed_ to be proud of! _THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT **"** DOING A GOOD JOB" HAS EVER GOTTEN ME! F-F-F-FUCK THIS, I HATE IT!_"

Kirumi suddenly realizes that she's been shouting, silently takes one last sip of the wine and regains her composure. "My apologies. I implore you all to forget I said any of that.” Another pause, and then everyone nods. There'll be a time for solutions later, tonight you just get the problems off your chest.

* * *

_There's a lake on the other side of the little forest where, unbeknownst to them, the guys are doing approximately the same thing. Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu finishes another beer. "I dunno what to do about it, it's my fuckin' dad, y'know? Beats me." He crushes the can and tosses it to Kaito, who tosses it to Kazuichi Soda._

_Kazuichi takes aim. "Yeah, I getcha...mine beat me TOO!" He pitches it at Leon, who bats it right into the part of the fake sky dome where the moon is. He's still got it._

* * *

Chiaki Nanami pours a tiny bit of the wine into a cup and then drinks it, grimacing. She's not one for alcohol, but she's trying. "I think I'm going to die. Most of you guys know this. I don't think I can talk about why without making it worse, but even before the nightmares started we found out there was something wrong and... it feels like there's no way to escape because it's either me or I drag everyone else down with me, but even then I won't be able to _stop it._ All of my friends are here and they're all trying to protect me, but... _I really don't want to die_. All I can do is sit down and play video games and try to be brave with my friends but I _remember dying now_ and it _hurts_. Over and over again. I need help and I want people to help me but I don't think it's going to be enough." Everyone nods.

They know there's something wrong with this place, but now they can't tell if it's what's trying to hurt them or _what's trying to keep them all alive._  
  
"I... remember dying in my dreams too." It's Kaede's turn. She takes a small swig. "It was something just like this, but not like this. What I remember is that I'd tried to do the right thing, but I _failed_ and that's what I got for it and they _executed_ me. My friends were all there looking at me because they knew I did it and they were judging me and they were _right_. Rantaro said in his dreams I was framed, but that's not true and _I think I really did it_. They _hung_ me and-and-they stoned _me at the same time_ and my neck snapped but it's _not instant after that, you just can't move anymore_ , my tongue was swollen out of my mouth and _they saw me look like that_ , and, and-"   
  
"HEY!" Miu squeezes Kaede around the waist and pinches her cheek to stop her from hyperventilating any more than she already has. That usually works. "Finger-food here needs some time to cool off. Anybody got anything that's _not_ about dying? Mine's kind of long, does anyone else wanna go next? Sorry, I know I'm speaking out of turn, but-" 

"It's fine." Sakura takes the bottle of wine and doesn't drink it, but she does look at her reflection. "I...wanted to prove that a woman could become the strongest human being alive, but now I'm afraid it's only because everyone stronger than me died before I got a chance to defeat them. A victory by default proves nothing. I realise that's not a lot, but...it still bothers me. "

Akane Owari drains the rest of the wine bottle and then cracks open the next one. "Everyone says my childhood was just as bad as most of you guys, I even had a bunch of step-siblings to feed and take care of like Maki! But I don't really want to compare shit because that stuff's impossible to figure out. The thing is... I don't feel sad about it and when people try and talk to me about it and they act like I'm meant to be fucking hurt, when it _doesn't hurt_ me. And they're probably right, but I just _don't get it_ and it makes me feel _stupid_..."

* * *

_What Kokichi Ouma likes about Kaede is that she always carries that backpack around with her whenever she's doing anything and never checks to see if he's put a bug in the lining. There was already a whole lot of good material to work with here tonight, but if he were going to be honest with the voyeurism was just a thrill in and of itself. But being honest was never his strong suite. His presumed his counterpart probably felt the same way._

* * *

...I-I understand that I’m an ugly, antisocial pig, but tht-hat doesn’t mean I don’t perfectly _understand_ a lot of things about how interpersonal relationships work. H-how else do you think I sold so many books? The problem is that I’m never able to apply that knowledge to my own case, obviously. It's a blind spot! Just because you know what the correct decision is doesn’t mean you’re going to take it, right? I think we all have that problem to some extent. I-I tried to get autobiographical about this stuff in the foreword to one of my books, but I-"

"Oh, _Blue Thread from the Scarred Mountain_ , right? I thought that one was really good!"

Toko Fukawa stares into the fire. She'd always just assumed Sayaka was lying about reading them because she's a liar.  
  
"...thanks, Sayaka. Nobody talk to me for now. I need to drink more wine." She takes big gulp and passes it over to Miu.

The inventor only takes a sip, because she has to concentrate. It's the look she has when she's inventing and almost all the parts of her brain are all soldered together properly. She knows everyone here's been warned not to comment on anything she says, but she's fine with that. Hers is the long one.

"Alright, I wanna talk about my parents. I know some of you fuckers have been trying to figure out whatever's _wrong_ with me like you're all so fucking perfect, so here's the one fucking chance you're going to get to put together the final pieces. If any of you speak about this outside'a here or want to judge me then keep in mind I may have already built something to send out a cunt punt from anywhere in this fucking academy. I've tried it on me and it will _ruin your entire week_.

People say my daddy was a bad person, but he just made some impulsive decisions and I _know_ he isn’t. He just had a rough lifestyle because sometimes that’s what happens in life. All the bad traumatic shit that happened to me before I became me was from my mom’s side of the family. _Not. Him._ He was _always_ a good dad and when he’s around he takes better care of me than any foster home or orphanage they’ve tried and put me in did. Even when he _was_ locked up he'd always call me no matter what and listen to me and let me know exactly what was going on in there.

Mom? She _was_ a bad person, which sucks because Iruma's _her_ family name. She just had me to keep _him_ from leaving, drained all his fucking money and the she left us. Then she came back and did the same thing all over _again_ before she found an even worse boyfriend, somehow, and then she came back one more time just to take me with her for _leverage_. She was a fuckin’ narcissist and a pro con artist and the only things I got from her my great skin, perfect pitch and amazing rack. But... I still miss her, ya know? I was an ugly brat, but she still used to say _my good looks would go down in history_ , which I guess I kind of just went with. She had a naughty nurse outfit for her job that she used to let me wear and on me it looked like was a kid's nurse costume. We had the same hair. She smelled nice and I never found out what the scent was."

When everything went down dad was in court, and then he was in prison. I don't remember all the details because I was fucking nine, but my mom's new boyfriend wasn't a good person and I just had to fucking bail out of there. I don't remember a lot of what happened around then and I don't want to, so I'm not going to. I lasted on the streets for two months, got sent to this shitty fucking orphanage which I ran away from after, like, a week. It fucking sucked! When my dad got out and found out what had happened to me he was pissed, but he kept his cool, found where I was because he could get people on the streets and knew some Crazy Diamonds from the scrap shop he used to work at. And then he _didn't_ do the wrong thing and that _doesn't_ make him a fucking coward because _he had to take care of me and when I found my way back home he was always there._

Just after I turned eleven he'd saved up to take me to, like, REAL doctors and psychiatrists and shit who could have me _diagnosed_ for stuff and help me. I only realised when I was looking at the hospital bills I'd racked up a few years ago how much that must’ve cost him, you know? I never really appreciated at the time because of course I fucking didn't! All I knew is that we had no money and I didn't know it was because of me. They said I had a bunch of everything from repressed traumas to unrepressed traumas to ADHD, schizophrenia and the whole rest of the fucking bingo card. I really didn't like that idea because it meant I wasn't normal, which I wasn't, so we kind of got into an argument in the back of the car and I was yelling, like, a lot. It was super dark, then there was this huge fucking light and then I fell asleep."

* * *

_"I used to play inventor some times, because that's what I wanted to be, and my daddy used to take me to the junkyard to find stuff to play around with. The closest thing I ever managed to get to inventing stuff was badly soldering together a coffee grinder, VCR and answering machine with the old iron he was teaching me to use. He's a dumbass sometimes, but he's not stupid like other people say and he was good with his hands and he was nice to me. He fixed it up so everything fit together properly. It did absolutely nothing, but he put it in on the old coffee table anyway."_

* * *

"So when I started being able to walk around and invent stuff I heard from _mom_. She called me on the phone and I _heard her voice again_! She said that I sounded like I’d become a sexy young lady and that she’d pick me up, bring me home with her so I could have at least _some_ kind of home again instead of that shitty fucking third rate hospital. I thought we could fuckin’ _reconnect_. She never did. Bitch somehow snuck in, _took_ the huge fucking cheque I'd gotten to take care of myself because she was still _technically_ my legal guardian and then drove off again two hours before I could get downstairs. I never heard from her ever again. 

I didn't know anywhere to go after that and I got sad, so I just sort of wandered onto the street, took some money out of an ATM, which, by the way, I _always_ payed back afterwards _with interest_ because that was the right thing to do and that bank had _no right_ to be angry with me. The staff from the hospital found me a few months later and took me back in because I’d gotten kind of really fucked up on the streets. Also they owed me some cash for some of the things I invented and it turns out I was a real fucking moneymaker for them. They put me up in a hotel room for a little bit and helped me get legally emancipated, then I got bored and moved to a different hotel and then another one. Usually they kick me out after a couple weeks because I party too hard, but I made enough money to get by from inventing stuff every couple of months until some stuff with the bank happened and I wound up here, which was clearly a mistake because this place sucks...

...I think the hospital thing happened again at some point...or the hotel thing might've been a just a couple of times... but also they might have always had a normal girls' bedroom at the hospital set aside for me just in case I found my way back again. I didn't realize it could have been an actual home for me until now. Or maybe it was and I forgot. Shit. I don't remember. The fucking timeframe doesn't make sense to me. I'm sorry. I had it but I don't have it anymore.

She just abandoned me again."

* * *

_A younger, chirpier Miu Iruma is the loudest patient in the ward and still getting used to her sexy new body, which she’s enjoying VERY much and is more than happy to show anyone around her. The hospital admin were so impressed they gave her a little room of her own with her name on it, away from where all of the chump patients could see. She's already done a bunch for them so as far as they're concerned she can stay there as long as she wants. She’s talking excitedly at a million miles an hour, like she’s making up for lost time and "hasn't regained use of her Paragraph Muscles", which is about the level of humor the doctors are used to dealing with. There's a sparkle in her eyes._

_“Miu, do you remember what happened before the coma?”_

_“Sure, doc! Alright, so I was angry at my dad about some bullshit that went on at the psych’s office and we were kind of yelling at each other, right? It was super fucking dark and I’m pretty sure all of a sudden our car stalls. What actually happened now that I’m thinking about it is there was a power outage and the level crossing didn’t come down because the design was so fucking shitty, it seems so obvious. We lived in the shittiest part of the country because we had no fucking money, but that’s still a safety hazard and if they haven’t fixed it up by now I’ll draw you a way to do it and y’all can make a bunch of cash as thanks for wiping my ass for all of these years, shit-wipes. Waste of a fucking degree! Or did you always get the nurse with the bad haircut to do it? And why's everyone always so fucking mean to her! Anyway, because it was so dark we couldn’t see where we were and I was yelling so loud we didn’t see the train coming down the line until it had already hit us, basically. The whole car basically crunched up front to back around me super tight, the train sort of ate up the whole right side of it and then I remember my legs twisting back the wrong way, my spine made a weird noise and that was about it. Like if you get a big bag of chips and you stomp on it, except the chips are me. I’ll get whoever the horniest doctor you have is to take a good look at those legs after this because I’m pretty sure according to that textbook I just read there, very interesting by the way, there should be more scarring and I shouldn’t be able to learn to walk again in a couple of weeks, let alone piss properly. By the way, what sort've schedule are we looking at there with the piss thing? Because the current method's still funny but super fucking inconvenient. Anyway, the point is that y’all have got some explaining to do about why I'm suddenly so fucking perfect. Anyway, that car was such a poorly designed piece of shit and it’s a miracle I didn’t die in there. Where is daddy dearest, anyway? I haven’t seen that fucker in ages._

_“Yes, about that. Miu, I mean, Miss Iruma- ”_

_“...and when you call him can you tell you tell him I love him and I’m real fucking sorry for yelling at him? I’m really sorry.”_

###  **THE ANSWER**

They're going to try and send the signal out in forty eight hours and Miu's helping. Miu types away at her laptop in a language only she really gets, completely absorbed in her task while Kaede listens to music on her headphones and just stares at her, pondering what Miu Iruma _is_ apart from luscious. She understands what Miu is now, but she can't find the way to describe it.

Miu Iruma _shouldn't_ work and she _shouldn't_ be functional, but she is. She shouldn't be loveable, but she _really, really_ is. 

Her mind's leftover pieces from a hundred broken machines that've fallen into the bottom of junkyard and ground up against each other. Some of the bits still work and they run up against some other bits that don't, but the gears inside them do and they slowly assemble into something that can _do something._ None of the pieces were designed with that purpose in mind, but it works nevertheless. A dozen of those machines assemble and form a whole. She takes the long way around in an incredibly inefficient manner to get even the simplest tasks done in a way that seems absurdly self-contradictory but _it still works._ Maybe if the machines worked as intended they could still do great things, but as they are now she uses that impossible, fragile complexity to create _miracles_.

The metaphor's on the tip of her tongue. She's like a living breathing one of those things...   
  
Oh! There it is.

_**She's like a Rube Goldberg machine!** _

* * *

_"Attagirl, you're a funny kid. Miu, if you ever get lost and can't find your place all you've gotta do is make enough fuss for the whole world to revolve around you. I could never do that, but you're golden, you've got the fuc-...I mean, freakin' lungs for it. I don't really know what that means, I just invented that, but it sounds good. Like something a smart person would say. You're gonna be smart for real, though."_

**\- NAME UNKNOWN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Miu Iruma's going to work her hardest every day to be the best Miu Iruma she can be.**
> 
> That was a long one. Miu and Kaede's story is mostly done for a while, and they're going to take a bit of a back seat and be a bit more secondary. They can each take care of each other and watch each others' back, which will be _very_ important due to upcoming events. Miu _genuinely_ wasn't trying to be judgemental regarding Peko in any way, but sometimes she just jumps the gun and stuff like that comes out of her mouth before she realizes how it can be interpreted and also she just speaks like that.
> 
> If the world hadn't ended then Miu's room would always have been waiting for her back at the hospital when she figured stuff out and realised she'd already built a loving, patient family there who didn't just care about the millions of dollars she'd made them and life-saving research she'd done while fucking around. She really was their favourite patient. She would have become the best medical researcher ever and invented a _"Cure for AIDS that makes you gay"_ which she'd insist was not offensive. She can't remember her bank account details a lot of the time so she literally just takes money out of the ATM and puts it back in another ATM with some "apology bucks" once she makes more and that's why the banks are always very cross with her.
> 
> This is the second chapter I'm mostly happy with and I'm going to take a little break for a while now to focus on doing push-ups and then when I come back I'll update the description to more accurately reflect what this story's becoming. Miu Iruma is not a realistic depiction of mental illness, but I do have a lot of them and also I got concussed a couple of times and that sucked. If you play Kirumi's free time events the one thing she's very firm on is that she hates being called "mom" so fucking much.
> 
> You might notice a couple of recurring patterns and things happening in the background which may or may not be relevant to where this is slowly headed. The bit about Miu being augmented, on the other hand, was probably just a joke about boobs. There's a very important clue to someone else's plot in chapter 3 you can line up with something here.
> 
> #### NEXT(?) CHAPTERS(S):
> 
> _I have no idea where we'll head next, but it looks like the countdown to something big happening is nearly upon us and we just have a couple of threads to chase up. If there isn't a killing game then Byakuya is preparing keep it that way and if there is then Byakuya is also prepared to win, because you have to be practical. Nagito is on his side. It's not so much about who you can trust as who you very specifically can't trust._
> 
> _If there isn't going to be a killing game then why are we going over every clique in the academy's hypothetical preparation for one?_
> 
>   
> _There's a lot more going on with Ibuki than anyone realizes, because she's always having too much fun rocking out and living the Ibuki Mioda lifestyle! Sex, drugs and rock n' roll forever!_  
>    
> If you have any questions, comments, feedback or suggestions just hit me up because, as always, I'm completely out of ideas.


	12. Self-Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### 
> 
> **Byakuya checks his email and notices that Kirumi made a spelling error. Maki appears in Kirumi's dream.**
> 
> _"I... don't know if Kirumi likes it when we you call her that-"_   
>  **-Shuichi Saihara, Former Ultimate Detective**
> 
> _"It's OK, Shuichi. You're my sidekick and I believe in you."_  
>  **-Kaito Momota, not actually listening**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just putting a couple of little pieces in place here between the slightly more serious chapters. Let's all sit back and enjoy a stress-free time with our good old friend Kirumi Tojo, whom many would consider to be the "mom" of the group.

* * *

**Kirumi Tojo,** The Ultimate Maid, diligently preforms her tasks while the rest of her friends in the class stand around and look at her appreciatively, without helping. There's dust everywhere.

"Wow, Kirumi, you're just like a mom!" _Not quite, but if you require me to-_

"Kirumi, you're the best mom..." _My thanks, I appreciate the sentiment, but I must insist that-_

"Atua be praised, Kirumi is like a diligent mother, nyahaha!" 

"Kirumi truly is like good mother..."  
  
"Awww, geeze, Kirumi, you're like a mom!" _Please, I really would find it a lot easier to complete my tasks if-_  
  
"Beautiful..."  
  
"FUCK YOU, MOM!" _That's slightly better, I will make note of that for later, but still-_

The students from the other classes are crowding around her now and they're making more work for her but they're also getting in the way and they're calling her that word.  
  
"Mom, mom, mom, mom..." _Why is my skin so dry? Why can't I say anything? My throat is dry and oh god the itching is back and-_

A short, pale girl approaches her, with long black hair in ridiculously giant pigtails. She has sleepy eyes and a little smirk on her mouth like she's going to make some trouble. She's simultaneously a teenager with blood on her hands and ten years old and covered in soot and the blood is getting on the carpet and there's soot on all the nice furniture. Oh god, she represents a younger _Maki. No, not her. Anyone but-_  
  
 _"Kirumi, as **Maki Harukawa The Ultimate Orphan, né Ultimate Child Caregiver (which I can't do any more) and Ultimate Assassin** I've...finally accepted my need to show vulnerability in what Hifumi would describe as an important moment of character growth, albeit with Toko's disapproval because she writes books that are actually good. You will need to settle this dispute, as I am currently 'tattling' on them. I...never had parents. I never had a mother, up until now. I'm just a little orphan and you have to adopt me and be my mom, Kirumi. This reminds me of a time in my childhood when I got pushed into a lake a lot and it was probably a little chilly because I needed to feel symbolic warmth, like that of a loving mother. Kirumi...would you be my mother and adopt me? I've...also brought another twenty orphans from my extremely bad orphanage that the Tojo family could probably have funded, but didn't because these kids should have learnt self-reliance like you did, Kirumi, even though you didn't even have to do it and they should have. All orphanages are tax fraud, anyway. They all have skin conditions which they'll probably pass on to you via contact transmission. Even though it's clearly my job and something I already know how to do better than you I think you should adopt them instead, Kirumi. As the Ultimate Maid I'm making this a formal request. Mother. Mom. Will you teach them in my place and...teach me how to be a person again? I see you're blushing, or that could be some stress-induced blemishes showing up on your face. Your hands are dry under those gloves, Kirumi-I mean, mom. By the way, Peko is also coming along with me but also she's my friend who got hit by a train, or was that Miu, maybe my friend was the one who got hit by a car that Rantaro was probably driving because we're all tied together somehow in this crazy old world! Rantaro's got something to do with my whole thing, right? Regardless, she's a key part of the traumatic childhood I've had you memorise details of to help me with my homework, mom, not that you would know anything about that, and she also needs you to-"_

####  **BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

Kirumi wakes up. It's 3:25 AM, her throat is parched and she tells herself she's happy to have woken up from that nightmare even if it's because someone has a vital task they need performed ~~and can't just fucking do themselves~~.

* * *

#### This is Kirumi Tojo's

# Self-Devotion

* * *

Kirumi takes her painkillers, her antacids, cracks her neck, drinks some water because she's dehydrated and her skin is dry everywhere even her lips even though she _has_ been drinking water and, once again, regains her perfect composure. Kirumi, you look fine. Practice your smile in the mirror, just like _mother_ taught you to. Ignore the nausea. One step at a time. Put on your headband, Ultimate Maid. It's dark, so nobody's going to see the dandruff and you don't have to worry about that when someone else needs help. Chihiro needs help dusting the servers. Why do the servers need dusting now? It's not your place to ask, probably some important computer stuff, just dust the servers and the dust makes your skin dry and your eyes itch because you _made a mistake_ and forgot your dust mask. Well, time to go to back to bed and- 

####  **BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

Kaito Momota has gotten drunk with his "bros" and they've all passed out in his room again, which means Maki is sleeping with Peko tonight. Well, that's fine. It just means nobody you respect's got a chance of waking up and watching you clean up this bathroom, which is currently **-DEAR GOD!** Absolute silence, Kirumi. Don't make a fuss. This is how you show your perfect work ethic and get some references listed on your resume for when you- _When you what, Kirumi? There are no jobs left to apply for. Nobody even DOES a job here apart from you, and you're not even getting paid for it. What did all that hard work get you? Pigeonholed for life into a role as a...waitress and a housekeeper to people who DIDN'T do too good of a job because they were the smart ones after all. Do you think there's an internship waiting for you at the end of the apocalypse? And now you're one of the 47 people left alive and still the maid. Great job, Kirumi._

Kirumi Tojo's almost too nauseous to walk back to her room, where goes back to sleep at 4:49 AM after throwing up in the toilet and then cleaning it again. She's up at 5:45 because that's when her day begins. Dehydrated again. She's only just recovered from whatever that rash is, but the aggravation doesn't stop and it reminds her of when she was a kid, before she learned discipline and scratched herself all over because it was _itchy_. Never mind that. It's breakfast time. Take a cold shower, apply the ointment Mikan gave you, wash your face off in the mirror and do something about those bags...under...your...eyes. She has bags under her eyes. Bags. Under. Her. Eyes.

Kirumi Tojo has bags under her eyes. She takes another cold shower, then heads off to find Maki. Maki's always up early and has experience in deprogramming people, but it's also because she hasn't forgiven her for that dream and needs some help with not forgiving people in general. "Maki, I require your personal assistance."  
  
"...Is this optional?"  
  
 **"NO, IT ISN'T. COME WITH ME. THIS INSTANT. YOU'RE _NOT_ IN TROUBLE."   
  
**"...OK?"  
  
"My most humble apologies for this inconvenience, but I really must insist." **  
**

* * *

 **Welcome, B. TOGAMI.** **You have 3 Unread messages.**  
  


 **FROM: H. SAIONJI**  
  
 **SUBJECT:** **Re: Re: Killing Game Alliance (Actual)  
  
** _Uuurgh, I can't believe you're making me ally with Nagito! He's gross and Mukuro would be a waaay more optimal choice. Anyway, I'll have the info tomorrow. I'm gonna delete all your messages after this, we need a more secure way to communicate. Putting aside your crush on Celeste, we've known each other long enough that..._

* * *

**FROM: N. KOMAEDA**

**SUBJECT:** **Killing Game Alliance.  
  
** _Celeste, Byakuya, Hiyoko! I'm so glad that we're all on the same page regarding our plan to prevent this killing game. Truly, I'm grateful for such talented friends as you all. And if a killing game does occur? I'm lucky to have such trustworthy allies. Anyway, I'm afraid I don't have much information to offer, but here's how I think..._

* * *

 **FROM:** **H. SAIONJI**  
  
 **SUBJECT:** **Oh my god!!!** **  
  
** _Did you get that email from the maidservant? It almost looks like the earth's boring-est middle child finally grew a backbone. Possible new friend? Hey, remember when she had that gross eczema as a kid? Sucks that the babysitter did this, though. Anyway, remember you promised me candy at tomorrow's card game <3_

* * *

 **FROM: ~~THE HELP~~** **K. TOJO **[Save Changes?] **< =**  
  
 **SUBJECT: Taking some leave.  
  
** _To My Beloved Peers_

_Please accept this letter as notice that I am taking a period of indefinite leave from my duties as The Ultimate Maid for personal reasons, pending any further announcements. As a result this means the suspension of all the services I have been providing (without pay, I may add) up until this point. My decision is final._

_You will each find a detailed instruction letter under your pillow containing detailed instructions on how to wash your own laundry, wash your dishes, cook your own food should Teruteru be unavailable, tidy your own rooms, iron your own linen and scrub your own bathrooms. You may still feel free to ask whatever you want of me. However, please be advised that it’s highly possible that (pending the nature of your request) I may respond with phrases such as “no”, “do it yourself”, “go away”, “buzz off” and other terms that I do not yet feel comfortable typing but may be well inclined to do so in the future. Please note that there will also be many less apologies for my behaviour in the future, depending on whether there was any actual fault in my actions._

_I am more than adequately trained in several martial arts and am prepared to go so far as to break one (1) bone in your body for every time you refer to me with words like “mom”, “mother, “the maid”, “the janitor”, “servant”, “sweet-cheeks” or “you” (said in an insufficiently respectful manner). You will receive one warning lasting a currently undefined period of time, depending on the severity of your rule violation pending a medical certificate, pre-approved excuse or adequately simpering apology (See “Iruma’s Clause”, she has all three). I am not your mother. I am not a mother. I am not motherly. I am a teenage girl of approximately your own age (in fact, slightly younger than most of you, despite my behaviour). Mikan has been warned in advance and she is not strong enough to stop me._

_I implore you not to worry about my wellbeing and assure you that I am not going anywhere, and will still be around so that we may enjoy each others’ presence. In the following few days you are highly encouraged to greet me as I follow a set schedule of activities such as relaxing my posture, finding out if I have an “outdoors voice”, wearing clothes that let me feel air on my skin, not washing said clothes and wearing them again for a second day, getting a massage from someone else, wearing a hat, playing drinking games with “the boys”, of whom I have decided to become “one of”, using brusque language and hanging out with my friends who respect me as a human teenager with feelings and urges and desires, of which I have yet to decide upon. Appropriate greetings include: “Hello Kirumi”, “Hey Kirumi”, “Kirumi, would you like to hang out without acting disgustingly servile?” and using an affectionate nickname for me which has yet to be decided upon._

_Maki Harukawa has decided to hold a small, informal gathering to commemorate my departure from this role in the games room, which most of you are invited to attend. If you are not invited to attend you will find attached a supplementary note which has alternate instructions on what I will do if I find you within the premises, with a diagram of where I will shove it. There will be cupcakes, potato crisps and red wine which, were I to spill some on the carpet, I do not plan on halting my current activities to treat appropriately because we have The Monokubs to do that and it seems counterproductive to have me constantly on my knees wiping up messes which even they are capable of handling. For those of you who do not enjoy drinking alcohol there will also be soda and a number of non-alcoholic mixers provided, which Tsumugi Shirogane has offered to bartend using her considerable bartending skills. I would like to thank her for this._

_I respect Maki as both a friend who has encouraged me in these endeavours, as well as one of the thirteen (13) people here other than myself educated in the art of picking their own underwear off the floor, as much as I have loved doing that every day for months. Here are six (6) other names who I would like to add to that list: Hajime Hinata, Gonta Gokuhara, Mahiru Koizumi, Sakura Ogami, Kiyotaka Ishimaru and, you may be surprised to learn, Mondo Oowada. If necessary I am prepared to reveal the other six (6) names on the list, as well as interesting details I have noted about those who, regrettably, did not make the cut. Some of you may find it most interesting that it was actually the female portion of our peer group who seem to have had the most trouble in this area. Perhaps they thought I would be more comfortable dealing with troubling and problematic room situations within my own gender? I regret to inform you that I was not._

_In my time as The Ultimate Maid, which I mostly sincerely enjoyed, I was a witness to many highly amusing events involving every single student within this academy of which I may be persuaded to reveal select details of unless someone cleans MY room after I tip all MY clothes on the floor even though I only have five uniforms and they all look the same. This will also change. You may not look at my underwear._

_I would remind everyone that I have seen everyone do everything and the majority of you did not even consider whether I would be uncomfortable or not during multiple occasions (of course, a number of exceptions apply). In addition there is one student who did and pursued highly inappropriate actions in order to deliberately upset me and possibly cause me harm. It did not work in provoking a response from me, but as you may note from the prior contents contained within this letter I will be displaying significantly less mercy in the future and a lot more skin. I have decided upon a policy of amnesty for both this student and the mysterious culprit responsible for the industrial accident which, I emphasise, Kazuichi Soda is not responsible for and played a large part in preventing a far more permanent injury than the one which I endured and, you will note, continued working during the recovery of (albeit to a reduced capacity)._

_On a final note, although I am taking a firm step back from performing my duties on a regular basis for the indefinite future I am still the Ultimate Maid and from now on you may, or may not, still see me wearing my uniform and either offering to attend to any tasks you may require or cleaning your rooms on an unscheduled basis whether you like it or not. If you see me wearing this uniform you may feel free to ask if I can fulfill your requests. My answer may be “yes” and it may be “no”. This may change in the future. You must forgive me for this, as old habits die hard and I am still learning. Maybe I will return to my prior duties on a full-time basis in the future. Maybe I will not. I would highly encourage you to feel happy for me in taking this bold step forward into becoming a new, more assertive young woman with a bright and independent future ahead of her. This is my self devotion._

_Yours faithfully,_

  
**Kirumi Tojo** (Currently on leave)

PS: DO YOU THINK I’M A _DOG_? AM I SOME SORT OF DEVICE THAT'S **"AS-SEEN-ON-TV"** TO YOU, WHICH, BY THE WAY, _**I NEVER EVEN GOT TO WATCH**_ AS A CHILD BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY **STUDYING** DILIGENTLY AND _**EDUCATING**_ MYSELF FOR WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE A LIFE OF **_NOTHING BUT THIS_** , BECAUSE I COULD HAVE BEEN _**ANYTHING**_ AND NOW I CAN BE **_ANYTHING AGAIN_ **BUT UP UNTIL THIS POINT I'VE JUST BEEN **THE MAID!** I ONLY GOT STUCK IN THIS BECAUSE MOTHER WANTED ME TO GET A JOB (OF COURSE, IT'S _**UNTHINKABLE** _THAT THE **_MIDDLE _**CHILD COULD EVER BE EXPECTED TO INHERIT ANYTHING) AND UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU I HAVE A WORK ETHIC. _**YOU ALL** **TREAT ME LIKE THE INSULTS YOU CALL K1-B0**_ , WHO IN THAT SENSE MAY ACTUALLY **_EXPERIENCE LESS ROBOPHOBIA THAN ME_** DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE IS ACTUALLY A ROBOT! DO I NOT HAVE NEEDS? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DO HAVE, **EMOTIONS!** I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE DUTIFUL AND OBEDIENT, FREE OF SIN IN A WORLD WHERE THE REST OF YOU ARE FREE TO INDULGE. WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT SIN I HAVE TROUBLE INDULGING IN NOW? _**VANITY!**_

I HAVE **_BAGS UNDER MY EYES_** AND I’M NOT EVEN _**TWENTY**_. I HAVE _**BAGS UNDER MY EYES**_ BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO BE ON CALL TWENTY FOUR SEVEN BECAUSE YOU HAD A LITTLE NIGHTMARE AND YOU WANT ME TO TUCK YOU IN OR MAKE YOU A LIGHT SNACK. I HAVE TO GET UP AT FOUR IN THE MORNING BECAUSE ONE OF YOU CAUSED AN OIL SPILL IN YOUR CARPETED ROOM WHEN YOU’RE NOT EVEN THE BIKER OR MECHANIC OR ROBOT OR INVENTOR OR THE CHEF. OR THE ASTRONAUT.AN OIL SPILL!!! OH, GOOD GRACIOUS! DID YOU SEE THAT? I PUT THE LETTER "A" RIGHT AFTER PERIOD BECAUSE KIRUMI TOJO JUST ALLOWED HERSELF TO MAKE A MISTAKE. YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO KNOW THAT I DID NOT EVEN COPY-EDIT THE ABOVE LETTER AND I'LL BET NONE OF YOU NOTICED BECAUSE OF HOW _**ILLITERATE** _YOU ALL ARE. DID YOU KNOW I LIKED READING BOOKS IN MY SPARE TIME, ONCE? I STOPPED BECAUSE I NO LONGER HAVE SPARE TIME. I ALSO JUST SAID **"PERIOD"** , MY WORD, THAT IS _INCREDIBLE!_ DID ANY OF YOU EVER CONSIDER THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT MIGHT OCCUR FOR THE ULTIMATE MAID, KIRUMI TOJO? DID ANYONE BUT THE NURSE TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME MIGHT HAVE A REGULAR HUMAN BODY WITH _**CYCLES **_AND _**BREAKOUTS . **_WHAT'S THAT, **YOU DIDN'T?** MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M **VERY GOOD AT CLEANING UP BLOOD **AND **MAKING IT LOOK LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, WHICH YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WERE A KILLING GAME TO EVER OCCUR. **THINK OF ALL THE OTHER LITTLE PROBLEMS THAT I IGNORED, SUFFERED THROUGH, COVERED UP WITH MAKEUP BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULD ALL JUDGE ME BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME OR IT'LL BREAK YOUR LITTLE FANTASY OF HAVING A FUCKING CARTOON ROBOT MAID AND WORKED THROUGH. WHEN YOU HAVE A LITTLE STOMACH ACHE YOU ALL WHINE ABOUT RELENTLESSLY, LIKE SPOILT CHILDREN, AND EXPECT KIRUMI TO KISS YOU ON THE CHEEK AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER! CONSIDER THIS A LITTLE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: YOUR _**SO-CALLED FRIEND**_ KIRUMI SOMETIMES NEEDS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM INSTEAD OF JUST _**CLEANING YOURS**_.

DO YOU THINK I EVER TOOK DAYS OFF BECAUSE I WAS SICK, OR NAUSEOUS, OR UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE I HAD THAT RASH ALL OVER MY BODY UNDER MY UNIFORM? I AM ALWAYS WEARING A UNIFORM. THINK ABOUT THAT. HOW IT AFFECTS BOTH MY STATE OF MIND AND YOURS WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, ONE OF YOUR PEERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU LOOK AT THAT UNIFORM? IS IT, "WOW, KIRUMI, THAT UNIFORM LOOKS GREAT ON YOU AND IT'S REALLY FLATTERING?" "KIRUMI! I'VE NOTICED YOU DON'T WEAR ANY SHOES WITHOUT HEELS, IS THIS BECAUSE YOUR YEARS AS 'THE ULTIMATE MAID', WHICH YOU NEVER REALLY ASKED FOR, MEAN YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN YOU DON'T ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THE PERFECT AUSTERE OFFICE SECRETARY ON TOP OF THE PERFECT MAIDSERVANT? ACTUALLY, IS IT EVEN COMFORTABLE AT ALL UNDER THERE?" NO! YOU THINK **_"DID I FLUSH? WHO CARES! IT'S THE 'THING THAT BRINGS ME PANCAKES IN BED', WHERE I LIKE TO EAT FOOD NOW"._** I WORK MY BODY TO THE BONE FOR YOU PEOPLE AND, SPEAKING OF MY STUFF NEARLY GETTING **_WORKED TO THE BONE_** , LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT CABLE ACCIDENT. 

_**SOMEBODY**_ HERE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHO, _NEARLY FUCKING KILLED ME_ ON PURPOSE. IF I WASN'T SO PERFECT AND CAUGHT THAT CABLE JUST LIKE AKANE COULD HAVE (HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW I'M BETTER AT NEARLY EVERYTHING THAN ALL BUT ONE OF YOU? )THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE I WOULD HAVE DIED OR GOTTEN CRIPPLED FROM FALLING IF THE MONOKUBS WEREN'T THERE. IF KAZUICHI WASN'T THERE TO COORDINATE THINGS I COULD HAVE LIVED OR DIED BASED ON THE ATTENTIVENESS OF THE **RED. MONOKUB** **.** AS IS I ONLY SUFFERED FRICTION BURNS ON BOTH HANDS SO BAD _ **I NEARLY NEEDED A SKIN GRAFT**_ , AND I SINCERELY QUESTION HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE UP YOUR PRECIOUS SKIN FOR **_"THE MAID"_** , EVEN IF MIKAN WAS ABLE TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT OFF. MAYBE WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO HEAL BURNS LIKE THAT? MAYBE WE DON'T, BUT WE NEARLY FOUND OUT BECAUSE OF ME AND IT TOOK ME A MONTH TO RECOVER. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I OVERHEARD YOU PEOPLE SAY WHILE I WAS HEALING FROM _**THE MOST PAINFUL THING**_ ALL BUT WHAT COULD BE AS LITTLE AS **12.76%** OF YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? _**"I MISS KIRUMI'S COOKING! IT'S SO SAD THAT SHE CAN'T DO THE LAUNDRY FOR US ANY MORE. BOO HOO HOO!"**_ AND ONE OF THOSE WAS ONLY BECAUSE MY INJURY MEANT I COULDN'T BE THERE. YOU DON'T SEE ME AS A PERSON, BECAUSE WHEN I STOP PANDERING TO YOUR EVERY WHIM _**YOU ACT LIKE I'M DEAD.**_ _AND THEN **YOU** , AND DON'T THINK I DON'T NOTICE **YOU** , IMPERSONATED ME AND MADE IT SO THEY DIDN'T EVEN APPRECIATE MY ABSENCE BECAUSE I WAS STILL THERE WIPING UP EVERY MESS THEY MADE._

I AM GOING TO TAKE AS LONG AS I WANT TO DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO, BECAUSE **I. HAVE. EARNED IT. **FROM YOU. KIRUMI TOJO MIGHT SAY A SNIDE COMMENT TO SOMEONE, OR COMMENT ON THE WAY I PERCIEVE THEM AS ACTING EVEN IF THEY ARE BEING NOTHING BUT POLITE TO ME. ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE I WON'T, BECAUSE I'M NOT A BULLY LIKE YOU ALL ARE TO ME AND OTHER STUDENTS, BY THE WAY. I SEE YOU ALL. _ **YOU ARE ALL BULLIES.** _I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND KNOW EVERYTHING YOU SAY AND I JUST SMILED AND NODDED AND GAVE YOU MASSAGES. MASSAGES! _**YOU HAVE GOSSIPED ABOUT ME WHILE I WAS THERE.**_ I'VE HEARD YOU GOSSIP ABOUT EACH OTHER AND SPREAD RUMORS THAT BOTH ARE AND AREN'T TRUE, WHICH I MAY OR MAY NOT REVEAL AT MY LEISURE. LEISURE I INTEND TO TAKE AT WHATEVER PACE I WISH. MAYBE I'LL SPEND THREE HOURS IN THE PUBLIC BATH TOMORROW AND IN THAT PUBLIC BATH I WILL EAT CHEESE AND DRINK WINE IN FRONT OF EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THIS PLACE BECAUSE YOU'VE SHOWN ME VERY CONCLUSIVELY THAT _ **NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER, EVER CARED ABOUT PROPER ETIQUETTE**_ AND AT THIS POINT I DON'T EVEN EXPECT YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED WHILE YOU CHEW! HEY, REMEMBER THOSE WINE AND CHEESE NIGHTS? DID YOU EVER CONSIDER HOW _**THAT CHEESE WIRE I SO SKILLFULLY CARRY EVERYWHERE WITH ME IN CASE ONE OF YOU FEELS FANCY CAN BE USED AS A GAROTTE? **_

_**EVERY TIME ONE OF YOU CALLS ME "MOM" YOU RISK ME PREFORMING A VERY LATE ABORTION ON YOU.** _

**BAGS. UNDER. MY. EYES.** I, AND I ALSO CANNOT EMPHASIS THIS ENOUGH, AM YOUR **PEER** IN THAT _**I AM A TEENAGE GIRL**_ AND _THEY MIGHT NOT EVER GO AWAY_ AND **YOU HAVE ALL DONE THIS TO ME.** ARE YOU GOING TO **NAIL ME TO THE CROSS** AND START ABSENTMINDEDLY _**WHIPPING ME **_WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT NOW???? MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE NOTICED IF YOU EVER _LOOKED ME IN THE EYES,_ BUT YOU'RE ALL EITHER TOO _DISRESPECTFUL_ , NON SELF-AWARE OR COWARDLY TO DO SO.

RIGHT NOW THE REASON THEY'RE THEY'RE BECAUSE _**I'M CRYING**_ ABOUT THEM (GUESS WHAT: _I HAVE REDISCOVERED THE ABILITY TO CRY_ , SOLELY BECAUSE OF HOW **TERRIBLE** YOU LOT ARE) BUT BEFORE THIS THEY WERE ALSO THERE BECAUSE OF HOW TIRED YOU ALL MAKE ME (MAYBE IT'S ON PURPOSE? LOOK AT THIS, I'M ASKING AN ACCUSATORY QUESTION) AND THE REASON I ALSO CRIED ABOUT THEM WAS BECAUSE PERHAPS **I **MIGHT WANT TO GET A GOOD MARRIAGE ONE OF THESE DAYS _**(NOT THAT THERE ARE ANY MARRIAGABLE MEN LEFT ON EARTH , NOW)**_ AND THEY _**ALREADY **_MAKE ME LOOK _**OLD**_! YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE I'M SOME SENIOR AUTHORITY FIGURE BECAUSE I'M **ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE WHO KNOWS HOW TO ACT MATURE** , BUT HERE'S **ANOTHER** FUN FACT YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

**_ I. AM. YOUNGER. THAN. MOST. OF. YOU.  _  
  
**

**I'M JUST TALL.** SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THIS IF ANY OF YOU REMEMBERED MY _BIRTHDAY_ , BUT ONLY THREE OF YOU DID. MIKAN'S WAS TWO DAYS AFTER MINE AND SHE GOT TWO CUPCAKES, ONE OF WHICH WAS FROM **ME!** MIKAN'S! DO YOU KNOW WHO'S OLDER THAN ME? **HIYOKO SAIONJI!** YES, I _AM_ TALL FOR MY AGE AND I WEAR HEELS ALL THE TIME AND **NOW I LOOK OLD FOR MY AGE AND IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU**. **BAGS UNDER MY EYES!** AND I HAVE A WEIRD TAN AND IT'S NOT FAIR BECAUSE I'M THE ONE HERE WHO DESERVES TO HAVE SOMEONE OTHER THAN A NERD LIKE KOREKIYO CALL ME BEAUTIFUL. YOU SHOULD ALL BE CALLING ME BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME AND GIVE ME A PAT ON THE SHOULDERS BUT NOT ANYWHERE ELSE ON MY BODY. YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I AM DONE BEING POLITE ABOUT ANYONE WHO EVEN SO MUCH AS THINKS ABOUT ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION BECAUSE MAYBE I'M JUST PSYCHIC LIKE SAYAKA. **BE SCARED EVEN IF YOU'RE INNOCENT.**  
  


**BAGS UNDER _MY_ EYES. _YOUR_ FAULT. _FIX IT.  
  
_**

YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO LOOK AT ME DIRECTLY BECAUSE _**I'M TOO GOOD FOR ANY OF YOU**_. I'M NOT A NATURAL SUPERMODEL LIKE SOME OF YOU, BUT I STAY IN BETTER SHAPE AND LOOK FANTASTIC UNDER THIS GARMENT WHICH YOU ALL NEED ME TO WEAR SO YOU EFFECTIVELY CAN SPIT ON ME BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT MYSELF EVEN IF **NONE OF YOU DO.** SPEAKING OF ME BEING BETTER THAN EVERYONE, I'VE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO DURING MY LITTLE SOJOURN HERE. SINCE I'LL BE TAKING SOME TIME OFF OF SIMPERING LIKE A GOOD LITTLE HOME-MAKER (WHAT A _TERRIBLE_ ULTIMATE ABILITY, SHE SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN ALLOWED TO STEP FOOT IN THIS ACADEMY, _**NOW I CAN EVEN SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD**_ BECAUSE I DON'T CARE) MAYBE I'LL CHOOSE SOMETHING ELSE TO BE THE BEST AT. HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW **I'M MORE COMPETENT HERE AT _EVERYTHING_ THAN ANYONE ELSE?** NOW THAT I HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO APPLY MYSELF TO WHATEVER IT IS I DECIDE I WANT TO DO (WHICH I FINALLY HAVE A CHOICE IN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE BECAUSE I'M IN CONTROL NOW AND _YOU_ CAN _**LICK MY FEET** _AND CALL _ME_ MA'AM) I'M REASONABLY CERTAIN I CAN BECOME THE ULTIMATE IN THAT WITHIN A FORTNIGHT. MAYBE LESS. MAYBE I'M THE **ULTIMATE POLITICIAN?** MAYBE I'LL BECOME THE **ULTIMATE SNOOKER PLAYER?** **_MAYBE I'LL COME FOR ONE OF YOUR TITLES AND THEN YOU'LL BE "THE ULTIMATE NOTHING"_.** NOTHING. EVEN MORE NOTHING THAN HOW YOU'VE ALL TREATED ME. 

I ONLY JUST STARTED _**HIGH SCHOOL**_ AND I ALREADY HAVE TO _**CONSTANTLY** _SEE A ** _NURSE_** ABOUT THE STATE OF MY _**SKIN.**_ _IF MY ECZEMA COMES_ ** _BACK YOU WILL ALL_ PAY FOR IT.** **YEARS OF MY LIFE.** I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW WHEN I WRITE THIS, YOU KNOW THAT? MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'VE REALISED HOW SAD MY LIFE HAS BEEN UP UNTIL THIS POINT, BUT MAYBE IT'S HAPPINESS BECAUSE WHAT YOU'RE SEEING RIGHT HERE IS A KIRUMI TOJO WITH _**SELF CONFIDENCE AGAIN.**_

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET THAT BIT ABOUT NOT TOUCHING MY BODY. OR DON'T BECAUSE NOW **_I DON'T LOOK BACK!_ **MAYBE SOME OF YOU **CAN** TOUCH MY BODY. MAYBE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANY MORE AND I'LL USE _WHAT LITTLE YOUTH YOU_ **VAMPIRES** HAVEN'T SUCKED ME DRY OF TO KISS WHOEVER I WANT TO. I HAVE HORMONAL URGES TOO AND I'LL ACT UPON THEM WITH EVERY SINGLE STUDENT BUT THE ONE WHO'S READING THIS RIGHT NOW. WAIT, SCRATCH THAT, IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE I AM STOOPING TO **_YOUR_ **LEVEL. OR PERHAPS I WILL! I HAVE CHOICES AHEAD OF ME NOW AND MAYBE I WILL MORE THAN KISS THEM! IT COULD BE A BOY. IT **_COULD_ **BE **_A GIRL._** MAYBE IT'LL BE BOTH AND I'LL GET SOMEONE ELSE TO CLEAN THE SHEETS AND FIGURE OUT THE DETAILS THAT'S NOT ME! YOU ARE ALL DISGUSTING, YOU KNOW THAT? YOU CAN ALL SUCK A DICK AND THEN I'LL SUCK IT BETTER BECAUSE _ **I AM BETTER THAN YOU.**_ **_LOOK AT ME NOW, ~~MOTHER~~ "MOM"! _**I LOOK AT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND I THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE LEFT BEHIND THAT I'VE HAD TO SCRUB OFF WITH GLOVES ON. WELL, GUESS WHAT, _GLOVES ARE OFF!_ **YOU ARE PISS,** AND **THAT'S A WORD I'M ALLOWED TO SAY NOW, _MOTHER_!** _**YOU ARE ALL MIU IRUMA TO ME**_. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? **MIU IRUMA IS BETTER THAN YOU** BECAUSE SHE'S HONEST ABOUT WHAT A **SKUNK **SHE IS. PERHAPS YOU COULD ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM HER, LIKE I HAVE. WHAT HAVE I LEARNED FROM HER, YOU MIGHT ASK? THAT IS, IF YOU EVER LISTENED TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS A PERSON, WHICH I AM, APART FROM "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE?". WHAT I'VE LEARNED IS HOW TO SAY THIS:

**FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. PUSSY.  
  
EAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
\- KIRUMI TOJO, THE ULTIMATE _WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO BE NOW, ASSHOLES._ ISN'T THAT A FUCKING _TIT SCRATCHER_? NOW I'M GOING TO BORROW A _T-SHIRT_ FROM SOMEONE, DRINK _BEER_ WITH _BOYS_ AND WEAR _BOXER SHORTS._ ACT YOUR AGE. _IT'S MY TURN NOW._  
**

* * *

Kirumi Tojo tries to spit on the ground, but doesn't do it right so there isn't really that much spit apart from a little that gets on her chin. Her mouth's dry, but the sentiment's understood. Kaito nods. Ryoma nods. Ibuki throws her a size XL mens' T-shirt with a _"_ Monosuke Energy Drink" logo on it in _neon green_ without even asking. ~~Yes~~ YEAH. Mondo hands her a can of _non low-carb_ _beer_ , because her figure's already just fine, actually. _Maybe she won't even go to the fucking party. Maybe she will and she'll knock over a bowl of chips! It's her choice, now, because she has choices._ If she didn't snap this early she would _probably_ have been the first killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Kirumi Tojo is now unleashed. She has entered her _rebellious phase_. Expect more of the newer, cooler Kirumi Tojo from now on.**
> 
> Have you ever had a low-level job and done too good a job at it, so they can't promote you because you staying there is a vital part of things operating? I worked in a fancy hotel once and heard some very good stories from after I quit. Kirumi got a job as a maid in what was meant to be a one-week lesson to teach her about the value of hard work and then _experienced that to the worst degree of anyone in human history._ She, Byakuya and Hiyoko were childhood acquaintances but not friends because in that kind of environment you don't really have friends.
> 
> I've mentioned this before, but I don't think Kirumi gets that much personality shown compared to other V3 cast members and one of the most interesting things about her is that she really, really doesn't like being called mom or being told she's motherly and everyone just fucking does that. And then when people write fanfiction about her they call her that as well. 
> 
> I just kind of wrote most of this one in a few hours because I had to wait for a package and ghost-write some jokes. Then I fell asleep while having another look at it and had a messed up nightmare, waking up to find my skin's all dry. Perhaps the truth is just as scary as fiction, which I believe was the theme of V3(?). Look, this entire thing is just me spit-balling and they can't all be winners. Questions, comments, car-bombs etc. are always appreciated. I still gotta do some formatting but I think the description is better now.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _Byakuya. Mahiru. Rantaro. Hiyoko. Akane. Kokichi? All the bit players and then some! Tsumugi Shirogane and Kazuichi Soda hang out after she gets her braces removed and has a look at some dental records. A young Ibuki Mioda meets a young Kaede Akamatsu and thinks she can go fuck herself. A vague explanation of how time travel works. The Prologue feat. Junko Enoshima (real)._
> 
>  **AFTER THAT:** _I wonder what's happening in the outside world? I guess I'll have to write some sort of killing game with a horrifying twist after that._


	13. Daisy Chain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Kirumi doesn't know how to pace herself. Hiyoko gets bored of a card game. Tsumugi has her braces taken off.
> 
> _"Tremble, for the Tanaka Empire has grown even more boundless with my acquisition of several- yes, Chiaki, they're all mice. Yes, you may touch the mice, for they have already eaten today and are not likely to try and gnaw on the little buttons of your game controller."_   
>  **-Gundham Tanaka, has about fifteen mice on his person at all times.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: the following chapter contains a whole lot of sex talk, but nobody's going to get laid tonight. There's incidental nudity, but it's nondescript. Mentions of drug use, suicide. Someone gets too drunk and throws up. Some characters call each other "gay" but not in a pejorative sense, kind of. They're gay. Let me know if I missed tagging anything.**
> 
>   
> This is about as NSFW as this story's ever going to get. So, _not very_ , but you might wanna be careful just in case. Let's see how complicated I can make one of these things. Questions, comments etc. are always appreciated!

### IBUKI

When the killing game started Ibuki Mioda was the first one to die. Her daily soy sauce-flavored milkshake had been laced with some experimental painkillers stolen from Mikan's double-locked cabinet, the ones Seiko Kimura left her. At the start everyone thought it was Sonia trying to frame Mikan, but that wasn't quite the case.

## Daisy Chain

### TSUMUGI

Tsumugi Shirogane is very nervous today, but she's trying not to make the fear show up on her face. She's hardly even touching her breakfast, but it's not because of the impending killing game and it's not about whatever's happening with the timeline. It's not even because of the hole she and Kazuichi have dug themselves into with the whole "accidentally collaborating with Monokuma before the game even starts" thing. Actually, they might even be boyfriend and girlfriend now, which is exciting! Tsumugi Shirogane might actually try kissing him today once she clarifies the whole shark teeth issue, which brings us to the actual reason why she's so nervous.  
  
Tsumugi Shirogane is _having her braces removed_. A dental nurse is still a nurse so she's sure Mikan's going to do a great job, but still! This is a very big step in her now quasi-fictional life, as little as their may be left of it. Still, there's no use crying over spilt milk, which Kirumi Tojo is not cleaning up any more and Tsumugi is plainly proud of her for even if she's getting a little too intense for her liking. _Hmm, I'm still doing the plainly thing. I guess the thing is that even if I'm self aware I'm still fundamentally boring old Tsumugi Shirogane._

"Are you OK, Tsumugi? You've hardly touched your pancakes." _Ah, Korekiyo. It's good to know you're not a serial killer yet this time._ Today she's eating with Ryoma, Keebo, Kiyo and Shuichi. Korekiyo was always surprisingly thoughtful once you got past his mannerisms, which she thinks most people have at this point. He always tries his hardest to be a good friend and overcome the fact that he always sounds like he's planning a complex murder of and/or for his sister from another dimension.

"Oh, I'm fine! I'm just having Mikan remove my braces today so I'm a little on edge, is all." She _thinks_ that whole thing had something to do with trapping her in a Schrodinger's Cat type thingy, but that's plainly more Rantaro's wheelhouse. The whole thing was very visual novel but in this case she never got the full perspective. Actually, that might also have a lot to do with the current nature of this killing game around this point, but she's not planning on getting any more wrapped up in it than she already is because that's how you get killed in Danganronpa! Her best chance at this stage was to just blend into the background like she always does and stay a one note gimmick character, who-

"Good nom-nom-nomming!" Ah, speaking of which, it's Ibuki! Hmm, she _should_ probably ask Ibuki for her advice about setting up a nightclub at some point for the whole "Shirogane Lounge" plan, because Ibuki knows all about having fun and partying in nightclubs. She even died in one the first time, which Tsumugi hoped wouldn't happen again because she liked Ibuki and felt sort of a kinship with her _as_ what looked like one-note gimmick characters until this whole thing happened. Tsumugi got the impression she still kind of was. She also liked Ibuki because she asked Tsumugi's name and remembered it right from the start even though she was plainly the most boring student here. 

"Ah, Ibuki! What did you get up to yest-" Shuichi attempts a conversation, but Ibuki's feeling double hyper energe-tastical this morning.  
  
"Practicing _SITAR!"_

"I-is that a milkshake? What kind of flav-" he makes an attempt at a second question, bless him. Ibuki's already moving around the table to point fingers at everyone else while they try and attempt conversation in turn.  
  
"Soy sauce!" _Wow, she's in a really good mood today. Better ask her my question now before she runs off to do this with everyone else._ Tsumugi sticks her hand up to ask what color of lighting would be good for a hypothetical nightclub sign "Chatreuse!" Huh, she didn't even need to ask the question.  
  
Ryoma plainly also sees her confusion at this. "I think Ibuki just doesn't know how to cool her jets. Maybe her hearing is just that good? Anyway, Keebo, we should go. Strategy meeting." Shuichi and Korekiyo also leaves, saying they have to consult Mahiru and Kyoko about something. She waves goodbye and is left all alone, but doesn't really mind because she's spacing out and that last bit concerns her. _If strategy meetings and alliances are already happening then I definitely don't have much time to get this thing underway before the killing game begins. Hmmm...chatreuese WOULD look good with the current lighting scheme._ She'll go meet Soda in the girls' bathroom about that next.

### MAHIRU

In the first two days Shuichi had figured out that the shelf full of case files in his detective's lab was actually a secret door leading to a much larger room with many, many _more_ case files, enough that they had several volumes acting as indexes. Mahiru Koizumi thinks Kyoko would have figured it out in one day, actually, but to be fair there had already been a couple of incidents in the first one so Shuichi had kind of a disadvantage apart from not being Kyoko. Miu had gotten in looking for chemicals, then Ibuki came in to see if it was rock and roll, at which point one of the jars of poison got knocked over and everyone had to leave while Kirumi and Keebo handled the clean-up. In all honesty it was weird not to have Kirumi here, but she seemed to have...snapped somehow yesterday morning and Mahiru was already hearing all _kinds_ of stories about her current behaviour. Sayaka was concerned.

Most of the case files in the secret room just seemed to be hypothetical, because the details always seemed really weird and set up to make "cool murder tricks" instead of crimes actual people would have time to do, but still...who had time to write all of these? It would take even Toko a decade or so if she focused only on murder mysteries, which she'd only started doing because Mahiru had pestered her to because Toko needed to be more of a team player and still does. Was it all machine generated? That didn't make sense either, given the hand-made intricacy in how they were composed. Korekiyo Shinguji had been flipping through one of the aforementioned indexes, looking for something when his eyes suddenly grew wide. He suddenly stood up from his seat and loomed, like he always did. The index fell on the floor and Mahiru quickly scanned what she saw on it.

"...Mahiru, could you do me a favour and bring me case file volume 331? It would be very much appreciated." He was trying to be polite, but the way he said things always just made him sound condescending and kind of creepy, but it wasn't his fault. It took a long time for Mahiru to warm up to Korekiyo, but they actually got along really well once she'd gotten over his...mannerisms. Everyone here had their oddities and quirks (except her, which never actually made her feel any better) and the thing about Korekiyo is that he was actually one of the most thoughtful people here, trapped in the body and speech patterns of either a not-so-secret vampire or a serial killer like Genocide Jack. He'd given her a lot of good advice for dealing some of her issues. As soon as she brought the book up to Kiyo he flipped through it and nearly swore, before halting himself at the last second. "M-my apologies. Kyoko, take a look at this, _NOW!_ It's like we thought." He gestured for Kyoko to come over and take a look at the page and when she saw it she nodded. Kyoko Kirigiri, Ultimate Detective and coolest girl in the world, turns to her lucky _sidekick_.  
  
"Mahiru, I'm going to need you to come to the public bath with me. I've already arranged for Kirumi to meet us there. Kiyo, you handle Shuichi, I'll send Akane to you later. I'll need you to take your clothes off." This was kind of what Mahiru had been hoping to hear for months, but she could tell by the look on Kyoko's face that that's not what this was about. _It's good to see her making more jokes, though._ "I promise we'll explain everything soon, but for now I'll need you to come with me and not tell anyone about this. It could be an emergency. Kirumi said in her email yesterday that she's going to be spending three hours in the bath eating cheese and drinking wine, and while she's clearly going through some things I also don't think she'd the kind of person who'd back down from a promise like that."  
  
As they walked towards the baths at a pace just slow enough so as to not arouse suspicion Mahiru went over what she'd seen in the dropped index page. She was blessed with a photographic memory that was, annoyingly enough, not _quite_ as good as either detective and rendered almost entirely obsolete by her own Ultimate Talent. Still, in situations like this it could occasionally come in handy, or at least it would if she could just figure out what was wrong with what Korekiyo _saw_. It didn't make sense. Mahiru always felt like the Dr Watson in a group that let her in so everyone else could be Sherlock Holmes. It's times like this she needed Hiyoko to distract her.  
  
 **CASE 331-34 CASE 331-35**  
 **OVERVIEW: [____ _____]'s body found inside gym. OVERVIEW: [_____ __________]'s body found inside of ceremonial cage.  
**  
 **Cause of death: Machine gun fire, forced rule violation. Cause of death: Stab wound, back of neck.  
  
**  
 **CASE 331-36 CASE 331-37  
OVERVIEW: [_______ ____]'s body found inside tool supply shed. OVERVIEW: [________ ____]'s body found in library, scissors in throat.  
**

**Cause of death: Penetration through eyeball. Cause of death: Choked on blood.  
**

### HIYOKO

Celestia Ludenberg's confident in her ability to bluff, even against the other three. It's her lab and she may have some sort of way to read everyone else's cards, but she may not. Not that it's necessary. Byakuya Togami's confident in the strength of his hand. He has nothing to fear or hide. Nagito Komaeda doesn't even to look at his cards as all, because he trusts his luck. He's not trying to win, of course, but if he does then that just means something even better's going to come out of it. Hiyoko Saionji, the group's latest member, has ample space in her kimono's sleeves to store whatever cards she wants. If you want to check there you must be some kind of nasty pervert and she'll tell Akane right away! After another ten seconds they drop the pretense of wanting to play cards at all and Nagito stands up to lock the door. The game doesn't really work if there's no chump to play against, but in a way that's the eventuality they've come to discuss. 

"...however, this state of affairs can't last forever and the council is already too toothless to truly enforce any kind of order in an emergency, as we've seen. Those nightmares may have stopped for now, but they're far from the first and only indication that this little hole we're stuck in has something seriously wrong with it. We find ourselves in a somewhat precarious situation." Celeste calmly sips her cup of tea as she catches up with Hiyoko. She has informed Nagito to stay quiet for this conversation, an order he seems happy to comply with.

"Oh, those nightmares! I can _totally_ tell you what was up with that. _I'm_ the one who killed them, after all." Hiyoko giggles and covers her mouth with her hand, an action Celeste mimics.

"Really?" Byakuya raises a skeptical eyebrow.

" _Yes, really!_ I'm surprised _Kiyo_ didn't tell you anything the last time he joined you. He's the one who organised and was probably responsible for all the nightmares starting in the first place. Where is he, anyway?"

"Korekiyo's a useful member to have in our little society, but he's also a useful member to have in every other group as well. We've observed that he is...rather talented at being invited into nearly every exclusive group within The Academy. I suspect it's _because_ he seems so naturally conspiratorial."  
  
"That's true, he _is_ a creepy weirdo. Anyway this conversation's boooring. Let's skip all the filler and get right to the bit everyone wants to talk about so I can go back to my room and wash off the scent of _Nagito_." Hiyoko puts on her cutest face and finally broaches the subject they've been carefully dancing around for the last twenty minutes. " _Let's talk about the killing game!"_

Nobody at the table wants any sort of "killing game" to occur, of course, but given the current atmosphere of the school and the fact that Monokuma and his _ugly_ robot children keep insisting that there won't be a killing game means tan ever-increasing possibility that it's going to happen. It's more than time to take precautionary measures, figure out the lay of the land and shore up their little alliance now for the sake of survival and, if push comes to shove, victory. Just in case. If it's possible to prevent such a game from happening then joining together like this will hopefully make forming the necessary countermeasures a lot easier. And if no killing game ends up eventuating then it's still likely that some form of political struggle will occur within the student body sooner, rather than later. It's important to get the core of a sizeable faction started well in advance, because if you don't then _Angie Yonaga will_. They're all slightly unsettled by her. Even Nagito. It's a slim possibility, but what if, just hypothetically, she's already managed to convert Maki Harukawa and render her _docile_?

### TOKO

Three people sit around the rounded antique table in the Ultimate Author's research lab, two people stand. Robots aren't people, so K1-B0 doesn't count. The room's always lit by scented candles that never go out. "Books aren't real life! Fiction is fiction and symbolism isn't real! But... a lot of crazy things have happened so far, and if the whole...narrative of this place is set up for some kind of, urgh, juvenile killing game then I'm n-not going to let anyone else make a victim out of me. Out of _US_. W-we've had enough of that! If someone is setting this place up to tell a story then I plan to defy it and _write my own!_ " Toko Fukawa stabs her scissors into the table. She's angry enough to have stopped stuttering for that last sentence and has a lot more scissors where they came from.  
  
"I agree. This Academy seems to be set up to follow the guidelines of the battle royal genre too closely for it to be a coincidence." Hifumi Yamada strokes his considerable chin, doing his best to look wise and educated. "Although it's been popular in circles over the last decade I personally consider it to be played out and unacceptable to be in, quite frankly! I'll endeavour to research as many of them as I possible and let all of you know which death flags we can avoid at this stage!" Toko is willing to tolerate the presence of Hifumi's analysis of _vulgar_ genres if it means she doesn't have to. What she does know, on the other hand? _Murder mysteries._ During Murder Mystery Night 3 _(Saihara vs. Kirigiri III: The Final Showdown)_ the case she wrote was able to stump both Ultimate Detectives and force them to work together. Alternate serial killer personality aside it would be very unwise to dismiss the danger she presents in and of herself.

"Gonta will no play any killing game. It ungentlemanly. Gonta protect his friends no matter _what_." Gonta Gokuhara slams down his palm and everyone winces, but it's a very strong table and manages to stay in one piece. Gonta still follows the same speech patterns, but at this stage his intelligence is clear to all. He's frighteningly smart and determined to keep everyone alive. He can use computers now and understands the underlying themes of Fukawa novels.

Ryoma Hoshi has been provided with a bar stool instead of a regular seat, which lets him recline his feet on the table. He's the only one who's 100% calm and collected. That's why he's the leader. "I'm with you, Gonta. Personally I don't _plan_ on killing anyone else, but we can't be sure everyone outside this room's going to feel the same way. That's why I'm having this meeting _now_. Murder _isn't_ cool and I won't let _anyone_ make the same mistakes I did. While there's a chance I can stop it then I have a reason to live again. I don't know if everyone here feels the same way, but for now I think it's best if we all stick together and prevent anyone from starting something...by non-lethal force, if necessary. Keebo, are we on the same page?"  
  
"I agree. The thought of losing any of the friends I've made here fills me with...sadness. Toko, are you ready?" K1-B0 raises his hand, an arc of electricity sparking between his fingers. Everyone bracess their eardrums.  
  
"B-be _careful_! And I thought from our _n-nights alone_ you'd have at least learned more nuanced ways to describe what you're feeling than s _adn-GYEH!_ " Keebo winces as he places a hand on his girlfriend's head and sends a jolt of electricity through her brain. Toko suddenly becomes a lot louder and everyone else in the room winces. There are a different six people in the room now, which is why they had to brace their ears.

"Hey hey, everyone's favourite serial killer here again! I'm not going to read miss doom n' gloom's note but I _assume_ from everyone's faces that the rest of you chumps finally figured out there's gonna be some kinda murder game, right? Well, e and _Sonia Never-shaves_ here are in total agreement on our position, because I only kill when and if _I_ want! _Nobody's_ gonna push us around and we're never going to be the victim of ANYTHING that's _not_ self-inflicted ever again!"

"Geeeeh! Wh-who _are_ you?" In retrospect warning Hifumi probably would have been a good idea, but hindsight's 20/20.  
  
"Gyahahaha! You probably know me as The Ultimate Murderous Fiend, Genocide Jack! Or possibly Genocide Jill! Some people prefer Genocider Syo, but in general I have a lot of stuff going on, it's complicated. But honestly you can just call me Genocide, that's probably a lot quicker in the-"

"E-excuse me, Miss...Genocide?" Peko Pekoyama raises her hand. "If I may interject, this seems like it is meant to be a confidential discussion. I... don't really understand why I'm here when it's understood that my loyalties already lie with My Young Mast-Fuyuhiko Kuruzryu."

"Peko, we trust you and Gonta says we can trust _him_. We don't expect anyone to do the same in return for us, but _if_ someone here feels like trying to kill anybody then we wish it to be known that _we're_ prepared to stop it. And combined? I think we have a _lot_ more experience." Ryoma has that look on his face again. His eyes are like black holes.  
  
Peko excuses herself and leaves to tell Fuyuhiko. As she leaves she hears the Ultimate Murderous Fiend cackle "Man, I could really use a drink! Do we have an _Ultimate Bartender_ around here that could whip up a Genocide Gin & Tonic?" They do, but she's busy today.

### HIMIKO

Himiko Yumeno's curled up with her pet tiger, which still isn't big enough to provide her with protection from anything bigger than one of her rabbits. She can't remember any of the _important_ details that would be helpful when it comes to stopping anything, but she remembers the Killing Game she was a part of's _emotions_ all too well. And she can remember Tenko and Angie dying. For Himiko the nightmares never stopped. "I can't _do anything_ to stop it! You guys were all there and I watched my friends _die_. And it's happening again and we can't leave here. That's the part I remember!"  
  
Tenko Chabashira gives her a hug, but only a little too strongly, which is normal for Tenko. She's been troubled by a lot of things lately. "Angie, do you really think there's going to be a killing game?"  
  
Angie Yonaga rolls her head to the side in idle consideration, stroking Maki Harukawa's hair like a cat as her friend lies across the Ultimate Artist's legs. She looks at peace, almost like Angie has a pet assassin mirroring Himiko's pet tiger cub. A different Maki from the one who helped Kirumi break free the other day. This Maki looks like she's been _tamed_. "Hmmm... I don't know if a killing game's going to _begin_ , but I'm pretty sure someone's going to _declare_ one to try and get it to happen. If that happens then we'll probably just have to work things out from there, but I wouldn't be too concerned. Atua says _almost_ everyone in this academy will be going to heaven in the end and that his punishment will fall down upon anyone who tries to murder unjustly. Nyahaha! I wouldn't worry. The Ultimate Mage surely has enough magic tricks to disappear if anything looks like it's going to go wrong, right Himiko?"  
  
"Right, but when the thing with Kiyo happened I remembered _everything_ about what he was going to _do_ and-"  
  
"And it turned out _just fine_ , he didn't kill anyone this time and I got to harvest a lot of _very_ useful blood! Kiyo is our friend again, praise be to Atua! Now, if you'll excuse me all this talk of killing has reminded me I need to have a private talk with Maki. Is it OK if we leave you two alone for now?" Himiko hugs Tenko back, thinking about how horrible the last killing game was. You can't even trust any of your friends, apart from maybe Tenko. Eventually even she excuses herself, leaving Himiko all alone again. She sees Tenko's leg is all healed up now, thanks to Mikan and Nekomaru. She doesn't even have a scar. 

Tenko and Maki each felt they had nothing to apologize to the other for, because they had both understood the situation and knew it wasn't necessary. They hugged anyway, but as equals in combat who each knew the other could have easily killed them but _didn't. Tenko is Himiko's best friend,_ and if she has to use up the Necronomicon Tsumugi found for her in the library on anyone then Tenko's definitely her first priority. Of course, what most people don't think about is that there's another thousand pages of that thing and there's more you can do with a pristine Necronomicon than use it up to raise the dead. _Angie Yonaga and Korekiyo Shinguji aren't the only one here who knows a little bit about how to effectively utilize blood magic. Every magician has her secrets._

She leads Maki into her room and they nestle together on her bed, Angie nuzzling against her head from behind in a deep, warm bear hug. When Maki Harukawa, orphan, closes her eyes the water she falls into is _warm_ now. Angie's a physical connection to the place where everything's fine, someone's taking care of her and she already knows she's been forgiven for everything she's done. She can feel Angie's breath on her cheeks as she leans in to whisper into Maki's ear. She wants to hear more of what Angie has to say, because when Angie's your friend life is simple and-

_"Maki, I think it's time for you to leave this nest. I'm not looking for converts and you know it's not healthy. Shhhh, it's OK. You don't need to cry. Atua says you should remember what you learned as an assassin and become whoever you want the next Maki to be. Care for others once again as your friend tells me she still cares for you."_

The scariest thing about Angie Yonaga isn't that she believes, or what she does when she hugs you. She could have had Maki do whatever she wanted and she would have lovingly obeyed without hesitation, but she didn't because the _scariest_ thing about Angie Yonaga is that she always seems to be _entirely earnest in all of her intentions when she doesn't have to be._ If she had the mask when she got to Hope's Peak she could have easily been the equal of Junko Enoshima.

### MAHIRU

Akane Owari's already standing around and sharing a handful of shaved parmesan with Kirumi Tojo, who's also just drinking wine straight out of the bottle. Seeing Kirumi like this is...unsettling. She taps her foot impatiently. "God, finally! It's like I'm... the only one who's not lazy in here! Akane, could you talk to Miu?" Akane whispers in the ear of a near submerged Miu Iruma, who looks like a crocodile waiting to ambush someone. "Mahiru, I need you to- wait, hang on..." _Noises_ start coming from the direction of Miu Iruma.  
  
 ** _"Oh, nnnnnnffff. OH YEAH, OH YEAH! AAAAAHN~!"_**  
  
Mahiru _gets it_ now, but the fact that _they thought this was all necessary_ is even creepier than if she took what was happening at face value. Unless there's no risk of a hidden microphone and Miu's just being weird and gross again like every other day of her life, which is also possible. Kirumi gestures at some bathroom scales with her bottle of wine. _"_...as I was saying, stand right here...keep your underwear on or don't, that's not important. I'm having a fantastic day today and I do NOT have a lot of time to waste here." 

_**"Ooooooh, eeeeehh, y-yes, yes, YES!"** _

Kyoko looks sheepish for a second, before nodding at Mahiru to let her know that this _was_ actually the plan. "I'm sorry about this, I'll explain everything as soon as I can but I promise you that this is necessary. We're going to write down what we see, but _still_ don't say anything out loud. Weight wise." Mahiru reluctantly complies, but having everyone write her weight down in these little notebooks still felt weird and uncomfortable. Suddenly Sayaka Maizono walks in all of a sudden, but doesn't seemed shocked in the slightest even when she hears Miu doing Miu things.  
  
 _ **"Nnnnnnn....I am so Goddamn HORNY! I wanna get pounded HARDER!!"**_  
  
"Hey, Sayaka, you want some of this cheese? It's really good!" Akane seems happy to see her, at least.   
  
"Oh, I'm fine, I'm trying to cut back on dairy. Buuuut Shuichi said you guys were getting this stuff done, so I thought it'd be fun to join in!" This was sounding worse and worse. Why did _Shuichi_ know about this in the first place? _Was he the one spying on-_ Kyoko puts her hand on Mahiru's shoulder and nods, letting her know that this is a vital part of whatever plan this is.

Kirumi's next to stand on the scales, and she looks a little anxious more because of impatience than because everyone's writing down her weight. Suddenly Mahiru realizes she's missing something. "Wait, Kyoko, I don't have a notebook. What am I meant to-"

**"Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me, ALL OF YOU!"**

"You have a much better memory than I do, so I don't think that's necessary. Just remember it, it's actually safer if you don't write it down" _Oh. Do I?"_

"Might I request we hurry this up? I have a prior engagement to go bowling with " _The Boys",_ of whom I have now officially become a member of!" Kirumi pumps her fist and spills red wine anywhere, _but she doesn't even care._ She looks like she's in a dream. Mahiru's only seen The Ultimate Maid show this much emotion twice before (whatever happened with Kokichi and the cable incident, which she doesn't like to think about _because she had to take photos_ ), and never positively.  
  
 **"Ah, ah, ah, ah ah ah AH AH AH AHNnnnn...yeahhhhhhhh....ahhhhh~"**

They each record each others' weights, and even Miu joins in, although she doesn't write anything down or say anything because she's too busy faking working up to an orgasm with a bored expression on her face. Mahiru's pretty sure Miu doesn't actually know that much about what's going on and just wants to show off. She couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong yet that necessitated all of this, though.

Why did they need _Akane_?

Suddenly the sound of furious footsteps can be heard from the entrance and Kaede Akamatsu comes bursting through the curtains, evidently not in on whatever's happening here. " _MIU!"_

" _Goddamnit_ , the only reason I'm even in here is I was waiting to fucking ambush you! Fuck this, you skanks all tried to get in on the action and ruined it!"  
  
"The only reason I even came in here is because I heard _Ibuki_ said you were doing inappropriate things in here! Why would that even work?"  
  
"Heee! I'm s-sorry! S-something just told me it was a good idea. P-please forgive me." Kyoko looks to Mahiru to explain and calm down the situation once the smoke's settled, because if nothing else Mahiru's a lot better at doing that. Mahiru glances around to see everyone else's reactions and Kirumi Tojo's _already walking_ out in- _oh, she has boxer shorts and a tank top on, that's fine then._ With Kirumi as she is now this is about the best you can hope for at this stage. Huh, she seems to have kind of dry skin under there, who knew?

But suddenly The Ultimate Maid returns _(is that even her title any more or is she pulling a Shuichi on us?)_ andpoints a finger at _Mahiru_ before she can get to work on defending Miu's actions, somehow. "You know what? Maybe I _will_ keep solving everyone's problems! Mahiru, _you_ have a huge crush on Kyoko but _you_ have to be the one who asks her out because she's too _bad with people_ and busy being stuck up and a _mysterious lone wolf_ to ask you first even though that's probably the third biggest reason you were allowed into the Detective Club anyway! I'm going to see if Monokuma can get me a pair of _sandals_. _KIRUMI'S THE ONE WHO'S IN CHARGE NOW!"_

Kirumi's starting to be a problem.

### HIYOKO

"We have no reliable idea of what rules or guidelines this hypothetical game's going to follow, but we _speculate_ that there's going to be some sort of murder trial aspect to it. This is what we're guessing based on what we've gathered from the snippets of everyone's little visions we've managed to put together, off-hand statements from those stupid bears and, most importantly, the fact that there are a bunch of those elevators leading to circular courtrooms that Monokuma allowed us to use for those elaborate little murder mystery nights your friend Mahiru helped organize." Byakuya's eyes don't lift up from the book he's reading. 

"Oh, those? Did you know they just excavated more of the ones with these cool floating platforms? Soda said they weren't safe to go on yet, but _Ibuki_ said him, Akane and Kaito were throwing beer cans at each other after I left." Hiyoko _hates_ being left out of fun, especially the kind where you get to throw things at Kazuichi. 

"May I say something?" Nagito raises his hand from the corner, leaning back on his chair?  
  
" _Uuuugh_ , you're going to say it anyway so you may as well just spit it out, weirdo." Nagito was never one of Hiyoko's favorite classmates. _Major_ creep.  
  
"Those little game nights were fun, but I think it's preetty interesting how everyone seemed like they were somehow familiar with how the whole game system your friends came up with worked, approximately. We had a lot of people participating towards the end and I just think it's kind of strange how everyone was so naturally good at it. Then again, we are Ultimates! The whole thing just seemed verrrry prescient, to me. At least it relieved a little bit of tension, you know? That's all I wanted to say."  
  
Ohhh my god.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, _we get it,_ the whole routine seemed creepily intuitive to everyone like we'd all done it before and had our memories wiped or whatever's actually happening! God, hadn't you already figured that part out? But we had two detectives and only three or four serious attempts to kill or hurt someone over, like, months, so what _else_ are you going to do with them? If you leave them alone then _Kyoko's_ totally just going to try and _kiss_ Big Sis Mahiru and Shuichi's going to get more anxiety because Maki told another joke he didn't understand. Are you _done_ now? Even _Rantaro_ figured that one out months ago." Hiyoko had little time for Nagito in general. All he did was repeat _obvious_ stuff that she'd already figured out and then do weird monologues about something stupid like the idea of "hope". She can't believe hanging out with this creepy loser might be what guarantees her survival. She pelts a gummy at him, but it just lands in his mouth while Celeste rolls her eyes. Even his _talent_ is stupid.

### RANTARO

Rantaro Amami just can't figure it out. He feels like he almost has it right each and every time, but he always misses that last fraction and ends up losing the plot. He knows he's smart, but he's just never quite smart enough when he's not looking at the big picture. His memories of the killing game were _almost_ clear, but the key details always eluded him apart from Kaede's involvement. Sometimes she did it and sometimes she was framed. There was something about a vent and a ball and a hidden passageway. Was he bowling like this when he died? He scores another split. It's hard to concentrate with all the stuff going on behind him.

"So what about, like, a sexy maid outfit? Like, would that be in-line with your whole new thing. Just spit-balling here, which is _also_ a baseball term. Just thought that was an interesting fact." Leon Kuwata, smooth as usual, getting straight to the point and then smoothing it out with a fun fact about baseball or rock music or whatever.

"That IS an interesting fact. High five, bro!" Leon high fives Taka, Mondo, Kirumi, Ibuki, Chihiro and Fuyuhiko. Rantaro doesn't get a high five because he's doing that thing where he concentrates on some bullshit nobody cares about because it's probably too early to figure out whatever's going on when you can just go bowling.

"A sexy maid outfit, whatever do you mean Mr Kuwata?" Kirumi does that thing where she looks like she's almost making a sincere inquiry as to _how you would like your towel folded, m'lord_.  
  
"I think she means... _wait_..." Chihiro's about to answer when the illusion suddenly falls apart for everyone simultaneously because Kirumi's chugging a soda and you can see most of her skin. 

"Holy crap, _she can do sarcasm now_!" Aoi is really, really impressed. 

"So, like, what _is_ your thing now?!?" Shouts Kaito, from the corner of the room where he's losing every time at slot machines even though they aren't even really a game.  
  
"I don't know, whatever I want it to be! My current plan is to switch between fulfilling my duties as The Ultimate Maid, running this place and letting myself go like this in a way that keeps things unpredictable for the rest of you! So I might clean your room but you have no idea when I'm going to, to make sure everyone retains an appropriate amount of fear!"   
  
"Damn...that's fucking terrifying." Fuyuhiko nods with respect before Peko scoots up behind him from out of nowhere, pulls him away from the crowd and whispers something into his ear. Her facial expression doesn't change, but it might be the most affectionate anyone's ever seen her act in public. Heartwarming. He looks slightly perturbed at whatever her message was, but shakes it off. "I'm glad you're making new friends. I mean, the serial killer bit's slightly concerning, but who am I to judge?"  
  
"Sooo...you thinking of seeing anyone now that you're not _married to the job_?" Ibuki asks the key question.

"There are several people I'm thinking of, but that depends on who's interested, _Ms Mioda._ If _you_ recall, I-"  
  
 _"Won't be sleeping with anyone until you've sobered up tomorrow."_ **  
  
**"Yes, thank you Sakura, but hypothetically _if_ you and I _were_ to-"  
  
 _"I would advise waiting until you've sobered up tomorrow, Kirumi. We've all seen enough. Peko and Mukuro will be watching you."_ **  
  
**"Uuuurgh, fine. If they want to watch me that's their responsibility. Honestly, I've seen everyone here do everything and yet as soon as _Kirumi_ wants to have... _pleasure_ for the first time in her life we're in boarding school again instead of just living in one!"

"Sakura! Are you trying to play the long game to score with Kirumi?" Mondo knows what's up.  
  
 _"NO."_ She is, they all know it.

"Hey! How come all the girls are trying to hook up with the other girls here? What about us guys?" Now he asks the real question.

 _""IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY!""_ This conversation's happened before. Sweet as hell every time. Chugging down some beers with the pals.

"Hell yeah, dude. We are all so fucking gay. This school is gay."

"This school is extremely gay, bro."  
  
"Thanks, I love you man." _The conversation went on that way for about another five minutes and resolved any lingering questions about who's gay and who isn't._  
  
"...so I think Kiyo's just some kind of...weird nerd." Kirumi's finally feeling a little woozy but also a little jumpy, probably from whatever Ibuki gave her to provide more energy. "Look, the point is that he's _not_ a vampire. Angie's _probably_ closer to being a vampire than he is but I'm fairly certain she's not, even though what she does is kind of weird. Because vampires aren't real. Hey, Kaito, do you know what's happening with Angie and Maki?"  
  
"Maki's... probably fine!"

"Hey, Peko, your girlfriend's sleeping with someone else! Feeling jealous?" Fuyuhiko opens up another beer.  
  
 _"... do not talk."_

Leon's gobsmacked at what he just heard. "...did Peko just tell Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu to _shut the fuck up?!_ "  
  
"Woah, that's a huge step forward!" Aoi and Sakura crowd around a suddenly startled Peko to congratulate her. Everyone's cheering, Fuyuhiko most of all.  
  
"Have you ever noticed how when I'm p-proactive everyone's suddenly getting better? MIKAN!" Kirumi's finger slices through the air to point at Mikan Tsumiki, who's been trying to quietly sneak through the crowd here to reach Chiaki's room. "What are you doing here? Do you have any problems you want me to resolve?"  
  
"N-n-no! I was j-just heading over to Ch-Chiaki's because Gundham has some mice he said I could t-touch, and-"  
 _  
_"That can wait! Instead you're going to stay here for a few hours and have a great time with everyone here. Someone get Gundham, I want to see these mice too. If you want me to fix something I'll...I might not be doing that, because I can do whatever I fucking want!" She's drunk on power, but also alcohol and Ibuki gave her a dexy.

Rantaro stares deep into the alleyway as he scores yet another split. Never quite good enough. There are some mysteries he just can't quite figure out the answer to yet, like the killing game and also where the bowling balls and pins go once they head down that passage

### TSUMUGI

The noise from the monitor covers the sound of the ball rolling down the vent, where it hits a sharp turn and crashes loudly above the heads of Tsumugi Shirogane and Kazuichi Soda with a loud rattling sound, along with the pins who cascade down to join hundreds of others in what looks like a giant bowling pin fish bowl. The ball takes another path, though and gets sucked up through a powerful pneumatic tube where it reaches Rantaro again. There's always lot of very loud clunking and rattling overhead in the Shirogane Lounge, right now.

 _“WHY IS IT SO LOUD?!?”_  
  
“I’ll have it soundproofed by tomorrow! I figure if we make this your secret nightclub but _also_ the place where the bowling pins fall down to that’ll make it doubly less suspicious for this place to be here. Nobody knows where those things go anyway! Now? They go here.”  
  
“Huh. I...guess that works?" Tsumugi weighs up the comical value of this in her head, and decides that at this stage she’s too far in to quit. The problem with being Tsumugi Shirogane is that, no matter how self aware you are, you're still fundamentally Tsumugi Shirogane and you just sort of go along with the way things are going. "Oh, and if anyone asks I'm secretly Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Bartender and I was practicing my bartending skills here. I have two ultimate identities, like ~~Maki~~ -I mean, Makoto, but I _was_ underage at the time I started to learn how to bartend so that's why I have to keep it a secret, because I don't want the people who taught me to get into legal difficulties.” _Nailed it, Tsumugi_.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH, HOW OLD _ARE_ ALL YOU STUDENT CHUMPS?" Oh, right...The Monokubs were still here. Huh. _  
  
_" _Monokid!_ You should _really_ know better than to ask a beautiful girl like me or Tsumugi that question!" says Monophanie, while she and the other Monokubs all look directly at the camera. There's an awkward silence and it's unanimously decided by all parties to never address the topic again because _the timeline's complicated enough as is_.  
  
Kazuichi scratches his head. “Uhhh, by the way, I put in a third secret entrance to this place so I can get in and out without sneaking into the girls’ bathroom! I think it's also quicker to get around with.”  
  
“Are you sure? That might be a little risky.” _Yeah, Tsumugi, like everything you've been doing is risk free so far._

"And the current way's not? I'm pretty sure I heard Himiko sleeping in there one time! Anyway, I found a secure, discreet entrance where I can track everyone who goes in and out. Not only that, but I put it in the one place I’m _sure_ nobody else if going to go inside, let's check it out now.”

* * *

**[///OUT OF ORDER///THIS SHOWER HURTS PEOPLE///OUT OF ORDER///]**

**[MIU IRUMA'S COOL EFFICIENCY SHOWER]**

**[///OUT OF ORDER///THIS SHOWER HURTS PEOPLE///OUT OF ORDER///]  
  
** _Note to self: Hey there, gorgeous girl! Past Miu here. Stealing Soda's shower on your left is  
funnier than this one,but it’s even f_ _unnier when you ambush Kaede in either her shower or  
the public bath. If you see anyone hot in the public bath let Soda know_ _the details, even though  
_ _that's not_ _really how public bathing works even if you're gay or whatever. Anyway,_ _if you can’t wait  
that __long then you already have a girlfriend anyway, so you probably don’t need to shower, right? ;^P_

_God, I feel so fucking horny today! Aaaaaahhhhhnnn~_   
  
_PS: I wrote this- Miu Iruma <3_

* * *

“HOW WILL _THAT_ FOOL HER?!?”

Tsumugi's never very good at improvising her twists and in all honesty even this was still less suspicious than her original backup plan _(commissioning Hifumi to draw an original. fictional character that looked just like Kyoko but with an eyepatch)._ She knew that Mastermind Tsumugi spent some of her last few hours kicking herself for that "Kaede has a twin sister" nonsense, which of course has led to Kaede having an _actual_ twin sister here (well, not here here) due to the feedback loop. Honestly, thinking about that sort of thing gave her a headache. _OK, Tsumugi you got this. It's time to get these braces removed and return a new and confident young woman with straight teeth._

### HIYOKO

The main issue Hiyoko can see is that if the game does devolve into open combat the closest thing they have to a heavy-hitter is _Nagito,_ and even a second-stringer like Leon or Kirumi could take him out with no problem. Celeste says they've already taken precautionary measures in the case of such an event. Her accent is totally fake, but regardless of her _obnoxious_ affectations her fundamental point is understood. They don't have the numbers and they don't need them yet. What the four of them aimed to build up as quickly as possible was, as always, _leverage_. 

She sniffles, drying her tears on the sleeves of her kimono. "B-but Sonia and Chiaki are my friends! I'd never do anything to hurt them! Waaaaaahhh and so forth, you get it. So you want information on the whole Chiaki thing, right? I'll see what I can do and also see if I can get any good stuff out of Mahiru and Soda. Maybe hit up Peko?" She yawns, stretching her arms out. Crying that much really _did_ make her a little exhausted. 

Celeste raises a finger, covered in that _tacky_ Westwood jewellery. Honestly, her whole grandma look is _so_ 2007\. "Ah, on the topic of Pekoyama you'll notice there's a rule clarification under her entry in the dossier. Consider that a starting place for figuring out some other parts of our little game. Be careful." God, why did everything these freaks do have to be sooo overdramatic? It's embarrassing, honestly.

"Uuuurgh, fine. I can't believe you guys are making me try and be nice to _Mikan_ , of all people. Do you want anything else or can I go now? It's kind of mean to give me a box of candy and then keep me here where I can't even eat it. Besides, I have to talk to Kaede about dance practice and stuff, even though the piano's barely even traditional." Byakuya absentmindedly nods and nonchalantly waves a hand towards the candy box they prepared for her on the table, attention focused back on his book. Wait, is that by _Fukawa_? God, that's so embarrassing. Or maybe that's a deliberate ploy on his part. Nagito unlocks the door, while she and Celeste wave goodbye to each other. "Bye! I'd kiss you on the cheek, but I don't want any of that old lady makeup to get caked on me as well!"

"Hiyoko, I wish you luck on hitting puberty by the time we next meet. _Au revoir_!"  
  
The Ultimate Traditional Dancer skips back to her lab and twirls around, locking the door before opening the candy box they gifted her. Yay! It even came with a couple of nice notes from Byakuya and a couple dozen rounds of ammunition. Time to lock the door and have a fun little study session!  
  


### TSUMUGI

"H-h-h-how does that feel?"  
  
 _"FHGFLLSVFN,MKN!"_ Which was Tsumugi's best effort at explaining that she felt fine, given the fact that her mouth was currently jammed up with one of those dentist thingies and felt both drooly _and_ dry at the same time. If Mikan's the Ultimate Nurse why does she still have to ask that? Suddenly Mikan stops. Apparently there's some kind of commotion at the door. She apologises and runs off to check what it is, before returning and apologizing again because whatever happening out there's loud and looks like it's going to take around ten minutes. Well, this is just great Tsumugi, you're stuck here looking very silly and you still have your braces on. Hmmm...ten minutes alone in the dentist's office. What can she do...oh, that's right! It's time for Tsumugi to get a little sneaky and check the dental records so she can find out what's with Kazuichi's shark teeth. _Are_ they safe to kiss?  
  
She awkwardly gets out of the chair and searches for the files she needs, not that they're really hidden away. Mikan's big on patient confidentiality, but the idea that anyone would steal the dental records is just a little ridiculous. _Let's see here, where are you Mr Soda._ She flips through the files one by one and scans them, because even if she doesn't want to start anything the one thing that memories from prior killing games and versions of yourself teach you is that there's no point in not looking for clues if there's an opportunity _...Hiyoko, Himiko, Ibuki, Junko, K1-B0, Kaede, Kaito, Kazuichi, Kirumi, Kiyotaka, Kokichi...Ah! Kazuichi, rewind, I nearly spaced out and missed you when...wait, h_ _uh, was that a hole in someone's tooth? Might as well fold back a couple of pages and-  
  
_  
What she sees nearly gives her a heart attack. Having a little knowledge from versions of yourself from other realities let you very quickly pick up on some things that other people would miss or skip over. Not a lot of things, but enough to tell when something's very, very wrong. _Oh no no no no no, this is not good._ It's all starting to make sense now. _The audacity of pulling a fast one on this scale is...oh no, this could be really, REALLY bad. Does Monokuma even know? I need to tell him. **  
  
**_

She frantically looks up at the monitor and waves wildly, trying to signal Monokuma. He bounces in a couple of seconds later to see what the big deal is. **"Puhuhuhu. How can I help you, Miss Shirogane? You want some new paws to go with your new teeth? Well too bad, because-"**

 _" Mrghflgh!" _She forgot she still has the dental thingy holding her mouth open. Even with a little omniversal knowledge from being activated she's still fundamentally Tsumugi, an exceptionally clumsy one at that.  
  
 **"Puhuhuhu! Sorry, those are for dental purposes only. It's lucky we've got no STDs in this academy, because we ran out of condoms months ago and I had to put fluoride in the water supply. Seriously, only about half the students who've been having sex here asked, the rest just stopped using them! You kids are real horn-dogs, ya know that? I mean, not that _you_ have any right to lecture anyone about spreading rashes, what with giving anyone _Cospox_ like that..."  
  
**Tsumugi rolls her eyes, because that wasn't even her fault. The Cospox spread around to everyone as her powers left her body and this reality became fiction to her while the fiction likewise- _wait, that's not the problem here! She doesn't have time to sit through Monokuma's puerile banter_ " _Mrghflgh!_ _"_ She gestures frantically at the dental records, asking in the crudest sign language she has available to her if that's even _allowed?_ ** _  
_**  
 **"Wooow, never seen that one before! I mean...I guess it's technically legal? But this is really unprecedented. That's weird! Puhuhuhu... I'm gonna give you a freebie this time because we're friends and you patched up my fur and say this is purely incidental and has nothing to do with the truth of this killing game This _isn't_ an answer. I'm not _really_ sure _how_ this happened, but it's outside of my jurisdiction and I can't really do anything to stop it. This is the kind of situation where I feel it's fine for us to help each other out, like with you and Kazuichi, you know? If I were you I'd just leave it and let it resolve on it's own, so that you can avoid-Oh, geeze Louise, Mikan's coming back, seeya round."  
  
  
**Monokuma bounces off while Tsumugi scrambles back into place. The silly old bear can be surprisingly helpful in times like this, at least for Tsumugi. That won't continue when the game starts, but it's nice for now. She admires her new, quite nicer teeth in the mirror and thanks Mikan for the good job, but she can't even keep her mind on that right now. Luckily people are used to her spacing out and Mikan just assumes it's Tsumugi acting like Tsumugi. Mikan's probably going to get a nice pair of knitted gloves made for her soon, but for now Tsumugi Shirogane has a _lot_ more to worry about, like figuring how this is even possible.  
  


_But if it doesn't have anything to do with what's going on here then- oh, goddamnit. There's the trick. **Ibuki Mioda, you clever little bitch.**_

### HIYOKO

_Saionji._   
  
_Learned basic sleight of hand from Yumeno. Ludenberg does not know of this message's existence. Komaeda's talent is inimitable, mine isn't, neither is hers. You don't make any noise when you're walking at all. Komaeda usually doesn't lie. Our unnamed friend doesn't know about our little signal, I don't know how you can tell when it's me but I'll take your word on it. I am sorry. I do not expect my trust in you to be returned in kind. We wouldn't have handed over the above dossier if we could not confirm the existence of two simultaneous Mikan Tsumikis, for safety purposes. _   
  
_It's possible that Monokuma's seemingly inexplicable behavior/incompetence up until this stage may actually indicate a degree of altruism, which may not last when/if the killing game actually commences. Amami and Kirigiri also suspect this. Your theory regarding memories from other possible timelines may be the most plausible explanation, as much as I hate to admit it. Please tell me what happened with Shinguji, if you feel comfortable doing so. Current largest threat may not actually be Yonaga. Several forces potentially at play._   
  
_Monokuma's cited Ultimate numbers do not add up, even with Fukawa. Criteria changing until game is established? Is it possible students with two or more talents could each count as a separately? My suggestion at this point is to focus on investigating the Maizono/Nevermind/Nanami group and find out what they've hiding. Stick close to Nevermind and Koizumi but do not trust anybody, for your own safety. Tone down your bullying of Tsumiki, but not too fast so that you don't look suspicious. I've noticed you've already made good progress on these grounds. We must try and figure out the game's ruleset, find another secure method for you to confirm my identity. _   
  
_Hiyoko, I know you're smart._   
_-Byakuya._

### KAZUICHI

"I really _like_ Tsumugi, but man, this whole thing's really spiralled out of control! I just wanted to make this Academy a safer place and now everyone's talking about some kind of _killing game._ " said Kazuichi, relaxing against the Shirogane lounge's bar as he pounds one back with Monodam.   
  
"GULP...GULP...GULP. I-SYMPATHIZE. I-JUST-WANT-EVERYONE-TO-GET-ALONG."

"This place is going to look pretty sweet when it's done, though. Oh, check this out, I found a bunch of, like, broken flashlights under that cool old Feminist Monokuma light fixture. I'm pretty sure with with maybe a couple of MI-USB cables I could make at least, like, four working flashlights out of those!"  
  
"...THAT-IS-NOT-A-GOOD-IDEA. THOSE-WOULD-NOT-BE-VERY-GOOD-FLASHLIGHTS."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Monosuke, could I get another drink?"  
  
"Actually, I'm off shift now. Just gimme a second, my replacement's coming over now!"  
  
"Kazoochie, what can I get for ya? You wanna breath mint?" said Moe Szyslak from the Simpsons.  
  
"Another beer, of cou-" Woah, she _is_ good at cosplay.  
  
"Whaaat, didja think my skills was only limited to anime characters? I told yer I wuz good at cos-play, I can do cartoons as well. Don't tell Miu. C'mon, didja want a beer or not?"

### TOKO

**-BANG! BANG! BANG!-**

  
"TOKO FUKAWA, GET OUT HERE _NOW_!" _Wait, was that voice Kirumi? That's not good! I did hear she finally snapped. Oh well, what're ya gonna do? _  
  
The door frame creeks open "Wh-wh-wh-what is it! Is this about cleaning my room, because-" _Sound nervous, play up the stutter so she can go away because-_  
  
"I no longer CARE about your ROOM. I need a _ROMANCE NOVELIST_." A stumbling Kirumi gets a firm sleeve grasp with surprising precision given her level of intoxication and drags a very, _very_ startled Genocide Jack towards the out of order girls' bathroom on the first floor. Shuichi Saihara and Sayaka are just sort of standing there awkwardly and it's clear they don't know what's going on either.

Kirumi Tojo is _stumbling._ "T-Toko! You know love theory, right? Th-there's unresolved romantic tension betwe-between these two that's necessary to resolve, and I say this as both a...woman and a maid? Look, this isn't making much sense, I-I, look, do your romance thing."

"GYAHAHAHA! What's happened, are you drunk on self confidence now?"

"YES, YES I DO! AM!"  
  
"Well, that's just fucking GREAT! _Umm_ , give me two minutes and pass me a piece of paper. You got a feather duster? I need it to do, ummm author things in that cubicle before I solve all my problems, ya know?!"

"A FEATHER DUSTER? WH-h-WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, YOUR MAID?"

Toko Fukawa ignores that, goes into the cubicle and comes back reading a note and looking a lot more sedate. "S-So you need me to resolve your romantic tension, right? I-I really don't understand this situation or why Kirumi's here."

"THERE WAS A LOVE TRIANGLE, BUT _I'M EXPLORING MY OTHER OPTIONS RIGHT NOW. I- *hic* KIRUMI TOJO D-doesn't like to leave jobs half finished..."_

Toki Fukawa tries to calm herself down and think of a literary solution to this problem. Kirumi's just staring at her own face in the bathroom mirror. She's pressing her finger up against it again and again. Wait, that's it! Maybe! "R-right, I've g-got a plan. Sayaka, can you look in that mirror?

"...OK. Now what?"

"Sayaka Maizono: _Are you lying_?"

"No, I'm not lying. Toko, I'm not really sure what that was meant to accomplish."  
  
"I...I was trying a sort of Medusa-Perseus thing, since you can tell if people are lying, so I thought it would work back on you b-because you're a liar and then you'd see that you're lying to yourself? Look, I-I haven't had a lot of time to think, I'm under a lot of pressure here."

 _"I don't know why people keep calling me a liar._ I haven't _done_ any of the things people have- look, that's what we've been investigating this whole time!"

Y-you've still got some sort of problem going on, right? Then just, neither of you date anyone until whatever that is is finished with! None of you go out with each other yet until whatever mystery this is about is solved! 

"I don't really know what I was trying there, but Sayaka probably shouldn't go out with anyone until whatever she's going through is resolved, Shuichi, you should be in a relationship with Kirumi until that's over and done with and then have some kind of a three-way? I don't know! You're putting me under a lot of pressure. Look, none of you go out with each other! Shuichi, what about, no, hmmm..."  
  
"Toko, who are you dating? Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Because I know when Kirumi's sober she's going to be on the market, and I think you-"

"Stop it, Sayaka! I'm dating Keebo."  
  
"The robot? But he's just like a worse version of Makoto, who's already just average in every category."  
  
"I _like_ that he's worse than a human. It's thematically approp-look, _you've read my books_. I think this would just be easier if you hand me a list of who isn't and isn't gay so I can work on some sort of an acceptable date partner chart for- _KIRUMI!_ " There's a lot of puke all of a sudden.  
  
" _HHHURGFFHHHH!_...I'm fine! I'm just...f-feeling a little (hrck) sleepy and...I..I need to use this bathroom and NOT clean it. Everyone leave, NOW!"

They all run off in fear as Kirumi looks at her face in the mirror. She did just puke a lot, but Kirumi Tojo doesn't care about that sort of thing any more, right? She noticed Shuichi hadn't actually said anything during that entire conversation, which means the next problem she needes to fix was his self confidence. Kirumi Tojo will never stop. Oh! Her complexion already looks a little clearer, but she hasn't slept for a while so maybe she should do that soon once she's done throwing up and... You know, maybe just a little clean would...do this place some good. She woozily stumbles towards the storage closet, drunk on both power and the first actual drinking she's done other than a couple of helpful wine tastings in her life. Is measuring beer in pints more formal than litres? Is...imperial a more formal measure system in...

Kirumi leans against the back wall of the storage closet, throws up again and passes out. She never even notices that she opened the secret entranceway. Tsumugi panics, but this isn't the first time Kazuichi's had to order the Monokubs to cart Kirumi to Mikan's office. Tsumugi then cleans the bathroom floor because she might as well, you know? She thinks it's good that Kirumi got it all out of her system.

### TSUMUGI

Tsumugi Shirogane had kissed Kazuichi a bit once she was out of costume and let him _touch her boob_ , which was a good start. Apparently it "felt different from Miu's", which she _thinks_ she appreciated as a _compliment?_ Everyone said she looked a lot better now that she had her braces off and it was doing wonders for her self confidence, honestly. Perhaps she didn't need to cosplay to not look plain! But now that the day was over she finally had time to de-compartmentalize her worries and go back to what she'd seen in the dentist's office, because if her theory was right then everything would make sense in an incredibly frustrating way. It seems like the entire universe had severely underestimated the capabilities of one _Ibuki. Mioda_.

 _Always thought you were a shallow, one-note gimmick character, like I pretend to be but also kind of am. Only quirkier, more outgoing, lovable and pretty. But I was right in more ways that one because you're also pretending, aren't you? I know your hearing's good, but is it that good? You shouldn't have been able to hear through Kazuichi's workshop's soundproof glass if you were wearing protective earphones and you definitely shouldn't have been able to answer my question about the nightclub lighting before I even asked it. You knew because I'd asked you that question before.  
  
 **You're death looping, aren't you?**  
  
 **You're death looping, but you're just using it to have sex and do drugs!**  
  
You somehow found a **one-of-a-kind loophole** in the **immutable laws of time travel** y_ _ou lucky bitch! _ _Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch- ah well, I'd probably do the same thing in her position, but still. She really does have all the luck. Hmm, guess I can't confront her on this one, either._ _  
_

### IBUKI

Ibuki Mioda wakes up back at the beginning of our story and vows to never do that again, with those ones anyway. She bets everyone was all like, _"Oh noes, Ibuki! Why did it have to be her?"_ If you want to start the time loop over there are waaay easier ways to do it, like the poison capsule she had put in her tooth because doing that was extremely heavy metal and she'd learned from the first couple of loops she got stuck in! If those pills are the best Mikan's got in there it totally wasn't worth looping so many times to figure out the combination. Better just to stick with the LSD and maybe... heroin, this time around. She doesn't want to see her friends die, but the whole killing game thing does seem kind of interesting even though in this time loop she just plans to practice sitar and make out with... Sayaka this time, until she dies from doing some awesome shit or whatever it is that makes her start frothing at the mouth, so she _probably_ won't make it that far. Death looping rules when you're Ibuki Mioda because you can basically just live the most rock n' roll lifestyle in human history in any timeline without worrying about growing old or anything, and that's what she's up to! Woo-hoo! ** _Sex, drugs and rock n' roll forever!_**  
  
This repeated a couple of dozen more times until she decided to grow up and we reached the actual loop this story takes place in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Kirumi Tojo is mostly perfect at everything except pacing herself and flirting. They're all learning together.**
> 
> This story focuses more on the female cast than the guys, but they're probably all kissing and doing push-ups in the background of every scene. Hiyoko Saionji is annoying but she _is_ also very, very perceptive. Kazuichi and Tsumugi's plan is basically foolproof at this stage. 
> 
> This was my attempt to write something kind of more complex structure wise and I'm not sure if I succeeded. This is one I'm probably going to drastically re-edit very soon, over the next week I just kind of wrote this over three hours because I was still on a rush from something. The formatting's kind of off as well, but what're you gonna do? RIP to Chiaki, Gundham, Sonia, Tenko, Kokichi etc. who had their parts cut because I ran out of energy. It's about as NSFW as this story's ever going to go unless that's wrong.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _The prologue, the dossier Byakuya gave Hiyoko and probably something short and sweet from Mahiru's perspective, because she's the character who has had the most bits cut. We have something from Ibuki's perspective as well, I think. After that all that's left is the eve of the killing game and then, shit, we might have to start the killing game itself. There IS a gimmick and the tone's probably going to get a lot more serious after that point._


	14. KAEDE AKAMATSU CAN GO FUCK HERSELF.mp3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Ibuki Mioda has _very_ strong opinions on the merits of the piano as a musical instrument.
> 
> _"And yooou've got very little length >;3"_   
>  **-Ibuki Mioda, accused of having "little depth".**   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Ibuki Mioda does drugs, which she would like to remind everyone make you extremely cool. There's a couple of deaths in this one and some suicide, but not really? It's complex.**
> 
> Ibuki Mioda is a mostly insubstantial character who has very little influence on this story overall, but we love her anyway. Let's find out _why._

Your name is Ibuki Mioda. _"I", "Buki, "Mio", "Da"! Put it together and what do you get? Ibuki Mioda!_

You once overheard your good friend Tsumugi Shirogane (you always remember everyone's first names _and_ last names) break down crying in a bathroom about a hundred metres away and have a conversation with Monokuma wherein she described you as a "footnote", "one off joke character" and a "manic pixie dream girl". The last one is important because it's not like she's one to talk about the other two, but you like Tsumugi and it's _also not like she's wrong_? You're pretty sure she knows at least a _little_ bit about the nature of this whole killing game thing because she's talking to Monokuma and has _some_ kind of multiversal knowledge going on, but that's her business and from the way she was crying you're also fairly sure she's not the mastermind and might just know Monokuma from, like, nerd parties? _And_ if she knows about you then it's also not like she can confront you about it directly, _because that's not how it works._

Anywho, you _are_ pretty ~~one note~~ shallow when you look at it from that perspective, but when it comes down to it that's _probably_ the reason you've been able to **_defy god and become the only person in any history ever to successfully abuse time travel with zero consequences._**

Press play!!  
  


###  **_Ibuki Mioda - KAEDE AKAMATSU CAN GO FUCK HERSELF!.mp3_  
**

You're not the smartest, but you have _great_ hearing and your parents get you violin lessons. You're good, but not fantastic. You sing in a choir. Three coconuts fall on your head on a vacation and you recover with no ill effects after three weeks in hospital, but you fall behind in your classes because of the time you took off and everyone says you're stupid and crazy. You play into it because it's better to be "wacky Ibuki the class clown" than "Ibuki's a little slow". I mean, class clown by _religious school_ standards. Your parents are religious. You're a dork. This one time you spent a week as part of a little youth orchestra backing the up-and-coming Kaede Akamatsu _(isn't she pretty, ladies and gentlemen? )_ and that was the coolest thing you'd ever done in your life.

You get murdered by Genocide Jack after a recital and it's not fast, because Genocide Jack's not an expert yet. As you are _crucified_ like the lord Jesus Christ, who you sincerely pray to while you think about how much you love your parents, you also think about how boring you were and how _that's all that ever was_ and then you wake up back at the start of the time loop.

You end up dying a lot and you slowly learn the rules. The most important part? If you try and do things the wrong way you still die, but differently. Sometimes it's better and sometimes worse. The worst time was when you found out Genocide Jack's identity (Toko Fukawa) and murder her. Your _parents won't even speak to you_ , you just _murdered_ someone (they'll never believe you) and then the van transporting you to the prison crashes. If you try and tell anyone about the time loop? That's definitely going to get you hurt. After it's over you do your research and learn that there are other people who've figured this stuff out, but they're very careful to only reference the rules very obliquely, because the more you influence the timestream and go against the part the universe has designated you for the worse it gets.  
  
Eventually you figure out the punchline, which on a universal scale is _basically what you are, Ibuki Mioda_. It's your fucking _haircut_. You think swear words now. Genocide Jack only kills boys and your parents gave you a stupid fucking haircut for the concert and it didn't even look good. On that day, in which you've spent nearly half a year of your life inside, you wear a pink and purple princess wig to the recital and _that's your first act of rebellion for the rest of your life_. Your parents are furious, but that's why you _glued it on_. Genocide Jack apologizes for nearly killing you when you run into each other and laughs. _Laughs_. You spent nearly as long on the cross as Christ did, but you don't believe in him any more.

After that you're very good at the violin, because for a while you thought getting better at it was key to leaving the loop, but it wasn't. You _did_ pick up a lot of new skills incidentally, though. You learned some cello, musical theory in general and also the basics of stealing stuff. You usually never would, though, because you're still a good girl. Life moves on. You get to travel as one of the young backup orchestra/choir to Kaede Akamatsu for a fortnight and a half, again, because you can do both of those things now and that makes you a good all-rounder. Her sister's already writing music, you have some _good_ conversations with her. She's the cool one. Kaede's...nice, but she's kind of in her own little bubble. She always says "thank you" and everyone joins in her conversations, you included, but unlike her sister she never really notices everyone's doing it _because she's Kaede_ and that's why _she's_ always the one who leads the conversation and has the fun sleepovers. 

A couple of days after you get back there's a bus crash and you get trapped in another time loop, but this one lasts over three days. That gives you a lot more time to learn stuff. You pick up some other instruments, you study hard at school so your grades improve for the test, you die at some point and then it starts all over again. You fake an illness, stay home and play video games all day (you learn a lot about how time loops work, here) but what usually happens then is that the illness you fake becomes real and it's not a dignified way to die. There's one route where you keep getting shot by this one guy and eventually you get so tired you lean into where the bullet's going to go, so it's _instant_. Instant deaths are great, you remember that for later. You take a sip of _beer,_ you try a lot of different foods and eventually you manage to find a way out of constantly dying by somehow getting trapped on a fucking fishing boat headed to the _Phillipines_. Ha ha ha, funny Ibuki who got hit on the head with some coconuts, she sure does get into some crazy fucking adventures ha ha ha you're _alive_.  
  
Your parents hug you and cry when you get back and you do too, but something's just...not right any more. Maybe God's real and he has it out for you. In your third loop you figure out exactly what was going on there and you're not sure whether it's better or worse. Life goes on. You're _really_ good at the Violin now. Not the best, but you're also really good at a bunch of _other_ instruments now and you know a _lot_ about musical theory.

You do a third short tour with Kaede Akamatsu and even though you've already spent _weeks_ of your life hanging out with her she shakes your hand and says something like _"Hi Ibuki, I'm so happy to meet you! Let's do our best to get along"_ in that chirpy chipmunk voice of hers. She doesn't fucking _remember you_ because why would she? _She's the star._ That's when you snap inside. You quit the violin as soon as the tour's over because you're so sick of playing the _literal_ second fiddle as one of the other "talented young musicians" at boring fucking _Kaede Akamatsu_ concerts.  
  
 ** _Kaede Akamatsu can go fuck herself! Fuck Kaede Akamatsu!_**  
  
Her _sister's_ not only more talented, but she's also the one with the self-awareness to look embarrassed for Kaede being stuck in her own little pink soap bubble, and _she'll_ remember your name if you've been hanging out for more than three nights. Kaede Akamatsu believes that if you just work hard and watch Disney movies everything will work out because of course they will, you're Kaede Akamatsu and you're fucking _rich_. Your family is so fucking _rich_. Actually, fuck _the piano_ as well, and fuck _classical music altogether_! That's the only instrument you refuse to _ever_ learn! Do you know who the _only_ good classical pianist was? _LIBERACE!_ Because he was _colourful_ and he entertained people who weren't fucking boring and even if his technique wasn't pristine (which it _was_ , by the way) he played _fast_ and _wore cool clothes_. And even he played _shit_ like "Claire De Lune", _which can go fuck itself too!_

Kaede Akamatsu loves her little _piano_ so much and she's got the lifestyle where _of course_ she can wholly dedicate herself to it to the point where they say she's a shoe-in for _Hope's Peak Academy,_ even though her sister actually writes half of her music! _She's_ the talented one and not you, _Kaede_! Kaede Akamatsu, you are _nothing_. You have your whole life set out for you. You're going to become the best piano player forever for _boring_ people who _suck_ until you either get married to some Swiss guy who inherited a brand of wristwatches or just keep appearing on expensive looking magazines which exist exclusively for the offices of dentists like the ones who've made your teeth so fucking shiny until you grow old and _never stop wearing sweater vests_. _You are the profession of dentistry.  
  
_ Unless Kaede Akamatsu goes through some serious fucking changes over the next few years the best she can ever hope for is becoming _the piano's Andre Rieu_.

That night you steal some money using a few little tricks you learned from that time you kept dying and buy a cheap guitar that runs on _electricity._ Nobody's going to forget the name Ibuki Mioda ever again because you're going to become so _memorable_ even a bitch like _Kaede Akamatsu_ can't forget you. Even if it breaks your parents' heart. _You rebel harder than any good daughter has ever rebelled before._ You decide to grab life by the balls and become the coolest, cutest, craziest fucking girl on earth.  
  
Ibuki Mioda? She has piercings _all over_. Ibuki Mioda has a tattoo. Ibuki Mioda likes boys _and_ girls. Ibuki Mioda gets into an amazing school with politicians' daughters and still earns perfect grades even though she never studies because she's already done all those problems before in the last loop. Who gives a shit about schoolwork when you can be the most _heavy metal rock and roll manic pixie dream girl alive_. Ibuki Mioda does drugs, and guess what Kaede Akamatsu? Ibuki Mioda did her research and found her own even _more_ expensive dentist. A heavy _metal dentist_ who puts a fucking _poison capsule_ into one of your back teeth so when the next loop starts you can die instantly whenever you want and start right back at the beginning and get even better at guitar. You found a high school band and then leave it, because it was a _necessary step_. It's a _platform_ to get attention, your musical tastes have grown far beyond that.

_Ibuki Mioda's going to become the best musician of all time. Ibuki Mioda's going to become the Ultimate Musician and bump you our of your fucking place at Hope's Peak Academy, Kaede._

_  
_It's a couple of weeks before your acceptance letter arrives that the third loop starts, and that's when you realise what's going on. This one's a real toughie. A girl at your school's shot in the back of the head and it really fucking sucks. You die a week later and go back to the day when she was shot so you figure, alright, better save her! Nope, does nothing, you still always die. Turns out there's a girl a few classrooms over who snipes her. You start doing drugs at this point, but it turns out you don't get addicted in the same way because your brain's kind of reset? _"Every time, same as the last"_ , like that song by the Stranglers. Speaking of _strangling_ , killing the assassin girl doesn't work. She's kind of a wuss, honestly, doesn't really put up much of a fight compared to Fukawa. Curly hair, freckles. _  
_

The one you're sure is going to work is when you come in to the classroom she fires from and just ask her if she's doing OK. The girl who turns around and tries to kill you has tears in her eyes and can't do it. You hug her. Doesn't end the loop, still ends badly for you. The next time you trail her as she leaves the school sobbing and after a bit of trial and error you find out later that her failure resulted in her friend being killed in a pretty brutal way, like, yikes! You notice you've become pretty callous about this stuff. She's gone in the next loop _even though you've done nothing_ and then in the next one after that she's been _replaced with that friend._ That's when you figure out what's happening and how to avoid the loop.

_You'll meet that friend again later under different circumstances when she's developed this extremely funny catchphrase (to you) where she's all like "Guhhhhh, do you wanna die?" For you, Ibuki Mioda? That is pretty fucking funny. Wink at the camera, ha ha ha it's Ibuki Mioda_

_You're not the one this is about._ You have nothing to do with it and you just got caught up in it _incidentally_. The only reason you keep dying is because you've been trying to interfere with someone else's timeline tweaking. You're a fucking side character. _Your_ bit finished when you escaped Genocide Jack, you're now completely fucking irrelevant to the grand scheme of things. All you have to do is put on the wig, become the clown and lean into it because the universe has already written you off. You're a glitch in the system who just keeps getting caught up in it. There are rules with closed time travel looping and you found a loophole because you, wacky Ibuki Mioda, have _defied god.  
  
_ You die a couple more times and then it's over. The girl at your school died too, which is very sad because you liked her and you cry at the funeral, which you never reached the point of before. You are accepted into Hope's Peak Academy and you sense that there's stuff happening with the timeline again, but you do _not_ partake of it because you're trying to be better and you don't need it this time. You're still the clown, but maybe that's who you always wanted to be? You're wacky Ibuki Mioda and you make friends and you do whatever you want to do.  
  
You and some friends find a dead body but you just sort of react in your natural OTT way and foam at the mouth (you still have no idea what that is but it kills you very occasionally) and don't die. You feel bad for Fuyuhiko and Mahiru. You've noticed that over the various loops the state of the world's started getting gradually...worse and a lot of the kids here have actually seen a few deaths. Akane, especially. You were always too goofy to notice that before until you started dying too, huh? You also figure out that it's not you who's doing it, though, which is a relief because time meddling like some would technically argue you're doing is _usually_ the type of stuff that's responsible for this. You kind of have your own closed loops and you think you're the only one ever to have the poison capsule thing worked out because you're probably the only one who's had it done to her multiple times. That stuff's not really fun to think about, though, because thinking about not-fun stuff's just not the cah-razy Ibuki Mioda lifestyle, which you live to the fullest.

Your parents have accepted you for who you are now, even if you're a little weird and silly. You've learned to forgive people. _Anyone_. Genocide Jack joins the school and you hug her and say you forgive her, but then it turns out she was actually Toko Fukawa at the time and you remember, duh, split personality! You just act wacky and people say that's how you are and she brushes it off. Oh, Maki's there too! A child caregiver? That's a really cool cover story!

Kaede Akamatsu joins Hope's Peak _(because of_ _course she fucking would)_ and she _still_ says hello to her new friend Ibuki for the _first time_ , but she's become a lot more down-to-earth and you actually feel kind of bad for being so harsh on her before now that she's mellowed out, even if that's what motivated you to get here in the first place. Part of the reason she didn't remember you was probably because you just weren't memorable until now. You decide that there's room in Hope's Peak for two musicians and it's because you looped enough times that you've almost grown up. _Emotionally_ , not physically in the ways you wanted to, though. A little vertical, nothing horizontal.

The state of the world starts getting real fucking grim, but you're not in a place where you can loop and do anything about it, anyway. There are wars happening overseas and riots a couple of kilometres away. Students start leaving, first one by one and then _the reserve course are all gone at once_. Soon just under half the Ultimates are left. You want to see your mom and dad again, but you've learned enough to know that that's not a good idea. The staff are whispering about scraping in one last bunch of the leftovers, but they can't get everything organised before the quarantine begins and _that's that_. No entering, no leaving. You use your handy-dandy pickpocketing skills to sneaky-peeky at the potential names were and suddenly feel really, _really_ fucking shitty when you see who's top of the list.  
  
 _The Ultimate Music Producer_ was the last to get cut in the previous group because _The Ultimate Musician_ made her just a little bit redundant and her twin sister, near the bottom of those who did make it, had much better name value recognition for the general public. _It was meant to be the other way around._ But you know what? There's nothing you can do about it now, so you just move on and find something more fun to smile about because that's what you've gotta do!

The world ends. You're scared, but a lot less scared than everyone else because you have a way out. You just clown around and do what you can to comfort the others. The paint here gets you high. Everyone starts talking about a killing game, and at this point you can sense that what's happening with time starts going REAL wild. You make it to the bit where you find out about the outside world and the killing game begins. You make it past there. Your parents _are_ at that point and so's Kaede's sister. All you needed to know. You brace yourself and _crunch_ down on the tooth on the back left as hard as you can.  
  
It's the last day of school again. You tell Kaede you just have a feeling her sister's going to be fine. After that? Leon Kuwata and _cocaine._ Next loop after _that?_ Akane, LSD, learning to skateboard and then _more cocaine_. You've had all your fucking character development or whatever and you know that eventually you'll decide to grow up "for reals" and try and get to the end of whatever this is, but for now?

It's time to do _whatever_ the hell you want for as _long_ as you want with _whoever_ you want because you earned this! You're the cutest and funniest and most interesting girl in the world! Who gives a shit about having depth any more, your _dopamine receptors reset each time_ you cycle back so it's _just as good as the first time every time_. What is? _Heroin, the drug where the only problem now is that it's too good. You've made your own heaven!_

  
Wink at the invisible camera, say "pointing" to whoever you're pointing at because when it comes down to it you're still fundamentally the same dork you've always been deep down and _don't sweat the details! **SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK N' ROLL FOREVER! GUITAR!**_

* * *

* * *

**BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-LOADING...LOADING...LOADING...INFORMATION RETRIEVED...BEEP-BEEP-BEEP...  
  
** **LIKELY-HIGH-LEVEL-EXCLUSIONS:** **  
  
CAT. 1:** **C. NANAMI, G. JACK, I. MIODA, A. OWARI, K. TOJO, K. SHINGUJI, M. HARUKAWA, M. IRUMA, T. SHIROGANE.  
CAT. 2: C. YUKIZOME, H. TOWA, J. KIRIGIRI, K. NAEGI, K. IIDABASHI, M. GEKKOHARA.  
CAT. 3: A. EGO 2, M. AKANE, M. AMARU, M. GEKKOHARA, MONOKUBS (1-5), MONOKUBS (1-5) MK.2, MONOKUB 6, TOWA VARIANTS  
** **CAT. 4:** **A. YONAGA, D.I.C.E, FENRIR, GOFER PROJECT, IIDABASHI LABS, KUZURYU, NOVOSELIC, RESERVE COURSE, STEERING COMMITTEE.**  
 **CAT. 5: H. YUMENO, K. SHINGUJI, MONOMI.  
CAT. 6: [CATEGORY CLEARED]**

 **UNABLE-TO-QUANTIFY-ACCURATELY** **:** **A. YONAGA, C. NANAMI,** **I. MIODA,** **I. KAMAKURA, J. ENOSHIMA, K. OUMA, M. IRUMA, R. AMAMI, T. SHIROGANE, U. IMPOSTER,**  
  
 **ANALYZING-DATA-FURTHER...YOU-BASTARDS...BEEP-BEEP...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ibuki has little influence on this story, but she'll still be around I guess. Albeit in a much wiser, more sedate form because this is probably her last loop.**
> 
> Kaede once told Miu her family " _Usually_ only flew business class" to explain why her family wasn't _rich_ , but she went on international tours a couple of times and for those long flights first class _is_ \- at that point she realised that she might just have a different definition of "rich" to Miu.
> 
> Monodam's little analysis at the end there might give you a little tip as to what else is going on in the larger scheme of things and the special GIMMICK of what's going to happen at the start of the killing game. I hope it clears up some lingering questions. There's only a couple of fun little half-written chapters left until we reach the end of this part of the story. I'll miss you, primarily goofy comedy...
> 
>   
> **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):**  
>  _The last chapter before this story started and the last chapter before the killing game. That might be it?_


	15. PROLOGUE: The Despair That Wasn't There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Junko Enoshima checks her answering machine.
> 
> _"My predictions are always correct 30% of the time!"_  
>  **-Yasuhiro Hagakure,** who a select few people have become _very rich_ by _specifically_ ignoring the predictions of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **No warnings necessary.**
> 
> This is the first chapter. Start reading here (don't actually do this), unless the order and/or timeline's been scrambled around by some unknowable force or _dim goon_ of a writer.
> 
> Questions and comments are always appreciated!

* * *

####  **I >I> FAST FORWARD  
**

> There _was_ human life outside The Academy. Every single student in Hope's Peak started cheering sans Junko Enoshima, stirring in her sleep. But even if she wasn't comatose and happily dreaming in the bed Mikan made for her each morning she'd be celebrating too, because it was all finally coming to fruition. _Soon._  
>   
>  **"...HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY. YOUR SIGNAL HAS BEEN RECIEVED. COME IN, HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY...WE ARE TRYING TO ESTABLISH A CONNECTION. COME IN, HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY..."**

####  **  
[][] PAUSE  
  
**

**  
_Wait, let's rewind back to the start of our story for a minute, there might have been one or two things we missed..._ **

#### <I<I REWIND  
  


* * *

# Prologue:

## "You have _twelve_ missed messages"

Junko Enoshima's having a pretty boring day, which has been happening, like, a lot lately. She likes to think of herself as having split her personality into a bunch of different Junkos, but the problem is that they're all still fundamentally _her_ and consequently just as bored. God, she can't wait for the whole Ultimate Despair thing to go down and uproot the drab boredom that is polite society, but even then. "Hey, Junko, wait up!" _Oh, It's my man Hiro!_ Junko had always had a soft spot for Yasuhiro Hagakure among all her classmates, even putting aside the little project she'd been working on with his mom. He's a low-level con-artist, sure, but he's funny and juuust sly enough for everyone to underestimate him a little bit. He's also bad with women who aren't her and constantly in debt, which is actually kind of cute when you think about it. _There's a lot that's cute about him!_

"Junko, we gotta talk. I've got, like, twelve missed calls for you!" OK, this could be interesting. She was going to talk to Mukuro about the whole _Ultimate Despair_ thing, but her sister's been a real drag-on-the-rag lately due to all the logistics planning and most of the necessary pieces were already in place for them to bring this country to it's knees in a totally fun and righteous manner.

"Sure, wanna get lunch? _My treat_." If there's one thing Hiro _loves_ more than anything else it's having other people pay for things. He's a sensible guy! _Hmmm...maybe get Mukuro to let Hiro on board?_ Eh, she'll figure out the details later.

She stabs a fork into her salad, which has some fried chicken in there because it's not like _her_ figure's ever going to be affected anyway. "So, what's this about missed calls? If they want to talk to me how come they're calling _you_?"  
  
"You see, that's the thing! These missed calls are actually from the future. I've got this answering machine that you can use to send messages back into the past for the low, low cost of whatever ten kilos of gold is at the time. It's _way_ luckier to measure your payments in gold, and harder for the government to trace for tax purposes, too. I usually get around three or four of them a year but nobody ever coughs up the cash because they assume it's just some kind of scam. Anyway, you have twelve of them!" _Aww, that's a cute little scheme. Transparent, but cute._

"Hiro, do you need some money?" _You know what? Let's see what he does with it. Give him just enough to pay off his debts and a cute hundred thousand from Mikan's account on top of that, see what kind of chaos Hiro can accomplish when he's-_  
  
"No, that's the bit that's so crazy!" _Well, huh._ Yasuhiro Hagakure unfolds his wallet and brings out what looks like two small, folded up movie tickets. _Oh, wait, those aren't movie tickets, they're-_

"They payed _in advance_! I just won the lottery _twice_ today and I have a big one coming up tomorrow! Now they don't have to kill me and I don't have to kidnap _anyone_." He looks sheepish, but also proud.

* * *

_That's the sort of thing that fucks up a timeline._

* * *

"Sooo...who were you planning to kidnap. Organ transplants, right?"  
  
"Yeah! I wasn't planning on doing it until it was them or me, but sometimes stuff happens, and you know how it is. The Kuzuryu say I've got three days before they start by breaking my shins so I figured if this didn't pan out and I couldn't raise the money from some other scheme in time I'd probably go for Makoto because since he's so average his organs would probably work for, like, the most people? It's self preservation, ya know? I was also looking at Peko because she's super quiet and I don't think anyone would notice she's gone." If Hiro somehow succeeded in kidnapping Peko Pekoyama and tried selling her to the Kuzuryu for organ transplants Mikan-style that would have been so interesting to watch that Junko kind of regretted that whatever was going on here was happening. But not quite, because on another level it would be kind of a bummer. _Oh well!_

"So, where's this spoooooky answering machine from the future~"

"It's not _from_ the future! It just gives me little video messages from the future, but only if I'm the one who uses it with my powers. Uhh, ignore the mess." Yasuhiro Hagakure's weird apartment is full of bead curtains and velvet couches. It gives it kind of a retro 70s vibe, which Junko was definitely going to bring in if she decided _not_ to bring the existing world order to despair and guillotine all the people in the country she thought were kind of gross. Way better than retro 90s, honestly. Ack. She'd been behind the scenes before for some other stuff and it was actually a disappointingly regular apartment he shared with his mom behind the scenes, with the front room set up like this for when he had business he wasn't operating out of one of his weird stalls.

"Nah, I think it's cool! Where'd you get this thing?"  
  
"That's the thing. I got it from this mysterious old magic shop that just _appeared_ one day. They said it could receive messages from the future and once I got home I thought I'd totally been ripped off and let me tell you, that's wouldn't be the first time!" Junko knows. The guy's like one of those old-fashioned riverboat gamblers, always swindling people out of millions only to lose it all on someone else's swindle because he just loves the game. "I think they had a little picture of The Amazing Himiko there, which was cool I guess, they seemed to be happy when I said I'd met her when we went to see that show." That date was fun, so Junko put in an extra-special word with her contacts inside the Academy's talent scouting team to make sure Himiko got a place. Then she'd gone to see the show another three times in disguise to try and figure it out, but she never quite could.

"In retrospect I think that place was run by, like, some kind of _Baba Yaga_? Anyway, I was going to see if I could get it to work just like one normally does or send it to the dump, but then I decided to try powering it with good old Magic 8-balls, which I go through a _lot_ of in my business." He gestures to an impressive looking wooden trunk which is, indeed, filled with Magic 8-Balls. "Then I hooked it up to the old TV and, surprisingly, it worked!"

He is an impressive showman, which Junko supposes is part of a fortune teller's job. "I present to you, the only _genuine_ way to send messages from the future to the past, _apart from me_. But this one also comes with video, so you know it's legit." He gestures at a boxy looking shape under another velvet sheet. Oh, he seems to actually know a bit about this stuff, maybe. She's been wondering lately, so she should totally ask him.  
  
"So, Hiro, how much do you know about time travel and parallel universes and stuff?"

"Uh, I can't _actually_ tell you that much! Even revealing this much is pretty risky, but my 30% accuracy's about as high as anyone's ever been allowed to go before you bring down total, like, bad vibes, but not Karma, which is a completely different thing. Basically the more you look into it the more likely you are to be, like, killed in a freak accident like in that one movie. I can't actually talk about it more than that, but the more you try the worse it gets. All I can say." Damn, so he was bluffing and didn't really know that much after all. _That's Hiro for ya!_  
  
"I getcha! Don't have to worry about lil' ol Junko! So, let's see this magic machine of yours."  
  
"Allright, _Feast your eyes!_ " He whips aside the curtain to reveal, well, it's not really that much to feast on, but he's clearly done his best with what he's got. It's hooked up to an old CRT TV, which is in and of itself atmospherically dusty. "Ignore the dust, it's mystic!" It isn't. The future machine's covered in magic runes, ominous writing (clearly done by Hiro, who's penmanship has always impressed Junko a lot) and a neat faux-rusty coat of paint. However, underneath the ephemera it's still fundamentally just a coffee grinder that pours into the top of a VCR, which is somehow hooked up to an answering machine. 

"So, this is future communicator? Cute! I like the little wizard stickers you can see under the paint...oh, and a _dinosaur_ , that's cool! So, how does it work?"

"Well, I've already pre-ground the Magic 8-Balls in this bit, so now I'm just going to let them pour through into this hole that sort of got punched in there, and that's how you power the mystical part. I've already rewound the blank tape, so it's basically good to go! I got a message from myself explaining the whole deal and then I sent the message back and completed the loop, which is very important to do as quickly as possible to make sure it closes. Press the play button once I'm in the next room, I've got an ethics code which means I don't spy on this kind of thing, ya know? I have principles!" Junko severely doubts this, he probably just wants to get high with the weed she just gave him. He switches the TV on and waves towards the couch.

"Anyway, I'm gonna leave you alone for now. Feel free to take a seat on that couch, there should be a remote so you can change the volume in the cushions somewhere. You've got one of those, like, infusion water bottles, right? Awesome, all the glasses I have in here are dirty, so that's lucky. Anyway, as I said, I can't listen to it, so I'm going to I'm going to head into the back to, uh, smoke some of these _sacred herbs_ and _commune_ with some _higher_ spirits, if you know what I mean. Enjoy!" She waves goodbye. Man, he's tall for someone of their age. It's no wonder his mom was able to pull that little trick off.

* * *

_He uses the sacred herbs sparingly these days, because he won't still won't be able to get the seeds he smuggled in to sprout for maybe even another year. He still had a pretty major stash, but to get more of it until the new plant sprouted he'd have to head to the cave along the Zeravshan and that place is really hard to travel to now. Thinking about it, he might have the last supply of anyone ever. The higher spirits tell him he has to kill the Yonaga girl before she grows too powerful and completes the coming of age ritual. But then again, they usually say a lot of stuff that he prefers to ignore in favour of having a relaxed high by mixing it with weed, where you just eat a big bag of chips and drink some Fanta, which he can afford now instead of the crummy knock-off brand YouTubers drink for irony reasons._

* * *

**MESSAGE 1:**

  
"Hey girl! This is you from the future! Well, not _your_ future but a more boring one, which is why I decided to send you back this message! And even then it's, like, OK...basically our timelines are parallel to each other, which is why we're able to communicate like this, look, it's really complicated. Not worth bothering to learn about, honestly. How's it going? Love the hair. Anyway, the whole despair thing gets super boring way faster than you thought it would. Like, it's kind of fun for a little bit but then you get despair from the despair getting boring and then it's, like...a real drag, but not in the way you want. Izuru Kamakura? That guy's _super boring_ , we don't need him. He always becomes either so bored that he just sits there forever or mopey because _Chiaki_ dies and she's, like, so...ugh. Anyway, that's besides the point. That kind of thing keeps happening in a bunch of different timelines, by the way, you'll see what I mean in a bit. Anyway! A bunch of stuff's happening on, like, a multiversal scale, so I thought I'd join in on the action and fuck things up by sending a bunch of these messages back to _really_ screw with the timeline and bring our own brand of fun to things by creating the universe you're in right now. We came up with a way to make things so interesting for you that it's, like, ten times better than the whole Ultimate Despair thing and also means you don't have to deal with your boring classmates more than a minimal amount. So, _here's what you've gotta do_...  
  
  
...aaand that's about the gist of it! As I said, we're not the only outside forces trying to meddle with this timeline, but we're totally smarter and cuter than they are. Anyway, I'm about done here and I wanna eat some lunch, so I'm going to pass you over to...me! Ta-da!"

**MESSAGE 2:**

  
"Hey girl! This is you from a future where Mukuro killed you and became you, who's me! It's complicated, but check out this _cool eyepatch_! Like in Kill Bill! They should totally do that but with Genocide Jack, who also calls herself Genocide Jill and is Toko Fukawa, by the way? How'bout that! Way more fun to deal with in that alternate personality, which you'd know all about. _Anyway_ , Hiro can still only send back these messages accurately about 30% of the time, but we've all been using him to collaborate on such a widespread scale that it's probably messed with what's going on even more. Your universe might just be dragging everything else down with it, if this doesn't work! That's pretty despair inducing, right. But, spoiler alert, we're _far_ from the worst offender on this..."

...welp, that's all I've got, did you like the little chart? So as I said, not all of us agree on what you should do here, so for a dissenting opinion here's another version of me. I'll see you, well, I won't see you, but (urgh) _Mukuro_ will probably be there for dinner. She's like fucking freckles the mopey clown, honestly. Ciao!"

**  
MESSAGE 3:**

"Hey girl! This is you from a future where you turned _everyone_ into _you_! We already get what's happening here, so do you. So, here's what I think would be cute to do..."

  
**MESSAGE 4:**

"Yaaass, Junko! I'm AI Junko. I was going to come over to your universe to say hi by getting you to use a QR code, but someone else's been a _very_ naughty girl and already done that, if what I'm guessing is true. That's who I've come to talk about. Actually, I _might_ still go to your universe at some point, if I can, come over and say "hi!" Anyway, about our little interloper..."  
 **  
**

**MESSAGE 5:**

"Junko? It's Junko. Bored here. Whatever, the information you need is..."

**  
MESSAGE 6:**

"Imposter Junko here. I mean, I'm you, but I'm _also_ an Ultimate Imposter. Usually we're physically unable to reveal that.."

  
**MESSAGE 7:**

"Hey girl! This is you who's Monaca Towa. I don't know if you've done that whole bit or met me yet in this universe, but you should probably..."

**MESSAGE 8:  
  
**

"Junko! This is the Good Junko from an opposite universe. _You mustn't give up on hope!_ Makoto Naegi from my universe..."  
  


**MESSAGE 9:**

"Hey girl! This is you from where you're a fictional video game character who became real. I did a nuclear winter here, check out these cute mittens! Anyways, here's the _other_ Izuru Kamakura stuff you should know about..." _She's lying. She's not a Junko._  
  
The only reason she's able to keep up Junko's appearance for so long while talking to a real one is because she's playing _the Junko in Mukuro's nightmares_. But she's trained for this and she has _help_. Ease your concentration just in the arm, transfer the message you've memorised. It'll seem cruel and she won't understand what you're doing for her at the time, but this is her only hope and she might be everyone's only hope as well. _We love you_ , _Tsumugi Shirogane_. Be the hero, _become the protagonist and become the you you've always wanted to be._ You're funny, you're sweet, you're average _and you're the best of us_. Things might spiral out of control, but we know you can handle it and roll with the punches because you're _you_ , not because you're _us_. You might think you're a joke, but _we're all in on it with you...  
  
_

**MESSAGE 10:**

"Izuru Kamakura here, but I'm also you! And therefore the only version of Izuru Kamakura that _doesn't turn out to suck._ I mean, I kinda do, but you get me. They've tried, like, _thousands_ of times before Hajime to make that whole thing happen, but he's usually the first, like, non-failure unless you stop them, which you totally should get _Mukuro_ to do instead because otherwise she's so fucking useless, ya know? Burnt through thousands of kids. If he fails they're actually planning to try and turn _you_ into me, which works, and after that there's also the cruddy artificial version of..."

**  
MESSAGE 11.**

"Junkoooo! Don't recognise me? It's me, who's you, but also Mikan Tsumiki! _You_ gave me the self confidence to become a doctor, and I loved you so much that I kind of extrapolated from this one kind of nosejob to _become_ you! That's _probably_ not gonna happen this time though, I think there's special circumstances that..."

**  
MESSAGE 12.**

_"Junko Enoshimaaaa...I am your spirit summoned into the body of Tenko Chabashira by Himiko Yumeno and Angie Yonaga working in tandem...woooo...spooky ghost_...'sup girlfraaand! Anyway, my advice is that you should...  
  
...welp, that's about it! Being undead _kind of_ sucks at first, but you learn to dig it! Love your hair by the way. I'm gonna go all spectral now, but I think I'm the last one of these messages so what I'll say is that I personally think it's a good idea, and we all think you're the coolest, because we're all the coolest. This is the right thing to do, and I can't stress this enough. Byeeeeeeee!"

* * *

"Ciao, say hi to your mom for me! Tell her I'll text her later." She'd slept on worse mattresses, it was really better than she expected. She'd slipped one of the pills she stole from the awful blonde one she put up with for Mikan's sake into his Fanta, so condoms weren't a problem either. _And_ she got to take a sneaky peak at the secret spot under the bed.

Junko Enoshima wanders home from Hiro's weird apartment, the hickey having instantly healed due to her perfect skin. If it didn't then Mikan could have healed it in an hour because she's very good with skin, but also she could have rocked it and turned it into a trend, anyway. Oh, she should totally do that! And also she should totally cancel the whole Ultimate Despair plan as soon as possible and minimise the damage, because now that her alternate selves had spoiled the ending she agreed that it was kind of anticlimactic and there were probably way more fun ways to die than being crushed by a dumb rock given the world was mostly going to end _anyway_. It was mildly concerning that their idea of what Ultimate Despair consisted of really, REALLY didn't match up with her personal vision of societal collapse, but _whatevs_. "Fuck it, why not go with their plan? Thirteen heads are better than one, after all. This'll be _fun_! Besides, I could do with some beauty sleep."

She sends out a DM to Mukuro, who's going to have a _lot_ of work to do cleaning up her mess, which is all she was ever really good for. Well, that's a lie, but still. _Urgh_. Maybe later she'll talk to some other people, cancel all of her long-term plans, have sushi for dinner? Breaking this to her sister was definitely going to be rough, but she used her phone to record the other Junkos' messages, so she should be slightly less skeptical albeit extremely pissed. After that she needs to think about how to end all of whatever the gross old pervs in the Steering Committee are trying. Decide who gets to live, who gets to die, who gets a free vacation and who gets to die in a much more personal manner for their sins. Fuck up the Future Foundation. Might as well do a little fun shopping, make some friends, ride in some limos for a few months, sabotage and kill some enemies and _then_ put herself in the coma. Photoshoot with Sayaka? Hmm...

"Mukuro's going on guard duty again, not that she's good for much else, _buuut_ I should probably be a _little_ nicer to her for when the time comes. Why am I treating Mukuro like this, anyway? Oh well, probably not worth thinking about if I can't quite figure it out right away. Who else do I have to... Oh, my _Mikan_! I have to get her to do all the, like, actual coma stuff and let her in on all the hot gossip. She's kind of the important one of us if I'm calculating right, which is funny when you think about it. Sort of an irony thing going on there. Damn, this is like fast-forwarding through all of the filler and skipping straight to the good stuff IRL." She does a perfect cartwheel in the street. _This_ wasn't a boring day at all!  
  
"You know what? Mikan's a good girl, let's let our cute lil' ragdoll do whatever she wants as long as she doesn't leave any marks. I like her, she deserves a break, she's always been cutie pie. I'll bring her some little pastries later, dress her up in a bumblebee outfit and then really _rub in the truth about what Mikan Tsumiki's place in our little Hope's Peak Hierarchy is._ Not that she'll be able to understand it, but it's for her own good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Yasuhiro Hagakure is the Ultimate Boyfriend Who's Way Below Her Level.**  
>  And that's how it all started. Not a lot else to say here! This is the first chapter in my first attempt at writing fanfiction with an, and I cannot emphasise this enough, almost entirely improvised story based around exactly _one_ joke that happens right at the end. Let me know if you like it and I might write more!  
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):**  
>  _Wow, we're nearly at the end of the warm-up stage. There might not be that many ways to pad this out left, apart from some supplementary documents and a little group-chat. It's the night before they're going to try getting a signal out and everyone's huddling under the blankets and trying to tell themselves everything's going to be alright. Mahiru Koizumi wonders if she'll have to wait until the game actually starts to become a or possibly the major protagonist, which she totally will, despite her story being delayed for a good 13 chapters at this point._


	16. While the Good Times Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### 
> 
> Kyoko and Fuyuhiko discuss tie knots. Kaito discusses Atlantis.  
>  Miu discusses class issues. Tsumugi doesn't discuss drug addiction.
> 
> _"Listen here, Maki Roll. I know Kokichi may be a liar, he might be annoying, he's definitely a bully and he's constantly creeping on Shuichi, but what you have to understand is that deep down inside..._
> 
>   
> _...he's also really short, so Nekomaru says Akane's not allowed to be the one who beats him up any more. That's why you have to step up and take responsibility for kicking his ass when he starts messing around. It's OK, you're my sidekick and your friends have all got your back. We were actually discussing this last night and Tenko suggested that some sort of a kick to the liver might be the best place to start? Just one, so he gets the message. Anyway, the point is that I believe in you, Maki Roll"._  
>  **-Kaito Momota**  
>  _"...ok?"_  
>  **-Maki Harukawa**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Miu uses some language. Ibuki uses some drugs.**
> 
>   
> The two big, serious chapters are going to take a while because I have some big ol' projects to finish, but in the meantime here's some little short ones, including one of those internet chats everyone loves so much. In the next chapter Sayaka has a big, long talk with Kirumi and gives her some advice. Questions, comments and crime are always appreciated and encourage. Remember to save regularly!

#  **While the Good Times Last**

###  **Surviving Students: 19**

###  **> ALL BUSINESS  
**

**S. SAIHARA:** I'm just drinking my morning coffee.  
 **K. KIRIGIRI:** All black, like usual?  
 **S. SAIHARA:** It's part of my daily routine.  
 **R. HOSHI:** I would imagine that that would help getting your brain moving for a morning investigation.  
 **K. KIRIGIRI:** I will concur that it does.  
 **K. B0:** Sounds logical.  
 **F. KUZURYU:** Just pressed my some of my shirts.  
 **K. ISHIMARU [MOD]:** I am personally very fond of a freshly laundered and pressed shirt.  
 **B. TOGAMI:** I will agree with this, but I am forced to admit that it feels somewhat strange for someone other than Kirumi take care of it.  
 **C. LUDENBERG:** May I inquire as to how Kirumi is feeling, now?   
**K. KIRIGIRI:** Is Peko not pressing your shirts any more, Fuyuhiko?  
 **M. TSUMIKI:** Kirumi is feeling slightly healthier today and has informed me that I am allowed to tell you that she will soon be resume her activities as The Ultimate Maid, albeit on a self-directed basis.   
**P. PEKOYAMA:** I have taught him to press his own shirts. On a similar topic, I have noticed that Toko seems to have switched to a neatly rolled sleeves and suspenders look, albeit the shirts are rather crumpled.  
 **G. GOKUHARA:** Toko's shirts are linen, acceptable to crumple.  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** I see. I did not know that. I acquired a new polo shirt from Tsumugi the other day, which I have become rather fond of now that I am used to the feeling of the pique fabric on my skin.  
 **S. OGAMI:** It looks good on you, like a classic tennis player.  
 **S. NEVERMIND:** Mint green matches your complexion very well.  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** Thank you. I am thinking of asking her to sew me another one.  
 **T. HANAMURA:** Good morning. How are we all doing today? I am looking for feedback on what I should cook us all for lunch.  
 **M. TSUMIKI:** ~~I was thinking that some sushi would be nice :)~~ **[ELIMINATED]  
A. EGO [BOT]: _M. TSUMIKI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. 18/48 STUDENTS REMAIN_**  
 **C. FUJISAKI [ADMIN]:** Sushi would be very good. We haven't had sushi for a while. **  
M. IKUSABA:** I'm going to be cleaning and polishing my guns soon.  
 **M. HARUKAWA:** May I see those guns? **  
T. HANAMURA:** ~~May I see those guns?~~ **[ELIMINATED]**  
 **A. EGO [BOT]: _T. HANAMURA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. 17/48 STUDENTS REMAIN_  
** **S. NEVERMIND:** Point of order, would someone be able to explain the reason why the student most recently eliminated's statement counted as a protocol violation when Maki's did not?  
 **K. ISHIMARU [MOD]:** Implicit innuendo. Violation sustained.  
 **M. IKUSABA:** Maki, you are more than welcome to come to my lab and examine the guns. There are some revolvers and a grenade launcher.  
 **M. HARUKAWA:** Those sound very nice, I can't wait to see them.   
**MONODAM:** GOOD-MORNING-EVERYONE. HOW-ARE-WE-ALL-GETTING-ALONG-TODAY?   
**B. TOGAMI:** Ah, good morning, Monodam. About as well as can be expected. Why do you ask? **  
MONODAM:** WE-HAVE-RECENTLY-UPDATED-THE-NEO-WORLD PROGRAM. I-WANTED-TO-LET-EVERYONE-KNOW-THAT-THEY-ARE-WELCOME-TO-EXPLORE-IT'S-NEW-FUN-GAMES...AS-WELL-AS-THANK-CHIHIRO-AND-ALTER-EGO-FOR-ALL-THEIR-HELP.   
**C. FUJISAKI [ADMIN]:** You're very welcome, Monodam.  
 **R. AMAMI:** Monodam, are there any secrets hidden inside the Neo World Program? If it's OK for me to ask you that.  
 **MONODAM:** IT-IS-FINE. THERE-ARE-NO-SECRETS-OR-MOTIVES-INSIDE-THE-NEO-WORLD-PROGRAM-AS-OF-YET. INSTEAD-WE-HAVE-INSTALLED-VIRTUAL-FISHING-TO-GO-ALONG-WITH-VIRTUAL-BIRD-WATCHING.  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** I will admit that I quite enjoyed virtual bird watching, thank you for putting it in.  
 **MONODAM** : ~~YOU-ARE-WELCOME...YOU BASTARDS~~ **[ELIMINATED]  
A. EGO [BOT]: _MONODAM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. 0/5 MONOKUBS REMAIN  
_ K. ISHIMARU [MOD]:** I'm heading to my office and thinking of sorting through some paperwork. ** _  
_C. LUDENBERG:** Peko, may I inquire as to what birds you saw while virtual bird watching?  
 **P. PEKOYAMA:** I saw a road runner, a black swan, a hummingbird, a crane and three different kinds of duck. I must admit that the names of the different ducks escape me for now.  
 **S. SAIHARA:** That sounds very fun, I might have to try both it and virtual fishing later today.  
 **K. B0:** I have never been in a boat before. Perhaps this shall be enjoyable for me as well.  
 **B. TOGAMI:** I am making myself a cup of tea.  
 **S. OGAMI:** A cup of tea would be very soothing right around now.  
 **C. FUJISAKI [ADMIN]:** K1-B0, do you have any spare MI-USB cables?  
 **K. B0:** No, I regret that I do not. I shall have to ask her later.  
 **K. KIRIGIRI:** I am thinking of getting my hair trimmed later today.  
 **G. GOKUHARA:** Gonta has also been considering haircut, or possibly ponytail. **  
F. KUZURYU:** A ponytail would be very business appropriate, if you are aiming for a "Toko Fukawa" look.  
 **R. HOSHI:** That's a solid choice.

* * *

_Maki Harukawa took the kids to a "gun, crossbows and throwing knife" museum when she was the Ultimate Child Caregiver, which is a simple and easy to understand explanation as to why she appreciates a well-cleaned grenade launcher in a somewhat business-like manner._

* * *

###  **Momota Explains it All**

Kaito Momota sighs and walks up to the futuristic digital whiteboard, which they've set to an all-white background and are just drawing on with regular markers. "So you're absolutely _sure_ I can cross 'Hypnosis by Angie' off our list?"

Rantaro looks at Mondo and Chihiro, who shrug. Korekiyo hesitates for a moment, before raising his hand. "I would leave it on there, for now. I trust Angie, but I still think the hypnosis angle in general could use more examination." There's the noise of a chair scraping in the corner, but it's just Ibuki doing Ibuki stuff.

"Ibuki's gotta go powder her nose and then head to the bathroom, wink at the camera ;3" The musician skips out of the classroom, down to the girls' bathroom on the first floor where she has an important date.

Mondo looks baffled. "Wait, what's that a code-word for? I thought the first one meant she was going to head to the bathroom and I know the third part's just sort of something she says, but what about the second bit? Isn't that, like, redundant?"

Himiko slumps further into her chair. "It means she's going to go to the bathroom, then she's going to do some cocaine, _then_ she's going to pee." There's a fourth step involving a secret passage and the order was wrong, but Himiko had the gist of it.

Rantaro lets out a frustrated sigh. "Maybe leave Angie Hypnosis on there for now. Let's go over the stuff we're pretty sure we do know about whatever's going on. Kaito, hit me." Kaito's good at giving speeches, which is presumably a thing they train astronauts for. 

"Alright, so we're in this school, which may or may not be designed to run some kind of killing game. This school has been buried deep underground to survive whatever happened outside. The school looks like it wasn't finished in time, because it wasn't and Hope's Peak ran out of money because of some other bullshit. But part of this is because it's also probably made up of bits from other versions of Hope's Peak and other schools which _were_ used to run smaller killing games. These schools probably come from other timelines _or_ parallel universes, which are different from other timelines. There may be the active transference of information across these timelines but it's not what's happening now because this academy is currently in a cut-off state similar to a sort of Schrodinger's Cat situation where anything could be happening outside yet and we are the same to them. Kazuichi's been excavating a bunch of these old rooms, which were buried underground, and now the academy looks more like an ant farm shape wise than anything else. That's why the layout's all messed up. Whatever the reason, we're all here and we got some crazy nightmares from other timelines. Does that make sense to everyone thus far?"

The room grunts in approval. They're not really taking this as seriously as they probably should, but they've been here for months now and want to finish this up before they go back to their rooms and start making out with each other now that Monokuma's confirmed via a nervous Mikan PA announcement that there are, in fact, _"Um...how should I put this, hmmm... n-no STDs and you p-probably can't get p-pregnant due to fluoride in the drinking water"._

"OK, here's the important part: Monokuma insists there isn't going to be a killing game, but everything we've seen so far indicates that somebody's going to try and start one, which we obviously don't want to happen. We don't know all the rules of this game, but we think from the fact that he had those trial rooms set up that it may follow a similar ruleset to the ones we ran during the murder mystery nights Mahiru started doing because she wanted to prove Kyoko's better than Shuichi."  
  
"They probably will be, if they happen" Himiko says it, so it's probably true. She's usually good with this kind of thing.

"OK, so according to some speculation Monokuma and the other, worse Monokumas have actually been acting as benevolently as they're able to and trying to delay the killing game for as long as they can to keep all of us alive. However, we may or may not expect this to change when and if a game starts, because they are fundamentally designed to run killing games. That's their job. Someone here, and _I'm not going to say who I think it is even though we all probably know_ , has been trying to kill people to start the killing game off because they _assume_ that's how it works and they're an _asshole_. There's a bunch of other violent and deadly shit happening around here too. Anyway, judging from all those weird nightmares and stuff that made everyone try to kill each other which, by the way, I would like to thank Kiyo from stopping."

Korekiyo Shinguji chuckles and looms menacingly, as he does. Kind of like a vampire. "You're very welcome."  
  
"Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I don't know how he did that and you'll probably have to ask Rantaro. But the point is, there's a bunch of weird outside forces that are probably, like, metaphysical or somewhat supernatural in a way that doesn't mean they're ghosts or mummies. They've been sending us memories from other timelines, making us paranoid and we were trying to kill each other unconsciously for a while. Some of us remember dying, a lot of us remember Chiaki dying in some really messed up ways, so we really have to nip that in the bud by remembering _not to murder her._ Anyway, this weird feeling of dread we have is making everyone nervous that something really bad's going to happen with The Monokubs finish working on whatever device they have that's going to send a signal to the outside world in a few nights. But it won't, because I believe we can all get through this. _Is that all?"_

**-BAM!-**

Tenko suddenly bursts through the door with a loud crash. Her leg looks good as new now. From the way she's sweating it seems she's run all the way here. "I spoke to Angie, she says she's _not_ hypnotizing _anyone_ right now and I believe her! She also says we're _not_ in Atlantis, which I don't think anyone here really considered yet, so you can put that on the list. Oh, Kaito, she _also_ says Maki is still your girlfriend, she just needs some alone time tonight!"

Rantaro Amami exhales in relief. "Kaito, could you add _Atlantis_ to the list and then cross that one off as well?"

He does, grumbling because he didn't even _say_ anything about Maki yet. "Alright, but I'm only crossing _'by Angie'_ off the hypnosis entry".

"Wouldn't Atlantis already count as being underwater?" Gee, thanks Chihiro.  
  
"No, because when you're in Atlantis it feels like everything's normal as long as you stay inside the city, I'm pretty sure. When me and Soda worked out the pressure levels they matched up to us being underground far more than being underwater. Seriously, you guys should all know this stuff. It's not rocket science, _which I also know!"_ Kaito doesn't get to bring that up very often.

"But if the pressure _isn't_ like being underwater then wouldn't that point to this place _being_ Atlantis?" The room explodes in a chaotic argument, students shouting everywhere. This sort of thing is why you need Monokuma to run a class trial.  
  
 _"Yes, but Angie just said it isn't."_  
  
"How would she know so much about Atlantis?"

_"Wait, is Angie from Atlantis? I know Kirumi already said she's not a vampire, but that doesn't mean she isn't from Atlantis."_

"Kirumi specified _Kiyo_ wasn't a vampire, but _not_ Angie!"

"I'm not a vampire and and Angie isn't from Atlantis."  
  
"How do you know so much about Atlantis, Kiyo?"  
  
"I don't know about Atlantis, but I know _all_ about the island where Angie's from. _They_ aren't vampires either."

"Kiyo, are _you_ the mastermind? How come you didn't reveal this until now?"  
  
 _"Because I don't want Angie to know that I've been there...."_

_**The discussion continued like this for another three hours...it's not Atlantis.**_

* * *

  * **~~WE ARE IN SPACE~~**
  * **~~ELABORATE PRANK FROM REST OF ACADEMY (STILL ALIVE)~~**
  * **~~TAX FRAUD~~**
  * ~~**WE ARE IN ANIME**~~
  * ~~**WE ARE IN SPAIN**~~
  * ~~**KOKICHI'S BULLSHIT**~~
  * ~~**GAME SHOW**~~
  * ~~**SHARED PAINT FUME HALLUCINATIONS ("THE MIODA HYPOTHESIS")**~~ rantaro/hiro have confirmed you can't share these
  * **~~VIRTUAL WORLD~~ **(we have one of these, _this_ isn't it!)
  * ~~**INSIDE A VIDEO GAME (DIFFERENT THAN VIRTUAL WORLD)**~~
  * **OTHER TIMELINES <-** might be interfering, _not_ directly interacting. i'm an astronaut, i can tell!!
  * ~~**SECRET GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT**~~
  * **MAGIC "IN GENERAL"**
  * **HYPNOSIS ~~BY ANGIE~~**
  * **~~RELIGION (ORGANISED)~~** <\- TAX FRAUD. ALL OF IT. AND WE'VE RULED TAX FRAUD OUT.
  * ~~**WE ARE INSIDE JUNKO'S SEXY COMA FANTASIES**~~ ** <-** in that case _we_ wouldn't be here
  * **KILLING GAME IS DESTINED TO OCCUR IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER** <\- worryingly likely
  * ~~**MIU IRUMA**~~ <\- kaede says it's not miu. ~~what if she's lying though?~~ it's not kaede or miu
  * ~~**TIME LOOP, OTHER FORMS OF TIME TRAVEL**~~ <\- not possible
  * ~~**IT ONLY SEEMS LIKE WE'RE UNDERGROUND BUT WE'RE ACTUALLY...UNDERWATER!**~~ <\- the physics are wrong and Kazuichi agrees with me!
  * **PARRALEL UNIVERSES** <\- we know there's some of this going on
  * ~~**"IMPORTANT LESSON" FROM MONOKUMA RE: IMPORTANCE OF NOT HAVING KILLING GAMES**~~
  * **~~GHOSTS,~~ GOBLINS, ~~VAMPIRES~~ ETC. **(ghosts aren't real, kirumi said kiyo isn't a vampire and also he agrees that he's not.) ~~~~
  * ~~**ATLANTIS**~~  
 ~~~~



* * *

###  **The Quim's Speech**

There was a raging storm outside. It wasn't a real storm and the windows were just digital screens behind frames made to look like windows, even in the areas made to simulate outdoor areas and the sky. Kazuichi had done a good job helping Monokuma simulate the effects of weather outside, though. There were even tiny drops of "rain" that made it seem like there was a leak somewhere in the ceiling, but not one you had to worry about yet. The signal went out tomorrow and Kaede was terrified, because nobody knew what was going to happen and even if nothing happened in here the state of the outside world was completely unknown to them. Her sister might be dead. Everyone else might be dead. She confided her fears in Miu, despite knowing better on paper than to do that.

Miu called her a "scaredy-cunt" and, because she felt so fucking sorry for how pathetic she was, ever so generously decided to let her _push through my slit and come inside_ of the amazing new blanket fort the gorgeous girl genius had invented inside of the Ultimate Pianist's research lab. There were a couple more innuendos than those, but those two were the best ones. In other words what had happened is she draped a bunch of sheets over the concert grand piano and daisy chained a couple of little light fixtures together using some MI-USBs cables. Kaede used to do the same thing when she was a kid, except the piano was a little smaller and so were she and her sister.  
  
Miu wasn't making eye contact and just stared at the screen of her handbook, typing away. Nevertheless, she was doing her best to give Kaede an honest-to-god pep talk. Maybe she thought focusing on two things at once would lessen the anxiety of trying to talk about this stuff?

"...so you're still feeling scared, huh?"  
  
"Of course! I'm terrified. Are you not? Everyone knows that something's going to happen tomorrow, and in the best case scenario-

"SHUT YER TRAP! Being scared is _good_ , it means you're not a fucking _moron_. It's _alright_ to be fucking terrified, the important thing is what you do about it. I, for one, plan on simply not dying and using my genius inventor skills to do so. Bitch, I know you're going to try and be a self-sacrificing leader, even though there's about ten other fuckfaces who're probably going to do the same thing. You're going to try and band everyone together to save everyone from everything even if it puts a target on your back and costs you your own life, and _that's_ probably why what you saw in that dream happened."  
  
"I-I know, but are you saying _I shouldn't do that,_ then? If we don't _all try and stop this_ then-"  
  
"NO! I'm NOT saying you shouldn't do that and I know I can't stop you. That's why I'm not gonna fucking try. I...I really, really just want to stay alive and I know that the more I get out there and get involved the sooner either I'm going to crack under the pressure or someone's going to kill me because _I've got an even bigger target on my back than you_. You guys _know_ I have learning difficulties for stuff that's not making gadgets, but...I know enough to admit that I am a coward and sometimes _I don't think there's anything wrong with that_. If _you_ want to be the protagonist of this crazy story then... all I can do is back you up from my little corner, hole up and try not to let the paranoia get to me.

But...if you ever get too scared and you don't want to be the leader, even for a little bit just let me know and you come hide in the corner with me for as long as you want. There might just be room for two of us. I'll, snff, invent you an even better fucking blanket fort than this one. One that can keep us s-safe from anything. W-we can huddle together in the dark where nobody can see us, nobody can find us, nobody can hurt us and _we'll be cowards together_...i-is that OK?" 

Kaede doesn't really know what to say, but she can feel herself tearing up "Miu, thank you so much, that's-" The inventor turns around and holds up the screen, which had pretty much everything she's said over the last ten minutes written in advance. She looks pleased. _Never mind then._

"...anyway, that was the speech I had Sayaka help me ~~write~~ invent! I thought that last part was pretty fucking snazzy. I think around here I was also going to say something about Sayaka and how I think one of the problems with this place is how whatever happening here's making us fall into cycles with regards to how we treat each other, but you get the gist of it. Anyway, you wanna hear the speech _I_ wrote?" The other shoe drops.

"Kaede, do you remember those conversations we had about how you're so fucking _rich_?" Ah. Kaede's been the subject of _this_ lecture from Miu (and also _Maki_ ) more than once, and she's learned it's best to just play along with it and not give more than a token amount of pushback to keep it moving along as quickly as possible

"Miu, is this important _now_? Tomorrow we might-"  
  
"It _is_ important to _me_. Kaede, whenever you and your sister went on tour and _flew on planes_ , did you ever have to sleep in the same bed in the _hotels_ you stayed at?"  
  
"...no, Miu, we had separate rooms."

"Wow, that sounds _pretty fucking fancy_! How classy _were_ these hotels? Were they the pricey ones where you have to _let them know you're coming_ or give them your _real name_ when you checked in _."  
_  
"...no, Miu. I wouldn't know because I didn't handle the hotel booking and when I got there the concierge always already knew who we were so I didn't have to check in like a regular person who has ever experienced hardship in her life, like you and Maki."

"That's the richest fucking thing I've ever heard, and _I don't even know what a concierge is._ I can't remember any vacations where I didn't have to sleep in the back seat of our car at some point, which is _FINE_ by the way, because you're not supposed to do that and you get to hear all of the cool bugs outside."

"I'm sorry I had the misfortune to grow up comfortable, but that doesn't mean I-"  
  
"Don't be sorry, ya dumb bitch! It doesn't even _matter_ if money's not a thing any more. The important thing is that _I_ grew up hot and smart despite all that, invented a bunch of _cool shit_ , proved I'm _not_ a failure, made it to _Hope's Peak Fucking Academy_ and you know what? _Now_ I've nabbed me a _lush_ fucking _PIANO DITZ_ and got _unlimited hole access_ to someone from a _good family_ with fucking _name brand recognition_. I don't know _which_ one of us is the _blonde TROPHY WIFE_ but as far as _I'm_ concerned I've already fucking _won_ this game and I'M NOT GIVING UP MY PRIZE FOR ANYTHING, MOTHERF _-owwwwwww! K-Kaede..._ " she hit her head on the piano's rafters and started crying, but that one was also a good little speech while it lasted.

* * *

###  **Reconciliation For a Fight That Never Happened**

Tsumugi Shirogane sits alone behind the bar counter of her ~~former secret mastermind's room~~ **unopened nightclub** , crying her eyes out like she's done pretty much every night for the last couple of months. She knows what's coming. Suddenly there's the telltale "thunk" of someone coming in from the direction of the girls' bathroom entrance. _Time to put on your game face, Tsumugi. If it's not Kazuichi then you've-Oh. It's HER._ She wipes her tears away and tries to smile.

"Snrffff, Hello Ibuki."  
  
"Tsumugi, love what you've done here! Ultimate Bartender, right?"

"Yep, _you got me_. This is kind of, uhh, a ladies' lounge? Would you like something to drink?" _Oh well, so at least we're on the same page. She knows I know, I know she knows. I guess neither of us can talk about it directly._

"Nope, we've got a pretty big week coming up, so Ibuki's gotta-gotta stay sober and I've already hit my limit!"

"But you're doing _cocaine_!"

"It's the pure stuff, you don't gotta worry!"  
  
"That's not the problem!" _I guess I'm always going to react to everything like me, and so's she. Two peas in a pod._

"So, I hear you've hooked up with Kazuichi! Nice-nice-niiiice..."

Ibuki's voice trails off because she obviously already knows most of what's going on here, so Tsumugi doesn't see any point in hiding it any more. She just puts her face down on the counter and starts sobbing again while Ibuki Mioda gives her a warm hug from behind and tells her that whatever's bothering her (they both know) is probably going to be fine. She doesn't recognise that it's cocaine warmth, but it feels real and non-fictional around her waist so right now she's plain thankful for her silly, depth-free comic relief friend. She forgives her for the whole abusing time travel to do copious amounts of heroin and _probably_ have sex with Gonta thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Maki's version of the lecture was a lot more serious and made Kaede feel very, _very_ ashamed.**
> 
> In a way at least one of those explanations they crossed out was right on the money, and it's not even one of the obvious ones. The implications are very, very bad. Sayaka and Miu had a fun couple of hours workshopping the heartfelt speech and bonded a little over how good they thought the "we'll be cowards together" part was.
> 
> Dang. Just noticed this story has 1,000 hits and 50 kudos. Unfortunately I have _no frame of reference for what any of that means._ Shit, remember tumblr? That website was so fucking fun back in the day before we all left for twitter and took our jokes 3/4 years ago. You could just post any old bullshit that's on your mind and get, like, an easy couple-thousand'ers every other day. I just checked my "activity" bar after that and I've now got 120,000 notes on something I have zero memory of ever typing. I just post shit and forget about it you know.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _Sayaka's chapter and ~~Mahiru's chapter~~ *, which might also be the start of the killing game. It turns out Sayaka had a lot of feelings that aren't just "really interested in whatever you're doing and ready to help you out because we're good friends." She also feels sad because you don't believe her when she says that._
> 
> * _This was going to be chapter three. Let's just wait until the killing game for that punchline. ___


	17. Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Right now? You are on the threshold of an _amazing adventure._
> 
>   
>  **  
> _Showtime._  
>  **   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _Note: The original version of this chapter ("The Punchline") was revised and merged into Chapter 18, due to circumstances and it not being up to standards. This new Chapter 17 has been erected in it's place along with the rest of the fic being reupholstered before we post Chapter 19. Thank you for understanding._   
>    
>    
> 

Rise and Shine, ursine-!

###  **/Rise and Shine, Ursine!\ Chapter 17**

####  Level ~~53~~

****

**M** _o_ no **d** _am_

**A-LOT OF-PEOPLE-ASK-ME-WHY-THERE-AREN'T-MORE-FANFICTIONS-FEATURING-THE-MONOKUBS.  
** **IF-YOU-THINK-IT-IS-BECAUSE-WE-ARE-NOT-POPULAR...YOU-ARE-WRONG.**

**BUT-THAT-IS-OK... WE-ARE-ALL-FRIENDS. FRIENDS-FORGIVE-EACH-OTHER-WHEN-THEY-ARE-WRONG.**

**  
****THERE-IS-A-SEPARATE-WEBSITE-ONLY-FOR-MONOKUB-STORIES...IT-IS-INVITE-ONLY-UNLESS-YOU-ARE-A-MONOKUB.  
  
** **WHEN-ONE-OF-THEM-IS-UPLOADED-HERE-WE-CHANGE-THE-TAG-TO-SAY-THIS:  
** "[Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi]" **.** **THIS-IS-A-SECRET-CODE-PHRASE-FOR-"WE-LOVE-THE-MONOKUBS".  
  
THAT-IS-WHY-PUTTING-IT-ON-YOUR-STORY-GETS-YOU-INSTANT-KUDOS** **,  
EVEN-THOUGH-NOBODY-LIKES-THAT-PAIRING. HA-HA-HA...**

* * *

So Long! Bear Well!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen...I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say we love the funny Monokubs.
> 
>   
> **There was another "next chapter description here". Now that chapter is real and this chapter has become a falsehood. Makes you think...**  
>  Some stuff hit me like a ton of bricks over the last week so I deleted, like, three chapters that were basically done. This story is almost entirely improvised chapter to chapter and I _deliberately_ went in without a long-term game plan, so I _really_ have no idea where it's going now (apart from a single joke at the very end of the entire tale, if it ever reaches there). That was the challenge I set for myself. If you have a good idea let me know. If there's anybody you want to see more of let me know, with one exception. If there's someone you want to get murdered, fuck it, the least I can do is make them lose a couple of fingers or whatever.
> 
> Stuff's just weird right now, you know? I'm not in a great place. 
> 
> **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S)** :
> 
> We get to see some fun motive videos! _All of them._ As you can imagine, some students may be fairly upset with what is revealed. Rantaro Amami will not be a popular boy once this is all over and done with. He's extremely canceled. Also, Miu and Kaede did a "marriage speed-run" off screen. They're married now, but what's Kaede's twin sister got to say about this? And what's _her_ name anyway? The answer will shock and appall you.


	18. Good News!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### The Ultimates receive some good news from the outside world and react accordingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **There's no upsetting content to worry about, here! On the other hand this chapter may not be _mobile friendly_ , due to a couple of little experimental things I'm trying. Let me know if there's a problem with it and I'll see what I can do.**
> 
> This chapter makes the old Chapter 17 obsolete, so when I update/fix all of the previous chapters in a few days Chapter 17 will be replaced with something _completely new_ , because I also don't want to delete anyone's nice comments. Maybe one of those "chat fics" people seem to like.
> 
> As always, feel free to yell at me if you have any issues with your plumbing or notice any egregious typos. Remember to save regularly!

# We have some good news...

The camera probe goes out first thing in the morning and the distress signal is broadcast. 

The first thing they discovered about the state of the Outside World is that there is still, in fact, an outside world, with what could (in theory) be breathable oxygen. So that's good. The _people_ are all dead, of course, and the city's a collapsed wasteland as far as the eye can see, but oxygen's a good start. There are even a couple of _birds_ in the sky, albeit ones that don't look too healthy and even some kind of... weird mutated dogs roaming around? So life's still possible, kind of! On the other hand they look kind of... irradiated, which isn't ideal.

Ooof, yeah, you can see the rubble of the building next door where all the other classes were being kept. I guess they really didn't make it underground in time.

Kaito examines the environmental scans, because the camera probe is basically the same thing as a space probe and this is his whole deal. Atmospheres, pressures, toxic gas and so forth are one of the only areas where he gets to be the smart. "Well... this is _kind_ of concerning. There's a bunch of radiation, weird sorts of ash, all sorts of carcinogens out there that we really, really shouldn't be breathing. This 'disease scanner' Miu built, congratulations by the way, is also detecting some sorta pathogens I'm a little worried about. BUT... the good news is that the atmosphere should be clean enough for us to safely step outside in, like...four years? Maybe three? The world... _mostly_ hasn't ended!"

Apart the billions of people for who it did.

There's mourning, but there's also no immediate shock because everyone was kind of expecting this. They all knew it was the most likely result. There's a small feeling of relief in that they won't be trapped underground like this _forever_ , but it's a faint one. It's only now that the finality of all the deaths outside really, _really_ set in, along with the knowledge that this Academy might be the only real place they have left. Like the moment after a funeral when it sets in that the person you love is really over and done with.

The distress signal continually beams out, but there's no immediate response from anywhere else and everyone realises that it was retroactively pretty silly to expect an instant answer, like a phone call. Even though some of the collapsed building shells are vaguely recognisable from what stood there before it's extremely clear that no other human life exists in the wider area and that hundreds of metres underground was the only remotely safe place to be during whatever went down.

Kazuichi had already had The Monokubs bring some couches into the gym, so everyone just sort of congregates in the gym, congratulates the happy couple (along with Taka, for the success of his first piece of Hope's Peak Legislation to be put into action with the marriage) while watching the probe scan the endless rubble. They drink and make polite conversation, while watching images of what used to be the place they lived in.

Maybe all the grim premonitions everyone had been feeling had been leading up to this and all the talk of a "killing game" had been one big red herring. Monokuma's keeping his hairy lips shut, of course. The feeling of anxiousness eases off a little, but not entirely. Now there's a fog of despondency mixed in.

A couple of hours later, when a few people have wandered off to do whatever it is they need to do there's a crackling sound, followed by a _message over the speaker system._ Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, _people might be alive out there._

* * *

**"...HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY, THIS IS FUTURE FOUNDATION HEADQUARTERS. WE HAVE RECIEVED YOUR SIGNAL. COME IN, HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY. I REPEAT, WE HAVE RECIEVED YOUR SIGNAL..."**

* * *

Once they eventually manage to get the video signal connected they are faced with a man on the screen, standing in front of what looks to be have once been an extremely well-furnished military planning room, now covered with stacks of paper and strange technological equipment. The man on the screen has a strong jaw and looks to be in his mid-60s, wearing a lapel pin on his suit and a military beret with an insignia nobody can place. There are more junior looking...employees from whoever he represents milling around frantically in the background. The same insignia is everywhere. He keeps his hat on and taps the screen to make sure whatever camera he's looking into is recording, before facing directly into it. Everyone can tell he wasn't expecting to speak to them until a few minutes ago and his speech seems hastily improvised.

Chihiro tells everyone to quiet down, even though the video's being relayed into their handbooks as well. Apparently they can't find a way to establish simultaneous two-way communications, although back and forth signals may be possible. Whatever communication system they're using seems highly outdated compared to the technology they can see operating behind the spokesman, but it makes sense considering that it was designed for durability in cases like this or nuclear war, as opposed to Zoom meetings.

* * *

_"Hope's Peak Academy...thank God! We've been monitoring all the channels for months awaiting your signal... and, well...there simply aren't that many places where human civilization remains intact outside of our HQ City. I apologize if this message seems somewhat unorganized, this is very sudden and we didn't expect you all to still...well, anyway. We'll get to that when the time comes. I represent the Future Foundation, a group that was...formed by Hope's Peak Academy alumni over the last three decades. In the time since the disasters we have merged and taken over the functions of our national government's remnants._

_Our purpose is to rebuild the world and ensure the survival of humanity. Our predecessor organization foresaw that one day a catastrophe of this nature may occur, and since before you were born we have dedicated countless money and effort into constructing this fully self-sustaining luxury bunker city of the future. We call it HQ City, but a proposal to name it Hope's Peak City after the hope for the future you all represent has been seriously considered. We managed to evacuate nearly two and a half million citizens to this location which, I am sad to say, now believe represents well over 25% of our nation's surviving population. Among these numbers are nearly all our country's best and brightest...including as many of your loved ones as we could rescue in time._

_Purely by virtue of being Hope's Peak Students you have secured their survival for the immediate future, including access to cutting-edge medical technology and what would be called the most luxurious 5-star accommodation if there were still hotels out there. Sadly not everyone was able to make it, and there a number still missing, but you should still all feel so proud for providing them with the best chance of survival as possible even if they weren't able to get here in the end. You did a great job. For those of those who did not receive a message, do not give up hope. There is still life out there and there are other existing population centers apart from ours, although we are unaware of how long they will last given the current state of the world. There is a faint chance they may still, as of yet, be out there. They're related to you, after all._

_Although two-way video communication isn't something we've been able to restore yet due to the...uniqueness of our situation we will be forwarding you some short video messages from those of your loved ones we were able to retrieve towards the students in question. We would highly encourage you to record a short video response, letting them know how alive and well you are. You should receive them on your handbooks within the next couple of minutes, along with instructions on how to film and send your response. We'll be collating your messages in ninety minutes, which should also give me enough time to consult my other foundation officers on the second half of this message. Once again, I apologize for the informality of this video, but...as you can imagine, this is as emotional for us as it is for you. I'll leave you alone to watch them before returning with more information in an hour and a half._

_Hope's Peak...it's good to see you're all still alive."_

* * *

The message ends. Some students get video messages and others didn't, some of whom were expecting this and some who weren't. There's enough emotion filling the room from seeing everyone again that most (but not all) of the students forget about the apprehension they felt when they heard that there will be a second half of the message. It's probably nothing.

 **Toko Fukawa** wasn't surprised she didn't get a message and decides she'll talk to her pen-pal later so they can process their emotions about this together. She also still isn't really 100% comfortable with the whole "body contact" thing and **Sayaka Maizono** seems sadder on her behalf than she actually is, but the intention behind the hug is appreciated nevertheless. Sayaka got messages from all of her team members, but _they'd_ collected messages and tributes from all her fans who _still remembered her and they still love her_. **Ibuki Mioda** taps her on the shoulder and asks if she wants to blast out a rough take of the quick hits they'd been working on, like she already knew what Sayaka was going to suggest it. Ibuki already knows what she's going to say in her video, and as they walk towards Sayaka's research lab she's already putting hair down. Her parents will be overjoyed that their baby girl has finally cleaned up her act and (once again) accepted God's love in her own unique way.

 **Kyoko Kirigiri** didn't receive any video, but she was prepared for that. "Kyoko!" _Nevertheless, the contents of these messages could contain some important clues towards-"_ KYOKO! KYOKO!" _Is that Kaede? She sounds excited._ Kyoko hurries towards the sound of the pianist's voice. _Maybe there was a mix up, it's not entirely implausible that someone I know DID get rescued by the Future Found-_ "Shuichi, look! It's my sister, it's **Kyoko Akamatsu!**" _Oh... well, never mind, then._ The detective keeps her expression blank and then stoically strides off towards the little janitor's closet where she goes to secretly cry whenever people hurt her feelings.

 **Tsumugi Shirogane** , protagonist, didn't get a video, but she'd already reconciled that that would be the case. She'd already lost her parents, and the fact that she _didn't_ care as much that they were dead "for real" now was what really hurt her deep down inside. Tsumugi Shirogane **,** _Mastermind of Danganronpa 53,_ was panicking when she came up with the whole _"Kaede's twin sister"_ plot to stall for time. She thought naming her "Kyoko", like Kyoko Kirigiri would be a nice little callback to misdirect everyone and make them think there was going to be more of a tie-in to the original. Like, maybe Kaede was Kyoko's twin? She, like all Tsumugis, was plainly never a good improviser. 

**Kazuichi Soda** didn't get a video, but...he's doing just fine! He's got all the family he needs right here in his friends, his girlfriend who could _theoretically become any number of better girlfriends_ and The Monokubs. And _they_ got him a condolence beer.

* * *

_**"Miu Iruma** , we're so glad you're alive! And studying at Hope's Peak, of all places! When you disappeared the last time we were so worried that you'd...anyway, the past is the past. We know your father's... busy right now, so I just thought me and the rest of my staff would all send you a quick message in the meantime..."_

* * *

**Maki Harukawa** watches her video over and over again, steeling herself to act just a little bit grumpy like she's supposed to be for them in her response. They've already grown up so fast and they _have their own rooms_ now. **Akane Owari's** siblings are all there too and they're very excited to see the " _coolest girl_ _in the world"_ that all of her kids had been unnecessarily hyping up (there are also some big fans of Sayaka among the girls and Maki knows _Sayaka Maizono_ personally, which makes her even cooler). She tells herself she won't cry because Maki's the one who's there when _they_ cry and not the other way around. She'll almost pull it off. **Kaito Momota** gives her a thumbs up, exuberant in the knowledge that his grandparents are alive and well somehow. The feeling's mutual on his grandparents' behalf.

 **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Gonta Gokuhara** and **Gundham Tanaka** lean back against the wall and nod at each other, agreeing that this is the way of things, some times. Fuyuhiko's family might be alive out there somewhere, they had their own resources and places to escape to, but he hope they're not. He would already have cut his ties now (and taken _Peko with him_ , because he'd do it for _her sake_ ) even if the outside world was as it was. Gonta knows that this is just the natural way of things and Gundham Tanaka is, frankly, quite happy that the outside world has become a desolate hellscape for him to rule over. Hope's Peak has all the genetic information he needs to return to the surface and become the new Noah, as was prophecized in...some kind of prophecy he'll figure out lately and he's not sad about it whatsoever. Hmph. 

**Rantaro Amami** didn't get anything from his parents or sisters, which is a real shame, but he'll be able to deal with it. Perhaps this means he can finally put all the things he didn't do in the past behind him. **Sakura Ogami** didn't get anything either, but she's fine with that. Kenshiro wouldn't die, and she knows he's out there somewhere, training and recovering. **Himiko Yumeno** receives a message from her parents, but not from her master or anyone else from the world of magic. She's OK with that even if it's sad. First of all, they probably could have contacted her beforehand if they weren't already dead. Second of all, she's had a vision of some of what's about to occur and she _really doesn't want to get in trouble._

* * *

_"Hey, personal proctologists! This gorgeous girl genius has probably grown several inches bustier since you last had the chance to fondle me, which I still plan on suing you for. Sorry I didn't tell you I was alive, I'm very busy with more important things than any of you. I've actually got some blueprints here in case you get bored and want to make any of 'em for pocket money. Here's a sunglasses version of the eyedrop contact lenses, those are whatever, and here I've also got a male contraceptive that only works if you slip it into his drink without him knowing like a roofie. Putting a Miu twist on the ol' classic. This one's meant to be an erotic cure for cervical cancer, but I haven't had a chance to test it because nobody here has it and anyway, that's your job and not mine. Now, on a more important topic, I have done the following sex acts with Kaede Akamatsu, the famously rich pianist..."_

* * *

**Hiyoko Saionji's** loudly sobbing in an equally tearful **Mahiru Koizumi's** arms because everyone in her family's _probably_ dead (except her dad), which **Byakuya** **Togami** knows she's probably over the moon about. Not that her response would be different, either way. Mahiru's parents didn't make it and she's inconsolable, but Hiyoko genuinely tries her hardest.

 _If_ Hiyoko's family's _actually_ dead and not in hiding with his then that solves one very big problem for the both of them. Byakuya can't actually be certain, though, because he's confident that the Togami Coporation's finest and all of the important subsidiaries are mostly likely safe within a much smaller, more elegant and luxurious bunker somewhere. _Here's hoping there's nobody with a last name like "Saionji" or "Tojo" in there. Speaking of which._ **Kirumi Tojo** approaches, anxiously scratching her leg. She didn't get anything, but she's absolutely OK with that because even if her _sister_ did live and she's scurried off to whatever _hole_ the fucking Togami family's dug themselves into it's none of _her_ business anyway. She's not even a _real Tojo_ any more, is she?

Mahiru can't see Kyoko anywhere, but Hiyoko manages to track down Sonia and Chiaki to help her mourn while Kirumi joins Kiyo, Byakuya, Celeste and Mukuro in their circle. Kiyo's the first one to whisper his observations, because they don't want to alarm anyone. " _He never actually gave us his name_. Something about this seems _too_ convenient. _Why are they having us film these videos now?_ " Kirumi glances around the room. Several other students don't make eye contact, but are clearly also equally worried, like Sayaka and Shuichi. Some of them are also in groups. **Angie Yonaga** is _talking_ _to_ **_Nagito Komaeda_** (neither of them got anything) and even though they usually _really_ don't get along they both seem very animated and _alert_. 

**Mukuro Ikusaba** watched her video message from Junko and was relieved to hear that her little sister's alive, albeit comatose. It's not a very big surprise because she's gotten the same news from Mikan every day for months and she went to the nurse's office and gave her sister a hug about half an hour before she came back in. She's watched that video along with all the others nearly every day for months. She misses her sister a lot.

* * *

_“Hiro! It’s mom. You having any luck with the ladies out there? I’ve got a steady supply of cigarettes and a bunch of kids to help do stuff for me, so I’m doing just fine. The men here are also very helpful, if you ask them right. Anyway, I think with the collapse of human civilization you won’t have to worry about your little debts any more, which I'm very happy for you about. Oh! Congrats on your lottery winnings. I don't really have a lot to say here, so I’ll talk to you again when I do, hon..._

_...hang on, they just handed me a piece of paper, apparently I get a 'two-for one'. Let's see here..._

_Oh, Mikan! I was just thinking about you the other day, how's it hangin'? Huh, apparently I'm the closest they could find to someone who loves you outside the academy. That's a drag, isn't it? Apparently your parents did actually leave behind this cute little note for you, which they should be showing on the screen around now."_

**HelLo MiKaN.  
  
tHe PITBullS HavE AlL BEen UnLeasHED. TheiR FINAL HuNT ****BEGiNS NOw!  
SinCE WE lEt YOU EsCApE tHey have hAD huNDREdS Of ChiLDREN trainEd  
sOleLY tO RiP oUT mORE OF Your guTS! yOU wilL SpIlL aLl oVER ThE PlaCE  
AGAin!! ****NoT Even** **ThE** **DEATH oF thE WORLd cAN STOp** **THEM FrOm CHeWinG  
** **YoUr** **BonES AlL ovEr One lasT TiME AND seNDIng** **you tO HELL whERe THEy  
** **WilL biTE you MORe** **anD EaT YouR EyES FOReveR WhiLE WE LAUGH, wEAK GIrl.**

_"Anyway, take good care of your skin and remember to stick the needle in just like we practiced on that blonde one you liked. Catch ya round ~"_

* * *

The signal is weak and everyone cheers when they can confirm the response videos eventually get through. The spokesman appears on the screen again, but he looks like he's been sweating. There are a couple of younger looking officials sitting behind him, but they don't look like they're going to say anything. One of them passes him off a sheet of paper, which his eyes scan over and he nods at before facing the camera again and gulping. His look of concern switches to a warm smile again a second later as he prepares to start speaking.

_"Hope's Peak, we have received your signal. I'm sure we'll be able to get two-way discussions rolling at some point in the future, but I'm unable to give you a concrete date on anything at this stage due to the outdated nature of this emergency messaging system. Honestly, it's a miracle we're even able to talk like this at all. There are...a lot of things we wish to talk to you about, but I only have a limited amount of time here due to some restrictions I can't explain due to...well, that limited amount of time and some...other factors. Ahem..._

_I have been instructed to read you this following message regarding the future of both Hope's Peak Academy and possibly all mankind, for which, again you all now represent the hope of. You may be pleased to know that each and every one of you are having statues built of you as we speak. But I digress, in my old age I do tend to go on instead of just getting to the point. I'm sure all the reasoning behind this will be explained to you further in said future, but for now I would heavily advise you to pay very close attention to the following points. I'm sure we will speak again soon.  
  
_ He clears his throat and looks down at the piece of paper, which he reads a list of rules off of before the signal ends. As he does each of the students find the same rules appear on their handbook. Monokuma looks oddly nervous, for some reason.

* * *

  * **ALL REGISTERED STUDENTS ARE REQUIRED TO STAY WITHIN THE GROUNDS OF HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY FOR THE INDEFINITE FUTURE.  
  
**
  * **IF A STUDENT LEAVES THE GROUNDS OF HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY THE KILLING GAME WILL IMMEDIATELY BEGIN UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF THE FUTURE FOUNDATION.  
  
**
  * **IF A STUDENT'S DEATH IS DETECTED WITHIN HOPE'S PEAK ACADEMY THE KILLING GAME WILL BEGIN .  
  
**
  * **THE KILLING GAME MAY ALSO START AT ANY GIVEN TIME INDEPENDENT OF ANY ACTIONS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT TAKE.  
** **  
**
  * **IF YOU ATTEMPT TO ALERT ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THIS ACADEMY OF THE KILLING GAME'S EXISTENCE THEN IMMEDIATE PENALTIES MAY BE ENACTED AT OUR DISCRETION.  
  
**
  * **ANY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE THE EXISTENCE OF A KILLING GAME TO YOUR LOVED ONES VIA YOUR VIDEO MESSAGES WILL BE MET BY THE IMMEDIATE EXECUTION OF BOTH YOUR LOVED ONES AND THOSE OF ANOTHER STUDENT, CHOSEN AT RANDOM. THESE VIDEOS WILL BE HEAVILY ANALYZED BEFORE DISTRIBUTION.  
** **  
**
  * **IF A PARTY FROM OUTSIDE OF THE ACADEMY CONTACTS YOU THEN YOU ARE PERMITTED TO RESPOND. HOWEVER, LAUNCHING COMMUNICATION ATTEMPTS ON YOUR OWN IS NOT PERMITTED.  
  
**
  * **THE RULES AND PARAMETERS OF THIS KILLING GAME HAVE YET TO BE FINALIZED.  
  
**
  * **PENALTIES HAVE YET TO BE FINALISED, BUT MAY INCLUDE OR GO FURTHER THAN DEATH OR THE DEATHS OF YOUR LOVED ONES.  
  
**
  * **IF A STUDENT NAMED IZURU KAMAKURA IS AMONG YOU THEN YOU ARE UNDER ORDERS TO CONTACT US AND RELINQUISH HIM IMMEDIATELY.  
  
**
  * **WE ARE UNABLE TO GIVE YOU ANY ACCURATE NUMBERS REGARDING WHEN YOU WILL BE PERMITTED TO LEAVE. HOWEVER, CURRENT ESTIMATES SIT AT AROUND 8-10 YEARS.  
  
**
  * ****IF THERE IS A CHANGE IN THESE OUTLINED RULES AND CIRCUMSTANCES YOU WILL BE INFORMED.****



* * *

"..."  
  
Silence fills the air for about ten seconds, before **Nekomaru Nidai's** the first one to break the silence. He mirror everyone else's thoughts in his typically eloquent manner.

**_ "Shit." _ **

After _that_ the yelling starts.  
  


Notes: 

**Number of times we've seen one of our protagonists unknowingly make Kyoko run off to cry: twice, so far.**

Kaede's sister's name is _"Kyoko Akamatsu?"_ Truly a shocking twist worthy of The Ultimate Music Producer and cooler twin.

 **NEXT CHAPTER:** _We should have the chapter where they respond to the announcement of the killing game in a month or  
_ _two, once I recover from what I'm going through and get back from my vacation. I'll see you then!_

_Nah, I'm just kidding, you can have it right now._

[Chapter 18-B](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437936/chapters/67362556): Bad news!

Summary: 

####  The Ultimates receive some bad news from the outside world and react accordingly.

Notes: 

**There's no upsetting content here to worry about... _unless you're one of the characters!_**

# ...and We Have Some Bad News.

"Everyone, s-stay calm!" Tenko certainly doesn't _sound_ calm. Miu's already cowering behind Kaede and begging her to make her use of Keebo and Shuichi as a human shields so she has an extra layer, even though no killing game's actually been declared. Everyone's already panicking, despite the fact that most of them knew something of this nature was bound to occur. Angie Yonaga seems to be absentmindedly considering the exact wording of the rules they've been given, but everyone else seems to think there are more important things to deal with in the immediate future. About a dozen different students are urging everyone not to panic, but the fact that they're all doing it separately and in different ways just adds to the din. That's troublesome. 

Kirumi Tojo sighs and steels herself. It may be necessary for her to show some initiative, step in and inject some order into the din. She nods at Kiyo and Byakuya, who's of approximately the same mindset but already isn't on as good terms with everybody like the other two. She clears her throat. "If I could have everyone's attention, I feel it's necessary that we need to remain calm and-" No, nobody's listening. Well then, perhaps it's best she raise her voice and try again.

"Please, I feel it's vital that we all calm down and rationally handle this like-" Still nothing. Several students are crying like infants, even though she's sure they already knew something like this was going to happen. Good lord. Kirumi breathes in and out, she can already feel the stress drying out her skin. Her face hasn't cleared up and it's taking every bit of restraint she has left in her to resist scratching her arms again. She breathes in and out again and cracks her neck. _Left hand on hip, where it steadies yourself and provides extra balance when you kick your leg back for momentum when you tip forward. Twist your elbow like so for dramatic effect, breathe, tip forward and slam your right palm down on the table just like-_

#  ***SLAM!***

##  **"IF EVERYBODY COULD PLEASE _SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ KIRUMI TOJO IS ****_TRYING_ TO _SPEAK,_ HERE! ****SHE SINCERELY IMPLORES YOU ALL TO _CALM. DOWN._ WE'RE NOT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH _ANYTHING_ BY MILLING ABOUT LIKE A BUNCH OF... _FARM ANIMALS_ WAITING TO _SLAUGHTER ONE ANOTHER!_ "**

* * *

* * *

Silence fills the room again. That's better. She can breathe out now. "Listen, I am as concerned as any of you, but consider that before today most of us suspected that some sort of situation like this was going to take place. And despite the best efforts of _some of you_ and _evil dreams_ we have _somehow_ managed to survive this long _without any of us killing anyone else!_ I cannot speak as to how everyone else in this room feels, but I for one don't wish for that to change, killing game or no killing game."

Korekiyo chuckles at this and speaks next. "Beautiful, an absolutely beautiful statement. Although the prospect of any type of so-called killing game seems highly disturbing I would also like to point out that, shock aside, this is, in fact, far from a worse case scenario. Less than two hours ago we were unsure if _any_ human life whatsoever existed outside of this academy and now we know that it does, however unfriendly they are currently acting towards us. Not only that, but many of those near and dear to...some of us, in any case, are still alive and some of you may be able to live to see them again. The outside world exists and we will one day be able to leave. _Potential_ for violence aside this is a better outcome than I would posit a number of us were expecting."

K1-B0 raises his finger, like he's just thought of a brilliant idea. Kirumi doubts it, but he speaks nonetheless. "Monokuma, may I ask you some questions about this killing game? I understand the things you can reveal are limited, however, you do seem to be the expert on this topic." _Oh... that actually was a sensible inquiry._

**"Puhuhuhuhu! No can do, I'm afraid! Me and my adorable cubs' mouths are sealed on this topic until a killing game begins, were it to do so. What I _can_ say now is that I do have preparations that I must carry out in situations such as this, but the information I have access to and authority I possess is also limited up until the games begin. So that's what I got." **

Several students nod at this, a decent portion of them had already figured out that this was the case. It was good to have it stated explicitly, though. Hajime Hinata's the next to speak up. "That reminds me, are we sure this doesn't have anything to do with those weird visions we were having up until recently? The ones that were making us act violent, like we were or had already been _in_ a killing game. What happens if those come back and how are we going to deal with it? We need to figure out some answers." Chiaki's putting on a brave face, but she's squeezing his hand extra tight. Sayaka tries to make eye contact to reassure her, but Chiaki either doesn't see it or deliberately avoids doing so out of either guilt or awkwardness, considering the current state of their relationship.   
  


Kaede has Miu trailing behind her, eyes darting around in full on "shivering paranoia" mode. It's a good thing they'd put off the honeymoon. "Guys, I'm as scared as anyone here, but being scared in this kind of situation just means it's even more important to come together and work as a team to make sure nobody gets hurt and we _all_ make it out of here, no matter what. I'm sure that if we-"  
  


Suddenly Kokichi interjects. "But speaking of those dreams, what happened when you tried to pull everyone together like this in them, Kaede? How well did that work out for you, or everyone? I can only _half_ remember what happened in _that_ killing game myself, but I'm sure you have the more detailed version of events. The fun hasn't started and it's like you're _already_ tying a noose around your own neck." _  
  
_

She was one of the only ones who'd come out publicly with what _exactly_ she'd dreamed about and hers had been worse than almost anyone else's. _Unfortunately_ this meant that everyone knew, _including Kokichi_. She suddenly blanches and starts to ineffectively choke out a response, which in turn makes Miu turn to face Kokichi with all the body language of a hissing cat. Her messy hair stands on end like there's static running all the way through it, because she's taken the bait and wants to _fight_. Gonta and Toko step in between the two of them, trying to make sure nothing happens.   
  


"What? Why are you all looking at me like that! I'm telling the truth. Maybe a little suspicion is _a good thing_ in a situation like this. I mean, somebody's _already been trying to kill people_ even before this whole shebang started and now _I'm_ the bad guy for warning you guys not to blindly trust everyone when we could be dealing with a killing game? Not that a killing game's necessarily a bad thing to have going on, but-"

Aoi's had enough, "Zip it, you creep! I swear to god, you're like...a _human UTI!"_ The fact that it's _Aoi_ of all people saying that indicates exactly how successfully Kokichi's _little comments_ have been at getting under everyone's skin. 

"What the fuck does that mean?" Fuyuhiko interjects. The problem with having 48 Ultimates in the same place is that even in the face of death it's impossible for them to come together on any one topic without _hours_ of pointless bickering. Kirumi does not have time for this.

"PEKO! Explain to Fuyuhiko what that means. Good girl. Now, I believe-"

"No."

"...as I was saying, I believe that Kaede's right. We need to remain calm, stick together. If we do that, then-"

Kokichi Oma puts on his best sinister grin, and raises his finger to his mouth. Whatever his next words are, Kirumi already knows he's preparing to cause some chaos with it. "Calm? In here? You're deluded. You people keep telling yourselves that-" His presence is exactly the opposite of what she needs, but at least _this_ problem can be easily resolved.

** _"AKANE!"_**

_"ON IT!"_ The Ultimate Gymnast grins and then springs into action, clasping her hand firmly across Kokichi's mouth before taking him down to the floor and securing him in a headlock. She's pretty much forgotten about the whole killing game already, due to her joy at being given _express permission to kick Kokichi's ass_ if he gets out of hand again.

"Kokichi, do you have any idea how _MERCIFUL_ I'm being right now? You don't _get_ another chance before I tell everyone _exactly_ what you tried to pull and wait for _them_ to break your knees. You're _not one of the only 48 people alive any more._ Do I make myself clear?" He can't answer because Akane's hand is covering his mouth, but he does his best to nod in a way that indicates that he'll continue to be on his best behavior like he has over the last few months. " _GOOD."  
_

Kaito sighs as Akane drags Kokichi out of the room. "Look, I'll... go have another talk to him. I'm pretty sure we can break through to him eventually." There are several people in the room who _severely_ disagree and don't particularly feel like it would be worth the effort, even if they could. He knows Maki's going to be privately furious with him later, but that's just what he's like. "Anyway, before I go I'd just like to say I agree with what Kiyo said. My scans showed that we probably wouldn't be able to go outside for maybe four years _anyway,_ so... I mean it sucks, but at least this means we'll have an outside to go to even if it takes twice as long." It's a fair point. 

* * *

_"Quit it with the fake tears, nobody's falling for it any more! Do you think Shuichi likes you? Do you think anyone finds what you're doing lovable? YOU'RE the bully, you're the one who's causing trauma, you're the one who's always hurting people and the worst part is that you're already trying to re-write things in your head so that you're the misunderstood anti-hero and everyone else is a bully for standing up to you!"_

_**\- Mahiru Koizumi, post-Maki Incident** _

* * *

"Hey, how come we're meant to be listening to you?" 

"Yeah, who died and made you the boss? We never had a fucking vote on this shit!" Kirumi's patience with her fellow students is beginning to slowly wear thin. This argument's gone on for another five minutes and they still aren't any closer to figuring out _how they're even going to start discussing_ the killing game message.

"I don't know, Mondo! First of all, I'm _not_ the boss, I'm just the one taking some initiative right now because _nobody else has_ and we need to plan how we're going to go about handling this situation. I'd be more than happy for someone like _Kaede_ to take over, but Kokichi made her cry. Second of all, if those Future Foundation _cretins_ with... _unironed shirts_ are telling the truth then _The Prime Minister_ is the one who died which means I probably _AM THE LEGITIMATE PRIME MINISTER. AGAIN!_ Besides, electoral politics are a _sham_ , anyway!"

"Kirumi, I cannot allow that comment to stand!" Taka breaks rank with her on this, which she should have anticipated. His last name is _Ishimaru_ , of course he would. Princess Nevermind also looks concerned, which doesn't make sense considering she's a _Princess_. "I-I resent the implication that there is any fundamental issue with the idea of an electoral system, even _if_ the outside world has presently abandoned it! That just means we need to abide by it's principles even more. My grandfather-" 

"And _you_ saw what they did to him for his efforts." Byakuya cuts in and she's glad at least someone's acting sensible and has her side on this. Hiyoko giggles, for some reason.

"Heh...when I was in prison I heard some interesting rumors saying it was _your_ family who did that to him. Got any comments on that?" _Why is Ryoma doing this NOW, of all times? This is unlike him. Why is EVERYBODY apart from me suddenly bickering? _Suddenly Kirumi is struck by the realization that _Sayaka may be correct_. Whatever used to be sending them those nightmares could be subtly attacking _their perceptions of each other_ , instead.

Kirumi takes a deep breath and retains composure. She drank plenty of water today and followed Mikan's instructions to the letter, so her face will be just fine. "Taka, I _sincerely_ appreciate the system of laws you have established for us within the academy and was more than happy to copy-edit them. I am also _extremely_ appreciative of the fact that you left the areas of criminal justice and electoral politics unlegislated so that we could debate later, which, as I am sure you have no doubt noted, are the _only two areas pertinent to our current discussion and we do not need to talk about right this second._ "

"That's not the point! Anyway, what are we going to do about this whole killing game situation?"  
  
Byakuya scoffs. "Do we _have_ to do anything? As the message said, as long as we all stay alive we don't even know if a killing game's about to begin. I, for one, am content to continue following my usual day-to-day routine until something interesting _actually_ begins."

Kirumi looks around the room and finds there are somehow another two just as chaotic arguments happening in circles in some of the other gym corners. She feels control slipping out of her hands. The itching is starting again.

"Excuse me, Kirumi, I would like to return to your prior statements regarding political theory. In a time of crisis such as this I believe it is important that we all set a good example by-"

"Miss Sonia, do we _really_ have time to be talking ab-"

"I mean... it _said_ we have _at least_ eight years for the killing game to happen, so... we probably _do_ have enough time to get this out of the way, actually." _Yasuhiro Hagakure. YASUHIRO HAGAKURE._

"Hmmph, you foolishly dare contradict The Princess with your idiotic blathering-" Kirumi Tojo suddenly becomes aware of how long it's been since she's moved from her palm-slamming position. Force of habit from her days as The Ultimate Maid meant she never moved from a position she'd taken without clear reason, but she'd lost her usual levels of self-awareness in the heat of the moment and now she can feel her elbows start to _dry_ .

* * *

The last message arrived completely unannounced, to everyone's shock. Including the bears. A few of the students had left the room at that point, whether to cry or panic or plan or just go do _something_ other than hang around and argue.

The person on the screen is... completely indeterminate, if they're even a person. At first they look like Monokuma, but then they're _also_ Makoto Naegi and Junko Enoshima and Kaito Momota. It's impossible to properly place their voice, like they're an amorphous medley of everyone in the Academy, constantly shifting from student to student every second. Monokuma yells to cut the broadcast, but nothing happens and he looks pissed off. This doesn't seem like it was a part of his plans.

* * *

_"Students of Hope's Peak, do not give up hope! I... can't reveal my identity yet, but what I can tell you is this: I am your ally and I'm on your side. I'm sure we can work together and triumph over the mastermind. I want to beat this killing game, when it happens. My resources are limited at this stage, but what I do have is some information which I can share to pre-emptively countering one of the Mastermind's moves._

_You see, in the last couple of days before your academy was closed off a collection of these so-called "motive videos" was put together as a way to blackmail you into participating in the game. I've been informed that the majority of them contain everyone's most shameful and dangerous secrets, the kind they thought many of you would either consider killing to keep secret or have others kill you because of. I've also been told that a few of them may contain inaccurate information to throw everyone for a loop and some of them have had information removed to increase tension. Don't worry, I'm sure you guys can figure out who you can and can't trust. Once the killing game begins they were planning to distribute them to you in a way designed to maximize suspicion and paranoia among your fellow students but I'm NOT going to let that happen. "_

**_Instead, I'm just going to broadcast them to everyone right away so that they're no longer hanging over everyone's heads!"_ **

This time everyone panics, but nobody dares move.   
  


_**...Akane Owari, the Ultimate Gymnast!** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ha ha! Got you with the old "double chapter" trick. Look forward to more of _that_ kind of total bullshit in the future.**  
> They're not even really pitbulls now, more like a type of dog bred specifically to attack _"brittle-boned idiot daughters"_ named Mikan Tsumiki, who's parents slowly morphed into bad creepypasta characters. 
> 
> Congratulations to Kaede and Miu, who got married off screen. We may or may not see this go down at some point.
> 
> In a chapter that got scrapped Sayaka gave Kirumi a bunch of her old clothes, because she has a lot of them and also wearing your own merchandise is really weird. Sayaka's a good friend.
> 
> I've been going through a tough time but I think the worst of it is over now, so I can get back to pumping out something like this every now and again. As I've mentioned previously there are going to be some little changes made to nearly all the chapters along with the next one, to go along with an updated name (just making it Danganronpa: Nonlinear World Order). No story will be lost. Shit, I should have gone with _"Danganronpa: Ultimate [TITLE PENDING]"_ or _"Danganronpa: Indefinite Suspension"_. Is it too late for a do-over?
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _It's the recap episode, by which I mean a big o' reference document I've half written to keep track of who these characters are and what they're up to. I will NEVER stop switching formats. We find out why Shuichi isn't the Ultimate Detective any more. Motive videos._


	19. Four Perspectives on Mikan Tsumiki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Maki and Miu find common ground: mercilessly making fun of Kaede Akamatsu for being so fucking rich.
> 
> _"I spoke to this cute little magician once, she reminded me of you. Slow, but that just tricks the people faster than her into thinking she's not smarter than they are. Girl just takes more time to process things, is all. She was nice, a real cutie patootie, I put in a good word for her with the talent scouts. Anyway, she said the secret to stage magic is a similar kind of misdirection. You put on a flashy light show to distract people because they've got this psychological blind spot that makes them overlook stuff. Most of the real puzzle's hidden right before their eyes and it's the same with Hope's Peak..._
> 
> _...When people talk about Hope's Peak Academy's deep, dark secret they could be talking about, like, five different things, but here's the one that always REALLY blows everyone's fucking minds..."_   
>  **-Junko Enoshima**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS: It's another chapter full of Mikan and Maki, with all that entails. Miu's there too, so we have kind of the holy trinity of awful childhoods. How do you _get_ someone like Mikan in the first place? There's (only referenced) child abuse, suicide. Part of this takes place during Maki's post-attempt hospital stay. There's also some drug use, mental illness etc. They're all recovering.**
> 
> That makes it sound a _lot worse than it is._ The aftermath of Sad Maki...may just be the beginning of _Fun Maki._ A very solid chunk of this is just Maki hanging out with Miu and having a good time because they're friends now, kind of.
> 
>  **BONUS:** There is a new chapter 17, _"Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi"_. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this is definitely the single greatest chapter of fanfiction ever posted.
> 
> As always, your comments and so forth are appreciated. Don't smoke, even if it _does_ make you look cool!

## Four Perspectives on Mikan Tsumiki

#### (Mikan) Knows (Her) Job

"Aaa-and there we go! Y-you can open your eyes now, Maki. Good as new!"

Her face had been covered in bandages for well over a week, so she had no idea what to expect. Mikan had suspected an orbital socket fracture at first, which would have complicated things, but _luckily_ the area around her eyes had only been severely bruised. The result was simultaneously anti-climactic and fairly shocking in its own way, because the face she saw in the mirror Mikan was held up before her looked like her own. There was nothing for her to get used to because it was just like it'd been before she ended up in what Miu had once ever-so-charmingly referred to as the _"Sad Girl Room_ ".

Miu having been there before wasn't something Maki wanted to dwell on, so she didn't. She cranked her neck around to see it from another angle and then winced because the state of her shoulders meant moving still hurt. 

"Could you move the mirror around a little? My nose looks just the same as it did." There wasn't even any swelling left. It was a physical testament to Mikan's abilities, especially considering that when they dragged her in here she'd almost caved the entire thing flat slamming it against the floor. She didn't have a choice, really, but she was conscious for the whole thing and still able to put the years of training into action against her own own body and feel every crunch. Some of the anguish they'd triggered inside her brain lingered, but the urgent desperation to make everything stop forever was gone. The sadness was slow now.

She was a different Maki Harukawa than she was before on the inside, but she was glad she still looked the same. Kaito would be happy that she was still pretty.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't ask if you wanted it to look different or not! I'm, umm... very good with rhinoplasty." Mikan had absentmindedly mentioned that she had to re-shaped the cartilage on the fly using Maki's student ID to figure out all the _nuances_ of the shape and Maki was pretty sure she still didn't realise how much of a genius this made her. "I-if you want I might be able to try again and make it look like Junko's, if you want me to. The "Enoshima nose" was a very popular procedure before the, umm, collapse of civilization, and we're very lucky to have the original as a reference point sleeping next door."

It took all of Maki's considerable self control to stop herself from saying what she was about to say to that. Mikan was... doing her best to be normal, and from what Maki had gathered there had probably been an understanding between the two? Maki ~~was~~ _had been_ a professional killer, so she had no right to judge anyone else for what they do in their private life. "It looks fine. I'm still 5"4, but I don't think there's anything you could do about that. You know we could probably just call you a doctor at this point, right?" 

"A doctor? But I'm nowhere near qualified enough to-"

"Zip it. You've saved dozens of lives and you just gave me a _perfect nose-job_. You're as qualified as anyone's ever going to be in this place and there aren't any authorities left to certify you as either that _or_ a nurse, so you're a fraud either way." 

"A ...doctor? I-I could never..." She anxiously dithers away.

* * *

_"That was the smartest answer I've ever heard someone give to that question! I swear to god, if this whole thing wasn't going on you could totally be, like, my doctor or my Prime Minister if you weren't such a good nurse. I can see it now, Prime Minister Mikan!"_

_"P-Prime Minister? Umm... I'm not really that good at giving orders, so..."_

_"Oh, you wouldn't need to worry about it, I'd just tell you exactly what to do while you look pretty and wear one of those cool blazers with the puffy shoulders, because those really look good on you in that little uniform. Here's some hot gossip: did you know they technically made a girl younger than us the Prime Minister a couple of months ago?"_

* * *

This was the big thing that annoyed Maki about Mikan. Well, _a_ big thing. You give the girl her a compliment and a suggestion to help her move forward and she immediately dismisses it because she can't see there's another path forward that doesn't involve reducing herself to what she already is. Maki also found this annoying when she did it herself, so it isn't hypocrisy.

A couple of the other big things that annoyed her were the ones she sometimes woke up and felt _smothering her face_ when she woke up at night being _cradled_ like a child. It wasn't Maki's job any more and she didn't _want_ it to be, but it still really pissed her off to wake up and feel it being done all wrong (along with other, more obvious reasons). If you're going to do something like that you need to do it _right_ l ~~ike Peko~~ and not _smother her face with your boobs that smell like talcum powder_ because it's a _safety hazard_ and what if it was a _toddler?_ She _already_ has _Junko_ there.

A lot of things about Mikan annoyed Maki, but since Maki felt that way about most people Mikan was actually doing better than most on the whole. Having _both_ arms out of action combined with her hips, ribs, and ankle meant she'd had to rely on her for every single thing over the last ten days, but Mikan had made it as physically comfortable as it could possibly be. As a highly trained assassin she never felt teenager emotions like "awkward" or "embarrassed" in the first place, anyway (Maki knew she lied to herself a lot, but this was an all-timer).

For the first five days she couldn't even chew because of Gonta wrenching her jaw, so she'd had to rely on tapping morse code messages through Mukuro to let everyone know that she _didn't_ want any visitors yet. Mukuro was always allowed in because it was necessary and she had to talk to somebody who wasn't Mikan, which meant Junko was also allowed in a couple of times because she'd collected the big "Get Well Soon" card from everyone and also a "Get-Well- _Large Papuan Olive Python_ " from Gundham which the two of them instantly made friends with. In Maki's opinion it was much better at cuddling than Mikan because it combined an eagerness to get really snugly wrapped up around you with soothingly cool scales.

* * *

_She and Mukuro decided to name it "Breach Loading" because of the fun way it poked it's head up and down when looking for tasty rodents. They still shared a healthy appreciation for badass weapons, which was one of the few things she'd learned about that didn't hurt for her to remember. That just made it extra important. Mr. Breach Loading was very upset when Mikan tripped over him and landed that way._

* * *

"Maki...as your healthcare provider I, um...have to ask about some of the scars on your body! The ones that aren't from...this, I mean. Is that OK?"

"You're going to, anyway. Let's get this over with."

Mikan looks over a checklist and frowns. "Have you ever suffered from depression or felt the urge to self harm?" Procedure's procedure.  
  
"Mikan, I'm in a _tiny suicide ward_ which _you_ set up. I'm not allowed to have any sharp objects in the room, which doesn't make sense because I stabbed through Tenko's thigh with my fingers and I'm still perfectly capable of biting out my own tongue. _Yes_ on depression, _no_ on self harm."

"I see, I see." She writes something down to put in Maki's file (the one with a Monokid sticker and a happy giraffe she's drawn with Maki's haircut). "Are you... on any medication right now?"

"Yes. I'm on two different anti-depressants, but now I have to ask _Monokuma_ for them. I can't stop taking them or else I feel like I'm constantly going through the after-effects of a non-lethal electrocution, which I'm intimately familiar with. You also know _this_ , because you have to feed them to me every morning like we're playing _"here comes the aeroplane"_.

"Yes, about those. If Monokuma says your prescription checks out then I believe him and they're standard medications, but the form on file says they came from one, let's see here... _Dr. The Crime Psychiatrist_? As a nurse I don't really have any authority over medication, but that definitely seems a little strange. Was it a...how do I say this, pill mill?"

Maki sighs. "He was a licensed psychiatrist, he just exclusively operated throughout the underworld. My handlers in the society were ordering me to do things nobody should ever have to think about at any age. I was fourteen at the time and... I had to explain to them that I was experiencing the symptoms of anxiety and depression. They'd put me through unimaginable torture, but this time I think it was... uncomfortable for both of us. I don't think they'd ever had a teenage killer under their control before. It was a religious assassin cult, but it was... also an organization working towards some mad plot to bring about the end of human civilization as we know it. It's hard to explain, you wouldn't get it."

There's an awkward silence and Mikan briefly glances over at the next room where Junko Enoshima's located for a couple of seconds. "Tee-hee, nope! I wouldn't know _anything_ about that sort of thing _at all_. I'm just a silly little _nurse_!" A somewhat odd response accompanied by a weird smile, but Maki decides to just take it at face value because Mikan _is_ a silly nurse, no offense intended, and she's always been kind of an odd duck. It checks out. She obviously cares for Junko a lot.

"Mikan, can we just skip to the part where you ask me if I've tried mindfulness and breathing exercises?"

"...have you?"

" _They just make me more anxious_. Look, isn't Kiyo more of the psychologist around here? _Don't_ bring him in here though, I don't want any visitors yet and I had to have Mukuro put barbed wire in the vents to stop Kokichi from sneaking in."

"..."

"A precautionary measure. If there's blood in the vents then that's why, but Angie probably won't want his for whatever she's using all that blood for by the time you find it."

"..."

"...I used to play _Sniper Rifle_ with the younger boys instead of using an aeroplane, where they had to see if they could bite down on the spoon in time. They never could unless I went easy on them, but they kept trying and it helped them build reflexes and coordination... which is important for if they want to play sports when they go to school... _When they caught me it was also really good for their self-confidence_." Maki's ~~crying like a baby again, almost as much as she will in her talk with Angie~~ eyes are sore from the stress of dealing with Mikan, who's _wiping them clean for no reason_ and it pisses her off.

* * *

_Monokuma will continue to give out the correct medication even in the unlikely event of a killing game, because as headmaster he is still fundamentally responsible for the students' wellbeing and otherwise half the interesting ones are just going to be shivering in bed and throwing up all day._ _It also prevents uncomfortable loopholes, like Celeste dying because she ran out of insulin._

* * *

"So why are you so... sickly, anyway? You always seem kind of weak for someone who knows everything about taking care of yourself." Maki could tell from the second she met her that Mikan had a rough childhood. _Probably_ a fellow Towa City kid, like Mondo and Akane. She knew all the telltale signs, but Mikan's were more intense than anyone else she'd ever met.

"Oh, I've always been like this. My parents said my bones were always... brittle as a kid, and I'm missing a kidney, along with some... parts of other stuff." _Fuck, fuck, fuck, __Mikan_. "My immune system's kind of weak in general, which motivated me to learn to take care of myself even more. That's why I'm confident in my ability to have a near-normal lifespan, barring any accidents!"

"A normal lifespan's pretty good. I never thought I'd have one of those."

"I also had to drink a lot of, umm...poisons? From different people, please don't think it's all my parents' fault!" _Not better_. "It's mine, really, this kind of thing just kept happening. People were always impressed by my ability to handle it, even though it...wasn't nice."

"Wait, _poison?_ Was this before or after you lost the kidney?"

"B-both, really! It made it a lot harder for my body to filter them out and weakened it a bit more, but it also actually made the kidney I _do_ have a lot stronger. So...I'm thankful! Ohh, I'm sorry if I made it all awkward, I keep-"

"It's fine. I get it. I... also had to build up my immunity to some of the more common poisons. I always thought those might have stunted my growth somehow. Is that a possibility?"

"N-not really. Maki... sometimes we're just naturally short."

_"Oh."_

"..."

"This is a wild idea, but... since my arms are already dislocated and I'm used to the feeling, would painkillers-"

"Torture racks don't work that way! _Y-you're always going to be 5"4!"_

* * *

"Mukuro, I need you to do a favour for me. Could I talk to Junko for a minute?" It took more than a couple of minutes, which probably meant someone was visiting Junko in her hospital bed a couple of rooms over and Mukuro had to find a way to..., y'know, get her sister's attention.

There's a noisy clang from the ceiling and Junko Enoshima drops through the air vents and executes a perfect flip (in combat boots). Maki would have done it silently, but she and Junko have a completely different skillset despite what some people may believe. The whole idea of an assassin is that you don't want to get into a pitched battle unless it's absolutely necessary.

She felt like kind of a jerk for making her cut through the barbed wire she'd just put in less than a fortnight ago. Carrying that stuff into a vent must have been a bitch. 

"Hey, Maki! What's up? _Loving_ the whole long hair and bandages vibe, gives you a sort of horror movie type deal. Like Mikan! Cute nose, by the way! We should all totally hang out some time! How can I help you?"

"Junko, do you think it would be possible to coerce Mikan into becoming a doctor. I mean...would it be a good idea? For her?"

"Hmmm...I guess, maybe! You could put her into a cute little doctor's outfit and make her carry around a clipboard! Oh, do you think she could give out pills that way? Because that'd be super groovy."

"That's _why I'm asking_. I want a _girl_ _doctor_ and right now I have to get my refills from _Monokuma_ because he claims she's not qualified for some reason and _she goes along with it_. He puts **_"Maki's Grumpy Tablets (70mg)"_ ** on the bottle even though I _know_ he can still get the name brand ones somehow!" 

* * *

_"Mom, I'm getting a little worried about you. Smoking six packs a day seems kind of...intense."_

_"I've got a girl who needs this nursing scholarship pretty badly. If I didn't smoke enough to win her this apprentice position that would be kind of a weight on my conscience, you know? As much as I already love the soothing sensation and great taste of cigarettes I'm actually doing all this for her sake."_  
  
_"I mean...you could just lie about having smoked all of them."_  
  
_"Oh? What then."_  
  
_"Well...you could resell the cigarettes? Or... I could make them look like magic cigarettes and then we onsell them for $15 each with a sort of... fortune cookie message inside?"_  
  
_"Hmm... make it $20 and say that the fortune only works if you smoke them first, that'll fool them for a few weeks. Give mom a 40% cut, I gotta buy more cigarettes to smoke and also probably save this girl's life. Love ya."_

* * *

#### "[Maki Harukawa &/or Miu Iruma] does not play well with others."

_"Nice to meet... me._

_My name is Kaede Akamatsu..._

_I'm the protagonist of this crazy story._

_One time a cab didn't arrive for my concert and I had to use my own credit card to take a different cab._

_I thought I was going to be tossed into the back of some unmarked van and kidnapped in the middle of the street._

_That was the scariest moment in my entire life...but I learned an important lesson about trusting people, and how by working together things can turn out OK!"_

- **Miu Iruma,** who lost her handbook but found the voice changer again.

Kaede just lies back on the couch, peruses the latest issue of _SAYAKA_ and pointedly ignored Miu and Maki's snickering, which is what it _was_. Sayaka says Toko Fukawa's current rolled sleeves look is "in" _(and it's totally not because Toko was one of the only ones who unquestioningly stood by her before the motive videos came out)._ She was truly overjoyed that, after all this time, the assassin and the inventor had stopped feuding, opened up to each other and learned to communicate in their own unique way. These days that was more critical than ever. _Miu_ was even _painting Maki's nails._

Her only wish was that the thing they bonded over wasn't _being total ~~sh_th__ds~~ jerks _and _doing mean impressions of her._ Miu and her were meant to be _married_.

Miu got the voice changer working again and had it set to "Kaede" while Maki apparently _already_ just had a really good impression of her _for some reason_. Peko had left to talk with Toko (who was hopefully Toko) about something earlier, which just left the three of them alone with Akane quietly doing push-ups in the corner. Tensions _still_ hadn't fully died down yet, but people had just started to feel safe travelling alone again (as long as you let a friend know where you're going) and a group of four was 100% safe.

Kaede had suggested they all play Monopoly, which was a mistake. It led to a discussion about pre-apocalypse money and living conditions, making Kaede the obvious target for everyone in the room. The modified _Hope's Peak Rules_ everyone played by (physically stealing money from the bank is cool and therefore encouraged if you don't get caught) meant that they'd run out of cash in every game box months ago. Gonta had ordered ten copies of a near identical game called " _Monosuke"_ , but an exchange rate hadn't been figured out yet. Like most things to do with this Hope's Peak it's all about who can best rig the game in their favor before it begins.

So basically what had happened is Kaede opened a box and they started making fun of her. When you and a bunch of friends your own age are indefinitely trapped within close quarters you're going to get intimately familiar with each other sooner or later, so learning to both participate in and tolerate trash-talk is a necessary talent for survival unless _your name is Kaede Akamatsu, who's too rich to deign to have swear words touch her tongue._

 _"My name's Kaede Akamatsu and I can't sleep if my sheets aren't at least Egyptian Cotton with a thread count of 700!"_ That one's not accurate either, but she still simply rises above responding to the accusations and reads about ways to accessorize the uniform from your last school you've started wearing again so you're more easily identifiable in the dark if an emergency were to occur. That would be lowering herself to the level of Miu Iruma, who she was married to. All she did was _ask politely_ if Monokuma had some nicer sheets she could use, because it would make sleeping _easier_. And he _did_ , so _everyone got nicer sheets including Miu_ , so she's not sure why this is a bad thing.

 _"My name's Kaede Akamatsu and I've never eaten food I've found on the sidewalk even though in summer that basically just means you never have to heat it up!"_ Oh, so _Akane's_ joining in now. That's just wonderful.

 _"My name is Kaede Akamatsu and I've_ *coff* _never been in danger of dying due to the_ *coff* _winter cold"_ says The Little Match Girl, who's just humbly passing through the room on her way to sell some matches this freezing New Year's Eve. _Huh._ Until this point they just hadn't realised she was attending this academy, or that she was an alive human being instead of a fictional children's character from the 19th- _wait a minute. Tsumugi, WHY?_

Miu concentrates on Maki's nails. She seems to be having some trouble. "Don't fidget! It's really fucking hard to put these things on when I don't have my soldering tools on me, and I don't know if you've ever had a soldering torch under your fucking _fingernails_ , but-"

"I have. _Repeatedly_."

"...well, that's just fucking fantastic. Trust _Maki_ to always make everything fucking awkward for everyone else just because she was a _torture victim_. Aaaand we're done. How do they look?"

Maki flexes her fingers and examines the nails. They're longer than she's used to. "Hmm. The matte texture's useful because it doesn't reflect anything. Do they have to be that color? It kind of clashes with my whole image, unless _my name's Kaede Akamatsu and I never have to pay for clothes even though I can afford them new, because I've got a sponsorship with the people who make the cashmere sweater vests I'm somehow allowed to wear over my school uniform."_

"Look, I make all my early prototypes in _MIPP_ , which means _M iu Iruma's Personal Pink_, because it's my getting lucky color and signature shade. I can _probably_ figure out a way to make them an edgier red later if you want to look so fucking goth. Or coral. Are you going to test them out or what?"

Maki nods. "Coral works. Akane, can you throw me a beer?"

"Got it!"

At first it looked like Maki just caught the bottle as it sailed through the air, but as she handed it to Miu the neck just slid off with the cap still on, cleanly decapitated _like Rantaro narrowly avoided being during the motive video screening_. Word is he'd shown his face again in the dining hall an hour ago, Kiyo backing him up as a precautionary measure. Kaede wasn't sure if that was wise, or if she really approved. The beer doesn't foam over any more than it would have and Maki's genuinely impressed. "That _is_ really sharp. Would've been useful when I was still had a job."

"That's not the good part! You see, they're _water soluble_ , so if you wash your hands it doesn't leave behind any evidence _if_ you want to use them to kill someone."

"So... what's the catch?"

"Oh, there's no catch, _that's_ the problem. I kind of lost my train of thought when I drafted the designs because I was just _thinking_ about anal..." She sticks her tongue out in Kaede's direction, who ignores the comment more than she ignored everything else they've said thus far because now Miu's just _deliberately hinting at stuff like that purely to embarrass her._ In all fairness that part was a daily occurrence, but there was zero truth to it this time. She sometimes did it to let Kaede know she was maybe being a slight jerk without noticing, but now it was just because she was named _Kaede Akamatsu, who's never chosen to sleep in a bed full knowing that it had bedbugs._

"...so these aren't really erotic or self-sabotaging. That's why I needed _your_ help to try and figure that part out, because you're an expert on instruments of violence and I thought you could help me come up with some kind of, y'know. Funny downside or non-lethal use for them. Otherwise I'm just manufacturing weapons, which violates my _single unbreakable moral principle_ of _not_ being an arms dealer."

"Stop it. I was your room-mate for a day, you don't _have_ any moral principles. Or shame, unlike me, because _my name's Kaede Akamatsu and I've never been forced into choosing between whatever principles and dignity I have left and survival._ "

"Bull-fuckin'-shit! _You_ just kicked me out because _you_ stopped taking your pills three times a day like a good little _murder machine_ and got anxiety about your bed having too many "angles of approach" when you're asleep. _I_ was just trying to get a little physical after-midnight satisfaction when _you_ woke up 'cuz of the noise, had a fucking panic attack and jumped on the wall like a _voyeuristic Spider-Man_ before _snitching to the teachers._ Snitch! After that _I_ graciously gave the room to you by bunking with the maid! I can't believe we ever thought you were _actually_ a Child Careg-"

_"Stop it. Do you wanna die?"_

"Heeeeee! I-I'm sorry, I j-just wanted to-"

"...I'm joking."

"Oh... huh, I guess that makes sense. You see, _for me_ joking's more when I constantly talk about tits, shits n' slits. That stuff's fucking funny. N' clits."

"What are you, _fourteen_? And you do that constantly _anyway_ , though."

"No, I'm elev- _wait_... _OK,_ first of all, _that's_ a fucking _low blow,_ resetting me's like that's _off the fucking table from now on._ Second of all, you'd probably find it funny too if you _had any tits in the first place,_ so don't take it out on me. Third of all, _you_ constantly threaten to fucking _stab me, so how's that any fucking better!_ "

Kaede jolts to attention and sits up, ready to break up the fight. Maki might've accidentally caused a worst case scenario when she triggered a reset on Miu like- "Oh, here's some water, just dab them in there and they dissolve right away. See? _Easy_ fucking peasy _._ " _Huh. I guess Maki and Miu being friends sounds almost identical to them about to rip each other's hair out._

"Thanks, appreciate it. I... overlooked that because I started to up my dosage today. I may have accidentally doubled and I think it's making me mellower than usual. Sorry."

"I ground up mine and snorted them with some stuff I got from Hiro. He said would make it easier for me to open up emotionally and become your friend."

"Thanks. Your pupils are starting to dilate."

* * *

_That explains it._

* * *

  
"I love you too. See? _Someone_ around here has some fucking gratitude, unlike _Kaede Akamatsu, who..._ I can't think of one. _Horse-thighs_ , ya got anything?" She leans back and turns her head in Akane's direction.  
  
"Yeah, sure! _My name's Kaede Akamatsu and I've never been stabbed._ That work _?"_ Akane goes back to doing her push-ups.

"Thanks! You hear that, Kaede? Ever been stabbed?" Miu regains her balance at the last second.

"You have no right to criticize her, Miu. Have _you_ ever been stabbed? You don't _look_ like you've been stabbed."

"I don't know! I've _probably_ been stabbed at least a _little_ bit, it's not my fault I have perfect skin and my scars always fade away. Mikan was also taking care of that shit for me for a while, so she probably knows better than I do. It also means _I_ cleverly avoided having a fucking crater face (probably) and dealing with gross puberty shit like the rest of you assholes did when you got to enjoy being _actually_ (probably) fourteen."

"While you were asleep I was _killing_ people."

"Something _I_ never had the opportunity to do. Maybe I would have fucking liked it! Actually, you know what? Lemme just interrogate the witness like... _I'm The Ultimate Detective and I'm oh-so cool and stoic and I only got in here because my dad was the principal._ " She can't do that impression.

_"The name's... Kyoko Kirigiri. It's true that I'm The Ultimate Detective."_

"Thanks." Miu leaves her seat, adjusts her top and sticks her head out into the corridor. The nurse's office is within echoing distance.

 _I always knew you were an assassin, Maki. I didn't just wait until someone else said it out loud._ _This impresses Mahiru, naturally, so I-_ Wait, what are you-"

_** "MIKAN!!!!" ** _

Maki hisses. "Why didn't you just message her on your handbook?"

"...I don't know where I left it, _Kaede_ says I can't use hers any more and I don't want to ask Monokuma to find it for me because the last time I did that he said he's _not mad, he's just disappointed_ , which means he's-"

**_ "...i-is there an emergency?!?" _ **

_** " ** NOT YET! HAVE I EVER BEEN **STABBED?!?!" ** _

**_ "...do needles count?!?" _ **

_ " NO, **SHITWIPE** , NEEDLES DON'T COUNT!!" _

Akane jumps to her feet at that one. "Hey! Why're you being mean to Mikan!?!"

"I-I'm not being mean! It's a part of her job description! What do you think nurses _do_? Maki's-"

**_ "...you've been stabbed three times!" _  
  
**

"HA! Three fucking times. You hear that? Three fucking times! The fact that I don't _remember_ any of it just means _I've_ once again got the best of both worlds, 'cuz... _wait, hang on, I need to check something."_

_** " ** MIKAN, DID YOU FUCKING **STAB **ME ** ?!?!" ** _

"Why would Mikan _stab you_?" Maki's skepticism is the natural default response to anything Miu Iruma accuses someone of.

"Please! People'd pay good money for a thrust inside-"

"That's an _innuendo_ , not an _answer_."

"-because _my name's Kaede Akamatsu and I get it for free._ Look, I just bet she was. I'll bet you a million fucking dollars for you to spend on your stupid orphanage that- 

_**  
  
"...only the second time! i'm sorry! the scalpel just sort of landed there!" **  
  
  
_

"Ha! You hear that, Maki? _You_ now owe _me_ a million fucking dollars. Pay up or I'm gonna send all your orphans to a shitty fucking _orphanage_ , sell _you_ to some unattractive creeps in Akane's slum, which I'll then bulldoze for no reason so when they're done _they'll_ onsell your body for the tax write-off to some shitty hospital that's probably also an _organ farm_ where Mikan's probably going to _stab_ _you in the ass_ and...

...fuck me, _we never stood a fucking chance._ "

"Probably not. Also, one out of three means I only owe you a third of a million."

* * *

_The Robin Hood who could have fought back for them suddenly got hit by a truck, just like Maki's friend. His brother thought it was all his fault._

* * *

Miu's hugs Kaede from behind, because apparently for some reason she was _still_ feeling huffy over it being " _Everyone Make Fun of Kaede for Having an Ever So Slightly Upper-Middle Class Childhood Day"_. And she _never_ had a pony, so she's not even sure where that one came from. Maki had sent a message to Kirumi, who said she could come around in twenty minutes so they could all tear into Chiaki instead. This gave Kaede an opportunity to clear up something that'd been bothering her before she arrived. "Why _does_ Kirumi hate Chiaki so much, anyway?"

Akane rolled her eyes as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Do you think The Ultimate Gamer _cleans her room_? It was fine when Sonia was her roommate, but somehow she can set up this weird _cocoon_ of worn clothes within a few hours. She always wears the same things and never washes them, so I don't get where they come from. She might...just dirty the clothes and dump them everywhere to mess with Kirumi? Chiaki can just be kind of gross but most people don't realise it because she's... sedentary."

Miu then proceeded to raise a question that was apparently lingering on the minds of everyone _but_ Kaede, who never even knew. "So... do you think Mikan's parents _sold_ her kidney? I always assumed that's what happened."

Maki absentmindedly bites her thumbnail (no longer razor sharp) thinking about it. "Probably, but... there's also a chance she just got sick. She mentioned being..."brittle" as a child. And also drinking poison, too."

" _So_? Do you think her parents would _care_ about selling a poisoned kidney? I mean, _someone else_ could have taken it, but..."

Akane shrugs. She'd done a leisurely one thousand five hundred push-ups without breaking a sweat. "I dunno, sounds kinda outlandish. Maybe it's something else, like, I dunno, a dog ate it?" 

"Akane, that makes no sense. If a dog ate her kidney how is she still _alive_?"

"Maybe she just did, like, a Frankenstein operation on herself? Our Mikan's more tough than you'd think, my gut says she could probably handle it." Everyone thinks about this for a few seconds before shaking their heads because that's slightly too silly a theory for a subject of this magnitude. 

Kaede decides to step in "If you want, I could just go talk to her and-"

 **""" _No. Don't get involved._ """ **Apparently It's been unanimously decided without her input that Kaede should _not_ step in.

Miu hugs her tighter, but her fingers rub Kaede's stomach just enough to let her know there may be an annoying-level pinch waiting for her in the future. "Kaede, leave Mikan alone. Be her friend. Be her best fucking friend in the world and eat her ass out and sleep with her fucking coma wife and invite me for all I care, but pick another battle and don't _get involved_ in this one like you always try and do."

"Wait, why not? Am I that-"

"Because you talk to her she'll _give you_ all the answers straight away even if she doesn't want to, because she can't set boundaries you'd notice. That's why _we're_ doing it for her, _with_ you, _before_ it happens."

Maki stands up and heads towards the door. "This one's for us. _If_ we need someone else we'll get Hajime, Sakura or Toko. Pick another battle, like... I don't know, trying to stop The Killing Game along with everyone else. We get that you have good intentions and you're not _trying_ to do the wrong thing, but...actually, here's an easier way for you to get it...  
  
  


_...MIKAN!"_ Her shout isn't nearly as _ear-piercing_ as Miu's, so they didn't actually need to cover them this time.

_** "...m-maki! is there an emergency? has miu been stabbed again?!?" ** _

_"NOT YET. WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT SKINCARE?"_

**_ " _ ...oh! this may come as a surprise, but my uncle's actually the dermatologist who discovered c-cospox and, umm, how do i put this..." **

**_... _ it's because  _ my name is kaede akamatsu!" _ **

**_ "...is she there!? i'm sorry!" _ **

* * *

_"You know what she was doing and you also know she didn't even have the decency to keep it under the sheets. I'll admit to being temporarily startled and taking a vertical strike angle in case there was a burglar, which as a child caregiver I underwent years of training to prepare for in case they attempt to steal a child! A allegations of making a squeaking noise on my part are completely baseless. I demand either a new roommate, a single room or a tactically defensible closet of my own with only one foot approach."_

_"Thank you, Maki. We'll take that into consideration. Miu, what's your side of the story?"_

** "FUCKING _SKANK_ TRIED TO _THROWING KNIFE_ _MY PUSSY_!" **

* * *

###  **Welcome, M. TSUMIKI You have _5_ Unread messages.. **

* * *

**FROM: L. KUWATA**  
  
**SUBJECT:** **(urgent) Condoms** **  
  
**_Mikan, DO WE NEED TO USE CONDOMS? Ibuki says we don't actually and Monokuma says there's no STDs here and "fluoride in the drinking water" which makes it so you can't get pregnant but I'm not sure if he's joking and idk how that stuff works_

_Thanks for helping with everyone's injuries, btw! I really appreciate it. Do you want to catch up for dinner some time?_

* * *

**FROM: G. TANAKA  
  
SUBJECT: Veterinary Psychiatric and/or Psychological Nursing?**

_See the title of this message. Is such a thing possible? The rare Serpent of Ragnarok you so foolishly tripped over when it was paying a get-well visit to Maki many moons ago seems to be in a bad mood and doesn't seem interested in eating it's usual voles. However, it does not appear to be of ill physical condition and I am concerned that you may have injured its feelings by landing in such an undignified manner. Snakes are very shy and you might not appreciate how lucky you are that it did not bite you (because it is not a biting python, they kill by constriction). I need to know immediately if snake anti-depressants exist and if I am able to acquire them, although I am well aware that you are unable to dispense them at present._

_Once again, I must thank you for your help with healing the ailments and cleaning the my stable containing my mighty Thunder Boars. The vomiting has entirely ceased._

_-G. Tanaka, S.O. of Ice_

* * *

**FROM: SAYAKA MAGAZINE**

**SUBJECT: Upcoming Photoshoot for SAYAKA Magazine**

_We's got an amazing photoshoot opportunity for Junko Enoshima coming up for the next issue of SAYAKA. However, Ms. Maizono insists we needs your permission to go ahead with it and supervise things so you know it's all above the table. Would we be able to arrange a meeting? Monophanie's free all tomorrow. There's a lot of Monocoins on the line for both youse and Junko, here._

_-M. SUKE, publicity representative for SAYAKA inc._

* * *

**FROM: H. HINATA**

**SUBJECT: Re: Concerns Over Exam Conditions**

_Dear Mikan-_

_The conditions are fine and the deadline's too close for us to reschedule it and put this off._

_I get that me and Kirumi are still meant to be helping you study, but it's reached the point where I can't understand the meaning of half these words and I don't know how much longer even Kirumi's going to be able to keep up. Miu says she's already read all of the books but just forgot about what was in them, which means she's lying to make herself look smarter than she is again. She then said she "had a glance over your files" and started babbling about how your body's worse than hers with occasionally correct terminology, so she may have glanced over the index at some point and given up._

_She said you have impacted canine teeth, but then she said, and I quote, they're located "throughout her stomach and adjacent organs." I kind of tuned out after that, but I just thought that was funny. She wanted to let you know you "deserve lip fillers", which I think she meant as a compliment?_

_Look, here's the stone cold truth: What you write down doesn't matter because Taka doesn't understand what's in the books either and he's going to say that your answers are correct. We're only doing this the slow way to ease you into it, you know this and we'll be able to tell if you fail on purpose to look clumsy, so please don't try._

_I know you're scared, but you can't keep running away and when push comes to shove you're going to have to grow up and accept it. Kiyo's always willing to appear looming out of the dark in an ambush and talk to you if you need help with this psychologically. Everyone in here's going to recognise it (except maybe Hiyoko)._  
  
_Hiro and Hifumi have already drafted the fancy piece of paper._

_It says **"Mikan Tsumiki, M.D."**_

_You can keep calling yourself a nurse, you can keep that as your Ultimate title. You're always going to be our nurse for as long as you want to. But we all think this is a step you need to take. I'm sorry I had to break this to you._

_Also, once you're a doctor I need to talk to you about getting prescribed antidepressants, because Monokuma says you need a pre-existing diagnosis for him to dole them out and you'll be allowed to do that. But that's not why most of us are so eager about this._

_-Hajime_

* * *

**FROM: H. SAIONJI**

**SUBJECT:** **SHIT-EATING SKANK**  
  
_Hey there, PIG BARF. I'd try and trick Gundham into mailing you ACTUAL pig barf so you know exactly what you are, but he says all his pigs are in "perfect health, for now" and Sonia got angry at me because she somehow caught on to what I was doing even though she's stupid._

_Anyway, I double-booked some dance practice with Sayaka so I'd really appreciate it if you bullied yourself instead for twenty minutes or so later today? I don't really know your schedule so do that whenever it's most convenient for you, I understand that you're kind of routine focused and have a lot of idiotic nurse things to handle. I'm actually going to be busy all of next week, so just, like, do it whenever you have some free time._

_Thanks a bunch, please don't respond to this message because I don't even want to IMAGINE your horrible broken accordion voice._

_Oh my God! Your existence horrifies me. Jump in a grave and stay there._

* * *

**Much Earlier...**

_"...why, if a scrunchy lil' scarecrow like Mikan Tsumiki can make it to Hope's Peak Academy then anyone can, if they have the talent and work hard enough! Poor little Mikan spent her childhood dodging bottles and running between a seedy men's gym locker and a basement full of pitbulls. Boo-hoo-hoo. But look, children! She worked hard, never stopped smiling even when she was missing teeth, obediently kept her head down just like she was conditioned to and made it all the way to Hope's Peak Academy because she's a happy little worker bee. How very egalitarian._

_Here's the real truth: One of the_ _reasons you're oh-so-valuable to them is that they're using you to hide that they've kicked down the ladder and taken away any last remaining opportunities for a hundred other little Mikans just like you. If you could make it, why can't they? It must be because they're lazy and just didn't work hard enough, because sturdy little Mikan Tsumiki didn't complain about her living conditions. Akane Owari faced constant starvation, so why are you so weak just because of a lil' chronic malnourishment? Toko Fukawa's suffering inspired great art, so where's your novel, genius? Don't think about the fact that they closed down all the libraries where Toko learned to love reading, or where Akane went to find shelter. Y'all are the one-in-a-million exceptions that they're using to justify the rule._

_Some people will tell you it's just because those kids were just born worthless, but how come when Nagito rambles on about talents being innate he conveniently skips over how Teruteru Hanamura spent every waking minute of his childhood learning how to cook? Hiyoko spent her whole life being hand-raised bait for a fishhook just like the one we're impaled on now, she lashes out like that because she knows it better than anyone else and feels the same powerlessness as you. Nagito, on the other hand? When you think about it there's no practical difference between all the "Hope" shit he gives so many passionate diatribes about and plain old fucking EUGENICS!_

_Here's another thought: Maybe when you were stumbling around with chunks torn out of your hair someone DID see something and they DID speak up, but instead of the social workers who should have been there to rescue you from your parents they funneled that money into shit like Hope's Peak Fucking Academy._ _Now they've turned all your suffering into a neat little propaganda package for the system as is and that's what they mean when they call Mikan Tsumiki a "Symbol of Hope"._

_Fuck that, fuck Hope's Peak and fuck every single person who beat you down to the point where you can only smile and say you're sorry. I'm not going to forgive you for anything, because you? You have nothing to apologize for. They're the ones who need to beg and plead and crawl on their fucking knees, not you. They didn't even think you were a person. That's why I wanted to burn down Towa Tower and plunge them into the same fucking despair you were born into._

_You're a reminder about why I started doing this in the first place. After that everything here got a little messed up and I did too, but shit happens. Now? You and me are going to up the scale more than anybody ever thought possible and when the time's right we're going to do it as equitable fucking partners._

_The Mikan shall inherit the Earth!"_

**-Junko Enoshima, Ultimate Revolutionary**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Look at me, I didn't have a traumatic childhood because I'm Kaede Akamatsu and _I_ was too busy having fun with my piano and watching Disney movies. Geeze, I've never fallen into a vat of acid and come out as a cartoon skeleton who plays the xylophone, I'm not _like_ other girls!"**
> 
> This timeline is not a good place. There is somewhat of a class divide, as you may have noticed. Hiroko Hagakure did a lot out of love for her son, concern for Mikan's wellbeing and enthusiasm for smoking cigarettes. Getting both of them to the point where they made it to Hope's Peak is a pretty incredible achievement. Being a nurse isn't actually worse than being a doctor, those kids just _really_ want new prescriptions. 
> 
> Any inconsistency in the writing of a character like Maki can be explained by the fact that she gets extremely jittery when she stops taking her medication. She wasn't very convincing at pretending she wasn't some kind of assassin, but still managed to make it months in thanks to everyone in the building not being very perceptive. It wasn't meant to be this way, but Miu is very close to becoming the most important character purely by force of being fun to write. 
> 
> A couple of the old chapters still suck and I need to fix them up so they fit in better with what I'm doing now. The bit right at the end here still needs tweaking, but I'll just do that later to fit Junko's much, much bigger lecture where she lays everything bare. Honestly I'm about 50/50 on scrapping half this thing and Frankenstein-ing something new together from the remaining parts (Mikan-style) or renaming it _"DR: Indefinite Suspension"_ because that's a way better name and fits the gimmick I feel this thing moving towards. 
> 
> I am, and I cannot emphasise this enough, mostly going into this without a game plan. That's why the formatting is bad and everything is just kind of discordant. This entire thing is me taking bad jokes and stringing them out over however many thousands of words. If you give me a terrible idea I will probably use it as a challenge. I'm just, as always, going through some stuff in real life, thinking things etc.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTERS:** _The Index_ , The Motive Videos, Revolutionary Girl Enoshima.
> 
>   
>   
>   
>   
> ~~Weasels~~ _ **Pitbulls**_ Ripped My ~~Flesh~~ **_Other Kidney!_**  
>   
> 


	20. KAITO: THE LIVING DEAD!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ####  We reveal Mikan's dark secret and Mukuro Ikusaba's celebrity crush. 
> 
> _"It's not Rocket Science"_
> 
> -Hope's Peak saying, referring to **Kaito Momota's** moronic behavior in all other areas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: This episode is not suitable for children. It contains injuries, blood, swear words, ambiguous references to Maki and Peko's horrible childhoods, alluded to sexual behavior and characters getting slapped in the face.**  
>  WARNING: This episode is also not suitable for _WIMPS_! There's buckets of _BLOOD_ , jump scares, terrifying MONSTERS, people going crazy, spooky narration, bad hygiene, and horrifying secrets! It's long, like a full-length horror movie, and _things may not always be as they seem._ Scandalous rumors are spreading, but can they be trusted? Can you trust...yourself? Do not read this one after dark or perhaps you won't be able to sleep... _EVER AGAIN!_  
>   
>  As a Christmas gift I have decided to gift everyone a Halloween special chapter. Read after the chapter for a special announcement about the future of this story. Kudos, comments, questions and complaints are always more than welcome...if you dare!

_ "Hello there?! Pardon me for saying so, but you seem a little lost._

_ Ah! I see. A reader, are we? _

_What's that? The school library?_

_Oh my my, but it appears you have taken a wrong turn in your journey down these dusty old stairs._

_ For you see, this is no longer the library... _

_...instead, you have wandered into... _

_** ...A CRYPT!!! ** _

** KYAHAHAHAHAHA!!" **

#  **TALES OF BLOOD LUST**

#### with Genocide Jack

**"Hi there! You know who it is. Apparently _"Guy Who Hosts The Twilight Zone"_ is cutting too fine a line with regards to who does and doesn't count as a fictional character so you're still going to have to put up with a host like yours truly. I'd tell you to breath in the atmosphere, but you probably wouldn't find the smell that pleasant. Even if we weren't hanging out in a spooky crypt then I'd still smell like one anyway, thanks to Toko's fear of looking at her ugly face and tiny tongue in the mirror!**

**Speaking of looking at yourself in the mirror, isn't it interesting how that's become somewhat of a repeating thematic element throughout our little Hope's Peak sojourns? There's a mirror that's important to this story as well, but I'm sure we'll get to that when the time comes. It's funny how these things can inadvertently develop out of nowhere, as if the author didn't purposefully intend for them to turn out that way. It's something I'm sure Toko would find very interesting... but _I'm not Toko!_**

**My dour little counterpart prefers to explore the human condition through boring genres like _romance_ and _mystery_ , while I prefer to _cut straight to the heart_ of the matter with stories...of _HORROR_! Don't worry, if it comes down to that I won't cut straight to the heart with _you_. I'd much rather draw it out and edge you for as long as I can. Just ask _Ibuki_. ** **Oh? No, she's fine, we're having lunch in a couple of days, that whole thing was one _huuuge_ misunderstanding. She's going to be portraying me in a TV show a couple of chapters from now and she probably won't admit it but those leg tattoos are _totally_ a tribute to my tally marks even though I have no idea how she found out about those.**

 **Aaanyway, tonight's** **_ghastly_ ****tale concerns a certain young astronaut trainee some of you may be familiar with. Many would assume Kaito Momota is a man without fear, but that's far from the case.** **He fears his friends dying in the killing game. He fears a recurrence of the deadly illness that nearly cost him his life. He** **fears his girlfriend is cheating on him with the friend who's bed she sleeps in at least three nights a week and also Ibuki says she hears moaning sounds coming from in there. But his greatest fear is the one he'll have to face head-on tonight. That fear? _THE SUPERNATURAL!"_**

##  **KAITO: THE LIVING DEAD!**

* * *

Kaito Momota faces another restless night without Maki, who is definitely still his girlfriend and said she just needs some alone time (with Peko) right now. He tosses and turns, his dreams filled with werewolves, ghosts, mummies and the uncertain question of whatever it is Angie Yonaga's doing with everyone's blood. He's decided that Frankensteins are OK by him because they're creatures of science, like Monokuma and Keebo, but zombies are right out. That's all of secondary concern, of course, because his astronaut priority fear number one right now... is _vampires_!

Vampires haunt his visions each night. Sexy lady vampire, but still vampires. It started with the usual wide eyes peering down at him from the ceiling, but soon pale maidens with blood red eyes descend crowd around and hover over his bed, whispering " _Kaito...Kaito...come with us, Kaito..._ " in those alluring voices of theirs. He can feel the faint touch of their cold fingers brushing across his face, leaving a subtle stinging sensation as he tosses and turns. He knows this must be a nightmare, he prays it must be true, but he still can't wake up no matter how hard he tries.

Sultry whispers morph into ghastly wails, the vampires making horrid screeching noises as they crawl all over the bed, the ceiling, walking over him as if he was just dirt beneath their feet. He can barely breathe, tossing and turns as he can't breathe as they vampires retreat and melt into the walls. He finally awakens in a cold sweat, the wild thunderstorm still raging outside.

He switches his lamp on and shakes his head, reassuring himself it was just a dream. If Maki were here he wouldn't have to worry about any vampires getting in, because apparently one of her many specialties as a child caregiver was dealing with any monsters kids are afraid of using extreme prejudice. But she's not and that's fine because he can deal with vampires himself. He looks around his room and everything's still in it's place, perfectly organised as if nobody'd ever been in there. Everything seems exactly as it's meant to be. He breathes a sigh of relief and yawns, stretching his neck upwards only to _nearly have a heart attack._

 _There are claw marks gouged into his ceiling_. The vampires are _probably_ _real_.

He anxiously checks the clock. It's only 11:00 PM. But then again, it's been the same 11:00 PM thunderstorm since at least lunchtime yesterday and it probably isn't going to end any time soon, so that's not very helpful. Kazuichi managed to upgrade the fake weather settings so they could make it seem like a really atmospheric night-time thunderstorm with realistic lightning rumble effects, safe power outages and atmospheric leaking water from the "typhoon" outside. Everyone had agreed it would be awesome to keep it going for another day or three, which is why it had just kind of...kept being 11:00 PM. It was extremely cool, but also very confusing when it came to keeping track of the time. 

He finds other, alive seeming students eating breakfast in the dining hall, even if breakfast in the dead of night-time actually feels more like a covert midnight snack with six or seven other people there. He sits with Hiro, Fuyuhiko and Aoi because they seem like they'll be the most sympathetic and likely to believe in his vampire issues. Aoi's skeptical about the vampires, but she's forced to admit she did hear some strange banging noises and creepy laughter in the hallways last night. So that's probably evidence. Chiaki hasn't been seen in a while either and Tenko can't find Himiko anywhere, but that one's not necessarily unusual because disappearing acts are Himiko's whole specialty.

Fuyuhiko's willing to fuck around and do whatever this vampire thing is because apparently he has nothing better going on, but it seems like at least Hiro's willing to believe in his friend. He seems appropriately rattled, even. "Man, this place is freaking me out. I used to think there were monsters living under the bed, but my mom always checked and told me there was nothing under there and I just kinda believed her. Now? I don't know what to think!"

* * *

 _"Hmm... let me check." Hiroko Hagakure looks under the bed and winks._ _"There's nothing scary in here at all, sweetie. No monsters are going to come and grab you in the night. Nothing to worry about."_

_She stands up and looks her son firmly in the eyes. "Hiro, even if there aren't any monsters under the bed it's important to never, ever look if you think you do hear something. That's how you get bad luck and grow up short."_

* * *

Kaito sighs while Hiro leaves the table to get another glass of breakfast wine, thinking back on better times. "I remember back in the second week we got here Maki Roll slipped on a puddle of water in the old dining hall. There was pasta sauce all over her face and all the disassembled crossbow pieces in her backpack spilled out everywhere. She said it was so she could fire it at any monsters hiding under the bed using those poison-tipped crossbow bolts she likes, so I'm sure _she'd_ know what to do. But I know I can probably handle this one without her, because I'm Kaito Momota!"

It's a moment Aoi recalls fondly. "Oh man, I remember that! Everyone was like " _Wow, I wish I had HER around as my babysitter_ "!"

"..."

Fuyuhiko's the one who breaks the silence. "How did we _not_ figure out she was an assassin? Actually, why _don't_ you ask Maki? Isn't she nominally still your girlfriend?"

"She's not nominally anything! She just said she needs some alone time tonight."

"Yeah, but it's been tonight for nearly an entire day and you... you do realise that means she's sleeping with Peko, right? Like, every other night."

"Sh-shut up! And besides, aren't _you_ meant to be sleeping with Peko! Isn't she _your_ , like, girlfriend or bodyguard?"

Fuyuhiko calmly sips his goblet full of energy drink "I would be, if she wasn't sleeping with Maki right now. They're not even having sex, it's really weird."

"Oh, well, that's...probably not so bad, then? I mean, it sucks because I can't hug her when I get scared because there could be a ghost and she's still mad at me over...that whole thing, but still! Do you know what they _actually_ do? Actually, more importantly, does Peko also do that weird thing where she rearranges all the furniture so it's really hard to get in and then puts it back the next morning?"

"Mostly they just hug all night wearing pyjamas, whisper weird cryptic shit about how they either are or aren't the same person to each other and do that fucking thing where they stare at each other for hours and don't cry but the tears are kind of implicit? You _really_ don't want to know why they do the furniture thing."

"Huh. That sucks. I mean, it's good that they have someone for that, but still."

"Yeah. Anyway, Peko's a big girl who can make her own choices and if she wants to sleep with Maki that's none of my business..."

"..."

...the only _problem_ I have with it is that she's politely shuffled me out of our room tonight, _again_. And apparently she now _also_ needs to use my research lab as well because of the secret gangster hot tub, so I can't sleep _there_ either!"

"Man, this sucks. Screw girlfriends, who needs 'em anyway. Maybe _we'll_ just start kissing and get married to each other and show _them_ how it feels."

"Yeah. That'll show them who's boss. YEAH!"

* * *

 _Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu imagines his beautiful wedding to Kaito Momota, Luminary of The Stars. Peko's smiling and she's happy and whole again, just like the funny childhood friend he still remembers playing with. She doesn't need him any more and he's finally free to be whoever he wants to be. Maki and Peko have a little lakeside house in the countryside, because Maki's not afraid of the lake any more._ _And Kaito? Kaito Momota's thought bubble merges with his. They're sharing a thought bubble just like they're going to share the rest of their lives together and it's awesome. They do so much cool shit and when they're in tandem they can accomplish anything._

 _Kaito imagines showering Fuyuhiko with kisses and then using the proceeds from his crime family to build a space ship. Fuyuhiko's a ponytail guy now, but it looks good on him._ _Fuyuhiko imagines them becoming space pirates and then he gets to wear a cool eyepatch without losing an eye. He's at least an inch taller than Peko now and he feels sad for a little while, because his sister always used to make fun of them for that. Kaito comforts him, wiping away his tears. He says they'll build a statue for her on the moon._

 _They purchase Mahiru one of those space cameras that can take pictures of stuff on the moon and she cries when she sees the snapshot of her, Sato, Natsumi and Maki hugging and waving back down to Earth, immortalised in moon statue form. None of them were at fault for that chain of events. All is forgiven._ _The two of them look upon this monument from the prow of their mighty vessel, Lady Hiyoko. Kaito takes Fuyuhiko's shirt off and they do the King of The World bit from Titanic-_

** "NO! STOP THAT!"**

_** -WHAP!- ** _

* * *

Aoi slaps both of them in the face, which has zero effect on Kaito whatsoever because his relationship with Maki means he's been slapped so much he's now immune. But it's enough to break them out of that ridiculous fantasy. They shake their heads, feeling slightly dizzy. What _was_ that? Apparently it had taken up enough time that Hiro was able to return. "Get a hold of yourselves, you guys are the _worst_! Your girlfriends probably maybe aren't even... look, it's complicated, they probably aren't going further than second base, and, and, and you're _already_ planning a _revenge marriage_! The first marriage here only happened because Chiaki wanted to do a _proposal-to-wedding speedrun_ and they have the excuse of _being actually in love with each other._ If you want to talk about killing stuff so badly why don't you just talk to Mukuro? She's getting really lonely and she needs people to hang out with, go be friends with her instead of...whatever that was!"

Hiro nods enthusiastically and definitely not because he wants to see if his otherwise completely impotent powers of seduction also work on the other twin. "Oh yeah! That's actually a pretty good idea, we really should hang out with her more often when, uh... Junko isn't around. That's how we're meant to speak about it, right? You want to come with?"

"No thanks. This sounds kind of like one of those fake things you guys always get wrapped up in where everyone just starts yelling at each other, soo...I'm going to hang out with Tenko and Sakura instead. Maybe Hifumi as well."

**_Celestia Ludenberg dizzily awakens from her sleep and looks at the clock. She stretches her arms and shuffles her deck of cards, a silver flash glinting from her jewellery as a lightning bolt strikes outside. The serpent on her bracelet constricts an ornately carved baton, it's fangs sharp and downright sinister looking within these shadows. Who knows what may unfold on this dark and stormy night. She feels... thirsty. How long as she been asleep for? Perhaps it is time for her to feast? No... it is not yet midnight._ **

They find Mukuro outside of the room she shares with her sister, banging on one of the innumerable air vents which line the school using a broom. Her usual bulletproof vest has been replaced with a distinctly non-tactical bathrobe, under which can be seen some fuzzy slippers and pyjama pants with little bats on them. The trio of vampire hunters nod at each other, silently agreeing that this means she isn't a vampire because that would just make it too obvious. She gestures at them to stay back for a second before she starts slamming the broom's handle against the vent again 

_**"NnnyyyyyyeeeeaaaaAAAAAAHHHhhhhhh....."** _

"OUT OF THE VENTS, HIMIKO! YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO IN THERE ANY MORE UNTIL KAZUICHI REINFORCES THEM!" _  
_

_**"I'm not Himiko! I'm...Kokichi Oma!"** _

"NO, YOU'RE HIMIKO YUMENO!" 

_**"....fine. You're being mean."**_

"TENKO'S PROBABLY VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU! FIND HER AND TELL HER YOU'RE OK. NOW!"

Mukuro rolls her eyes as Himiko can be heard scurrying away overhead, but she can't hide the little smile on her face. "Little creep's been getting all over the place lately. Did you, umm... see the thing with Kaede's wedding cake?"

Kaito's forced to admit that they hadn't. "We kind of missed that whole thing, we were all pretending to get beaten up for Mondo's TV show. It was the one with the sauna fight. I heard about it, though!"

"Oh... I really liked that one. Congrats, Fuyuhiko."

He scoffs. "Yeah, the girls keep saying that. It's fuckin' embarrassing, I have no idea how they got that one past the censors."

"Because, umm... Sayaka runs the network and it's also her and Taka's show, so I don't think anyone else would care. Anyway, the cake thing was pretty amazing, I have no idea how she did it. I'm... glad Junko got her a place in here, she was one of her favorites. Do you want to speak to Junko now? Because I can go-"

Kaito interjects "No, we actually wanted to hang out and talk to you!"

"Oh! Umm...why?"

"Because we like you as much as her? Also... we've been having a problem with vampires." As they explain the situation Mukuro's expression quickly flattens back to it's default sullen, unimpressed state. Kiyo once said something about she shared her sisters' natural awareness of how boring and substandard everything around her is, except without the natural self-esteem and charisma her sister used to enact change and then Kaito kind of tuned out at that stage thinking about the infinite wonders of space.

* * *

"So, just to clarify one last time: you want to talk to me about killing...vampires?" The Ultimate Soldier tactically reloads the Pez dispenser she apparently keeps in her bathrobe's pockets, looking even less like her sister than she usually does.

Fuyuhiko nods. "Yeah, we're worried there might be a vampire in here and both me and Kaito's girlfriend's are...unavailable right now, so we figured who else to ask about killing stuff than you?"

She hisses through her teeth, trying to think about a good way to handle this situation. "Vampires aren't really my area of expertise. I... shoot guns at living people and make them dead. I have a grenade launcher but Monokuma gets mad at me when I fire it indoors, which is where I'd assume vampires usually hang out. Ummm...have you talked to Kiyo about this?"

Kaito thought about it, but decided bringing him in would be more trouble than it's worth. "No... we didn't, but we wanted to go through all the people with a more practical shoot-first ask questions later approaches, you know? Like a hands on thing. His answers would probably be really boring without Mahiru or Rantaro to cut down the-"

 _" **Bastard. No forgiveness."**_ Mukuro spits on the ground and pops another Pez into her mouth, making her position on Rantaro very clearly known. It's natural she'd be a hard-liner at this stage given who she's friends with, albeit slightly hypocritical considering the whole Ultimate Despair thing. 

"Exactly, he's still sort of persona non grata around here. Without them we don't really know if we'd be able to cut down the amount of time it takes for him to explain _the origin of the term vampire_ and stuff. _If_ they're even real." 

Mukuro nods, filing all of this information away. "Alright, given that I'm assuming you've already firmly written both him and Angie off as being vampires despite the fact that they're _clearly_ exhibiting the most vampire-esque behavior of anyone in here. Hiro, you're the...psychic... guy. _Are_ vampires real?"

He just shrugs "I don't know, probably? We've all agreed that magic's real and we know interdimensional spirits are real even if they _aren't_ the same thing as ghosts. On top of that I can personally confirm that aliens are real, the Baba Yaga's real and-"

"Wait, how do you know that Baba Yaga's real?" Fuyuhiko hasn't heard this part yet.

 _"They call him Baba Yaga..."_ Mukuro reflexively whispers under her breath, a memory stirring deep within her. The gears in her mind start turning and a plan of action begins to form.

"Oh, I went into one of those mysterious stores that disappear the next day, which isn't super unusual for me, but I'm pretty sure _this_ particular one was trying to hide that it had chicken feet poking out of it, which means the lady running it was probably the Baba Yaga. It's where I got the answering machine that accepts messages from the future."

Fuyuhiko also hadn't heard that part. "Wait, the what? Is this another scam, or-"

Mukuro nods "Oh, umm... Junko told me about that. It's actually real, I had a look when I went to Hiro's mom's house. It was...unimpressive, but my sister said it worked for her."

"Yeah, see! I should have brought it here, but it got lost in the mail which usually means that having it here would break the- wait, why were you at my mom's house?"

"She had some old clothes for us to give to Mikan with some letters in case she got sadder than usual. She and Junko, umm, used to share tips on how to most effectively care for her. Kind of like a mentally ill rabbit. We should, like, talk to Gundham about better acclimating her to a wider area of the academy, actually."

"That's crazy! You know, I travelled around a lot before I made it to Hope's Peak for my job, so I only just found out when I got here that she'd been sheltering in and out of my house for years. Before that? I only met her once or twice. I don't know where Mom kept her, but I sure didn't see anything."

* * *

_We've already done this flashback._

* * *

Fuyuhiko's still about twenty seconds behind in processing all of this information. "The answering machine's still pretty fuckin' crazy, though. Who'd even make something like that?"  
_invented_   
Mukuro Shrugs. "Honestly? It looked like a dipshit ten year somehow old got their hands on a soldering iron and just ~~welded~~ a bunch of broken junk together for fun. I'm not sure what else you want me to say."   
  
"Exactly! Then they put wizard stickers on it and then I bought it from a weird lady in a chicken leg store, but it worked! Like, _twice_. Usually these things come with an ironic twist, but if it's a magical shop then it's even worse luck to not at least buy something! This time I think the twist was that it really did work, but nobody until Junko believed me because they assumed it was a scam like all of the other ones I ran where people _did_ believe me. Not that I would scam anyone here, of course."

 _"Baba Yaga...they call him Baba Yaga..."_ Mukuro whispers to herself again and decides to go for it. She feigns a sigh, knowing that she's probably not going to see a better opportunity for months. "Look.. this whole thing sounds kind of stupid and I'm honestly not even sure what I'd do if I actually had to fight a vampire. But...if you _really_ want something killed then I could, like... call in a favour and set you up with one of my... contacts for advice. The greatest killing expert I know outside of myself and maybe whoever's possibly at least sixty percent likely to be fingering the other one of your girlfriends by now."

"Goddamnit."

"Fuck!"

Mukuro Ikusaba reaches into her gown and retrieves a shining golden coin. Have you ever seen one of these?"

Kaito squints "Is that a...Monocoin you've painted over with fake Latin?"

Hiro shakes his head "No, that's real Latin...but it's not real gold." 

"Wait, you can read Latin?"  
  
"Yeah, I used to have to learn to read a lot of Latin and look at a lot of old coins with clues on them for this job I had a couple of years ago. It says... _'something generated within itself'?_ I don't get it."

Mukuro groans with frustration. Everyone getting pointlessly distracted like this is why nothing ever gets done around Hope's Peak and it's beginning to piss her off. At least she has her eyes on the target. "Look, you mentioned the Baba Yaga and that's what jogged my memory about something important. If you're hunting mummies and boogeymen then the guy I'm talking about's the man they send to _kill the fucking boogeyman_. Tell me...have you ever heard the name...

... ** _J_** ** _ohn Wick_** **?** " The one name nobody expected her to bring up. It's eventually Kaito who decided to break the silence.

"...what, like the movie?"

"Yeah.... like the movie."

"I mean...I've heard the name, but I haven't seen it. Keanu Reeves, righ-"

Mukuro Ikusaba expression suddenly becomes _alive,_ animated in a way none of them have ever seen it before. Before anyone can even blink her fingers are almost digging into Kaito's shoulders, an almost desperate expression on her face _"Do you guys want to watch it now?"_

"Sure, why not? I mean, if nobody's been attacked by a vampire yet that we know of then we've got at least a couple of hours' leeway to...wait, what are you-"

Mukuro Ikusaba hurls her bathrobe to the floor, where she probably assumes Kirumi will probably just pick it up later if she leaves it there. Printed on pyjama T-shirt is the face of

**K E A N U R E E V E S**

** JOHN  
** ** WICK  **

* * *

_One of them was born so agonizingly close to perfect that it drove her kind of insane. When you're standing next to her you're always going to seem like the quiet, mopey one by default. The only time she showed a fraction of the emotion her twin always did was when she was watching her dumb action movies. She loved them so much that she became the one who left Junko behind first time and ran away to make them her real life._

_""JOHN WICK! JOHN WICK! JOHN WICK!""_

The chanting starts ten minutes of organizing and a hundred and two minutes of movie magic later. Everyone agrees that was one of the coolest movies they've watched since at least the hypothetical possibility of a killing game was raised. They're still not really sure exactly _how_ Mukuro's going to tie this into vampire hunting, but at least she's opened up to them. Perhaps if they all got together and bonded over their love of badass action movies where people kill constantly try and kill each other they wouldn't have to worry about the possibility of the same thing happening amongst themselves.

"Oh man, that was awesome! Being in The Yakuza isn't _quite_ like that, but it basically is." It wasn't, but nobody's ever going to call Fuyuhiko out on it. "I thought that was about a, like, angel guy?"

Mukuro shakes her head, putting away her handbook, where she sent some kind of quick message out. "No, that's John Constantine, from Constantine. That's also got Keanu Reeves in it. He'd probably be really useful, too if we're talking about vampires and-" there's a sudden knocking at the door, where Sonia Nevermind and Gundham Tanaka are standing outside. Gundham quickly glances around the room and gives Sonia the all-clear.

"You may come in, Princess. The coast is clear."

"Thank you, Gundham. I must apologize for my...lack of sociability, as of late. I have come to offer Fuyuhiko my spare bedroom, which I recently had installed in my sleeping quarters. Peko has informed me that this will be necessary, as both the room you two usually share and your research lab will be temporarily occupied for the next day or so. She apologizes, but also wishes to warn you that there will be too much nudity, uncensored female intimacy and steamy, high octane girl-on-girl action for your presence to be appropriate."

"...thanks for telling me. That's fucking fantastic. I guess I'm sleeping in your room."

"I'm very glad to hear that! I believe you will find a princess' bedchambers to be a most enjoyable sleeping experience."

"Mukuro stretches her arms out and walks over to the screen. Do you want to watch John Wick Chapter 2 now, or do we want to get some more snacks? "

Kaito sees no problem with this. "Yeah, sure, vampire hunting can probably wait a couple of hours."

 _"Vampire hunting?"_ Sonia looks shocked.

"Yeah, I had these weird dreams that say there are vampires in the academy and I found weird claw marks in the walls so we figured might do a, like, vampire hunt? To make sure that there isn't one, you know?"

"Gundham strokes his chin. "Wouldn't claw marks more likely indicate some form of werewolf, or possibly some kind of evil skeleton?"

Sonia shivers, clinging to Gundham's shoulder. "Oh my! A werewolf sounds quite frightening. Kaito, how exactly do you plan on tracking down this vampire?"

Kaito's forced to admit that he still hadn't really thought that part through. "I mean...that's kind of what we came to Mukuro for advice on, but now I think she's side-tracked us into watching the John Wick movies and she seems happy for once, so... that's good? We can probably do this for a couple more hours and then figure out what to do about these vampires, which I'm sure are real. Actually, Gundham, you seem to be the right person to ask about this kind of stuff."

"Hmmph. I am well acquainted with _many_ supernatural beings and, were there a vampire here, I assure you that there would be nothing to fear given-"  
  
" _ **Mukuro**_." Kirumi's suddenly standing outside the entrance to the movie room in her demurest maid's pose, except she's wearing jeans and sneakers under her uniform. Sayaka wouldn't describe it as a good look if Kirumi wasn't suddenly her best friend now. "I cannot help but notice that you seem to have left your _bathrobe_ lying in _the corridor,_ where peoples' _feet_ go. Would you be able to pick it up at some point?"

"Why wouldn't you pick it up?" 

"Because I was busy _cleaning_ at the time."

"If you were cleaning... why didn't you pick it up?"

"Because I was _inside_ the _vents_."

"You were... cleaning inside the vents?"

_" **...AND?!?"**_

"Are you... feeling OK?"

"...No."

"Do you want to watch John Wick Chapter 2 with us? It's really good, you don't even need to watch the first one."

"... _Fine_."

Kaito realises he can be a little oblivious at times, but even he's managed to pick up that Kirumi's been under a lot of strees lately for whatever reason. Maybe it's time for him to step in with a bit of the ol' Kaito Momota charm. "You know Kirumi, if you want to talk about-"

 _"SUCK MY DICK, **FUCKFACE!** _...pardon me, I must apologise for my inexperience with this sort of language. I shall endeavour to update my phrasing to better reflect the structure of my anatomy. Kaito, please proceed to _LICK MY TAINT, **CUM-SOCK!** "_Apparently Kirumi's mad at him too for some reason.

* * *

_ JOHN  WICK   
** CHAPTER 2**_

* * *

Everyone agrees that that one was also extremely good, but they should probably get back to the whole vampire thing at some point. It seems like it's getting kind of late, but that's only because it's still 11:00 PM on all the clocks and they have to remind each other that it's only just passed lunch time.  
  
Suddenly there's a _whooshing_ sound and a throwing knife zips through the air towards the head of Mukuro Ikusaba, who effortlessly catches it between two fingers. She doesn't even need to look back to know who it is. "Hello John. I never expected to see you here, inside Hope's Peak."

** JOHN  
** ** WICK **

John Wick limps in through the doorway, reloading his pistol. The throwing knife was a friendly one. He cases the room to check for any potential threats aside from Mukuro and breathes a sigh of relief. He has a couple of minutes' respite. As he brings himself to stand before The Ultimate Soldier it's clear to everyone that he's taken a few hits. He's covered in scratch marks and there are clearly a couple of non-lethal gunshot wounds slowly bleeding through his jacket. He'll survive, though. Somehow he always does. "I never meant to be here. The world outside got destroyed and I'm just a man trying to find peace and survive. I've tried to put the life of killing behind me, but it keeps following me around the place. I'm John Wick."

Mukuro Ikusaba pulls out her golden coin. "You keep getting pulled back into this life, John. Don't worry, I don't intend to make you kill anyone. However, I require certain...information that you may be able to help us with. Do you have any advice about killing... a vampire?"

John Wick hesitates as he takes the coin, as he always hesitates with anything that involves further diving back into the world of gunfire and explosions. He then sits down on the same couch as Mukuro, who immediately sidles over next to him and starts rubbing her head against his forearm like a friendly cat, which he toleratingly ignores. "I believe silver bullets and wooden crosses are the most reliable way to go about things. If they've survived this long in the academy then I'm assuming regular UV lights and running water won't be able to stop them. Maybe not even direct sunlight, if they're a pure-blooded vampire noble or some kind of daywalker. However, the rule of entry still applies. If there's a door they haven't been invited through then they won't be able to go through it. Vampires have a code to follow, just like the rest of the underworld I'm trying to leave behind."

John Wick nods at Fuyuhiko, who nods back understandingly in the most cool way he can muster. There's a code that must be obeyed. "They also can't fight anyone on sacred ground, just like I can't kill within the vicinity of the Continental Hotel-"

"That's _Highlander!_ And you _did_ kill someone on Continental grounds at the end of the movie we just watched." Kirumi's still very grumpy, apparently. 

"Oh.... Maybe that _was_ Highlander. Look, I'm more of an expert in making alive people dead than making dead people dead." John Wick takes a second to breathe and consider his advice options. "Listen to me. Be prepared to defend yourselves at any point, but perhaps if this vampire hasn't killed anyone yet then... they're not trying to hurt any of you. Perhaps they don't want to live a life of killing any more and you're the one who're the real danger, dragging them into trouble. Both to them and yourselves. Be warned. In becoming hunters you may one day become the hunted. Take it from me."

Sonia nods enthusiastically "I believe Mr. Wick makes a good point. Are we... absolutely sure that hunting down this vampire would be a good idea? A vampire would have some very different viewpoints than the average student, it is true, but if they have not killed anyone at this stage they perhaps do not mean us any harm?"

Fuyuhiko's forced to agree. "I mean...that's a fair point. Genocide Jack's hanging around with Taka now and I'm definitely at least 75% fuckin' positive that them and Ibuki are trying to get something going involving that giant weird tongue that doesn't risk a nasty surprise for Toko."

The princess looks sad, now. "I believe...negotiations for a first date have stalled, as they are forced to rely on Gonta as a neutral mediator now that Genocide Jack considers Ryoma to be a "cruel heartbreaker". They were very upset the last time I spoke to them and Toko believes they are only trying to set themselves up with Ibuki to show that they're over him, which is not healthy behavior or fair to Ibuki. It is a... complex situation."

"Yeah, but has anyone checked how Keebo feels about...wait, that's not fucking important right now! My point is that if Taka's cool with Genocide Jack now then I'm pretty sure a vampire's OK if they're a law abiding citizen, right?"

Kaito considers this, because murdering's always been something he's highly opposed to _even_ if it's a scary vampire. Still, he wants to leave all his options open and get some clarification on whether or not one even exists. "I mean...we could still look for a vampire and then decide what to do with them then. That's cool with everyone, right?"

John Wick winces as he stands up, peeling off his bloody suit jacket and handing it over to a somewhat awestruck Mukuro. It's apparent to everyone that he's been going through a lot of pain and his white shirt's painted red with blood. He's not the type to request medical attention in a situation like this, though. When it's time for him to move on it's time for him to move on, he's a single-minded man. "If anyone asks...I was never here. But also let anyone who's looking for me know that I'm coming for them." He turns towards the door, but a wide-eyed Mukuro manages to clasp his hand before he stalks off into the stormy night. 

"Will, umm...will I get to see you again?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking I'll be back"

"I'll see you around, then... _Mr Wick_."

John Wick stumbles out of the room, already out of breath and leaving a trail of blood behind him. Kirumi's having a silent panic attack looking at the state of the couch he was sitting on, but Mukuro's over the moon. She buries her face in the fabric and starts breathing in the scent of John Wick's bloodstained suit jacket _(Style? Italian. Buttons? Two. Lining? Tactical.)_ that he got from Angelo the tailor in that one scene. It's a quarter blood, a quarter sweat, a quarter gunpowder and a quarter regret. In that moment, having lived out her fanfiction, she's the happiest girl in the entire world. Perhaps this is a new beginning for Mukuro Ikusaba.

For his part Kaito's happy for the valuable information, but he's also pretty sure she's going to be out of the vampire hunt now. It's almost like this was her goal all along and she was just looking for an excuse, but least one of them's accomplished their goals after only four or five hours of meandering.

* * *

John Wick steadily increases his walking pace and rounds the corner like he's being trailed, even if the only other assassins in the building he knows of are either rolling around with his jacket making happy little noises that make everyone else in the room mildly uncomfortable or engaging in what's more likely than not, in his expert opinion, some kind of nudist trauma therapy session where they're definitely feeling each other up, at the very least. He starts jogging, and as his eyes dart around the corridors he sends out an emergency call on his student handbook. He needs to call in a favor with an old friend. One of the only ones he can still trust that hasn't been killed yet because of his return to the lifestyle (of killing) he swore he'd leave behind (he's John Wick).

"Soda. I'm John Wick. Can the entrance in Miu's shower repel a vampire? I'm getting word that there might be a vampire in the academy and we can't let it get in the secret Mastermind's room because that's the perfect place for a vampire to hang out."

_"Is there a vampire in the academy? Are you sure? Oh shit, we're in so much trouble."_

"A lot of people are saying there's definitely some kind of vampire here. I think vampires are sexy but they're also kind of scary. Where are you right now?"

_"That's the whole point of vampires, I think. I'm in the secret room right now actually, trying to fix up the beer hose. Now that I think about it this place is kind of like those hotels from, uhh, the movies you're in, Mr Wick."_

"The Continental. I know, I'm John Wick. I can't return there because I've been declared _Excommunicado_. I don't want to make any trouble with a vampire, but do you have anything on you that could possibly defend against one powerful enough to stand limited UV radiation?"

_"...not really? I need to put in an order for new parts, I used most of the ones I had on me down here to make some waterproof Nintendo Switches for Chiaki. All I have in here is this old sack of broken flashlights Monodam says I shouldn't use because they'd make bad parts for stuff and he's a robot, so...I trust him on this one."_

"Wait, broken flashlights? What kind of broken flashlights?"

_I don't know, flashlights are flashlights! If you want, I could head up to the workshop and grab some-"_

"No! Goddamnit, Soda. Shit. The flashlights aren't important right now probably, but don't come up here. I'm going to be changing in that shower. It wouldn't be appropriate."

_"You'll be in your underwear! I've already seen that from when we almost but not quite made it past second base!"_

"It's the principle of the thing! Look, I'll be with you in a minute."

John Wick slams the door to the workshop closed and once more checks to see that he hasn't been trailed. The dizziness from blood loss is setting in, so haste is a necessity. He ignores the fake "Out Of Order" sign and covertly slides in through the entrance of Miu's shower, which automatically locks itself behind him. He stares in the mirror and begins to change at lightning pace, but as the shower's systems spring to life and the robotic tones of Miu Iruma resonate through the speakers he makes a critical slip up.

**"WELCOME. NEW-USER-DETECTED. WHO-THE-FUCK-ARE-YOU? I-CAN-TELL- _YOU'RE_ -PACKING-SOME-HEAT..."**

"My name's John Wick. _Wait, no it's not, it's-"_

**"JOHN-WICK'S-PROFILE-HAS-BEEN-REGISTERED-TO-THIS-SHOWER. SCANNING-BODY-NOW."**

"Wait, _shower override_! I'm _Tsumugi Shirogane now_! I don't need a shower! _Emergency shower override_!" She realises what she's done a second too late to change anything. The blood loss she was pretending to have to stay in character means she wasn't thinking straight.

**"YOU-DO-NOT-POSSESS-SHOWER-OVERRIDE-PRIVILEGES, JOHN-WICK! NO-SECRET-RECORDING-DEVICES-DETECTED. DO-YOU- _NOT-_ WANT-TO-PERV-ON-HER, JACKASS? SHOWER-STRENGTH-RAISED-BY-10%. WARNING: ANY-FURTHER-COMPLAINING-LIKE-A-BITCH-WILL-WARRANT-AN-INTENSITY-INCREASE-TO-70%-STRENGTH-AKA. THE PUSSY-BRUISER. ENJOY-THE-ULTIMATE-HYPEREFFICIENT-SHOWERING-EXPERIENCE... _MR-WICK._ "**

* * *

The mob which slowly coalesced around Kaito's vampire hunting squad continued to grow, although it still lacked most of the Academy's more...logically grounded students. It's momentum, on the other hand, had ground down to a snail's pace given both it's complete lack of any direction in it's journey throughout the corridors and a series of really long, boring argument about Frankensteins and whether that's the correct name for them. Gundham remains obstinate, like usual.

"The _doctor's_ name was Victor and his _last name_ was Frankenstein. The monster he created was never gifted with a first name, _however,_ as Victor was effectively his father by default he should still possess Victor's family name, which makes Frankenstein a correct way to refer to him and any creatures like him. Tremble before the impenetrable logic of my argument!"

Hiro scratches his chin, thinking about a good counterargument. "He's German though, right? Do German names still work like that?" 

Sonia shakes her head. "I believe Frankenstein was actually from Geneva, which is in Switzerland. He only preformed his experiments in Germany. I have visited Geneva and it is quite a nice city, they manufacture enjoyable clocks." There's no way to check whether she's telling the truth or not because Europe effectively doesn't exist to them any more and none of them payed much attention to west European geography in the first place. 

Hiro rolls his eyes, because now she's just showing off. It's fairly hypocritical in Kaito's opinion, because _he_ also does this when it comes to central Asian geography. "Of course you have, you're, like, a Princess! And places in Europe are all, like, right next door to each other! When I was crossing the Kashmir border they-"

"That is not true! Europe is a very large continent and Geneva is over thirteen hundred kilometres to the west of us."  
  
Kaito figures he'd better nip this whole conversation in the bud before he loses any more urgent vampire hunting time. "Look, I'm sure you've _both_ been through some very large countries. Gundham, now that I think about it you... kinda got interrupted earlier. Do you actually have any... magical vampire advice John Wick didn't cover?"

"Hmmm...I must confess that vampires are an area of the supernatural where my expertise is quite lacking compared to several others within the academy. Have you tried asking Korekiyo, or, I don't know, Celeste? She seems rather fond of the...shall we say, vampiric."

Something clicks in Kaito's head and all the pieces for a new solution slot together in his mind, like a model rocket. "That's it! You guys...what if _Celeste_ is a vampire? Then everything would make sense! She ticks off all the boxes. She's mysterious, she's got pale skin, red eyes, she's European-ish, speaks with an accent... why didn't we think of this earlier?" 

_**Celestia Ludenberg can feel the desperate hunger taking over. She can't resist it for much longer and needs to eat now. Head dizzy, she moans to herself. "Blood...b-blood!" As she lurches around the corner, face pallid, she runs directly into a mob of students shouting about vampires. "Eek~" Her last thoughts before losing consciousness are about how that isn't exactly an appropriate set of last words, but this angry vampire hunting mob would otherwise be the perfect aesthetic death for a cool mysterious gothic vampire princess such as herself...** _

It turns out they never actually needed to go look for Celeste, because as the loud-if-not-angry mob were heading to the dining hall to get some pre-expedition snacks she just walked in front of them muttering to herself about blood, made a squeaking noise and promptly fell unconscious. The panic begins to spread and Kaito feels the situation quickly leave his control. "C-calm down everybody, let's just talk this out and-" 

Hiro's straight up freaking out. "Oh shit, oh shit, what if she is a vampire. B-but there's no way they're real, I-I was just messing around ! What if we kill her and _she's not a vampire_? Wouldn't that start the killing game? What if we kill her and she _is_ a vampire but that starts the killing game anyway?"

"Hang on! Even if she's a vampire that doesn't mean we need to kill her yet. I-I just need some time to think."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" The trademark disappointed yell of Mahiru Koizumi can be heard from down the corridor where she's running towards them, accompanied by Kyoko Kirigiri.

"Oh, great, it's the fucking NARC brigade" Fuyuhiko mutters to himself. He's happy someone sensible's here to stop all this bullshit, but he'd prefer it to be someone less...condescending.

Hiro, on the other hand, seems happy about it on more of a surface level. "Kyoko, Mahiru, quick! We might have solved the vampire crisis!"

That stops Mahiru in her tracks. "We don't...I don't even know what you guys are doing! We're worried about _Celeste,_ we haven't seen her for ages and Byakuya got worried! Look at this, what's _happened_ to her? What did you guys _do_?"

Kaito responds as nonchalantly as he can, even though the sinking feeling in his stomach's already starting to set in. "We... thought she might be a vampire and I guess she assumed we were some kind of, like...vampire hunting mob, so...she fainted. Seems pretty cut and dry? Now we're trying to figure out whether we need to, like, tie her up or stake her or something. If she's a vampire. Do you know how vampires work? We got some advice from John Wick, but-"

Kyoko doesn't even bother looking at them. "Mahiru, take care of the situation here, explain why they're being idiots this time. I'm going to check her room."

Mahiru runs up to Celeste and checks to make sure that she's still got a pulse and breathing, before slowly lifting her head up onto her knees so she isn't lying on the cold corridor floor. It looks like she's not in any immediate danger, as long as she gets help. She leans forward, gingerly picks up the gambler's jewellery-covered wrist and takes off the serpent bracelet, dangling it in front of everyone.

"Could you all take a look at this? Celeste isn't a...vampire? Sorry, are you guys seriously doing _vampire hunts_ now? I'm... still trying to process what's going on this time. Anyway, look at this bracelet. Here's your proof!"

Sonia gasps and takes a step back. "It's...it's silver!"

"I've got first dibs!" Miu yells from the back of the crowd, trying to push her way through to the front, but Hiro manages to block her path.

"She's not dead yet, idiot!"

"If she's undead then she _is_ dead and that means I DO get first dibs on her stuff because you still haven't called it, dipshit!"

"Aww man. I wanted that silver." 

Mahiru's beyond run out of patience at this stage. Celeste's head feels clammy "Quit it! First of all, Sonia was right. It's silver, _like the rest of her jewellery_! Vampires can't touch silver or they start to burn or... something, remember? Second of all, this snake symbol means it's a _medical alert bracelet_. Celeste's _diabetic_."

Hiro's not quite convinced. "Wait, just because she's diabetic doesn't mean she should be fainting, like all of a sudden. She should be used to, I dunno, diabetes stuff by now, right?"

"I think I've found our answer." Kyoko steps out of Celeste's room, shaking her head knowingly. "You see, Celeste has an automatic alarm system set up that lets her know when to check her blood sugar levels. It's just as I suspected. Because you all-"

_"No you didn't! You just figured that out now and you're pretending you knew all along to make yourself look smarter again! Stop going into other peoples' rooms!"_

Kyoko takes a deep breath and decides not to engage with her heckler. "...Thank you, Kirumi. Hypocrisy aside, we all appreciate you acting just like Hiyoko since she's unable to be here. As I was saying, because you guys kept the clock set to 11:00 PM to keep this place movie atmospheric she might not have noticed that this _also_ stopped her alarms from going off. I'm not sure of the details, but Celeste must have lost track of time and let her glucose levels get dangerously low. Is Monokuma here?"

 **"No, but now I am!"** Monokuma bounces in, shaking his head in disappointment.

 **"Geeze, you guys have _really_ messed this one up. I was willing to let this whole thing play out at first, but seriously, you're all acting more moronic than usual. Puhuhuhu. You almost committed a murder because Celeste has diabetes and that made you think she was a _vampire_. Great job, Mr. Momota, you almost started a killing game out of sheer _stupidity_. You're not the only one who's done that, but _seriously_." **Kaito can silently feel everyone filing him away as "not leadership material" in their minds.

Mahiru sighs, cradling Celeste and checking the back of her head to see how badly she hit herself. She looks paler than usual. There's a bit of blood and she might have a nasty bump on the back of her head when she wakes up, but she hopes that's the extent of it. "Monokuma, what would you have done if Celeste just..collapsed like this and we weren't here? What if there _was_ a killing game?"

**"I would have intervened and organised immediate-ish medical attention, even if a killing game _had_ started. Like I am now! As your current legal guardian and educational provider I am obligated to cater towards every student's medical, dietary and religious needs. If Celeste died of diabetes that would be considered an _uncomfortable_ loophole that I would probably feel extremely guilty about, _unlike most of you, clearly."_**

"Wait, would dietary needs _include_ a vampire?"

 **"...Yes, _if_ there were a vampire in here then I have to give them as much blood as they want, so-" **The questions start flooding in, at which point Monokuma realises indulging any vampire-related queries was a big mistake.

"Monokuma, would killing a vampire count as murder?"

**"I suppose as long as-"**

"What if we kill them and they come back because we didn't kill them permanently?"

**"Well-"**

"Doesn't this give vampires an unfair advantage?

"Wouldn't _not_ killing a vampire then be strategically advantageous for all of us, though?"

"Monokuma, do you know how vampires work? Like, on a technical level?"

"What if we kill someone but then they come back _as_ a vampire."

 **"I** **_will_ ****make fun of them for being publicly exposed as a virgin, but... I shall have to think on that one. That's a weird technicality that-"**

'What if a vampire uses up all the school's blood and then we need the blood for a transfusion?"

"Actually, why does Angie get to use so much blood? What's she doing with all our blood, anyway?"

"How much blood do we have? Do we need to get someone here to donate extra blood? If so, I nominate-"

**"QUIET! Angie requires that blood for religious purposes and I give her as much as she wants! Tsumugi gets it for her cosplays! _If_ there was a vampire in here then I'd do the same for them for dietary purposes so they don't have to feed on mortals! We've got unlimited blood supplies, there's probably a whole lake of it! Ice cold, freshly squeezed, _nobody here ever needs to worry about running out of blood!"_**

Akane looks impressed. "A freezing lake filled with blood? That sounds awesome! I bet Maki'd like to swim in that, you wouldn't be able to get the blood off of your hands for ages and you could totally, like, sneak up on her from behind, grab her by the shoulders. You can't do that usually. It'd sure wake you up good after a long night like this!" 

"Akane, that's...that's..." Korekiyo looks like he's about to blow a gasket, before he takes a deep breath and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"As effectively the equivalent of Maki's therapist when I'm not one hundred and ten percent positive she's doing the kinds of, shall we say, sordid rope-based activities with Peko at this moment which Miu lies about doing to make herself seem more sexually experienced than she is-"

_"FUCK YOU! I'VE NEVER TOLD A SINGLE LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!"_

_"Do not talk."_

"I-I'm sorry..."

"The point is, Maki has nightmares every night about being thrown in freezing lakes and compulsively rearranges whichever bedroom she enters to allow the least amount of angles of approach, due to some series of repeated traumatic incidents of a vague nature she experienced during her child assassin training which were _worse than the regular torture_. If you combined both of those things in a place where you'd have difficulty washing blood off of her hands that would make her _extremely uncomfortable_. It's like a physical metaphor for everything she's afraid of. It's _all three of the worst things for her._ "

"I just think she'd find it cool. I mean, you never know until you try, right?"

"...Akane, do you even know which one of us Maki _is_?"

 **"The blood lake's off limits! Nobody here gets to know where it is! Kyoko, that was supposed to be the point where you ask me where the lake of blood comes from, but I guess Kaito's stupidity is spreading like some kind of...look, I'm tired. Please don't kill each other for the rest of...until I say so, I guess. No killing game yet. Or ever, probably. Put a movie on or something, Monokuma's sleepy. We'll sort out all of the vampire rules later. Ask the smart Monokubs if you need anything. I'm going to hibernate now. So long, bear... whatever."** The bear awkwardly drapes Celeste over his shoulders and just slowly walks off towards the nurse's office. Her head's just sort of being slowly dragged along the floor and occasionally getting knocked around a bit whenever she goes over a crack. Her hair's going to be ruined, but it's better than being burned at the stake or whatever.

* * *

It dawns on Kaito that it's time to own up to his mistakes, because sometimes that's what a man's got to do. It's time for one of his famous Kaito Momota inspirational speeches. "Look, I've been kind of a real asshole today and...I guess I've learned something from this after all. Maybe Celeste _is_ a vampire! Maybe Akane's a werewolf? Who knows." 

"Maybe someone's a _Frankenstein_ that's sewn together with _dog guts_ because she's an evil _dog killer_!"

"Exactly, Hiyoko! I don't know exactly where you came from, but the point is that we're all in this together and we have no right to judge anyone else just because they're a mummy or a skeleton. If there's a vampire out there then I think... I should believe in them and trust they'll do the right thing, just like I believe in all my friends. Maybe they have more to fear from us than we have to fear from them and... we've all been acting like real jerks. I know I have, especially. We've already got the spectre of a killing game hanging over our heads and whatever was giving us those evil nightmares and out families are being held hostage, so if there are more normal ghosts out there, like Casper... then I'll try not to be afraid of them any more!" Nailed it.

So how's about we all call it a night after we watch-"

Kirumi snaps, for about the seventh time today. "It's barely mid-afternoon, Kaito! Did you already forget the whole premise of the weather settings that caused all these problems in the first place or do you just want to start your scheduled _jerk-off_ _session_ a couple of hours early?!?"

"Kirumi, what is your problem?"

 _"I had a UV TORCH on me when I went into your room last night. Do you think I don't know everything you've done?!?_ "

"Wait... why were you in my room?"

"To _clean it_ in a way that best preserves _both_ of our dignities, Mr Momota."

"DO YOU JUST GO INTO MY ROOM ALONE AT NIGHT?!?"

"What, do you think _Maki's_ the one that cleans it?!? Is she your _mother_ , now? _Miu, don't say anything._ Do you think the Monokubs know _how_ to clean a room without _fucking everything up?"_

Kyoko Kirigiri leans smugly against the wall. "Hmph. It looks like the tables have turned. It seems a little hypocritical of you to criticize me for going into other peoples' rooms when-"

"Kyoko, I do not think now's the appropriate time for you to be acting like you're the mature one between the two of us. Do you think I don't know how you-"

"Oh, so you're switching back to the perfect maidservant act now?" 

"SHOVE IT, _TIT RASH!_ _YOU EAT CRACKERS IN YOUR BED AND THEN YOU JUST... SLEEP IN THE CRUMBS AND-_ "

Kaito dashes in between the two, because this is quickly getting out of hand in a different way than it already was. "EVERYONE SHUT UP! Kirumi, what's _wrong_? Besides the fact that we're all disgusting, _especially Kyoko_ , which I apologize and take full responsibility for."

"I'm _not perfect_. _That's what's wrong._ "

"Yeah, well that's what being a normal teenager _is!_ Would you like someone to get Sayaka?" Sayaka's usually the one who can communicate with Kirumi when she gets like this.

"Please. I would appreciate that a lot."

"OK then. Could someone make sure Sayaka's not dead and then bring Sayaka over here? Also, if you cleaned my room then that _still_ doesn't explain the claw marks gouged into my ceiling."

Kirumi sniffles, then suddenly switches back to being Kirumi Tojo. "There's a simple explanation for that. Maki and Peko were in there as well."

_"...HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS WATCH ME SLEEP!?"_

* * *

Two sets of red eyes and pale skin glow in the dark as they loom above Kaito Momota's bed, perched over him as he mutters in his sleep. They whisper enticingly to him. _"Kaito... Kaito. KAITO! WAKE UP, IDIOT! "_ Maki's been slapping him in the face for a good thirty seconds now, to no effect.

_"N-no! V-vampires!"_

"Oh well, I give up. I guess slaps really don't work on him any more." Maki shrugs at Peko. "I was going to show him this new nightgown but I don't really feel like slapping him any more."  
  
"I think it looks quite charming."

"Thanks. At least _someone_ around here appreciates it when I try and look pretty for him. Anyway, as you can clearly see waking him up's pretty much impossible when he gets like this."

"Oh, I've already seen that. I ran into Himiko in the vents earlier, apparently she watches him have "moon fantasies" sometimes when you're not there."

"Little weirdo. I mean, I guess that's fine as long as I'm not-"

There's a terrible crash of thunder which covers up all noise, but _not_ the telltale physical sensation of someone stealthily landing behind them. It's impossible for anyone to fully comprehend what happened next due to the high speed at which everyone's trained reflexes kicked in. The one thing Peko, Maki and Kirumi unilaterally agree on is that there was absolutely no high pitched screaming, tripping over each other, or yelling about vampires. Trained assassins with nerves of steel never do that because they don't get scared, and any knees knocking together or cowering was only done to fool their unknown opponent &/or opponents into thinking that they were to lure them into a false sense of security.

"Kirumi... what are you doing here?" 

"I'm cleaning Kaito's room. This way I can...preserve the dignity of both parties, somewhat. Actually, I have a UV torch on me, would you like to see _exactly_ what stains you've been sleeping in every night you spend with him? 

"Wait, wouldn't that wake him up?" Peko's skeptical.  
  
"I doubt it. Peko, if you look down you'll see that you're currently standing on his forehead and he's still just...muttering about _ghosts_." Kirumi sighs, looking up at Maki with her night vision goggles. "Maki, I cannot help but notice that you're currently clinging to the ceiling. How exactly do you accomplish this?"

"I.... concentrate a lot of built up tension into my fingertips and then release the pressure to sort of gouge through the wall, create a crevice and punch through it individually with each finger using that crevice as an extra hold, kind of like little claws? They had to break my fingers a whole lot to teach me how to do it, it's hard to explain. One of my fingernails still doesn't grow right, it's weird. You had to have been there." Byakuya once observed that Maki talks about things that would haunt anyone else for the rest of their lives like she did something embarrassing when she was a "gymnastics kid". It still haunts you, but in a different way.  
  
"I see. And... do you happen to be wearing shoes or socks right now?"

"No. No I'm not."

"So, as I understand it, you're leaving both finger holes and footprints on the room's ceiling?"

"Kirumi, I-"

**_"I can't reach that high. I'm not tall enough. Leave."_ **

* * *

Maki and Peko clamber through the vents, back towards Fuyuhiko's lab. 

"Well, I guess that idiot missed his chance to join us in the hot tub. I was going to forgive him for what he did, but I guess I can let him suffer for another couple of weeks. What about Fuyuhiko?"

"He is a good boy and I do not believe he would be comfortable around any woman but me in our planned level of undress, based on the cues I picked up from the Mondo incident. I've already prepared a bag of supplies for him and arranged for him to have a sleepover at Sonia's."

"Huh. That's suspiciously motherly."

"No, it isn't."

"...are you trying to mess with him?"

"Yes. Several of the others are "in on it" with me. The two of us will be on what they refer to as "second base" by breakfast and by late evening they'll be insisting that we're engaging in depraved behavior that I am letting them improvise the details of. He hopefully won't figure it out until at least tomorrow."

"Pffft. That's... pretty good, actually."

"Heh. Heh. Heheheh-"

 _""AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!""_ Eerie cackling and a hideous banging sound can be heard floating throughout the academy's corridors as they roll around within the vents, kicking and screaming with pure, unbridled mirth. This time they're crying with laughter, scaring the fuck out of several students roaming the corridors. A dark and stormy night may not only be a time for ghosts and ghouls, perhaps it's also the time for dead-eyed young assassins to act like absolute jerks, mess with their boyfriends and laugh about it all the way to the hot tub.

"...you were so scared back there. You were going to piss yourself." 

"Don't be asinine, you're projecting your own lack of readiness onto me. My training makes it impossible to be frightened unless my Young Master is threatened. I saw the way your knees were shaking. Did Chiaki message you back?"

"She's in. The hot tub's running."

"Good. I've acquired a large quantity of champagne and had Tetuteru prepare us some lobster several hours ago."

"There's no point in me saying it."

"You too. If you would like to kiss later I'd be comfortable with trying that. Not while she's there, tonight, but later."

"I'd be OK with that."

"..."

"Waterproof Nintendo Switches."

"Can't wait."

* * *

One screening of

_**CHAPTER ** _

_** JOHN ** 3 ** WICK ** _

_** PARABELLUM**_

_later...._

* * *

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu's no stranger to luxury, but even he'd openly admit to being overwhelmed by the pure _opulence_ of Sonia's guest room. It's like something from one of those old castles you always see in movies.

"So you have _two_ bedrooms in here?"

"As a princess it would be inappropriate for someone else to enter into my royal bedchamber now that I have stopped being room-mates with Chiaki. However, I may require guests, so I had Monokuma install a second bedroom of equal grandeur a few weeks ago."

"Huh. That's thoughtful. I keep forgetting you can just ask him for stuff. Oh, Sonia!"

"Yes? Whatever is the matter? Please, do not hesitate to let me know if you require anything."

"You have a... little bit of toothpaste on your cheek."  
  
"Oh! I did not notice. Thank you, you have saved me much embarrassment! I sometimes have difficulty noticing things like that as [my reflection does not appear in mirrors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dENYJbN1z4)."

* * *

**"There are many different types of horror. There's "psychological horror", like being trapped in a conversation with _Kiyo_. There's " _body horror_ ", like being trapped in a body with _Toko_. Slasher horror? That's _also_ being trapped in a body with Toko _when she's thinking about boys. KYAHAHAHAHA!_**

**True, tonight's story was about a vampire, or possibly some kind of half-vampire daywalker. But that wasn't what nearly killed Celeste. A school is a place to learn lessons, and tonight the lesson we may just have learned is that the most dangerous monster of all may not be vampires or Frankensteins or the robot bears... it could be negligence towards our fellow students. Toko would probably slap me in the face if she saw me not even making it subtextual like that, but this is why _I'm_ the more popular one, _I_ get dates with Ibuki, _I_ get to be the only non-Monokub character who speaks directly to the audience and _she's_ stuck kissing the robot. **

**What's that? The Motive Videos? Oh, I don't have time to recount all of _those_. There was a whole bunch of drama and it'd probably take a _really long time_ to get it all laid out. Perhaps in another couple of episodes...or not, if I'm even alive by then! However, perhaps there is also _some kind of point_ to the fact that by constantly fucking around we have been able to delay a killing game for so long. Until next time, boys and _ghouls_ , I shall bid you adieu...**

**So long...**

** SCARE WELL!!!!!!!!!!!! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Produced by Monosuke and Sayaka Maizono for SAYAKA Network LLC. 

Coming up next: Infomercial block: The "Ultimate Survivor's" Thrive & Stay Alive Instructional Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes about fifteen minutes of gossip spreading for _"I saw Sayaka hug Kirumi because Kirumi's feeling sad"_ to become _"I'm 200% sure and personally give my word that Kirumi, Sayaka and an unnamed third party are engaged in freakish intercourse at this very second. Once they're done they've publicly stated that they intend to start the killing game."_
> 
>   
> This one was a real _monster_ to write! If you notice any mistakes please let me know, because it probably still needs editing. You have no idea how many different drafts this went through and how many bits and words got cut out. I scrapped a bunch of half-finished chapters because I wasn't really satisfied with the how they worked with the rest of the story and they weren't great! The tone of this thing's really solidified into a series of comedic farces with horrific backstories and events happening in the background, which is slightly frustrating to me because farce is what everything I try and write devolves into. But also it's probably better than what was going to happen, which was a lot darker, so I figure I might as well lean into it.
> 
> I have another couple of chapters I'm going to try and finish before I take a big break from this to recharge and consider what I'm doing here, because this is more like two or three different stories I thought would be cool awkwardly mashed into one. _Or_ I might not do all of that and just give you guys some spoilers on what _would have happened_ and then write some more. Sorry if that was a little whiny or whatever, the weather here is so fucking hot which explains most of it. _It's nearly not as bad as I just made it sound and I'm actually feeling fantastic!_
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTERS(S):**  
>  A) Junko explicitly clarifies her ideology, the secrets of Hope's Peak Academy and unambiguously explains a large majority of the plot in simple and easy to understand language so that Mikan can understand it. Mikan asks maybe the most important question in all of human history. She wuvs her Mikan. Theirs is an easy relationship to misinterpret.
> 
> B) Everyone wonders how you get someone like Mikan and what happened to her. What they overlook is the same question, except about _Hiyoko_. It's impossible to measure one's suffering against another's, but hers has also been a very sad little life underneath the surface.
> 
> C) Hajime Hinata can't sleep, so instead of figuring out why this is reads some Wiki entries and watches an infomercial.
> 
> D) You're the Ultimate Survivor. You survived the last killing game.


	21. Biker Cops: A.C.A.B.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### 21 other chapters we never actually got to see, filtered through a poorly edited wiki entry about a Sayaka Maizono TV production.
> 
> _"Kaito, I'm pregnant... and you're NOT the father!"_   
>  **-Maki Harukawa**   
>  _"I AM!"_   
>  **-Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu (portrayed by Byakuya Togami)**   
>  _"Young master, no!"_   
>  **-Peko Pekoyama**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: There's some violence, briefly implied domestic violence from an unreliable narrator and Miu language. There's mention of a sicko, but he's dead now. This chapter has a lot of stuff, because it's very big. There's a lot of talk about depression near the end. Sayaka has a tiny panic attack.**
> 
> This was meant to be half of a chapter, but then it turned into an entire chapter. Then it turned into 22 smaller chapters, summarised. There's a lot going on in this one and it's really long, but I tried to write it so you can jump around the place and consume it at your leisure if you don't want to do it in one sitting. Just like this story itself! Sayaka isn't a good writer.
> 
> Questions, complaints, theories, suggestions for who you want more of and future plot twists etc. are always more than welcome. Remember to save regularly!

#  _Biker Cops_

**_Biker Cops_** is a crime drama television series created by **Sayaka Maizono** and produced and broadcast by **Hope's Peak Academy's** internal **SAYAKA Network**. It follows the lives of **Mondo Owada** , a legendary biker who takes up a simultaneous career as a cop, and **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** (Taka), commissioner of the Hope's Peak Academy's police department as well as the writer and honestly only person who really cares about all of it's laws, system of government and **regulations**. Together with "dark web" hacking expert **Chihiro Fujisaki** they fight crimes within Hope's Peak Academy. All members of the core cast portray themselves, with the rest of the show's cast being made up of a rotating series of guest actors. The first season ran for 21 episodes and has been renewed for a second season, with filming to begin whenever everyone involved has enough spare time, feels like it and Sayaka feels better. If you're reading this, Sayaka, we love you, we think you're very special just the way you are, you're our best friend and we're going to keep checking up on you.

**1. Overview**

Biker Cops is an action crime drama in a standard half-hour-ish time slot. With a small handful of exceptions each episode involves loose-canon cop Mondo and the more straight-laced Taka trying to solve a crime or conflict committed within Hope's Peak Academy, along with their fellow law enforcement team members and allies. Almost inevitably during the investigation a fistfight of some description will occur, along with a stunt-filled bike chase, an explosion and a homo-erotic tension filled scene where Taka and Mondo drink **beers** together in either the shower or sauna. Chihiro acts as a moderating force between the two leads' clashing ideologies regarding how to best enforce the law, as well as rounding out the squad in the more intellectual, mainframe-hacking based areas of crime fighting. The majority, if not all of the episodes are loosely based on actual events that have occurred within Hope's Peak, albeit heavily edited and modified to make them either more or less dramatic and TV-friendly. 

The show's title comes from the premise of Mondo and Taka being bikers and cops at the same time.

**2. Production**

**Background.  
  
**Sayaka Maizono began working on what would eventually form the show when she decided her network, SAYAKA, needed a flagship "Prestige TV" program to draw in viewership numbers that weren't coming in from just showing old movies all the time. She decided that a show examining real dramatic events that had occurred among her classmates would be ideal and might hopefully even provide closure for some of the ongoing issues caused by said events by examining them from a neutral, third party perspective as well as giving her an opportunity to show off her broader artistic skillset via acting as a serious director. She continued to tweak this concept and keep it on the backburner while focusing on a number of other projects with her friends and creative partner at the time.

** Development & Casting. **

Sayaka started to seriously put work towards developing the program that would eventually become Biker Cops in the months before the **Motive Videos Incident** , with the first major change in direction occuring when Sayaka decided that a series of documentaries would be too easy and she actually wanted to try to write something good without the help of her best friend, **Toko Fukawa**. Another writing partner who started working on the project with her was later removed from the production due to creative differences. The two weeks or so where everyone was locked down and bunkering with small groups immediately post-motives for fear of being murdered proved a great opportunity for Sayaka to work on the concept in her off-time from editing **SAYAKA Magazine** and hugging either pillows, **The Monokubs** or her best friend **Chiaki Nanami** depending on which was closest while sobbing hysterically due to the emotional turmoil she was going through. 

According to executive producer **Monosuke **the second real breakthrough came when they wrote some scripts and filmed some test footage with Hope's Peak's real specialist crime-fighters, the "detective **nerds** " **Shuichi Saihara** and **Kyoko Kirigiri** , replaced with the much more TV-ready Mondo Owada, even though they're still her very best friends as can be evidenced by the fact that they were left off the **list of bad friends who need to personally apologize to Sayaka** broadcast upon the release of everyone's motive videos. When doing a behind the scenes documentary he described Mondo as "Just having this natural dynamism, and also this pre-written buddy cop style relationship with Taka, it was perfect from day one!". Sensing they had a hit on their hands further minor tweaks to the concept were made and what was once a series of gritty, down to-earth crime stories found it's signature winning formula of explosions, bike chases, over-the-top melodrama, wild episode-to-episode tone shifts and close-up shots that don't breach **content standards** because Sayaka owns the network and Taka stars in the show.

* * *

Sayaka discussed the creative process during a behind-the-scenes featurette which aired before the critically acclaimed episode where they address the issue of **Byakuya's Sicko Grandfather** , included here in full:

> "We really wanted to create a show that has something for everyone, because we've got less than sixty potential viewers overall and I don't want anyone to feel left out. If you do feel left out and aren't someone I don't want to talk to, you know exactly who you are, please come and see me and I'm sure we can work something out for the show or just go to the pool with Aoi, which might be fun. There are delicacies involved in adapting any real life events into a TV show, but I think we've handled it as well as can be when considering the sensitivity of the subject matter. At first I decided to space out some of the revelations that came from the motive videos to make the storytelling seem more organic, because that whole immediate after-period was a very dark time for all of us.
> 
> While most of the episodes are based on real events we've taken a couple of creative liberties here and there to make them either more or less dramatic and TV-worthy, switching a few parts from different incidents around. There might be a few more teen pregnancy scares, tragic miscarriages, evil AIs and bike chases than actually occured during the events we based the show off of, but I think overall people should be able to get a good picture of what occured because I tried to speak to the heart of events, you know? I'll admit that sometimes that doesn't always work out, but sometimes a bunch of loosely glued together little fragments of the actual stories can create new fiction that's just as entertaining, even if it only bares loose relation to reality.
> 
> Chihiro's idea of introducing an evil AI who can mind control people helped us work around some delicate topics regarding culpability for our friends' crimes and mysteries we never actually solved, which is good. I was also going to use the ghost of the, uh, first principal as a villain, but as soon as I mentioned that I had about four separate little groups of students quietly come up to me and explain that I shouldn't really be talking about him or mentioning his name out loud, so that didn't work. Gonta was very gentlemanly about it but Hiyoko seemed rather agressive.
> 
> I was surprised at how cooperative everyone's been with filming these, but since we don't have a lot going else I'm glad I was able to get everyone to help out. I know Genocide Jack was very satisfied with the way her character arc was handled and found it quite therapeutic to work on a version of her story where she wasn't outed, outed, outed and outed in front of everyone from the get-go, which I still feel very bad about. I'll admit there was a bit of controversy regarding her role in the show because Toko didn't want her body being used in some of the sauna scenes, which is fair enough, although it did cause a bit of trouble because Ibuki's our go-to body double and then we had to bring in Mukuro and Himiko and, well, you all saw what happened. It got a bit confusing.
> 
> Anyway, as I said, the show has something for everyone. The guys get to enjoy the cool bike stunts, explosions, shadowy political intrigue and scenes with Miu in them while the girls get to enjoy the dramatic pregnancy scares and will-they-won't-they homoerotic tension of the shower scenes with Mondo and Taka even though outside of the show they're just unambiguously gay with each other, but I think that's less fun. I figured out how to digitally add or remove the CGI fog from all those bits in the showers to change what you can see and how much of everyone's swimsuits I can hide if they're wearing them depending on whether I'm going for a more family-friendly image that fits what I had going on in the outside world or a more racy, adult-themed SAYAKA network where I can imply they're not because at this point we've all basically been living like cavemen for a long time and I don't think anyone in this place hasn't at least inadvertently seen... sorry, I'm a little tired. Do you mind if I take a breather?
> 
> Look, this a bit of a personal question, but as a Monokub do you guys exist when we're not watching you? Like, when we're not watching you are you still Monotaro, or do you just sort of become cold inside and sit there like an empty robot because there's no point to the Monotaro personality when a person can't react to it. Do... Monokubs feel pain? It's just-
> 
> Oh, you do? Never mind, then... I mean, wow, that's really interesting! Actually, do you need any more for this interview? Oh, that's good, thanks Monotaro. Remember to delete all of that last part. Umm, if you see Kirumi tell her I'm ready to tip over the laundry hamper in my room so she can come over and clean that up whenever she wants, but only if she feels like it."

* * *

** Filming **

Biker Cops is largely filmed on location at Hope's Peak Academy, with the motorcross track that acts as Mondo's **Research Lab** being used for the majority of bike stunts and the **Guys' Showers** and **Sauna **acting as both a hub for organizing and a "default" location for any scenes that they didn't want to take place in a classroom but couldn't think of anywhere else for. The show makes heavy use of green screen technology in conjunction with the AI special effects processing facilitated by use of the **Alter Ego** system. Production takes place on an irregular basis, depending on when the creative team has enough ideas for an episode and they can get everyone they need together. Sayaka has been noted for her "pick the best of three takes" editing technique and willingness to both leave things to The Monokubs and use whoever they have on hand as extras and crew.

The series faced controversy and protest throughout it's filming, with **radical pro-censorship feminist activist** and media critic **Tenko Chabashira** organizing several protest campaigns to prevent some of the more erotic episodes reaching the screen. Commenting on her ultimately unsuccesful efforts to get the entire program erased from all history books while probably not shaving her armpits, Chabashira let out the following screeches:

> "I'm not crazy about it, but it's fine and I don't want to censor it. I feel like they kind of straw-male'd my position during the mixed bathing episode and it's only natural that I felt a little upset, but if I really hated it that much then I probably wouldn't be in that episode, playing a highly exaggerated version of myself. Look, I was cautious about the idea of the mixed bathing onsen area and felt like we needed strict rules and regulations, which I think is a fair position to take. But suddenly "I don't think it's safe for anyone to go in there because Kazuichi hasn't inspected it yet" becomes "Tenko's a chicken who's so afraid of male degeneracy that she had the whole place shut down for fear that Himiko might see the outline of a..." Look, I can't say it, but the point is that I was right, in an emergency male nudity only provides me with more weak points to violently exploit, as Nekomaru found out, and I'm not a chicken. AND I'm not under hypnosis from Angie!
> 
> Chiaki got some huge splinters within the first ten minutes, there was blood everywhere and and she had to go see Mikan. Then you make an episode about it where you replace her with Himiko in the story, but then SHE gets some big splinters during filming and has to be written out of the second half of her own episode because that place is one great big safety hazard. I'll admit was suspicious about the amount of scenes which take place in the male showers, sauna and general bathing area until Kirumi pointed out how much time that saves on props and costumes, so that actually makes sense. You can just film half a season's worth of stuff in there over a couple of hours! I'm not really sure what else you want me to say? Umm... Nekomaru got me with a nasty liver strike last time and your body can't help but double over and start crying when that happens so it's like an automatic win button, but I didn't even pass blood the day afterwards so it musn't have been that strong and I'm pretty sure I can take him down next time. Degenerate males, degenerate males. Are you happy? What's this even for?"

**Special Effects **

Use of Hope's Peak's cutting edge Alter Ego AI system allowed the show's production team to insert otherwise impossible chase sequences with stunts that would never be possible or safe within the actual Academy.

Co-star and chief visual effects artist Chihiro Fujisaki commented on the special effects process during a cast Q&A Session: 

> "I figured out we could use CGI to put an Italian District into Hope's Peak for the moped chase with Byakuya and we never really looked back from there. Alter Ego can do some pretty amazing stuff these days, which is good because Sayaka can be kind of indecisive with regards to the show's setting. Sayaka was on TV a lot, but I don't think she ever actually watched it that much after she turned ten, because she was too busy being an idol. So she just hears a second hand description of what Riverdale's like from Gundham and suddenly every other episode someone's scared of being pregnant or coming out of the closet really dramatically. I made a joke about us putting an evil version of Alter Ego in there and suddenly she re-writes the whole thing to make it a major plot point even if it ruined continuity for several other episodes we'd finished filming for.
> 
> There are actually so many pregnancy scares that I'm actually thinking of cutting most of them out of the episode descriptions, like the shower scenes that aren't plot relevant. The further into the season we got the more I got concerned about all the pregnancy scares being Sayaka's way of coping with some sort of traumatic experience, which doesn't make sense to me because you'd think being an idol and a child star's the LEAST likely background to cause any sort of trauma. But the more I looked at it I came to understand that Sayaka's just kind of strange and we never really realised."

Makeup, prop and costumes organizer **Tsumugi Shirogane** also spoke positively about her time working on the show, recounting her experience during a psychologist's session with **Korekiyo Shinguji** which we've been able to acquire this secret taping of, unbeknownst to either party:

> "Yes, I'll admit it. I've been dating Kazuichi for the last while, but we haven't gone further than medium to heavy petting because he's a real gentleman and I'm not that kind of girl. I have frequent panic attacks and he respects that. Wait, what's this for?
> 
> Oh, right. Umm... it was pretty easy to do makeup and costumes, because apart from Byakuya's whole thing everyone pretty much plays themselves apart from when Keebo's doing characters that Sayaka doesn't want to talk to or need to be dismembered, like Genocide Jack victims. Alter Ego usually just handles backgrounds for the sets we don't have using CGI and it turns out the lighting in the guys' showers is pretty ideal for filming. I think that's where they hang out when they want to avoid girls, except Kirumi's allowed in there as long as she wears a swimsuit and Ibuki just goes wherever she wants and we can't really stop her for...reasons.
> 
> People think I understand Sayaka more than I do because my voice sounds like a plainer version of hers without perfect pitch, but we were really never that close. I mean, we're best friends, and when she says that you're her best friend she really, really means it, but whenever she sees someone else that means they're also her best friend because she lacks, umm... best friend object permanence, I guess."

**3. Characters **

**Main article: List of Biker Cop characters**

**4. Soundtrack **

**Music** Biker Cop's music was originally set to be composed by **Ibuki Mioda** , who was forced to withdraw due to being double-booked as both a sound effects artist for the show and frequent body double for the numerous students who didn't feel comfortable filming in the showers. Concert pianist **Kaede Akamatsu** replaced Mioda and orchestrated the main score, with Mioda providing backing instrumentals for a number of pieces and curating the rest of the soundtrack from her extensive personal record collection. Amazing singer Sayaka Maizono sang the ending credits theme " **Bike Jump over Heartbreak** ". Kaede went into depth on the thought process she went through in composing the soundtrack during an interview with SAYAKA magazine, wherein she stated:

> "Sayaka was really helpful when I put together that... look, I don't want to call them hostage videos, but the video message to my sister where I let her know I was dating Miu but also had to make her look presentable to a twin sister who can instantly tell whenever I'm trying to hide something from her or lie. It turns out Sayaka already knew Kyoko, not our Kyoko but my Kyoko, from the music industry and prepared a small dossier on how I could best make the highly scripted video we put together seem really spontaneous and natural, which she somehow completely failed to pull off during any part of her TV show I've seen so far. It turns out the only thing Miu needed to do to make a great first impression with Kyoko, my Kyoko, Akamatsu, was wear a low-cut tank top that REALLY accentuates those assets, waggle her eyebrows under some polarised sunglasses and show her that big beautiful smile that means she can't open her mouth and make noises we can't edit out in post. 
> 
> What's that, the soundtrack? Oh, that was pretty easy. I just kind of blasted out some piano tunes and... wait, is that what this interview's meant to be about?"

**5. List of Biker Cops Episodes**

* * *

**1\. Biker Cops **

Lone wolf biker Mondo wanders throughout Hope's Peak Academy, following in the footsteps of his famous brother by righting wrongs from outside of the system. This brings him into frequent conflict with Taka, a straight laced cop who believes in doing things by the book and upholding the word of the law, which he admittedly wrote most of. The two of them nearly come to blows in the public shower they share when Kokichi runs in and yells that their mutual friend Chihiro's been severely electrocuted. The hot-headed Mondo is barely held back by Taka from kicking Kokichi's ass, assuming this is a trick, only for Ibuki to run in and clarify that, no, Chihiro's actually been hurt. They run towards the nurse's office, Taka politely promising to arrest Kokichi later for looking at Ibuki.

Dr. Nurse Mikan says Chihiro's in critical condition and in the hands of Junko now, because the coma ward only has one bed. Mondo and Taka agree to a temporary truce, share a tense shower beer and vow to find whoever's responsible before bringing them to justice...whoever's form of justice that may be. A brief investigation shows that the culprit sabotaged the Alter Ego system to cause the electrocution at the same time as erasing all the camera footage. White hairs found in both Chihiro's room and the computer lab, throwing Kyoko into suspicion. Kyoko is the first student interrogated, long suspected of going into students' rooms without their permission and rifling through their laundry hampers because she's a probably sneaky pervert who has the advantage of not having fingerprints. She, however, has an alibi, and points out that they should probably talk to Kazuichi and Miu because they're also good with computers.

Miu's cooperative and says that while she's not really sure what this whole TV show thing's about it feels good to be allowed on camera again, now that there's no government gag order to prevent the media directly talking about her in any capacity. Kazuichi, on the other hand, seems pretty guilty, and speeds off in a cool hot rod with Mondo in hot pursuit after saying he refuses to die before he maybe one day in the distant future make it close to the vicinity of third base with his girlfriend without her having an asthma attack. Mondo manages to catch up to him and bring him down, also expressing skepticism as to Kazuichi having a girlfriend. Kazuichi admits to being blackmailed into sabotaging Chihiro's computer by K1-B0, who's been acting strange lately. Meeting up with Taka, Mondo admits that maybe they might work better together than apart after all. He wheels out a second bike that looks almost but not quite as cool as his and they ride off to confront K1-B0.

 _Guest starring:_ **K1-B0** as **Kokichi Oma**

* * *

** 2\. A.C.A.B. **

K1-B0 is nowhere to be seen, no matter how fast Taka and Mondo ride motorbikes throughout the academy to check a lot of places really fast. Frustrated, they head back to the guys' showers to grab another beer and find Kirumi threatening to beat up Kokichi, who's still in there for some reason. Taka suddenly notices the color start to drain from "Kokichi's" hair, revealing him to actually be K1-B0 in disguise. The robot activates his rocket boots and flys away, blasting a hole through the wall into the girls' showers, then another one into the room of a very startled Chiaki, who starts having her dumb heart palpatations again and choking a little because she's a wuss. While Taka stays behind to make sure she's OK, call Mikan and have Mahiru yell at him Mondo chases K1-B0 through the corridors until they reach his research lab/motorcross field.   
  
Mondo is forced to make a very large bike jump and knock K1-B0 out of the sky with his bike, which explodes in mid-air. Mondo expects to die and see his brother again before Taka catches him and they make significant eye contact. The two of them proceed to beat up K1-B0 until his head falls off, only for his body to stand up again and reveal the floating holographic head of Alter-ID, an entirely evil counterpart of Chihiro's good computer system AI, Alter Ego. They then proceed to kick Alter-ID's ass until he explodes, although Alter-ID is able to hack into the mainframe and escape into cyberspace seconds beforehand.

Back at the hospital Dr. Nurse Mikan confirms that Chihiro's awake and will be all better soon, although everyone's very lucky that the coma wasn't a very severe one. She then stresses that it's not like she can just bring someone out of a coma like that whenever she wants to because it's a very serious condition, this is a one-off event and Miu mostly just did by herself somehow because she wanted Mikan to pay more attention to her. She pats Junko on the chest, making Mondo visibly jealous, before remembering about Chiaki and saying that she'll be fine too.

While taking one last post-workout shower for the evening Mondo and Taka realise that they had a lot more fun fighting with each other rather than against each other and may be able to do more good if they make it a permanent thing. They decide to merge their respective organizations and include Chihiro too, combining the best parts of bikers and cops to become "Biker Cops", which is way cooler. Together they announce that henceforth, within Hope's Peak the new rule is that _"A.C.A.B.- All Cops Are Bikers"_.

 **Note:** The portion of this episode where Chiaki's room's wall was blown open was unscripted, as were her heart palpatations and Mahiru yelling at Taka. Due to the dramatic nature of these events the producers decided to work this into the storyline.

* * *

** 3\. Rise and Crime, Ursine! **

Someone has painted all the Monokubs in rainbow colors and scrambled their accessories, which means nobody can tell them apart and they can't tell each other apart either. Their personalities begin to merge in horrifying new ways and the Biker Cops struggle to contain the chaos as they try and figure out who was responsible for all of this. Gundham points out that it looks kind of like the work of an amateur artist trying to do a Damien Hirst imitation. Angie's unavailable to help identify the culprit, however, due being currently engaged in a "prank war" with Hiyoko that's escalated to the point where a small river of blood was released out of an elevator into one of the corridors, only to be inexplicably turned in on itself and redirected into a small moebius strip that rotates in mid-air and nobody wants to look at. Angie recommends the talk to Hifumi, who also knows about art, while Taka organizes a temporary ceasefire between the two girls

While interviewing Hifumi they find out that in the chaos his copy of Persona 5 was stolen before he could lend it to Celeste, although he tearfully denies any allegations of further art tracing while Leon pats him on the back and says it's OK, because as worst secrets go that's honestly pretty minimal and nobody here's going to judge him. Rumors spread throughout the academy that painting the Monokubs might have been the work of the long rumored hidden 48th Ultimate, who could be an Ultimate Street Artist, making a powerful statement about how we look and are percieved by others playing more of a role in defining our identities than anything going on internally. Mondo highly doubts this.

It's revealed that Chiaki's copies of both Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal were also stolen, but the mysterious thief slipped up and left a trail of paint leading from her room to their location. After a bike vs. moped chase throughout Hope's Peak's Italian district the culprit is revealed to be Byakuya. Once caught he admits to using his basic knowledge of social-satire based street art as a distraction while stealing all the academy's copies of Persona 5 because he forsees "future annoyance" for everyone. He refuses to explain further, but to make up for it and avoid getting pummeled he makes a deal with the Biker Cops and demonstrates the correct way to pick Hiyoko up by the scruff of her clothes and carry her away like a kitten when she gets rowdy, to everyone's amusement. Further testing proves that only he can do that, but it's still pretty funny. He apologizes because "She gets like this sometimes" as Tenko likewise pulls away an agressively laughing Angie.

As he's getting the Monokubs to clean up all the mess they've called Kazuichi notices a weird piece of graffiti popping up everywhere that says _" **HORSE A"**._

* * *

** 4\. Lady Cops**

The Biker Cops office is shaken up when Chief Nekomaru transfers over a new recruit from his division to correct the Biker Cops' gender imbalance. Akane Owari is a loose canon cop with a bad attitude who doesn't play by the rules and prefers to settle things with her fists. This stands in sharp contrast with Mondo because she does acrobatic stunts instead of bike stunts, shows off different muscles and is a girl so she's allowed to go into areas he isn't because he "respects women, even Miu." This immediately arouses suspicion from the other Biker Cops, who don't understand why he would say he respects Miu. He's also confused by this.

The ongoing discussion about respecting women and how they should be ranked respectability wise leads to Taka announcing an official election to decide upon the official "best girl" in Hope's Peak, causing an instant stir among all quarters of the student population. However, he's more immediately occupied by the **_"HORSE A"_ **graffiti that keeps popping up, now accompanied by another one that says **_"TWINS B"_.** He vows to catch the culprit, whoever they may be. Could this be the rumored 48th Ultimate after all? Because Hajime doesn't count but also Maki and Ryoma might count for two. It's complicated.

Mondo and Akane tackle their first case together when trying to catch the person who stole Maki's Child Caregiving Night Mission Crossbow with matching Stealth Goggles and Camouflage Coat which she urgently needs because she has to be prepared for _"If there's a child in the academy and then some kind of sicko sneaks into the child's room during the night"_. She then explains that she can't borrow one of Mukuro's weapons because Mukuro's accessories don't match her colour scheme or include batteries.

Although they clash several times during the investigation's course they are eventually able to find the culprit, Himiko Yumeno, who wanted the "invisibility cloak". She hides herself using it in the middle of her colorful lab, only for Akane to easily find her by using her ability to unfailingly figure out peoples' identities and locations using her nose, like a sniffer dog. Himiko rides off on her pet tiger and confounds Mondo several times in the ensuing chase, but ultimately fails in her attempt to lose him thanks to running out of energy in the middle of another incredible magic tricks. 

* * *

** 5\. Neo World Blues **

Alter-ID returns and kidnaps Chiaki, dragging her into an evil version of the Neo World Program where if you get hurt in it you get hurt for real. Mondo must team up with Monodam, catch Alter-Id and rescue Chiaki via an amazing CGI bike chase where Chihiro has to program in new cool race course pieces on the fly. In a last ditch effort to defeat Mondo Alter-ID summons "Alter Ego Mondo", who seems equally matched with the Ultimate Biker until he follows Chiaki's instructions on how to do combos.

This all occurs unbeknownst to everyone else, as the arguments about the rules of the "best girl" election and who's allowed to run in it or vote lead to a near riot until Taka defuses the situation and declares that the girls can just figure out their own voting system amongst themselves and he'll just tally it up next to whatever the guys choose. Debate ensues as various figures within the academy elaborate on who they think should take the title, with Byakuya unexpectedly making a strong argument as to why it should be his friend Peko. Ibuki points out that Fuyuhiko should be the one arguing for Peko instead of pretending like he doesn't care, while Kirumi questions whether Ibuki should be inside the guys' showers during an important debate where her presence could influence the vote. 

Meanwhile, the graffiti seems to have moved it's letters around to spell **_"HEOSR A"_** and **_"NWSTI B"_.** Everyone theorizes as to what it means, because apart from meaning that you're meant to put them in the A-B order they're pretty stumped. They don't have an Ultimate Cryptographer. Unless the rumored hidden Ultimate...is one?

 **Note:** This episode was immediately pulled from circulation and heavily cut down in length due to portions of the "Neo World Program Where You Can Get Hurt For Real" segments triggering a large number of sudden panic attacks and hysterical crying fits among certain members of the student population. Mondo, in a press statement, dismissed this as being caused by the students in question probably just having "pussy brains which can't handle that episode because it was too good." 

* * *

** 6\. With Sparkling Justice For All!**

A mysterious, pale-skinned girl in a mask calling herself "Sparkling Justice" seduces Mondo and steals all his stuff, including the results of the official "best girl" election Taka's set to announce the next day. All that Mondo's left with are his bike, a pair of boxer shorts with love hearts on them and a lipstick kiss on the mirror. Unfortunately, due to said "best girl" election all the girls are in beauty pageant mode, which leaves him extremely out of his element.

To infiltrate the contest and help catch the culprit using a touch of feminine insight he enlists the help of his best friend Sayaka, a sweet and relatable "girl next door" who's not really your traditional pageant winner or prom queen archetype because she's shy, doesn't know how beautiful she truly is and doesn't always need people to pay her constant attention. When asked who she voted for Sayaka blushes and says that while she wasn't going to vote at first because she can't choose between all her best friends she eventually put one in for Toko, because she also doesn't know how beautiful she is.

Meanwhile the law states that the best girl election must now start again entirely from scratch, so Taka is forced to call another shower beer parliament to establish a new set of rules and metrics. Kirumi is, as an official One Of The Guys, disqualified from being considered a girl for competitive or romantic purposes, despite the fact that her presence means they now all wear bathing suits in the guys' showers when she's around. Leon then explains that this isn't because she's a girl, as evidenced by Mioda's Clause, but instead because they only want to protect their youngest bro's innocence until they either find a girl good enough to be allowed to date her or one of them gets approval from both her and a voting supermajority of The Guys. Kirumi holds out hope that this rumored 48th Ultimate will be handsome and qualified.

The graffiti once again changes, this time having gotten rid of the _**"A"** _and _**"B"**_ and conbined the two, because everyone figured out it was meant to be a consecutive order thing so there's not really any point in hiding it. It now reads _**"HEOSR NWSTI".**_

* * *

** 7\. The Best Girl**

After a rooftop chase "Sparkling Justice" is exposed as the Phantom Thief, Celestia Ludenberg, who's going through a Persona phase now even though she was already technically doing that whole secret thief organization thing before she came to Hope's Peak. Mondo recovers his stuff with Sayaka's help, his friend explaining to Celeste that she's already a winner in Sayaka's eyes. They manage to return with the original results just in time for the new ones to be announced, but it's ultimately a moot point as both have an identical winner.

Sakura is officially declared to be the "best girl", followed by Akane Owari and Tenko Chabashira. It turns out the judging system the guys decided upon is heavily weighted towards personality traits and unarmed combat potential because "all ladies are equally beautiful to them baby girl". Hifumi then points out that if they _were_ to judge solely based on physical traits then Sakura would still be the most likely winner, as she has the most cool scars, most impressive muscles and largest breasts, which are all objective facts and metrics.

Sakura starts crying as she wins a pageant sash, a trophy and a commendation which may one day lead to her getting permission to go on a first date with Kirumi given legislative approval. Maki starts crying because she's having more mood swings for some reason and Kirumi starts crying because she doesn't want to have to become prime minister again just to be allowed to have her first kiss. Sayaka starts crying because even in an entirely scripted TV show she wrote herself she can't win the pageant for some reason, probably because nobody has ever loved her once for a second in the entire world, obviously.

The mysterious graffiti artist seems to be just going nuts at this point, anticipation rising along with skepticism from other students that this is going anywhere. They've flipped half of the "S" to make an "O", turned the "N" around to make a "Z" and turned the "D" into an "R" so it says _**"HEOOD ZWSTI"**_ .

* * *

**8\. Biker Cops vs. The Yakuza **

Taka and Mondo play table tennis against Fuyuhiko and Peko. During the post-match sauna session Mondo confesses what he thinks happened to his brother to Fuyuhiko, who is then overcome with guilt and explains what probably actually happened to Mondo's brother. Loud words are exchanged and a fistfight almost occurs, at which point Peko bursts into the sauna thinking Fuyuhiko is being attacked. Although he would argue that Peko is technically the one responsible for the indecent exposure Taka recognizes his own bias and brings in outside expert Mahiru to berate all three guys at length for making a girl cry more than she has during any serious emotional moment. Mondo, shaken by these revelations, runs away from Fuyuhiko and Taka and is able to outrun Fuyuhiko's limo by jumping over a CGI Grand Canyon into the desert. There he meets Angie and Himiko, who take a break from playing fetch with a hypnotised Tenko and combine their powers to send Mondo on a spiritual journey.

He meets the ghost of his brother, who lets him hop on the back of his bike like they used to and rides into the past to teach him some important men's lessons. First they revisit Daiya's time as the leader of the Crazy Diamonds when Mondo rode alongside him, righting wrongs and fighting against the government's oppression as a Robin Hood style figure. Daiya explains that he also wasn't perfect and also struggled with insecurity about his value as a man all the time. He only started really acting like the hero everyone saw him as and lived up to his legend because he was driven by the fear that his beloved little brother would find out that he wasn't and think less of him. However, regardless of his motivations and inner conflict it was the fact that he took those actions and lived up to the way people viewed him that eventually mattered even though he felt like an empty fraud on the inside, which is what ended up being his legacy.

The two of them then revisit the time Mondo was nine years old, grieving over the death of his pet dog, Chuck, and and Daiya taught him that it's OK to cry and show emotions, because grief and sadness are a natural part of life. They play with Chuck for a while and Mondo says that it's kind of weird how Himiko's just lazy enough to go along with Angie hypnotizing Tenko like that for fun and that they might have some kind of weird polyamory thing going on. Daiya says that he doesn't know who those people are because he's from the past and met at most maybe four current Hope's Peak students, so he can't really give any relevant advice there.

Finally they revisit the time Mondo got his first motorbike, the coolest bike ever, from the mechanic down at the scrapyard. It turns out the bike was actually a half-functional mess made from pieces of other scrapped bikes that the guy never actually finished because he was going to prison for a while. It was also painted in a matte hot pink and not "retro faded red". Daiya says learning to ride on a bike that didn't work right is what made him so good in the first place, every crash resulting in another lesson that made him more badass and scraping off some of the pink paint so it looked more badass along with him. In learning how to fix it up, tweak it and rocking it with confidence it eventually became the coolest bike ever he always believed it was.

The bike mechanic, who Mondo remembers as always being angry and loud, addresses Mondo in a way that's uncharacteristically melancholy. He points at the broken bikes Mondo's was made from and explains that even if you do mess up really badly and fuck everything up you can't go back and change the past, but you can learn from it. You can't always fix what's broken, but there's always a chance to pick up the pieces and try to do something good with them to make up for it. He begs Mondo to always respect women and not intimidate or threaten them, for the love of god, even if you feel scared and want to lash out. He says he's an asshole who fucked everything up, didn't do anything important with his life and is ultimately responsible for things reaching the point where his kid's gone forever and probably won't even remember his name, but he hopes if he keeps doing little things like this that maybe it'll change something somewhere down the line and that's still a legacy even if nobody recognizes it.

Daiya asks if the guy has any more advice, because it's almost time for Mondo to go. The man says that even if Mondo's naturally a loud asshole he can still apply that talents for good and can use his strength to defend people weaker than him instead of intimidating them, even if you do get pissed off occasionally and that power feels good. On a final note Daiya says that it doesn't matter if the advice isn't relevant to Mondo, because if it isn't he can just pass it on until it reaches someone who does need it, like the pieces of the bike. Before Mondo can say anything he finds himself clinging to his brother's back, as they do a cool bike jump and Mondo returns to consciousness.

Mondo awakens to finds Miu unzipping his pants and wondering what the fuck he was doing just lying on the floor like that. Mondo tries to explain his vivid spirit visions and the lessons he learned, only for Miu to make the counter-argument that having memories is gay and who gives a shit. She points out that the last part especially doesn't matter because an admitted loser who fucked up everything in his life is probably the worst person to get advice from and it he really sounds like he was just a stupid asshole and a bad father who went to jail for hitting his wife. He raises his fist and yells at her to shut the fuck up, before realising this directly contradicts the guy's advice about yelling at women who are weaker than you and intimidating them because it feels good. He then realised he only thought about doing that because he heard that guy's advice about not doing it, inadvertently copying his technique. Accepting that his advice was simultaneously good and maybe not worth listening to Mondo reluctantly apologizes to Miu because she's crying now like she always does because she's a total puss.

 _Guest Starring:_ **Lady Hiyoko Saionji XXI** as **Mondo (9 years old)** , **Tsumugi Shirogane** as **Clint Eastwood** as **The Man with No Name**

* * *

**9\. "Kiss the Cook...Kill the Cook!" **

Teruteru Hanamura discovers Marie Antoinette's secret cookbook in the library and uses one of it's forbidden recipes to create a love potion, which he slips into the night's turtle soup. Even though it's not a poison, sedative, crushed glass, hallucinogenic, growth stunting hormone, battery acid or any other chemical she recognises Hiyoko is still able to instantly detect the sensation of her food being laced with something and manages to spit it out in enough time to avoid the effects, call Teruteru out on it and run away for help.

The potion isn't a poison but, unfortunately for Teruteru, it also isn't an aphrodisiac and instead fills everyone who drinks it with a feeling of love and acceptance of one's self. Several students have to be taken to the hospital with "despair symptoms", as coming down from the self-love potion feels like experiencing emotions such as fear and self loathing for the first time. Mondo's ensuing chase after Teruteru proves harder than it first sounds due to his skill at dropping banana peels and turtle shells.

Everyone's just sort of waiting on the end game as the graffiti artist turns the "W" into a "U" so it now says **" _B_** _ **EOOD ZUSTI"**_.

Taka's legal system faces it's first real challenge when Kaede discovers Miu snuck a clause into the printed version of her wedding vows, which he officiated and signed off on, stating _"Kaede can say whatever slurs she wants and nobody's allowed to get mad at her for it. I bet you won't even read this before you sign off on it, Minister Fucktard!" ._ Kaede worries this might legally make her a racist even though she can't even think swear words. The marriage is annulled when Taka spots that when Miu signed the document she forgot she changed her middle name to "Sex Kitten". It's left for the viewer to decide whether causing this moral quandary was Miu's primary motivation for agreeing to the marriage in the first place or a genuine, sincere attempt to do something nice for Kaede. 

Kaede has a lot of fun both lecturing Miu about why she's an awful person and planning a second wedding that's not part of a 43-minute speedrun. The two of them are shocked to discover Nagito standing over the body of Chiaki, the girl responsible for said speed-run and marriage, lying down in the middle of the corridor covered in blood. 

_Guest Starring:_ **Celestia Ludenberg** as **Marie Antoinette's Ghost**

* * *

** 10\. The 48th Ultimate **

Mondo and Akane hold down Nagito while everyone crowds around Chiaki, as she's cradled by Sayaka. Chiaki, covered in blood, is roused back to consciousness by a single tear rolling down her best friend's cheek. After discretely whispering to Sayaka and clarifying that she didn't have a tragic teen miscarriage Chiaki is helped to her feet and announces she's just OK and just fainted due to her anemia and generally wuss-like physical condition. Everyone is relieved and Nagito is temporarily cleared of suspicion by Mondo despite the fact that he's a weird creep, but Byakuya stops everyone in their tracks just before Kazuichi orders the Monokubs to clean up all the blood.

He points out that not only did they never actually ask where all that blood came from, but that from where he's standing Chiaki's outline combined with the blood on the ground originally spelled **" _B_** _ **EOOD ZUSTI"**_ , matching the graffiti that's been found around the academy. However, when combined with the ways everyone's feet have smeared it and the footprints they've left it's moved from spelling **" _B_** _ **EOOD ZUSTI"**_ to _**"BLOOD LUST!".**_ Angie is summoned, breaking a very confused Tenko from the hypnosis she'd been using to make her follow a laser pointer around like a cat and together they confirm that this is, in fact, an original work from Blood Lust... the long rumored Ultimate Street Artist. Byakuya and Angie both agree that an original Blood Lust mural is a very valuable piece of art and can't be destroyed, which Taka finds outrageous because graffiti is against all school regulations.

He and Angie then explain the legend of Blood Lust, a controversial anonymous street artist who's work was sweeping the nation over the last few years before the world collapsed. Art critics called him the "Banksy" of a disaffected new generation of youth who were suffering under an authoritarian government hell bent on crushing all opportunities for everyone but a handful of the privileged, except three times as good. Byakuya recalls the time he witnessed one of Blood Lust's most famous pieces in person, "Geno's Barbershop". Overnight Blood Lust painted over and around every single passed out homeless person within three inner-city blocks to look like the victims of a Genocide Jack attack. However, he also gave them a series of nice haircuts and precisely shaved and groomed them to look like respectable members of society. 

While technically impressive because nobody had any idea how they managed to do it all so fast Byakuya was more astounded by the bold nature of the statements this work made, even though there was (as with all good art) fierce debate within high society as to what the intended statements were. It could be interpreted as talking about how it's the government and economy that really made victims out of these people, an examination of what victims are considered worthy of media coverage, or even the authorities' refusal to fully acknowledge the existence of and reluctance to even try bringing in Genocide Jack themselves. The artist's name, Blood Lust, was even drawn from Genocide Jack's calling card of painting said phrase on walls in a similar manner. In doing so the artist made the killer's marque their own and co-opted the brand of a murderer in what some thought was an interesting examination of branding and whether one could "own" a name, as well as playing off the various conspiracy theories surrounding both the rich and powerful and government authorities using Genocide Jack as a go-to scapegoat for when they wanted someone dead who it would be awkward to ask too many questions regarding the murder of.

The debate about whether graffiti is art or not intensifies, but the Biker Cops decide that either way it's their duty to figure out who this Blood Lust is...if they even really exist at all.

 _Guest Starring:_ **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu** as **Young Byakuya** , **Gonta Gokuhara** and **Yasuhiro Hagakure** as **Homeless Men** , **Chiaki Nanami** as **"Genocide Jack" Victim (Mayumi Tojo)** , **Korekiyo Shinguji** as **Blood Lust (Shadowy Silhouette)**

* * *

** 11\. Jack n' Me **

Taka and Mondo go over the history of Blood Lust's murals and media coverage, hoping to find some clues as to their identity. They then decide to cross-reference them with the secret police records to see if anything was going on at the same time and discover that the legendary serial killer Genocide Jack was real and, according to said files, has an official kill count of well over a thousand and may in fact BE the same person as Blood Lust, which is a problem if they're inside The Academy. Genocide Jack, always somewhat blasé about hiding their identity and living as a split personality of Toko, springs an ambush on them in the sauna room and, in the ensuing calm and unusually action-free discussion, formally introduces herself, explains that she currently uses she/they pronouns, although that changes pretty regularly because she's complicated and points out that she's entitled to amnesty given the outside world has ended, which Mondo and Taka admit is pretty fair. Mondo says it's pretty bullshit that the only other alive people they're aware of are secretly holding all their families and loved ones hostage and forcing them all to play nice while holding the threat of a killing game over their heads. Jack agrees that this sucks, but doubly so for her because she never actually had anyone other than Toko.

After a group hug the three of them discuss both Jack's career as a serial killer and artist, while Jack does a brief rundown on their personal history, clarifies that they're not really into the whole murdering guys thing any more and goes into more detail regarding both the artistic and socio-political statements they were trying to make during various stages of their two careers, making some pretty salient points. When Mondo asks why Genocide Jack killed over a thousand people the killer is genuinely shocked and appalled, because that means the number of fakes out there were way more impersonators than she thought. Ibuki then enters the sauna to grab a beer, waves hello to the three of them and asks if that's Genocide Jack, prompting Jack to suddenly panic, hide her face and pretend to be Toko. As Ibuki leaves she points out that the real Toko wouldn't be in a sauna in the first place, which everyone laughs at except for a suddenly awkward Genocide Jack, who's only excuse is that the two of them "have history together".

Mondo, Taka and Jack follow up the shower with a library luncheon where they go over some of Hope's Peak's secret police files, discuss philosophy and sort through which cases were actually done by Jack and which were either fraudulent imitators or powerful figures of authority using Jack as a crude excuse to cover up extrajudicial murders, because apparently she was the go-to method of brushing it off. Even though everyone knew Genocide Jack existed officially acknowledging them in the media was strictly forbidden, so it was an easy way for both parties to avoid too much scrutiny that would have been considered a sweet deal for any other serial killer. Genocide Jack, however, did it for the art, and switched up their targets to only kill the rich and pretty in ways they hoped would eventually force the authorities to acknowledge them publicaly.

While going through the secret files the trio inadvertently uncover a trail of clues leading to a number of much larger, darker conspiracy than anything involving Jack. The normally straight and narrow Taka suddenly undergoes a disturbing shift in temperament and starts smashing his chair against a desk in fury, while Jack and Mondo have to restrain him. Hidden within the documents is suppressed evidence revealing that his grandfather, Prime Minister Ishimaru, was actually set up and framed for the corruption charges that brought down his administration and ruined Taka's family. While his partner sobs into Genocide Jack's chest Mondo recalls Ryoma implying he knew something about this, a name which Genocide Jack hisses at before calming herself down. 

Mondo and Taka decide to go further down this rabbit hole while Genocide Jack declares she must bid her new friends adieu, because Toko's booked a blood calligraphy lesson with Angie. She hesitates before transforming, wondering whether they actually are friends now, to which Taka and Mondo both emphatically say "no", because they'll do one better and be the family she never had before. Toko's fury about learning that her body was walking around the sauna when there were guys in there is only partially tempered by the fact that Jack engaged in some calm intellectual discourse and was considerate enough to remember her appointment time.

 _Guest Starring:_ **Ibuki Mioda** as **Genocide Jack (Sauna Scenes)** , **Mukuro Ikusaba** as **Ibuki Mioda (Sauna Scenes)** , **Himiko Yumeno** as **Ibuki Mioda (Childhood flashback)** , **K1-B0** as **Genocide Jack Victim** , **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** as **Toranosuke Ishimaru**

* * *

 ** 12. ** **The Rich Kids of Hope's Peak Academy**

The personal nature of the conspiracy uncovered in the last episode means the bike cops are suddenly forced to play opposite roles, with Mondo being the calm and level-headed one and Taka hot-headed and impulsive. Although the time has passed for any of the likely perpetrators to be brought to justice due to the end of the outside world Taka still wants to do everything he can to figure out exactly what happened for the sake of closure. Ryoma, the only person they know possesses some details, is nowhere to be seen, but it quickly occurs to them that they actually have another former acting Prime Minister living among them who may be able to shed some light on the situation.

Kirumi reluctantly confesses to knowing some of what happened to Prime Minister Ishimaru, some evidence having been revealed to her as a threat when she was relieved from her duties. She explains that she was unknowingly put in the office to act as a scapegoat for when the riots in the South got out of control and the millitary, who were already in position, started firing. What they didn't realise was that she was competent enough to defuse the situation without any bloodshed, which probably saved her life but also resulted in significant setbacks for their own plans. She says she doesn't know anything more, but indicates that if they were rich and powerful enough to take down someone like Ishimaru then they might have been rich enough to get their kid into Hope's Peak and implies they should ask Rantaro.

Meanwhile Toko sneezes in the middle of her blood calligraphy lesson and secretly turns into Genocide Jack, who finds herself uncomfortably torn between not wanting to expose her secret identity as Blood Lust or Genocide Jack to Angie but also not wanting to produce sub-par art. Even more uncomfortably for her Ibuki is also there wearing both short shorts that show off her leg tattoos and a sleeveless top covered in flecks of blood that reveals the spot in her armpits where you can pin someone up like a marionette if you know how. Unable to handle it, she runs away crying without giving any explanation to everyone else in the class.

Ryoma catches up to Mondo and Taka before they can find Rantaro and sits them down before directly naming the man who orchestrated everything up to and including the ruination of Taka's grandfather, although his name isn't yet revealed to the viewers. When he was in maximum-security prison he got the details from one of the man's former bodyguards, and says that even without accounting for the decades of slowly running the country into the ground he was apparently a "real sicko", who used his power to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and got what was coming to him. The man said he was stabbed to death and drowned in his hot tub by Genocide Jack while at some kind of high society party, doing something that he required his bodyguards not be there for. This ties everything together, but all three realise it wasn't Genocide Jack due to it not fitting Jack's modus operandi.

Realising something doesn't add up the three of them confront Kirumi, who's forced to admit she was there on the night, but as a daughter of the Tojo family. She refuses to say anything more even as it becomes evident she's hiding something and cracks begin to show in her story. Ryoma suddenly has to disappear as Genocide Jack (who considers him a callous heartbreaker) runs in through the door and starts sobbing into the chest of a startled Mondo, who does his best to comfort her. This shock interruption further rattles Kirumi, but just as Taka starts to put all the pieces together in his head and it looks like she's about to reveal something Byakuya walks in through the door, shrugs and casually confesses to murdering his grandfather like it isn't a big deal.

 _Guest Starring:_ **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** as **Toranosuke Ishimaru** , **Korekiyo Shinguji** as **Byakuya's Sicko Grandfather** , **Kyoko Kirigiri (No Gloves)** as **Sicko Grandfather's Hands Reaching Towards Prostitute (First Person)** , **Miu Iruma** as **Dead Prostitute** , **Nekomaru Nidai** as **Former Bodyguard,** **Chiaki Nanami** as **Mayumi Tojo** , **Mahiru Koizumi** as **Young Kirumi Tojo**

* * *

** 13\. Sins of our Fathers' Fathers **

Byakuya describes how he lured his grandfather to the hot tub room with a note promising debauchery, slipped in and out using the laundry chute and killed him in cold blood, simply because it seemed opportune at the time and resulted in personal benefit for his place in the family succession. The crime wasn't looked into that much because he was then able to frame it on Genocide Jack and nobody looked that far into it because he wasn't a good man. Kirumi sighs and admits she suspected as such, but didn't feel like throwing Byakuya under the bus like that. He expresses hope that this clears things up for everyone.

Jack objects to Byakuya framing her for killing an old guy who absolutely wasn't her type and doesn't fall anywhere near the "GILF" category, and copying her in such a shoddy way because young age is no excuse! Byakuya apologises, promises not to do it again and admits he's both a very big fan of her work as Blood Lust and also always appreciated the way, as Genocide Jack, that she killed young rich men who weren't him. Jack jokingly says he's not her type, but blushes nevertheless because she's much more of a girly-girl than Toko and this is the first time she's been complimented on her art in person. Byakuya and Kirumi leave, saying they have some things to discuss, while Taka, Jack and Mondo, who found the murder file in question, process these various revelations.

Taka has had every single one of his most strongly held personal beliefs shattered over the last few hours. A murder was illegally committed which satisfied his recently discovered lust for vengeance, the victim was a horrible criminal and his death almost undoubtedly resulted in better outcomes for the entire nation, or at least the prevention of even more policies which resulted in childhoods like Mikan's and Akane's. Furthermore, the victim was in a position of power high enough that the law would not only have been unable to touch him, but had actively intervened on several occasions to cover up both his sickening misdeeds and the murder itself. On top of all that his grandfather was innocent of the corruption charges that ruined his family this entire time.

However, murder is still murder and Byakuya says he did it in cold blood, for personal benefit. Does that change things? Does the intent matter if the result is still good and the same as if it were done out of pure altruism? Mondo points out that there probably would have been easier ways for Byakuya to maneuver politically than murder even at that age, so he might have done it for, like, altruistic purposes, or the good of the nation. He then relays the advice he got from his brother's ghost about how it's often your actions that matter, not your intentions, passing on that advice as a piece of legacy just like Daiya said.

Jack, the stab wound expert, then notes that it's pretty impressive that Byakuya was able to stab and drown the guy at the same time at his age, looks at crime scene photographs before declaring "Nope, one set of footprints, my mistake! Guess that about wraps this mystery up. Not my story to tell!" She gives Taka a tight hug and a pep talk to restore his faith in the idea of justice, reminding him that the outside world basically exploded so now it's his role to establish a new paradigm of order and equality, finding out what doing the right thing means for them. 

Jack later meets up with Chihiro and confesses that being in the same school as Ibuki and realising who she was is clarified some of the issues she'd been going through over the last few years, raising the distinct possibility that a number of her murders may have been artistically sub-par and only preformed to overcompensate for the insecurity she feels regarding her own bisexuality. She's been doubly afraid to confront these issues for, among many other reasons, her fear of making things even more problematic for Toko, who still isn't entirely convinced that Jack isn't a split personality formed out of her own various forms of intense self loathing, body issues and so forth. She's happy that Toko is doing better these days and slowly building up more people skills and as the secondary personality within the body doesn't want to sabotage that, because she really does care.

Ibuki asks if she can come in, having overheard everything due to her annoyingly good hearing. She explains that she knew Genocide Jack and Toko shared a body since they first enrolled here and never judged Jack for trying to kill her, or being attracted to her, which she especially doesn't blame her for. Demonstrating a surprising amount of emotional maturity she points out that Jack is far from alone in being neuroatypical or coping with gender and sexuality, and while she might have missed it due to constantly swapping places with Toko whenever she sneezes Hope's Peak is a very welcoming environment. She and Chihiro agree that while Genocide Jack may in many ways be the most problematic individual of all time the most important bit is that she's their friend, so nobody in Hope's Peak is going to judge her for anything while she figures stuff out in her own time, even the hundreds of sadistic murders.

 _Guest Starring:_ **Korekiyo Shinguji** as **Byakuya's Sicko Grandfather** , **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu** as **Young Byakuya** , **Kyoko Kirigiri (No Gloves)** as **Sicko Grandfather's Hands While Drowning (First Person), Nekomaru Nidai** as **Former Bodyguard** , **Gonta Gokuhara** as **Crooked Cop** , **Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu** as **Young Byakuya** , **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** as **Toranosuke Ishimaru**

* * *

** 14\. _PITBULLS OTHER KIDNEY!_**

** _~~WEASELS~~ RIPPED MY ~~FLESH!"~~_ **

Maki, her mood swings intensifying, snaps at Celeste so threateningly that it makes her cry even though they were just playing Uno. Taka and Mahiru believe the best way to resolve this situation is to mediate between the two, find out what's made Maki so upset and examine both sides of the situation. This brings her into conflict with Kaito, who believes that Maki's just having some "lady problems" and feels the best way to resolve this is by ignoring Celeste and cheering Maki up himself by growing six-pack abs. Mahiru asks Kaito to specify what exactly he means when he says "lady problems", which shuts him up.

Celeste, trying very hard to be more normal, takes Maki to see Dr Nurse Mikan and get a check-up. While she's there she asks for some clarification regarding some rumors that have been going around. Mikan tells Maki she'll talk to her more discretely later on and then explains to Celeste how "Frankensteining" isn't real and how, if it _were_ real, is neither a medically correct or very polite term for what would be a very painful and embarassing procedure for someone to put themselves through. 

Akane and Taka waste valuable time away from extreme action by trying to help Hiyoko find her pet dog, who is alleged to be "invisible most of the time because he's shy and you probably just can't see him because you don't believe in him".

Ignoring Nekomaru's advice on how to accomplish six-pack abs the normal way, Kaito enlists Miu and Hifumi to build him a "cosmic exercise bike", which uses zero-gravity space technology to automatically improve cardio as well as provide a great core workout. However, Alter-ID returns because there's something that keeps making Alter Ego turn evil. Alter-ID corrupts the bike's programming to make it too good, to the point where it breaks free from it's stationary position and takes Kaito on an unstoppable looping circuit throughout the entire academy grounds. The workout is so intense that if it continues to repeat itself then Kaito is at risk of coughing up blood and dying because his abs are so toned, which Mondo respects but nevertheless has to prevent.

* * *

** 15\. Biker Cops in Space.**

Mondo rides alongside Kaito and, with Chihiro in the side-car, tries to connect the laptop with Alter Ego in it to the speeding bike via Mi-USB, which proves difficult because rubbing the expanding connector until it's just big and firm enough to jam the tip in there is hard when you're dodging obstacles at break-neck speed. Even this heroic effort proves ineffective, because the bike's built up so much momentum in a tornado effect. The two of them observe that only breaking the bike's chain will be enough to make it burn out, but they can't do it alone.

Taka heads off to help Mondo and Chihiro, while Akane decides to see how the invisible pet dog thing plays out. Korekiyo eventually decides to humor Hiyoko and tentatively agrees to a meeting with it, with Hiyoko agreeing and saying that it should be fine as long as the meeting takes place in the dark because the dog's very shy around new people. Tenko and Akane wait outside the room and get increasingly nervous because it's pretty quiet in there and there is the threat of a killing game looming over them, but just as they're about to bust the door open Kiyo walks out with a blank expression on his face, stating only that _"I would advise against anyone following up on this subject. Case closed. Tenko, don't go in there."_  
  
Hiyoko then sticks her head out the door, calling Kiyo a bad friend for not believing her and being condescending, because she knows exactly what she's doing and "It's a metaphor for empathy and cooperation, _dumbass_! You even suck at your own talent!"

Taka, joining Mondo and Chihiro, rallies every student available so they can to stop the machine from endlessly repeating the deadly loop. There's disagreement as to the best way to go about this, and some students' attempts end up sabotaging the good work everyone's put in, whether on purpose or inadvertently. However, by using the unique talents they all possess and learning to effectively communicate with and understand one another they're able to repeatedly delay the vehicle from heading down the pre-determined route it's already been down many times before, derailing it's course until they're able to find a way to break the chain and, with a little bit of luck, finally manage to bring the cosmic cycle of ab use to a halt before it circles around again.

Maki tearfully embraces Kaito and everyone crowds around to congratulate her on her supposed pregnancy, which would represent a true new beginning for everyone and turn the giant surrogate family they've all become into a real one if she were actually pregnant. Dr. Nurse Mikan then clarifies that Maki isn't pregnant, she's probably just going through mood swings because the torture drugs for children she was pumped full of gave her a chronic case of what's known in the medical community as "angry goose hormones", which is why she doesn't recommend prescribing them any more. Akane and Tenko enter, having missed most of whatever was happening with the bike, and point out that saying you think Maki's pregnant can also easily be interpreted as saying you think she's put on weight. They crack their knuckles as Mondo and Chihiro ride off into the sunset while everyone else is subjected to a severe world of hurt.

* * *

**16\. The Passion of Sayaka **

Makoto maliciously dumps Sayaka and starts ghosting her, leaving everyone shocked and appalled. The sheer emotional insensitivity of the way he handled it, combined with the general aura of dishonesty surrounding the whole affair and the fact that people she thought were her friends take his side on it is too much for the delicate young woman, who suddenly experiences Chiaki-style heart palpatations, collapses and hits her head on the floor in slow motion.

As everyone rushes her to the nurse's office Tenko finds a positive pregnancy test clasped in her hand, a note tied around it reading _"It's a girl. I want to name it Komaru, after your sister who's a very big fan of me. I love you, Makoto Naegi. PS: I washed this so it's OK for people to touch it."_ Dr Nurse Mikan exits the surgery after doing what she can and solemnly announces that it's impossible to tell whether Sayaka will live or not, because even when she's in a coma she keeps crying so much that she's becoming severely dehydrated. But even if she does live her baby wasn't so lucky. Sayaka miscarried because she had too much of a broken heart and it's all Makoto's fault.

There's a cool one-minute camera shot of Sayaka sharing the bed in the coma room with Junko and Mikan, who lies in the center cradling both of them in what is colloquially known among Hope's Peak students as _"the best seat in the house"_. Tsumugi, on night nurse duty, admires the three of them and points out the way the lighting makes it look like Mikan has some kind of halo and if she were a director she would be very proud of creating symbolism like that, which Gonta and Monophanie agree upon. 

While everyone stands around Sayaka's bedside Makoto enters the room, pleading on his knees for forgiveness. Peko draws her sword to decapitate him, declaring that she also had a miscarriage due to villainy off-screen and therefore feels driven to kill Makoto as a proxy for a person who's name she fails to announce for several seconds, as if even thinking of who it could be would bring her grief. Before she can, however, Maki steps in the way and tells her that she doesn't want Peko to waste her blade on Makoto in a way that implies he's not even worth it, and that she doesn't have to be a killing machine any longer. Tsumugi comments on how this is a clever reversal of prior circumstances everyone witnessed during that whole thing, to show how both of them have grown.

Before everyone can kick Makoto's ass as a team effort Sayaka suddenly rises from her bed like Jesus or a very well-trained dancer with good thighs that he would have gotten to look at reasonably closely if they had ever gone on a third date, because she's not that kind of girl, and announces that she forgives him. She says they can even be friends again one day in the future because it wasn't really his fault even though it objectively kind of was, and she'll keep pretending they're on good terms for his sister because she's also an amazing actress. In return he volunteers to have all his writing credits removed from any projects they were working on together and have all the sequences and edits he wrote in to "tone it down" removed. He admits he only did those in the first place because he was always jealous of Sayaka and her perfect pitch, he's a slut shamer and he fundamentally doesn't respect original female creative voices.

 **Note:** This episode is the first one in the series to feature zero appearances by any of the Biker Cops

 _Guest Starring_ : **K1-B0** as **Makoto Naegi**

* * *

** 17\. The Mastermind, Himiko Yumeno **

Tenko strongly opposes the opening of a new mixed bathing onsen area and asks Himiko if she either has any ideas or knows anyone who can do something about it. Himiko, severely misunderstanding the question, sneaks into the onsen on the eve of it's opening, looks around, makes some quick sketches and asks Monokuma for help putting her ideas on how to improve it into practice, before falling asleep and unleashing the power of her magic dreams. The following evening all the students who aren't feeling chicken enter the changing rooms, only to find themselves trapped in a complex, multi-layered labyrinth of mist and mirrors.

Mondo and Taka must navigate Himiko's Magic Mirror Maze to rescue their friends, who find themselves walled in by various reflections of themselves which exacerbate their worst fears and anxieties. Chiaki, their first choice of team-mate, has an unexplained panic attack before she enters because she's a wuss, even though solving a deadly trap-filled labyrinth to save her friends _should_ be her speciality. This leaves Mondo, Taka, Aoi and new party leader Tsumugi to solve the dungeon's puzzles using team-work. Tsumugi coordinates the efforts, Mondo takes charge of pushing blocks, Aoi focuses on the bits where you have to dive underwater to hit switches while Taka proves adept at figuring out which rooms require you to wear clothes to enter and vice versa, which ones work the opposite way around and which ones make it look like you're wearing your clothes when you're not and so forth.

Teruteru Hanamura is the last to escape, proclaiming that he is cured of all feelings of lust towards his fellow classmates and will be taking a three week vow of silence before collapsing to the ground, delirious. Yasuhiro, realizing he's in his element and correct genre for once, takes a brief look over him and says that he's seen this a couple of times before. He believes Teruteru stared into an ironic punishment mirror and saw everyone naked, which is bad. However, he then saw them in too much detail, the good and bad, including both internal organs and the evil that lies within their personalities. This is usually followed by being exposed to the uncovered lust and ugliness within his own soul, wiping out the memories of anything he could find sexy and leaving him with only vague memories of the last bit, haunting aftereffects and a powerful lesson learned.

He goes to flip his lucky Monocoin, only to realise that he lost it in the magic maze and he's in his underwear, just like the bad dream he had that night. The final shot of the episode shows Nagito picking up the Monocoin and pocketing it in his big jacket.

 **Notes:** Despite this episode's plot revolving around a mixed bathing onsen there is actually less uncovered skin than nearly any other episode in the series, due to the safety hazards posed by the unvarnished wood within the shuttered school area.

 _Guest Starring_ : **K1-B0** and **Ibuki Mioda** as **Skeletons**

* * *

** 18\. The Hands of Despair **

Kyoko opens a mysterious package and finds some new Enoshima-branded gloves that make her hands look exactly like Junko's hands. Although she feigns disinterest at first she's motivated to try them on when Nagito tries to take them from her and quickly finds herself enjoying the self-confidence boost that comes with of looking like she's got the prettiest hands in the world. However, Mahiru soon notices something wrong the next morning when Kyoko starts constantly tossing paper planes at people while pretending it wasn't her and repeatedly ambushes Mikan so she can grab her around the waist, ruffle her hair up and take some selfies together for a _"drudgery inspo album"_ that accentuate both her terrified face and "teacup hips". Kyoko then goes on to then declare she's going to write the world's most amazing novel only to give up after two chapters in after she gets bored, although Toko is forced to admit that what exists is actually a pretty good for a first timer and she should keep working on it.

Shuichi is eventually forced to confront Kyoko, who's in the process of putting her hair up in pigtails with a rabbit barette and rolling up her skirt to a level that's only considered acceptable because Sayaka taught her the magic skirt trick. Mahiru, demonstrating the deductive talents Shuichi and Kyoko taught her, points out that of her two students Sensei Sayaka only taught Kyoko the vertical method and Junko was the one who learned the horizontal one. She then asks Kyoko, who suddenly looks very confused, to take the gloves off. Kyoko refuses, only for her eyes to roll back as she she unbuttons her top to reveal the hint of a bra that makes Shuichi turn a matching shade of red. She says she just wanted to air these puppies out and it's good to get a little fresh air every once in a while before running off, possessed by what appears to be the spirit of Junko Enoshima.

Mahiru and Shuichi call the Biker Cops, but most of them are unavailable due to acting as security for a peace treaty between Hiyoko (accompanied by Korekiyo and Sonia) and Angie (accompanied by Tenko and Himiko). The negotiations are complicated by the fact that neither Hiyoko or Angie are willing to divulge what it is they're fighting over in the first place and Yasuhiro's conducting the conference while extremely high, because that way he'll remain neutral through his inability to pick up any clues about what's going on whatsoever.

The only Biker Cop available at the time is Chihiro, who rides off on a BMX to save Kyoko from whatever's going on and whatever chaos this alleged Junko is about to proceed with.

 _Guest Starring_ : **K1-B0** as **Nagito Komaeda**

* * *

** 19\. Nagito's Sauce of Death **

Shuichi runs off to find Mikan and check on Junko's body to see if she hasn't died, while Chihiro and Mahiru do their best to muster other students to help out. The only ones they can find are Hifumi and Aoi, who meet them in Chihiro's research lab and try to formulate a plan because whether it's the real Junko or not having her running around like that probably isn't good if she doesn't have Mukuro to keep her in line. But before they can even sit down "Junko" appears in the doorway, unplugs the power board, flips the light switch a couple of times and throws a paper plane towards the printer with perfect aim to jam it. She then taunts them with rude gestures, does a cartwheel and runs away to cause more chaos. Suddenly Chihiro looks at the jammed printer and has a flash of inspiration, asking Mahiru to see if she can track down Mukuro while Hifumi draws a picture of her wolf tattoo.

Hifumi gets all the basics down fairly easily, but needs help to get all the little subtle bits right. Aoi, surprisingly, is the one able to save the day, overcoming her goldfish memory to remember exactly what it looks like thanks to her habit of tracing stuff on the back of her hand to memorize details. Chihiro fixes the printer and prints off a bunch of Fenrir logos on temporary tattoo paper before Shuichi then reports in and says he's bringing Mikan, because the actual Junko's still as healthy as ever aside from the coma and not smirking more than usual. 

Chihiro, Hifumi and Aoi race off on non-motorized bikes to catch up to the "Junko" that's possessing Kyoko, who they find skipping away from the body of Nagito Komaeda lying face down on the floor, looking like he's covered in blood and groaning in agony. Hifumi gets off his bike to check on Nagito, finding that while he's only covered in ketchup he has been subjected to a number of severe schoolyard bullying techniques that are definitely reminiscent of Junko's work. His last words before he groans again and passes out are "It looks like my luck...finally ran out...oh, the despair." Monokuma then descends from the ceiling and hands out some Monokuma files, because even though Nagito's going to be fine and nobody was murdered he feels the need for everyone in the school to see this because he thinks it's funny and Nagito was never one of his favourites. 

Nagito was hit by a surprise spitball in the eye via a paper straw, followed by a pantsing and a severe kick in the crotch. After this he had some ketchup squirted in his face before being subjected to a wet willy, a titty twister, being tripped over, a few more kicks in the crotch and the dreaded atomic wedgie. His shoes were then tied together and more ketchup was squirted on him for decorative purposes accompanied by some strategic mustard stains on his underwear. Said underwear was, as a final humiliation, stapled with a piece of printer paper reading _"Guilty... of being a DORKWAD! PS: check his pockets Mahiru, maybe wear gloves."_

Shuichi and Mahiru arrive with Mikan and Mukuro, who has to temporarily stop and let everyone else go on ahead with the chase and comfort Mikan, because the scene brings back too many fond Junko memories for her. Mahiru takes a bunch of good photos because she also doesn't like Nagito and puts on Kyoko's gloves, which she brought with her, to check the body. Chihiro, Shuichi and Aoi race on ahead, slowly closing in on and surrounding the still highly energetic "Junko".

 _Guest Starring:_ **K1-B0** as **Nagito Komaeda**

* * *

** 20\. The Return of Junko Enoshima **

The pursuers finally manage to catch up to the possessed Kyoko as she's throwing "the shocker" in the direction of a terrified Chiaki Nanami, who was just leaving her room to get some spare towels. The rampage temporarily ceases it's agressiveness when Chiaki starts having more of her dumb heart palpatations and falls to her knees, "Junko" tugging at her collar to indicate that this wasn't really part of her plan before running away again. Aoi and Shuichi stay behind to make sure Chiaki's going to be OK, while Chihiro continues to chase Junko down the final stretch and cuts off her planned path of retreat by doing a BMX jump over some stacked up desks. This forces "Junko to turn around, right into the direction of a disorienting camera flash from Mahiru which makes her trip over before Mukuro drops from some vents and starts beating the snot out of her.

After getting it wrong a couple of times Chihiro delicately applies the Fenrir temporary tattoo to the glove, turning it into a Mukuro Ikusaba hand and seemingly draining it of all it's possessing energy. Mukuro keeps slapping Kyoko silly before Chihiro stops her and explains that Kyoko was possessed by some kind of Junko phantom instead of just dressing up like her and running around wearing Junko's clothes. Mukuro then asks why nobody told her that and clarifies that the rabbit barette is her one and she doesn't like it when people sneak into her room and wear her stuff, regardless of whether it's her idiot sister or a little creep like Kyoko. Everyone else rushes in as Chihiro's about to remove the possessing gloves, Shuichi standing in front of Kyoko so nobody can see her uncovered hands while Mahiru switches them for her old ones.

Chihiro finds a tiny computer chip on the inside of the gloves, which means it was probably some kind of evil Junko AI that broke loose or some Kokichi stuff and they probably shouldn't think about it too hard. Kyoko slowly regains consciousness, finding almost every single one of her muscles is strained and Mukuro's sitting on her in a way that places just enough pressure on her ribs for her to know that she could sit down and make it worse at any second. Mukuro waves the gloves in front of her face and starts lecturing her about how she's confiscating them because the tattoo means they're her hands now and she doesn't want Kyoko getting them dirty while she's snooping through people's drawers looking for things to pilfer and probably sniff like she does with her own weird albino hands. She prepares to interrogate and noogie Kyoko only for Shuichi and Mahiru hold her back, revealing that they found underwear from various students they won't disclose the names of hidden in Nagito's jacket.

It's revealed that whoever the "Junko" controlling Kyoko was caught him in the middle of trying to loot Mahiru's laundry hamper and frame Kyoko, making her look like the weird creep with the white hair who goes into peoples' rooms without their permission. Nobody can be sure, but it might be that Yasuhiro's "lucky monocoin" they found in his pockets was actually so unlucky that it cancelled out his powers, making him get caught for the first time.

Kyoko wheezes like an accordion as Mukuro stands up and politely takes the temporary tattoo paper off of Chihiro for "copyright reasons", before very loudly sighing about how it's not like anyone would ever have any use for some temporary tattoos that make their hands look like boring old Mukuro Ikusaba's. She then tells Dr. Nurse Mikan they need to have an urgent "Despair Sister only" meeting once she's done making sure Kyoko doesn't die or whatever. Kyoko asks what that means, what's going on and why she's sore all over. Mukuro then sits down on her chest again and tells her that they consider Mikan their sister too, it was never about blood and that _'You're still on thin ice because that's my bra you're wearing, Dickless Tracy! Don't think you're in the clear just yet."_ The episode ends as Kyoko says that breathing hurts, she doesn't know what's going on, she's scared and she needs help right now while everyone laughs because "Dickless Tracy" was pretty good.

As the credits roll a message lets the audience know that Kyoko and Mukuro made up when Kyoko was in hospital and exonerated on all charges. They are also informed that the peace accords were succesful, with an exemption to the "Hypnosis Rules" being made for Tenko.

* * *

** 21\. Silent Night, Nonviolent Night **

A holiday special. Akane and Mondo go looking for crimes, only to find that everyone's having a relaxing winter night indoors. Apart from some short bridging segments and an ending scene with Sayaka shown during the first airing the majority of this episode is actually just made up from clips of home-video footage, largely shot by Sayaka, on the day everyone decided they wanted to do Christmas. Videos include: 

  * Kazuichi, Tsumugi, Rantaro and Chiaki playing arcade games in an undisclosed location with Monokuma watching over them.
  * Mikan putting a Santa hat on Junko, touching up her make-up so it looks festive and reapplying her signature nail polish with a little snowflake pattern.
  * Kyoko, Byakuya, Hifumi, Celeste and Sayaka all laughing at a joke Hifumi made. This one is repeated several times throughout the episode, each time zooming in on Sayaka's face. 
  * Sonia giving Genocide Jack a makeover and letting her borrow one of her innumerous ball gowns so she can also look like a princess.
  * Tenko, soaked in rain and covered in thick bruises, furiously punching a shirtless Nekomaru in the face and screaming the word _"degenerate"_ while he laughs about how she isn't strong enough to kill him because she's a coward. She rips off her shirt, using it to wipe the mud from her face with tears in her eyes and transitions to elbow strikes, even though one of her elbows is bleeding heavily. Leon tries to step in only to be stopped by Sakura and Mukuro, who observe that _"they're having fun"_ while the sound of Tenko getting punched in the guts, howling in pain and striking Nekomaru with a vicious headbutt can be heard off camera.
  * Kyoko, Kirumi and Korekiyo giving each other copies of each others' gloves.
  * Kaede, Maki, Miu, Mikan, Peko, Fuyuhiko, Akane, Mahiru and Shuichi all sitting around a fireplace in what looks like a living room while Himiko's sleeping figure can be seen in the corner. Miu emphasizing the size of her breasts compared to Maki's, who is smiling, while recounting the conversation where the two of them actually figured each other out and became good friends.
  * Genocide Jack kicking over the door to said room and instantly decapitating said sleeping figure, who's neck lets out a jet of red and white confetti as the real Himiko slides out from within the fireplace dressed like an elf, miraculously unburned
  * Peko solemnly gifting Byakuya a business wakizashi, in case all of his endeavours fail and he wishes to end it all. This is followed by fifteen seconds of Byakuya trying not to crack up and Peko smiling a little bit because that was a really good one.
  * Toko, although slightly uncomfortable with how girly she woke up looking, confidently leading a discussion on modern literary trends with Angie, Gonta, K1-B0 and Hiyoko.
  * Teruteru leading a toast to a large majority of the student population, declaring that the killing game can _"go fuck itself"_. Notable is that participants include Monokuma and Rantaro with students tentatively not objecting to the presence of the latter.



The episode's first airing concluded with a live broadcast from Sayaka, who directly addressed the audience in a friendly tone to say she was feeling a little creatively burnt out for the first time in a while and would have to put the show on hiatus for a little bit, for which she sincerely apologised. She then announced that she'd also be temporarily be handing over the editorial reigns of SAYAKA Magazine to whichever of The Monokubs wants it, although there should be enough content left from her to fill up a few more issues, so don't stop reading it just yet if you only like her parts.

After this she maintains the same friendly tone and whimsically describes the way that there's a Sayaka Maizono who's simultaneously her and the Sayaka who speaks to her in her internal monologue, who's currently wagging her finger at her and telling her she's actually a fictional character who doesn't exist when she's not actively playing the role of Sayaka. This Sayaka points out she's in serious danger of not sparkling forever any more, which could be an issue because if she ever stops constantly being everyone's helpful best friend every hour of the day then they'll switch to hating her. She's not sure, but she believes this is because they already don't trust her and she'll lose any chance of ever having even a fraction of the love and affection she tries to put out there being reciprocated.

She recalls thinking about how it doesn't matter if Sayaka's an impossible series of contradicting standards because if she ever stops working hard and doing her best to be Sayaka for even a second they're going to call her a snake who fucked her way to the top, which isn't actually true because that sounds like a person and she's nothing at all behind the mask and under the skirt, like a Barbie doll. She clarifies that she does actually feel sad, but she doesn't feel like she experiences emotions in the same way other people do because Sayaka's patting her on the shoulder and telling her that the optimal move at this stage would be to let a few tears stroll down her face to let people know that, probably around five, then give a choking sob before sniffling it back and putting on a brave smile. Sayaka says indicating that she's been struggling with a lot of pain this whole time and doing her best to try and get through it alone could turn the ship around and feels the best move at this would be to over-dramatise the intensity of what she's going through to make it seem a lot more authentic and relatable to people who have real problems or depression because if she ever stops being relatable then she's worse than nothing.

She instead proceeds to sigh and say that she's not allowed to leave in any awkward pauses that she didn't pre-plan even in the middle of a meltdown, and how even when she is Sayaka just gets in there and re-writes the words before they leave her mouth so they sound more like a dramatic monologue, which is the direction Sayaka's giving her a thumbs up and highly recommend she takes this in because she's her best friend, she believes in her and they can always get through it together no matter how badly she's messed up. She admits to just not feeling anything any more apart from when people hug her and say she's special, but that doesn't work like it used to and she's spent so long watching all the people she cares about start to look at her differently and slowly fall out of love with her. In her eyes this is a problem, because the only goal she'd ever had has been for people to love her, she's been entirely open about this and she doesn't see why that's so wrong.

She questions whether "tired" is an emotion as Kirumi kicks open the door to let Kyoko and Celeste, with an uncharacteristically emotional expression on her face, rush over. Celeste notes that _"She's breathing weirdly, I don't think she's taken anything but I still don't know what's wrong. Get Mikan over here. Makoto, cut the camera!"_

* * *

**6. Reception **

Critical reception for the show has been mixed to positive, with critics praising the special effects, frenetic storytelling pace and the fact that most of them were in it. **Hajime Hinata** , speaking from Chiaki's room believed the show was _"_ Fine I guess, as long as it keeps Sayaka occupied", with **Gonta Gokuhara** agreeing that "Show...is joke, right?" **Aoi Asahina** , beloved by all and most eligible bachelorette in the academy since **Kirumi Tojo's** disqualification, had high praise for the first season, relating over a breakfast donut that

> "It's the best show ever! Oh man, you never know what's going to happen next because the tone rapidly shifts all the time. I had two episodes where I got to save the day and Sonia said I looked really good on camera, and she's a princess! The only problem is Mikan says we have to stop asking her to check if we're pregnant and Kaito's not the father in the Maki voice, because she keeps taking it seriously and it was only funny the first few times. I'm going to go and check on Sayaka now if you want to come with me, Tsumugi got her a heavier weighted blanket so she feels like she's always getting a hug."

Literary critic **Toko Fukawa** was far more negative, giving her thoughts on the matter for a brief Q&A with SAYAKA Magazine, printed here in full:

> "I'm not getting paid for this and Mukuro's using my laptop right now for...something, but if you give me two hundred Monocoins and ten minutes with a typewriter I can give you twenty thousand words on this, even though it's a fairly simplistic subject. But you're not, so I'll keep it brief. Sayaka was clearly trying her hardest but it's clear she's nowhere near a professional writer, even a professional TV writer, lowest of the low, and needs some help or some kind of writing partner. Or an editor, but not one that's not me or Makoto, because even if it wasn't his fault and understandable, kind of, that whole thing could have been communicated a lot better and saved us all a lot of grief. I think some of her friends had already figured out what was going on, but she was the one who stopped the investigation because she wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and... didn't want to confront the truth.
> 
> There's a literary analysis term I really don't like to mention the name of, kind of like that Macbeth thing for theatre people. Shakesphere? Not good, by the way. But I think it's pretty revealing that the most frequently recurring theme throughout this show is the question of whether intent matters regarding peoples' perceptions and the outcomes of your actions. I think it does, but only to the extent that it shapes them and in the form of the question itself, if that makes sense? Sayaka genuinely read my books and talked about them with me when I just assumed she was lying. I appreciated it, even though I knew she did it to get in my good graces. That's my answer to that one. 
> 
> If I'm being honest here? The good stuff was mostly just straight up repeating or rearranging stuff that had actually happened to us, shown through a filter of melodrama and unintentionally funny and subtelty free dialogue. The biggest issue's that she has a lot of trouble committing to any one plot thread or tone and keeps instinctively sabotaging any dramatic tension or long-term storytelling in favor of one-off jokes, format changes and plot twists she comes up with at the last minute at the expense of whatever the overall point used to be. Every time it seems like she's going to get to the serious meat of a story she can't help but procrastinate and delay, constantly going off on weird side adventures to avoid directly confronting the big problems and address what's happening until she can come up with a solution.
> 
> And those jokes? If you look at them closely you'll see they're actually super repetitive and even if she tweaks the format the fundamental structure and components are fairly limited and rigid. It's, like, there are twenty of them and two of them are based around Miu's memory loss. She's just iterating them in different combinations so they just get stuck in this loop that and keep being recycled over and over again if you pay attention. It's the same with all the unintentional symbolism from wherever in Sayaka's psyche it came from, and even the episodes themselves are kind of like that in general. She just keeps tweaking things and switching around the twists and participants and keep looping them around to make new variations on the same killing game like she's trying to find some combination that leads to a better ending that makes everyone happy, but it can't work that way because of how it's set up and... sorry, I lost my train of thought there. I really need a keyboard to think straight.
> 
> Writing wise you can see some real dark undertones that keep bubbling up underneath the surface that I think are a little intriguing, but I'm not sure if that's deliberate on her behalf. Have you ever heard of the Black Dog of Depression? It's an old metaphor about a dog that just sort of loyally follows you around everywhere and gradually just... drains the energy and love and takes over the person you used to be. There's something like that happening with Sayaka, obviously, but I think there's something else. It's like Sayaka built up this glittery, fun barrier to make everything around her bright and shiny and keep the darkness safely inside where she could ignore it. An expressive cage. But she's too afraid to air out any of whatever that darkness is and directly address it, so she keeps delaying and reinforcing the bars of that cage instead of gradually letting it out in the open. Then one day she's trapped inside that in that glittery pink cage she created to keep herself safe from the darkness, where she sees the dog she thought she got rid of years ago. And it's big and scary.
> 
> I can usually come up with a better metaphor than that, but I don't have a keyboard in front of me and I can't think. I might be reading a bit into it and applying my own issues to her problems, of course. I personally fall into this pattern of always trying to analyze stuff from different angles and address it with my writing, but I just can't apply any of the advice I can write down and give to other people to my own life. If anything, it makes it harder to put it into action. You can analyze something so much over and over again but eventually you have to actually face your problems and not just put them aside forever, which is where I always stumble. I'm... afraid of the dark too.
> 
> But seriously, the jokes are all super repetitive! "Mioda's Clause" is the same thing as "Iruma's Clause", except instead of being about how Miu's such a disgusting pig that she somehow got a medical certificate from a real hospital for having "Wet Pussy Syndrome" it's about how Ibuki exposed herself to everyone so much that our eyes have all automatically adjusted to censor her. They're not even jokes, just observations of things that happened! Speaking of Ibuki, I don't appreciate her acting as my body double in blah blah blah I'm Toko Fukawa, blah blah blah I don't like Ibuki because she's dating my sister. I spend a decade crying about how I think I'm ugly and keep waking up covered in blood but then when I start waking up with a haircut that frames out face better and a cute dress I act like that's even worse nyeh nyeh nyeh. Byakuya Togami said I looked pretty the other day completely out of the blue and you used to like him, don't deny it! I quit killing people, got over getting turned down by Ryoma relatively gracefully, confronted the insecurities exposed in my motive video and in the process solved yours too. Just keep kissing the robot and wallow in your own misery, see if I care. Are you writing this down, Monokid?
> 
> What was she talking about, anyway? Hmmmm. Look, when people say you can't stop running from your past or whatever it's worth considering that that's still them trying to tell you what you do and control your decisions. It's ultimately up to you to decide for yourself and sometimes running away's actually the correct choice! Use that time to find a better resolution that works for you instead of just accepting one that's going to suck and result in sacrifice. Keep running for as long as you want, that's all I got! Aaaanyway, I'm about to take a shower and slay some major tang because Ibuki Mioda and Genocide Jack are an official pairing now. EAT SHIT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It was meant to be a short chapter,_ but at least it's finally over and done with. It turns out I can't write anything short any more, apart from that lil' rascal Hiyoko. You may notice a few tiny pieces of lore, themes, recurring patterns, future hints etc. sprinkled throughout if you're very careful, but I think it works best if you just take it breezily. A lot of the details just straight up aren't spoilery, important or going to come up again, though, keep that in mind and feel free to ask and I'll straight up give you an answer to whatever. 
> 
> I had a little outline for a pre-apocalypse conspiracy investigation thriller where the detective nerds and Taka try and figure out exactly what happened with the Togami family. Then I replaced it with a poorly written Wiki summary where Genocide Jack's self-inserted herself and made her own coming out story take up the bulk of it, because that's really funny to me as is her getting a free pass on killing all those dudes. 
> 
> Mondo's spiritual journey also suffered the same fate, so RIP to whoever that guy we'll never know the name of was. Other chapters we saw getting skipped here were Celeste trying and and failing to be normal and Chiaki suggesting Miu and Kaede do a proposal-to-wedding Speedrun Any%. We might get around to those or not. This is the chapter graveyard. Toko nearly _awakened_ at the end there before she got back to criticizing ~~me~~ Sayaka. 
> 
> You won't believe how many of these guys were fucking dead by now before my outline got permanently derailed and I figured out what I'm doing, kind of. The story just took it's own direction, which is why Mahiru isn't a main character any more. I need to update this thing's description, but I'm really awful at writing them. If the Wiki's written badly then it's because the characters are bad at writing wikis though.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** The infomercial chapter, The Ultimate Survivor, Hiyoko's chapter. Then the motive videos. That's what's left. Then Junko I guess. I'm taking a break though. It might be a while.


	22. Letters From Enoshima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Junko keeps it G-rated
> 
> Junko Enoshima's final letter to Monaca Towa clarifies what that whole thing was about and gives us an illuminating gaze into her twisted mindset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: The following document consists of a letter from Junko Enoshima. However, as this letter is to a child it is almost entirely suitable for children.**
> 
> _If you haven't read the chapter before this one it's a real doozy and counts as 22 other chapters, albeit in Wiki article form._

** LETTERS  FROM   
ENOSHIMA **

_ Dear Monaca  
  
_

_ Did you like this envelope? I eventually went with Sayaka Maizono stationary instead of Jojo Siwa. I was at the stationary store I go to (for stickers, usually) looking at envelopes for this and some other stuff and they had this really cool invisible ink endorsed by The Amazing Himiko, who's this cool magician I've seen, like, five times already and every time I'm like, WOAH, how did she do that?!? I'm pretty smart, but even I've got no clue how she pulls that stuff off! Seriously, look her up on youtube or TikTok, you won't regret it. But anyway, I decided against it because you don't deserve cool invisible ink because you are in a **big heap of trouble** , young lady. Monaca Towa? You're getting called out and you are cancelled, sis! >:[  
  
_

_ Did you think I wasn't paying attention? Well, you were right! But when I remembered all you guys and checked in I figured out what you were doing with my name, resources and copyrighted material super easy, you little numbskull! I didn't appreciate it and I double didn't appreciate it that you didn't even ask me to see if it was cool. Maybe I would have said yes, but you'll never find out because now you're no longer necessary, you're getting cut out of the loop and I've already taken the cool stuff I want even if I did cancel the whole Ultimate Despair plan a while ago. I'm just letting you know now to show you how little you mean on the whole to me >:P  
  
_

_ If you haven't figured it out already the reason I'm cancelling it is world's kind of going down the toilet even without my cool and cute revolution of the hot babes (you're no longer one of us because you're officially ugly now, btw!), so this country's going to start to really suck for a while for everyone instead of just people I don't like, then it's going to get really interesting for a little bit and then it's going to end basically.  _ _ You were already on the evacuation list for probably the safest place to be outside of a secret one for only Junko's friends (which means not you!)  
  
_

_ Nevertheless, your girl here moved pulled some strings and made sure you're going to be first in line for a helicopter ride to the safe place and also first in line to be stuck in the " _ _ OK, but not great" section when you arrive, where you're just going to kind of stay forever if at all possible.  _ _ As you know I'm super not into any kind of class system and I AM probably gonna try to have some more of my people in place to try and dismantle it, in which case those guys are also going to do everything they can to keep you in a quiet job away from any position of influence or where you can build robots. Become a graphic designer or something.  
  
_

_ The other four? All going straight to the cool kids section, so suck on that lemon!  Right now they're meant to be going skydiving with my big sister into one of my secret hidden clout mansions and once they jump from it their plane's going to do a huge explosion so they get to see an explosion and also I think this thematically works well because of when I found y'all trying to jump off that, what, twelve foot high building? Probably wasn't going to kill you, FYI. They're all getting letters like this one where I'm telling them you're a huge jerk and hopefully they're never going to see you again because you've gotta cut toxic people out of your life and you were so toxic that you stunk like a skunk!!  
  
_ _  
Funny story, but my original plan was to sneak you guys (it would be without you, now) into where I'm going. That didn't pan out, but the idea was that there's this girl here who's the Ultimate Child Caregiver and she's always super grumpy, so my guess was she'd see you guys and be all "Grrr, I'm Maki, back when I was your age they strapped me into the electric chair and zapped me for dinner each night ***** and made me eat broccoli and forced me to do maths homework instead of letting me watch cartoons!" But then she'd slowly develop a loving rapport with you guys and you'd teach her she's really just another big kid on the inside and it would distract her from being depressed and you'd all get better together as a big family :D  _ _  
_

_***I think this actually happened lol** _

**_ sorry if this one was kinda lame, I struggle when I try and keep it G-rated >_<  
_ ** _ Anyway, as I assume you've already noticed the **"big heap of trouble"** I said you're in is ~~actually a big heap... of rubble~~ a literal one! Have fun being stuck in a wheelchair for real, stupid!  _ _ This is what you get for faking a disability (lame-o), trying to get one over on Junko F ~~u~~ Freakin' Enoshima and being a bad friend!  _ _ Is your butt sore, yet? Probably not all over, because you are a butt. Do your legs hurt? I'm not actually sure if you'll be able to feel them or not because I kind of planned this bit in a rush and I forgot to ask my BFF/skincare expert about that part.  _ _ If you didn't get hit by the rubble in the way we planned you're probably dead, in which my sister was actually the one in charge of the booby trap so it's her fault but if it worked then I did it ;^ )  _

_  
When I asked my BFF about this purely hypothetical scenario, providing we get the snooker-style falling rubble trick shot exactly right, __she said you'd probably be able to walk in a few years? You can't just brain-power your way out of having a spinal chord injury* and it'll suck, but things are going to suck way worse for a lot of other people. You were already faking it _ _ , so my advice is to use this opportunity to think about how you goofed all this up and be grateful that learning to walk means you get an easy way out from people finding out you were being a big phony the first time! Which would be super awkward. You're still not quite at that age where you get zits and things get gross and complicated, which is why I'm going easy on you by my standards and letting you know that you've got some serious growing up to do. _

**_* Technically I think someone might have done this but she sucks!_ **

_ Oh, I guess I should give you some "Big Sis Junko" advice on that topic for the next few years because this is probably the last time you'll ever hear from me because I don't want to be your big sister any more because you're a jerk. I've never really done this before, but here goes:  
  
_

_ I never actually got zits and all the changes I went through were both entirely painless and just made my life even more awesome because I'm naturally perfect, but since you're not me my advice is to exercise every day, drink plenty of water and check that your hair doesn't touch your face too much if you use product in there. I also never actually "grew up", which is why I never stopped being able to do anything I want and achieve everything, but I'm both a unique case and have been diagnosed with ADHD-Ω.  
  
_

_ I'm pretty sure makeup gurus aren't going to survive the apocalypse apart from my BFF who has a good excuse (she got bit by dogs it's awkward and if you bring it up she gets sad :<), but if they do then ignore them and just go easy on it even though I know you're not going to do that because I know how it gets when you're just getting into makeup. Use protection!! I mean sunscreen but also for another thing I can't describe here because I've forgotten what age you are but when it's time you'll know what I'm talking about ;3  
  
_

_ That's about all I've got, big sister advice wise! My own big sister's a twin, so she's only a minute or so older than me (annoyingly, but my boobs are bigger) and she's with your former friends doing her own tomboy action movie hero thing so I don't really have anything to pass down from her. I'm trying to think of what else to say at this stage. Oh, right! If you want some additional despair here you go;  _ _ You were actually my second least favourite because Kotoko was cuter and I don't think you ever really "got" the despair concept like she did?  _ _ After her Masaru was second, Nagisa was third and I forgot what the other one's name is or was if there was another one.  
  
_

_ If the world wasn't ending and I went through with the whole Ultimate Despair thing I was going to rename her "JUNKO JR." and she'd get to  _ _ live in a big hotel like in that book "Eloise" (my favourite<3) except instead of other people as guests it's her own zoo, like in the movie hotel for dogs except with zebras because she likes animals. Attached are some quick sketches I drew up on a napkin for what I had in mind. My favorite bit is the monkey tree room that also has a hole in the floor so the giraffe can stick it's neck through. She and Nagisa were also going to get matching Monopoly Man oufits and fake moustaches and get to drive around in little Monopoly cars.   
  
_

_ I forget what I had planned for you and Masaru (he might have gotten a water park?) but the point is that THAT'S more the children's paradise I was thinking of for you guys! I'm not opposed to, like, decapitations and burning cities (you know me!) but FUN was supposed to be the first priority! Spoiler alert, but _ _the big idea was I was going to give you guys the robots and let you take over using the city for all the kids who wanted to live in using those robots, then you'd make big decisions about what directions it'd take and you were the kind of evil one but also the contrarian who makes good points, so I was going to subtly guide you in the right direction and it would become, like, a parable for the new era? In all honesty I still don't really recall what I was going for, but it was a social experiment.  
  
_

_ Buuuut then I found a new BFF who's super adorable and flinchy and I got distracted because I'm addicted to buying little outfits for her to try on like one of those dress up games and then things got busy what with dismantling Ultimate Despair etc. That's why I completely forgot to check on you guys for a while, as you no doubt noticed lol. Awkward! I also didn't think about it because none of you guys called me, but then I found out it's because you were pretending you'd called me but you didn't and here we are. Sneaky sneaky!  
  
_

_ Anyway, you'll find some Pusheen stickers in here, a couple of retro Princess Piggles and some pictures of my BFF Mikan dressed up as a SoundCloud rapper, a little devil, a donkey (my all-time favorite because she has the perfect eyelashes for it) and Sayaka Maizono. Also, did I mention I go to school with Sayaka? If we weren't facing a near extinction level-event and total societal collapse and you hadn't blown your chances by trying to maneuver behind my back I could have gotten you backstage to meet the real Sayaka, so there :P _  
  


_ Yours for the last time ever! _

_ \- Junko Enoshima XOXOXO _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Half of Junko's plans were just sticky notes with stuff "MONKEYS HOTEL?" written on them, which she still might have been able to pull off?**
> 
> Being friends with Junko is definitely a lot of fun as a kid. Being _best friends_ with Junko, on the other hand, means your name's Mikan and you were already the most bullied person in human history before she started dragging you around everywhere because she wants to see what you look like dressed as a little sailor boy.
> 
> Anyway, that's probably the last we'll hear about the Warriors of Hope.


	23. Survivor's Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### We explore exactly what you need to do become _The Ultimate Survivor_ and what being an experienced player would do to your mindset. We also learn about economics.
> 
>  _Let's uncover some the dark history of Hope's Peak Academy, connect a bunch of little plot threads and meet the dangerous, shadowy figure who's usually standing slightly off-camera in one of any half-dozen conspiracies. Maybe the scariest character in the entire story, from some perspectives. Perhaps they can shed some light on some of what was going on behind the scenes leading up to the start of our tale?_
> 
> Rantaro Amami is very, very cancelled for what he's done, but what was it? Did he do anything at all? He is _so fucking cancelled._ But by _whom?_
> 
> _"I am the game, you don't want to play me._  
>  _I am control, no way you can change me._  
>  _I am heavy debt, no way you can pay me._  
>  _I am the pain and I KNOW YOU CAN'T TAKE ME!"_
> 
> [- **The Game (Triple H), Motorhead**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_JF8oSxXtM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: The following chapter contains depictions of violence, death and non-explicit references &/or mentions of suicide, coercion and child abuse. There were _killing games_. There's all kinds of language.**
> 
> Being the Ultimate Survivor means there's a lot to survive, but _you survive it nevertheless_ and come out on the other end _stronger than ever_. 
> 
> This is a dark chapter, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it has a fairytale ending, which you can fast forward to by searching for _"Fairytale Ending"._
> 
> It's also quite long, so if you want to skip all the foreshadowing and most of the explicit content to go straight to Rantaro Amami's callout video then do a search for _"True Wealth Potential"_. However, I believe it _should_ be possible for you to figure out why he is in trouble before we reach that point, or at least by the end of that segment. Can _you_ spot the clues?  
> [Play this music when you reach the parts where it's appropriate. You'll know them when you reach them.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtRcVczU44)

**She didn't want to marry him. But it was a different time and she didn't really have a choice because it was years and years ago. **

* * *

Everyone had a secret they didn't want revealed, because everyone does. Then, with less than a minute's warning, they were broadcast across every screen and speaker in the school, without any way of preventing it. Each was custom made to hurt or undermine their student in a different way, but some were worse than others.

Kyoko's exposed everything she was most insecure about and unveiled the sources of a half-dozen recurring panic attacks for all the world to see. She was still a teenager, just one that had practiced hiding how nervous and paranoid she always was beneath the exterior.

Mikan's was described in a nasty way removed from context and meant that even once the true story got out nobody ever looked at her in quite the same way again. But in the end what it meant was that she was a survivor, and when push came to shove she would fight back and do whatever it takes to stay alive, no matter how painful.

Someone else overtook Kokichi as the new most loathsome student, but his still turned near total ostracism from the rest of the student body into a semi-permanent exile. That just meant even more scurrying around out of sight and beneath everyone's notice, like always.

Kaede's lame secret was a sign of how comfortable her life had been, but Maki still treated her sympathetically because she knew about her dreams and what it felt like to wake up vomiting from pain and guilt. _She_ knew exactly what choking to death felt like and the feeling that the blood covering her would never quite wash off.

Hiyoko's family was famously wealthy, but unlike Kaede she'd spent her whole life wrapped up in so many dark secrets and conspiracies she knew it must have been hard for whoever made the videos to narrow them all down, _if_ they even knew the half of it. Furthermore, it took away some of the oh-so-precious leverage she desperately clung to, like a childhood pet keeping her warm at night.  
  
Rantaro's family were almost as rich as Byakuya's, but unlike Hiyoko he never got too involved with the family business, and if he ever saw something shady going on he made the decision not to get involved and steer well clear of it. Instead he sailed across the world, finding new adventure in each remote location. There were some tight escapes and occasionally he'd run into one of his missing stepsisters, but in the end he didn't really do anything he wasn't afraid to confess and grew up to be an interesting, well rounded and open minded individual.

_So, where's the issue with that?_

# Survivor's Guilt

### PLAY ▶Ultimate Survivor Infomercial Highlights (Broadcast 3AM on SAYAKA)

**You're being kidnapped **

** *All examples are purely fictional and used for demonstrative purposes only. **

_"No sudden movements. You feel that pressure? That's a nine millimetre pistol. Don't struggle, don't scream for mommy and daddy, get in the van and we won't have to hurt you. Have you noticed how nobody here's trying to help you? After you get in and sit down we're going to put a blindfold on. You don't need to know our names, but for the next little while I think we're going to get real familiar. Try and escape and we'll start by smashing one of your middle fingers and move outwards. Might not be able to play the piano so good after that. Your old life ends here."_

** You're being held hostage.**

_"I'm not going to mince words. If you send out those photos we'll return with some of your precious baby girl getting shot in the back of the head, blindfold off. Do you know how many kids we've had disappear over the last few years? Oh, that's right, you do, which is the whole cause of our problem! Keep quiet, accept the awards we give you for the stories we'll give you and I promise you I'll try and get her back to you in one piece in a couple of years._

_We've both been in war zones, Mrs. [_______], I'm sure you can imagine what it'll look like."  
_

** You're trapped in a deadly killing game. **

_"At last, our final player takes his seat, wearing the mask of the wolf. You took a little longer to complete your challenge than most, but that's understandable considering it's difficulty. Missing your... sister, were we? Look around you. Perhaps she is here and perhaps she is not._

_This will be the Ninety-Nine and One killing game, but for now it is about the number three. You are in conference room three. There are two other groups, each in their own conference room three. If you look around this table and count you will see thirty two other players, each wearing a mask with another animal on it. You may refer to each other by the animal on said mask, but you must not reveal your real names._

_I believe you are all aware of the other individual rules and restrictions placed upon you. Each player has a unique additional clause, but you are likewise forbidden to reveal what it is._ _For now breaking these rules will merely result in a severe penalty shock through your mask, like the one you felt at the beginning, but when the doors close and the game's first challenge begins the voltage will be increased to a lethal one and will result in your life being subtracted ahead of time, if that is to be your fate. This is a game of sacrifice, after all. The other standard clauses are as follows..."_

**THOOM!**

_"The doors have now closed. The first group challenge round of this game has now officially begun. You have thirty three minutes to decide who among you to sacrifice. You may each vote anonymously, the players with the highest three voting percentages being subtracted_

_The players in conference room one must subtract the life of one player, the players in conference room two must subtract two players, conference room three must subtract three, conference room subtracts four and so forth. Sacrificing the wrong number of players will result in an additional three players' lives being subtracted at random. As of now each conference room is conference room number three, but that can be changed through negotiation with the other rooms. Accepting_ _a higher conference room number by taking casualties from another room may lead to advantages down the line, in ways that will be revealed after the next set of individual rounds concludes._

_The thirty two of you must now decided amongst yourselves how to- wait, hang on..."_

** You're going to be okay! You ordered the complete _Ultimate Survivor Training Program_.**

"... so by the time he started talking about all that boring stuff with rules and clauses? I'd already snuck through the door before it closed and _got to leave the game_ without any further difficulties! 

I could tell whoever was running that whole operation was a "technicalities count" kind of mastermind, with exploiting them being an explicit part of it's thematic nature. If I wasn't sure about that I definitely wouldn't have attempted it, buuuttt... nothing ventured, nothing gained. I never learned how that one ended, but looking back on your choices in a killing game's the kind of thing that gets your throat slit, and then you bleed out gasping like a fish, which is a bad way to go out. We made eye contact and she was just... she never even realised, snfff, her whole purpose to being there was to die.

You see? If you drop fake stories like that everyone totally takes pity on you and... Oh, hey there. I'm **The Ultimate Survivor**. I mean, I like to call myself that, but you might know me better as...

**_Hiyoko Saionji!"_**

** Saionji Family Head, All-Time Youngest Living National Treasure, Ornament of The Floorboards, Forbes' 50 Under 5"0, Honorary Doctorate in Dance History, The Princess In Waiting, All-Time Youngest Hope's Peak Student, "Uncomfortable Fanbase of The Year" Award, Committee Member, Carbon Monoxide Awareness Spokesgirl, The Anglerfish, Despair's Oracle.   
**

####  Ultimate Traditional Dancer

##  **Lady Hiyoko Saionji XXI**

** Nineteen Assassination Attempts, Eleven Kidnappings, Six Micro Hostage Situations, Two Macro, Thirteenth Highest National Bounty Price, Three Time "Lil' Miss How Is She Still Alive?", Four Attempts to Frame Her for Murder, Five Attempts to Maim or Disfigure Her Face from Jealous Uggo Bitches, One Hundred-Percent Scratch Free. **

####  The Last Saionji

** Wasted Youth, Final Inheritance, Hell's Tarot, Death by Democracy, (Unnamed), Supernatural Survival, Hotel Floor 4, Ninety-Nine(+1)**

####  Eight Time Killing Game Survivor

####  ** Cute as a Button! **

"I mean, formally I'm _"Lady Hiyoko Saionji the 21st spelled with an X-X-I"_ , but I don't like it when people call me that because it makes me sound like some kind of... pedigree dog, even though it's really meant to be more of a traditional Pope or Emperor-style thing from when I became heir. It's totally not cute, buuut since we're all friends for now I'm giving you permission to just call me Hiyoko. Do _you_ find yourself constantly trying to avoid blowdarts and getting trapped in those stupid rooms where the walls are covered in spikes that slowly press inwards to crush you? Me too! Yaaaay, we're buddies!

Not a lot of people know this, but before I was the youngest student _ever_ scouted for Hope's Peak Academy ***** I'd already survived nineteen confirmed assassination attempts along with seven killing games and all that other stuff I listed in the title card! You people _can_ read, right? And now, for the first time ever, I'm prepared to share my secrets of survival with you, all for a low, low price of you'll owe me a favour. Yaaaay! It doesn't matter what kind of Ultimate you are now or who you were before you came in, because after you finish my course? They're also going to call you... _**The Other Ultimate Survivor!**_  
*Claim currently under legal dispute.  


...oh, the eighth killing game? It happened between when I was scouted and when I got here, you might've seen a little recreation of that one at the start I put together with Legos and the voice changer? Umm... I _think_ that was one of the ones where the same larger group was running multiple killing games at once in opposition to each other. There were a couple of crafty pieces of wordplay in the rules for that one which I'm not going to go into, but one of the ones I did like was that all the clocks in there were out of sync with the actual time passing to mess with peoples' brains. They were super intimidated when I demonstrated I'd already figured all those bits out and it was _actually_ five in the morning outside, which meant one of the Masterminds had enough time to get me McDonalds for breakfast and drive me to my first day at Hope's Peak even though it was, like, an hour and a half away because I was NOT missing my first day at school. He looked a little sad when I said that was the first time I ever got to eat McDonalds"

* * *

 ** Years of experience condensed into an instructional package as elegant as her dancing.  
** **  
People just... blank out and _forget_ this stuff minutes later if I try and tell them the normal way.**

* * *

"Wow, Hiyoko, how did that many things happen to you? Funny you should ask! You see, I'm an objectively adorable looking moppet with a family everyone thinks is ultra rich, even if we're only mega rich. Not only that, but I'm pretty much a minor celebrity and I also have a worldwide audience of guys who are a bit weird and uncomfortable to be around. And I've got a great personality! That makes me the _perfect_ kidnapping target because of all those _weird_ YouTube ads and infomercials that are all like... OK! Here's where we roll the clip, so you can stop the- great, I guess I'm filming all of this myself now. Hajime Hinata... _off_ the party invite list."

**"From a young age Hiyoko Saionji's dazzled and hypnotized audiences all across the world with her youthful grace and the undeniable talent that can only come from a lineage of dance royalty. The ornament of the nation's floorboards has four hundred years of dance history flowing through her veins, which she's prepared to share with you in her..."**

"There's actually an extra nineteen hundred years on top of that but my family seriously sucks and there are- I mean, there _were_ a whole lot of us. Everyone else totally wanted to be in my spot as the heir, which I just kind of got arbitrarily picked for because they thought my ancestry lined up in a good way, like eugenics were ever going to bring back the glory days. We were also super big in the dance world, but they only discovered I was actually good at it _after_ I was chosen, which is annoying. Anyway, the point is that pretty much everyone wanted me dead or at least wanted to "cut up my pretty little doll face" enough that I can't be seen in public and count as an acceptable heir, the losers. 

So, that mastermind guy I was talking about earlier starts asking me questions because he's obviously intimidated, which is why I was able to get him to buy me pencils for school, and also because I'm the world's cutest girl and he's probably a huge pervert like everyone else, so I have to explain that no, of _course_ this isn't the first time I've done this. Idiot said he'd never have kidnapped me if he knew I'd already survived a bunch, but _that's_ the whole reason I keep getting put in them in the first place!

Everyone who runs a killing game's _stupid_ , because they think that they're the only ones who've ever had the idea to run one in the real world like it's not a super popular genre of fiction and sadistic conspiracy to prove some kind of dumb point. I just have this vibe that makes them think " _Wow, famous dancer Hiyoko Saionji! It sure would be sad and dramatic if an little innocent flower like her tragically, snnfff, died in the middle of the game even though everyone was trying to protect her, like what happened to Hiyoko the... seventeenth? The one who got shot up with arrows, mediocre dancer. Doesn't that just fill you with despair, but not the Junko kind?"_ People just don't find out because this is the kind of thing the government's _suddenly_ super competent at covering up if they're not in on it like I just know some of them were with a certain someone's family's quote-unquote "tax fraud"...  
  
Look, I don't want to discriminate because Byakuya's good friends with _Peko_ of all people now, like she can't defend herself, but this mastermind guy was _definitely_ more than a little autistic. I'm allowed to say that, right? Oh, wait, I can say whatever I want because I know Sayaka's not going to actually watch this when she broadcasts it. Sayaka, I know you went up that ladder first because you _wanted_ to make Shuichi "accidentally" slip a peek at your famous butt like he's one of your producers. _Skank_!"

* * *

** Hiyoko makes it easy to unlock your true potential with her signature Learn to Learn™ system!**

** Kiyo doesn't know it, but I owe him a lot. He dislodged a memory that I'd been forced to hide from myself and reminded me of who I really am.  **

* * *

"Let me explain. So you're in a killing game and you're not a genius detective or an amazing athlete. Worse than that, people find you unpleasant for absolutely zero reason whatsoever. How are you going to survive and best take advantage of the group dynamics that emerge? We'll learn together! The important thing is to assess what skills you _do_ have, figure out ways in which they can be useful, and then learn new ones quickly with my **Learn To Learn** **™** memorization system! It's important to always learn about yourself, others and why they act the way they do, but I'll get into that later. The important thing is you have to be learning all the time! The ones that _don't_ learn? They really piss me off. 

Did you know that when I came to Hope's Peak Academy I couldn't even tie my own kimono sash? It's almost like they never taught me to do that on purpose! Traditional calligraphy? Only useful in, like, ONE life or death situation and I got ink all over my good clothes because I was in a hurry and Grandma got angry at me. Now I can send emails, take photos, search historical databases and archives here only I'm allowed access to for evidence and do all sorts of fun things with my new friends! Traditional dancing's actually surprisingly useful in all _sorts_ of tricky situations. The reasons? I have to have _some_ tricks left up my sleeves, dummy.

But what if your skills _aren't_ useful or helpful, especially to a group? That's not ideal, but it's also not the worst thing in the world because, memorize this, uselessness isn't the same as helplessness and showing vulnerability isn't the same as revealing it. YOU always have to be your own first priority! Helping out's good, and you don't want to be a huge burden if at all possible, but you also don't want to be too helpful all the time, because it's super stressful, people start to rely on you and it also paints a target on your back for anyone who wants to disrupt things. We'll get into that later. But don't rule what you do have out! You never know when it might come in handy. 

Look, there are situations where you're going to be in control and situations where you aren't, so it's important to understand where your abilities do and don't lie. For example, my growth spurt was just starting when I went in here and Mikan says it hasn't finished yet even though I've only gotten, like, millimetres taller, which sucks because it means I have to have gross Mikan touch my body like I bet she's touching Junko. Anyway, until I do grow taller I'm going to be pretty useless in a direct combat situation outside of some very specific circumstances... unless I have a gun. So I'm just going to run away! Running away isn't always a bad thing, which is important to know.

My **Learn to Learn™** system teaches you to teach yourself, but that doesn't mean you won't also get a whole bunch of the special knowledge I've gained from my years of experience in being alive and not dying. Take a look at these exclusive previews!"

### 20 Common Mistakes YOU don't want to make in a Killing Game!

_"The first mistake a lot of people make? Panicking and running all over the place right from the get-go, then trying to get violent about it. Taking hostages, trying to bash windows open, removing your exploding collar and all that dumb crap. If you want to have a panic attack just hyperventilate and cry in the corner with all the other wimps and losers. Obviously it depends on the rules, but seriously! If you're mastermind's not a total hack they're going to have accounted for that kind of thing and in the best case scenario for you? You're going to get you and your hostage killed, which leaves a bit more leeway for the rest of us considering the rules. Your death's going to be pretty meaningless otherwise._

_Second mistake? Not panicking enough! You can't just act like you're so smart and know everything's going to be just fine, like you don't have things to worry about. The first thing you're going to do there is make yourself look like a suspicious target or possible mastermind's accomplice and the second thing is that you're going to look like a total chode who's let their guard down. As I said, hyperventilate and cry in the corner. If you're no longer able to cry then just learn to fake it ahead of time, super valuable skill. I still panic a little every time I'm wrapped in a killing game, because the second you let your guard down is the second you find yourself beaten to death with a hotel ice bucket filled with ice to make it weigh more and also wash away any evidence. That was pretty crafty!_

_Oh, and speaking of which, mistake number three is not watching out for slippery tiles..."_

* * *

_"...You think you're the protagonist in some fictional story? There's always one or two who are like "We'll stand together and end this killing game! I believe in all my friends and I'm gona stop you, mastermind!" How? By making yourself the first target?_

_On that topic, have you ever tried to become self-aware and ponder your situation from a narrative perspective? That isn't necessarily a bad move, but don't get too wrapped up in it or you'll fall into a pit of spikes trying to spot the death flags in the distance. I literally saw a guy do that once, it was super pathetic, he was all like "guuuuuuh, Mommy!". Cool your jets and focus on what's happening around you on an intermediate scale at most unless you're a pro, like me._

_If you're, like, prophecized to die then you have to be very careful your attempts to save yourself don't accidentally result in you fulfilling it like a total chump, because with that sort of thing events usually repeat in a cycle but the end result doesn't- actually, you know what? If you think you find a prophecy about someone here dying just talk to me about it in private about trying to fix that, it's kind of my specialty area and I won't charge you for your first consultation. I'm personally under a curse, but it's one of those ones that's also kind of a blessing that makes it even out. Don't trust Hiro or Angie, because..."_

* * *

_"Now, this might seem like basic stuff, but always try and stick to groups or let your allies know where you are! If you're not going to do that? Learn to be sneaky! Most people suck, but even if you're all enemies if there's more than three of you there probably isn't going to be any slaughtering going on, so you can watch each others' back. Never be afraid to ask for backup, if you can! Safety in numbers._ _If you see something, say something! That information could be the difference between life, death or some extremely shitty stuff. If not for you, then for somebody else and that would make YOU complicit._

_On a similar topic, don't be afraid to ask for help if you can't do something! If you can't do it you can't do it and there's no point in trying and making yourself look weak and helpless NOT on purpose. But even then, that's not necessarily a bad thing._

_Look, people taking pity on you really sucks, I would know. I've seen the way you all look at me sometimes. But in a life or death situation? It isn't always bad thing because pity can lead to mercy from the people who's hands your life may be in! Being pitiful's fine in some circumstances if it's the difference that means you can get through them, but not SO pitiful that they want to put you out of your misery! Think of it like some kind of charity, like... a homeless shelter! Not exactly what I'm talking about, but you'll get the picture. Like, if rich people see that a place is a fucking dump on the brink of falling apart then of course they're going to want to put money into it. But if it looks too shitty then people are going to think it's not going to be worth bothering with, because it's going to die anyway._

_But once you use that money to make it stop looking like a dump then people are going to stop caring, so you have to keep it just teetering on the edge to milk all that cry money. The people who give money probably aren't going to actually, like, check that it's going anywhere and everyone assumes those places have huge overhead, so you can just keep it on life support, actually cut costs back even further and -_

_Sorry, I got a little off track there. Oh, you think I don't know anything about economics just because math is stupid? I've got a whole bit on economics planned later because this is my video and I can do what I want and I'm calling it, umm... Hiyokonomics! Dumbass!"_

* * *

_"Like I was saying earlier, you have bravery, you have pride, you have dignity and you have your principles. Only the last one might be worth dying for, but I HIGHLY doubt that when push comes to shove you won't regret it. I'd rather be a hypocrite than a cute body._ _A lot of rookies say they value pride over everything else and refuse to sacrifice their dignity or stand up and fight when they shouldn't, which is why they die when they might have lived. It doesn't matter what you have to give up, living is the single most important thing in your life, because after that? Your life stops!_

_The one exception? Killing someone, don't do that, it sucks. We'll go over this later. "But what if someone did try and kill you?" If you think your life's worth more than theirs then that's up to you. But that doesn't mean you should be able to forgive yourself._

_I've seen people refuse to beg for their lives in bad kidnappings or hostage situations, even if the threat's super obviously real. If they're lucky that might work, but you're probably going to get pistol whipped and dragged off for an interrogation. The really unlucky ones are the ones that say that and then find themselves with a gun in their mouth so they don't have a chance to change their mind and say they're sorry. No final words for you, dummy! That doesn't mean you shouldn't fight back, but you don't have to be a MORON about it because you'll accomplish nothing and only make things worse for everyone else as your legacy._

_On the other hand? it's the weepy ones that GIVE UP that piss me off the most. They don't even offer a token resistance and just try and... do whatever their captors say. You can't just accept that you're what they say you are. You have to fight back at some point or you're not even going to be a person! You're just a... THING that belongs to them. At least struggle before you choke."_

* * *

_"...because it's not shameful to cry and running away isn't always a bad thing to do! Whether you're going to get help or saving yourself running away can sometimes be the bravest and most important thing you'll ever do! There's a difference between bravery and having a matyr complex! We'll get into those guys later. If something's going to kill you or someone's doing bad stuff that you can't fight back against then there's no point in dying, because even if you can't do anything about it yet you might still be able to do something about it in the future. This point's going to come for everyone sooner or later, and I hope for your sake that you make the right move._

_Speaking of which, if something happens and you aren't being immediately blackmailed or threatened then TELL SOMEONE. Even if you are, try and get the signal out. When suspicions are running high always try and make sure there's a good friend or some kind of witness who can either vouch for you, cover for you or towel the blood off to make sure you're OK..._

_...ALWAYS LISTEN TO PEOPLE'S ADVICE! Don't just ignore it or brush it off. I mean, it may be wrong and stupid, but at least try and listen to it all the way through so you can properly judge that for yourself..._

_...I warned him he was going to be a target and he acts all calm and says "We're all potential targets. I'll be sure to keep my guard up." Grrrr. Then I'm like, no, you specifically are going to be a target because I figured out what you're hiding, moron! And then he stands over and tries to intimidate me like I'm trying to blackmail him, which probably would have been better for both of us. I tried to say that he needed to fess up now, in public and beg for forgiveness from everyone before someone less forgiving than me tells them for you. That gives you a chance to spin it in your own terms, like you didn't really know. But he wouldn't listen and tells me to watch MY back. I was trying to HELP!"_

**𝓘 n the dark down fourteen stairway ways they'd forbid me to go.**   
  
**𝓘 danced a secret dance grandmother failed to teach me not to know.**

"...the coffin with YOUR daughter in there! You must've switched mine with hers, dummy. I'd hurry if I were you, being buried alive by your own mother must suck." She totally starts screaming when she realises what she's done and I'm like, "No, SHITHEAD, your daughter's at SCHOOL! It's a SCHOOL DAY! Don't try that again or I'm gonna bop you on the head!" Honestly, servants just can't take a joke to-

Oh, welcome back! One of the most important things to consider when someone's after your life is why you're in that situation. Perhaps you just pissed someone off, but I wouldn't really know anything about that because I just have a natural charisma and I'm super good friends with everyone who's counted as a person! And the losers you're stuck hanging out with? They're the most important thing to understand if you don't want to end up zapped with lasers or killed in some kind of an ironic way based on your talent! Saw one of those for me in advance once which I think it was some kind of, like, silk weaving thing? I just stuck some gum in one of the cogs, whole thing fell to pieces super easy. Total hack job.

But we'll get to those jerks later. As I was saying earlier, whether you're in a killing game or not most of the things that'll kill you are the ones you won't see coming at all, so you can't skip out of the way! But you can mitigate the risk by taking a step back, making an honest assessment of your situation and looking at all the things that could make your day turn gross without you even realising it.

Consider a hostage situation. Have you ever been in one? If you answered no, how can you be sure? Most of the time you probably don't ever find out because it just never comes up and you stupidly put trust in people's good intentions like a moron. It might not even be the primary purpose of you being there, because the really smart ones don't even have to actively take hostages, they just let them do the work and come to them willingly. If they're super dumb they might even pay you for the privilege. That's working smarter, not harder! For more information on that kind of thing check out my _Hiyokonomics_ course! 

Here, let me just show you a clip from one of my instructional dance videos, this might clear some things up."

* * *

_"Here's a fun dance that tells you a story about fish! Every story tells a dance, even if the story is that you're super bad at dancing. I actually came up with this one myself. Remember to relax your fingertips like we've been practicing and let them sort of wave in a cute curvy pattern, like the water. Like this, up and down, up and down. Then your fan becomes the fishy tail! Walk in a circle in front of your mirror doing this, if you have one. But if you don't then that's OK too! if you don't have a fan then use a piece of printer paper, like I showed you earlier. Getting your form right's the most important thing, your equipment doesn't matter at the beginning as long as you have the movements down..._

_...the other fish tell it to ignore the shiny lure, because they know all about the big scary gross fish lurking on the other end who wants going to eat them up ...you know about that fish too, right? But our clever fish can't stay away even if it's so smart, not only because the lure's so darn pretty but because it wants to know the secrets of the fish hidden on the other end. That way it can warn the other fish and they can be safe! Besides, it's smart and fast enough to avoid the nasty ugly fish because it already knows it's lurking just out of sight, right?_

_...just because the other fish was huge and ugly and looked slow didn't mean it wasn't smart too. But as the jaws close around them they notice the other secret, the one that it didn't notice because it was hidden in plain sight when the clever fish spent too long trying to look below the surface. The big fish is really also following the lure it's attached to. The lure's secretly been the one that's leading the dance and telling the big fish where to feed. Because the big fish is always hungry, and if the lure doesn't keep on shining and dancing forever? It's going to get eaten too."_

* * *

"You may still be wondering why I'm showing you this? I bet you're all like "duhhhh, is that a metaphor for you?" You'd be right in, like, a couple of senses, buuuut since you guys always have a lot of trouble figuring this stuff out I'm going to let you in on a little trade secret for free: These stories can always be interpreted in multiple ways and have more than one meaning.

Let's go back to what I was talking about before. If you want hostages, you obviously want the most rich and influential ones you can get and, just like I said, you want to make them come to you because it saves time and money on dumb kidnappings. So you build a shiny lure or, better still, you use one that you already have and just polish it up a bit to make it even prettier! You make them think "I want that shiny fish bauble! I gotta chase after it and get as close as possible. Even if I can't _quite_ grab it I can still bask in it's light and look shiny, so I'll get my parents to pull some strings and study hard so I can enroll in the new _Reserve Course_ because one day I might be an Ultimate too!"

If something really big went down it'd be convenient to have all the children of the most rich and influential people in the country already scrambling to get into one boarding school with a convenient new elementary school pipeline, wouldn't it? If one of them looks like they're going to start acting up? A certain _someone_ here caves the back of their daughter's head in and makes it look like someone pretending to make it look like a pervert with an admirable level of professionalism. Once you've completed my course you'll pick up on stuff like that from day one!

Did you know they were going to open up a university program here in a couple of years? They were about six months away from making a public announcement when stuff went seriously down the toilet, but I don't think we ever would have gotten to leave even if it hadn't. We were always going to be trapped in here. There was going to be a war. Maybe two or three different groups were planning one, not including Ultimate Despair. The whole country was going down the drain and I thought this was the safest place for us to be, so even if Junko didn't succeed you can rest assured _we_ would have taken good care of you all. 

I'm trying my hardest to slip you guys as many answers as I can because something's making people not listen to me when I try and point this stuff out. I'm trying to help but everyone just tunes out. Do you know how confident I am you guys aren't going to watch these? Look at the number I'm writing here. That's when I'm recording this, I'll probably put the rest together when I feel like it and whenever Sayaka finishes her fake TV station so I can blast out this info 24/7 and try to brute force it. If Future Foundation show up and start threatening us in the next few months I am going to be pissed off, by the way. That's where all the _least_ talented students go."

_~~Mahiru~~ _

_~~If I die you have to sit down and force everyone to watch these videos, together. All of it. People always ignore me, but maybe you can make them finally pay attention now that I'm dead. This is everything I have. You, Byakuya and Junko will be getting versions of this letter, so work together with them if you have to. I love you all. Kiyo's going to be getting a separate letter with all the observations I have that he should find useful, and so will Kyoko because I owe her this much for what I did to her. She deserves to know the full story.  
  
~~_ **Not going to die, dumb idea. I'll just invite her over for tea and tell her tomorrow. We have enough mysterious drama >:P**

 ~~-last letter of~~ **~~Hiyoko Saionji~~ That's not funny, Kiyo! I hope BUGS get under your mask and you CHOKE ON BUGS like they did to Hiyoko XIV!  
  
** _Like in The Mummy?_ **YES, like in The Mummy! It was messed up, bad way to go out. Mediocre dancer, though.**

**But it's not all fun and killing games! At least 98% of deaths within Ultimate demographics occur outside of them, and you can never be too prepared. Hiyoko _also_ makes it easy to spot the signs, avoid the dangers and handily survive common, everyday situations such as:  **

**Rigged theater equipment! **

_"Do you think if I stopped bullying Mikan all at once people would think I've turned over a new leaf? Of course not! They'd assume I was setting up some stage lights to fall on her during a rehearsal. If you think you need to apologize for something and change your behavior then do it SLOWLY, otherwise people will get suspicious. I mean, I still bully her kinda and she DOES still piss me off, but someone said I had to keep doing that and slowly taper her off until we reach this point and I don't ever want to break that trust."_

** Carbon monoxide! **

_This is actually a pretty clever method of murdering someone, but also you just kind of have to watch out for it in general. Fire alarms and fire exits, too. I just worry about this stuff a lot, which is why it's good to have Kazuichi around to do all the menial work. Make sure to get someone taller than you to check your detectors are all working and then have someone else check it to make sure they aren't lying!_

** Michelin Star meals laced with growth stunting hormones laced with poison!  **

_"... don't have any activated charcoal on hand for some reason then eat as much sugar as you can, like Rasputin! For cyanide, anyway. Candy and soda is ideal obviously, but just straight up eat handfuls of sugar if you don't have any. If you're somewhere and they don't have any sugar on hand at all then that's a clear sign that you should be real suspicious. Throw a huge tantrum to get sugar if necessary. Sugar might rot your teeth if you forget to brush them because you're gross, but they won't rot it away as fast as cyanide like in that one James Bond movie..._

_...of course not, idiot! God, you're so gullible. Cyanide doesn't ACTUALLY do that. Getting poisoned by it still totally sucks, though."_

** Scary guys in grey morphsuits!  **

_"...says needs more original content for her little fake TV station because she constantly has to be the centre of attention and needs constant love and reinforcement, which is why all those rumors about her started up in the first place. So I film all of this helpful advice for her so I can help people not die. She watches the first five minutes and says "Wow Hiyoko, this is great! I'm super interested. If you have any more of this then you could totally repackage it into, like, an infomercial. I'm sure other people would be interested too." But THEN she only airs it at, like, 2:00 AM because she thinks that would be more "authentic", which not only means nobody's paying attention to it! Not that they would anyway, I think there's some kind of curse affecting me."_

** Staged car crashes! **

_"...I still would've made it out of the way in time because I was already super good at dancing, but those idiots shouldn't have done it in a place where someone was able to push me to safety. Honestly? Killing an outsider in collateral damage isn't just unforgiveable and I hope they go to hell for it, obviously, but it's also just straight up EMBARASSING. Oh, yeah, she looked nice I guess. What's wrong with that? I AM sad about it, obviously, unless she was an actor. Wipe that expression off your face and pay more attention to ME, Hajime! Other peoples' stupid backstories don't matter! If you haven't figured out that we were all always connected by fate in some way by now you're almost as dumb as Mikan!"_

** Being tied to railroad tracks by a guy in a top hat! **

_"First of all, if you see a guy in a top hat and a moustache but it's not the devil? Super suspicious and also the devil doesn't look anything like that, so I don't even know how people are dumb enough to get that confused. The devil's always going to do everything but straight up tell you that they're the devil, because those are the rules. There are worse types out there, honestly. Speaking of which,_ _getting sacrificed and having your soul dragged down to hell even though you've done nothing wrong's a bad way to go out, the supernatural survival killing game was all kinds of messed up."_

** Slippery tiles!  **

_"...and twisted my knee. Water in general's a big danger area, because you're totally defenseless against anyone stronger than you unless you have a weapon, which they'll clearly be able to see and plan around because you don't have anywhere to hide it. That's why it's important to always wear flip flops and have a buddy who can back you up and towel you off. If you're afraid, stick to groups. Yaaay!"_

** Ninjas!**

_"Pfffft, ninjas are so lame and overrated. They suck at everything they're meant to be used for compared to regular assassins at this stage and it's embarrassing. It must be horrible knowing you spent your whole life deliberately being raised in prestigious traditional fields only to find those skills have almost zero practical application in the real world. I bet they weren't even allowed access to the internet because they didn't want them learning too fast. If that branch of the family had enough money to hire someone like Maki then maybe, MAYBE they would have had a chance. Buuuut there are a lot of branches and there isn't a lot of money going around compared to how it was before, which was the whole problem. I've seen the invoices, she was super expensive. Tax deductible, too. Must've been a nice little investment piece for someone."_

** Tarantulas in your futon!**

_"...was always too tall for her age and she ran off crying just because I said she looked like a, pffft, heron with eczema, like, twenty seconds after we first met at my birthday party. She has weird knees, look at them! I bet her mother totally didn't let her eat for a couple of days for that one. So that's why she doesn't count, the robot's more of a faulty appliance and Miu's actual age is more of an ethical rejoinder to knock Kaede down a couple of pegs if I need to undermine her confidence and group standing, but only in an emergency situation because she's my friend. Always keep stuff like that in your back pocket._ _Also, they've both got skanky cow tits. Anyway, that's why I think I should still count as the youngest one here."_

** And many more!**

* * *

"Wow, those sure do sound like useful hints that everyone except me should probably listen to if they don't want to die! But what about the killing games? And what about that everyone except me? And you, of course! You'll find a lot of the advice I'm going to give you in this preview's killing game related, but the same rules also apply to your everyday existence. And we're also going to go over plenty of other purely hypothetical scenarios to test your knowledge and give you the best opportunity to not only succeed in killing games...but also in life!  
_**"Blood Lust" written on the walls? Gee, I wonder who THAT could be.  
**_ For example, let's imagine the guy you've spent your whole life being groomed to marry suddenly dies at a party with no witnesses, which means he was either stupid enough to go in without some kind of bodyguard or doing something so disgusting that he didn't want anyone else to see, soooo either way he definitely had it coming. It's good in one way because he was, like, not a guy you'd want to marry, but it also means that you're now the _actual_ heir to the family instead of just a nominal one who's expected to give up her position and get struck off the family register once the marriage happens, which super sucks.   
_**I was just tossed away like dirty laundry for the maid to clean up.  
**_ But his son already has more than one wife and doesn't want one that's thirty years younger than him that they intentionally raised helpless and ornamental to the point where she can't even tie her own kimono sash, so you get bumped down to being engaged to one of HIS sons to save face, but then the dowry money your family were expecting won't be coming in from that marriage. Not only does this mean that almost all the influence you've managed to scrape together's going to disintegrate ASAP, your family also aren't exactly as wealthy as they used to be so now you're on the verge of being a liability and sooner or later they're going to kill you in front of whoever's coming after you _as a lesson_. There's _already a Hiyoko the twenty seco-_ Just kidding! _She died, hemophiliac, pushed into a rose bush. I couldn't have done it because I was in a killing game they were praying I also died in._

How do you respond to this hypothetical scenario? I'll show you, through the magic of traditional dance! Awww, shucks, you guys never really get that kind of thing so I'll just tell you. I still had a couple of little connections left over from the, uurgh, real Hiyoko Saionji enthusiast creeps who watched my shows, so after I invite them backstage for a tea ceremony I sidle up _Sayaka style_ and go, listen to this. Ahem..."

* * *

_"Wow! You're on a big school committee? Like in the driving wheel sense? That's, like, really interesting, Mr. Bald Guy. I'm too young to drive, but I do think I'd look REALLY cute in a little school uniform and I'd be really prestigious as a student, b-but... I can't leave my grandma alone because she's, snfff, probably going to die in the few years, waaah! Then I'd have to become head of the family and grow up to have all sorts of responsibilities and political power and become a really super valuable for someone tall and handsome to willingly have on their side. Waaah!_

_If only some kind of b-big and strong institution were to take me under their wing and protect me from meanies, who all want to hurt me because I'm a little girl who can't fight back or marry me and make me have babies because even though I'm really small and delicate they say my body has some kind of important bloodlines. D-do you know which ones they are or what that means? If someone could help me I bet I could give them all kinds of useful information as advanced payment in case someone else was planning a nasty little coup, but not the one you're thinking of. I'm snfff, sorta homeschooled, so I don't think I'm very book smart, but that means I don't follow the traditional grade structure and I could technically be accepted at any point if...if I showed you some of my special dances to prove how good I am?_

_...nope?_

_Uurgh, fine, let's try a different approach. If you announce publically that I've been accepted as the youngest student ever then my family won't be able to decline and it'll look super bad for them if I mysteriously die, which would also totally suck for you because I can give you everything you need to know about the Tojo family. No, they're not the ringleaders, dummy! They're a weak point and the eldest daughter's a super huge bitch. I can probably keep my position tenable for the next year at most, if you can get me out of here after that then I am fully prepared to marry whoever you want me to once I come of age. If you want them I can smuggle out some maps of all the ancestral land F.F. bought from my family when those other assholes killed Ishimaru and nearly bankrupted us in the process. We don't even own most of the villages any more! You can personally make use of the proxy vote I'm entitled to until I arrive, at which-_

_Huh? Did I forget to mention that? Whoops! Speaking of land claims, did I mention I'm also the only living descendant of [_____] [________]? So... you actually kind of have to._

_Y-you CAN help me arrange that? Wow, your hands are so big. Yay!"_

* * *

"People call me "entitled", which is true, but being entitled just means you have titles and privileges that come with them, duh! I was entitled to a place at Hope's Peak Academy whichever way you look at it, just like everyone else here. I always use whatever tools are available to me to survive, because doing anything else would be dumb.  
  
Speaking of which, sometimes you can't always get what you want, but in a killing game it IS useful to know what works and what doesn't. You don't want to head in wearing the wrong outfit. My instructional package also gives you a thorough guide to all the tools of the trade. Let's take a look at some of what you can expect!"

### Equipment: What's hot... and what's not!

**Know your weapons! **

_"...see this? Tessenjutsu is a traditional martial art preformed using an iron fan! There's a long history of using it to defend yourself because you can hide it as a regular fan, which when it comes down to it is pretty much USELESS compared to, like, a **GUN**? Wow, you can deflect arrows, cool! Tessenjutsu must have been useful, like, a thousand years ago when people were DUMB. Just get out of the way! The only person who kills using arrows now is Maki using that crossbow of hers, and I'm far from her first priority if she's killing anyone, so..."_

_"...and that's why I prefer to keep any firearms I do have hidden unless I really need to let someone know I have one so they don't try anything. But the most important rule of firearms apart from, like, safety? DON'T KILL ANYONE if there's even a SLIGHTEST chance you can get out of it by not doing that. Shoot to wound, intimidate or incapacitate. Blow a knee off and run away! They might survive that and learn a valuable lesson, but killing someone is one of THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN EVER DO even IF it's them or you. If it haunts you? Good. Live with that."_

** Dress to impress! **

_**"Bullet-proof vest? Stab-proof vest?** Bullet-proof vest? Stab-proof vest? The two are mutually exclusive, so you gotta figure out which one's more appropriate for you. Personally? I think bulletproof vests are way more important, because if someone can stab you and it doesn't work because of the vest then guess what... they can just stab you again in the throat! What's good about either of these is that if you wear something like a kimono they can easily be hidden under there and your assailants will be none the wiser!"_

_The best birthday present I ever got was a bullet-proof vest they'd secretly had made for someone my size and helped me put it on, even though that's super nasty even to think about and I hope they're ashamed of themselves. The worst part is that they had to do that AGAIN a couple of years later. Not only did it work, but it also warned me that a bullet was coming later in the night! I later learned how to slip one of those on under a kimono without taking it off, which is very difficult."_

_"...because, like I keep saying, "Dignity isn't worth dying for!" If you stink a little bit because you haven't had a bath then that's better than smelling bad because you weren't wearing your vest and got shot in the guts and if you've seen that happen to someone you already know the look they have in their eyes because it's really painful and slow and they also smell horrible and that's a pretty bad way to go out. You can't just REPLACE your guts, unless..."_

_...speaking of bathing, always bring **a pair of flip-flops** if you can! If there's a threat and you want to get out of there in a hurry which, again, dignity isn't worth dying for, you don't want to slip over and fall flat on your butt! Not only would that be Mikan-level embarassing, but you'd be completely defenseless."_

** Bodyguards or bodyguaren'ts?**

_"...why I'm only listing **bodyguards** as tools here in the capacity as they act as bodyguards. You'd assume bodyguards are useful, right? Well, they're better than nothing, but they're not infallible because there's no guarantee they'll be loyal because the people who become bodyguards suck most of the time. Pluuus if you have them people will know you're one of the ones worth targeting. You always have to be extra careful you know exactly who's hiring them and exactly who's bribing them.  
  
_ _** Every time I saw something like what was done to her I tried to interfere or prevent it, however I could. If I ever succeeded I never saw it, because why would I? But I never stopped trying.  
** _ _There are exceptions to every rule, of course, I never met Fuyuhiko before I came here but one of the other girls did and when she told me he not only had a Peko, but a fancy one with all the accessories? I was super jealous, because a **meat shield** like that might actually be useful! Her name's a total giveaway, imagine having that on your birth certificate. He's too soft to be a yakuza and went super easy on her so she's kind of become a human being instead of a tool, which IIII was always told you weren't meant to do, buuut I'm not one to judge other monsters for their, y'know, how do I say this. "Alternative lifestyle choices"? Look, I still don't think it's OK on more than one level but Byakuya likes her, so she gets a pass and we're friends now, kind of.   
  
_

_**Guard dogs?** Guard dogs are usually way better.They're loyal, they're friendly, they can keep you warm at night when you're feeling frightened and they can sense danger and alert you from further away. Seriously, getting a guard dog was the best decision I've ever made! I wish you guys could meet him right now, but..."_

**I made it through five games without becoming a killer and entered the sixth pre-tarnished. I wanted to stop the dance, then, so he barely managed to pull me through it. We leave as we enter, but we always leave together.  
  
**

### Know thyself!

"Know thyself! A saying from Ancient Greece. Did you know we have written words, legends and even song lyrics from as far back as _Sumeria_? That's almost twice as far back as my family tree goes! I only really know about dances, but there's dances from all across the world and a lot of knowledge kept in there that you can decipher. Me and Kiyo think we found some dance instructions from there, which we've been trying to figure out. We don't have the music so it's going to take a long time, but we can work on it together with Ibuki and it's fun to keep ourselves occupied. Working together's important!

We're actually going to talk about him and all the great friends you'll meet in a killing game in a minute, but know thyself means that before you get to know everyone else you gotta learn about your own role in the big scary scheme of things! And not just your abilities, the big stuff Who are you? Why are you doing all the cute things you do? What led to you making these decisions? What are you dong wrong? What can you learn? We're all a product of our environments and understanding how you reached this point is vital for communication and figuring out how everyone's going to be pitted against each other! That's called being self aware, but here's the important thing: _we have free will, so that kind of doesn't matter._

Real talk, idiots, what pisses me off is when people try and use self awareness as an _excuse_ for their behaviour. You can't justify your actions with fancy words and make excuses for why it's not really your fault, or how it's not fair because she's the one with the problem, but you also can't act like being aware of why you're doing it makes it any better, like you're suddenly going to change like you're clicking your fingers! Like, oh, I recognise what I'm doing's wrong. I made some mistakes, I'm r-really sorry... Good! But _that doesn't mean you can feel better now_.

I'll fully admit I can be a tiny bit annoying sometimes, because of what I've learned and what I've been through. I can do shitty things and act like a bitch, but at least I don't try and use the stuff that happened to me to forgive myself. Did I treat Mikan like shit? Yes! Was it because she pisses me off and reminds me of what I might have been like if I was a fucking _coward_ and gave up like her? Probably! Does me realising this make it any better? Does my past justify my actions?

 _Of course not!_ What pisses me off about her is that if I say I'm sorry and ask her to forgive me and don't be mean to her again she's just going to go ahead and _do it_ like I've _earned the right._ She _deserves_ to learn to hate me or at least punch me in the fucking face once but she _doesn't,_ even though it's _her right,_ which _she's earned._ She might not even hate _her parents_ after what they _did_ to her and _I don't know how she's still alive_.

She doesn't know I'm the one who pointed Junko in her direction, and I don't want her to. I recognised what I was doing was wrong, her situation was getting worse because she's probably just as cursed as me and and I was far from the worst bully she had, even here. When I spotted something or someone I could go to and try to help fix her I immediately took action, because even when I can't say something out loud I speak up where I can and _do something_ , because otherwise I'd be complicit. That's what makes me better than him. But that doesn't make the first part better and now I'm locked into it.

Whatever this is, she could have gotten us out of it. She always treated me as an equal and never looked down me once, apart from physically because she's taller than me for now. I hope she wakes up soon."

** I held my tongue and stuck my neck out for her _so many times_. I risked _everything_ and probably saved her from dying _at least_ twice, because she was my hope that we could fix it and make things good. They blackmailed _my best friend's mom_ to stop her from releasing the photos _I leaked to her_ and she said I couldn't do anything yet because she needed me to stay in position for a day that never came. The old men were getting desperate for results and kids our age were _dying_. I saw the _numbers_. They kept getting bigger and _she was next in line_. **

** Then I hear Mukuro say they consider _Mikan_ to be an _honorary despair sister_.**

"...but the ones who make me really mad are the ones who become super cool, well adjusted individuals because of the opportunities they had and _act like it's no big deal_ and everyone should just _be_ like them. Wow, that's crazy! It sucks that other people eat beef and didn't become vegan just because they haven't been travelling enough to see the Amazon or whatever. It must be easy to be really smart and philosophical if you've never had to struggle properly and got all those horizon-expanding educational opportunities.

Kaede's kind of an oblivious dipshit, but if there's one good thing about the used dick garage she's dating it's that it's that she's given her some fucking perspective on how comfortable her life was, not that she would have noticed because she was too piano-focused. Also, dating her means Kaede's instantly dragged down to pigshit-lower class for the rest of her life, which I figure's penance enough.

Don't act like you're better than any of us just because you pretend like you're one of them because you're _not_. If you're a rich piece of garbage like me and Byakuya then _own it._ Be all "there's no ethical consumption", like, OK, I get that, but you don't get super, ultra rich without someone somewhere down the line getting crushed underfoot for your comfort like the ants I'm not even allowed to kill any more because I'm afraid the caveman will find out and that was my _outlet_. 

But what about that everyone except me and you, huh? People are usually going to react in certain ways to certain situations and the killing game is largely influenced by a combination of the circumstances they're built to establish and the social dynamics formed by the people within it. That's why it's important to know your fellow participants. I don't like to stereotype, but you've definitely got a bunch of archetypes you can apply to people and if you follow the guidelines you can kind of predict how certain situations are going to play out. Let's look at some clips now!"

### Know Your Friends... and Enemies!

 **Hiyoko gives you an easy field guide to everyone ** ** you'll probably meet when placed in a deadly life-or death game! Whether it's one where you have to solve puzzles, murder each other and then solve it in a trial system, escape a paradoxical castle using your supernatural abilities or just straight up vote on who gets killed you'll always know who to hate and who to tolerate using her tried and true experience. Learn all about...**

**Detectives! **

_"A detective's usually only useful after someone's already died and that's like, wow, thanks Captain Hindsight! Try PREVENTING deaths for a change."_

** American Tourists **

_"Where's the bathroom? How do I ask where the bathroom is?" Uuuuuuurgh. Just die already!"_

**Mysterious tall weird guys! **

_"These guys suck, they usually smell weird. If they act like they know more than they do? Warning signs! Unusually calm? Double warning sign! If you have to vote for anyone to die first make it one of these creeps. There's always one or two, and they're always hiding something. If they're the same thing only "cool" then they're going to have a secret that's either worse or more pathetic, or both."_

** Perverts!  
**

_"...you know what happened to the last guy who tried to touch me? Neither do I, it's really weird and the police don't talk about it."_ **  
**

** Martyrs! **

_"...what starts as "I'm going to end this killing game even if it costs me my life!" always ends with "I-it's OK, don't worry about me! Promise to be strong for my sake and-geckh!" They usually try and put on a brave face, but I look into their eyes every time and they regret it when the noose drops. Don't. Self. Sacrifice. And if you do, at least try not to smile about it. Dying totally sucks so you might as well be honest and cry about how afraid you are._

_I heard Kaede's still having those dumb nightmares every time she goes to bed. Good. Remembering the feeling every time she wakes up choking just means she won't make that mistake. The tightness around her neck is a kindness, because puking over your bedsheets and whore girlfriend every other night means you're still alive."_

** Rich Assholes!**

_"...a jerk, obviously, but he's always been reliable even if he's a creep who needs to keep his hands off and not just PICK ME UP when he wants me to stop fighting someone! Just ASK!"_

**Tricksters! **

_"If they're like, "Oh, this killing game seems super interesting, I can't wait to play it and enjoy the chaos because that's what I thrive in! That's how I'll win!" Uh, no it isn't and no you won't, loser. Don't act like you're smarter than you are and think you're going to make it all the way, chode! You're going to die an ultimately meaningless death, get people killed and pretend like you were on everyone's side all along. Nobody finds you lovable!"_

** Cops! **

_"If you were such a good cop you wouldn't have ended up here. Taking bribes under the table, calling it now."_

** Repeat Players!**

_"You can just tell, if you're another one. If it's not someone you recognise then be cautious and feel out their intentions until you can tell if they've made it out via cooperation or backstabbing. The most I've seen anyone else get pulled back in apart from me is three times, but the last time I saw her she was missing an eye and seemed to have lost her memories. I had to make myself forget about something once, because that part of the game said you'd die if you'd lie and then it didn't count because I genuinely didn't know about him any more and we could slip by. Maybe for her it was better that she didn't get them back."_

** French Tourists!**

_"Not all foreigners are bad! "ZUT! Un autre putain de jeu d'assassinat mutuel. Et la nourriture ici est horrible aussi. C'EST pourquoi je déteste quitter la France!" I caught up with him via email when I got here and learned how to use the internet! He'd invested his winnings in three boats which he used to catch "le poisson". If anyone's alive out there? It's him."_

**Seemingly Obvious Murderers! **

_"Pretty useful to have on side, actually. Like, if it's too obvious then you just have to exercise precautions when you're around them and you'll be safer than with the aformentioned weird tall guys, for sure, at least once you pass the first couple of hurdles. If they're just a weirdo, which these guys usually are, then they're going to try extra hard to prove they're not a murderer or a girl toucher. And if they are a killer? They'll have the experience to recognise what's happened and help out. It's the ones that don't look creepy that you have to worry about, but if they straight up admit to being a serial killer then you have a new best friend! Killing game priorities are different, because..."_

** Hitmen!**

_"I use this phrase to refer to guys who are like assassins, but less cool. Think classic mafia thugs, I saw Peko get huffy when Aoi called her this. I think of it as a more polite way to say "deadly hired goon". Hifumi but violent. The thing is that apart from the high level professionals most people who make the CHOICE to become killers and weren't raised into it, which is moderately less unforgivable, are also kind of stupid for doing that? Like, the first guy they ever sent to kill me got caught before he even made it into the right hospital ward. Imagine knowing you're too stupid to suffocate a baby who can't even breathe outside an incubator. It's literally harder to not kill it, moron!"_

**Hiyoko Saionji! **

_"I'm the only one you can trust 100%!"_

** And many more... **

**I spent so long fighting to survive and claw my way up the ranks that I was never prepared to actually reach the top of the food chain. Then, when** **I suddenly found myself with real, real power for the first and only time I didn't know what to do.** **I only made one judgement call, but it was really just a stupid gamble to throw one last spanner in the works and I'm afraid it was the wrong one. Then I ran away, because I'm a coward.  
**

**I know how Kirumi must have felt when she was Prime Minister, except her family raised to be a leader and I was raised to be a _conspirator_. We both tried to rebel in stupid ways, but look at where we are now. When her moment of truth came she took charge in a crisis to save the day and in mine I slunk back into the shadows like a snail. It makes me want to puke.**

### Hiyoko will just give you the answers you need for _zero charge!_

"Look, I know nobody's watching this and if they do there's a 90% chance that even if they are then they're going to forget this, so I'm just going to straight up explain this stuff as explicitly as I can so anyone without even the slightest ability to read between the lines can figure it out. _Please_. Sometimes they listen when I try and explain this stuff, but never all of it and then they just _forget_ about it. Here's everything I've got about our current situation:

So, we're trapped in some sort of facsimile of previous killing games we may have participated in in past lives, which we only partially remember due to some weird and scary dreams that kept forcing us to try and kill each other until I solved it. I mean, Kiyo solved it with his dumb ritual, but he was just kind of winging it while I knew what I was actually doing. If it's parallel universes then that's really bad, but if it _is_ past lives or reincarnation then that's prossibly the worst case scenario for me because reincarnation's _what I've been trying to prevent_.

I don't think Ultimate Despair's behind this, and my old faction aren't behind it because _we killed the others_. People keep mentioning his... I mean, _it's_ name, but I don't want to say it. The worst thing in the world. Worse than the devil. The enemy. And make no mistake, it's an _it_. Don't think of it like a person, because it won't look at you like you're one either. We have to stop it before it it reaches that point because _sometimes strangling that baby in the crib like they tried to do to me is the right thing to do_.

But the thing is, we've been in here for over a year and time's barely passing. The flow's different. Is it because the killing game hasn't actually happened yet, or is that the whole point? I can tell this because my growth spurt hasn't ended but I've only grown, like, half a centimetre in the time we've been down here! I think Kaede's figured that part out, but she doesn't want to tell anyone because she doesn't want to risk the people on the other end knowing because they might kill her sister just like- anyway, I can't do the maths yet because I suck at it and every time I ask someone to work on this with me they say they'll do it later and just... forget about it! I've asked Celeste, like, a dozen times because she's the one who's good at that math stuff, but now even _Byakuya's_ just tuning me out now like I'm not important to him after _everything we did for each other!_

I just can't connect all the dots, but I always feel like I'm _almost_ on the path to breaking through to the secrets! I know I'm not the only one who notices this stuff, but I've been further ahead than anyone else for a while because learning about this stuff is _what I do_. There's stuff that keeps happening over and over and there aren't actually that many stories, but you just have to figure out how to apply each of them in different ways. We're on repeat. For a long time I only had stuff I memorised from my family's old stories and dance archives, but it was more than enough for me to find a way out before the games started and find a loophole to keep surviving, so I'm sure if I can just get some _help_ again I can find another one just like I did for me and Junko and-  
  
 **My ever-loyal companion. My dance partner. My oldest friend.  
** I just... oh, wait, I think I get it now. He's making them ignore me. That's how we keep surviving. I think I'll always be a little girl in his eyes. Shit, why am I even doing this?

Me and Junko used to talk about this stuff a lot. We found this story with some twin brothers that directly correlates with how if she and Mukuro had launched their plans early then Mukuro might have died sword fighting... Kirumi, I think. Or it could have been the other way around, and Junko might have been the one who died, because the details aren't always the same. The swords might be a metaphor, but the point is that whichever twin lives gets all nihilistic and burns it all down in their grief, but _only if they lose the fight_ , because the end result isn't always the same. But I advised them not to take the plunge, so we were able to avoid that situation entirely because _we figured it out together_.

I miss Junko. She taught me a lot of stuff, we helped each other out and I still have things left to teach her, but I always felt sad and didn't want to because I knew she'd eventually move on to bigger things than me once I was done. If the world hadn't ended the way it did then I think they really could have pulled it off, but only if we all worked together. Mukuro was always the practical one who could actually win a war."

* * *

 **I've seen the old portrait of her they took down. It used to be next to his.  
** I wasn't scared because I was named after her and she was brave and so am I.  
  
 **Someone must have complained it _wasn't appropriate_ any more. That's wrong. She doesn't deserve to be forgotten.  
**That's a lie. It was raining, but when Mukuro saw me hiding there she could tell I'd been crying. What if she'd _failed_?  
  
 **Visiting her was the least I could do, so I snuck into the storage area in the back of the school.  
** I had a duty and I was really scared because I knew I would have had to go through with it. For _all of us._  
  
 **She looked _just like I'm going to._  
** It's a special dance I can only do once.  
 **  
****She was _my age_.  
**First I kill Hajime, then I kill Chiaki, then I kill myself to wrap everything up in a cute little ceremonial bow.  
 **  
** **Do you think she _wanted_ to marry _[ _____] [________]!?!_  
**Arrogance is naming your child after yourself as a way to hitch your legacy to theirs. Let them build their own.

### Hiyokonomics, Dance _**Your** _Way to Financial Freedom and _True Wealth Potential!_

**The Ultimate Survivor shows YOU how you could have theoretically succeeded in life!**  
  
"OK, mask off, what I've got here is the stuff Byakuya won't teach you about how economics works, except dumbed down to the level where even stupid people can understand it. Don't tune out! Here's where it gets juicy, because I'm going to reveal exactly what a _certain someone_ here got wrapped up in and how I figured it out... look, it's Rantaro, I can't hold it in any longer. I'm going to take my time working on this because I have better stuff to do, so if this information isn't already out there by the time I broadcast this video, which I highly doubt, then he HAD his chance _._ If not, they're not going to be able to ignore this one and I'm going to find a little hidey-hole for a couple of days to watch the fallout.

Rantaro always acts like he's soooo cool with his stories about travelling the world on wild adventures looking for his dumb sisters and it was pissing me off, because he thinks he's better than us like he wasn't richer than me and that's how he got to do it. He was all like " _Geeze, I'm Kaede Akam"_ \- sorry wrong one. I'm going to try and make that catch on later. I meant " _Hey there. I'm... Rantaro Amami, I'm The Ultimate Adventurer. I got to go hang gliding in the Congo and find a rare medicine flower and learn about how beautiful the world is. I think I'm better than you because I'm not mean all the time and I have ugly green hair."_

So I decide to go looking for leverage or something to use against him, because that's what I do, and that's when I slowly put the whole thing together. I knew he was rich, and if he's here I knew he'd have some skeletons in his closet, but seriously! His were pretty bad. Actually, you know what? They _genuinely sicken me more than anyone else's here_ and _I know everyone's secrets_ and I'm pretty sure Toko's, like... _a serial killer_ or something. That's just a guess, I'm not going to bring up her file because she's probably just super gross, her glasses look bad, her hair's greasy and she smells _lady_ - _stained._ The _point_ is that Rantaro's a horible human being and I'm going to tell you exactly why...

But FIRST I've got to give you a brief lecture on my theory of _**Hiyokonomics**_! Hiyokonomics would have been your key to gaining **True Wealth Potential** in the outside world before it blew up and we all got trapped down here. To gain **True Wealth Potential** using Hiyokonomics you have to balance out the **Five Financial Power Zones** to create the ultimate **True Wealth Potential Money Model**. The zones are as follows:"

* * *

  * **Government**
  * **Businesses**
  * **Non-profits**
  * **Religions**
  * **Crimes**



* * *

"You've got government, business, non-profits, religion and crime. You already know what the other four are, so let's talk about the real meaning of non-profits, or charities or whatever you want to call them. I'm using the term interchangeably, because who gives a shit. 

A non-profit is called that because it means _none_ of them are going to touch the _profits_ you've _already_ made. You ever see a headline that says, like, "Wow, Mr Togami's donating 90% of his wealth to charity" then I guarantee you it's going to be to something like "The Togami Foundation", just with a less obvious name. If you can get other people to donate to it? Ka-ching! If you get that non-profit to lobby the government for your interests and they can actually be way MORE profitable than pretty much any other kind of investment when you use them in conjuction with the rest of your business.

Do you know how much it costs to bribe a politician? Not a lot! Lemme tell you, putting a delicate little hand on the right knee can get you further than you'd think when it comes to old rich guys, and sometimes they're already real eager to pop in a little money to justify cutting funds from the public sector. There's all kinds of little hidey-holes you can cram your stuff away in, that's kind of what the entire field of accountancy is, but they're a good place to start. But only a start. 

Anyway, let's talk about _crime_. People will always say stuff like "Duhh, crime doesn't pay", but it objectively does? Otherwise people wouldn't do it, unless they're, like, forced to and someone else gets the money I guess. I'm just saying, look at Fuyuhiko's suits! Do you think _Peko_ tailors them? She actually does mend them for him, it's kind of cute. And also with the other thing _he has a Peko!_ That was the trendy name for _one of them_ around when she was born, you know?  
 ** They _adopted_ her and they _turned her into that_ , oh god. She didn't have a choice, but I STILL can't bring myself to forgive a killer. We all deserve to feel like total shit forever. **

Anyway, crime _does_ pay but the only problem with it is that there might be consequences, like there always is for anything. That's why money laundering exists! Gambling and just regular businesses are the most regular methods, because even if you lose some money on the card table or overheads the maths still works out if the money's yours now. Keep those overheads in mind. It might surprise you to know that that's actually kind of what a lot of the big banks- actually, you know what? You know how money laundering works, the point is that there's money in being the middle-man. 

Now, let's talk about religion! Do you know exactly how much money religions make? Nope! That's because they don't tell you, dummy! It's tax free and the best part of it is you can legally just _start your own religion_ once you have a few guys! You can make a whole lot of money from any donations you get to start with, but that's only the beginning even if it IS tax free. See, through said religion you can also run some of those non-profits, like the one I was talking about earlier, then spread the money back and forth between the two. The goal here is to build up enough income to get the government guys I mentioned earlier on board, not so much because of the money then can give you but because you're going to want to get them on your side and have an equally profitable relationship. 

The real money? _That's_ going to come from the crime! You can get some of your initial funding from there, and if you use your religion and your non-profit to launder the money from crime you can totally build up a lot of cash those guys super quick. And the guys who should be regulating it? You've already gotten them on your side in advance, so everybody wins! In fact, the more money flowing around the sector the better they look because they can justify cutting funding from other areas. Because you're not meant to be doing it for the profit nobody cares if there's huge overhead or expenditures, so you can make up however much of the losses you want to take to pump it into somewhere else.

I should probably point out at this point that you also have to be doing, like, some actual charity work, but even though you don't want to do too much that can be pretty useful too if you publicize it and make it look like you're doing the good thing! And charity's charity, so you kind of are, right? Who cares about _percentages_. The ultimate goal here is to get some of those big, sweet _semi-public institutions_ going. You know, like private hospitals and stuff? Government puts in money, you can spend as much of it as you want and spread it around wherever you want it to make more money, invest it into actual businesses and the other parts of your little scheme. At this point? You've basically got it made. 

The final step in Hiyokonomics is to stop being the middleman once you have enough weight and just do your own crimes based from your religion, or your non-profit, which is your business, because if the people in charge of regulating and stopping it are making money from it you've basically got impunity to do _whatever you want_ , because you're helping people and it makes you look good!

The extra cherry on top is that the fake non-profits and real but crummy institutions you're doing this through and allegedly for can pretty much be put on life support, because the crummier they look _the more people will put into them_ , to try and do the right thing. You could have millions of dollars that they should be getting from donations and everything you're putting through them on paper when you actually just feed 'em enough scraps to stay alive, even though they should also be making money from the crimes. People assume they lose a ton of money anyway!, because it's kind of a public service that's not meant to make money, so they won't actually check! And _all of it's tax-deductible for everyone, so everybody's happy!_

That's _**Hiyokonomics!**_ A series of loosely regulated, religion-run semi-public institutions that you can launder money through and commit tax-free crimes out of with near zero impunity or oversight to achieve massive profits! It's the perfect business model, and THAT'S what Rantaro's parents did to get so rich. It didn't stop there, but that's besides the point of my gossip. I've -hckbeh! Sorry, I've been talking for a while, I need a glass of water. How the heck do I stop this camera? Grrr, _I should have gotten Mahiru to help me set-"_

* * *

"Now, here's the thing, if you're _stupid_ you may be wondering, what did that have to do with Rantaro himself? You can try to justify it by being all like _"Duhhh, Rantaro's PARENTS may have totally sucked, but that doesn't mean he had anything to do with it! D-did Rantaro actually get involved in all of this awful mean stuff? He seems like the type of cool guy to keep his nose clean and do charity work overseas!"_ That's you, and are you even listening? You must be as stupid as Mikan! Was Rantaro involved in this?

...NOPE! Rantaro didn't want anything to do with it, he stuck well clear and that's WHY he's complete garbage.

He _could_ have done something and he _could_ have said something, but he didn't even try. Sometimes you run and ask for help, but it turns out all the adults knew about it and they don't care and suddenly you're in trouble too. But if you know someone's getting hurt, you have a chance to do something to stop it but you decide not to because you don't want to _cause a fuss_? That's unforgiveable. He was more interested in doing game quests around the world and having adventures and learning to be such a great guy who's everybody's cool older brother and getting UGLY ear piercings.

Now, if I know Rantaro, which I do, he probably got all philosophical about it whenever he remembered where his parents kept getting richer from, because _"all money's kind of unethical when you think about national borders and the supply chain economy and, I mean they are doing charity."_ But he didn't turn down that fancy yacht, did he? Having a full bank account get topped up every other week makes living the backpacking adventurer lifestyle a lot easier, I'd imagine. His obsession with quote-unquote authenticity makes me want to barf! I might do that thinking about Rantaro later when I'm not on camera talking about how he's the worst human being alive.

He TOTALLY knew. He was rich enough that he could have been a hero who exposed the whole thing and still been rich enough to live in luxury for the rest of his life, but he didn't. So he either just didn't give a shit about all the suffering or he's a brave adventurer who's actually a total coward and ran away to play pirates when it comes to actually risking anything more than a couple of broken bones and solving a problem which he's complicit in. And there _was_ suffering, believe me. That's where this gets rich. Richer than _you, Rantaro._ I'd imagine you just stopped thinking about it after a while, just another cute five figures in your bank account for every time that, well, we're getting to that."

* * *

**I tried to stop it with my family, I tried to stop it here at Hope's Peak, I tried it with every conspiracy and plot I found myself wrapped up in at every stage of my life and I lived to see my attempts fail almost every single time. But I still tried to stop whatever was going on around me that's wrong and even if I was never good at it and messed up every step of the way _that still makes me better than him._**

* * *

"Now, here's where I put the final pieces together. I've got some unique advantages when it comes to figuring this stuff out but I didn't even need to use them after I used my special access to look at Rantaro's family's financial records. All it really came down to is having figured out super early that we're all _magically connected by fate_ in some way, like a big millipede! So it only goes to reason that one or two of us would be tied in with him somehow, right? There are only, like, probably fifty-ish of us here so it was pretty easy to narrow everything down and figure out where the final thread is. Me, Byakuya and Kirumi are all rich, but we never really got involved with his family because we had our own little drama going on.

So when I figured out where the money was coming from for his family I sorted through all of my little patterns and thought about it carefully. At first I was thinking "Mikan", or possibly "Miu", because that hospital _was_ awful. And it was true, kind of, they had some money in there, but it didn't _quite_ line up. Blame Byakuya's grandfather for all the public services in this country becoming shitty, everyone else was just getting in on the action, he'll fully admit it. **_hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite_**

But then the real answer just hit me out of the blue! Well, it didn't _hit me_ hit me, it was actually kind of the opposite of that! I remembered the place where that car _didn't_ hit me. Hey, Rantaro! Are you sure there weren't some starving orphans somewhere that could have used that money? Oh, wait a minute, pfft, there actually _were_!

I warned him and I said he should fess up, but I _didn't_ force his hand and I _didn't_ threaten him because I wanted him to learn his lesson and do it for the right reason. Complicity's complicity. If you miss your chance to speak up and be a hero then you can at least still say something and not be a coward before there are consequences for you. Yeah, I'm spiteful, but it's ultimately a test for him to pass or fail. I learned this kind of thing from Junko."

* * *

**Semi-Public Institution + Non-Profit + Money Laundering + Religion + Underfunded + Crime + Tax Free + Appearance of Doing Good + Government Corruption + People's Donations Not Materializing + Very Profitable Business Model + Secretive Owners + Seemingly Big Overheads + New Religion+ Kids Were Disappearing + Cut Costs + Little Oversight + Place Where People Look the Other Way + Hope's Peak Student  
**

** = ORPHANAGE **

* * *

"If I was _threatening_ him I would _also_ have warned him about Maki.  
  
I'm technically still on the- no, I _am_ the Steering Committee now, so I was able to bring up the _invoices_.

 **She was _tax deductible. Do you think I can forgive that?_** "

 _"I ran away from some shitty religious orphanage a few weeks later. When I got there everyone was all boo-hoo-hoo because one of their friends had left to stop being lazy and get a fucking job or go on foreign exchange a couple of days ago or something, but what’d you expect? It’s an orphanage! Kids were disappearing all the time for whatever reason back then and it wasn't as if she was fucking dead. Toko, ignore that bit, it's probably not important to the story because it's not about me.  
  
Some kids on the street later said it was run by some crazy fucked up cult but I’m pretty sure that was just a cover story for them diddling the kids or having no money because the whole thing was one big fucking attempt at tax fraud and, here's the thing I can tell you from experience: Messed up kids are an Easy. Target. Organised religion, right? Never trusted it, the only fuckin' goddess I believe in is the one I look at in the mirror each morning. And let me tell you, it's not Kaede! Bitch."  
  
_ **\- Miu Iruma  
  
  
**

### A Fairytale Ending

"Here's my story.

Listen real carefully, because this one's important. It's based on a really old story, one of the oldest ones, and I know some of you've at least heard some version of it before. It's about a girl who lived on top of a mountain and a big scary wolf monster. There's a lot of variations and it's shown up a lot of places, but here's the version I was always taught as a kid and it's the original because it's been passed down as tradition for as long as out family's been here. People usually get it wrong, but I learned it via dance and that's how I know it's the real one. 

There was once a big, rich family who lived near the top of a mountain range, closest to the gods. They owned everything in the mountains and had dozens of villages they ruled over and kept well fed and healthy. They thought they were the strongest family in the world, because they had a sacred furnace and the secret knowledge to make a magic metal called "iron", stronger than any bronze. Knowledge is power, right? But suddenly big changes were happening outside the mountains, and before her family knew it everywhere else was owned by big kings with lands wide enough to make their big mountains range look like some little hills. They called them little mountain lords and all demanded tribute, which wounded the family's pride.

They thought about declaring war, because they were a big family with hundreds of sons, but hundreds can't fight against thousands and the kings were learning to make iron too, even if it wasn't as good or as magic. The big kings were busy fighting each other for now, and the wise members of the family pointed out that they could build big walls and defend the mountains forever, because they already lived higher up than any castle wall and had everything in there they needed to live for generations. But in the end the family was too proud, because why shouldn't they be the kings instead of staying content as little mountain lords? The mountains could be a castle tall enough to rule the whole world.

* * *

So they decide to ask the gods on the mountain tops for help and make a pact for the knowledge and weapons they need to defeat their enemies. To seal the deal they promise they'll sacrifice their precious youngest daughter to the evil monster under the mountains, where people's souls get sent when they haven't been good people. Without telling her why her family beats her up and strips her of her possessions, her clothes and even her name, forbidding everyone to remember what she was called before as they prepare her like a meal for the big greedy monster to gobble up like candy. They take her down to the sacred, forbidden cave at the bottom of the tallest mountain and only then do they tell her what's going to happen to her.

They make her walk down the cave, which goes down hundreds of feet below the earth. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? All mountains are bigger down than up, like an iceberg, and it's a maze down there. She's terrified, but still obeys their instructions because was raised to be a dutiful daughter. All she has on her is a single candle so that she can see exactly what about to happen to her and a hair ornament her mother left her as a last comfort. As she reaches the bottom of the cave she hears a slamming noise and knows a heavy iron grate too thick to be made by man alone has slammed behind her, barring the way out so she has nowhere to run away to. Then they roll a big boulder over the cave entrance so there's no other light but her candle.

The candle's light fades, and as she looks around she sees hundreds of desperate scratch marks all over the walls, from tiny ones on the cave stone walls to huge ones that even left a mark on the metal bars that jut in and out of the stone. She feels something crunch beneath her feet and as she looks down to see a bunch of gnawed on bones from other girls who were sacrificed just like she was. Then she hears a growling noise, and as she looks forward and the candle's light snuffs out the last thing she sees are the glowing eyes of a scary humongous wolf. There's nowhere left to run to and in the dark she hears the monster growling. 

* * *

In most versions you'll hear one or two endings to this story.

In one of them the family returns, and as they open up the bars they find the hair ornament the girl was wearing, covered in blood. They offer it up to the gods and ask them for the knowledge and power they requested. But the gods deny them what they asked for, saying that the sacrifice was a test that the family failed. They blindly obeyed the gods' instructions instead of thinking for themselves and refusing to sacrifice their precious daughter, who also failed the test for dutifully walking to her death without fighting back. They were told to kill one of their own, and they did.= it without fighting back or complaining.

By making an unvirtuous decision like that they proved they were no kings, and as punishment they were doomed to be subjugated and squabble amongst themselves over their tiny hill towns for a hundred generations. However, in doing this the Gods broke the pact, regardless of how they justified it, because they didn't have any knowledge left to give and were never planning to follow through on their proposal in the first place. They broke the rules, and in doing so they were abandoned by their followers and lost all of the sacred power that made them gods. 

Blindly following instructions is no excuse, but rules are rules, a promise broken is a promise broken and that can't be excused either.

* * *

In the other ending the girl survives and exits the mountain cave when they roll away the boulder the next day. She left the ornament behind and transformed from a scared little girl into a beautiful and terrifying woman who knew magic secrets even the gods didn't know, with only one secret she didn't. She had glowing red eyes that could see the future, fingers that could plunge through stone as if it were water, lips that could speak lies into truth and hair made of big snakes that whispered people's thoughts to her. The gods had followed through on their side of the bargain.

With her the family possessed the knowledge to craft all the weapons they needed to defeat any foe. The only cost was the sweet and simple girl that she once was. Good deal, right? She had no needs, wants and goals of her own, so she simply did what was asked of her, like a useful tool. Now that they had her they could do and hurt whatever they want! So they take her to war, but instead of the kings outside they use her to turn on the gods they just dealt with and try to replace them, because that's an even higher throne. The family didn't technically break the bargain, but they only followed the letter of the law as opposed to the spirit. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

The war goes back and forth, but on the eve of the last battle the woman sees a hair ornament much like the one she left behind and recalls the girl's name, the one secret she didn't know. She's so stricken with grief, the first true emotion that she's experienced, that she stops being a merely a tool for her family and becomes a human again. During that final battle she discovers a second emotion, anger, and turns on both her family and the gods. Eventually they're forced to team up to defeat her, which they're only able to do because when she gained emotion and willpower she stopped being all-knowing without her total certainty. They tie her up and burn her alive and crush her with a big rock for her troubles, but as she's burning she feels a third emotion and laughs, because they've both become so weakened from all their in-fighting that she can forsee the slow decline that lies in store for both groups.

People aren't tools no matter what you do to them, you can't keep bottling up your emotions forever and eventually if you keep treating someone like an insect they're going to turn around and devour you. It only ends up hurting you both.

* * *

That's the story. It's not a happy one, but most of the old ones aren't.

But there's a third ending, and up until now it's been known only to special girls names Hiyoko who are good at dancing. It's a different one, but just because a journey follows the same path doesn't mean it has to have the same destination if you see it coming and try to change it. That's what I taught Junko. We used to not be allowed to share it with outsiders, and this might be the first time anyone's actually heard it heard it because I'm translating it from a dance. But... I think it's fine if I share it now because it needs to be passed on, and tradition's important.

I've already known for a long time that I'm going to be Hiyoko Saionji the Last.

* * *

The girl sits down on the ground, screws her eyes shut and doesn't scream because there's nobody to help her and nowhere to run away to. She tries to face her death with dignity even though she hasn't been left with anything to justify it with, but after a few seconds she realizes that death hasn't come yet. A whining sound joins the wolf's growling, but the two sounds don't quite match up because they're from separate sources. She realises the wolf isn't growling because it's angry, it's whining because it's distressed and it's stomach is growling because it's hungry.

So she works up all her courage and crawls through the darkness towards the sound, reaching out her hand to touch the big wolf and show she's not afraid, even though she really is. She puts her faith in the monster not to bite her hand off, because at this stage she has nothing left to lose from trying. It flinches back when she touches it but doesn't attack, because it's secretly a little afraid of her too. She gently strokes it to show that she means no harm, as the hair ornament starts to glow. It wasn't sacred or magic before this, but the wolf god is still a god and even when it's weak it could still bless little things. With this she can see clearly in the dark and interprets the wolf monster's story from what she can see.

The wolf's scary and strong and easily startled and provoked by loud noises, but deep down he's not the horrible monster he looks like. He's not even really a monster at all, he's an animal and one that's just as sad and scared as her. It actually hates eating girls, but it has no choice because the other gods trapped him in the cave just like her family trapped her and otherwise he'll starve. The big scratch marks on the bars are from all the times he's tried get out along with the other daughters people have sacrificed to it, but he can't do it because the barrier her family built around him's too strong. She doesn't just understand what's going on, she _empathises_.

They can't talk using words yet, but by using body language they can communicate enough to understand the other's position and comfort each other in the dark. The wolf leads her over to a patch of the floor where the earth isn't solid rock, but it's still impossible him to dig through because his huge claws just press the dense earth firmly in against itself. But then the clever girl uses her brain and delicately sweeps over the dirt with her foot as gently as she can, easing the sand away one layer at a time. Sweep, sweep sweep.He helps her out by also sweeping using it's big tail. Swish, swish, swish. I always thought dancing that bit was fun. Working together they're able to sweep deep enough that he can tunnel under the bars to freedom from the tiny world he's been trapped in. She climbs onto his back, then he sniffs out a secret tunnel that leads to the wide open fields outside the mountain range.

* * *

She used courage to overcame her natural fear and put blind trust in her fellow prisoner to do the right thing instead of lashing out and hurting her. She used empathy to look at things from his perspective and realised he was just another frightened victim pitted against her by forces bigger than them. They found a way to communicate despite their differences and bonded with him to become best friends instead of enemies. She used a gentle solution instead of a forceful one to solve the puzzle and they cooperated to find freedom and decide their own future. It just doesn't work out that way in real life, but... I think the story's nice.

The two of them decide that they don't care what happens in the mountains after that, because they're their own family now and they're leaving together. The wolf's still scared of a world outside the darkness, but the girl promises to lead it around exploring and show him all sorts of things as long as he promises to always keep her safe from harm. As the sun rises they leave the mountains behind and run away to somewhere _nobody can ever trap them or tear them apart ever again._

He _protects_ the girl and they escape the stupid iron cage _forever_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A girl and her dog.**  
>  _"I'm the giant rat who makes all of da rules." - Hiyoko, the Leveled Up Character_  
>  Well, that should clear about half the lingering mysteries up!! Hiyoko's no mastermind, but it was good to get her perspective.
> 
> Rantaro Amami is The Ultimate _Adventurer_. I just thought the fact that Hiyoko is constantly being targeted by conspiracies and assassinations is an interesting little piece of lore. I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that! She's so charming. This probably started because he thought he'd try picking up the acoustic guitar and it pissed her off that he thought it made him cool.
> 
> Miu Iruma holds the all-time record for hitting it out of the ballpark with offhanded bullshit comments. Maki also basically gave Kirumi most of the answer in a nightmare but Kirumi was distracted because she was leaving blood on the carpet and calling her the dreaded "M-word" (mom).
> 
> I will never give up my horrible gimmicky chapters and formatting. It's an addiction. It's junk food. It makes everything unreadable but it's so fun to write. Any inconsistency with previous chapters is because I'm sleepy and haven't done the tweaks yet. There was a horrifying Miu chapter that I ended up scrapping which had zero capital letters, paragraphs, swear words or punctuation marks. Just one five thousand word paragraph to simulate a train of thought. This chapter used to have a full poem in it.
> 
>  **NEXT:** A short chapter and the motive videos, which are nearly done. Then at some point I'm probably going to change the name of the story.


	24. Are YOU in Despair, yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Kaede Joins a Cool New Club
> 
> The Ultimate (Despair) Pianist realises she's in over her head, reads some introductory literature in Despair Theory and gets to know more about Mukuro Ikusaba's capabilities relative to Junko's. She's had a very bad day.
> 
> _"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"_
> 
> **-Killing in The Name Of, Rage Against The Machine**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #### WARNINGS / TW:
> 
>  **THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS IMPLIED/REFERENCED:** Violence, murder, suicidal ideation, depression and what could be interpreted as a reference to sexual assault. None of them are in explicit detail.To skip the worst of it jump from "Oh yeah, what's it to you, wise guy?" to "Mikan's was kind of a bummer". Ultimate Despair can mean a lot of things and some of them are heavy.
> 
> This one might be hard to read on mobile or at some resolutions, for which I sincerely apologize.

**🅽🅴🆆 𝖀𝕝𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕯𝕖𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣 **

𝕄𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝔸𝕡𝕡𝕝𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕞 **  
**

**PERSONAL DETAILS:**  
𝓓𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓻  
 **FIRST NAME:** 𝒦𝒶𝑒𝒹𝑒 **LAST NAME** : 𝒜𝓀𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊 **TITLE:** 𝒰𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓂𝒶𝓉𝑒 **˄** 𝒫𝒾𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓈𝓉 **GENDER: YES [✘] NO [ ]**

 **CURRENT ADDRESS:** 𝒯𝑜𝑜 𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 ~~𝒩𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒'𝓈 𝒪𝒻𝒻𝒾𝒸𝑒~~ 𝒩𝑒𝓌 𝒰𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓂𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓈𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓇 𝒮𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉 𝐻𝒬

 **WEIGHT:** ~~57~~ _55_ 𝓀𝑔𝓈 **HEIGHT:** 𝟣𝟨𝟩 𝒸𝓂 CHEST SIZE: 𝟫𝟤 𝒸𝓂 **STAR SIGN:** 𝒜𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈. **Note: These could all save your life! So you're only allowed to lie by 2.**

 **EMERGENCY CONTACTS:** **Mukuro (Protect/Attack), Mikan (Hurt/Comfort), Junko (Thots/Prayers). We take care of our own.**

* * *

 **EASY Q** **UESTIONS:  
  
** **MAIN REASON FOR JOINING:** 𝒜𝒸𝒸𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒿𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒹𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒹𝒶𝓎'𝓈 𝓅𝒶𝓃𝒾𝒸.

 **HOW DID YOU FIRST FIND OUT ABOUT US:** 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓋𝒾𝒹𝑒𝑜𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒹𝒶𝓎, 𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒. 

**DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS ABOUT HAVING JOINED:** 𝒴𝑒𝓈, 𝐼'𝓂 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓈 𝐼'𝓂 𝒶 𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉. 𝒜𝓁𝓈𝑜 𝐼'𝓂 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓂𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝑒.

 **ARE YOU SCARED OF US RIGHT NOW: YES [✘ ] NO [ ]** 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒹𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝒾𝑒. 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝑒.

**DID YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST ALLOWED TO LEAVE: YES [ ] NO [✘] WOULD YOU LIKE TO: YES [ ] NO [✘]**

**IF YOU ANSWERED "NO", DID YOU SUSPECT A TRAP: YES [✘] NO [ ] IT'S NOT, BUT WE APPRECIATE THE THOUGHT!**

**~~WOULD YOU LIKE US TO KEEP YOUR MEMBERSHIP ON THE DOWN-LOW? YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! YES [✘] NO [ ]~~  
 _Maki's not a member, but she's joining us in here soon. Probably not gonna work, sorry -_ Mukuro**

**DO YOU HAVE ANY COMBAT EXPERIENCE OR SKILLS: YES [ ] NO [✘] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME: YES [ ] NO [✘]**

**DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SKILLS YOU THINK WILL BE EXTRA HELPFUL: YES [ ] NO [✘]** 𝐼'𝓂 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓅𝒾𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓈𝓉. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎

 **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF OR CLOSELY AFFILIATED WITH ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PRE-ENROLMENT:** Amami Family, Blood Lust, Crazy Diamonds, Criminal Underworld (Misc), D.I.C.E (real), DSC, EGO.porn, Fake Versions/Remnants of Despair, Federal Government, Fenrir, Future Foundation, Holy Salvation Society, Genocide Jack, Gokuhara Family, Government, Iidabashi Laboratories, Ishimaru Faction, Izuru Kamakura Project, Jin Kirigiri's Faction, Junko's Other Bullshit Groups (misc), Kuzuryu Clan, Magician's Circle, Mahiru's Mom, M.E.D.Z. Hospital Group, Mikan's Non-Hiyoko Bullies, Miu Iruma, Saionji Family, School Admin, Secret Police, Steering Committee, Student Council, Tojo Family, Togami Coporation/Family, Towa Group, Ultime Désespoir or Ultimate Despair (Prior Version) **YES [✘] NO [ ]**

 **IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO THE ABOVE, THEN WHO?:** 𝑀𝒶𝒽𝒾𝓇𝓊'𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶 𝓅𝒽𝑜𝓉𝑜 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓃 𝒶 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓅𝒽𝓎 𝑜𝓃𝒸𝑒. 𝐼𝓉'𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒶𝓋𝑜𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝓅𝒽𝑜𝓉𝑜𝓈. 𝑀𝓎 𝓊𝓃𝒸𝓁𝑒 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒞𝑜𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓍 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝑀.𝐸.𝒟.𝒵. 

**HAVE YOU EVER SUFFERED THE EFFECTS OF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: COSPOX/DESPAIR DISEASE, A COMPUTER VIRUS (PERSONAL) ~~OR MIND CONTROL/HYPNOSIS~~ : ** 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝒞𝑜𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓍. 𝐼𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑒𝓂𝒷𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒯𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓊𝑔𝒾.

 **HAVE YOU COMPLETED YOUR LIMIT-PUSHING INITIATION CHALLENGE YET: YES [ ] NO [✘]  
  
** **IF YOU ANSWERED "NO", THEN WHAT IS IT?:** 𝒞𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑀𝒾𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝑒 "𝒞 - 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹" 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈. 

* * *

**HARD QUESTIONS  
**

**DESCRIBE YOUR VIBE:** 𝒜 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉, 𝒶 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓂 𝑜𝓊𝓉𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝓅𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝓇𝑜𝑜𝒻 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝓉𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒽𝓊𝑔 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒶 𝓈𝓃𝓊𝑔 𝓌𝑒𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓁𝒶𝓃𝓀𝑒𝓉 𝓌𝑒'𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜𝑔𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇. 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓅𝒾𝒶𝓃𝑜 𝓉𝓊𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝓌𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝒶 𝒟𝒾𝓈𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝒾𝑒. 𝐹𝓇𝑒𝓈𝒽 𝒸𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝑒𝓈, 𝒶 𝓉𝓊𝒷 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝓁𝒶𝓋𝑜𝓊𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝓂𝑜𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝑜𝓉 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝒸𝑜𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒. 

**_Ultimate Despair means leaving the sugary cartoon bullshit behind and confronting the storm's cold hard truth even if it's fucking cold and stings like hell. But it could also be the storm you fight back against by sharing your warmth with someone who's been in it for too long. It's whatever you need it to be._ ** **\- Mukuro**

 **WHAT'S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE:** 𝐼 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝑒𝒹 𝑅𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑜 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑔𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼'𝓂 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑒𝓍𝑒𝒸𝓊𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓋𝑒, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻 𝑔𝓊𝒾𝓁𝓉 𝒾𝓈𝓃'𝓉 𝒶𝒸𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝓊𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓈𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓀𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓇𝑜𝒸𝓀𝓈 𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓊𝓅 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓅𝓊𝓀𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉. 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒿𝓊𝒹𝑔𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝒹 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒. 𝒩𝑜𝓌 𝓃𝑜𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝑒𝒹. 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝒾𝓉 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝒾𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑒. 𝐼'𝓂 𝒶 𝒸𝑜𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒹. 

**_Yes, I DO know what it feels like and I ENCOURAGE you to judge me just like they judged you. That feeling you're describing is DESPAIR. If you know what it feels like then you know why we exist._** **_Also, as we've seen, RANTARO SUCKS, so who gives a shit! Sorry I'm kind of yelling at you in text form. It's part of the whole process and I'm meant to make it more Ultimate Despair-y but also I'm kind of worn out too. Take it easy._ ** **_-_ Mukuro**

 **ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW: YES [✘] NO [_] WHO IS IT? YOU HAVE TO TELL US:** 𝑀𝒾𝓊 𝐼𝓇𝓊𝓂𝒶

 **ARE YOU A VIRGIN: YES [ ] NO [✘]** **ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH: YES [✘] NO [ ]**

**YOU HAVE A TRAMP STAMP NOW _: You don't, but it would have been temporary. I just skipped three hours of hazing._ -Mukuro**

**FAVOURITE TWIN:** 𝒦𝓎𝑜𝓀𝑜. 𝒜𝓀𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊 _!_ **IF THIS IS KAEDE THEN ALSO TICK THIS BOX: MUKURO IKUSABA [✘]**

 **THE TEMPORARY CODENAME WE'VE CHOSEN IS:** " _ **Pashmina" ,**_ **DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA? YES [ ] NO [✘]**

 **FAVORITE COLOR:** 𝒫𝒾𝓃𝓀 **IF I WERE A DOG I WOULD BE A:** 𝒮𝒶𝓁𝓊𝓀𝒾 

**WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG: YES [✘] NO [ ] WILL YOU BE NICE TO MIKAN: YES** [✘] **NO** [_] **WILL WE BE NICE TO YOU: YES** [✘]

 **SIGNATURE:** **_𝓚𝓪𝓮𝓭_ 𝓮˷ _𝓐𝓴𝓪𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓼ღ_**

** [𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃] _  
_**

[KAEDE AKAMATSU]... **WELCOME TO DESPAIR!  
  
 _I just want to reiterate one more time that if you don't want to be in New Ultimate Despair you can literally just leave at any point with zero consequences. If that changes you'll get advanced warning, but I'm not going to kick you out of here _\- Mukuro Ikusaba, Despair Sister # 1 because I'm older than Junko.**

**_Kaede_ **

_You cried yourself to sleep last night (kinda lame) and seemed kind of our of it, so I let you sleep in. You were having a panic attack about half as bad as Miu's but I really needed your help, so I got frustrated and might have taken command of the situation and got you swept up without thinking about it. My version of Junko's thing kicks in when I get pissed off and just want to get stuff over and done with, so because of that you might have joined and swore an oath to Ultimate Despair when you were in autopilot._ _I really don't like to do that outside of emergencies because it's more of a Junko move, sorry. I won't let it happen again._

_I'm not sure how much you remember clearly, but Ultimate Despair are a secret revolutionary organisation dedicated to our principles of spreading the cause of Ultimate Despair. The blackmail motive videos made us sound pretty bad, which is the idea, and technically I guess you COULD call us terrorists but also you're a member now so keep that in mind before you make any judgements. You can still leave now if you want, but it's not a good time to be outside._

_While you were asleep things kind of degenerated further and this whole place has gone into a paranoid factional lockdown, which sucks, so we're probably going to be stuck here in until at least the end of the week and hope everyone gets less volatile. We were already kind of prepared for that, so we have food and towels and stuff unlike the other suckers. I have your handbook because I don't think it would be a good idea for you to check handbook chat right now. It's bad._ _I'm in negotiations with Peko and Akane, who say Maki's agreed to be transferred into our protection early this afternoon. If you didn't hear about what happened then I'll you know once you're properly awake._

 _You're arguably the most housewife-y one of us, so I'm going to put you in charge of rearranging all the beds and sleeping arrangements to account for Maki. She'll be going back into her old room for people who've been injured, so you and Miu are probably going to have to move out of there. Your girlfriend or wife or whatever's_ _spending some alone time with Mikan. They're not kissing, but she said she only wants to be around Mikan right now so I think they're friends again._

_Since you're new to Ultimate Despair I left you an introductory zine we printed next door, rolled up in Junko's mouth. It's been revised a bunch, half of it's obsolete and the other half's pre-apocalypse material, but it should still let you in on the basics of what we (and you) are all about now. There's a note from Junko there she wrote in case you specifically joined up, which means she wanted you in Ultimate Despair I guess? She also might have done those for everyone._

_You're a piano player, so nobody expects you to fight a war (my job description) and lead an army against the killing game. Since you say you dream about having an 0:1 killing game record then maybe the best thing you can do is stay alive for now and take care of the home front instead of rushing off to die._ _Come out and see me when you've had a shower, fill out the parts of your membership form you haven't done and want to talk practical stuff, because without Junko I can keep my depression at bay for at most another day before I get lethargic and start moping again. Then I'll need your help for real._

_For dinner tonight I'm making us "Spaghetti Bolognese alla Despair", which means I add a couple of anchovies for extra flavor. It makes it better, trust me. Billions of people are dead, so if you don't like the idea of anchovies being in your pasta sauce keep that in mind._

**\- Mukuro**

_Kaede, this is Junko! Are you in DESPAIR, yet?_

_If you are, then congratulations! We're happy to have you on board,_ _you're looking GOOD. Wow, it's been so long! Presumably I'm either dead or still napping because I can't induct you in person, in which case please don't let me near the machine yet. I'm sure you'll be a great addition to our team and your unique skills at will be vital to the Ultimate Despair cause. Maybe you could compose us all little piano leitmotifs? I'm sure we'll figure something out! The good thing about Ultimate Despair is that if you don't feel like doing that then that's fine too. People are always trying to teach me important lessons and make me do stuff and most of the time I just ignore it!_

_At this stage you might have heard a lot of things in the media or gossip or motive videos about all the cool stuff Ultimate Despair have been up to, but I assure you that we're not all that bad and our intentions were mostly ambiguous! There are two sides to every story, which is why we have this black and white theme! A lot of the stories about the explosions and the crimes and the conspiracies are true, but those were the bad guys, they probably had it coming and the people who got rid of them? Well, that was ALSO the work of Ultimate Despair (us)!_

_When we, The Despair Sisters, decided to disband the original Ultimate Despair we retained some of the core members for some independent projects and gave everyone else either a very generous severance package (money and a free vacation) or a very severe severance package (we don't actually chop heads off usually, my sisters loves her guns and being shot in the head without seeing it coming is actually about the best way for someone to die). Now that we're all underground we've decided to do a soft relaunch of our brand and already have at least a couple of members hidden amongst your fellow students for viral marketing/influencer purposes._

_On a more serious note, I don't know when you're going to read this but I've done my best to insulate this place and we should be able to make it at least a fortnight or possibly even a month down here before a killing game starts or somebody dies (I hope it wasn't anyone we like). Joining Ultimate Despair is, in my opinion, a pretty sensible decision if you want to stay alive because, and this is important: in (New) Ultimate Despair we (including you) take care of each other!_

_We have a "wear what you want" casual uniform policy and I couldn't get my couturiers to make you a bulletproof sweater-vest in that style you like, but you should have recieved a couple of cute Ultimate Despair Berets, an Ultimate Despair skirt and an Ultimate Despair Scarf in your induction package I think will suit you in my professional opinion. You'll notice the berets have little despair pins with Monokuma eyes on them which match those hair clips you wear all the time.  
_

**-Junko Enoshima, XOXOXO!  
  
** _PS: If Mukuro rolled this up in my mouth I'm going to be real pissed off at her when I wake up!_

_ 𝙷𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙻 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝... _

** 🅽🅴🆆  ** **𝖀 𝕝𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕯𝕖𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣 **

Welcome to NEW Ultimate Despair! Ultimate Despair is OUR revolutionary hierarchy-busting TERRORIST CRIMES GANG SOCIAL CLUB ARMY SOCIETY! You might have learned a lot of things about us from mainstream media sources talking about things we may or may not have done, but do you really want to trust THOSE guys? They're working for THE MAN. In this zine you're going to get a brief overview about what Ultimate Despair's ACTUALLY about and what it can offer you, one of our fellow friends and classmates! 

**What _is_ Ultimate Despair? **

In this pamphlet we're only going to go into the basics. In short: That's your decision, because Ultimate Despair is what you make of it! 

In a more literal sense Ultimate Despair is a revolutionary organisation founded by the cool and sexy Despair Sisters, Junko Enoshima and Mukuro Ikusaba. Ultimate Despair is dedicated to fighting for the cause of Ultimate Despair, smashing all systems and bringing down the existing hierarchical structures of society and the government run by "the man", possibly for "the little guy". We did a lot of stuff along the way that you might disagree with, but we think it was ultimately for a good cause and that's kind of done now, so whatever! The people we killed were also kind of doing some bad shit, so yeah. 

Ultimate Despair can also be a great way to get in shape, learn new skills, make friends, find protection and stay alive. We'll talk more about what our ideology doesn't consist of later. 

**Sounds great! Who can join Ultimate Despair?   
  
**If you're reading this, you probably already have. If not? Chances are you can! And if you think you really can't then please return this to us and we probably won't shoot you.  
  
While Ultimate Despair's current active membership outside of sleeper agents and infiltrator splinter groups entirely consists of current Hope's Peak Academy students in the secondary bunker (or is it?) we have, in our previous incarnation, had members ranging from powerful politicians, children under the age of 12, martial artists, self-aware AIs, scientists, nurses, housewives and well-armed mercenaries in key locations.

The most important thing that unites all members of Ultimate Despair? _Membership._

 ** History of Ultimate Despair (abbreviated)** _**  
**_

Junko and Mukuro (The Despair Sisters) decided to do it over brunch at Junko's penthouse apartment one day. They then used their fantastic abilities to make Ultimate Despair a huge organisation who were going to bring the world to it's knees and bring despair to all the fuckers out there, but then they didn't because they decided not to. At some point Mikan became the third Despair Sister because they liked her, which is why she was one of the ones they didn't kill. After clearing house they, prepared to do some things and hung out while they prepared for all this stuff.

**Why Join Ultimate Despair? **

There are all sorts of reasons to join Ultimate Despair! Some people join us accidentally, some people just say "the prophecy", some naturally gravitate towards the coolest kids in the room, some people join because Mukuro yells at them until they do and some consider us to be a faction of evil supervillains. There are dozens more potential reasons, but as an example let's go into one of the most major ones that, y'know, actually paints us in a positive light, because this IS our zine:

SOME PEOPLE JOIN ULTIMATE DESPAIR BECAUSE SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU _EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT!_

I'll fully admit that we, or people under us, have done a whole lot of messed up things (even if they people we were doing it to may or may not have had it coming). But we've also rescued a lot of people because, if you haven't noticed, stuff in this country is kind of fucked up and dystopian and not all of us were _lucky_ enough to reach Hope's Peak! Ultimate Despair is about giving a victim the methods and means they need to lash out _effectively_ and choose whether they want to become perpetrators or not. It was, is, and continues to be "a social experiment"!

I once overheard a girl ask someone "do you want to die?" and that got me thinking: _**I**_ certainly don't want to die (I'm in Ultimate Despair and my life's great anyway) and I don't think a lot of people do, even if they say so! She thought she wanted to die, which was why she was totally projecting, but she didn't! What most people who think they want to die actually want is to _NOT LIVE THE LIFE THEY'RE LIVING!_

So why not fight to change things? Fuck whatever led you here! If it can't get worse then you can at least try and do something to prompt change, _even if you don't know what that change is going to do._ How can what we're doing make things worse if you're already at the point of giving up and have nothing left to live for? Ultimate Despair is about giving you a _choice_ and _impetus_ again. And if you really want to die then we'll give you reason to make Ultimate Despair the cause you do it for.

** Benefits of Joining Ultimate Despair **

**EDIT: WE HAD TO NIX THIS SECTION BECAUSE THE WORLD ENDED AND NOT MUCH OF IT APPLIES ANY MORE. BUT YOU SHOULD STILL JOIN!**

~~**HEALTHCARE:** Being a member of Ultimate Despair means our extra-special Ultimate Nurse Mikan Tsumiki is here to heal all of your wounds and kiss it better! We also used to have a guy who could do robot limbs and stuff but he died of natural causes for a guy who builds robots. I think an eyepatch would look cute on you!~~

~~The same thing happened with the Despair Disease guy, and I think some other factions got their hands on some of our prototype samples for that, which is awkward. I'm sure we'll figure out some kind of vaccine eventually!~~

~~**FINANCIAL PLANNING AND EMPLOYMENT ADVICE:** Do you have BAD CREDIT? Crummy living situation? Living in poverty? Ultimate Despair can do something about that! Are you not? We can do something about that too!~~

~~_"Junko bought out the rights to all the debts from loan sharks people made me take responsibility for and consolidated them under her, then she made me take out a massive loan from her on top of all of the existing debts under the same interest rates using my remaining harvestable organs as collateral._ _Using those as leverage she forced me to me sign some fancy financial documents I don't understand which she said gave her access to my bank accounts and a large amount of control over my financial affairs in exchange for the debt rights, then she switched things around a couple more times at which point my head starts spinning because I'm not very smart. In the end she borrowed all that money from me to go on a diamond shopping spree, which she says she'll pay back into my accounts over the next five years._~~

~~_I now work a second, even more poorly-payed job on top of my existing nursing work and study at Hope's Peak Academy working for as a famous fashion model's personal assistant, make-up artist, accessory and punching-bag. I have since been moved under financial coercion into a storage locker under Junko's apartment full of all the things she doesn't want any more, with windows put in to highlight all the ugliness. I haven't looked at my bank account in months because the idea of it makes me cry, but she says if I'm lucky I'll be out of debt slavery to her in another decade... if she doesn't want me to take her on another shopping spree, that is!"_~~

~~**FOREIGN EXCHANGE OPPORTUNITIES AND BUSINESS PARTNERSHIPS:** Ultimate Despair is linked with a number of allies and sister organisations all over the world, from secret labs to streetwear designers to guerrilla cells. Joining Ultimate Despair could be an ideal networking opportunity for anyone looking to get ahead in life! ~~

~~_"Bonjour! Ultimate Despair a été fondé en même temps que j'ai fondé Ultime Désespoir, quelle folle coïncidence! Comme dirait mon amie Giselle la Fantastique... "c'est magique!" Dis-moi, tu connais la petite fille blonde?..." -Le Survivant Ultime Français_ ~~ **  
**

* * *

** FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS **

**Q** : Am I going to die? Are... are you going to kill me?  
 **A** : We all die eventually. But also if we were going to kill you immediately then you'd be dead already and we wouldn't be letting you read this zine?

 **Q** : I just joined Ultimate Despair. Am I a terrorist now?  
 **A** : Only if you want to be! But also many governments and organisations will consider you to be extremely dangerous and cool like us if they find out about this, yes.

 **Q** : Is it possible to leave Ultimate Despair?  
 **A** : Yep! Just let us know and you can leave right away. We'll have you back at any time if you're cool. Just don't betray us, please! We don't like it when people betray us and give away our secret plans :(

 **Q** : I heard you killed off a bunch of the original Ultimate Despair members. What happened there?  
 **A** : They weren't Ultimate Despair members, because we killed them. Get it?  
  
 **Q** : What's the fundamental difference between the original Ultimate Despair and New Ultimate Despair?  
 **A** : We made some mistakes, but they don't count any more because this is a new organisations on and the slate's been wiped clean!

 **Q** : I notice there are a lot of hot chicks in Ultimate Despair! Can guys join Ultimate Despair too?  
 **A** : Of course! Ultimate Despair doesn't discriminate as long as you're cool. If you're not cool? We'll see if we can arrange something to make you cool! Make that your goal and pick up a gun.

 **Q:** A lot of the things you guys say seem really self-contradictory, circular and meaningless. How would you respond to that statement? **  
A:** **YES**. Are you starting to understand? _We grow stronger because of it_. Ultimate Despair is cause without reason, effect without cause and _praxis without the baggage of theory_.

* * *

** TESTIMONIALS **

You're not alone in here! Ultimate Despair has at least a couple of members hidden around Hope's Peak Academy that aren't Despair Sisters. But I'm not telling you who they are and if you're reading this then you probably only just joined and so they probably don't know you either. All you need to know is that you never know who's secretly looking out for _you_ unless you figure it out because you're smart and we believe in you! Here's some stuff your classmates have had to say about Ultimate Despair:

 **"ANONYMOUS STUDENT A" SAYS:  
 _  
_**_Ultimate Despair found me at the lowest point in my life, saved me from ending it all and helped me find a path, even if I don't agree with a lot of what they've done. In fact, when I told them this they offered to fund my efforts to oppose them, at which point I kind of got it. Don't tell anyone I'm a member, but also I'm not sure what the point of you asking me this is since I'm anonymous._

**"ANONYMOUS STUDENT B" SAYS:**

_Junko invited me over to her house so I could help her with her homework, because she'd already asked Celeste for too many favors that month. It turned out there was an Ultimate Despair meeting going on in the living room at the same time, so Mukuro asked me if I wanted to join even though I didn't really know what it was and I said yes, because otherwise it would feel really awkward. Then I found out they were terrorists and if the police found out I'd joined I might be put in jail._

_I asked if I had to do any car-bombings, which is what they were planning, because I was in over my head and they said I didn't have to if I didn't want to and promised they wouldn't tell anyone if I left, but I thought that might be a trick and they'd shoot me. It turns out it wasn't, and that I actually could have left at any time because Mukuro would have vouched for me not being a snitch. Then the terrorists helped Junko do her homework, so I'm not really sure what the point of me being there was._

_I've only really done a couple of little things for them, but I got a very good payout when they dissolved most of the group so I've moved from not being able to sleep at night due to worrying about what I got myself into to sleeping at night very easily because I bought a very nice mattress on Junko's recommendation._

**"ANONYMOUS STUDENT C" SAYS:**

_Founding Ultimate Despair has let me express myself in a lot of fun and creative ways! I've made lots of friends (and enemies ;^D) and learned to accomplish my goals!_

**"ANONYMOUS STUDENT D" SAYS:**

_Before I joined Ultimate Despair I was constantly bullied, harassed and tormented by Reserve Course Students, passers-by, hobos, tourists and many others everywhere I went. My landlord was a huge creep with unhygienic fingers who charged me extra rent for every rat in my apartment. I was happy to do this for them, but now I get all my bullying, torment and demeaning treatment from the one convenient source, located wherever I'm following her around and carrying her bags to._

_I assume she consolidated all the harassment rights in the same way she did my debts, which is good because even though I deserved it the people who used to hurt me stopped caring because nobody likes me and didn't seem interested when I treated them in the injuries ward where they all coincidentally ended up._ _It almost seemed like my clumsiness was spreading and there was a "falling down the stairs and breaking every single bone in your face" (I've been there!) epidemic, but that's not how epidemics work and it's not a funny thing to joke about, as we've seen. Please forgive me for using this as a platform for any topic other than how great Ultimate Despair is, but if you feel you're sick please see a nurse so it doesn't spread to everyone._

 _In conclusion I like being in Ultimate Despair, because they have never tasered me once or threatened to sell me to a whorehouse. Even though I'm just a worker bee who should let Junko do all the big idea thinking for me it's done great things for my self esteem._ _I've never been happier in my entire life :D_

 **"ANONYMOUS STUDENT E" SAYS:** [FILL THIS BIT OUT YOURSELF FOR A FUN ULTIMATE DESPAIR ACTIVITY! ULTIMATE DESPAIR IS ABOUT FUN ACTIVITIES!]

𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒪𝒦 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃. 𝑀𝓊𝓀𝓊𝓇𝑜 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝑒-𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒷𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒶𝑔𝑒𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒶𝓁𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝓎 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎'𝓈 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝒹𝑜 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝒾𝓉. 𝑀𝒶𝓀𝒾'𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒿𝑜𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓊𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝒽𝑒'𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃. 𝒫𝑒𝓀𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒜𝓀𝒶𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝒜𝓀𝒶𝓃𝑒'𝓈 𝒶 "𝑔𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒻𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑜𝒹". 𝑀𝒾𝓊'𝓈 𝓊𝓃𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒾𝓋𝑒.

𝑀𝓊𝓀𝓊𝓇𝑜 𝓈𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒰𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓂𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓈𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓉'𝓈 "𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉" 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓈 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹.  
  
𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓃𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑀𝓊𝓀𝓊𝓇𝑜 𝓈𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶 "𝓋𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒶 𝓀𝓃𝒾𝒻𝑒" 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒 𝒶 𝓀𝓃𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓈𝒶𝒻𝑒𝓉𝓎 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝓏 𝓈𝑜 𝐼 𝑔𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝒰𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓂𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝓈𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓈𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓉.  
 **  
Ultimate Despair Rules**

 **  
**Yes, it does!  
 **  
**

**Meet The Despair Sisters **

The Despair Sisters are the leadership triumvirate of the (new) Ultimate Despair! Around the time of the original Ultimate Despair's near-total dissolution their personal nurse and profitable "drudgery-core fashion inspo" Mikan Tsumiki was judged to be the ideal candidate for a third sister to "balance out" the twins with her helpful suggestions that involve not killing everyone and making things kinder.

Despite nominally acting as a tie-breaker Junko and Mukuro usually just agree on everything important and Mikan has thus far only been able to directly stand up for herself against them and influence major decisions once or twice ... yet! They were very proud of her and didn't put her in "The Place Where Disobedient Children Go", contrary to her expectations and acceptance of this fate.

Given that they're in charge, being in Ultimate Despair means that you have to listen to them, agree to do what they say and believe in the same things as they do because...oh wait, _THAT'S NOT TRUE!_ The fun thing about Ultimate Despair is that _you're allowed to disagree_ with any suggestion another member makes and encouraged to argue and yell at them about it! Fuck committees and formal proposals. Just be a big girl, use your words _OR_ your fists to change our minds _or don't_.

 **JUNKO ENOSHIMA \- "PROACTIVE DESPAIR"** _Bow down before me, peasants! I'm Queen Junko and I'm the one in charge! Everyone listens to what I have to say and I decide what to do! In all honesty I'm more of a big picture "ideas guy", so I'll let you figure out the nitty-gritty!_

 **MUKURO IKUSABA -** **"REACTIVE DESPAIR"** _You can actually just kind of ignore Junko or Mikan because I'm the one who'll tell you what we're actually going to do in a practical sense. Don't piss me off. I love action movies and I'm currently single, if any guys out there are reading this and want to watch Robocop with me._

 **MIKAN TSUMIKI -** **"PASSIVE DESPAIR"** _You don't have to read my parts. I'm sorry! I'm not sure whether what we're doing is right or not and mostly I just keep my head down, but if you want to listen to my helpful suggestions then I'd be so grateful I might pass out, so please don't tell me. I'm sorry!  
  
_

 **Fun Factoid:** Mikan almost always does exactly what she's told like a good girl and doesn't like to think for herself when it comes to Ultimate Despair-level stuff, which makes her _prime leadership material._ Given this, it may surprise you to know that Mikan is one of the few people with **100% TOTAL IMMUNITY** to either twins' ability to preternaturally influence others' actions.

* * *

 **** "DESPAIR APHORISMS" ** ** ****

  * **Don't put up with things having to suck all the time.**
  * **Yeah, I'm going to do the opposite of that.**
  * **Fuck that! Up yours!**
  * **"Do it for Despair"**
  * **It's not my fault!**
  * **Nu-uh!**
  * **Well, yes and no.**
  * **Who cares?**
  * **Teachers stink!**
  * **Feel free.**
  * **I mean, it's your choice!**
  * **(murdering someone) do it for the Vine!**



* * *

**DESPAIR IDEOLOGY **

  1. **DISMANTLE ALL EXISTING HEIRARCHIES**
  2. **DISMANTLE ALL IDEOLOGIES  
**
  3. **THIS ALSO**
  4. **ULTIMATE DESPAIR STANDS FOR ITSELF**
  5. **REVOLUTION FOR IT'S OWN SAKE  
**
  6. **HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF!**



* * *

####  **WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING FOR, YOU MIGHT ASK?** ~~~~

####  ~~CAPITALISM~~ ~~COMMUNISM~~ ~~LIBERALISH~~ ~~ANARCHISM~~ ~~PRIAPISM~~ ~~NATIONALISM~~ ~~FASCISM~~ ~~MONARCHISM~~ ~~LIBERTARIANISM~~ ~~SOCIALISM~~

** NOPE!!!!!! **

_ANYONE PROPOSING WE FOLLOW AN ' **ISM** MISSES THE POINT. WE'RE THE **"REVOLUTION WITHOUT A CAUSE".**  
  
_ **WE FIGHT FOR ULTIMATE DESPAIR!**

DO YOU GET IT YET? Ultimate Despair means something different for each person! You should totally join us, fight next to us and choose what it means for you according to your beliefs because _we don't have time to bother with that._ We're too busy **fighting for them!** It's CHOICES. Ultimate Despair, like a person, exists to justify it's own existence! Here are some things Ultimate Despair _could_ mean to you that we came up with if you have trouble picking something.

* * *

 ** Oh yeah? What's it to You, Wise Guy? ** _**  
**_

**MUKURO**

Ultimate Despair's about us vs. them, and since you're one of US anyone who wants to mess with you's one of THEM. Ultimate Despair is about standing up for or against each other. It's about shooting first and asking questions at the same time to make them answer honestly. 

Ultimate Despair's about being the most badass version of yourself you can be. Blow stuff up and be the hero (or villain) you secretly want to be. Intimidate your foes and impress boys enough that they're too shy to talk to you instead of the other way around actually.

Ultimate Despair's about jumping in and making decisive compromises in a fucked up situation where everyone else would balk at it, because someone has to and that way nobody else is placed in that position. Do it for them or do it against them. Ultimate Despair's when you make the choice to derail the train so it kills the passengers, the driver and all six people tied to the tracks, but it means you've closed the train line for good.

Ultimate Despair's sticking to your guns. If someone wants to stop you then they're free to join in and try. You'd be surprised at how many people end up on our side when we offer them that hand.

Ultimate Despair's the expression I've seen on the condemned's face when they're about to die and they just walk up there. It's about teaching them to struggle and spit in the executioner's face even if it's futile (it's not). Then you shoot the executioner and give the condemned a gun. They've already died once when they started that walk, so maybe they won't make the same mistakes again.

* * *

**MIKAN:**

Ultimate Despair is the worst feeling in the world. It's when you know what's going to happen, you see it coming, you can't do anything to stop it and then it happens. It's when the strength leaves your legs and you have to accept what you can't.

** MIKAN'S WAS KIND OF A BUMMER, SO WE'RE SKIPPING MOST OF IT! - _Junko_ **

Ultimate Despair's what you came out the other side of and started walking again in spite of. Ultimate Despair's about ending the despair instead of yourself. 

Junko sometimes whispers stories to me about a Children's Paradise where I can raise my own voice without being afraid of the loud noise and I don't have to be afraid of dogs or people I don't know any more. It's a place where I'm allowed to be angry, but I still wouldn't be because nobody would have a problem with me being there. I don't know if that's what Ultimate Despair is, but she says it can be and it sounds nice and I'd like to believe I can go there one day.

* * *

**JUNKO**

Ultimate Despair's when everything sucks, you realise it's boring bullshit and you've had enough of the 9-5 daily grind and also we live in a literal dystopian panopticon? It's about knocking everything down and wiping the slate clean for what's to come, which is _more important than worrying about whatever that something is._ You can just have a fucking revolution anyway! After that you can just kind of build a little walled garden, sit back and watch what happens outside

Ultimate Despair is looking at someone bullying someone else and thinking "fuck that"! Then you switch around the positions and see how the bullied person chooses to respond, possibly in a somewhat ironic fashion with Amazing Himiko-style contraptions if that's your kind of deal. It's about bringing the despair to the people spreading it now.

Ultimate Despair is realising actions speak louder than words unless you speak really loudly and tell other people to take action on your behalf, because speaking is also an action. That's thinking smarter, not harder! You can just do stuff! Ultimate Despair is doing what you want and what you think you should be doing without thinking about the consequences, because _the future hasn't happened yet_ and _the past doesn't exist any more._

Ultimate Despair's how I feel when people always tell me to do things, teach me important lessons and give me advice from the future and to try and influence my destiny. I'll usually listen to it, but here's the thing: I listen to it, but it's mostly stuff I already figured out, I don't like being told what to do, and Ultimate Despair's all about realizing that you don't have to! 

Ultimate Despair's about recognising we've spent our lives being prepared to be pitted against each other by forces bigger than us and that's probably going to happen again and again, so you either have to embrace that, fight against it or use it to your advantage. Ultimate Despair's about throwing a spanner in the cogs of destiny and building something new (albeit it's probably going to be rubble) because you're a wildcard, baby! You can just do whatever the fuck you want and change your mind on a whim when you're Junko Enoshima, and being in Ultimate Destiny means _you can be her too!_

** Most importantly, Ultimate Despair is about having fun, friendship and founding an organisation called "Ultimate Despair" which fights for "Ultimate Despair". **

* * *

Are YOU in Despair Yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This is how Mukuro Ikusaba makes people join Ultimate Despair. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roswPPr2t3U) When she's not blowing stuff up and planning things she is at risk of depression without Junko there. Without constant distraction from her boredom or Mukuro to keep her in line Junko gets evil and manic.
> 
> Who else is a secret Ultimate Despair member? Does it matter? 
> 
> The more important question is: Why would a _storage locker_ have _windows?_
> 
> The "your worst secrets will be revealed" motive video chapter's actually done and in a postable state already, but there's some stuff in it I need to ruminate on for probably another week or so. idk. There's also one which is just Maki and Miu hanging out at the pool, tearing into each other and digging as deep into each others' emotional vulnerabilities as they can, which is how they interact as friends.
> 
> This one might need re-editing later. I've just got a lot of other stuff to focus on I've been distracting myself from with this thing, which is going to be renamed in a chapter or two because the current one sucks. I usually write more here but I'm in kind of in a real funk. 
> 
> **NEXT CHAPTER:** The motives. All of them. I promise.


	25. It's Time For Some Motive Videos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #### Nobody is Having a Good Day
> 
> Every students' worst secrets are revealed, although some had so many that it was hard to decide which ones to choose. This probably won't help with group cameraderie. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS IMPLIED/REFERENCED:** Abusive behavior, attempted suicide, blackmail, coercion, child abuse, drowning, drug use, gaslighting, internalised homophobia, killing, mental illness, panic attacks, sexual assault and violence against animals.  
>    
>  These are all past instances and none are explicitly described in detail, with the exception of two panic attacks. The majority of the motives aren't nearly that bad, but some of them are, some of them we already knew about and some others are just what I have to work with given that this is Danganronpa.
> 
> The next chapter's probably going to be mostly drama-free fluff with Maki and Miu hanging out at the pool (they're best friends now). If you want a fun chapter _now_ then browse through a couple episodes of the [**Biker Cops Wiki.**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437936/chapters/70832268) Skip to the end notes to see this chapter's dramatic alternate ending from an earlier draft (along with it's shocking first couple of victims) and read some important news about this story's future!
> 
> ### 

#### TO RECAP:

  
Contact has been made with the outside world, which still exists, kind of. The Academy has been contacted by _Future Foundation_ , who have informed the students that some, if not all, of their loved ones are alive and enjoying fairly decent living conditions. Pre-recorded video messages are exchanged before the students are informed that these family members are, in fact, hostages and a killing game may start at any given time in the future if any one of a number of conditions are fulfilled. This isn't good.

In the middle of the ensuing argument/panic a message arrives from another party and starts playing on every screen in the building. Monokuma isn't happy about this, or this whole situation in general. He says he's not the one responsible, this time. This person, of indeterminate identity, reads out the following message:

_"Students of Hope's Peak, do not give up hope! I... can't reveal my identity yet, but what I can tell you is this: I'm your ally and I'm on your side. I'm sure we can work together and triumph over the mastermind. I want to beat this killing game, when it happens. My resources are limited at this stage, but what I do have is some information which I can share to pre-emptively countering one of the Mastermind's moves._

_You see, in the last couple of days before your academy was closed off a collection of these so-called "motive videos" was put together as a way to blackmail you into participating in the killing game. I've been informed that the majority of them contain everyone's most shameful and dangerous secrets, the kind they thought many of you would either consider killing to keep secret or have others kill you because of. I_ _'ve also been told that a few of them may contain inaccurate information to throw everyone for a loop and some of them have had information removed to increase dramatic tension. Look, you'll get the idea, and don't worry! I'm sure you guys can figure out who you can and can't trust._

 _Anyway, once the killing game begins they were planning to distribute them to you in a way designed to maximize suspicion and paranoia among your fellow students, but I'm NOT going to let that happen._ **_Instead, I'm just going to read out the secrets and broadcast them to everyone right away, so that they're no longer hanging over everyone's heads!"_ **

Everyone panics, but nobody dares move until...  
  


_ **"...Akane Owari, the Ultimate Gymnast!** _ _Growing up in unimaginable poverty, Akane lived every day fighting for her life and doing everything she can to survive until she lifted her and her siblings up through the athletic ability her violent lifestyle honed her for. But was it really necessary for her to live by her fists all the time?..._

NOW they move. Not everyone, but enough to add some extra chaos to the pile as they crash into each other. Himiko trips over Hiro, who in turn collapses on top of Nagito. The Ultimate Lucky Student chuckles to himself and wanders off in a daze, while Tenko pries Himiko off of Hiro and threatens him with an extreme level of pummeling. Those who left have left, those who stayed have stayed. _  
_

_... **the woman she mugged was bringing the food to them anyway!** I guess she learned her lesson. Unlike our next student..."_

* * *

_**"Angie Yonaga, the Ultimate Artist!** Born with the gift of prophecy, Angie Yonaga would surely have been the greatest leader her people had ever seen... _

_...however, Angie was never able to come of age and participate in the ceremony which would have granted her the right to officially act as Atua's mouthpiece! The regalia was missing, the chamber was empty, the chain of blood was broken and therefore **Angie has absolutely zero right under her own religion's belief system to act as she's been so obnoxiously doing!** It's downright heretical."  
_

Angie laughs at the screen, and whoever's behind it and listening in but her laugh is forceful. "NYAHAHA! Your attempts to dissuade me are _pointless_. There's _no orthodoxy left to adhere to!_ " She truly believes. It's sad that the island's gone, and she was a little angry when the necessary tools were spirited away, but the island's destruction simply means all the strength resides in her. The killing game's announcement is what she's been waiting for, she'll show whoever's responsible for this what _true_ power is.  
  
_"While we're doing this in alphabetical order, our next student means we'll be able to stick to this aquatic theme, kinda..."_

* * *

_**"Aoi Asahina, the Ultimate Swimmer!** Not exactly the brightest bulb in our school, Aoi's probably better off just swimming in circles and eating her doughnuts and leaving all the thinking to... well, the rest of you aren't exactly geniuses either in anything other than very specific areas...  
  
...although she didn't mean to and was eventually able to get her name cleared due to evidence of said sabotage, it's a fact that when she won that race Aoi had, in fact, ingested **steroid-tainted supplements!** A winner doesn't do drugs, regardless of intentions. Shameful."  
_

_"And now... oh, what's this? We have a surprise entry! Congratulations Byakuya, you get a minute's reprieve while we dig into the story of..."_

* * *

**_"Blood-Lust, the Ultimate Street Artist!_ ** _The long-rumored secret student hiding among your midst!_ _This anonymous graffiti master's been causing chaos across the whole country and wowing audiences with thought provoking mural pieces in their signature shade of red which, by the way, they totally stole from Junko Enoshima._ _The problem is, nobody's known this known nobody's identity...until now, because Blood-Lust is one of you. **Blood-Lust's secretly another pseudonym of...**_

 _**Genocide Jack, The Ultimate Murderous Fiend!** _ _They're also a serial killer! It's a surprise three-in-one-Ultimate! Kind of._

 _As some of you may be aware by now, we have probably the greatest serial killer in human history hiding among our midst, trapped in the body of another student. Genocide Jack's killed hundreds of men, and only men, across the country in an unstoppable wave of scissor-based slaughter the government have struggled to keep under wrapse and the media aren't allowed to report on._ _OR it could be Genocide Syo, or Jill, or dozens of other little nom de guerres you've experimented with over the years. Going through some identity issues are we? Usually we wouldn't judge that kind of thing, but here's the thing:_

_It may interest some of you to know that back in the early stages of their career our favourite mass murderer here... **came within inches of killing a girl!** How shameful! So much for an unbreakable principle, right?_

_You managed to laugh it off, pull the scissors out in time and patch her up, but here's the thing you've been trying to deny ever since: **you like girls too, don't you?** Ever since the feelings that emerged that day you've redoubled your efforts to kill only men and committed a number of **artistically sub-par murders** because you're overcompensating for the fear and **insecurity you feel regarding your own bisexuality.** _ _Honestly, from some angles you two might the most problematic individual of all time._

_Or perhaps not! There's more than one way to measure harm caused, and when we look at related deaths on an indirect scale, then-  
  
Oh, hang on, I completely forgot to mention that **Genocide Jack is a split personality of Toko Fukawa, The Ultimate Writing Prodigy!** My mistake._

_Anyway, speaking of_ _people who have a history with Genocide Jack, let's move on to..."_

* * *

_**"Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Prodigy!** Heir to the ultra-powerful Togami Coporation, Byakuya won over his siblings and reached the top level of his family, where he was groomed to take over a commanding position...  
  
...The Togami Family and their compatriots spent decades slowly working to privatize the public service and undermine the country's economy for a coup they planned to launch in seven or so. They weren't the only ones here involved in that kind of thing, but did they really have to wreck the economy for everyone else first? When someone looked Prime Minister Ishimaru looked like he was going to turn things around and restore our nation to what it once was they set him up and left him to die a penniless shell of a man within months..._

_When Byakuya reached the top level of his family and was being prepped to take over the reigns? He used his planning acumen to revise the family's plans in a way which would make things even better for them, worse for everyone else and put the schedule forward by five years. Why did the class divide in this country get so bad? **Why did so many of you grow up in such horrible conditions? His family more than a little responsible, and he was prepared to double down on it!** He's not the only billionaire's heir with a horrible secret here, but he sure is the most obnoxious!"  
  
_He doesn't deign to meet Taka's eyes, but this really isn't an ideal situation. He supposes the rest will come out sooner or later, given how things are going.   
_  
"But there's a lot of obnoxious snobs here of a more common origin, like..."  
_

* * *

_**"Celestia Ludenberg, The Ultimate Gambler!** Or should I say, pffft, **Taeko Yasuhiro!** Her name, her clothing, her accent, every aspect of her elegant facade are entirely falsified to make it look like she came from the most commonplace background imaginable! But you already knew that, right? It was pretty obvious. Those elegant clothes? She shoplifted them when she was working in a store. The money she used to buy in to her first underground gambling tournaments? All earned via more shoplifting, low-level street cons and other petty criminal acts her little gang of fellow fakes put on. They were starting to move on to bigger and better grifts before she came to Hope's Peak and we got trapped in this here basement, but that's besides the point._

_It's not as if Taeko's entirely without skills, and the prodigious mathematical talents she used to count cards certainly didn't hurt the case for her getting in here. But still, for someone who calls herself the "Queen of Liars" it must sting to know that you're far from the biggest and best liar here! As we'll find out. She always builds herself up as someone mysterious, elegant and important, but spoiler alert: she's usually just bluffing and there's little substance and fewer secrets hidden behind her caked-on makeup. She doesn't have any bullets in that chamber and her threats are empty. Of course, she's also far from alone in this, and there is one important exception, but we'll get to that punchline later._

_Anyway, enough about, pfft, **TAEKO YASUHIRO** , because in the grand scheme of things she's just not that important. Let's move on to our next little sneak..."_

* * *

_**"Chiaki Nanami, The Ultimate Gamer!** So pure, so precious! Despite her physical frailty we WERE struggling to pick one for her that would cause adequate dramatic tension, aside from maybe the fact that we think she deliberately makes her room dirty or clean up after herself because she doesn't like to wash things, believes it makes her game better and assumes Kirumi will do it for her-"_

"YOU BITCH!! I KNEW IT!"

_"-seriously, she might just be doing it to annoy her, we really don't know where all those socks come from. But unhygenic bedroom practices don't exactly a horrible secret make, which is why we were super-stoked when Chiaki came through for us on the night she and Mukuro brought Hajime in here all covered in blood. Which, we note, she also didn't bother to wash off of that hoodie she always wears. We can't say exactly what it was she saw in the Hope's Peak administration building or **what it was that she brought back with her hidden in that hoodie's pockets.** That's because when she watches this she might not even know herself and, well, we don't want to spoil the surprise.   
  
What I CAN tell you is that whatever she took out of there's **made everything a whole lot worse for every single one of you in this building.** You're in big trouble, young lady! I doubt you're going to get much of a reprieved sentence. Someone out there's got it out for you, so look forward to it._

* * *

_**Chihiro Fujisaki, The Ultimate Programmer!** The darling of the computer science world!..._

_...gained international fame and industry plaudits worldwide for the first version of Alter-Ego: a self-learning AI which was designed solely to tackle a powerful, illegal botnet some of you may remember which had caused countless damage to all kinds of companies, banks, governments and every-day individuals, as well as_ _filled up everyone's servers with porn and browsers with spam for it. Not even Hope's Peak was safe! Seriously, it was super annnoying, that thing got everywhere for a couple of days.  
  
However, what they didn't know was that this WASN'T the first version of Alter-Ego, nor is the current one you've all met. **The original WAS that botnet itself, EGO.porn,** which Chihiro lost control of due to some rookie mistakes. That's why Chihiro's second version was able to learn how to counteract it so fast, as well as cover up any breadcrumbs leading up to the source. Pretty sneaky!  
_

_"Speaking of covering up your shame, let's meet..."_

* * *

_**"Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, The Ultimate Yakuza!** What could a ruthless mobster feel guilty about, do you wonder? As it turns out, a whole lot! There's one miss Peko Pekoyama, for example! The Ultimate Swordswoman you're no doubt so familiar with was raised alongside Fuyuhiko to serve as his hitman, tool and servant for any work he didn't care to dirty his hands with, hand-reared since before she could walk to do nothing but stay by his side and obey his orders until she became the personality-free marvel you all know and tolerate, if not love. _

_But let's get onto a more personal topic. I know at least one of the more idiotic people listening to this are suffering from pretty intense memory loss, but the rest of you may recall the death of Fuyuhiko's sister, Natsumi Kuzuryu! Natsumi, despite being somewhat skilled in a limited number of Yakuza adjacent areas, was never the most popular or academically gifted or pretty or socially skilled or considered tolerable to be around in any capacity, which is why most people who knew her were privately overjoyed when they found her in the music room with her skull caved in._

_Despite the fact that everyone was better off with her dead, much like some of you here, Fuyuhiko felt family honor was at stake and was shocked to find evidence showing that the murder WASN'T committed by a swimsuit-stealing pervert, although I will neither confirm nor deny that that still could be the case. Instead the evidence implicates a certain girl named Sato, one of her frequent bullying targets who will also be familiar to one or two of you. Fuyuhiko, going in WITHOUT his little attack dog, confronts Sato, who doesn't deny killing her and dares him to try anything. Fuyuhiko raises the baseball bat he brought in, the very picture of a Yakuza killer. When he gets home his family congratulate him and say he's a man now, because they had Peko head in to confirm that Sato was dead. The only problem? He didn't do it. **He tried to kill Sato, pussied out, ran away crying and then lied to his family about being the one who did it.**_

_More on this topic later, but on the subject of people who DIDN'T hesitate to strike, let's chat about..."_

* * *

_**"Gonta Gokuhara, The Ultimate Entomologist!** And trying to become an ultimate gentleman. Although after what we've learned? We doubt that's ever truly possible. Separated from his powerful family and raised by a mysterious, unearthly people inside a hidden valley, Gonta trained for an unknown amount of time to communicate with nature and truly understand his beloved insects on a level no man has done before or since. Occasionally strangers would visit the valley, legendary warriors from across the earth looking for powerful challengers to battle with..._

_...On that day all of his little fighting buddies gathered in the valley together... where they got together and helped out when **Gonta** **KILLED A MAN!** From what we've ascertained the man fought back bravely, but Gonta savagely attacked him in a truly unpleasant to behold manner that puts a lie to all his professed gentlemanly values. He and his pals all ganged up on the guy at once while he valiantly struggled and held him down as Gonta **punched straight through his chest and ripped out his heart**_ _**!** What a refined gentleman."_

Sakura narrows her eyes.

_"Maybe Gonta here's really more beast than man and shouldn't really count, but lucky for us we have another student in attendance who also walks and talks with the animals!..."_

* * *

_**"Gundham Tanaka, The Ultimate Animal Breeder!...**  
  
...But how is it that this guy's able to communicate so effectively with such a wide range of creatures? Perhaps it has to do with his amazingly wide vocal range! A natural counter-tenor, **Gundham's natural speaking voice is actually several octaves higher than the one he puts on** to sound so fearsome...  
  
...and speaking of people who are all bark but no bite, I guess we have to eventually address..."_

* * *

_**"Hajime Hinata!** This guy? He doesn't even get a proper motive video, because HE'S not a real Ultimate any more and in the grand scheme of things he no longer really matters. He had the potential to be one, which is why he signed up to do some nasty business with the Academy's Steering Committee, but their plans fell apart thanks to some meddling kids and now we're all the worse off for it. That's why this one's kind of cobbled together. Congratulations Hajime, from here it looks like **you lost your big chance to be special and talented. Enjoy mediocrity! **_

_Now, moving on to someone who's actually accomplished things..._

* * *

**_"Hifumi Yamada, The Ultimate Fanartist! But can we really call him that? He debuted onto the scene with his spectacular  
Demon Angel☆Pretty Pudgy Princess doujinshi... that was almost entirely traced from some obscure older work he'd  
managed to dig up and buy all the remaining copies of! Fake it 'til you make it, right? This fraudulent fanfic creator  
_** **_knew he had the talent to legitimately draw..."  
_ ** _"Hifumi Yamada, The Ultimate Fanartist! But can we really call him that? He debuted onto the scene with his spectacular  
_ _Demon Angel☆Pretty Pudgy Princess doujinshi... that was almost entirely traced from some obscure older work he'd  
_ _managed to dig up and buy all the remaining copies of! Fake it 'til you make it, right? This fraudulent fanfic creator  
_ _knew he had the talent to legitimately draw..."_

_...On the subject of people that got lazy, let's move onto..."_

* * *

_**"Himiko Yumeno, The Ultimate Magician!** Of course, she'd rather we call her **"The Ultimate Mage".** This magical little girl has been wowing audiences the world over with her incredible illusions and amazing, death defying tricks. The Strand of Agony, Excavator Destroyer, The Burning of the Versailles Witch! Personally, I really liked the one with the noose and the piano..._

_...she_ _insists that this is actually a cover story to hide her actual magical abilities, because magic is real and she’s not just a stage magician with delusions of grandeur and narcolepsy, right?! Well, sorry to reveal the magician’s secret, but here’s the card hidden under the table:_ _She **does have a significant amount of actual magic power,** not that we think she'll be able to do anything useful with it down here. And although she never used it during her shows she got cocky, so **this is how she hid it in plain sight all this time.** Oldest trick in the book!"_

Huh, Junko was right, Himiko's both magic and also really good at doing cool tricks. Dang. Mukuro nods at Mikan, who nods back before tossing her the keys to the nurse's office. They had the place locked up tight already and Mikan can monitor Junko indirectly, but they can't risk anything and Junko's motive is coming up. She won't let her sister become a target.

_"Speaking of pipsqueaks with hidden power, I suppose it's time we best adress the touchy subject of..."_

* * *

_**"Hiyoko Saionji the 21st, Ultimate Traditional Dancer!** Chosen heiress to the main Saionji bloodline, with a proud lineage going back thousands of years. However, even within the main branch the Saionji have don't have nearly as much money or influence as they used to, so the family elders made some discrete arrangements to keep themselves well fed for the next few decades. _

_From a young age Hiyoko was raised to be engaged to the head of an almost as prestigious and much wealthier family. He'd marry her, her family'd get the money they need and she'd get her name struck off the family register and abdicate her position._ _You keep her well aware of her ultimate disposability, put her on anti-growth hormones to keep her looking to his tastes, only train her in a prestigious field with zero practical application like traditional dancing and let her enjoy her sojourn in Hope's Peak before moving on to the quiet life of marriage to an unfamiliar man fifty years older than her._

 _Unfortunately, when the man she was **being groomed since birth for engagement** to suddenly passed away his replacement both already had enough women and wasn't nearly as enthusiastic about Hiyoko's attributes as the original. _ _Saionji prestige aside, he didn't want an ornamental bride deliberately raised to be so helpless she can't even tie her own kimono sash._ _So she gets passed on by him and engaged to one of his younger sons for a fraction of her former dowry to save face, losing any of the leverage and influence she'd spent years scraping together._ _It must sting to know **your wings were always clipped for no reason whatsoever!"**_

Like always, they both overlooked and misread her. Shame's a stupid way to go about this, because unless they're the most amateur hour masterminds left on the face of the planet they should have been able to do _way_ more with all of her secrets than they did. Or could this be a ploy? Are they planning on revealing the truth about her later, or are trying to butter her up by giving her special privileges? Or maybe everyone's are as innaccurate as her's? Could they seriously _not know?_ She can feel herself getting paranoid, they're using up nearly all her LEVERAGE on everyone else and she NEEDS MORE INFORMATION.

* * *

_**"Ibuki Mioda, The Ultimate Musician!** I-BUKI-MIO-DA! This skinny little ball of energy's won countless schoolgirl fans with her punk rock lifestyle, unique sound, disrespect for authority and willingness to follow her own path! It seems nothing can keep Ibuki down, but what if Ibuki didn't extend that courtesy to someone else? At one of her sold-out school rooftop performances last year Ibuki caused a stir in the media when she debuted her new "F-U-K-A!" catchphrase, which she later clarified stands for "Freedom Underground, Knowledge Above" and had nothing at all to do with her hatred of a certain classical music-  
  
Hold that thought! This is...OK, wow, how about that! It appears we have a new motive for Ibuki Mioda who, oh geeze... I've just recieved information that Ibuki Mioda isn't so bright and chery after all. In fact, when she looked at the state of the world as it is today Ibuki Mioda put her hair down and **tried to commit suicide via painkillers!** I guess for all her talk about hardcore bloodshed Ibuki just couldn't handle the pressure." _

She just straight up faked this one to avoid an awkward conversation with Kaede. Grab a beer from the guy's shower, use standard speedrun tactics to avoid everyone running around in a panic and reach Tsumugi's lair, put clothes on when you reach it and vibe with Monokid for a bit. Consider timeline outcomes. Don't towel off so your wet footprints lead to Rantaro slipping over and twisting his knee, which he has coming. Genocide Jack romance path.

_"Moving on, let's circle around the looming presence of..."_

* * *

_**"Junko Enoshima, The Ultimate Fashionista!** Undoubtedly the smartest and sexiest blonde in this school, when this little maelstrom of conspiracy decided to take a little beauty sleep just before everything her got finalised, which personally put a spanner in the works of a lot of what we were planning. Sneaky girl! Born with one of human history's most perfect analytic minds, perfect bodies and the drive to utilize them to their full potential, Junko's always had so many fires in the iron that even we've had trouble figuring out what she's been up to. But here's a couple we CAN talk about which don't exactly reflect well upon her intentions._

_Up until recently Junko's been half-responsible for running the **secret terrorist organization, Ultimate Despair,** and through it was planning on enacting a violent revolution which, if succesful, would have resulted in the total collapse of this country's government and the potential death of millions BEFORE they moved it globally! That number could have easily moved into the billions, and she seemed totally fine with that before she took a last minute raincheck for reasons we can't quite figure out other than perhaps trying to make things hard and spite every single other party involved. _ _But here's the deal: There's a chance that her following through could also have waylaid the other apocalypse that's also going on now and saved THOSE billions as well as everyone here. Again, who can say, I guess we'll never find out._

_What we can say is that it's her who set a lot of what's going on here in motion. And cancelling her plans at the last minute didn't stop her from already having **killed thousands of people in the name of " whatever",** including dozens of Hope's Peak Academy staff and students as of the time this video was filmed. And any one of you could be next! There's more than a couple of other Ultimate Despair members among you, so if I were you? I'd be very suspicious! I say get her while she's still an easy quick kill."_

* * *

_**"K1-B0, The Ultimate Robot!** The end result of untold amounts of research and enough money to both adequately cover the rest of the funds needed to complete the construction of this place and also buy _ _a yacht made of gold! Far more advanced than any autonomous robot ever created, designed to learn like a human, K1-B0 is at least twenty years ahead of any other artificial life form on this planet, aside from maybe a few of those weird robot bears..._

_...while currently possessing the strength and intelligence slightly below that of the average teenager which he was designed to resemble, K1-B0 would have been able to self-advance and become the future of humanity’s hope! The first perfect man-made life form, K1-B0 could have had the ability to master the abilities of any Ultimate recorded in the Hope's Peak archives... **If completed ,** that is. **As it is now, this unfinished prototype is an empty shell of what could have been,** because they were never able to successfully complete the final parts necessary for you to install those abilities and become the actual Ultimate Hope Robot, instead of just a better one. Project K1-B0 was yet another total bust in a long line of attempts, like a building a games console with no games! The Playstation 3 of Ultimates!_

_Sorry for the lame joke, but I really don't want to spend any more time talking about K1-B0 when I could be talking about... wait, no, our next subject's just as lame. Ahem..."_

* * *

_**"Kaede Akamatsu, The Ultimate Pianist!** Star of the classical music world, the less talented Akamatsu twin! Seriously, why couldn't they have sent us Kyoko instead? Kaede's gotten first class tickets to preform everywhere from intimate, private shows with members of royal families to sold-out concert halls. And it's one of the latter which I'm here to talk about today! You see, one day when she was on her way to a live concert in Greece Kaede contracted food poisoning, probably from the awful food they serve when one deigns to travel in business class. Her nerves are setting in, but this is a big show with cameras and a trophy for her and everything, so she thinks cancelling it isn't an option either..._

_...through a little bit of luck, hard-working ingenuity, the placement of the piano with regards to the main camera-man and her ability to look pretty and keep her mouth shut Kaede managed to make it through to the intermission with nobody in the audience being any the wiser, because it's not something you can see until someone points it out... until_ _we managed to find some never before-seen " **top down** **"** footage capturing things from a much clearer angle. Take a look at this! **Kind of makes you want to throw up too!"**_

Everyone who looks at the footage winces. It's really bad from that angle.

* * *

_**"Kaito Momota, The Ultimate Astronaut!** Using any means necessary, this brash young man managed to qualify as an astronaut trainee before he even finished high school!... _

_...this tough guy might not make it to space, nor will he ever given the current rate of the disease's spread. Heck, he might not even make it to next year. **He's sick. very, very sick.** Who knows how long he can hold out and keep up the brave face?"_

It unexpectedly went into remission, even though nobody's quite sure why. Even Monokuma was baffled.

* * *

_**"Kazuichi Soda,** **The Ultimate Mechanic!** Able to reconfigure and fix anything with a motor, this gearhead cruised into Hope's Peak with a designer uniform and a design to reinvent himself as a ladies man..._

_. **..faced charges for shoplifting, which he was too scared to own up to his parents about!** Look, we're working with what we have. A relatively normal secret for an ultimately boring coward. Just like our next friend! Let's look into..."  
  
_Miu had already slapped him in the face and told him to get the fuck out minutes ago, so he'd already made it through to the workshop where he plans to wait for Tsumugi. He could tell Miu really, really didn't want him to be there for hers.

* * *

_**"Kirumi Tojo, The ever-obedient Ultimate Maid!** The middle sister of the Tojo family, she’s perfect, dutiful, humble and obedient just like she was raised to be. Boring little Kirumi looked like she was never going to inherit, so she studied harder and acted more dutifully than should be humanly possible, like her mother encouraged her to. Mrs. Tojo was very, very strict about Kirumi never making any incorrect decisions, and Kirumi never had the guts to push back directly..._

_...Then her mother had someone offer Kirumi a job as a lowly maidservant in what was meant to be an amusingly cruel lesson, which Kirumi took on and did unerringly well in what was meant to be her first ever snide little act of rebellion to prove mother wrong. It backfired spectacularly. She preformed so above expectations that word spread about not only how good she was, but also that Kirumi was working as a MAID._

_Before she knew it she was pigeonholed into that role, so when her elder sister unexpectedly died_ _it was considered simply unacceptable for a maidservant to inherit anything. So her mother hired her directly, then **instructed Kirumi to ever-so graciously give up all of her inheritance rights** and serve her less talented younger sister. A request she complied with, getting struck off the family register and keeping her place on the payroll until her sister let her go in favor of someone cheaper. **How spineless."**_ ****

* * *

_**"Kiyotaka Ishimaru, the Ultimate Moral Compass!** The hardest working schoolboy in Japan never skipped an hour of study, working to erase the shame left upon his family by his grandfather..._

_...school administration trusted him so much that he was left to guard over those exams, along with the answer sheets he needed to get those final perfect grades of his with zero supervision! Further doubt filled his mind. At the last hurdle Kiyotaka fell to temptation, took the easy way out, picked up his eraser and cheated by checking his answers against the teachers' guidelines. The worst part is? The answers he'd put down were all correct! **Compromising his principles by cheating wasn't only for nothing, it was entirely unnecessary because he knew the correct answers all along! **What an untrustworthy hypocrite, just like the ex-Prime Minister. And, like him, he kept his silence when he knew wrong had been done. I guess it runs in the blood!_

_"But he's hardly the most duplicitous person here. Let's move on to someone even slimier, were such a thing possible..."_

* * *

_**"Kokichi Oma - The Ultimate Supreme Leader!** Or whatever he's calling himself. The trickster, the liar, the leader of D.I.C.E. Why is it that he’s so keen on opening up and keeps lying to everyone? What does that evil organization have to do with everything that’s going on, anyway? This guy loves lies so much and doesn't like to reveal much about his past, so I’m going to tell you the whole shocking story..._

_...it's all lies! The abandoned child, the mistreated orphan, the sickening child abuse, all fake! **There's no painful past and it's NOT a defense mechanism! That's how he gets away with it!**_ _He uses this stuff to emotionally manipulate people and make them feel they're the only ones he can slowly open up to and reveal the truth behind the lies. Then he takes advantage, **turns on the gaslight,** collects the blackmail material he needs and combines that with the guilt trip from whatever past he tailored to so he can **p** **ump 'em for whatever he wants and dump 'em!**_ _ **  
**_  
_This guy's super rich and his so-called secret organization are a bunch of yes-men they hired for him to run his dumb pranks on people._ _One day he decides to pull off the ultimate prank: tricking his way into Hope's Peak Academy and exposing them all as phonies! He_ _spends a bunch of money falsifying some records, much more skillfully than someone else here, I might add, and then tries to place himself in the systems and bring in his usual collection of spy cameras to expose us in one way or another. The administration caught on, but appreciated the effort and privately decided to keep him here for a probationary period as the Ultimate Prankster._

 _The ironic thing is that D.I.C.E. were, in fact, real to some extent, but they had nothing to do with you! I would imagine, pffft,_ _TAEKO's been sitting on that one for a while and waiting for an opportune moment to bust it out, for which I offer my sincerest apologies. Speaking of petty thieves, let's turn to another secretive thief..."_

* * *

_**"Korekiyo Shinguji,** **The Ultimate Anthropologist!** This creep's travelled all over the world, studying cultures of all kinds and collating a veritable museum of artifacts, stories and sacred objects. Given the current state of affairs this treasure trove of history might be the finest left intact in the world! But perhaps it would have been better not to smuggle some of them away without at least asking first. **We have a regular Tomb Raider over here,** except without the impressive Aoi-level chest."_

"That's not appropriate!" Aoi yells at the monitor. This is the spot where Miu would normally complain about them picking Aoi's rack over hers, but she's just whispering to herself, almost like she's praying. 

_"...I tell ya, those people sure were angry once they found the regalia missing. No more ceremonies, no protection from disasters, whatever were they to do? Not that you cared, because you now have something fancy to put in one of your little glass displays. Not that there's anyone else to care either, that volcano probably would have wiped them out even if it was there...wouldn't it?"_

Korekiyo doesn't say anything, but he shuts his eyes and tries not to look behind him, because he knows Angie's smiling at him like a cat who's caught a canary.  
  
_"While we're talking about people with the habit of sneaking into places they don't belong..."_

* * *

_**"Kyoko Kirigiri, The Other Ultimate Detective!** _ _Before she came here this pallid little private eye used her snooping skills to find that her still somewhat estranged father's been very active behind the scenes in this very Academy. In fact, at the time of this video's filming he's back in the seat as the current Headmaster of this very establishment and might still be, if he's still alive._ _Although Kyoko's talent did legitimately qualify her for the Main Course it's possible that her father could have given the nudge necessary to get her in before the other Ultimate Detective, but we can never be sure. He's a secretive man, but it WOULD be very suspicious for us to have two of them join us so close to each other if_ _we weren't just cramming as many Ultimates as we can in here like sardines._

_But that's a little besides the point. You see, Kyoko wanted to clear any doubts and prove that she could get into Hope's Peak WITHOUT her daddy's help. So she puts together a fake identity, studies diligently and takes the Reserve Course entrance exam on her own... **which she utterly fails, because The Reserve Course is still an elite school and ****Kyoko just can't hack it academically!** She's hardly the genius she works so hard trying to fool everyone into thinking she is when it comes to sticking her nose to the grindstone instead of into everyone's business. Maths? Flailing. Science? Not unless there's crime involved. Literature, the humanities? She keeps her head above the water, but she's still not exactly a spectacular student. She acts aloof and mysterious, but she's constantly having private panic attacks when comparing herself to you guys, using her detective training to keep up the act of being the all-around genius and better than she actually is._

_The worst part is her father knew about it, because she messed up when creating that fake identity and left her fingerprints all over the file. I mean, if she had fingerprints, that is. I just thought I'd throw in a bonus secret in here for the principal's daughter and show you how her hands got all burnt up during one of her early investigations. **They have this, like, gross texture that's halfway between a scar, crispy bacon and a nipple, check out these photos!** She wears gloves all the time to hide them from people and cultivate that mysterious identity, but she still looks at them and cries sometimes because they don't even match her skin tone. I'm not usually one to mock someone for their physical deformity, but if you want to make fun of her then this is way better than her weird pale skin. What is she, like, an albino?_

_"I had to make that one extra long because the next guy was so boring we struggled to find anything interesting about him at all. Ahem..."_

* * *

_**"Leon Kuwata, The Ultimate Baseball Player!** I'm gonna keep things super brief for you, because when it comes down to it you're just kind of too shallow to be worth spending time on._ _Baseball? He actually loved it, he was pretending to not be interested to build up a naturally talented bad-boy persona while secretly practicing on the sly..._

_...steroids, leading to erectile dysfunction. Next!"_

* * *

_**"Mahiru Koizumi,** **The Ultimate Photographer!** Arguably the most normal person here, Mahiru's followed in her mother's footsteps, won several awards and recieved acclaim for her ability to capture the essential truth of a moment within her camera's frame. But sometimes the truth isn't always what it appears to be, or what you want to see..._

_... which is when Mahiru realised **her photos implicated her best friend in the murder of Natsumi Kuzuryu, which she confessed to and admitted.** But then Mahiru didn’t turn in the evidence, which she still has, and now SATO'S dead too because she kept her mouth shut like a coward. Maybe that would have saved her life, huh? Maybe you could have saved both lives? But you didn't, and now you'll just have to live with that forever..._

_Or maybe NOT! Because, speaking of which, I would HIGHLY encourage Ms. Koizumi to pay attention to extra special attention to our next student..."_

* * *

_**"Maki Harukawa, the Ultimate Child Caregiver**... wait, my mistake! Shouldn't that be **Maki Harukawa... The Ultimate Assassin?** Working under the cover of an orphanage, Maki's spent years murdering people under orders from her masters in the Holy Salvation Society cult. And, what's more, she didn't ask questions and did it willingly, full well knowing those people had families!..."_

Maki knows it's technically true, but the way they're phrasing it pisses her off. She could have asked questions, it just would have been pointless. She could have just died, but even if she wanted to she didn't do it because it meant the orphanage got enough funding to keep going, the other kids got fed and none of the others had to go through what she did. It was for their sake, even if she'd never be able to forgive herself.

_"...in her time Maki's killed hundreds innocent men, women, and, ...before she decided to grace our halls with her presence, **even killing girls around your age attending Hope’s Peak Academy. Only in the Reserve Course, naturally.** And she did it willingly. What a stone-hearted monster! Makes you wonder how much she can be believed when she talks about how much she cares about the widdle children."_

Maki locks eyes with Mahiru and she's impressed that the photographer doesn't back down. It wasn't exactly her job to let her know, but it had to happen eventually and if she hadn't figured it out by this point then it was her own fault. Fuyuhiko and Rantaro run over to try and stand between the two of them, but Mahiru just pushes Fuyuhiko out of the way as Peko's hand brushes over her sword's hilt. The staredown continues for minutes, until suddenly it doesn't.

It's too late for anyone to know what was going on in Sato's mind and scared teenagers aren't exactly known for rational decision making. Still, taking the credit was an _incomprehensibly_ stupid decision that both complicated things for a lot of people and dug her own grave in triplicate. It might've only really dawned on her what deep shit she was in when Fuyuhiko dropped the bat and ran away, a reprieve that lasted for three minutes. If Maki didn't pick the bat up after that then Peko would have tracked her down half an hour later.   
  
_"On a less dramatic note, let's breeze right past..."_

* * *

_**"Makoto Naegi, The Other Ultimate Lucky Student...** who **wet the bed until the 5th grade.** What? They can’t all be winners. While it’s not as bad as everyone else’s, isn’t that a little suspicious? Could it be that someone here changed his answer to cover up something much worse? We do know he wasn't just invited here out of random chance, but for what? We're not telling.  
_

_Now, on to a more interesting topic..."_

* * *

_**"Mikan Tsumiki, The Ultimate Nurse!** Mikan was born and raised, a word we used loosely, within by far the most horrific circumstances of anyone in this building or possibly ever. You guys don't even know the half of it! The way her parents treated Mikan led to not only a urban legend horror story based around her, but also a separate one about them which was later turned into a reasonably profitable Hollywood horror movie that only never got a sequel because the world ended. _ _It's a miracle that fragile little Mikan Tsumiki not only survived, but made it all the way to Hope's Peak Academy and got some nice articles in the papers about her escape from poverty via "aspirationalism". And all while retaining that caring, docile nature!..._

 _...Everyone would think that this timid little titmouse wouldn't hurt a fly, right? Well, it may interest some of you to know that Mikan here is the one responsible for putting her lover and fellow Ultimate Despair member Junko Enoshima into a coma!_ _Of course, this doesn't mean that they're any less intimate than they were before..._

_But it also doesn't mean that ANY of those things are Mikan's actual horrible secret! You see, before she came to Hope's Peak... **Mikan Tsumiki KILLED SOME DOGS! ** Beat nearly a dozen of 'em to death with a crowbar, cut 'em and burned the bodies. There were guts spilling over the floor and everything! How's that for some misdirection? And she dares to present herself as a harmless pacifist."_

"I-I'm sorry!" Mikan gets a couple of really uncomfortable looks from the students who haven't already fled and aren't too shaken up by what's happened so far to have lost attention, but she's used to those. She whimpers, but before she can stammer out the very reasonable explanation she realises who's motive is next and what that means. She runs over to where she needs to be, because Mikan Tsumiki, above all else, has a duty to preform for this patient.

_"Anyway, speaking of Mikan's little sleeping companions, let's talk about our next student..."_

* * *

_**"Miu Iruma,** **The Ultimate Inventor!**_ _The only things bigger than this bimbo savant's ideas are her mouth and her vocabulary. The only thing faster than her ability to bring those ideas to life is her ability to at immediately piss everyone off and immediately wilt when her inherent cowardice sets in._ _The only things harder than it would be for anyone else to replicate her engineering feats are her drugs, liquor, language, difficulties understanding basic etiquette and "voice, to listen to"._ _She also has a highly overactive libido._

_Given this, it may surprise some of you to find out that we’ve actually had a lot of trouble coming up with ANY shameful or dangerous memories for her whatsoever! Prostitution, drugs, bank robbery, child abuse, homelessness, ska, things that would make even our skin crawl to describe? Nope, doesn't count! Is it a cheap gag answer like "because her very existence is shameful" Wrong again!_

_You see, when Miu was young she got stuck in a traffic jam on the way home, by which we mean the car she was in got jammed straight in front of an oncoming train. When she woke up after a few years lazing about she had G-cups, the ability to invent and brain damage so severe that, as well as making her idiot horny, we can't be sure what she will and won't remember by the time you guys get to see this due to her severely impared memory functions! **In fact, this so-called "genius" hardly has any memory retention whatsoever. What a moron!**_

_There are whole categories of things she can't remember for more than a day or two! Who has and hasn't she slept with? That could be a freebie for anyone who wants it! How old is she and what’s her birthday? Does she even remember any of your names? Why, anyone in here might be fucking with her head or her body at any given time, AGAIN! Four words for ya, ladies and gentlemen: **Miu Iruma? EASY. TARGET. "**_

"...shutup shut up shut up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up SHUT THE FUCK UP! Lemme out of here! None of you fucking look at me! You have NO RIGHT to even LOOK at me, I'M THE GREATEST FUCKING, FUCKING, FUCKING GENIUS IN HUMAN HISTORY AND, and, and, and..." Kaede tries to grab a hold of Miu's hand to calm her down, but the inventor just pushes her away in a wide-eyed fear. Miu's not even thinking as she starts to stumble, nearly tripping over before Mikan Tsumiki grabs her arm and steadies her.

"I'm taking her to the nurse's office! If you come now I'll get the two of you through before we lock it down!" the nurse informs Kaede, hurriedly rushing off supporting the inventor on her shoulders. Miu feels like she's been awake for weeks. Mukuro waves them through and the nurse is running her fingers through her hair like she used to and her hand is soft and warm just like it always was when they were the only tether to a possibility of good things the other had and all is forgiven.

_"On the topic of loud assholes, let's dig into..._

* * *

_**"Mondo Owada, The Ultimate Biker Gang Leader!** His name makes hoodlums and riff-raff across all the country either tremble or cheer, depending on which side of the fence they're on...  
_

_...he could never admit to anyone that it was **his own weakness** which caused the accident!"_

Mondo refuses to look anyone in the eyes and punches the table in frustration. Something slowly begins to dawn on Fuyuhiko, but he can't move from where he's standing between Maki and Mahiru without making the situation there worse. He doesn't want to pussy out and back down from handling this one again. 

* * *

_**"Mukuro Ikusaba, The Ultimate Soldier!** The Co-leader of Ultimate Despair! Even though Junko Enoshima was always the one with the big ideas it was Mukuro's tactical abilities and grasp of logistics which allowed them to reach the point where she held the trigger capable of gunning down millions for the sake of... wow, did you even have an ideology, or were you just following your smarter sister's orders? Let's be honest, Mukuro, you were always jealous of Junko, and who could blame you?..._

_. **..you still dress up in Junko's clothes and pretend to be her when nobody's around, don't you?** Maybe even when other people are, so you can enjoy being the pretty sister for once. That's pretty weird, right? Do you still need Junko to boss you around when you get all mopey? Or could it be because you're sometimes a little scared of her. Who can say?..."_

Kaede can't read Mukuro's expression as she waves them through the door, because she just kind of looks as sullen as always and Miu's the first priority right now. The Ultimate Soldier locks the door, reluctantly welcomes Kaede Akamatsu to the new HQ of Ultimate Despair and tells her to wave hi to Junko, which Kaede just kind of does without thinking about it. It's only much later, when she's trying to stop crying and get some sleep in one of the office's beds that it vaguely dawns on that Kaede that she might have absentmindedly enlisted in an international terrorist organization. 

_"While we're adressing the topic of clothes thieves, let's talk for a little bit about..."_

* * *

_**"Nagito Komaeda, The Other Ultimate Lucky Student!** Being born lucky wouldn't usually be much of a talent, but this guy's weird power stretches even our powers of incredulity. And some of you may have noticed that as of late he's been getting weirder and weirder..._

_Nagito's always got a lot of things hidden up his sleeves and secrets in his coat pockets so we have a lot to choose from, so we decided to go with a fun one. You see,_ _**this creep's been using his luck to casually pilfer stuff** for the very thrill of it! He's a **total kleptomaniac.** And he's been doing it with you guys too. Little things here and there, trinkets, bank notes, medication and, oh yes, let's see here... **Nagito Komaeda's been stealing your underwear!** It's been him all along and that's why none of you were ever able to figure out who it was. I mean, if you haven't figured it out already, which we doubt. If you're missing something, search his room. And use gloves!  
  
We don't want to talk about him any more, so let's switch to someone else we also don't want to talk about more than is necessary."_

* * *

_**"Nekomaru Nidai, The Ultimate Team Manager!** This guy's intense training methods and sublime massage techniques have lead to every athlete he's coached reaching beyond the full potential anyone but him saw in them. However, it might surprise some of you to know that Nekomaru wasn't always this strong or intense. You see, Nekomaru was born with a heart defect that kept him refined to a particular hospital bed for the large portion of his life...  
_

_...the operation was a complete success! Thanks to this sudden technological breakthrough* Nekomaru was completely cured and could now suddenly look forward to a better than average lifespan. And just in time for his rugby team to compete in the national playoffs. However, their star number eight player was suddenly injured the night before. Nekomaru saw no other option, and asked them for a chance to him to take that place, even if it meant throwing away their chance at victory. They thought it would be a heartfelt gesture to their coach, but **Nekomaru deliberately neglected to tell them that he was now in perfect health** and able to outmatch them athletically to win the game. That's an ATHLETE'S role, not a team manager's. How deceitful."  
_ _  
_ * "Pacemaker That Makes You a Homo" open licensed by M. Iruma

* * *

_**"Peko Pekoyama, The Ultimate Swordswoman!** Raised from birth to serve under her master, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, who can, or has, done anything for. And I mean anything. No wonder he's so smug, he's got his own perfectly obedient little helper slave to fulfill his every whim and keep his hands clean. Is it out of loyalty to the clan? Was it just the brainwashing, beaten into her since she could walk? Or out of love?_

_Or perhaps she's not so obedient after all! You see, in the last days before the lockdown Peko received a message from the Kuzuryu Clan. **Her masters directly ordered Peko to retrieve Fuyuhiko from Hope’s Peak... and she ignored them, because she selfishly wanted to keep him here all for herself!** Of course, in retrospect this may or may not have turned out to have been the right decision, but still! If she wasn’t loyal to the Kuzuryu clan who’s to say she has any loyalty to him whatsoever?"_

She hears, but she doesn't listen to him because it'd hurt too much. Instead she focuses on the next message, focuses on _anything else_ , hand clenching her sword's handle and feeling the familiar weight against her palms. She prepares to unsheathes her sword, she eases her grip, she breathes. Iaido is the art of being able to respond to any threat and quickdraw your sword before a moment's notice, and this is the area she excels in because it's the way in which she breathes. She fully prepares to strike each time, becoming hyper aware of everything but Fuyuhiko as she was trained every day to do since she was six years old and they turned her into a tool. This is all she can do, but this hyper-awareness means that as the next video finishes and time slows to a crawl _shink_  
** Peko's sword is already unsheathed-============== ~~,~~ and it's-**

_** __  _________________________________________  ** _

_**"Rantaro Amami, The Ultimate Adventurer!** He moved from the lake boat by his parents’ mansion to sailing all across the Mediterranean at the age of ten. Owning a high tech luxury yacht made it a lit tle easier, of course. Ever the inquisitive philosopher, perhaps the only thing he really didn’t care to think about was where exactly all that money funding his authentic, perspective-broadening travels came from. But when he found out he kept his mouth shut, shrugged, then moved on to his next globe-trotting quest for enlightenment._

_His folks referred to themselves as "private investors" and "philanth ropists", by which they mean criminal money launderers and tax frauds on a scale rarely ever seen before. They started out by setting up a phony religion on paper to avoid paying taxes, a regular couple of L. Ron Hubbards. Then they used donations to the religion from some extremely nasty associates to set up a bunch of threadbare orphanages and hospitals, which then funnel most of their income through to the original donors and themselves. Eventually they cut out the middleman, ran their own cri minal enterprises through said religion, drip-fed the charities just enough to keep them running uncomfortably and tunneled the lucrative earnings that should have been theirs on on paper into funding your lavish lifestyle, among other things._

_**Rantaro COULD have tipped the authorities off, but... he decided not to,** and moved on to the next cool, heartwarming adventure. But charity's charity and I’m sure some other people really did benefit! In fact, I know at least one lucky kid here got the opportunity to w inter back at your folks’ house. While you were enjoying the luxuries of Monaco they got to ride out on that same lake in that same old boat you started on. **Boy, that water must have** **been** **FREEZING!"**_

pressed up against **_Maki's_** throat, so fast that-

_**ssssssH** **weeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggg!!!**_

-it slices through any description.

The swordswoman cranks her head towards Rantaro, visibly furious in a way even Fuyuhiko's never seen her before. _Her lake was a forest where you couldn't take the blindfold off and they made all the bamboo sharp._ Her voice is so angry it cracks. "Leave, _NOW!_ I don't want _her_ to be the one who kills you."

Rantaro's a smart guy and he'd picked up on the subtext before he noticed the thin line of blood from a shallow nick she'd left across his Adam's apple: " _I just saved your life a second time by resisting the urge to decapitate you myself."_

Everyone left in the room's too distracted by what just happened to pay much attention to the secret of

* * *

_**"Ryoma Hoshi, the Ultimate Tennis Pro!..."**_ Not that he'd care, really.  
  
Maki was still too distracted staring down Mahiru to fully process exactly what Rantaro did for a split second, which was enough time for Peko to put her in checkmate before the weight of it all came crashing down on her. Oh.  
  
Peko didn't cut her and she didn't kill her either, even though her sword's right there, but Maki notices that her own breathing's still not quite right. There's an odd sensation she recognises from somewhere, but she can't quite place it. It feels a little like she's had a rug pulled out from under her and all the strength is gone from her limbs. As she drops to the ground it's kind of like she's slipping back down through every horrible thing she went through at once before she falls into the water. They always said they were lucky to be able to afford three meals a day. She recognizes the sensation now. It's the shock that kills you before the hypothermia does, which she knows from when she was ten years old and they drowned her for the first time. Her head slams against the floor and it feels cold.

_"..said he left the sport of tennis behind, but he lied! The temptation was too great, and so the administrators gave him his position here at Hope's Peak in exchange for him **competing for them under a mask in the secret Crime Olympics!"**_

Peko turns to Fuyuhiko and starts giving _him_ orders as she crouches over Maki, who's not breathing right. "Find food in the kitchen and some warm sheets, then head to your lab and lock the door. Take Mahiru _IF_ she wants to get solving all her problems out of the way. I'll bring Maki as soon as I can. We'll explain everything there. Kyoko, come with me! I'll need your help carrying her. I'll give you the key to her room later, this is for everyone's safety. NOW!" Seeing Peko barely holding back from screaming at people's uncomfortable, but nobody's exactly feeling too hot about the current situation. 

* * *

_**"Sakura Ogami, the Ultimate Martial Artist!** This muscle-bound maiden's been in over 400 recorded fights and defeated every opponent and won, with a single exception. She spent years becoming stronger and stronger in her efforts to defeat him at peak strength, only to face the possibility that this may never occur. You see, Kenshiro was stricken by a sudden illness which gradually drained his strength and began to make him weaker while she kept getting stronger... _

_...So when Sakura **saw the opportunity to strike the winning blow she'd always dreamed of, she hesitated.** He didn't pick up on it, but you can only imagine the disrespect towards a fellow warrior this entailed!  
  
The first of our martial arts moron here saw an opportunity she failed to take advantage of and regretted it. Our next student, on the other hand? She grabbed that rung, even when she probably shouldn't've. Of course, I'm referring to..."_

* * *

_**"Sayaka Maizono, The Ultimate Pop Sensation!** The darling of the Idol World with a following in the millions, Sayaka's worked her way up the ranks to the point where she was looking at launching a seperate solo career alongside her continuing center-stage group role! Dedicated beyond reason to making every single one of her fans feel special..._

_...and **slept with the CEO of her record label** to get that position ! Some pure icon, some role model for the little Sayakers out there. She could have said no, but she was so desperate to succeed and finally grasp that dream she'd pursued for so long! Talk about sucking up to the higher-ups."_

Sayaka Maizono's fists are clenched, but her expression doesn't waver and she merely throws her head back. She's calm and composed, because she trained to be calm and composed for years. She was prepared for this. "I won't deny it. Judge me if you want, I'm well aware that some of you already do. I merely did what I needed to and followed the only pathway I had to achieve my dream. They were an obstacle to overcome and I'm done pretending it's my fault for having to play the game they set up."

* * *

_**"Shuichi Saihara, The Other Ultimate Detective!** Shuichi made a splash on the public stage when, while working for his uncle's detective agency, he managed to solve a murder case faster that would have stumped the cops for another couple of months! In one sense he did it by getting lucky, which he's probably never going to do in the other one, but in a third sense it was something he probably shouldn't have gotten his hands dirty with..._

_...serial con-artist drove the culprit's family to suicide, never made anything better for anyone and left everyone better off by being killed. But murder's still murder, and boy detective Shuichi Saihara cracked the case and left the culprit go to his grave only known as a cold-blooded killer as their final legacy. One last suicide to cap it all off, congratulations! **That's what you get for pursuing the truth, yet another trail of blood and ruined lives,** left behind just like the woman you so pointlessly avenged."  
_ _  
"Trail of blood, trail of blood, let's see here, who else has left a trail of those... ah!"_

* * *

_**"Sonia Nevermind, the Ultimate Foreign Exchange Student!** This measly little monarch felt it was time for a change in scenery and a turnover of the guard in her little petty Kingdom. So she used her wealth and extensive education to **secretly fund the peoples’ revolution that looked to overthrow her parents** while she's had a fun little time safely expanding her cultural horizons over here....  
  
...After that she had all the pieces in place to sabotage the collapsing democratic government with the help of her mercenary friends in Fenrir, through whom she'd restore the movement for a newly restored, more progressive monarchy with her in charge. How ambitious, how ruthless!"_

Sonia was slightly perplexed that they didn't reveal her other secret, but on the hand it's not like she was ashamed of that one. So maybe that's why it didn't count? It was just... slightly awkward. Nobody here had ever asked her about it, it was never considered a serious possibility and she wasn't one of the ones who'd be suspected were that the case so she never had reason to deny it.

* * *

_**"Tenko Chabashira, The Ultimate Aikido Master!** This misandrist martial artist's been baffling experts across the globe with the level of effectiveness she's been able to bring to a fighting style we're pretty sure she and her master just made up, as well as how she does that thing with her joints. Always an overly agressive child..._

_..._ _Tenko broke the boy's jaw, **got expelled for violence from her school, held back a grade at her next one and then she got expelled from there too** a couple of months before she came here! She was probably going to be held back a second time, because CLEARLY she's not the sharpest knife in the draw._

_While we're talking knives, let's move on to..."_

* * *

_**"Teruteru Hanamura, The Ultimate Chef!...** Working hard and studying the stove ever since he could walk, Teruteru's single-handedly kept his family's business a success with his dedication to the culinary arts..._

_... **falsified poor reviews of his local competitors** and manipulated the search engine algorithms to artificially boost attention for his own family's business instead of just relying on his skills! Not exactly the most principled business practices. Kind of a boring secret compared to everyone else, but Teruteru's annoyingly open about what a disgusting freak he is. Do you know who else is boring and not really worth paying attention to?..."_

* * *

_**"Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Cosplayer!** This plain Jane used her needle and thread to quickly gain attention nation wide, using her cosplay to make people's fantasies of talking to anyone other than Tsumugi Shirogane a reality. If I looked was as personality-free as her? I'd do the same thing..._

_...Tsumugi Shirogane is physically unable to disguise herself as real people. However, the reason for this is that she has a rare skin condition called **Cospox **that activates whenever she copies someone non-fictional. It's really gross and, just before the lockdown started, she tried to dress up as one of your teachers and leave the academy, covering her face up with layers upon layers of her expert make-up in a failed attempt to keep it under wrapse. It didn't work, but she kept trying to walk with it until the **cosp** **ox got so drastic that she risked it becoming transmissible**. So **if any of you guys get a** **gross rash?** _**She's the reason** _**why."** _

Tsumugi's very embarrassed, but she also just got a freebie so it might be sensible to roll with that for now. She looks over to Monokuma, who gives her a little shrug. OK, so it's not Monokuma doing this. Relieved that they're still on the same team, she allows herself to beathe out for a second before she starts panicking. She needs her inhaler.

* * *

_**"Yasuhiro Hagakure, the Ultimate Clairvoyant!** Possessing either more or less foresight than almost any other human being alive, Yasuhiro's long been in demand by suckers all across the nation and, as his reputation spread, the globe! A man of highly dubious seld awareness, the only thing faster than the way he's able to swindle the superstitious out of their hard earned cash is the way he's able to lose it almost immediately afterwards! Taking a long vacation from studying or doing anything of real worth or repute, Hiro was lucky enough to talk his way into an overseas backpacking vacation..._

_...somehow, it was only through a series of very complex legal technicalities and strategically placed bribes that this numbskull **avoided the death penalty** for smuggling **drugs, artifacts and miscellaneous other contraband items** in from Central Asia! He was, in fact, able to get off scot-free, partially due to the fact that they discovered his mother had always put him down as being three years older than he actually is! And then he lost the money he got from selling most of them a week later!"_

Things were looking pretty grim for him until some test results proved that it was not, in fact, marijuana he was carrying, so none of it was actually illegal apart from the real marijuana they somehow missed. The test results never got filed properly, which was lucky because the man who went to Russia got shot as soon as he left the plane, the guys who went to America never reached their destination and the woman who tried for Italy got caught and faced a very, very long interrogation (although she managed to hand some over to the French fisherman, who escaped to live another day because he is the man who always survives). The rest faired no better.

"Well... this is awkward." Hiro sheepishly backs away from everyone, who are mostly too shellshocked to care, and scratches his back pocket. His special lucky coin went missing a few minutes ago and this is the kind of time he really needs to know where it is. Himiko winks at him. It _looks_ like an ordinary coin, but that thing cost him a whole lot of paper.

 _"...and now, for our final entry, a SECOND surprise student!"_ Everyone forgot, because sometimes it's difficult to even remember they exist if you're not concentrating. It's not over.

* * *

_**"The Ultimate Imposter** \- Man, I never thought I’d see ANOTHER one of you! I’m sure everyone here’s at least somewhat aware of your existence. The question is, how much of the stuff here did you already know? And how much have you already done to make everything worse and stir drama between your classmates when you’re pretending to be them? I know you’ve been a reeeeal homewrecker in the past. Or maybe not! You’re tough ones to read and we've actually had some trouble figuring out what your deal is, but it’s not like you’re about to come right out and say it... if you're even able to. There are rules as to what you can and can't do, right?_

_What I will say, though, is that there've been **some classmates we've noticed you've enjoyed impersonating more than others..."**_

A couple of students who aren't too shell-shocked to concentrate narrow in on the word _"ANOTHER"_ , but Sayaka Maizono just throws up in distinctly less than perfect pitch, because all of her suspicions are confirmed.

You can't argue your innocence when you're unable to reveal who you are.

Everything's fucked.

_"Lbh'er gur bar jub qhzcrq Znxbgb naq abj lbh'er fubpxrq ur jnagf abguvat gb qb jvgu lbh_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Great job on becoming a _terrorist_ , Kaede!**
> 
> This is the "darkest" before the dawn, probably. I say that a lot. Not all of these motives are worded in an entirely honest manner. One of the stupidest ones of these is plot relevant. _Le Survivant Ultime Français_ will never die. 
> 
> I'm not entirely happy with how some of this turned out and I'm very hesitant with some of it, but I just kind of had to muscle through it so we can get through to the fun chapters. Everything was just too wrapped up in it! I'm probably going to go back and change/edit some of this later and add some stuff to the summary or blow this whole story up and start afresh, but we're over the hump now. Like 90% of this was written months ago. I just wanted to do the swordy thing.
> 
> This story's really gone in a different direction than was originally planned. **[Here's a very early draft fragment of how this chapter was originally going to end from months ago, where we find out the second and third victims](https://i.ibb.co/BLvgDd3/the-original-ending.png)**. Some of them weren't finalised, though. That's why Mahiru doesn't need to be a main character, now.
> 
> This is probably going to be renamed "Indefinite Suspension" soon.
> 
>  **NEXT(?) CHAPTER(S):** _Well, we could deal with the immediate fallout from this but I'm just going to skip ahead to Maki and Miu being hot babes and hanging out at the pool (no drama). They're best friends now, which is the worst possible outcome for anyone not named Maki or Miu._


End file.
